Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship

Episode #89: Do you ever feel like you or someone you know is just not “good at” friendship? It's never too late to address negative patterns in our friendships or any relationship. Today's guest, author Christie Tate, author of B.F.F.: A Memoir of Friendship Lost and Found, set out to break decades of unhealthy cycles in her friendships. Do you think you "suck at friendship" as Christie thought before she started this process? There is hope! Christie is here to prove it.

We covered: 

• Abolishing a school cafeteria mentality from our adult friendships
• Aiming for friendship circles (expansive ) vs. triangles (hard edges)
• Recognizing how jealousy and envy alters our behavior towards others
• Knowing when we're asking friends for too much assurance
• Changing from a scarcity mindset to one of abundance
• Developing compassion for the "it" person (child or adult)
• Ghosting and being ghosted
• Owning our ambitions and desires in order to combat competition with friends

Meet Christie Tate:
 
Christie’s latest memoir is, B.F.F.: A Memoir of Friendship Lost and Found. Her previous memoir, Group: How One Therapist and a Circle of Strangers Saved My Life,  was a New York Times bestseller and a Reese Witherspoon book club pick. You can find links to her many published essays and her writing workshops on her website. Find Christie's Substack newsletter here, and find her on Instagram @Christieotate.

* All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

Let's connect over all things friendship!

• My Substack newsletter about friendship & more
• Dear Nina website with show notes and a guide to pitching yourself as a guest
• Instagram & TikTok & Twitter
• JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group
• Ask an anonymous question

Episode #88: Managing differences of opinion with friends can get tricky. An obvious area is politics, but smaller differences also get between friends, like parenting decisions.

Examples: parents who give their kids a phone and social media years before the other friend; public vs. private school; where you live; how you vacation---those are not as divisive as politics, but it's an ongoing difference in your choices. Do we allow our differences to become a strength in a friendship or a weakness? I advocate for strength, which requires empathy for the next person.

Here to talk about developing empathy and managing these potential differences is therapist and author, Emily Locker. Emily's debut novel, Running Mates, is a modern day Romeo and Juliet and one of the best fictional versions I've read of friends with big differences---political ones in this case. Emily and I lean into her professional work as a therapist for advice on how to get along with people who have different points of view.

And there is another major fact that I need to tell you about Emily. Emily is my second cousin! Our grandfathers were brothers, and our moms are first cousins. We also talk in the episode about the potential of friendship between cousins and how jealous I always was of Emily and her first cousins.

Meet Emily Locker:

Emily lives in Washington, D. C. with her husband and two young sons. Find Emily on Instagram @emilylocker.
 

* All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

Let's connect over all things friendship!

• My Substack newsletter about friendship & more
• Dear Nina website with show notes and a guide to pitching yourself as a guest
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• JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group
• Ask an anonymous question

Episode #87: Shows like The Golden Girls and Grace & Frankie are beloved by so many, but also treated as a fantasy. What if platonic life partnerships didn't have to be merely a dream? What if you didn't have to wait until retirement age to consider centering your life around friendship?

Today's guest, Rhaina Cohen, author of The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life with Friendship at the Center, profiles platonic partners in her book who are at different ages and stages of life. While there have always been people throughout history making the choice to commit their lives to a friend rather than a romantic partner, there are not common models, labels, or legal benefits for these kind of arrangements.

 MEET RHAINA COHEN:

Rhaina Cohen is an award-winning producer and editor for NPR’s documentary podcast Embedded. She was named a 2021/2022 National Endowment for the Humanities Public Scholar for her debut nonfiction book, The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life with Friendship at the Center. Her writing, often focused on social connection, has appeared in The Atlantic, The New York Times, The Washington Post and elsewhere. She’s spent most of her career working on podcasts that blend narratives and ideas, including Hidden Brain, Invisibilia and Rough Translation. Find Rhaina on Twitter and Instagram.

