Minds and Mics

In this episode of Minds & Mics, I chat with Dr. Daniel Erichsen about better sleep for high-achievers.

In this episode of Minds & Mics, I chat with Liz Fosslien about her new book, Big Feelings: How to Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay. We cover topics like perfectionism vs healthy striving, the difference between envy and jealousy, burnout and the Amazon Zen Booth, revenge bedtime procrastination, and the role of personal responsibility in mental health.

Show Notes

• The dark side of “coping” with difficult feelings
• No Hard Feelings: The Secret Power of Embracing Emotions at Work
• Jealousy vs envy
• Benign vs malicious envy
• The role of personal responsibility in mental health
• The Amazon Zen Booth
• How organizations can actually help foster well-being and resilience
• The relationships between burnout and self-awareness
• Why setting boundaries is so hard (and how to make it a little easier)
• Revenge bedtime procrastination
• Emotional opportunity cost
• Perfectionism and self-kindness
• Healthy striving vs perfectionism
• The benefits of playfulness

Learn more about Liz and her work here:

• Big Feelings: How to Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay (book)
• LizandMollie.com (website)

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In this episode of Minds & Mics, I chat with Dr. Steve Hayes, the founder of Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT). We talk about everything from the importance of psychological flexibility and emotional tolerance to the future of psychotherapy and what to look for in a great therapist.

Show Notes

• Psychological flexibility
• Psychological rigidity
• Social anxiety and panic attacks
• Where does self-judgment and negative self-talk come from?
• The psychological function of religion and wisdom traditions
• Emotional tolerance
• 3rd wave behavior therapy, process-based therapy, and the future of psychotherapy
• What to look for in a good therapist 
• 2nd wave humanistic therapy

Learn more about Steve and his work here:

• The Liberated Mind (Book)
• Steven C Hayes (website)

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In the latest episode of Minds & Mics, I chatted with Michael Bungay Stanier about his new book How to Begin: Start Doing Something That Matters and a range of topics, including the obligation we all have to be "doubly ambitious," why SMART goals aren't usually very smart, the case for working in 6-week cycles, and the genius of cartoonist Gary Larson.

Show Notes

• What makes a book useful?
• The Coaching Habit
• Being “doubly ambitious” 
• How to think about overwhelm: realistic, consistent, grace 
• Working in 6-week cycles
• Why Michael hates SMART goals
• Should we follow our passion? 
• Relaxing into commitment
• Prizes and punishments of maintaining the status quo
• The Call of the Wild (Gary Larson)
• The value of the humble pros and cons list

Learn more about Michael and his work here:

• How to Begin: Start Doing Something That Matters (Book)
• Michael's Website

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Kai Koch is the co-founder of ahead, which is a software company and app for building emotional intelligence. We talk about the opportunities and challenges for technology in emotional health, self-awareness, emotional intelligence in organizations, and what the future of technology-assisted emotional health might look like.

Show Notes

• The unique benefits of mobile technology for emotional health
• Making self-awareness social
• Making personal growth social
• Emotional granularity
• Emotional intelligence in organizations
• The future of technology for emotional health

Learn more about Kai and his work here:

• Ahead App
• Self-Awareness Test

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Sleep psychologist Dr. Jade Wu returns to the show to talk specifically about sleep issues for new moms, including what’s normal and what should be addressed professionally, how sleep and postpartum depression interact, intrusive thoughts and anxiety, and some practical tips for new moms to get their sleep back on track.

Show Notes

• How sleep changes in pregnancy and postpartum
• Sleep deprivation vs circadian disruptions
• Types of sleep disturbances that predict postpartum depression
• Tips for minimizing sleep issues as a new parent
• How much to nap as a new mom
• What old-school pediatricians get wrong about sleep with new babies
• Parasomnias in pregnancy and postpartum
• Exploding head syndrome
• Sleep paralysis
• Postpartum anxiety
• REM rebound and nightmares
• Intrusive thoughts
• Sleep apnea and sleep-disordered breathing
• Poor sleep and postpartum depression 

Learn more about Jade and her work here:

• Website: JadeWuPHD.com
• Twitter: @jadewuphd

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Jade and I chat about uncommon sleep misconceptions, how to deal with nightmares, intergenerational sleep trauma, the problem with sleep hygiene, and the message about sleep Jade wants carved on her gravestone.

