I Know, I Need To Stop Talking... so I made a podcast

In which, after an 18 month absence, the podcast comes back!!! We discuss the ever-chaotic state of my desk; the arrival of Toast (the kitten, not the baked goods); my views about cats on beds; Beth's early morning surprise; Jamie turning sixteen; GCSE revision (bring back fronted adverbials, all is forgiven!); the perils of building work; me going to the gym - not a sentence I ever thought I'd say; and my latest Achievement in Adulting.

In which it's apparently very hot; I am the world's worst podcaster; I share one of Mr IKINTST's most excellent comedy moments; Jamie makes a startling prediction; we receive surprising news; I try and fail completely to cope emotionally with the end of Beth's primary school journey; Beth smashes Sports Day; and I have an awful lot of fun with scaffolding. Oh, and I make a huge great colossal error towards the end of the podcast which I couldn't quite manage to edit out, so have fun spotting that one. I like to think it adds to the world's worst podcaster vibe....... :-)

In which I remember Nana; I share some very exciting breaking news, which will excite precisely no one other than me; I hit new levels of incompetence; there's a Tiger Balm-related warning; death is sh*t, and dementia even more so; Beth finds a Northern Bath; and I share some of my favourite memories of Nana with you all.

In which I gear up for a bonkers week; I have the Night From Hell; my cats are absolute dicks; we discuss the utter pointlessness of SATS; Beth plays her last game of the season; my kids develop a weird obsession; I reveal one of my greatest weaknesses, and one of my biggest fears; I give my top hayfever tip; and Beth shaves a cucumber.

In which I update you all on my writing plans; I explain why you didn't get a podcast last week; Beth has a difficult day; I contemplate taking on an Easter egg challenge; Jamie has a big week; we have a family reunion; I reminisce on the madness of life growing up in a small village; and the big mice invade!

In which I am deeply unglamorous; I have my first AirBNB experience, and make a total tw*t out of myself in public; the cats are d*cks; we reminisce on school trips of old, including my first ever visit to the Royal Albert Hall; Jamie makes an unreasonable request; and my teenage self is absolutely batsh*t.

In which the podcast comes BACK; we have a very exciting Friday night out; I prove my old age credentials; my cat is a twat; I have a near death experience; my children are heroes; I celebrate my wedding anniversary and reminisce over the abject chaos of my wedding day; and Beth plays in the cup final.

In which it is very windy; my love sausage comes out a treat; I discover something even more disturbing than a love sausage; Jamie reviews his sister's football prowess; there is a disappointing lack of sharknados; we have an unwelcome return to home learning; I have a deep-seated distrust of planes; and my children are rather too enamoured by a very dead fox.

In which I go out to buy a love sausage; I do some Proper Adulting; Beth gives me a very proud parenting moment; we celebrate the little things; I tell the truth about just what I found when clearing out my loft; my children do Bad Art; I live in hope that I might have come back into fashion; we award the Dick Cat of the Week Award; I retell my worst ever rainy day moment; and I laugh possibly more than I've ever laughed on a podcast, ever.

In which I successfully complete Dry January; Beth plays in the cup semi-final; I excel at Embarrassing Parenting; we celebrate UP THE BORO!; Brexit is a klutz, and I worry about cats being stereotyped; my dad finds vacuuming his car more confusing than he'd hoped; I try to work out how we make these podcasts more accessible; Jamie's girlfriend arrives at our house LIVE ON THIS PODCAST; I announce our new family project; I share the household work you should avoid at all costs; and Beth steps up her plans for world domination.

In which I return from a podcast hiatus; I stagger to the end of Dry January; I explain all the reasons you should steer well clear of the Mother Of All Thunder; my house smells bad; I review Spiderman: No Way Home; I lose the London Eye; Beth wins a bet; and I take my really accessible cervix off for a smear test.

In which we all make it through the first week in January; I tackle Dry January; Jamie is bemused by testing, and Blazer-Gate ensues; the kids and I have an emotional Saturday night; I go viral (in the non-Covid sense); we talk about the perils of parental gaslighting; Beth meets Jamie's girlfriend; I take on a building project; and my Sunday night could not be more rock and roll if it tried.

In which New Year's Eve goes on a bit bloody long; my cats are (festive) dicks; my kids are amazing; there's controversy on the Christmas dinner front; I tell you about the kitchen gadget you never even knew you needed; Jamie shows his dark side; Beth gets VERY confused; and you guys make my absolute year.

It's the festive edition of the podcast: in which I share some of my favourite Christmas memories and traditions; life is discombobulating; my cats are (festive) dicks; Blue Peter takes a questionable approach to Health and Safety; we discuss how other people's Christmas traditions are always wrong; I hate wrapping bastard presents SO MUCH; I celebrate the brilliance of the Christmas Day Walk, and share my greatest Christmas parenting tip of all; I have a massive Christmas fail; and we talk about the things at Christmas that really matter.

In which I declare it to be Officially Christmas; Mr IKINTST and I attempt to write a Christmas song, and have a difference of opinion over Christmas decorations; I find myself ill-equipped to cope with the emotional rollercoaster of Christmas films; we discuss the differences of going out for the evening, pre and post children; Beth unmasks Father Christmas; and I have the worst getting ready to go out experience ever.

In which my vagina is indeed cold and frosted (it's ****ing FREEZING!); we have a heated debate about the correct point in the year to put up Christmas decorations; I share with you my theatrical recommendation of the year; my mum performs an early Christmas miracle for me; Jamie lusts after a Bushtucker Trial; Beth picks up a footballing injury; and Jamie comes up with the world's weirdest Dragons' Den pitch.

In which we discuss the soul destroying adulting task that is "life admin"; I confess to my secret fetish; my cats are dicks, again; I tell you all about my Exciting Day Out and tick off a major item on my bucket list; yet another one of my household appliances is an utter cock; I share my self-composed joke that made Jamie weep tears of laughter; we explore all of the reasons why you really can't pour from an empty cup (or any cup at all: much better to use a jug instead); and I share an IKINTST absolute classic.

In which I record a podcast in the midst of abject chaos; I debate a creative addition to my Christmas cake; Fanny Craddock scares me; I introduce you all to Barry; there's perhaps the most original hair-care tip you'll hear this year; and I share with you all some glimpses into the madness that is a typical day in our life, including the worst ever late night gift, why you never want to be responsible for waking Beth up, Jamie's sock-related challenges, and my outstanding prowess in pursuit of the title of World's Most Embarrassing Parent.

In which I live out an all time dream, and sing at the Royal Albert Hall; I have one of the maddest weeks ever; my hair appointment ends in dramatic style; there is a reason that I never became a mechanic; Jamie's feet confuse him; people are bloody amazing; and both Beth and Sandwich make unexpected podcast cameo experiences, and I'm sure this kind of sh*t never happens to Proper Podcasters.

In which I get unfeasibly irritated by pumpkins; we talk about not setting unrealistic expectations for ourselves; teenagers are brilliant (unless that teenager is me); we have a somewhat dramatic trip to the vet; teenage me leaves home (teenage me is also an utter dick); my oven cleaning goes not entirely to plan; WE GO TO THE DENTIST; I get stuck in a dress (FFS); maths makes me happy; and I have a riotous Saturday night in.