The Codependummy Podcast

-What does codependency look like in teen boys?

-How can adolescence be a “hot bed” for codependency due to developmental, social, and cultural factors?

-What are the long-term consequences of unaddressed codependency in the lives of young men?

Welcome to Episode 145! This week, I am joined by Sipan Nazaryan, Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, to discuss codependency in teen boys. I for one do not think of teen boys when the word codependency is mentioned, however, Sipan is here to educate us on what codependency looks like in the lives of male teens with their friends, parents, mentors, and romantic interests. We explore Sipan’s approach when he notices codependent behavior in his teen boys and how he connects with them, especially those who are resistant to therapy. We take a look at codependency between parents and their teen sons and how it harms their ability to individuate. We conclude with hearing about the long-term consequences of unaddressed codependency in these young men. It’s a must-listen!

Links for the show:

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

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FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC

Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!

More on thise week’s guest:

Sipan Nazaryan, Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, graduated from Pepperdine the summer of 2023 with a masters in Clinical Psychology. He has worked under Kent Toussaint at Child & Teen Counseling for his traineeship. Sipan currently is working under Anita Avedian at Anger Management 818 / Avedian Counseling Center for his associateship. 

https://childteencounseling.org/ 

https://angermanagement818.com/ 

Contact: sipan@counseling-centers.com 

Connection Parenting Book Sipan references: https://www.amazon.com/Connection-Parenting-Through-Instead-Coercion/dp/1932279768 

More deets on the episode:

We begin with hearing Sipan’s definition of codependency: an addiction to a specific relationship; where one has difficulty distinguishing where they end and someone else begins. And how does that look in the population Sipan specializes in working with: teen boys? Codependent teen boys often see themselves through the eyes of another; they’re perspective is skewed through another’s lens; they take in another person’s perspective to an extreme; they find purpose in a relationship; they “have to” be with someone in particular; and they lose their friends due to an over-focus on another relationship. On social media, these types of relationships are often referred to as “my twin flame” or “soul mate.” 

So what does codependency look like in teen boys (since we don’t often expect them to be codependent)? Sipan shares how teen boys are susceptible to codependency since they are in a state attempting to individuate while also susceptible to the influence of their parents, friends, mentors, coaches, etc. This phase of life requires boundary setting and group embeddedness, however, if they struggle to set boundaries or become too embedded in their relationships, they can fall into the grasp of codependency. 

And how does Sipan approach working with teen boys, especially those who are resistant to therapy? Sipan acknowledges how this population is often difficult to work with for therapists. Through a series of steps, Sipan connects with his teen client’s parents, establishes the teen client’s autonomy in therapy, sets boundaries with the parents, and connects with his client through the self-object and timeline activities. 

Sipan reflects on how work with teen boys and their parents who were codependent on them. This looks like the parent projecting anxiety onto their son, being hyper-protective of them, and an overall discomfort with their son individuating. Sipan works with the parents by providing psychoeducation to help them connect with their son on a deeper level to avoid always providing instruction or correction to him while lessening their codependent grip. 

We end with hearing a message of warning and hope for young men: if their codependency is unaddressed, their relationships are left fragile and lacking stability. With help from therapy, teen boys are able to create strong, stable relationships and can cope with difficulty much better. 

Thanks for coming on Sipan! And thank you for listening, my dear listener!

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-How do couples interact when they are under the ‘spell of codependency?’

-Why is it that ‘high-functioning’ codependents act immature and childlike in romantic relationships?

-What can couples do to break their codependent patterns?

Welcome to Episode 144! This week, the amazing Connie Morlett Maddison, LMFT, joins us to talk about her experience treating codependency in couples. Connie shares about the couples she has worked with and how the ‘high-functioning’ codependent partner often behaves in an immature, childlike, and over-reliant manner when it comes to problem-solving, conflict, and compromise. We also discuss the dynamic between the ‘codependent partner’ and the ‘partner they are codependent on’ since it is a symbiotic relationship! It’s not all on the codependent! We conclude with ways Connie helps couples combat codependency through ‘uncoupling’ and improving their respective relationships with themselves. It’s a must-listen!

Links for the show:

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC

Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!

