Finding OK - Healing After Sexual Assault and Abuse

We're back! In this episode I'll be sharing what I've been up to on my break, what I have planned for this season of the podcast, and I'll be talking about a really rough day I had last week in the wake of Roe vs Wade being overturned.

Letters for the Fire is back in Season 4! This is a listener participation project. I am inviting survivors to write a letter to their r*pist or abuser and then send it to me. It's is my hope that this will help others with catharsis and closure. I want you to feel heard and to have control over the way that you're heard. 
You can listen to the Letters for the Fire episode from Season 3 and check out this link to learn more about the project and how to participate:
https://www.finding-ok.com/blog/letters-for-the-fire/

I am currently fundraising to afford a transcript service in order to make Finding OK more accessible to the deaf, hearing impaired, and neurodivergent communities. This will also help immensely with podcast growth and visibility. Please consider helping out by becoming a Patreon member or by making a one time donation via PayPal.
https://www.finding-ok.com/support/

You can also donate live on Twitch if you want to see me smile! Follow me to join Finding OK Q&A livestreams and join me while I edit and record new episodes...I also play games, chat, do ASMR, read books, paint, and occasionally do tattoo!
https://www.twitch.tv/hecate_findingok

Shout out to my Patreon Members Sedonka, Kathleen, and Betty for their incredible support and for making this podcast possible! I love and appreciate you so much! <3

This is the last episode of Season 3! Today I'll be taking some time to thank everyone who made this season possible, updating you about my plans and exciting new content during my break, as well as letting you know about some changes moving forward with Season 4!
New episodes will resume 7/5/22. Just because there aren't new episodes doesn't mean there isn't new content! I'm taking the time during break to do lots of new and exciting things!

I'm a Twitch Affiliate and you can hang out with me there all the time! New Finding OK  Q&A livestreams will be starting there soon as well! Ask me questions about your favorite episodes, suggest subjects for Season 4, and talk about the things that matter to you.
I'm a variety streamer that loves Sims, Indie games, ASMR, Art, Tattoo, and Among Us. I'll be very present on Twitch during my break and I hope to see you there!
https://www.twitch.tv/hecate_findingok

Visit my website to get a link to join my Discord server! Join watch parties, chat, read articles, share memes and pictures of your pets! It's whatever we want it to be!

Join my Patreon to gain early access to an episode that will be dropping over break, and also to the video episodes I'll be sharing as I teach myself how to edit video over break! Check it out here: https://www.patreon.com/HecateFindingOK

Earlier in Season 3 I invited listeners to participate in a project called Letters for the Fire. It was an invitation for communal catharsis and healing. I invited listeners to write a letter to their rapist or abuser, and I would read it in an episode, and then burn all of them in a ritual. Here are the letters I received from listeners. Thank you so much everyone who has made this powerful project possible!

A link to a video video of the letters burning will be shared here later on, check back later!
The video is delayed due to technical difficulties. Thank you for you patience.

Support:
https://www.rainn.org/

In this episode I share my experience of anal rape, discuss the dangerous myth that boys/men/AMAB people can't control themselves, discuss consent, and talk about some of the reasons why it was so difficult for me to identify this particular assault as valid and as a rape.
Sexual Assault can happen to anyone, regardless of gender or sexual orientation. Women and AFAB people experience anal rape too and it is not discussed enough. Because anal sex continues to be taboo in out culture there is an extra layer of shame and stigma that survivors of anal rape face on their path to healing. I hope that by sharing this story I can help others feel less alone.

The Episode Cover
The episode cover is an actual photo of me and my abuser that was taken the year this assault took place. It is run through a filter to protect identities. Without context the photo looks innocent enough, but within the context of an abusive relationship the image changes. I was standing tall and confident and he is seen pulling at my arm to spin me around, or pull me to him. It was a moment I know must have appeared charming or romantic to outsiders. 

Episode Notes:

Resource for Survivors
https://www.rainn.org/

The Myths
http://www.consented.ca/myths/perpetrators-cant-help-themselves/

TW: This article contains graphic details of sexual assault
https://www.washingtonpost.com/posteverything/wp/2014/07/01/my-own-rape-shows-how-badly-we-stereotype-perps-and-victims/

Vanessa is a veteran and a survivor of sexual assault within the military. Vanessa shares her story of trauma, her feelings of shame and lack of self-worth, and her spiral into depression which nearly ended in suicide. She found strength and she has moved into a place of growth, empowerment, self-love, and healing. Vanessa is sharing her story in the hope that it will help others find their own strength and feel less alone.