We discussed:

• The lack of vocabulary or process for people who want to try a platonic partnership.The real enchantment and sense of possibility that happens when you're excited about a new friend, a feeling that's not so different from a romantic spark. Rhaina mentioned "limerence" as the term used for this initial sensation in romance that can apply to friendship too.
• The crucial element of proximity in close friendships.
• The popularity of the Llano Exit Strategy story and the dream people have about clustering near close friends eventually.
• The importance of not having just one story in our minds for what it looks like to be happy, fulfilled, and connected.
• Some of the benefits Rhaina gains because she and her husband live with another couple (platonically) and the couple's two kids.

* All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

Let's connect over all things friendship!

• My Substack newsletter about friendship & more
• Dear Nina website with show notes and a guide to pitching yourself as a guest
• Instagram & TikTok & Twitter
• JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group
• Ask an anonymous question

Episode #86: Making friends and deepening existing friendships starts with some basic truths.

• "Every friendship starts with an act of bravery. And every friendship goes to the next level because of someone's act of bravery. "
• "Do not wait for the other person to make the first move. It's always your turn."

These are just two of many wise and thoughtful quotes about making friends and deepening friendships from today's guests, Amy Weatherly and Jess Johnston. 

Amy, Jess, and I---three friendship enthusiasts---shared times we've been brave in making friends and deepening those friendships as well as times we've struggled.


We covered:

• Some of our own personal stories of the brave act of making friends, including how Amy and Jess met online and formed a real friendship
• The fear of rejection
• The fear of being awkward
• Letting go of assumptions you've made about what everyone is thinking
• The fear of leaving others out
• Finding a pickleball game! 
• Focusing on the people who say yes and don't fixate on the people who are not interested
• Not giving up all of your power to make friendships happen
• Intentionality and vulnerability in deepening friendships
• The fear of sharing who you really are
• Asking good questions 
• Allowing kids and teens to experience friendship bumps (not trying to fix everything)

MEET AMY AND JESS

Amy Weatherly and Jess Johnston are cofounders of the viral page all about friendship, Sister, I Am with You. They coauthored the new book, Here For It and the Wall Street Journal bestseller I'll Be There (But I'll Be Wearing Sweatpants) and have been featured in national news such as Good Morning America to talk about friendship. They are friends first, business partners second, and absolutely adore any time they can spend together in real life (eating queso) and laughing till they ache.

Find Amy & Jess on: Facebook, Instagram, and on their Website.

* All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

Let's connect over all things friendship!

• My Substack newsletter about friendship & more
• Dear Nina website with show notes and a guide to pitching yourself as a guest
• Instagram & TikTok & Twitter
• JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group
• Ask an anonymous question

Episode #85: "The more the merrier" is a common expression for good reason. Most of us don't want to be considered exclusive. We want others to feel welcomed and comfortable around us. But there are times when the more the merrier is not the case-- when the group dynamics for a particular event won't work if everyone comes along.

In episode 85, I have a tough conversation with Danielle Bayard Jackson, an incredibly clear-thinking friendship coach and national speaker on the topic of female friendships.

Danielle's viral TikTok and viral Instagram post on "Reasons Why You (Possibly) Weren't Invited" caught my attention. She gave examples in those videos I know I have done myself (cringe) and things I've thought, but have been too scared to say on my podcast or in my own writing about friendship.

I needed Danielle by my side to have this conversation about why we and others are sometimes not invited. And I'm glad I shared some of own insecurities and pet peeves, even though the topic gave me a stomachache when we spoke and still does posting it for others to hear.


Meet Danielle:

Danielle Bayard Jackson is a female friendship coach and educator who speaks nationally on the subject of friendship as a wellness imperative. Her coaching business, Friend Forward, is dedicated to teaching women how to create and maintain better female friendships. Danielle’s expertise has been featured in NBC News, Psychology Today, Wall Street Journal, Oprah Magazine, and many other outlets. She shares her insight weekly on The Friend Forward Podcast and has a book coming out in spring 2024 called Fighting For Our Friendships. Danielle is the official spokesperson for Bumble’s new app Bumble For Friends. 

