Let Go and Be Free

In this week's episode, we're going to discuss items 12 & 13 of the Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families Service Organization’s Laundry List.

When we are reviewing the laundry list items, it's important to be open to a thorough reflection on yourself. 

This does not mean that you berate yourself, call yourself stupid, or shed the accountability for your own actions and blame your past.

No, what's important is that you are honest with who you are as a person. We learned unhealthy behaviors as children and grew up to be para-alcoholics who were often desperately afraid of abandonment.

Once you've allowed yourself to feel and to admit your truth, then you need to decide what the next step is: do you want to heal? 

Do you want to learn healthier ways of communicating with people?

Do you want to learn how to have healthy relationships?

The path forward might seem impossible, but it's not.

You are not alone.

More Information about Let Go and Be Free:

Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.

Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

Listen to the podcast on:

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In this week's episode, we're going to discuss items 10 & 11 of the Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families Service Organization’s Laundry List.

When going through the laundry list items, there will be times when you won't necessarily identify with them, but there's still a lot to be learned.

Having tools at the ready to help you, is essential is laying the groundwork to setting up a health environment.

Often we grew up in families where this was instability, fighting, yelling, and worse.

In the present, we have the choice to learn how to handle our problems and process our emotions in a healthy way (hint: repression or over-expression aren't helpful either).

So, let's sit back and listen together on what we can learn from these two laundry list items.

More Information about Let Go and Be Free:

Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.

Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

Listen to the podcast on:

• Spotify

• Apple podcasts

• Google podcasts

• Amazon music

• RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)

In this week's episode, we take a break from reviewing the Laundry List items from the Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Family World Service Organization and focus on learning how to be grateful in the present.

We discuss several relatable tips on how to be grounded in the present and to learn how to stop obsessing about the past, trying to fill the hole inside yourself by "saving" people, or worrying about what might happen in the future.

Embracing gratitude in the present helps us overcoming the past and allows us the energy to focus on what really matters: Healing and loving ourselves.

More Information about Let Go and Be Free:

Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.

Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

Listen to the podcast on:

• Spotify

• Apple podcasts

• Google podcasts

• Amazon music

• RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)

In this week's episode, we're going to discuss items 8 & 9 of the Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families Service Organization’s Laundry List.

Are you addicted to excitement and the thrill of losing yourself in the moment to forget your own problems?

Or do you find that you tend to "love" people who you want to try and rescue?

These two topics aren't easy to discuss because they might cause you to feel guilt or shame.

The good news is that we're in a safe environment and we'll go through and discuss these items together.

The more you learn about unhealthy coping mechanisms you've used to live and get by, the better you can choose to let them go and learn healthier behaviors.

More Information about Let Go and Be Free:

Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.

Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

Listen to the podcast on:

• Spotify

• Apple podcasts

• Google podcasts

• Amazon music

• RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)

In this week's episode, we take a break from reviewing the Laundry List items from the Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Family World Service Organization and focus on these question:

• What do you normally do when you fall down in life and fail?
• What happens when you fall back into unhealthy coping mechanisms?
• How do you move forward? 

At some point in life, we all make mistakes, fall, and trip up. Knowing what to do (and how) to get back up on our feet and move forward on our journey of healing is important to living a long and healthy life.

More Information about Let Go and Be Free:

Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.

Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

Listen to the podcast on:

• Spotify

• Apple podcasts

• Google podcasts

• Amazon music

• RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)

When I first reviewed the Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families Service Organization’s Laundry List, I felt overwhelmed.

In this week's episode, we go over items 6 and 7 of the Laundry List. Do you see yourself in either of this list items?

If so, take some time to process your feelings, talk with a trusted friend, or share at an Adult Children of Alcoholics meeting and think about your boundaries.

Are you happy with your relationships in your life?

Remember to ask yourself these questions when reviewing items 6 & 7 of the Laundry List:

• Is it true?
• Is this healthy for me?

More Information about Let Go and Be Free:

Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.

Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

Listen to the podcast on:

• Spotify

• Apple podcasts

• Google podcasts

• Amazon music

• RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)

When I first reviewed the Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families Service Organization’s Laundry List, I felt overwhelmed.

In this week's episode, we go over items 4 and 5 of the Laundry List. There's a lot to take in, but there is hope. Instead of berating yourself and putting yourself down, I invite you to take a step back, listen, and learn with me as we go this journey together.

You are not alone.

More Information about Let Go and Be Free:

Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.

Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

Listen to the podcast on:

• Spotify

• Apple podcasts

• Google podcasts

• Amazon music

• RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)

Listening to the negative voices from our past restricts us from growing and living a happy life.

When we focus on self-pity, we remain trap. To change that, what steps can you take to stop ruminating thoughts and negativity? 

If you don't see yourself as worthy and loveable, then you will remain closed off from the greater possibilities ahead of you in life.

More Information about Let Go and Be Free:

Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.

Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

Listen to the podcast on:

• Spotify

• Apple podcasts

• Google podcasts

• Amazon music

• RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)

When you first review the Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families Service Organization’s Laundry List, you might feel overwhelmed. I know I did when I first read them.

The good news is that as soon as you take the first step to overcome your past and are willing to read through the Laundry List, you’ve allowed yourself the freedom to reflect and be honest with yourself. Change takes time.

In this first look at the Laundry List, I review the first 3 Laundry List items and share personal stories of my own challenges with them.

I invite you to come on this journey with me, listen to the episode, and then give yourself the space and time to decide what you’d like to do next.

Let’s get started and see what we can learn together.

More Information about Let Go and Be Free:

Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.

Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

Listen to the podcast on:

• Spotify

• Apple podcasts

• Google podcasts

• Amazon music

• RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)

There will be times when you will want to give up. You might be tired of the journey and just want to fall back into comfortable coping mechanisms and to stick with unhealthy behaviors because it's what you know.

In this week's episode, I talk about the challenges in learning healthy behaviors and how to prepare for times when you're exhausted and just want to give up.

Accepting how you feel is important as is giving yourself the space and time to process your feelings.

Life is not an all or nothing sum game. There will be times when we want to give up, times when we make mistakes, and then times to get up again.

That's the circle of life.

More Information about Let Go and Be Free:

Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.

Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

Disclaimer: If you feel unsafe, get help.

In the US, there's the National Domestic Violence Hotline

Their 24/7 phone number is: 1-800-799-7233

Why is conflict resolution important? 

What does this have to do with growing up in an alcoholic and/or dysfunctional family?

Often we saw arguments, disagreements, and they escalated. As kids, we had no power to control what we saw. Fights could turn to ugly screaming matches, and for some, escalated to physical violence. 

As an adult, how do you deal with conflict? 

Rush in with a strong offense? Avoid it? 

Each of us has learned various methods on dealing with disagreements. Here are some healthy ways of handling conflict: Listen, validate what you've heard, speak what you need, and compromise. Unfortunately, if others are not willing to take the same steps, you'll get nowhere. Boundaries and descalation are critical. Protect yourself.

Steps to confliction resolution:

• Listen
• Express your thoughts: "I am needing..." [Not: "You do this, you do that."] What do you need?
• Solve the problem: Compromise. If compromise isn't possible, agree to disagree. 

Conflict resolution isn't perfect and it takes time to learn new skills.

More Information about Let Go and Be Free:

Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.

Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

It's time to celebrate. It's been 1 year of this podcast and we've gone through the 12 steps and learned healthy skills to help us overcome our past. As we move forward, let’s embrace and celebrate life.

It's okay to be happy.

It’s okay to take time to celebrate.

It’s okay to know that you are worthy of love and joy.

Let’s reflect together on what we’ve learned and how we can embrace the simplest of things in life and be happy.

More Information about Let Go and Be Free:

Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.

Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

In today's episode, I discuss the twelfth step from Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families World Service Organization's 12 Steps.

Step 12: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others who still suffer, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

What does this step mean?

What is doesn't mean is that we try to force the 12 steps on someone else.

Show rather than tell.

Show people how your behavior has changed when dealing with problems rather than telling them all the things you've learned by following the steps.

The 12 steps are a framework that helps you build up a toolset that allows you to act differently when confront with a problem or crisis.

Use what you've learned to build boundaries and identify healthier behaviors on how to solve problems.

Resource:

New York Times Article: Teens Are Struggling Right Now. What Can Parents Do?

Verbalizing your emotions is critical. Put your feelings into words as you're going through the 12 steps and remember that not everyone will want to use the steps—and that's okay.

More Information about Let Go and Be Free:

Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.

Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

In today's episode, I discuss the eleventh step from Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families World Service Organization's 12 Steps.

Step 11: Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understand God, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out.

Many people get to step 11 and then see all the mention of God and move on. In this week's episode, I'd like to present a different interpretation of this step. If you believe in God, then the step gives specific instructions on how to move forward.