Show Notes

• Uncommon sleep myths and misconceptions
• My other chat about sleep myths with Dr. Daniel Erichsen
• Better Sleep with insomnia coach Martin Reed
• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia (CBT-I)
• Conditioned arousal
• Bed time vs rise time
• How much deep sleep do you actually need?
• What causes nightmares?
• The behavioral model of nightmares and imagery rehearsal therapy 
• Parasomnias
• Sleep and social justice
• Intergenerational sleep trauma
• The problem with sleep hygiene
• Tired vs sleepy
• The message about sleep Jade wants carved on her gravestone

Learn more about Jade and her work here:

• Website: JadeWuPHD.com
• Twitter: @jadewuphd

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In this episode of Minds & Mics, I talk with author Nir Eyal about the relationship between technology use and wellbeing among children, parenting in the age of social media, and the virtues of getting out of your kids’ way.

Show Notes

Here are some of the highlights from our conversation:

• Common misconceptions about kids and technology use
• Why screen time is a pointless metric
• What’s really behind increased rates of suicide and depression among kids?
• The mental health benefits of technology
• Root vs proximate cause of technology overuse
• Psychological nutrients
• Deci and Ryan’s self-determination theory
• The importance of free play
• The Gardener and the Carpenter by Alison Gropnik
• Variable reinforcement
• Play Anything by Ian Bogost
• Mindset by Carol Dweck
• Why consistent family meals are so important
• Implementation intentions and timeboxing

You can learn more about Nir and his work here:

• NirAndFar (Wesbite)
• Indistractable: How to Control Your attention and Choose Your Life (Book)

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In this episode of Minds & Mics, I talk with psychologist and author Pia Callesen about overthinking and the metacognitive approach to emotional struggles like anxiety and depression.

Show Notes

Here are some of the highlights from our conversation:

• What is overthinking, exactly?
• Types of overthinking
• The 2 reasons why we overthink
• The difference between anxious and depressive overthinking
• Overthinking as a universal mechanism for emotional suffering
• Scheduled overthinking
• Metacognitive Therapy vs traditional Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
• Metacognitive Therapy vs Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• The busy train station metaphor
• The windowpane experiment
• The problem with coping skills
• How will psychotherapy be different in 50 years?

You can learn more about Pia and her work here:

• Pia’s website
• Pia’s book: Live More Think Less: Overcoming Depression and Sadness with Metacognitive Therapy
• Pia’s article on overthinking in Psyche: How to Stop Overthinking

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In this episode of Minds & Mics, I talk with my friend Rosie Sherry about how she made the news for being a "reckless" parent, her distinctive approach to unschooling her kids, authenticity and vulnerability on social media, and what it means to practice self-care as a full-time community builder and mother of five.

Show Notes

Here are some of the highlights from our conversation:

• Unschooling
• The struggle to treat each child as they need
• How Rosie thinks about self-care
• Dealing with self-care guilt, especially as a mom
• Barriers to women and mom breaking into the world of IndieHacking
• How to encourage communities to be more vulnerable
• Surprising things Rosie as a creator struggles with
• Encouraging authenticity over cleverness on social media
• Rosie’s advice to follow visions and missions, not people

You can learn more about Rosie and her work here:

• Rosieland
• Rosie on Twitter

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In this episode of Minds & Mics, I talk with Jay Clouse, the creator and host of one of my favorite podcasts, Creative Elements. Jay and I get into the details of creative overwhelm and burnout and how Jay manages it.

Show Notes

Here are some of the highlights from our conversation:

• What does overwhelm actually look like for Jay?
• Hard works as a response to feeling overwhelmed
• Respect for deadlines as a core part of Jay’s identity
• Jay’s approach to “de-scoping” his schedule and task list to combat overwhelm
• Underestimating the maintenance cost of evergreen products
• The investment banker and the fisherman
• How does Jay think about work-life balance and what enough looks like?
• Why it’s so hard to say no and let go?
• Cultural pressure to keep doing more and never let go
• How Jay thinks about self-care and what it looks like when the “red light” is flashing.
• What it looks like to really show up emotionally for important people in his life.
• Has being a podcaster and community builder made Jay a better listener in his personal life?
• Jays biggest insecurity as a creator

You can learn more about Jay and his work here:

• JayClouse.com (website)
• Creative Elements (podcast)
• Podcast Like the Pros (course)
• Upside (podcast)

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Oliver Burkeman joins me to talk about the problem with the narrow concept of time management and how we mere mortals ought to think about managing our time instead.