Personal IG - @daniellebayardjackson.    Friend Forward IG - @friendforward
TikTok - @thefriendshipexpert    Twitter - @DBayardJackson
Website - www.betterfemalefriendships.com

* All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

Let's connect over all things friendship!

• My Substack newsletter about friendship & more
• Dear Nina website with show notes and a guide to pitching yourself as a guest
• Instagram & TikTok & Twitter
• JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group
• Ask an anonymous question

Episode #84:  Debra Arbit and I tell our real-life friendship story, which is a great example of going from barely acquaintances to close friends in our 40s. Well, when we met Debra was still in her 30s, but I was in my 40s. We share the emails and texts that move us from office-mates to friends. 

Debra and I don't agree on everything, but we do agree that inviting people into your home is one way to significantly move a friendship forward. We share lots of tips for how to make hosting a much easier task.

As I discussed way back in episode 20, good friendship chemistry isn't enough to foster a good friendship. One person in the acquaintanceship has to "make a move" to talk more or hang out in a different context.

I shared very detailed show notes for this one with all the hosting tips we covered. You can find that here on my website.

Meet Debra:

In addition to being a consultant for women business owners, and raising three young kids, Debra has hosted TONS of friends and acquaintances at her house for meals. Debra took her love for cooking onto her instagram account, @fortheloveofcookbooks, where she cooks her way through entire cookbooks and does much of it live on her Instagram  stories. She rates the recipes too. It's a fantastic account!

* All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

Let's connect over all things friendship!

• My Substack newsletter about friendship & more
• Dear Nina website with show notes and a guide to pitching yourself as a guest
• Instagram & TikTok & Twitter
• JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group
• Ask an anonymous question

Episode #83: Have you ever befriended your ex's ex? Today's episode focuses on the potential friendship that comes from a shared hurt and a shared healing. I was intrigued when Lara Starr emailed me about her "sister exes." Lara has written extensively in her Substack, It's Kind of a Long Story, about the friendships that came from bonding with the women who were emotionally hurt by the same man.

This kind of friendship could also apply to fellow ex-friends of a particular friend. 

There may be some drawbacks to starting a friendship this way. If the relationship stays way too focused on the common hurt, that's not a true or deep friendship. We get into all of that as Lara shares her story.


Meet Lara Starr: Lara is a publishing publicist and a former radio producer. Find her on Substack and Instagram.

* All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

Let's connect over all things friendship!

• My Substack newsletter about friendship & more
• Dear Nina website with show notes and a guide to pitching yourself as a guest
• Instagram & TikTok & Twitter
• JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group
• Ask an anonymous question

Episode #82: The friendships formed during difficult, even dark, periods of our lives create a lasting impact unlike any other bond. These friendships "in the trenches" can come in many forms---a health crisis, a traumatic experience, or even experiencing an especially intense work environment with a harsh boss and terrible hours.

This week's guest, Jenny Leon, talks about some of the "in the trenches" friendships found in pop culture, but we mainly focus on the special and irreplaceable friendship Jenny made with a fellow young mom who was on the same chemotherapy schedule when Jenny was diagnosed with breast cancer in her 33rd week of pregnancy. Jenny's new friend, Alli, was one of the few people who could understand Jenny's experience. Their bond was crucial and irreplaceable. 

In addition, a voicemail from Renee Schuls-Jacobson about finding camaraderie during clonazepam withdrawal reaffirms the profound support we discover in our darkest times. You can learn more about Renee's story in here.


Meet Jenny Leon:

Jenny Leon is a former Manhattan finance lawyer who started writing when she got diagnosed with breast cancer in her 33rd week of pregnancy with her second child. She is working on a memoir on how her love of being a mother provided her with a lifeline to get through a double mastectomy, chemo and radiation. 