Episode Notes

https://www.rainn.org/

For Veterans:
https://www.veteranscrisisline.net/

https://www.mentalhealth.va.gov/index.asp?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=search-va&utm_content=mental-health&utm_term=veterans%20affairs%20suicide&gclid=Cj0KCQiAnuGNBhCPARIsACbnLzraUHWNq6E6eCF_zXPFw6ioOy9ZbM6Ecyjj9ZZuiEDoTEow237hYH8aAr2HEALw_wcB

More About Military Sexual Assault

https://www.rand.org/pubs/research_reports/RRA1318-1.html#:~:text=One%20in%2016%20women%20and,and%20one%20in%2016%20men.

https://www.rand.org/news/press/2021/07/19.html

TW for this article
https://www.nytimes.com/2021/08/03/magazine/military-sexual-assault.html

Kelly Thiel exited the notorious NXIVM cult and shares her journey with healing and deprogramming in the aftermath of indoctrination. She has taken her power back and is helping others to do the same.
Kelly is an accomplished voice actress, author, speaker, consultant, and the driving force behind her new platform, Be Glorious. Kelly was a member of the NXIVM cult and after exiting she appeared in the critically acclaimed documentary “Seduced”. She is set to release her first book in January 2022, “Unapologetically Glorious”.

Kelly's Website
https://www.kellythiel.com/

Remember to keep an eye out for Kelly's book in January 2022!

Resources for Cult Recovery and Education
https://seduceddocumentary.com/cult-resources/

Take Back Your Life
https://bookshop.org/books/taking-back-your-life-recovering-from-cults-and-abusive-relationships/9780972002158

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B001RNPD9M/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1

Headspace - Kelly's Meditation app recommendation
https://www.headspace.com/

I Got Out
https://www.instagram.com/igotout_org/

Seduced - documentary
https://seduceddocumentary.com/

The Vow - documentary
https://www.hbo.com/the-vow

Denise Bossarte is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and now she is helping others heal.  Join us for a conversation about Denise's healing journey as well as her beautiful book, "Thriving After Sexual Abuse: Break Your Bondage to the Past and Live a Life You Love".   
Denise Bossarte is an award-winning writer, poet, photographer, and artist. Denise is a certified meditation facilitator and contemplative arts teacher. She is an IT professional working for a large urban school district. Denise holds a BA in chemistry, an MS in computer science, and a PhD in developmental neuroscience. Denise lives in Texas with her husband, Randy, and literary cat, Sapphira.

GIVEAWAY!
Post about Finding OK on the social media platform of your choice to enter! It can be a link to your favorite episode, the link to the podcast website, or a heartfelt post - tag Hecate or send in a screenshot to enter. The winner will be chosen at random and receive a signed, personalized copy of Denise's incredible book! Winner will be announced in the next episode on 12/22!

Episode Notes:

Denise's Website
https://thrivingaftersexualabusebook.com/

Buy the Book!
https://www.amazon.com/Thriving-After-Sexual-Abuse-Bondage-ebook/dp/B0937GR5MR/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8

Join Hecate's Patreon!
https://www.patreon.com/HecateFindingOK

 Anna grew up in a fundamentalist Christian family as part of the Quiverfull movement. She and her six siblings were not allowed to attend school and were very isolated from the outside world. Everything about her childhood was strictly controlled, from the clothes she wore to the media she had access to. She was expected to teach herself from primarily religious texts as well as teaching and caring for the younger children. Her future was laid out for her as a submissive wife and mother to many children.
She left at 19 with help from family, starting life in a very unfamiliar world with little education was daunting but also thrilling. Seven years later she's still sifting through memories. She makes videos on TikTok recounting her experiences, and has found that many other folks grew up in similar circumstances. Many kids are undoubtedly still in that situation and Anna hopes she can raise awareness and play a part in helping others.

Coalition for Responsible Home Education - recommended resource
https://responsiblehomeschooling.org/

TikToks

Homeschooling
https://www.tiktok.com/@spookypatootie/video/7025738255169604870?lang=en&is_copy_url=0&is_from_webapp=v1&sender_device=pc&sender_web_id=6969742314420504070

https://www.tiktok.com/@spookypatootie/video/6991106244157132038?lang=en&is_copy_url=0&is_from_webapp=v1&sender_device=pc&sender_web_id=6969742314420504070

