Love Over Addiction

The word surrender is used a lot in the world of addiction. One of the things that always bothered me was that I was constantly being told that I needed to “let go and surrender,” but I never really understood how.

The word surrender to me means letting go of my emotional investment in a certain outcome. Surrender doesn't mean we stop loving or caring.

Another way of looking at how to “let go” is to think about the opposite of surrendering.

What’s the opposite of surrendering? Controlling.

https://michelleanderson.substack.com/

Do you ever wonder: "Why do I keep going back to someone who hurts me so much?" There are many reasons we stay, but today, I’m going to be vulnerable and share with you why I deeply loved a man who clearly didn’t love me or himself enough to get sober.

https://michelleanderson.substack.com/

Your loved one might seem put together on the outside. Most men and women who drink too much or suffer from substance abuse disorder hold good jobs and earn a good living. Most of the time, they can help take care of the kids and household duties.

And because they are so high-functioning, it can leave you feeling nervous about sharing with friends and family just how bad things have become.

In this episode, we explore three of the reasons why we don't talk about addiction and our loved one. 

https://michelleanderson.substack.com/

It's almost time for Valentine's Day and Super Bowl Sunday (in America). One holiday can leave us feeling disappointed and unloved, wondering, "Why don't they love me enough?" We see the commercials for Valentine's Day with loving couples, chocolates, and flowers, but that's usually not our reality. We live in a different world. A world where love is unreliable. Where love hurts. And when they reach for the drinks, drugs, or whatever else is distracting them from getting healthy, we feel rejected over and over.

Because we all might be feeling emotionally exhausted, I've got a quick episode today with a few tips just for you.

https://michelleanderson.substack.com/

Let’s be honest, not many people know what to do with our feelings of deep loneliness or constant anxiety when it comes to our relationships. And very well-intentioned people can give some really hurtful advice.

Find the full show notes and join in the conversation:

https://michelleanderson.substack.com

Being codependent can go hand in hand with loving someone suffering from addiction. Like two magnets attracted to one another, we connect with our partner by a force that feels greater than ourselves. Love has something to do with it, but also, there might be some relationship dynamics at play.

Find the full show notes and join in the conversation:

https://michelleanderson.substack.com

And addiction happens to really good people. I truly, truly believe that. I always said my ex-husband is one of the most talented human beings I've ever met. He had it all. He was brilliant, kind, funny, charming and good looking. I mean, the guy had it all. And I hear a lot. 

I meet a lot of people struggling with addiction, and they are some of the most talented human beings in the whole wide world. But I also believe that addiction can bring out the worst in the ones we love.

And I'm going to give you an example. When I talk with my ex-husband, I always try to be polite and respectful during our conversation.

Find the full episode and more free resources here: www.loveover.co/podcast/why-its-so-hard-to-love-someone-suffering-from-addiction

Join the Love Over Program here: https://www.loveover.co/love-over

When we love somone suffering from addiction, it can be hard to know if we should throw away their drugs, alcohol, or get rid of their pornography. 

We hear this from people in our community all the time. They'll find stashes in the bathroom, bedroom, garage, car, or office.

What should you do when you find it? 

We'll get into the details of how to handle each item, because their are legal differences between drugs vs. alcohol or porn. 

Find all the details here: https://www.loveover.co/podcast/should-we-throw-away-their-substances

When you love someone suffering from addiction, everything about your relationship is different. Arguemnts can be very challenging to navigate. Today we'll talk about 3 tips to navigate arguments with your partner. And three common mistakes we make (becuase we're human). Remember that you're not alone. There's a whole community of people that are in the same situation you are. 

Find all the episode details here: https://www.loveover.co/podcast/common-mistakes-in-an-argument

Get 12 Free Tips here: https://www.loveover.co/12-tips

Join the Love Over Program here: https://www.loveover.co/love-over

Today, let's dive into something deep—finding our way back to ourselves. You ever look in the mirror and wonder where that old you went? Yeah, it hits hard. Love, especially when it's entangled with addiction, can make us feel lost, lonely, and like we've lost our spark.