Jenny's essays have been nominated for a Pushcart Prize and other awards. Most of her work focuses on motherhood, anxiety, and breast cancer. Her writing has been featured in the Globe and Mail, HuffPost Canada, the Buffalo News, Motherwell, Kveller and HerStry amongst others. Additionally, she has been featured in numerous campaigns and presentations for Sharsheret, a national nonprofit that focuses on assisting young women and their families affected by the BRCA mutation.

Find all of Jenny's publications and interviews here. You can follow her on Instagram. And if you'd like to message her directly, she is always happy to hear from others and to help. She can be found at jennyroseleon@gmail.com

* All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

Let's connect over all things friendship!

• My Substack newsletter about friendship & more
• Dear Nina website with show notes and a guide to pitching yourself as a guest
• Instagram & TikTok & Twitter
• JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group
• Ask an anonymous question

Episode #81: Have you ever held back sharing good news because you sensed a friend wasn't truly celebrating with you? Do you have friends who show up in bad times, but are slow to show support in good times? This episode is for you! I share some thoughts on identifying the friends who want to hear your good news, how to develop more friendships like that, and how to be that kind of friend to others. 

Then, my guest, Chaz Sandifer, and I discussed the reality of outgrowing friendships, knowing which friends you can trust, friends who cheer you on, the dangers of jealousy and competition, and much more. 

Meet Chaz Sandifer:

Chaz is the founder and owner of theNEWmpls, a holistic health and wellness company specializing in fitness, wellness, and nutrition. They offer private fitness classes around the Twin Cities and a variety of special programs with various partners. Chaz is the sole source for diabetes prevention in Ramsey County. She also owns Lakeview Terrace Farmers Market, the only Black woman owned farmer’s market in Minnesota. 

Chaz personally speaks often about owning a health and wellness business as a Black woman. One of her main specialties is discussing generational wealth. Chaz has a weekly podcast with WCCO called Fitness Revolution with Chaz. Chaz has taken on a role as a co-leader for the communications work group at The University of Minnesota in the department for Community Engagement to Advance Research and Community Health, and she's the co-founder of Stories Through the Menu, an exciting chef series in Minneapolis. 

Find Chaz on Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn.

* All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

Let's connect over all things friendship!

• My Substack newsletter about friendship & more
• Dear Nina website with show notes and a guide to pitching yourself as a guest
• Instagram & TikTok & Twitter
• JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group
• Ask an anonymous question

Episode #80: "Neediness" has come up in plenty of episodes, but this is the first one dedicated to that loaded word. The episode was inspired by a letter from a listener--author, Sally Vardaman, who found herself reacting to my mom's story in episode #72 about her decision to end a friendship over what she called, "neediness." Sally's letter was so reflective and insightful that I asked her to come on the show.

We covered: 

• feeling drained by a friend's needs.
• worrying you're overtaxing friends with your needs.
• eliminating the shame of having needs in the first place. We all have needs! They just rarely cannot be met by one particular friend.

MEET SALLY VARDAMAN

Sally Vardaman is a writer who believes in the power of stories to make us think, question our assumptions, and connect with each other despite our differences. She is the author of Shoot the Arrows, a new book of essays to her three teenage children on why honesty and self-reflection are the keys to a healthy and meaningful life. You can find more about her work at sallyvardaman.com. As well as on Facebook, Instagram, and Goodreads.

The Books Sally has found helpful on the topic of neediness:

Sally wrote, "There are no quick fixes and we need all the education we can get.  The great thing about books and learning is we always have the opportunity to understand ourselves better and change."

• Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, a great assessment on attachment issues with lots of practical suggestions for all attachment types.
• Platonic by Marisa Franco, a look at attachment specifically in friendships (pretty sure I heard about this one through Dear Nina :)
• How to Be Your Own Best Friend by Mildred Newman and Bernard Berkowitz (first published in 1971, thank you Nora Ephron!)
• Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself by Melodie Beattie (first published in 1986)
• Lying by Sam Harris

* All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

Let's connect over all things friendship!