More on thise week’s guest:

Connie Morlett Maddison, LMFT,  is a licensed psychotherapist in private practice in Claremont, California. She is also an adjunct professor teaching clinical psychology with an emphasis in Multicultural and Latino Community mental health. Connie proudly identifies as Chicana, born in East Los Angeles, and raised by her maternal grandparents in Queretaro, Mexico.

www.morlettcounseling.com 

More deets on the episode:

We begin with Connie’s definition of codependency: when one surrenders their own identity for the benefits of love, security, safety, belonging, and survival. She emphasizes how being dependent is nothing to villainize and how, from a sociological lens, it is a good thing. However, when relationships become conditional like codependency often does, it is unhealthy. 

Connie recollects her own codependent relationship with her younger sister. Due to their circumstance, they relied heavily on one another and this lead to each of them wanting the other’s approval, love, validation, and so on. Connie highlighted how, if and when she did not get the approval or communication from her sister that she needed, it felt like abandonment. Such a great description of our codependent experience!

We shift gears to Connie’s expertise: working with couples in therapy. She shares her observations of the codependent parter’s behavior, including how we often seize our partners, give up our autonomy/self-trust/wisdom/intuition, become child-like and immature during conflict, and rely on our partner as a “mighty source.” This looks like bickering, fighting, passive-aggressiveness, and name-calling on the day-to-day. 

And what about the partner of the codependent? We often focus on our behavior but it’s a symbiotic relationship! What about the partner in this dynamic? Connie states how the relationships are symbiotic “and they can become parasitic.” The other partner has been codependent too! Their behavior includes staying in the relationship and fulfilling needs despite how draining it is. 

To address these challenges, Connie has couples ask themselves: how do you get your needs met for yourself first? They must have a willingness and motivation to have a relationship with themselves first THEN address the needs in the relationship. What needs are most important to you? Attention, acceptance, affection, appreciation, or allowance. 

We conclude with Connie’s experience of witnessing couples do the work of “uncoupling” and creating a relationship with themselves: they feel relieved, responsible for their own needs, and become sexy to one another as mature partners! 

Thanks for coming on Connie! And thank you for listening, my dear listener!

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-The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge

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See you next week!

-How can you shift your mindset from being “chosen” to choosing in the dating world?

-What do codependents look like when dating and are trying to be “chosen?”

-How can you recognize your own worth whether or not you’re in a relationship?

Welcome to Episode 143! In this episode, we are graced with the presence of Dontea’ Mitchell-Hunter who is here to help us change our codependent mindset when it comes to dating. Dontea’ details what codependents tend to look like when we’re dating and highlights a common mindset: contorting ourselves to be “chosen” by a partner. We explore how to change this mindset from being “chosen” to doing the choosing! Dontea’ provides specific steps we can take to nurture our self-worth and stop defining it through a relationship. It’s a must-listen!

Links for the show:

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC

Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!

More on this week’s guest:

Dontea’ Mitchell-Hunter is a self-worth coach, therapist, and speaker that helps women get out of unfulfilling relationships and recreate self-love & happiness - single or partnered. Dontea’ is also the host of the Situationsh!t Podcast, where she fearlessly tackles those common mental health hang ups that we've all experienced, from feeling like you’re too much to not enough at all. She wants women to know their worth doesn’t come from being in a relationship nor what others think of them.

www.soireesintherapy.com 

www.dontea.co 

Free situationship quiz: www.dontea.co/quiz 

https://www.instagram.com/soireesintherapy 

https://www.tiktok.com/@soireesintherapy 

More deets on the episode:

We begin with hearing Dontea’s definition of codependency: when in relation with another, seeing them as a life source. “I need them or else my life will not be as vibrant, hopeful, exciting. I will be nothing and have nothing without you.” 

Dontea’ opens up about codependency in her own life, including a former friendship during college where “we did everything together.” Dontea’ recalls how it ended in a big blow up where she was left feeling hurt and with very few connections since she had focused on that friendship so much. We discuss the “codependent fork” she came to and how we all are often presented with these choices: stay with the familiar versus make a change. Oh, how easy it is for us to choose sticking with the familiar, right?

We shift focus to Dontea’s work with those in the dating world. She lists common codependent behaviors when dating: pressure, especially for women, to “get it right;” avoid scaring a date off, avoid a date judging you, attempting to be “chosen,” get a 2nd date, contort oneself. I recall how I cried when I first met my now-husband since I was so terrified that I could ruin it or scare him off. 