But here's the thing—I believe we can reclaim ourselves, even in the midst of this chaos. It's all about being honest with ourselves. I want to ask you: What do you really want for yourself in the coming year? And what are you willing to do differently to make it happen?

Let's break a common myth too: thinking that everything will magically go back to normal once our loved ones find sobriety. It's a whole new journey for everyone involved. That includes us. We've grown, we've learned, and maybe that's a good thing. Maybe we've developed strengths we never knew we had.

So, here's the deal. I want this space to be yours. Share your thoughts, your struggles, your victories in the Love Over Addiction community on Substack. Let's make it a safe, cozy corner where we can lift each other up.

When I was married to a good man who suffered from addiction, I made a list of things I could control vs. things that I needed to let go of because, after a decade of loving him, I was losing myself.

My wake-up call came when my friend from college was visiting for a weekend and tenderly said, “Michelle, I don’t even recognize you anymore.”

I was a shadow of the woman I once was. Addiction was stealing my husband’s life, and slowly, like a thief in the night, it was creeping into my mind, heart, and soul to grab any self-confidence, self-respect, or self-love I had left.

And if I wanted to save myself, I needed to fight addiction head-on.

For some of us, this winter season feels like rock bottom, and The Time Has Come! Are you feeling a true sense of urgency? Is there a voice within yourself that wants to be honored and respected?  Are you ready to change the things you can control? 

Perhaps you feel that if you don’t take control over your own life, the version of yourself that you actually love will continue to die a slow death and be replaced by a very sick person. 

If you need some loving reminders this winter season you can find more here:  

Love Over Addiction Newsletter: (MichelleAnderson.substack.com) You’ll receive an essay via email (this is the same content as the podcast, just in written form - if reading is your thing). It’s also a place where you can comment and gain insight from other women in our community. I will be hanging around the comments, too. Subscribe here. Please keep in mind your name will appear if you comment, so please make up a name or use your first name only if you would like to protect your privacy. 

Love Over Addiction Instagram: Not going to lie; my sabbatical from social media was lovely, but I think I’ve figured out some boundaries to help it feel slightly more healthy. Let’s give it a try:) Follow me here.

My Personal Instagram - Michelle Lisa Anderson: Building a community is still my goal, so I must be willing to share my life on social - even if it terrifies me. If you’re curious about my life, this is where you’ll find it. Follow here.

My Facebook Page - Michelle Lisa Anderson: For all you Facebook lovers (hi, Mom!), I see you. I will be posting on the Love Over Addiction page. Follow here

Love Over Addiction Facebook Page - I will be posting here, too.

Love Over Addiction YouTube: For now, I will post recordings of the Love Over Addiction podcast. In the future, I may get a little more creative. But first things first:) Follow here.

It’s a privilege and an honor to write and research for you. Thank you for trusting me. I am really excited about our future and what we will achieve together.

Michelle talks about how difficult the winter holidays can feel when loving someone struggling with addiction, the top five things people like us worry about (and it's not the turkey stuffing) and how we have two choices - quit or double down on the "holiday magic" - both are perfectly acceptable. Plus, some loving advice she would tell her younger self. 

If you are looking for community and want to connect in the comments - you can find Michelle and thousands of others on the Love Over Addiction blog here.

Love Over Addiction Podcast: A free weekly podcast without sponsors or commercials. Michelle will share experiences, opinions, and resources and maybe interview with some experts or people in our community. Listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Audible.

Love Over Addiction Newsletter: (MichelleAnderson.substack.com) receive an essay via email (this is the same content as the podcast, just in written form - if reading is your thing). It’s also a place where you can comment and gain insight from other women in our community.  Michelle will be hanging around the comments, too. Subscribe here. Please keep in mind your name will appear if you comment, so please make up a name or use your first name only if you would like to protect your privacy.

