Flying Free

Last week we explored the Myers-Briggs personality typology, and today we have a special guest, Stacey Wynn, talking with us about another personality typology: the Enneagram. Not only will the Enneagram inform you about who you are as a person and what motivates you, but it will also help point you toward where you can grow and develop.

No matter what you’ve heard about the Enneagram in the past, come along for an authentic conversation about the history of the Enneagram, its benefits, and how it can help you heal after abuse.

Key Points From This Episode:

• The history of the Enneagram and why we don’t need to fear it. 
• Why the Enneagram is anything but a box for our personalities (and how we can grow within our Enneagram type!)
• How the Enneagram helped Stacey in her healing journey after her divorce. 
• Why no one Enneagram type is more prone to finding themselves in an abusive situation than another type. 
• How you can apply the Enneagram to your whole life — personal, professional, and spiritual.
• What your next steps could be if you are interested in learning more about the Enneagram.

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download

You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

Who are you, really? And how do the different parts of you work together to create the whole you? What makes you tick? What makes you un-tick? (That’s not a word, but you know what I mean, right?)

Our resident Myers-Briggs expert, Rebecca Ferris, is here to talk about how understanding your personality can help you unhook from abuse. This episode is jam-packed full of golden nuggets about what each letter in the Myers-Briggs system actually means, what those letters mean about you and how you function, and of course, how the topics of abuse and personality types meet and mingle. 

Even if you have never taken the Myers-Briggs test, you will absolutely fall in love with Becky and this whole “secret code” once the episode is over. If you would like to take the test either before or after the episode, we highly recommend taking it through Personality Hacker (for free!)

Key Points From This Episode:

• Why the Myers-Briggs test is actually hard science as opposed to soft science.
• An explanation of what the terms “extroverted” and “introverted” actually mean.
• How Myers-Briggs helped Becky heal after years of abuse from her husband and church.
• Why certain personality types may be more prone to staying in an abusive environment for longer than they have to. 
• A “fun” Myers-Briggs personality type and abuse study that will blow your mind with incredible stats. 
• How to escape the box that your programming may have created for you. 

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download

You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

Have you ever been sitting in a women’s Bible study when all of a sudden the Bible study curriculum asks a leading question, taking the verses you just read completely out of context, and now you feel confused and upset but like you need to nod your head “yes” to the rubbish you just heard?

Or have you ever wanted to leave your abusive marriage, but you find yourself continuously coming back to your abuser because 1. You feel bad for him 2. Your biblical counselor told you that you can’t leave and/or 3. You’re afraid God will punish you if you leave? 

You’re not alone in this battle. Come sit down and listen while I answer some listener questions in an episode that will teach you all about how to NOT twist the Bible, how to NOT take responsibility for your abuser’s emotions, and how to NOT resist change and pain. Because change and pain can be really, really good things. 

Key Points From This Episode:

• Why certain Bible study curriculum can be extremely harmful instead of helpful. 
• A healthy interpretation of Psalm 15.
• Why our programming and beliefs dictate our feelings and actions.
• A red flag to look out for in a counselor.  
• Why change and pain can be good things.
• The many reasons why God won’t “punish” you if you get a divorce.

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download

You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

Covert abuse sneaks up on you. You may not recognize certain behaviors in your spouse as being abusive for days, weeks, months, or years, and even then, they can be hard to identify. That’s what makes covert abuse so incredibly painful, confusing, and hard to see, especially from the outside. 

Is your husband emotionally abusive, or does he just not know what it takes to be a good husband in a marriage? When does abuse become abuse — the first time, or after it is repeated many times over? If it’s just covert abuse and not overt, “obvious” abuse, does that even count as abuse, and should you just be patient with your husband? Let’s talk through each of these listener questions and more together. 

Key Points From This Episode:

• The difference between a healthy, good man, and an emotionally abusive man. 
• Why abuse is still abuse, even the first time. 
• The different masks that abusers put on to trick us and distract us from what is really going on. 
• What emotional abandonment can look like and why it is abusive. 
• Why the Flying Free Sisterhood may be able to help you if you are suffering from emotional abuse.

