In Kind

Have you ever tried to get rid of things that someone else gave you?  A piece of furniture. Or someone's favorite dishes or ring or artwork. These things carry emotional and energetic weight! This episode packages the most amazing, simple tactics on how to release these things from your life and not only lose the guilt, but gain energy and aliveness in the process! All brought to you eloquently and with a bit of cheek, by Cynthia - a downsizing pro who's learned to show herself and her things empathy while letting them go. Enjoy!

SHOW NOTES:

Margareta Magnussun:The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning
Marie Kando:The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up

Perfectionism got you in its grips? My hand's up! And it's all of us to some extent - in fact this one's born from popular request.

But what if we did the opposite? When we aim for imperfection, we get an immediate energy shift and a freedom like no other. This episode is a tactical one to help you approach situations, people and tasks differently. And it's another way to show yourself some empathy and compassion. Do it. Try it. And Enjoy!

SHOW NOTES:
Marie Forleo - Everything is Figureoutable [go straight to Chapter 6!]

Where are we in 2021 on definitions of masculinity? Is there any difference between how men and women 'do' emotional release? Today I'm talking with Boysen Hodgson from the Mankind Project, an international men's community. They train men to be vulnerable, self-empathic and self-reflective. They're normalizing the emotionally intelligent man. We cover everything from 80s movies to women's reactions to men who 'overshare.' This is for anyone who has a man in their life - brother, son, father, partner, friend. It's a conversation that's so overdue, and we're having it! Enjoy.

SHOW NOTES:
Mankind Project - check out their trainings & men's groups 
Brene don't hate me if you're listening! We never circled back to the "Brene  Brown thing," which was a reference to her research about women complaining that the men in their lives crossed a threshold with emotional release, and it can permanently change the dynamic of their relationship. This comes from the On Being episode "The Courage to be Vulnerable." Which - zero exaggeration - I've listened to over 100 times. 

What do you do when you believe you're not good enough in ANY aspect of your life? Evan is here to tell you that you're not alone. He shares tons of tactics and practices that have helped him move through suicidal ideation, financial crisis, acceptance of an invalidating father, the death of a stillborn child, addiction, depression and anxiety.  Though he still feels the uphill slog of succeeding in his obligations and desires, this is one refreshingly grounded human. Enjoy.

SHOW NOTES:
How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie (this is where to find the poem "Father Forgets")
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy 
Find a CBT therapist
Internal Family Systems (IFS) episode with Dr. Richard Schwartz

In this episode you’ll learn that we all have an entire family interacting inside of us! They are called parts.  None of them are bad, and we can learn to become the leader and healer of our Self. Harvard Medical School Psychiatrist, founder of Internal Family Systems (IFS) psychotherapy, and author Dr. Richard Schwartz has decades of evidence to prove that human nature is inherently good. You’ll see how quickly you can access your parts, and develop empathy for them and the roles they play. You may even be able to release a part that’s stuck in a role they don’t want, like I did in the on-air mini-session. Mind blown. It was like 10 years of therapy in 10 minutes. Recommendation: Don’t skip around in this episode. Enjoy!

SHOW NOTES:

SoundsTrue - Course: Greater than the Sum of Our Parts
IFS Institute - Pre-order No Bad Parts, find a therapist, join an online circle group

Books:
You Are the One You’ve Been Waiting for - IFS in relationships
The Mosaic Mind 

Being a beginner happens ALL the time, whether you're 5 or 95! Beginnings are things like speaking up at a meeting, asking someone on a date, learning how to use new technology, becoming a parent and grieving the loss of a parent. We experience things with a degree of newness any time we don't feel like an expert - which means most of the time! We may feel 100% confident speaking with our team colleagues, and the opposite asking a question in a painting class. Context matters. Learning to be a beginner while  showing empathy for yourself is a life skill extraordinaire.  Here are a few ways to do it.

SHOW NOTES:

Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, Susan Jeffers

This is so common! We've lost touch with our intrinsic value and we look to others to assign value to us. Tessie talks about her own experience of how this fallacy developed, how it can turn into physical illness and depression, and - drum roll... -  how the cycle can be broken.  She has a few strong tactics to share that anyone can try right now. Wouldn't it be nice to live by your own standards instead of someone else's? There's so much to learn from Tessie.

SHOW NOTES:
The Gifts of Imperfection, Brené Brown
Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself, Kristin Neff
What to Say When You Talk to Yourself, Shad Helmstetter
Crimson Letters: Voices from Death Row, Tessie Castillo

Today I'm celebrating In Kind's first birthday by reflecting on what I've learned about myself and humanity in the last year.  I talk about experimenting with another form of letting go, specifically time. I've been experiencing 'time-free' days lately, and it's been insanely liberating! It's hard to express the depth of my gratitude for the guests, experts and listeners who've been bold enough to have meaningful conversations with me. Thank you for your courage, candor, support, feedback and humor. Cheers to global empathy, and to In Kind's evolution in 2021!