But what if you don't believe in God? Should you just ignore this step? 

Instead, I recommend focusing on the meditation part of the step and then to use this step to self-reflect. Ask yourself questions such as: Why am I here on this Earth? What am I supposed to do? Is it just pure coincidence that humans came into being? Use the time to ask yourself the big questions so that you can get outside of your own head and focus on something that you can't answer. Why? Because you can take your first steps into seeing how life is more than just what you can see around you. There's so much we can't see or know and that's okay. 

Are you going to move forward and grow beyond your childhood upbringing and learn new skills or stay locked in a cycle of generational dysfunction? 

Thankfully, the choice is yours.

More Information about Let Go and Be Free:

Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.

Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

In today's episode, we're taking a break from the 12 Steps so that we all have time to process what we've learned so far and ask ourselves this question:

Is it okay to put yourself first?

Self-care is a critical part of being healthy. In order to be healthy, we need to focus on the following:

• Our body (eating, hydration, moderate exercise [as approved by your doctor], and sleep)
• Our psychological/mental needs (companionship, love, friendship, social bonds)
  • Be sure to read the Science study on "Social Relationships and Health."
• Our spiritual needs (this does not need to be God, but also entails yoga, meditation, visualization techniques, and our connection with nature).

Take time to do some self-reflection and be honest with yourself on whether you're taking care of yourself so that you thrive and aren't just surviving.

More Information about Let Go and Be Free:

Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.

Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

In today's episode, I discuss the tenth step from Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families World Service Organization's 12 Steps.

Step 10: Continued to take personal inventory and, when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.

As we go about our day, are we taking stock of what we've done and how we're acting? The purpose of step 10 is to take time to reflect on our past unhealthy coping mechanisms and behaviors, adjust our behavior moving forward, and admit when we've made a mistake.

For example, if someone is unable to say "No," they might be pulled into a cycle of unhealthy behaviors by continuing to have weak boundaries.

When taking stock of this step, two helpful questions are:

• Is this healthy for me?
• Is it true?

The 12 Steps are a framework to help us learn healthier behaviors. If we never saw healthy relationships while growing up, now is the time to take accountabiity and be willing to learn.

More Information about Let Go and Be Free:

Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.

Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

In today's episode, I discuss the ninth step from Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families World Service Organization's 12 Steps.

Step 9: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

Before you go out into the world and start making amends, think through why you're making the amends. Who is it for? You or them?

In this week's podcast I'll also go through the Golden rule and apply the Platinum rule to step 8.

What's the Platinum rule?

"Do unto others as they would want to be done to them."

And when you're going through your list of people to make amends to, do you have yourself on the list? Might be worth putting yourself down and thinking about what making amends to yourself would mean. You might be surprised with the wealth of emotional growth and happiness that will come from that.

More Information about Let Go and Be Free:

Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

In today's episode, I discuss the seventh step from Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families World Service Organization's 12 Steps.

Step 8: Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.

Step 8 can be a ticky one. As we start to work on this step, ask yourself this question: "Why am I looking to make amends to this person?"

Is it for your own egocentric means (e.g., you're looking to get back together with an ex) and are you respecting the person? Maybe they don't wish to be contacted.

The purpose of this step is to grow and learn how to use the framework of the 12 Steps to be happier in all of your relationships.

More Information about Let Go and Be Free:

Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

In today's episode, I discuss the seventh step from Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families World Service Organization's 12 Steps.

Step 7: Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.

I know that this step, that mentions "God", might be offputting to many people, so I wanted to share this article:

• The 12 Steps for Atheists: It’s not necessarily the “God” you think

There is a lot that we can learn from step 7 as it's the point at which we are willing to admit that we need hep from others. Expressing vulnerability is not easy, so let's dive right in and discuss step 7 from a different perspective.

More Information about Let Go and Be Free:

Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

In today's episode, I discuss the sixth step from Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families World Service Organization's 12 Steps.

Step 6: Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

Fear not. If you’re not interested in doing this step and stay far away from any concept of God, there’s still a lot you can get from this step.

Self-reflection, seeing yourself from a different perspective, and be willing to change.

Does “defects of character” mean that you’re “broken” or that something’s “not right” with you?

How to embrace who we are, the fullness of our existence, and not just the parts that we want people to see.

Incorporating our hurt, the pain, along with all of our experiences by owning our past allows us to step onto a new path instead of running from who we truly are.

More Information about Let Go and Be Free:

Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.