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download

You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

You deserve better. Your daughters deserve better. The women around you deserve better. She deserves better. This is a sentiment Sheila Wray Gregoire strongly believes in, and she is here today not only to introduce you to her new book, She Deserves Better, but to tell you exactly why you deserve better and how you can heal from the lies you grew up believing about purity culture, sex, modesty, men, and more.

Join Natalie and Sheila as they discuss the harmful lies you were taught to believe, how you can heal, and how you can help raise the next generation to have a better chance at believing and living in the truth.

Key Points From This Episode:

• Why She Deserves Better was written and the stats to back up the book. 
• How purity culture was born (and why it’s a big bunch of lies squashed together because of fear and then fed to us and our children). 
• How to help our children have high self-esteem. 
• Why Christian women struggle with vaginismus at twice the rate of the general population. 
• How She Deserves Better can help you reparent yourself. 
• Why telling the truth to our children about sex is vital to their physical, mental, and emotional health. 

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download

You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

Does your cluttered house ever make you feel crazy? And does it help to have a cluttered home on top of your cluttered brain from dealing with emotional abuse from your spouse all day? Probably not. Cue Dawn Madsen, The Minimal Mom. She is a declutterer extraordinaire, and if you want to learn a tip or two about how to keep your home tidy (and keep your brain tidy), you won’t want to miss listening to this episode.

Let’s discuss the intersection between a destructive marriage and simplifying/decluttering (if you think it’s a far stretch, you might find that you are mistaken), some strategies to help you clean house, and so much more. 

Key Points From This Episode:

• What decluttering and emotional abuse have in common. 
• Why there’s nothing wrong with you if you struggle to keep up with your house and the things in it. 
• Strategies for how to lower the inventory in your home. 
• What a “Time Will Tell Bin” is and how it will help you declutter. 
• Why body-doubling can be so helpful as you clean and get things done around the home. 
• Signs that you are in an emotionally abusive marriage. 

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download

You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

It’s about time we talked about purity culture, and I’ve brought in an expert, Dr. Camden, to help us do it. Purity culture has harmed many people in many different ways, and we need to discuss what the effects of purity culture are on Christians and how we can heal from the negative impact that it has had.

Let’s break down the three main ways that purity culture has impacted people (faith, sexuality, and relationships), what we can do to heal from those wounds, and how we can view sex in a healthy way moving forward. 

Key Points From This Episode:

• The definition of purity culture.
• How purity culture has affected women (and men) in many negative ways. 
• Why purity culture caused Dr. Camden to have to deconstruct her faith (the roots run deep, people). 
• Why people who grew up in purity culture may lack appropriate sex education. 
• What purity culture has done to impact the relationship between women and men. 
• The link between purity culture and the patriarchy. 
• Why we don’t have to swing the opposite direction of purity culture and teach our children to run rampant and have sex whenever they want. 
• Finally, how to find healing from purity culture. (Are you getting sick of hearing me say “purity culture” yet?)

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here  

If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download

You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

Note: This episode is a repost of Episode 84. It was too good not to share again with some of our newer listeners who weren’t around way back then! Please enjoy this interview with Wendy Hernandez.

What if I lose my kids? How can I stand up for myself in the process of divorce when my husband seems to hold all the cards? How will I keep it together as I climb this ladder out of hell? These questions haunt women in abusive marriages who want to escape. They wonder how to even begin to prepare for a custody case.

There is hope and there are answers.

In this episode, Wendy Hernandez, a Phoenix family law attorney, divorce coach, founder of the Hernandez Family Law Firm, and creator of the Command the Courtroom YouTube channel and online programs, covers several critical topics for divorcing women. 

Key Points From This Episode:

• Why the fear of losing your kids is based on lies/misconceptions.
• The kind of documentation and questions you should have, before or while you are using a lawyer (including how to find a good one or deal with a bad one).
• How EMPOWERING divorce can be as you set boundaries for a NEW life… of HOPE!

