Let Go and Be Free

People can use guilt to manipulate you or you can use it to stop yourself from growing.

Guilt imprisons you.

How do you know when guilt is a good emotion to feel (to help you self-regulate and admit that you've done something to hurt another)?

And how do you know when you're being emotionally manipulated?

In this episode, we'll talk through some of the more common ways that people use guilt as a way to emotionally manipulate you and discuss the tools you can use to strengthen your boundaries and build your own self-confidence.

Support the Podcast:

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More Information about Let Go and Be Free:

Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.

Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

Listen to the podcast on:

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Make time to take care of your body and mind.

But how?

What if you're so used to taking care of others or focus on your work?

And what if you feel trapped in a cycle of dysfunction? 

Where can you start to make inroads to living a healthier and happier life?

Resource:

Compare Your Life Expectancy with Others Around the World from The Washington Post 

Support the Podcast:

Become a supporter to help the podcast continue in 2024.

What external validation do you crave?

Do you throw yourself into work or helping others so that you feel good about yourself?

Do you know that you are worthy just because you are? 

If you grew up in a dysfunctional family and was surrounded by substance abuse, you may struggle with knowing that you are worthy.

In this week's episode, we'll explore how to answer the question: "Are you worthy?" and to sit with our feelings toward the roles we play in life.

Let's listen together and continue on the journey.

More Information about Let Go and Be Free:

Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.

Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

Listen to the podcast on:

• Spotify

• Apple podcasts

• Google podcasts

• Amazon music

• RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)

In this second episode where I discuss work and our relationship to it, I recap Simone Stolzoff's book The Good Enough Job and how fear has fueled my desire to work hard all the time. 

I also discuss how addicted behaviors are picked up by Adult Children of Alcoholics (you may not drink, but throw your time/energy in work, etc.). 

I share my personal work history and talk about losing my job at the beginning of the pandemic.

• How did I feel not having a job?
• How did that stir up my fears of not having enough money to survive (even if that wasn't true)?
• What is the healthy balance between work and rest?
• Having a balanced approach to life (the juste milieu - middle path) is best. 
• Who are you without work?

Resource:

"The Good Enough Job: Reclaiming Life from Work" by Simone Stolzoff 

More Information about Let Go and Be Free:

Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.

Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

Listen to the podcast on:

• Spotify

• Apple podcasts

• Google podcasts

• Amazon music

• RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)

What is your relationship with work?

Is it a healthy one?

Or do you throw yourself into your work in order to validate your own worthiness?

Why do we overwork ourselves? And is it common for those of use who grew up in dysfunctional families with substance abuse and addiction to use work as a means to try and save ourselves?

In this monster episode, we'll go through this complex and difficult topic.

Resource:

"The Good Enough Job: Reclaiming Life from Work" by Simone Stolzoff 

More Information about Let Go and Be Free:

Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.

Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

Listen to the podcast on:

• Spotify

• Apple podcasts

• Google podcasts

• Amazon music

• RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)

Are you afraid to rock the boat? Do you settle so you don't get hurt? Are you afraid to be your true self and fear that you'll be knocked down or fail?

Why do we limit ourselves? 

In this episode, we'll explore the reasons why we try to play it safe in life and how taking healthy risks can open doors to fulfillment and happiness.

More Information about Let Go and Be Free:

Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.

Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

Listen to the podcast on:

• Spotify

• Apple podcasts

• Google podcasts

• Amazon music

• RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)

A change is season is upon us and it's a good time to reset, reflection, and recharge.

In this episode, we'll discuss the various steps to help you recharge:

• Take stock of who you are
• Challenge your assumptions (black and white thinking: "All is bad")
• Disconnect to recharge
• Make time for yourself
• How do you want to grow?
• Take a baby step to do that.

Resources:

• Read The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner.
• Need help? Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline. 

More Information about Let Go and Be Free:

Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.

Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

Listen to the podcast on:

• Spotify

• Apple podcasts

• Google podcasts

• Amazon music

• RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)

What are healthy ways to handle conflict?

In growing up in an alcoholic and/or dysfunctional family, we might have learned lots of unhealthy ways to handle conflict, but not healthy ones.

Do you avoid conflict? Become an aggressor during one? Or play both sides against each other?

To exhibit healthy behaviors in resolving conflict, keep these skills in mind:

• Use "I" statements and not "you" ("You're wrong, you're bad, etc.")
• Take stock of your own responsibility and accountability: Did you do anything wrong? If so, admit it, and make amends.
• Have empathy for the other person.
• Be an active listener.
• If necessary, ask for time to regroup: Do you need a timeout so that you can be better open to talking?
• Set boundaries when necessary.