Growing Up in a Cult
https://www.tiktok.com/@spookypatootie/video/6985522389207567622?lang=en&is_copy_url=0&is_from_webapp=v1&sender_device=pc&sender_web_id=6969742314420504070

https://www.tiktok.com/@spookypatootie/video/7003110109895347461?lang=en&is_copy_url=0&is_from_webapp=v1&sender_device=pc&sender_web_id=6969742314420504070

https://www.tiktok.com/@spookypatootie/video/7010967459436023045?lang=en&is_copy_url=0&is_from_webapp=v1&sender_device=pc&sender_web_id=6969742314420504070

https://www.tiktok.com/@spookypatootie/video/7013846570139405574?lang=en&is_copy_url=0&is_from_webapp=v1&sender_device=pc&sender_web_id=6969742314420504070

Being Fabulous
https://www.tiktok.com/@spookypatootie/video/7027553385402436869?lang=en&is_copy_url=0&is_from_webapp=v1&sender_device=pc&sender_web_id=6969742314420504070

We all experience Death/Rebirth Cycles in our lives, periods of profound transformation and growth. These cycles are often painful and difficult. In this episode I share something that has helped me to better keep my balance and move more gracefully through these times in my own life.

Finding OK has a Patreon! Join for access to exclusive posts, pics, clips, and even the occasional video episode! Listener contributions are what keep Finding OK alive <3
https://www.patreon.com/HecateFindingOK

This is a personal and raw episode where I share the story of one of my assaults. Coercion isn't consent. Two Hundred "No's" and one "Yes" is still "No".  If you have a similar story, you are not alone and it wasn't your fault. It was rape. Your trauma is valid.

Episode Notes:

Consent:
https://www.rainn.org/articles/what-is-consent

Guest Interview with BardicSway on Twitch for RAINN Fundraiser - LIMITED TIME ONLY
This is me! Talking! with my FACE! Join Twitch to join me for livestreams! @Hecate_FindingOK
Part 1
https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1124490772?filter=archives&sort=time

Part 2
https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1124542439?filter=archives&sort=time

Join me for a beautiful talk with Sandra Cooze. Sandra is an intuitive mentor and coach, spiritual advisor, advanced soul realignment practitioner, jewelry designer, loving wife and mother, and the author of, “Journey to Your Self, How to Heal from Trauma, Written by Someone Who Did”. We discuss her book, her healing journey, her coaching practice, crystal healing, reiki, TIR trigger release, ancestral healing, and the Akashic records.

I forgot to mention it in the episode but Finding OK is 2 years old today!! Is it a Podcast birthday or anniversary? Either way - YAY and thank you for listening!! 

Sandra's Website
https://riseaboveyourstory.com/

Sandra's Book
https://riseaboveyourstory.com/product/journey-to-your-self-signed-copy/

https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/journey-to-your-self-how-to-heal-from-trauma-sandra-cooze/1138885647?ean=9781950895793&fbclid=IwAR2c8GYZiVdyhX8hTRdUwNBgToB6NCKnbx0XTM1AlkKNvHyFRNmiHqdSgqc

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1950895793?pf_rd_r=40J98K6817315670Q3T5&pf_rd_p=6fc81c8c-2a38-41c6-a68a-f78c79e7253f&pd_rd_r=e0315329-3bba-479d-a17c-b1804413aebb&pd_rd_w=m8v4G&pd_rd_wg=awupD&ref_=pd_gw_unk

Sandra's Jewelry
https://riseaboveyourstory.com/ethereal-soul-jewelry/

TIR
https://www.tira.org/

Reiki
https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/308772#where-can-I-get-reiki

Crystal Vaults
https://www.crystalvaults.com/

Crystals mentioned in the episode:

Larimar
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Larimar

https://www.crystalvaults.com/crystal-encyclopedia/larimar/

Black Tourmaline
https://www.crystalvaults.com/crystal-encyclopedia/black-tourmaline/

Selenite
https://www.crystalvaults.com/crystal-encyclopedia/selenite/

Obsidian (black and snowflake were mentioned)
https://www.crystalvaults.com/crystal-encyclopedia/obsidian/

Citrine
https://www.crystalvaults.com/crystal-encyclopedia/citrine/

Quartz (clear)
https://www.crystalvaults.com/crystal-encyclopedia/quartz/

Amethyst
https://www.crystalvaults.com/crystal-encyclopedia/amethyst/

Moldavite (use with care)
https://www.crystalvaults.com/crystal-encyclopedia/moldavite/

Sage rejoins me for this episode as we laugh and cover some pretty intense subjects. We discuss post-trauma kink shaming, sex, sexuality, and physical responses. We are sexual beings and trauma can affect us all in very different ways! You are valid and however you get down is valid as long as you're not harming others without their consent!

