Poog with Kate Berlant and Jacqueline Novak

All dogs are puppies and all cats are kittens. You have to sit with dignity to meditate. The question of the retinol bump and when to judge the day. Who cares if years lie fallow? Kate calls a club a spade, and Jacqueline offers the idiot take of an outsider. Could they put on a magic show to save their lives? Maybe it’s time for Movie POOG… That’s Greg, for ya! 

Brands mentioned: Dieux Skin, Lyma, Celsius, The Ludlow Hotel, Pat McGrath, Armani

Edited and mixed by Allie Graham.

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One week you’re gorgeous…the next week? You’re hideous. Waking up to pee and Shark Tank raw to the dome. ADD 2.0 was heard in full on the road. Blinds shut, curtains closed, not even looking at the view. Jacqueline believed the hours — of course she did! Kate had a day of huge euphoria and has never been more dehydrated. $83 dresses and the detail of 6:30 at night are discussed. Theatre doesn’t pay, and Jacqueline shows off a bruise from escaping an escalator. The beautiful sign of death and dumping it all out onto the floor. A strange moment when Kate drives by Jacqueline’s house…but doesn’t go in. What have we lost to goofy graphics? Top to bottom, Kate had taken the note.

Discussed: Saie Beauty, Burrow, Hatch, PAIGE Denim and Free People Movement.

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The body just wants yesterday, again. A stranger's office. Kate became the awareness. Jacqueline remembers the crystal shops. To ask, will that ever be me again? Holding the jade egg. Sensing what aisle to turn down. Imagine knowing dawn & yearning for a pendant. You know what it's not? A fucking migraine. The new guy is not the son. Are we fighting wildly, violently, and against our own best interest?

Edited and mixed by Allie Graham.

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Hypersomnia, sleep studies. Vitamin Water. Felicity. Giving birth on your back and dying on your back. Squatty Potty, snail venom.

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The hags discuss flossing, taxes, and the confusion of natural deodorant.

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Look, folks. Kate’s in the midst of the final week of her sold out KATE run at the Pasadena Playhouse. Jacqueline’s doing rabid press for the Get on Your Knees premiere. So a remix is on offer. The theme is the road to GOYK, featuring Poog clips from the show’s touring days, the countdown to the taping aka the “wedding” and Jacqueline and Kate's reflections from the stage. Get pumped and then go watch Get on Your Knees on @netflixisajoke. Can Hag nation send the special to number 1?

Edited by Allie Graham.

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Is the first thought best? Escrow and group munchausen by proxy. It’s radical, punk and brave to go anywhere alone. Somatic anger at the baby. Maps of restaurants and performing noticing. Kate is not Mariah Carey. Jacqueline is not interested in learning what a pilot light is. The apple doesn’t fall far, does it? Never be afraid to approach. 

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I could go all night with you two. Six Feet Under. To see a twin without their twin… the vanity suddenly looked beautiful. Good girl syndrome and defending The Ritz like she built it. Don’t blow my brother! National Chair Day? Priceless.

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A case of diagonal interlopers. Ma’am, when you’re done on your phone, I’d like to get my coffee. Do not underestimate the stress of anything. AstraZeneca? Again, Kate was happy to pay… and a little tipsy off two margs. Jacqueline got a separate check and the pork belly skewers were not a main. First in line? We cannot accommodate you. Her bullshit is a dream.

Edited and mixed by Allie Graham.

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Moments from The Road to Christmas' stops in Philly and Vancouver: Is there a woman in the room? Woah, woah, WOAH! The Blair Witch Project and other found footage. First guest and first sneeze. Pilots are poets. One has to suffer. Put on lipstick during turbulence. Kate insists it was turndown. The choreography of survival.

Edited and mixed by Allie Graham.

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This week's episode is a re-airing of a Poog classic: The hags reflect on singing—its dangers, its thrills. The uncanny valley. Kate fears mold. Jacqueline soothes her, while struggling with restless legs. The act of playing games is touched upon. Interstellar must be watched—they set up next week's episode as being Poogsteller. Sleeping positions are discussed. Jacqueline seeks Boston recommendations. The horror of a houseguest is explored, specifically sharing a bed. 

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This week's episode is a re-airing of a Poog classic: Yesterday Kate soared on Matcha while Jacqueline threw her book. When will she learn things are real? A stool test is on the horizon. Tropes we cannot escape. Is matcha the answer again? We find out that “Jackie” takes the cup home. It was glucose the whole time. Kate wants a juicer. Jacqueline has a theory about Jewel and Little Women. Widowers and cryo-bins. Never speak to a woman about her art. Unsolved Mysteries.

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This week's episode is a re-airing of a Poog classic: It’s been a long time time coming and now…it’s the Interstellar episode. Watch before listening, please. Fathers and the apples of their eyes. Matthew McConaughey. Auditioning like a star. Hiatuses. The lonely masculine space experience. Jacqueline’s Dad makes an appearance. 