Dontea’ details how we can change our mindset to that of being “chosen” to doing the choosing ourselves. Spoiler alert: it’s a process! She emphasizes how we need to: 1) take time to ask yourself and get to know what you want, what you need, and how you want to show up; 2) challenge your old mindset by affirming “I deserve this;” 3) Practice choosing by continually asking yourself if you like the person your dating, whether you want to communicate with them, etc.; and 4) seek support from a circle who have the same mindset. 

Dontea’ offers ways we can recognize our codependency in dating and make changes to nurture our self-worth. She advises to be curious and reflect if you find yourself ruminating, thinking “now my life can start” thanks to being with someone, and think you need to be needed. In regards to self-worth, Dontea’ suggests spending time with oneself, creating your own definition of self-worth, and aligning your life with that definition. 

Thanks for coming on Dontea’! And thank you for listening, my dear listener!

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-The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge

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-If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email marissa@codependumy.com to work with me!

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See you next week!

-What does codependency look like in families navigating addiction?

-Why is it that setting boundaries is so emphasized in these families?

-How do you set boundaries with loved ones struggling with addiction? And does it lead to living happily ever after?

Welcome to Episode 142!  In this episode, Nick Bognar returns to discuss codependency in families navigating addiction. We all know that codependents tend to take on their caretaking roles with dependents (those struggling with addiction or alcoholism) but what does that really look like? Nick describes the common traits of codependents in families navigating addiction and why setting boundaries is so important in these situations. Nick gets specific on what it looks like to set boundaries, both with addicts and other family members, and how to overcome the pain that often comes with boundaries. We conclude with a message from hope about the long-term positive changes boundaries provide. It’s a must-listen!

Links for the show:

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC

Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!

More on this week’s guest: 

Nick Bognar is a therapist in Pasadena, CA who specializes in men's issues and codependence. Nick's favorite thing in the world is helping clients learn how to set boundaries. In his spare time, Nick acts in various film projects under the stage name "Ryan Gosling".

www.nickbognartherapy.com 

Resource for therapists: https://go.actionpracticebuilding.com

https://www.instagram.com/nickbognarmft/ 

Nick’s first episode on The Codependummy Podcast: https://codependummy.com/codependency-as-a-super-power-say-what/ 

More deets on the episode: 

We begin by hearing Nicks’ expansion on his initial definition of codependency: taking care of people until it kills you…which is made of a set of behaviors, set of beliefs where there’s a non-reciprocity with people or the world. These behaviors, beliefs, and the lack of reciprocity tend to cause a lot of misery, suffering, and lead people into therapy. 

Nick opens up about codependency in his life, including when he worked as a waiter. He recalls how he was good at it thanks to being adept at anticipating people’s needs. He’d extend himself to his customers and often end up feeling betrayed, miserable, and disappointed since he took care of their needs and they did not take care of his. 

We shift focus to codependency in families navigating addiction. Nick details codependent behaviors in these families, including secret-keeping, an over-focus on a “problem child” while ignoring the addiction, caretaking, and preserving the notion of peace. 

Nick spells out why setting boundaries is so often emphasized in these families: 1) there is an overstepping of boundaries in said families; and 2) lack of boundaries lead to neglect of self-care. The boundary-less-ness leads a codependent to take on a role of being caring, anticipating needs, allowing abuse, and suffering quietly. 

We explore what boundaries look like in these families which fall on a spectrum: on one end, boundaries with an addict can involve a complete cut-off from communication; on the other end, it can be refusing to be around them when they drink/use. Nick highlights how boundaries often are confused as a way to say “no,” however, it’s truly a way to say “yes” to maintaining relationships. 

While boundaries are painful, Nick stresses how no amount of help on your part will save a loved one. He recalls helping former clients with setting boundaries and shares a message hope for the positive impact they can have. So go out there and set those boundaries! 

Thanks for coming on Nick! And thank you for listening, my dear listener!

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See you next week!

-What is dynamic therapy and how can it treat codependency?

-How can dynamic therapy help us develop awareness of our internal world?

-What are the initial steps you can take to get clear on what your thinking, feeling, and needing?

Welcome to Episode 141! This week, I had the pleasure of interviewing Dr. Ann Krajewski about her specialty: dynamic therapy. In the episode, you’ll hear Dr. Ann define dynamic therapy and how it can help treat codependency. Dr. Ann describes how codependency is perceived through a dynamic lens and it’s emphasis on helping codependents understand their internal world. We explore defense mechanisms, a key concept in dynamic therapy, as well as the most common defense mechanisms amongst codependents. We conclude with Dr. Ann sharing the initial steps she takes with her clients to heal their relationships with others and themselves. It’s a must-listen!