Episode Note:

Bailey Sarian - who we mentioned in the episode
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCtNdVINwfYFTQEEZgMiQ8FA

Teeth (2008) - TW for movie and article
https://www.vice.com/en/article/j5x957/teeth-is-the-feminist-horror-classic-that-men-tried-to-sabotage

TOS does not allow me to share links to the various sites or toy producers that Sage recommends. These can be found in a post via my BuyMeACoffee site where you can become a member and support the podcast.

Letters for the Fire is an invitation for survivors to write a letter to their rapist or abuser and send it to me. It is one of the deepest honors of my life to hold this space. I want to find more ways to help facilitate healing, to help survivors find their strength, and to help them feel connected, seen, and held. Letters for the fire feels like a part of that and if it feels right for you I hope you’ll entrust me with your letter.

Include instructions in the subject of your email
- "Read in episode", I will read your letter aloud in an episode of the podcast.
- "Read and burn", I will read your letter to myself and burn it.
- "Burn unread", I will burn your letter without reading it.

Visit the podcast website to contact me.
https://www.finding-ok.com/

There are now membership options via BuyMeACoffee! By becoming a member you help support the podcast and gain access to exclusive behind the scenes extras!
https://www.buymeacoffee.com/FindingOK

Cara Elizabeth is the creator of the Animal Pharmacy Deck. Cara is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and when she couldn't find the healing tools that worked for her she created her own.
.
Cara Elizabeth is an artist who resides in Brooklyn. She received her Bachelor's degree from Massachusetts College of Art and Design with a focus in Painting and her MFA in Experimental Animation from CalArts. She is a Baháʼí and grew up in a Baháʼí family, which fostered her search to independently investigate all spiritual teachings and the science of reality. 
.
Cara Elizabeth credits her decades of complex PTSD, due to childhood sexual trauma, as not only her greatest asset but what led to her creation of Animal Pharmacy. After very little success with healing from both western and alternative medical practices, Cara finally chose to no longer look outside of herself to fix what was broken, but, instead to go within and heal herself. This is how Animal Pharmacy was born.

Animal Pharmacy Website
https://www.animalpharmacycards.com/

Scripting
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QODevecChWs

TikTok
https://www.tiktok.com/@animalpharmacy?lang=en

Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/animalpharmacy/?hl=en

Andrea Gibson - I Sing the Body Electric, Especially When My Power's Out
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xAySTOeC2NY

NJ Lechnir joins me to discuss his book, "Addiction, Loss and Recovery: How to Deeply Understand the Mindset of Addictive Behavior and Win the Battle".  NJ shares the difficulties of growing up with an alcoholic father, his struggles with anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts, and how he has transformed former areas of insecurity into strengths that he shares with others.

 NJ is the author of two self-published books titled, Addiction Loss and Recovery: How to Deeply Understand the Mindset of Addictive Behavior and Win the Battle and, Leapfrogging Success: 5 Simple Steps to Powerful Presentations and Public Speaking for Nerds, Techies and Introverts. Having struggled with depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts all his life, and always struggling with intense anxiety of public speaking, he decided to break out of his shell and change all of that. In his books, NJ goes deep into his past and describes events that shape who he is today. Working as a successful Learning and Development professional, he is also founder of a revolutionary platform called The LEAPS Method, a 5 step framework that he developed and teaches in learning courses, workshops, books, articles, videos, and personalized coaching to help anxious analytical introverts like himself become powerful speakers and presenters. NJ loves reading, running, and photography. He is a loving husband and father of six children.

Episode Notes:

Website
https://leapfroggingsuccess.com/

Books
https://leapfroggingsuccess.com/download-resources/

https://www.amazon.com/Leapfrogging-Success-Powerful-Presentations-Introverts-ebook/dp/B071FL81DC

Medium
https://medium.com/@njlechnir

Welcome to Season 3! In today's episode I thank everyone who has made Finding OK possible, I share what I got up to on my break, and let you know about some changes with the podcast moving forward. I'm back!

Ramshackle Glory
https://ramshackleglory.bandcamp.com/

Talk Shit With P - guest episodes
https://open.spotify.com/episode/6RkdAR4VdWydlhdSU5yBEx

https://open.spotify.com/episode/6RkdAR4VdWydlhdSU5yBEx

BishPuddin666 on Twitch
https://www.twitch.tv/bishpuddin666

Sway_ASMR on Twitch
https://www.twitch.tv/sway_asmr

Play FM - Best Sexual Assault Podcasts of 2021
https://player.fm/podcasts/Sexual-Assault

NCC
https://www.notcoolclub.co.uk/
https://www.facebook.com/notcoolucl/

The Every Voice Coalition
https://www.everyvoicecoalition.org/

Jackie Roby shares her healing journey and the work she does in the world with healing and wellness travel. Jackie and I discuss the importance of asking for help, showing up authentically in personal and professional spaces, secret keeping and communication in families, healing from childhood sexual abuse, diversity, and anti-racism work. She shares how healing and wellness travel has transformed her life and helped her heal and release shame.
Jackie is a speaker, podcaster, writer, solution strategist, social media amplifier, yoga lover, travel addict, fierce foodie, empath to the core, wife, mother, and the CEO of Inspired Journey Consulting. 