Show Notes

• Time management for 4-year-olds
• The narrow vs broad meaning of time management
• The importance trap and the temptation to “clear the decks”
• Anti-skills, negative capability, and the superpower that is emotional tolerance
• The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can’t Stand Positive Thinking
• Elizabeth Gilbert’s Big Magic
• The relationship between expectations and control
• David Kane’s Raptitude
• Weirdly modern conceptions of time
• Meditation teacher Joseph Goldstein
• Are all expectations unhealthy?
• Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance
• The case for wasting time and atelic activities
• Oliver’s to-do list recommendations
• Cal Newport’s Deep Work
• James Hollis’ Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life
• Susan Jeffers' Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway and Embracing Uncertainty
• What’s wrong with the self-help genre?
• The wounded healer
• Jesse Singal and cranky self-help
• David Brook’s The Second Mountain
• Marilynne Robinson
• “Will this choice enlarge me or diminish me?”
• Douglas Harding’s On Having No Head
• Seneca’s On the Shortness of Life
• Mary Oliver: “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”

Learn more about Oliver and his work here:

• Oliver’s book: Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals
• Oliver’s website and (excellent) weekly newsletter: OliverBurkeman.com

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Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist as well as the host of the popular YouTube channel, Therapy in a Nutshell. In today's episode, Emma and I talk about emotional processing and the most important ideas and skills we can learn to manage painful feelings in a healthy and productive way.

Show Notes

• What is emotional processing?
• Why is emotional processing important?
• Wilderness therapy
• Why is it so hard to talk about our feelings?
• Primary vs secondary emotions
• Basic emotional processing skills
• Feeling emotions in our bodies
• Emotional check-ins
• Intellectualizing emotions
• Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• The importance of willingness
• Big Magic and the Fear Monster by Liz Gilbert
• Values-based decision-making
• The meaning of emotions
• Emotional confusion

Learn more about Emma and her work here:

• Therapy in a Nutshell (YouTube)
• Website

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Dr. Christian Jarrett joins me on the show to discuss the science of personality change and to what extent we can deliberately modify our own personality.

Show Notes

• What is personality, exactly?
• The Big 5 Theory of Personality 
• What makes a personality theory valid?
• How writing a book changed how Christian sees personality
• What are the mechanisms of significant personality shifts?
• Personality adaptability
• Neuroticism
• Are certain personality traits good or bad? Healthy or pathological?
• The most underrated principle for effective personality change
• Are we really the average of the five people we spend the most time around?
• The Michelangelo Effect
• Order effects in personality change: Inside out or outside in?

Learn more about Christian and his work here:

• PsychologyWriter.org.uk (Personal Website)
• Twitter
• Psyche Magazine

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In this episode of Minds & Mics, I talk with Martin Reed, a health coach who specializes in helping clients with insomnia and sleep issues. 

Show Notes

Here are some of the highlights from our conversation:

• Martin’s own struggles with insomnia and how they led him to become an insomnia educator and coach
• Coaching vs therapy for insomnia and sleep issues
• The dangers of insomnia “communities”
• Similarities in what causes insomnia
• What makes a case of insomnia “extreme”?
• Sleep trauma
• The one thing Martin wishes people would do for better sleep health
• Misguided cultural messages around sleep
• The future of sleep health
• Something Martin’s changed his mind about recently about sleep and insomnia
• How Martin deals with occasional bouts of poor sleep

You can learn more about Martin and his work here:

• InsomniaCoach.com (Website)
• Martin on YouTube
• Martin on Twitter

Get New Episodes First
Learn more about the Minds & Mics podcast here, including how to subscribe and get all my newest episodes as soon as they’re released.

In this episode of Minds and Mics, I talk with Melody Wilding, a leadership and executive coach who specializes in helping sensitive high-achievers who are tired of getting in their own way, including struggling with imposter syndrome.