Links for the show:

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC

Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!

More on this week’s guest: 

Dr. Ann Krajewski is a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice in Virginia. She works with adults who struggle with anxiety, perfectionism, low self-esteem, and codependency. She assists her clients in healing their relationship with others and themselves so they can live a more full and satisfying life.

www.dynamichealingpsychotherapy.com 

More deets on the episode:

We begin with hearing Dr. Ann’s definition of codependency. She emphasizes how codependency often develops in individuals who “had something happen to them.” This contributes to an underdevelopment in their sense of self that results in them being attuned to the wants/needs of others while being disconnected from themselves. Ann provides examples, including having a narcissistic parent, experiencing trauma, being the victim of abuse, or chronic neglect. 

Dr. Ann opens up about codepedency in her own life, personal and professional. As a practitioner, she was codependent on the input and advice from others. Personally, she was convinced her life was “over” after a long-term relationship ended. The latter experience revealed to Dr. Ann that she had unhealed parts of herself to work on (love that term ‘unhealed parts,’ right?).

We shift to Dr. Ann’s specialty: dynamic therapy. She shares how the dynamic approach to therapy is based in psychodynamic and psychoanalytic theory. The emphasis in dynamic therapy is to help a client understand their internal world–how it was formed, how it is sustained, and the patterns that maintain it. She highlights the focus on helping clients put words to their experience in order to develop insights to change their patterns. 

Dr. Ann details how codependency is seen through a dynamic therapy lens. In the relational sense, codependency develops when needs or feelings are denied/dismissed which results in an underdevelopment in their sense of self. Through the internal aspect, there is a focus on the defense mechanisms that are used (unconsciously) to manage thoughts and feelings. The emphasis is to get to the origin of our defense mechanisms. 

We discuss common defense mechanisms of codependents, including projection, reaction formation, and turning against the self to avoid feelings like anger, grief, and sadness. 

Dr. Ann offers the initial steps she takes with her clients to help them heal their relationships with others and themselves. She aims to help her clients develop an understanding of what is happening/their reality, helps them articulate what they are thinking/feeling/experiencing, focus on talking about themselves and their reality, and gives them agency as it is deeply uncomfortable to think for themselves. 

Thanks for coming on Dr. Ann!! And thank you for listening, my dear listener!

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-The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge

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See you next week!

-What does codependency look like with coaches, mentors, and gurus?

-What can go wrong when you rely too much on a coach?

-How can you focus on your inner work to ultimately decide what is best for you? (rather than continuing to rely on the advice of others)

Welcome to Episode 140! This week, Dr. Rima Bonario is back for her third interview! During our time together, we took an in-depth look at what codependency can look like with coaches, mentors, gurus (really any authority figure). As a coach, Rima sheds light on what codependency can look like as a participant/mentee/student: leaving your brain at the door. She describes the good and bad of being codependent with a coach, the long-term consequences, and what codependents can be mindful of to avoid an over-reliance on mentors. We conclude with Rima’s advice on how to focus on our inner work to avoid so much outer dependence on others. It’s a must-listen. 

Links for the show:

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC

Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!

More on this week’s guest: 

Dr. Rima Bonario is a Dream Weaver, Soul-Coach and Wild-Heart Healer who draws from the culmination of 30 years of her own evolution to help women experience personal wholeness, relationship harmony, and material abundance in their lives. 

Medicine, Magic, and Money 5-module course for FREE: https://www.thesevenqueendoms.net/money

www.rimabonario.com 

www.facebook.com/rimabonario 

More deets on the episode: 

Rima is back for the 3rd time ya’ll! What a gift! We start off with hearing what codependency looks with coaches/mentors/gurus (and other authority figures!). Rima describes how, as a participant, codependency can look like: finding someone you resonate with and concluding “this person has all the answers.” She describes how codependents will “leave our brain at the door” and potentially make decisions that our coach wants, however, are out of alignment with our ultimate goals. 

We hear how Rima has observed codependency in herself as well as her coaching clients. She describes how, culturally, we love the “expert” archetype. However, if we are not careful, we neglect to think critically about their advice/input/teaching and do things that don’t work for us. Rima emphasizes how we must balance our lineage and gnosis. 