• My Substack newsletter about friendship & more
• Dear Nina website with show notes and a guide to pitching yourself as a guest
• Instagram & TikTok & Twitter
• JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group
• Ask an anonymous question

Episode #79: Bri McKoy is a cookbook author and military wife who has moved seven times in 12 years. She went from burning everything in the kitchen to learning to cook as a way to create community. Have you ever wondered how to make good friends in a new city? Bri has repeatedly accomplished this task with some towns proving harder than others. 

Bri's husband, Jeremy, has been deployed four times since they were married. Cooking helped Bri make friends while he was gone. She is now the author of a beautiful and helpful cookbook, The Cook's Book, Recipes for Keeps and Essential Techniques to Master Everyday Cooking. I am so inspired by Bri's story. I think you will be too!

We covered:

• the importance of creating a sense of community, even when you know you're moving again
• which cities were harder to make friends than others
• combating loneliness and building relationships
• actionable advice on reaching out to others
• not waiting for invitations 
• learning patience in the kitchen and letting go of perfection as a host

FIND BRI MCKOY:

Website, Instagram, YouTube

* All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

Let's connect over all things friendship!

• My Substack newsletter about friendship & more
• Dear Nina website with show notes and a guide to pitching yourself as a guest
• Instagram & TikTok & Twitter
• JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group
• Ask an anonymous question

Episode #78: You feel good potential friendship chemistry with someone, but then what to do next?  This is an episode about pursuing a new friend. (We also get into some texting etiquette.)

• How do you pursue the friendship in a way that lets the other person know you're interested, but doesn't scare them off?
•  And if you're someone who already has a full social life, how do you make time for a new friend? 
• And why should you make time for a new friend?
• We also discussed some texting etiquette such as when to employ the thumbs up and when to respond with words. Fans of Dear Nina will know I have strong feelings about this!

Join my conversation with the co-hosts of Life's Accessories, The Podcast, Stephanie Goldstein and Rachel Levy Lesser, as we learn how these very new friends met and became so close despite living in different cities and neither one lacking for friends.


Meet Stephanie and Rachel: Authors, journalists, friends and self proclaimed over-accessorizers, Rachel Levy Lesser and Stephanie Goldstein remember what they wore on pretty much every meaningful occasion. In Life's Accessories, The Podcast, they dig deep into their closets and their memories to tell the stories behind these items. Rachel and Stephanie interview experts, friends, celebrities and just really interesting and awesome people about items from their jewelry boxes and closets, and they do it with wit, humor and insight.

Find Life's Accessories on Instagram and Facebook. 

* All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

Let's connect over all things friendship!

• My Substack newsletter about friendship & more
• Dear Nina website with show notes and a guide to pitching yourself as a guest
• Instagram & TikTok & Twitter
• JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group
• Ask an anonymous question

Episode #77: If there's one thing we need these days, it's some joy and laughter. It's dark times. And while today's story of a heartbreak from a friendship breakup isn't exactly what we think of as funny on its own, I am thrilled to tell you that there is a fantastic comedian out there who has made humor and art out of a painful friendship breakup he had in college.

Gabe Mollica's one-man show is called Solo: A Show About Friendship. How could I not feature it on Dear Nina? 

If you're a fan of This American Life, you might have already heard a bit of comedian Gabe Mollica's friendship breakup story. Reporter Aviva DeKornfeld did a story called “Say It To My Face” about Gabe. I don't want to give too much away from that episode, but for context, Aviva managed to interview not only Gabe, but also his former college best friend, Tim. The parts with Tim are the fantasy anyone with a friendship breakup has ever had. Gabe got to hear from the friend who got away. And it was that part I related to most in Gabe's story. We discussed it more in today's episode. 

Listen to Gabe and I swap friendship break-up stories and share how we both turned that pain into art. Gabe is a masterful storyteller, and his one-man show, Solo: A Show About Friendship, is in the middle of a long run in New York City with shows planned in Chicago and other cities, too.