Neurotheology? That's not a word you hear often. It's an emerging field that studies what's happening in the brain when people are in deep spiritual practice.  We know that the more we use certain neural pathways the stronger they get...but studies using brain imaging show that prayer, meditation, mindfulness, and affirmations can change our wiring. It takes awareness and practice. Dr. Newberg says our conscious selves need to help our unconscious brain to shift - it’s a partnership. He gives us two simple, powerful tactics to start (use the Chapters to jump to them),  and advises us to “Remember not to get stuck in who we are. We are our own experiment.” Start tinkering.

SHOW NOTES

Dr. Newberg
Mark Robert Waldman, author

What do you do every day that lights you up? What pulls you down? If you're like me, you probably have meager accurate awareness of how you actually spend your hours. Instead of focusing on what we failed to do this year, and making the same promises (aka resolutions) next year, we'll look at who we became over the the last twelve months. They key to that is to decide how each of our daily actions makes us feel, and to do more of the ones that make us feel most alive. However 2020 treated you, this tool will wake up many aspects of how you live. I promise that looking into a few dark corners will produce gold in 2021.

SHOW NOTES

Other Year in Review Methods:
Marie Forleo
Patrick Buggy’s Mindful Ambition

Adjunct Partner to I Am Becoming:
Tim Ferriss Fear Setting 

Journals:
Passion Planner
Minimalism Art
The best journaling pen in the galaxy

Book:
Surprise, Tania Luna and LeeAnn Renninger

Have you answered the question from last episode - what ratio of who you are is of your own design? Think about it as you listen to J reform her identity in her 30s. She gives us lots of golden nugget resources and tools for anyone - cult or no cult - to learn how to love and empower ourselves. Now...for the escape!

SHOW NOTES
Workshops on Relational Power
Take the Risk by Ben Carson
Article on recognizing signs of incomplete grief
More about J and her escape - Tomorrow’s Not Promised  at www.jessieshedden.com/book

‘Worldlies’ is what the cult calls those who live on the outside. Never feeling like she fit in, and unable to express herself, J erased her identity to survive into her 30s. In Part I, we get into her self-talk, how she developed a fear of being the other woman in her relationships and what it took to finally escape. Having no idea how to live apart from the cult, J’s ability to develop her adult self with empathy and compassion is astounding.

[Part II drops next Tuesday]

Show Notes
To learn more about J, find her book Tomorrow's Not Promised

Did you know that empathy is a learnable communication skill? It's not a personality trait - something we either have in spades or are void of. To understand and practice meaningful [actionable] empathy, some fog must be lifted. Definitions, semantics and misperceptions of the word have caused confusion and I clear them up today. With a few foundational pieces in place, you'll soon see that empathy isn't only about feelings. It's a powerful compassion tool that you can wield for yourself and others with a little training and practice [even seasoned empaths need practice, daily].

You may be surprised at the many ways you can take empathy from micro to macro, right now. Insanely worth it. Enjoy!

SHOW NOTES
Psychology Today Article Empathy v Sympathy (this isn't the correct definition of empathy!) 

What would happen if we abandoned the pursuit of happiness, in favor of joy? How are they so different?  Artist, author and death row inmate George first came on the show to let go of perfectionism, but we pivoted in the last 60 seconds of our call when he said, "I'm happier now than I've ever been in my life." I asked for elaboration, and received an impassioned essay two weeks in the making titled, The Joy Paradox. In this interview we highlight a few of the aha's, illuminating self and other empathy in new ways. I'm honored to bring you the first printing of this publication - find it in the transcript. Can't think of a better way to begin a season of gratitude than with George's story.

SHOW NOTES
*** The Joy Paradox is published in full in the transcript
Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha, Tara Brach
A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose, Eckhart Tolle
Being Peace, Thich Nhat Hanh

Do you recognize when you talk to yourself? If I asked you in a crowded room to raise your hand if you believe you are empathic... would you hesitate? This episode is about the relationship between how you talk to yourself and your capacity for empathy [hint: they are mates for life], and how to get better at both. Nobody is born empathic and we certainly aren't taught to speak to ourselves with loving kindness. But these are learnable communication skills just like any other. When you develop a practice to nurture this partnership, the result is astounding inner peace, joy, patience and a feeling of spaciousness that's hard to describe without experiencing it. Want in on some of that? Take a listen.