Rima highlights how codependents are vulnerable to vertical and horizontal worship in coaching settings: we worship our coach while attempting to please our peers. “This soothes us but it is a trap.” Ultimately, blind codependency with a coach/mentor/guru can lead us to spend money excessively on their programs, feeling more confused about our direction, relying on outer guidance excessively, and poor self-esteem. 

How can we avoid codependency with coaches/mentors/gurus? Rima suggests “taking your ‘no’ with you,” taking time for inner wisdom/guidance, practicing self-forgiveness and self-compassion, knowing your goals, and inhabiting ease. 

Rima spells out initial steps to cultivating our inner work, including a focus on being over doing, affirmations, attributing our success to ourselves, using mistakes as teaching moments, co-creating with others (like coaches), and working through a place of ease. 

Thanks for coming on Rima! And thank you for listening, my dear listener!

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-The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge

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-If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email marissa@codependumy.com to work with me!

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See you next week!

-What does it mean to “people-please?”

-Why do many women, in particular, engage in people-pleasing behaviors?

-What are the initial steps you can take to STOP people-pleasing?

Welcome to Episode 139! This week, we are graced with the presence of Alyse Freda-Colon for her second interview all about: PEOPLE-PLEASING. In the episode, you’ll hear Alyse define what “people-pleasing” means (since we all self-identify as such but do we really know what it means?). We then look into why women in particular are vulnerable to people-pleasing, what it looks like in our day-to-day life, and what the short- and long-term consequences are (believe me, it ain’t pretty!). Alyse shares how she helps her clients, especially those in her group Are You Mad At Me?, to stop people-pleasing and embrace that some people may not like us. It’s a must-listen!

Links for the show:

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC

Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!

More on this week’s guest: 

Alyse Freda-Colon is a therapist in private practice in New York and has recently launched 2 small group coaching programs-Stop Dating Assholes! and Are you Mad at Me?, the latter is for women who are overthinking people pleasers who are tired of bending themselves into a pretzel to make everyone around them happy, often at their own expense.

Coachingwithalyse.com

https://www.instagram.com/coachingwithalyse/ 

Join Alyse’s group: https://www.coachingwithalyse.com/are-you-mad-at-me 

More deets on the episode: 

We begin by hearing Alyse expand on her definition of codependency: “When you’re emotional okay-ness is dependent on someone else.” She adds how codependents cannot compartmentalize or separate themselves from others. 

We shift focus to what it specifically means to people-please. Alyse describes how it can be seen as a negative description and, in contrast, as a “badge of honor.” This involves self-sacrifice, putting your needs at the bottom of the list, giving without replenishment, doing whatever you can regardless of how it impacts you, and controlling the narrative. 

Alyse shares with us what people-pleasing looks like day-to-day: with spouses, children, and friends. This manifests through behaviors like: not saying “no,” having a fear of disappointing others, giving excessively, neglecting to asks for needs, and staying quiet to keep the peace. 

And why are women vulnerable to people-pleasing? Alyse spells out how, due to cultural conditioning, women are concerned with how we are perceived by others. This is a consequence of our modeling of caretaking behavior, reinforcement from others, negative judgment from others, etc. 

We discuss the short- and long-term consequences of people-pleasing. For the short-term, we end up not getting self-care, feeling unfulfilled, lack time to care for ourselves, and miss out on self-decadence/self-indulgence (the good kind!). For the long-term, the consequences include becoming resentful, martyrdom, identity crises, and not being a person onto oneself. 

What’s a codependent to do to stop people-pleasing? Schedule time for yourself, work through your fears of others being mad at you, use interactions as an opportunity to feel disliked, sit with the feelings, and get comfortable with the fact that not all people will like you. 

Thanks for coming on Alyse! And thank you for listening, my dear listener!

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-Why do overachieving codependents find it so hard to practice self-care?

-How can cooking help one combat their codependency and nourish themselves?

-What are the initial steps we can take to focus our attention on self-nourishment?

Welcome to Episode 138! This week, I sat down with Kristin Tand, counselor and cooking coach, to explore the magical world of cooking and how it fosters self-nourishment. Kristin describes how overachieving codependents often over-function in their professional lives which leads to them neglecting self-care in their personal ones. We investigate the long-term impact of self-neglect and how cooking can help us bring us back to our bodies. Kristin details the benefits of cooking and how she helps her clients take the initial steps to set time aside to prepare, cook, and serve themselves. It’s a must-listen!