 

More about Gabe Mollica: 

• Gabe's story on This American Life
• Review of Gabe's show in Time Out New York
• Information on getting tickets to "Solo" can be found here.
• Find Gabe on Instagram and TikTok.

* All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

Let's connect over all things friendship!

• My Substack newsletter about friendship & more
• Dear Nina website with show notes and a guide to pitching yourself as a guest
• Instagram & TikTok & Twitter
• JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group
• Ask an anonymous question

Episode 76: This episode of Dear Nina focuses on reaching out amidst turmoil (this time in particular, in the Middle East), navigating conversations when you’re not sure what to say, and the profound impact of letting someone know you’re thinking of them.

Questions discussed include: 

• Can a simple message of love and support make a difference to a friend during a crisis?
• Is it fair to expect friends to post on social media? 
• At what point do you let friends know you're disappointment they didn't reach out?
• How do you handle it when you see friends publicly post their anger about others' silence and you suspect they might be referring to you?
• What might keep people from reaching out personally or expressing their opinions publicly? 

Past episodes mentioned in this episode:

"The Friend Who Never Initiates Contact"

"The Friend Who Ignores Your Social Media Posts"

* All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

Let's connect over all things friendship!

• My Substack newsletter about friendship & more
• Dear Nina website with show notes and a guide to pitching yourself as a guest
• Instagram & TikTok & Twitter
• JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group
• Ask an anonymous question

Episode #75: If you're struggling with managing your friendships or looking for innovative ways to make new friends, this episode is your roadmap to a richer, more fulfilling social life. What you might be missing if you're not spending time with friends is a container for those friendships. My guests have tons of ideas for you!

Jeff Waldman and Dan Moore joined me for an inspiring thirty minutes where we discussed creating closer friendships by scheduling time with friends. Yes, something as mundane as scheduling in the magic here. We also got into more specific ideas like organizing workshops or trips, putting standing dates on your calendar for phone calls, dinners, fitness check-ins, games, workshops, retreats, and more.

We discussed saying yes sometimes, even when you feel like staying home, and the benefit of being the host of events instead of the guest.

Meet Jeff and Dan

Jeff Waldman is a designer, builder, and author of a book on tools. He sells building plans and has a newsletter on Substack called Elevated Spaces where he writes about both construction and community building and where those two practices intersect for him.  Two of Jeff’s especially pertinent posts about friendship are: “Who are all these friends— Scheduled phone calls edition” and “What’s Up With All These Workshops”
His communal property in California's Santa Cruz mountains burned in the wildfires of 2020 but lives on as a canvas for new project.

Dan Moore is a technologist, outdoor enthusiast, husband and father.  He has been writing software for over 20 years, and was shocked early in his career at how much software project success depends on human relationships. He's an author and contributor to technical books such as "97 Things Every Cloud Engineer Should Know" and "Letters To a New Developer: What I Wish I Had Known When Starting My Development Career." Dan's also an organizer and member of several interest based groups, including the Odd Fellows (a fraternal order)  and the Boulder Ruby programming language meetup group. Dan lives in Boulder, Colorado with his wife and two daughters.

* All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

Let's connect over all things friendship!

• My Substack newsletter about friendship & more
• Dear Nina website with show notes and a guide to pitching yourself as a guest
• Instagram & TikTok & Twitter
• JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group
• Ask an anonymous question

Episode #74 with Kristin Nilsen: Have you ever stopped to acknowledge the profound impact of your childhood friendships, even the most casual and fleeting ones, on your adult identity?

This episode is dedicated to the friends who touched our lives, even if they are no longer an active part of it. 

Walk down memory lane with Kristin Nilsen, a middle-grade fiction writer and co-host of The Pop Culture Preservation Society Podcast, as we scrutinize our early social interactions and their lasting influence. We acknowledge the importance of these friendships, even those that were temporary, and appreciate the roles they played in shaping us.

Special shoutout to Braeside Elementary School and the many classmates who made my childhood so special.