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Merch is live and the hags are on tour with the Road to Christmas. PoogLive.com for tix and gifts! Here’s a holiday medley of charming Christmas chatter from previous years. Everybody's waiting for the man with the bag. To be alone in New York for the holidays. Door prizes. Aesthetic sensibility. Regression. A party helper. Santa Mickey and narrative continuity. Practice receiving a gift. Gingerbread men and women. A bedazzled whistle left by an elf.

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Soaring Poog! Solid seamless is luxury. Honoring your interests above my own neurodivergence. The spoons were dropped. Those with reverence and glory for flavors. A Hillstone Memory. There’s been an overall lack of voucher gifting. Under the guillotine toward the manicure table. Getting into clocks. We’re firmly in the holiday system. Release the neck. The search for the best silicone shampoo sudsing scrubber. Let’s do a scrub off.

Begging for the Ceremonia scrubber, Our Place Wonder Oven (again) Hobonichi Techo 2024, Dr Diamond’s Metacine, FaceGym Purelift.

Praise for Caraway, SkinSequence, Fend, FiveWits, Briogeo

Edited & mixed by Allie Graham.

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Poog goes on tour next week! The Road to Christmas in Portland, Vancouver, Seattle, San Fran, LA, Philly, DC, NYC. You’ll want to bring a Santa’s sack to haul home your merch. It’s a girl’s trip of course. Hoping for jingle bells on the street. Trees in the lobby. The hotel gyms will be utilized. And still it’s okay to dread the tour. Angel Milk. A screenshot inventory. Kate gave away a key probiotic. A serious new skincare offering pushing the boundaries.

Begging for: Angela Caglia, Mate the Label
Discussed: Flowerhead Tea, Almond Cow, Thymes, Wear Ones At, Belle de Nuit, The Giving Moment, OneSkin, May Lindstrom, Violet Grey and the Tangle Teezer, Pendulum, Breville, Lyma…

Edited and mixed by Allie Graham.

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Merch is currently in production and tour approaches. Password recovery as elder abuse. To die by the hand of your child. When they went after Sagan. ADHD and unfinished threads. A thirty year old who just doesn’t have it. Jacqueline peels the sticker off the Lyma on air with Kate’s encouragement.  “Strangely satisfying” can go. An event mere hours after a hydra facial? Begging for foundation from Lady Gaga. The home soaked reusable cotton rounds have proven their worth. 

Brands mentioned: Celsius, Lyma, Beauty Shamans, Viome, Haus Labs, Soko Glam, HopTonic, HOP WTR, May Lindstrom, Aesop, OUAI, Soft Services, Ranavat, HigherDose, Avocado, Nectar, Casper, ThermaDerm, TempurPedic, Hastens, SleepNumber, Thuma, Cozy Earth, Leesa, Aromatech

Edited & mixed by Allie Graham.

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What it means to wake up on the wrong side of the bed. Jacqueline has profoundly lowered her caffeine intake and is taking it 2 days at a time. Is water BAD FOR YOU? Caulk and grout, never the two shall meet. Safety on the couch. Screaming to the Gods at the intensity of daily life. Belay on, on belay. A hat was lost to a river once. How many flames? Punching a shark in the nose. Sugar is sugar. Starting to get serious about vinegar before meals. Reservations might be a modern myth. Hiring an engineering executive to mount the tv.

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Jacqueline and Kate daydream about the upcoming Poog Tour (pooglive.com). ADHD 2.0. Wearing a sports bra as a top. We are born to mimic. The Liberace rule threatens the hags. Kate enjoys a romantic decaf cappuccino on the couch. Milk technology in the Bambino versus the Plus. Jacqueline has Kate's charger. The viral TikTok bark. JN’s sexual holiday cards gambit. An ADD approach, "Say it until you’ve done it."

Brands mentioned: Lyma, Aromatech, Rainbo, Camino, Wooden Spoons, LifeBoost, Elmhurst, Breville, Our Place, Ranch Rider Spirits, High Noon, Bai, Swoon, Celsius, Seed, SuperGut, iota Body, Belle de Nuit, Live the Process

Edited & mixed by Allie Graham.

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With tickets on sale at pooglive.com, brands scramble to outfit the hags for their tour. An all-orange halloween party. Discount animatronics in fresh costumes. Not another recipe about how spaghetti squash is pasta. Popsicle stick snowflakes, frozen vodka in a milk carton, paper bags luminescent lanterns. This is a house of artists: nothing is gated. Reusable bamboo rounds in a jar of essence. Googling with a hand behind the back. A tag is a flag. A text from Jar.

Mentioned: body serum and lotion from iota Body, the runsie from Free People, the underwear from ODDOBODY Mate the Label, LYMA Skincare, Pat McGrath, Retrouvé Luxury Skincare, Jolie Skin Co, LMNT, Aromatech, Tom Bihn and Away

Edited and mixed by Allie Graham.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.