Love Over Addiction Instagram: Michelle says, "Not going to lie; my sabbatical from social media was lovely, but I think I’ve figured out some boundaries to help it feel slightly more healthy.  Let’s give it a try:)" Follow her here.

My Personal Instagram - Michelle Lisa Anderson: Building a community is the goal, "so I must be willing to share my life on social  - even if it terrifies me. If you’re curious about my life, this is where you’ll find it." Follow here

My Facebook Page - Michelle Lisa Anderson: For all you Facebook lovers (hi, Mom!) Follow here

Love Over Addiction Facebook Page - She will be posting here, too.

Love Over Addiction YouTube:  Recordings of the Love Over Addiction podcast. Follow here.

But if you entered this relationship with any trust issues from your past, it's important to make your healing a priority. And you're not going to be able to do that if you're looking to your partner to help you feel better.

So, how do you start to build back trust? Is it even possible? Tune in to this week's episode, where I share some tips (and examples) that you can start to apply to your life right now.

Find more here: 

https://loveoveraddiction.com/trust-yourself/ 

Join us here: https://loveoveraddiction.com

This classic episode previously aired in January 2021.

When your loved one who struggles with addiction has been in and out of rehab for 22 years, at what point do you say, 'enough is enough?' Because honestly, are they really EVER going to get healthy (especially when they can't be honest about their addiction)?

That's something a strong woman in our community shared recently and what her 'line in the sand' was for leaving her marriage.

Take some time to listen to this new podcast episode and how the work she's done on her healing (including unlearning 'learned' behavior) has also helped her kids regarding their dad's addiction.

Find more here: 

https://loveoveraddiction.com/five-rehabs/

Join us here: https://loveoveraddiction.com

When you think about the relationship with your partner who struggles with addiction, have there been times you've questioned yourself about why you've stayed so long? And if so, what keeps pulling you back in even though it's not a healthy situation?

This is something a brave woman in our community shared with me recently that many people will most likely be able to relate to.

Tune in for this new podcast interview to hear how trauma bonds kept this woman from leaving an unhealthy relationship (and whether or not she's still with her partner).

Find more here: 

https://loveoveraddiction.com/trauma-bond/

Join us here: https://loveoveraddiction.com

But as you'll hear in this new podcast interview, that's not necessarily always the case.

Tune in for this brave woman's story of how her Aboriginal roots and learned childhood behaviors impacted her life later on (particularly with relationships), as well as why someone who doesn't drink every day can still be an alcoholic.

Find more here: 

https://loveoveraddiction.com/alcoholic-drink-every-day/ 

Join us here: https://loveoveraddiction.com

Loving someone with addiction can sometimes make you feel like you're spinning out of control, can't it? One moment you're feeling joy and hope, only to have it turn to fear and anger pretty quickly. And listen, you’re not alone. We've been there and completely understand.

But the good news is that you can make it feel less and less like a roller coaster ride when dealing with your loved one.

Tune in to this week's episode to hear how to stop spiraling, as well as to make sure you're moving forward in your own recovery.

Find more here: 

https://loveoveraddiction.com/roller-coaster/ 

Join us here: https://loveoveraddiction.com

This classic episode originally aired in August 2020

That's something a strong woman in our community spoke about recently (and how she tried to compromise with her husband multiple times).

Tune in for this new podcast episode to hear how she finally decided to move forward and is protecting her children, as well as reconnecting with herself.

Find more here: 

https://loveoveraddiction.com/he-wont-stop-drinking/ 

Join us here: https://loveoveraddiction.com

If you've moved on from your relationship with someone who struggles with addiction (or have been thinking about it), have you wondered what 'life after leaving' looks like? Or what would dating again be like? That might seem a little scary, right?

I recently spoke with a woman in our community who was very brave and open about what this has been like for her.

Tune in for this new podcast episode to hear a great conversation about starting over, what dating again looks like, and how there actually ARE some blessings of addiction.

Find more here: 

https://loveoveraddiction.com/dating-after-leaving/

Join us here: https://loveoveraddiction.com