RESOURCES MENTIONED:

• Kristin's initial visit to Dear Nina was back in episode 26 along with her Pop Culture Preservation Society co-hosts. They talked about making new close friends at fifty and beyond.
• Childhood books we discussed: Charlotte's Web; the Betsy-Tacy series; Harriet the Spy; Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret; The Secret Garden, The Babysitter's Club series. AND-- Sweet Valley High--I said Lila died of a cocaine overdose, but it was Regina. Oops! And of course, Worldwide Crush.
• A recent episode of We Can Do Hard Things, titled, "Being Left Out: Navigating That Lifelong Ache."
• A previous Dear Nina episode with Dr. Lisa Damour about teen friendship groups. 

Meet Kristin Nilsen:

Kristin is the author of Worldwide Crush, a new novel for middle grade readers that unpacks and celebrates the celebrity crushes of our youth. It's also gathering a following of nostalgic middle aged readers who are having fun reliving their own first crush experiences. Kristin is also one of the co-hosts of The Pop Culture Preservation Society Podcast, a podcast devoted to preserving the cultural nuggets of the classic Gen X childhood.

Find Kristin on Instagram @kristin.nilsen.writer and on TikTok @worldwidecrushbook.

* All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

Let's connect over all things friendship!

• My Substack newsletter about friendship & more
• Dear Nina website with show notes and a guide to pitching yourself as a guest
• Instagram & TikTok & Twitter
• JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group
• Ask an anonymous question

Episode #73 with Ruchi Koval:

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you simply can't connect with someone trying to become better friends with you? Or, have you ever needed to "downgrade" a friendship? Letting down another person is never easy!

Join me as I sit down with Ruchi Koval, a renowned author, motivational speaker, and relationship coach, to discuss how to navigate these types of conversations with kindness and grace.

Ruchi also shares some hard truths that might require a mindset shift about making room for other people and not always protecting our time as the number one goal in life (despite the internet always teaching us the opposite of that).

Detailed show notes are HERE.


MEET RUCHI KOVAL:
 

Ruchi is a motivational speaker and relationship coach who has inspired personal transformation in thousands of people. She's the co-founder and Associate Director of Congregation JFX, an innovative community in Cleveland, Ohio. She has been a Jewish educator for two decades, leading self-development groups for adults and teens, and mentoring educators around the world. She’s the author of two books, (she's also working on a third!) and a mother of seven and a grandmother. And she is a trip leader for Momentum, inspiring hundreds of women on their journeys in Israel. 

I especially loved Ruchi's second book, Soul Construction: Shape Your Character Using 8 Steps From the Timeless Jewish Practice of Mussar. We spend some time on Mussar principles in the episode. 

Find Ruchi on Instagram and on her website.

* All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

Let's connect over all things friendship!

• My Substack newsletter about friendship & more
• Dear Nina website with show notes and a guide to pitching yourself as a guest
• Instagram & TikTok & Twitter
• JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group
• Ask an anonymous question

Episode #72:  Sometimes we hurt a friend unintentionally, but an apology is still in order. Is there a friend out there who might be waiting for you to say, "I'm sorry?" Are you ready to forgive the friend who comes to you with an apology? This is the episode where we encourage you to think about forgiveness---asking for it and granting it.

Who is we? I finally have MY MOM back on the show! We encouraged each other to think about the friends we might have hurt without realizing we have done so. We also talked about grudges and shared some personal stories of our own pettiness, others' pettiness, and we laughed a bit too.

Naturally the timing of this episode is inspired by the Jewish holidays of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, but the discussion is valuable and relatable no matter your background--Jewish OR NOT.

Join us as we navigate this special time of year dedicated to self-reflection and saying we're sorry, inspiring you to reconsider your relationships and how you handle grudges and forgiveness.

Resources:

• The 20 questions Bryan uses for self-reflection around Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. 
• The article I wrote for Kveller in 2014, "Waiting For an Apology That Will Never Come"
• The article I wrote for The Jewish Daily Forward in 2013, "The Benefit of the Doubt for the New Year"
• If you want the challah recipe I use all the time and wrote about in this essay at On Being, email me at ninabadzin@gmail.com. I will send you the pdf version.