PS: This episode is dedicated to my coach Stephanie Marino, who manages the task of molding and shaping my self-talk and empathy with infinite ease and grace

SHOW NOTES

• Dr. Shad Helmstetter, leading Self-Talk expert
• Learned Helplessness
• Stephanie Marino Coaching

Perfect timing for this episode. Kate is a deep thinker and a spiritual light. But this was hard-won. Her paranormal encounter was invalidated, and having her truth dismissed became a theme in her life - one that landed her three months in a psych hospital, death threats from angry blog followers, and ultimately her path to a new life as a spiritual healer. If you've been misunderstood (who hasn't?) there's a lot to learn from Kate. And don't miss the intro to shadow work towards the end - I'll be doing her burning ritual on Halloween night. Join me and tell me about it! 

SHOW NOTES

• Jack Kornfield Loving Kindness Meditation https://jackkornfield.com/loving-kindness-meditation/
• Tara Brach Letting Go of Anger Meditation The Parable of the Prickly Porcupine https://insighttimer.com/blog/how-to-let-go-of-anger-through-mindfulness/
• Body scan to let go of resentment https://insighttimer.com/mindfulact/guided-meditations/letting-go-of-resentment-and-its-pain
• Carl Jung Book - Shadow https://www.simplypsychology.org/carl-jung.html
• Shadow Work practitioner guide https://scottjeffrey.com/shadow-work/
• Kali mantra https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qUMGhUi1ETw
• Full Moon Burning Ritual https://eugeniarosa.com/blog/forgivenessbytheglowofthefullmoon
• Ho'oponopono forgiveness mantra https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vGd1F6QoHsw
• https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RqrssdH6ET4
• Non-violent communication technique https://www.nonviolentcommunication.com/learn-nonviolent-communication/4-part-nvc
• Kate's Spiritual Healing Practice 

Calling out comparison today and exposing it for what it is - an energy-stealing force that has no seat at the empathy table. It’s a Harry Potter boggart-style beast that's fond of bursting out and putting us face to face with our greatest fears. On my path to formalize the construct into a book, I thought it would be useful for you to learn along with me. We ALL spar with comparison but there are ways to wrangle it back into the trunk. This is part one of an ongoing series - much to unpack. Join me to learn some tactics to help you win the fight.

Minnie grew up in what she calls a hostile environment, with narcissistic parents incapable of creating a safe or nurturing home. She spent years longing for her mother to take care of her, instead of the other way around. Along the way she learned many techniques to retain her self-worth and to live a happy life. This episode is intensely painful, and a reminder that we are born with an equal chance to have our basic needs met - safety, shelter, love. When one or more is compromised, it’s an uphill battle to establish peace and positivity. What will you learn from Minnie?

SHOW NOTES

The Art of Loving, Eric Fromm

Havening, Paul McKenna: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=09IDxrXAi2s

Bessel VanDer Kolk (On Being podcast episode, How Trauma Lodges in the Body) 

Calming your vagus nerve 

Heart rate variability monitoring 

Post-traumatic Growth 

Minnie’s podcast - it’s about empowerment! https://the-road-to-empowerment.captivate.fm/listen

Do you know what your hidden wisdom is? Most of us don't. Jeremy is a self-described introverted communicator. Although he's built and sold several businesses, he works with major anxiety around public speaking and being a strong communicator even among peers in the entrepreneurial world. By leaning into his fears and edges, he found a way not only to work on these skills, but to do it while maintaining his soft spoken personality. He didn't become someone else in the process. Instead, he found what he calls hidden wisdom - the special offering we all possess - and kept sharing it until fear turned into fulfillment. Finding yours can be tricky. Jeremy gives us a concise recipe on where to start looking, and how to give it to others. Sharing our gifts is one of the greatest forms of self/other empathy. That's where the growth is!

SHOW NOTES
Find a Toastmasters Club https://www.toastmasters.org
Jeremy’s Influencer Podcast! https://whyinfluence.com

Have you ever stopped to listen to the things you say to yourself? Out loud or in our heads, we hear thousands of messages a day and sadly - most of them are hurtful and keep us stuck in our limiting beliefs. Self-talk is one of the main topics on In Kind, and changing it is one of the most powerful things you can do to improve your life. Today you can learn from Dr. Shad, the leading author on self-talk. There are some serious a-ha's in this one. Enjoy and tweet me what you're trying @julieinkind!

SHOW NOTES
Find Dr. Shad (all of the books, self-talk streaming, coaching, resources)
Listen to Self-Talk free for 30 days

Books
What to Say When You Talk to Yourself
Negative Self-Talk and How to Change It
Self-Talk for Self Esteem