Links for the show:

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC

Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!

More on this week’s guest: 

Kristin Tand is a mental health counselor who also loves to cook. She is passionate about helping overwhelmed adults slow down the hustle for perfection and start nourishing themselves in the kitchen. Kristin teaches tips and tricks to get out of your head and into your body, using cooking as a vehicle for living a richer life--while also taking the intimidation factor out of how to cook.

www.inthekitchenwithkristin.com 

https://www.youtube.com/@inthekitchenwithkristin 

Sign-up for Kristin’s reflection bundle on her website: www.inthekitchenwithkristin.com 

More deets on the episode: 

We begin with hearing Kristin’s definition of codependency: an adaptive strategy (often in childhood) used to get your needs met that then becomes unadaptive (often in adulthood). Kristin shares her child development perspective and how codependency often stems from intelligent and strategic behaviors to get one’s needs met. 

Kristin opens up about codependency from her own life, from early dating experiences with her husband to promotions at work thanks to her overachieving tendencies. Her codependency led to her developing fatigue, chronic pain, and eventually quitting her former position to start her own business. 

We shift focus to codependency, self-care, and self-nourishment. Kristin highlights the common consequences of self-neglect, including fatigue, chronic pain, burnout, shame and imposter syndrome, never feeling satisfied, anxiety, and fear. If one is codependent in their professional life, they may even develop an unhealthy reliance on their partners to take care of household tasks. 

And how might cooking combat the self-neglect inherent in codependency? Kristin emphasizes how eating is nourishment and how it is a process of slowing down, taking time to make what you want, tap into your 5 senses, get back in your body, and re-parent yourself. Wow! 

And how does one begin to self-nourish through cooking? Kristin describes her two initial steps: 1) awareness and understanding; and 2) taking small steps. Kristin lists the common objections she hears from her clients when it comes to cooking (failure, shame, limited time, etc.) and how she engages in reflective questioning to help them identify the barriers and make changes in order to start small–like cooking one meal a month. She also notes how she combats codependency from her clients to her by helping them identify their motives: are they looking for a gold star or nourishing themselves. 

Thanks for coming on Kristin! And thank you for listening, my dear listener!

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See you next week!

-What is Autism and how does it relate to codependency?

-How is “high masking,” a common trait in high-functioning autism, similar and different to codependency?

-How can individuals with autism let go of their codependent behaviors?

Welcome to Episode 137! This week, we welcome back Gina Metcalf, LCSW, to hear about her recent observations of ASD and codependency. You’ll hear about ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) and how, due to their neurodivergency, many with autism engage in “high masking” behaviors to please and perform for others. Gina details how autism and codependency relate and differ. You’ll hear how individuals can distinguish whether they have ASD and how they can then address their codependent behaviors they have developed as a consequence. We end with Gina’s take on how we can also be codependent with loved one’s who have autism and what we can do to address it. It’s a must-listen!

Links for the show:

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC

Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!

More on this week’s guest: 

Gina Metcalf is a Licensed Therapist and Founder of North Star Therapy, a therapy practice specializing in supporting female-identifying clients around issues of anxiety, depression, trauma, and codependency. This is her second time on the show. Be sure to tune into her first episode that aired in March of 2022 titled “That’s The Dream.”

Gina’s initial interview on the podcast: https://codependummy.com/thats-the-dream-to-be-accepted-and-authentic-with-gina-metcalf-lcsw/ 

www.northstartherapyinc.com 

https://www.instagram.com/north.star.therapy/ 

Resources mentioned by Gina: 

https://embrace-autism.com/ 

https://www.amazon.com/Unmasking-Autism-Discovering-Faces-Neurodiversity/dp/0593235231 

https://www.instagram.com/neurowild_/ 

More deets on the episode: 

We begin by revisiting Gina’s definition of codependency: a lack of trust in ourselves and others. Gina describes how codependents often self-abandon, find it difficult to express or know their needs, and fear sharing their truth. Gina encourages her clients to ask themselves: if you could wake up and be honest in your relationships, what would you say? Good prompt to reflect on!