Jackie's Website
https://inspiredjourneyconsulting.com/

Jackie's Blog - Through Inspired Eyes
https://inspiredjourneyconsulting.com/blog/

Jackie's Podcast
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/through-inspired-eyes-travel-can-heal/id1544605633

Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/inspiredjourneyconsulting/?hl=en

Books recommended by Jackie
https://bookshop.org/books/excuse-me-your-life-is-waiting-the-astonishing-power-of-feelings/9781571747358

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/129603.You_Can_Heal_Your_Life

https://bookshop.org/books/big-magic-creative-living-beyond-fear/9781594634727

Jackie and I both love this meditation app!
https://insighttimer.com/meditation-app

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.spotlightsix.zentimerlite2&hl=en_US&gl=US

Marco Polo App
https://www.marcopolo.me/

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=co.happybits.marcopolo

Santéresa shares her story of trauma and healing, her experience reporting rape and going through the justice system, and she discusses her beautiful book, "Releasing My Secret: A 30 Day Devotional to Support Your Healing Process". She talks about her work at the Rape Crisis Center and how she created Inspired By U to help people become their full and whole selves. She also shares the importance of faith in her life and her healing journey. 
Santéresa Wilson is the CEO of Inspired By U, LLC, she is an inspirational speaker, author, Certified Trauma Recovery Coach, she has served as a Certified Mentor Volunteer with Prison Fellowship and a Sexual Assault Response Team Volunteer Advocate for her local Rape Crisis Center. She holds her degree in Divinity from Christian Leaders College.

Website
https://santeresaw.com/

"Releasing My Secret: A 30 Day Devotional to Support Your Healing Process"
https://www.amazon.com/Santeresa-Wilson/e/B07ZZGL8BP

Take Back The Night Speech (TW)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YfCK0fW9As4

Eliot returns to the show to chat with me about various ways that the pandemic is affecting us. While chatting the other day we discovered each of us was putting the other up on a pedestal as a person who had been "productive" during the pandemic, and then devaluing our own accomplishments. We talk about video games, virtual community, social issues, mental health, productivity, neurodivergence, burnout, self-care, art school, sleep hygiene, and valuing yourself and your unique contributions. Laughs and F-bombs ahoy!
Artwork used in cover by Eliot!

Tw/Cw: Depression, anxiety, trauma, addiction, substances, Covid-19, and the pandemic

Real Human Better is now on Discord!
https://discordapp.com/channels/@me/812871061670068224/821134783735267338

Real Human Better Facebook
https://www.facebook.com/Real-Human-Better-101628431484897

Heather Chelan - @hebontheweb
Pandemic Song
https://www.instagram.com/p/CDRV20fp3A-/

Sleep Hygiene!
https://www.sleepfoundation.org/sleep-hygiene
http://healthysleep.med.harvard.edu/healthy/getting/overcoming/tips

Flux - Computer lighting control to improve health/sleep
Kim's recommends it!
https://justgetflux.com/

Terri Kozlowski joins me to discuss her new book, "Raven Transcending Fear". Terri is a writer, educator, leader, artist, life coach, podcaster, blogger, and a proud Native American of the Athabaskan, Gwich'in Tribe - Raven Clan. Terri is a survivor of childhood sexual assault and trauma. She shares her healing journey, her reclamation of authentic self, her decision to be a survivor rather than a victim, her daily personal practice, and her decision to choose love over fear.

Tw/Cw: Sexual assault, r*pe, trauma, abuse, child abuse, addiction, substances, abandonment, racism, ancestral trauma, religion, and spirituality.

Terri's Website
https://terrikozlowski.com/

Raven Transcending Fear
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1949798801/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

Soul Solutions Podcast
https://terrikozlowski.com/soul-solutions-podcast/

A Course in Miracles
https://acim.org/

Kintsugi
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r9LMKGte0UU

https://medium.com/@andreamantovani/kintsugi-and-the-art-of-repair-life-is-what-makes-us-b4af13a39921

https://mymodernmet.com/kintsugi-kintsukuroi/