Show Notes

Here are some of the highlights from our conversation:

• Sensitive strivers
• The big 5 personality traits
• Dr. Elaine Aron and the highly sensitive person
• Is “fake it ‘till you make it” good advice?
• Imposter syndrome
  • How can parents help their kids avoid developing imposter syndrome?
  • How can you get better and genuinely accepting praise and compliments?
  • How do I know if imposter syndrome is something I can work through on my own or if it’s something I should get professional help for?
  • How does company culture influence imposter syndrome?
  • How can we build resilience against imposter syndrome?
• Is it a good idea to follow your intuition and your trust your gut?
• Is it better to focus on changing your beliefs or your actions?
• Should we simply accept negative thoughts and painful feelings or try to examine them?

You can learn more about Melody and her work here:

• MelodyWilding.com (website)
• Trust Yourself (book)

Get New Episodes First
Learn more about the Minds & Mics podcast here, including how to subscribe and get all my newest episodes as soon as they’re released.

Science journalist Jesse Singal joins me on the show to talk about the dangers of fad psychology, including myths and misconceptions about positive psychology, the self-esteem movement, deceptive media coverage of popular behavioral science research, the replication crisis in academic psychology, and more.

Show Notes

Here are some of the highlights from our conversation:

• Jonathan Haidt and moral foundations theory
• Misleading statistics and external validity
• The problems with self-esteem and the self-esteem movement
• Self-efficacy vs Self-esteem
• Carol Dweck and growth mindset
• Effect size in research
• Martin Seligman Positive Psychology
• Preventative mental health
• Opportunity cost in mental health
• Structural factors impacting mental health
• Grit
• Comprehensive Soldier Fitness
• The replication crisis in psychology
• The file drawer effect
• Falsification
• 10% Happier by Dan Harris
• Positive Thinking for People Who had Positive Thinking by Oliver Burkeman

You can learn more about Jesse and his work here:

• The Quick Fix: Why Fad Psychology Can’t Cure Our Social Ills (Book)
• JesseSingal.substack.com (Newsletter)
• Blocked and Reported (Podcast)

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Designer and author Fred Dust joins me on the show to discuss how we can use principles from design to have better, more impactful conversations.

Show Notes

• The distinctiveness of podcast conversations
• Mission-driven vs exploration-driven conversations
• The 3 ways conversations get derailed
• The usefulness of constraints in conversation
• Adjusting the speed of conversations
• The benefits of rehearsing hard conversations
• Overcoming self-consciousness in conversation
• Wearing jeans in the White House
• Environmental design
• Behavioral experiments
• Active listening vs creative listening
• Illuminations
• Dealing with being triggered
• Self conversation

You can learn more about Fred and his book at his website: MakingConversation.com

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Nick chats with Herbert Lui about practical ways to exercise your creativity.

Show Notes

Here are some of the highlights from our conversation:

• Misconceptions about creativity
• The creative process
• Nature vs nurture in creativity
• Quality vs quantity in creativity
• How to get started being more creative?
• Creative blocks
• Fear of being judged
• Creativity and community
• Constructive vs destructive comparisons
• Why constraints are helpful for creativity
• Is quitting important for creativity?

You can learn more about Herbert and his work here:

• HerbertLui.net

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Caitlin Faas returns to the show to talk about life coaching—what it is, how it works, how it helps, and common misconceptions.

Show Notes

Here are some of the highlights from our conversation:

• How Caitlin went from tenured professor to life coach
• Objections to life coaching:
  1. Life coaching isn’t legit…
  2. If you think you need a life coach, what you really need is a therapist
  3. There’s nothing you can get from a life coach that you can’t get from a good friend
  4. Life coaches are just snake-oil salesman out to make a quick buck off of vulnerable people
  5. Life coaching is too “woo-woo” or new-agey
• How to find a life coach who’s a good fit for you
• How to know if you need a life coach or a therapist
• The dangers of using family and friends as your emotional support person
• Can you do coaching and therapy at the same time?
• How much does life coaching cost?
• How often will I meet with a life coach?
• What does a life coaching session look like?
• Where to find a life coach?
• Is there specific credentialing I should look for with a life coach?

You can learn more about Caitlin and her work here:

• DrCaitlinFaas.com

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Learn more about the Minds & Mics podcast here, including how to subscribe and get all my newest episodes as soon as they're released.