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download

You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

Have you ever considered getting a divorce, but the process is so foreign to you that you feel like shutting down when the thought crosses your mind? It can feel big, unfamiliar, and overwhelming. I want to help break it down for you in eight steps so you’ll have an overview of what it’s like and how to prepare. 

Let’s talk about picking an attorney, what the paperwork might look like, how your soon-to-be-ex might respond, what mediation looks like, and more. Divorce does not have to be scary and can actually be life-saving for you and your family.

Key Points From This Episode:

• What retaining legal representation may look like. 
• Why your soon-to-be-ex may drag things along during the divorce process.
• What the heck “pendente lite” orders are. Latin may not be your strong suit - let me help. 
• How to prevent yourself from being financially abused throughout the divorce. 
• What “horse trading” might look like as you equally split your assets. 
• Why your soon-to-be-ex may have renewed interest in spending more time with your kids as the divorce process starts. 
• Why you’ll want to join the Flying Free Sisterhood after this episode is over.

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download

You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

Rhonda is here to give you all the advice on all things having to do with finances plus divorce. Money and divorce can be a tricky, scary topic, but our expert today wants to provide you with tips, tricks, and guidance on how to make the divorce process that much easier.

You’ll learn about how to build credit, how to create a support team of people around you, how to be your own private investigator, and so much more in this informative episode with Rhonda Noordyk, certified divorce financial analyst. 

Key Points From This Episode:

• The reasons why finances in a divorce are NOT black and white.
• The one financial question that keeps women stuck in an abusive relationship. 
• Seven things you can do to financially prepare yourself for divorce.
• Why accepting that the person you married is not who you thought he was can be a helpful mindset as you walk through your divorce. 
• Why someone going through a divorce should hire a certified divorce financial analyst (and why it will actually help you keep money instead of lose it).
• What the DAM method is and how to avoid it.
• The Bridge Method course, and how it can help you financially as you walk through your divorce, step-by-step.

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download

You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

Does the Bible tell women that they need to stay with their abusive husband in the hope that her good behavior and great example will convert him? And how in the world are you supposed to respond to church leadership when they tell you that you need to submit to them? 

Let’s look to the Bible for answers to these tough questions (that I bet have crossed your mind once or twice!) and find out what Jesus wants for women who are being oppressed in these various ways. 

Key Points From This Episode:

• How deconstructing an abusive faith brings healing and freedom.
• Why we don’t have to agree with everything someone says, even if we really respect them and love their content. (I’m including myself in this, people. You don’t have to agree with everything I say! I don’t even believe that it’s healthy to do so.)
• Who Paul is talking to and in what context in 1 Corinthians 7:12-16 (and why those verses don’t apply to abusive marriages). 
• Explaining the facts: There is no other authority in the church of Jesus Christ other than Jesus Christ. 
• Why your church leaders may not be operating under the authority of Christ if they demand that you submit to them. 
• Why your body and its reactions can serve as a vital piece of information for your brain about the people you’re around and the environment you’re in. 
• The reason why you get to decide what authority you submit to and follow. 

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download

You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

Have you experienced being discarded by your husband, either emotionally or physically? Yvette Stone has experienced both. Being discarded is a pain that cuts so deep, even the strongest person is not immune to it. 

Yvette is here to tell us about her life story, from marrying her narcissistic abuser at nineteen to thriving as a trauma-informed psychotherapist who now helps other women just like her. Just like you. Join us as she tells her incredible story of healing. 

Key Points From This Episode:

• What a narcissistic abusive relationship is.
• Why it’s fair to say that everyone is on the narcissistic spectrum. 
• What the phrase “deflated narcissistic tendencies” means.
• How Yvette found out that she was dealing with a narcissistic husband.
• How Yvette’s husband packed up and left after a year of marriage (and how they “made up” and spent the next twenty-some years together). 
• Yvette’s journey back to school and the repercussions that caused in her marriage.
• How Yvette was served divorce papers at the end of her two decades of marriage without even a single conversation about divorce. Talk about discard. 
• The hardest part about healing and the best part about healing from a narcissistic abusive relationship. 