Other episodes featuring my mom: 

• The Friend Who Will Only Text
• When Friends Ask Questions You Don't Want to Answer
• Widowhood and Friendship

Two quotes about grudges by Maggie Smith in her book, Keep Moving: 

“Maybe we say ‘holding a grudge’ because that kind of resentment is a heavy thing you have to wrap your arms around to carry. Holding it weighs you down, not the other person. Set it down anytime. Right now, for instance. Keep moving.”

“Expect that what you tend to will grow. Expect that what you feed with your care and attention, what you shine your light on, will thrive. Choose wisely. Keep moving.”

* All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

Let's connect over all things friendship!

• My Substack newsletter about friendship & more
• Dear Nina website with show notes and a guide to pitching yourself as a guest
• Instagram & TikTok & Twitter
• JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group
• Ask an anonymous question

Episode #71: Diamonde Williamson, found a way to make art from a painful friendship breakup and help others process their breakups, too. Just like romantic breakups, friendship breakups can lead to feelings of grief, loss, and loneliness. Yet, these feelings are often dismissed or minimized, making it hard to heal and move forward. 

Learn more about Diamonde's documentary, Best Friends Not Forever.
 

Topics We Covered:

• Friendships that end because someone decided they need to end vs. a friendship that fades
• Friendship breakups are an ageless, universal issue, causing pain
• Acknowledging the grief of a friendship that ended for any reason
• How mutual friends can handle a breakup between their friends (It's hard to be in the middle!)
• The importance of communication in friendships
• Taking responsibility for our sides of friendships that ended
• The beauty of reconciliation and forgiveness when possible
• Making art as part of a healing process

Meet Diamonde Williamson:

Diamonde Williamson is the Founder and CEO of Third and Wonder Production House, the go-to media and production company for Black women and Black culture, specializing in branded, documentary, and unscripted formats. She's created hundreds of videos for notable clientele like: The Oprah Winfrey Network, Google, Warner Bros., Essence, and more. Learn more about her original documentary, Best Friends Not Forever, and her highly praised podcast Creative Women Wanted. Her continued goal is to build community and produce entertaining, empowering and relatable art for Black women.

You can also find Diamonde on Instagram @therealdiamonde.

* All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

Let's connect over all things friendship!

• My Substack newsletter about friendship & more
• Dear Nina website with show notes and a guide to pitching yourself as a guest
• Instagram & TikTok & Twitter
• JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group
• Ask an anonymous question

Episode #70: Ever feel like your social life is a waiting game, stuck in the perpetual hope for an invitation to hang out? It’s time to flip the script! This episode is about empowering you to take control of your social time and friendships.


Don't  wait around hoping to be invited--reach out, take the lead, and discover the joy that comes with being the planner. It's a super power!


This is the perfect episode for a new school year, or a new season of friendship for ALL AGES from kids to every stage of adulthood. Yes, every stage--through retirement and beyond.


A few links mentioned in the episode:

• The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness by Robert Waldinger M.D. and Marc Schulz Ph.D.
• This Ted Talk by Susan Pinker: "The Secret to Living Longer May be Your Social Life"
• Episode #3 of Dear Nina, "The Friend Who Never Initiates Contact"
• Danielle Bayer Jackson is an amazing source for all things friends, and the upcoming guest I mentioned and not being invited. 
• And so it Anna Goldfarb! In this episode I mentioned her 30 days of friendship tips on Threads.
• My best friend and occasional guest, Taryn Kessel, always talks about being your own "cruise director." You can find Taryn on episodes #2, #9, #18, #27.
• Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim by David Sedaris

* All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

Let's connect over all things friendship!

• My Substack newsletter about friendship & more
• Dear Nina website with show notes and a guide to pitching yourself as a guest
• Instagram & TikTok & Twitter
• JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group
• Ask an anonymous question