Resources:

• Read The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner.
• Need help? Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline. 

More Information about Let Go and Be Free:

Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.

Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

Listen to the podcast on:

• Spotify

• Apple podcasts

• Google podcasts

• Amazon music

• RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)

A relapse could mean that you struggle with addiction (e.g., alcohol, food, drugs, etc.) or you have a relapse of dysfunction behaviors (e.g., lashing out, withdrawing, regressing, falling into codependent behaviors, etc.).

When you have relapse, assess what has happened:

• How do you feel?
• What went wrong?
• What did you do?
  • "I make a mistake" and not "I'm a mistake."
• Reach out for help:
  • Al-Anon or ACOA meetings
  • Contact a therapist
  • Attend a recovery program
• Use the skills and self-care tools you've been learning:
  • Meditate (here's a 10-minute meditation to help you)
  • Eat healthy, get sleep
  • Exercise
  • Write about your feelings
• Read through and apply the Twelve Steps to your life

You are not alone and you are worthy of love and happiness.

More Information about Let Go and Be Free:

Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.

Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

Listen to the podcast on:

• Spotify

• Apple podcasts

• Google podcasts

• Amazon music

• RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)

Self-care is critical to our healing and finding happiness. If we don't know how to take care of ourselves, we'll continue to become trapped in other-centered care (taking comfort in trying to "save" or "rescue" others). The path that lacks self-care could easily lead to codependency.

In this week's episode, I discuss a whole list of practical self-care tips and also give a review of the FX show The Bear (available on Hulu).

Self-care tips:

• Affirmations
• Sleep, eating healthy,  and light exercise (Tai Chi, Yoga [try Yoga with Adriene on YouTube], walking, running)
• Visualizations (try this 10-minute technique)
  
• Meditation
• Daily passages
• Journal writing
• Reading

More Information about Let Go and Be Free:

Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.

Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

Listen to the podcast on:

• Spotify

• Apple podcasts

• Google podcasts

• Amazon music

• RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)

The life you want is achievable. But if you grew up in a family that struggled with addiction and dysfunction, how do you find peace and happiness?

I break down two real-life situations that I recently struggled with and talked about how I overcame them using skills that you can learn as well.

Come listen as we continue on the journey together.

More Information about Let Go and Be Free:

Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.

Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

Listen to the podcast on:

• Spotify

• Apple podcasts

• Google podcasts

• Amazon music

• RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)

This week I share some personal stories about how I learned to let go. Letting go is a powerful skill to learn. If we allow the past (or our present situations or the future) to trap us, we can become paralyzed and unable to act.

Instead, we circle around a problem and are unable to move on and thrive.

Need more help? Check out my new book 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.

Thank you for listening.

More Information about Let Go and Be Free:

Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.

Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

Listen to the podcast on:

• Spotify

• Apple podcasts

• Google podcasts

• Amazon music

• RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)

This week we discuss the third Other Laundry list item:

"We frighten people with our anger and threat of belittling criticism."

Some of us use a strong offense as a way to protect ourselves while others internalize the anger that they hold from their childhood upbringing. Both ways of behaving are unhealthy in the long run.

When you grow up in a family that struggles with addiction and exhibits dysfunctional behavior, we learn the same unhealthy behaviors. Addiction is multi-generational because it affects everyone in the family.

How do we deal with anger in a healthy way? And how do we stop using criticism to protect ourselves and knock others down?

One way is to first admit our unhealthy behaviors and another useful skill is to identify what we need. Embracing who we are and sharing what we need by making a true connection with others. 

To help us get to that place of being able to be vulnerable and trust others, researchers have found that those who practice gratitude are happier and feel more content. 

Read the "Giving thanks can make you happier" article on Havard.edu or check out my new book 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics. I have specifically crafted a full month's worth of gratitude prompts to help us focus on being grateful on our journey to overcoming our childhood past.

We can find happiness, peace, and love. But first, we need to find those things within ourselves.

Thank you for listening.

More Information about Let Go and Be Free:

Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.

Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

Listen to the podcast on:

• Spotify

• Apple podcasts

• Google podcasts

• Amazon music

• RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)

On this week's podcast, I read a passage from my new book 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics and I delve deep into the history of the Serenity prayer:

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

With my more than 30 years of experience with the Serenity prayer, I go over where the prayer originated, how I've used it in the past, and how that's evolved over the decades.

If you think that the Serenity prayer can only be used if you believe in God, I invite you to have an open mind and hear my interpretation of the powerful tenet.

Come join me and let's learn together.

Thank you for listening.

More Information about Let Go and Be Free:

Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.

Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

Listen to the podcast on:

• Spotify

• Apple podcasts

• Google podcasts

• Amazon music

• RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)

This week we work together on learning about the second Other Laundry list item:

"To avoid becoming enmeshed and entangled with other people and losing ourselves in the process, we become rigidly self-sufficient. We disdain the approval of others."

What does this mean for you? 

If you look at your own life, are you too enmeshed in other people's problems or are you too self-sufficient? 

There is no judgment here. We're looking to take stock of our lives, be honest, and then decide on how to live a healthy and happy life. Often looking for the middle between two extremes is the healthy path forward.

I also wanted to share that my new book 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics is now available. Within the book, there are a month's worth of daily reflections to help you to embark on finding the path to living an emotionally healthier and happier life. 

Thank you for listening.

More Information about Let Go and Be Free:

Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.

Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

Listen to the podcast on:

• Spotify

• Apple podcasts

• Google podcasts

• Amazon music

• RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)

Over the past week I struggled with some personal challenges and wanted to use the opportunity to share how I handled the problem by using the skills we have been talking about on the podcast.

And then I wanted to segue into discussing the first item of the Other Laundry list:

"To cover our fear of people and our dread of isolation we tragically become the very authority figures who frighten others and cause them to withdraw."

I learned a lot over the past week and wanted to share it with you so that you can apply the skills I used to help me in your own life.

Thank you for listening.

More Information about Let Go and Be Free:

Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.

Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

Listen to the podcast on:

• Spotify

• Apple podcasts

• Google podcasts

• Amazon music

• RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)

Learn to belong to yourself through self-acceptance. Growing up in a family where there was addiction and dysfunction does not mean that you are unworthy of happiness and being loved.

Shame and embarrassment might have a hold on you, but there are tools you can use to help you overcome your past trauma.

In this week's episode, I share my personal story about how I've struggled with self-acceptance and how I've learned to overcome the trauma from my past.

If you are looking for hope, this episode is for you. 

You are not alone. You are worthy of love and happiness.

More Information about Let Go and Be Free:

Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.

Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

Listen to the podcast on:

• Spotify

• Apple podcasts

• Google podcasts

• Amazon music

• RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)

The fourteenth and final Laundry List item from the Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Family World Service Organization is a tough one:

"Para-alcoholics are reactors rather than actors."

When we take stock of how we respond to a problem that crops up in life, do we react or are we actors?

Here's an example: If you lose your job, do you blame others/yourself, or do you put together a plan on how to get your next job?

In this week's episode, we discuss your toolkit on how to identify and process your emotions and then use healthy skills/activities to help you deal with life's problem.

Life is a journey. Understand why you react to certain situations is important as is learning how to overcome being stuck with unhealthy behaviors. Regulating emotions, processing your feelings, and overcoming your past takes time and practice.

Let's listen and work together.

More Information about Let Go and Be Free:

Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.

Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

Listen to the podcast on:

• Spotify

• Apple podcasts

• Google podcasts

• Amazon music

• RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)

While my family and I watched Rainn Wilson and the Geography of Bliss, I learned an important lesson:

One of the Icelandic people's favorite sayings is: "þetta reddast" that roughly translates to "it will all work out okay."

How often do you worry about the past, the present, or the future?

What if we could learn a way to be happy in the present?

In this week's episode, I discuss Rainn Wilson's new Peacock show and what I learned in the first episode.

Resources:

• World Happiness Report
  • Iceland falls at #3 and USA is #15.
• Danish saying: "Pyt" that roughly translates to "don't worry about it" or "oh, well."

I grew up in a dysfunctional family surrounded by chaos and instability. I spent a lot of time thinking about what might happen so that I could prepare for the worst. Unfortunately, that turned to worry and worrying doesn't solve problems.

How can we use what people in happier countries believe to help us heal and grow? 

Listen and find out.

More Information about Let Go and Be Free:

Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.

Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

Listen to the podcast on:

• Spotify

• Apple podcasts

• Google podcasts

• Amazon music

• RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)

Rest is essential to our well-being. Join me this week as I discuss a personal struggle that I've encountered and then share how I'm going to work on fixing the problem.

It's great to be working the steps, going to therapy, but sometimes it's important to take a step back and to reflect. 

And just be.

Not to do anything, but to sit with our thoughts and to find a healthy balance within.

Some people work to the extreme, some avoid responsibility. Often, people see life in the extremes: Overworking or avoiding work. Being too emotional or being closed off to the world.

Why is that?

Come listen to this episode and we're discuss together.

More Information about Let Go and Be Free:

Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.

Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

Listen to the podcast on:

• Spotify

• Apple podcasts

• Google podcasts

• Amazon music

• RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)