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download

You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

Marriage intensives: What are they? Do they work? Are they worth the money? Can a marriage intensive change an abuser? I get these questions often, and I asked the same questions myself. In fact, I believed in marriage intensives so fully that I spent $7,500 just for a man to take pictures of my angry face and talk about his own practice and family for one-third of the time. (Need context? Me too, girl. Go listen to the episode!)

Let’s discuss whether a marriage intensive is helpful when dealing with an abusive husband, whether it helped my marriage personally, and then some things you can do without spending $7,500 to “save” your marriage. I’ve got a list. A very fun list. 

Key Points From This Episode:

• Why God doesn’t just change our abusive husbands. 
• How doing your own healing work and having your own back is going to level-up your life. 
• My own experience with marriage intensives. 
• Finally, the answer to the age-old question: “Do marriage intensives work?” and why I believe they do or don’t in certain situations. 
• A list of ten ways to save your marriage that I found off of google, and why these strategies don’t work when you’re dealing with an abuser. 
• My personal, fun list of ten ways to “save” your marriage when dealing with an abuser. (You’ll just be a shell of yourself after following this list for the rest of your life. No biggie.)

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download

You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

Annette Oltmans is here to help us better understand reactive abuse and reabuse. After having personal experience with an emotionally abusive husband and reabuse from her church and therapists, she is on a mission to help other women in similar situations. Let’s dive into the messiness surrounding reactive abuse, what we can do to protect ourselves from reabuse, and how we can heal. 

Key Points From This Episode:

• What reactive abuse is, what causes it, and why “reactive defense” might be a better term.
• What mutual abuse is (and why it’s is actually a myth).
• Why having a therapist who is an expert in the field of domestic violence is critical to your healing (and helps you avoid reabuse). 
• Different forms of reabuse, also known as “double abuse.”
• Why reabuse can cause C-PTSD. 
• How to avoid reactive abuse and reabuse. 
• What Vietnam War veterans and you have in common. 

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download

You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

Are we unconditionally loved by God or not? How you answer that question will play a role in how you live your life. 

Key Points From This Episode:

• Why Natalie relates to our listener’s anxiety over this topic.
• Why Natalie thought her own mother’s treatment of her was how God must treat her, too. Spoiler alert: This was not a fair comparison.
• How spiritualizing everything can be detrimental to your emotional and mental well-being.
• Why believing that everyone else who is in “authority” over you is speaking the words of God can lead to some serious spiritual abuse. 
• The difference in believing that God’s love is not unconditional versus believing that His love is unconditional, and the fruits that appear in our lives due to each belief. 
• How your programming about God determines what you will find in the Bible. 
• Our conclusion (another spoiler alert): God’s love is not weak, and you are not a problem that His love can’t handle. God is not like people, and His love isn’t, either.

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download

You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

What does showing up for your children mean once they are adults? It is selfish to “let them go,” make mistakes, and struggle as they make their own way in the world? Also, why in the world would an abuser file for divorce from his victim? Isn’t it usually the other way around?

Natalie is back answering listener questions, and her insights will encourage and support you.

Key Points From This Episode:

• Why you aren’t selfish for refusing to take responsibility for your adult children.
• The differences between emotional childhood and emotional adulthood.
• Strategies for how you can support and help your adult children while still maintaining healthy boundaries.
• Why an abuser may file for divorce before you do.
• Why disregarding your abuser’s motives and instead focusing on your own rebuilding is critical. 

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download

You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

Have you ever wondered what divorce would be like from the perspective of a teenager? The members in my private program, Flying Free, asked my daughter, Aimee, a ton of questions about her experience with divorce as a teenage girl. We’re here today to answer all of them: the awkward, the hilarious, and the intense.

Aimee was fourteen-years-old when my ex and I separated and seventeen-years-old when we were (finally) officially divorced. She was in her teenage-prime. But she made it through to the other side and is now a thriving, mildly successful young adult (her words, not mine). She knows a thing or two about being a teenager living through divorce, things we might not know as moms of kids. Listen as we riff about what this experience was like for her as she grew up.

Just a few of the questions you’ll see in today’s episode: 

• My adult daughter says she feels shame over her parents' divorce. Would you agree? Did you feel shame over your parents' divorce?”
• When adult children know deep down that their father was emotionally abusive to their mother, why do they tend to blame the mother for dissolving the marriage?
• Do you think you were treated like you were too fragile to handle the truth of divorce, or do you think you weren't shielded enough?
• Have you been in any kind of therapy, and if so, what kind and did it help?
• Did you side with one parent over another, and if so, what influenced that decision?
• How did your parents' separation impact your relationship with your brothers and sisters at the time that they first separated, and then how has that changed over time?
• When should a parent start putting teens into counseling?
• Do you still grieve the divorce as an adult, and do you think your siblings do?
• What do you do when you know your father's behavior is wrong, but you still love him?

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download

You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

It’s not often that we get a listener question from a man, and less often that we actually answer it. But today’s question of, “Should I continue to hold out hope for my marriage after abusing my wife? Should I fight for my wife? And what, in your opinion, does that look like?” struck me as being a question that we could all benefit from, so I’m going to give you my honest answer and hopefully help all of the women in this community as well as this seemingly well-intentioned man.

Let’s talk about what taking responsibility looks like, why advocates and victims of emotional abuse using sarcasm and satire to make their points, how abusers who want to change and actually love their wives can do that well (hint: it isn’t by trying to stay in power and control over the wife), and why my book may help you figure out if you are in an abusive marriage. 

Key Points From This Episode:

• What taking responsibility for your actions may look like
• What triggers abusers and how an abuser’s mind thinks
• The best way an abuser can “fight” for their marriage (if they truly have changed)
• What the secret ingredient to a healthy marriage is
• Why giving your wife an amazing divorce may be the best way to show her that you love her 
• A run-down of my book and why it may be helpful for you as you figure out if you are in an emotionally abusive marriage

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download

You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

Learn about one of the fastest growing and most effective healing modalities in the therapy world right now—and how it can change YOUR life!

Internal Family Systems (IFS for short) may change the way you think about yourself, God, others, and your whole life (in a good way!) 

Professional therapist Jenna Riemersma and I talk about IFS, how it ties into our faith, where we can find IFS in the Bible, and why IFS can be incredibly helpful as we learn how to break free and move forward from emotional and spiritual abuse. IFS changed the trajectory of Jenna’s life, and it can do the same for you.

If you are looking for healing, a deeper connection with God, a deeper connection with yourself, and a deeper love for yourself, this episode is for you. Let’s learn more about ourselves, others, and God as we explore the precious “family” that lives inside of us. 

Key Points From This Episode:

• What Internal Family Systems is and where it originated from
• What job each separate part of us has, and why they are important
• Where we can find IFS in the Bible and how it ties into our faith
• How IFS can not only help us connect with God, but can help us find God inside of ourselves
• How IFS can help us heal from emotional and spiritual abuse

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download

You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

There’s a lot of confusion surrounding the term “codependency.” Is codependency bad? Am I codependent? How do I know? And what can I do differently if I want to break some of my codependent habits? 

In this episode, I break down eighteen different codependent thoughts and beliefs that many Christian women are taught. I also explore nine codependent “rules” that abusers and abusive religious communities hold us to that create codependence in us, and then I systematically explain why they are flawed and how we can change our thoughts surrounding them.

We are not stuck in codependency. Let’s learn how to break free from the rules and regulations that keep us in codependent cycles.

Key Points From This Episode:

• Eighteen codependent behaviors or beliefs, and how I have related to them in the past (and why you might, too)
• Nine crazy codependent rules that oppressive systems force on their victims
• Why those rules are flawed and how to think about them through a different lens
• Why we shouldn’t beat ourselves up if we find ourselves stuck in codependence

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download

You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com