Gina opens up about codependency in her own life and how she has been the “emotional taker” in her relationship with her husband. She points out the “secondary gains” of her role and the “shadow side” consequences of her role. Again, healthy to reflect on your own secondary gains and shadow side of your codependency. 

We then shift gears to ASD: Autism Spectrum Disorder. Gina educates us on how autism is a neurodevelopmental difference in social functioning and hypersensitivity. She describes “high masking” which is a common trait amongst high-functioning autism where one uses strategies to hide autistic behaviors. 

Gina reflects on her experiences with clients and how autism often is missed due to ableism embedded in the therapeutic process. In therapy and many areas in their life, those with autism can engage in performing and impression-making behaviors in order to “fit in,” however, this results in them feeling lonely and disconnected. 

Gina distinguishes autism from codependency since it involves: 1) sensory sensitivity; 2) stemming; 3) special interests; and 4) structured routine. If Gina suspects that a client coming in for codependency is also navigating undiagnosed autism, she has learned to seek neurodivergent education, resources, online assessments, and other content and then present her observations to them. We discuss how loved one’s and family members can do the same if they suspect autism in others. 

As a consequence, Gina is then able to help her clients let go of their codependent patterns through awareness, identifying safe relationships to let patterns go, joining strong communities, and practicing self-empathy. 

Thanks for coming on Gina! And thank you for listening, my dear listener!

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See you next week!

-What is “work-life balance” and why is it so foreign to codependents?

-What does imbalance tend to look like in codependents in work and life?

-How can we begin to cultivate balance in our lives?

Welcome to Episode 136! This week, I sat down with Naketa Ren Thigpen, Balance and Relationship Advisor, to talk all about work-life balance. We take an in-depth look into what it looks like to have imbalance in your life and the long-term consequences of an imbalanced life. Naketa shares her balance formula and how she helps individuals and couples focus on a) the truth of what they want and b) boundaries to make that truth happen. We explore how codependents can tune out the noise to get in touch with what they want and set boundaries aligned with their needs. We conclude with hearing about Naketa’s own work-life balance and how she combats being codependent with her own clients. It’s a must-listen!

Links for the show:

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC

Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!

More on this week’s guest: 

Naketa Ren Thigpen is the #1 Balance (and) Relationship Advisor in the World, activating power couples and potent humans who privately identify with witty tongue-in-cheek humor as lazy overachievers. The intersection of work life balance, sustainable business, mental health, and fulfilling relationships is where Naketa thrives at work and in real life. She’s marking her legacy of unbound brilliance, beauty, and balance with unapologetic insights on owning the right to be intentionally selfish by leveraging micro sabbaticals that empower you to work less and trust more.

https://www.thigpro.com 

http://www.linkedin.com/in/naketathigpen 

http://www.instagram.com/asknaketa 

More deets on the episode: 

We begin with hearing Naketa’s definition of codependency: prioritizing someone over yourself. She distinguishes how codependency varies from the unhealthiest to the healthiest version (i.e., giving priority to a child in the moment). 

Naketa opens up about codependency in her own life with her mother. She recalls how she was codependent with the “potential and possibility” of her mother who struggled with mental illness, substance use, and unhealthy patterns like parentifying Naketa when she was a teen. Naketa describes how this codependent dynamic that she had with her mother repeated in her friendships, professional life, and in her marriage. 

We shift focus to Naketa’s specialty: BALANCE. What does work-life imbalance tend to look like in codependents? Naketa describes how balance is comprised of work, life, and love. When there is imbalance, an individual is not choosing themself–even for a small amount of time. With imbalance, one experiences their energy being sucked by others, saying “yes” when you want to say “no,” and fulfilling the needs of others while neglecting your own. 

Naketa educates us on her balance formula: T / B. T = the Truth of what you want. B = Boundaries expansive enough to hold space for what you want. 

But what if codependents struggle to identify their Truth? Or once they have it, they hesitate to create those Boundaries? Naketa details exercises she does with her clients to help them find out what they want related to their “heir” and what they are passing on. She also describes an exercise where she asks: Who is in your kitchen? Through the use of metaphor, Naketa helps her clients decide who they are most intimate with in their “kitchen” and “at their table” compared to those “out in the parking lot.” 

We conclude by hearing about how Naketa continues to combat codependency with her clients and how she deliberately sets limits to model healthy boundaries for them. Through walking the talk, Naketa empowers her clients to create the same types of boundaries and promote work-life balance. 

Thanks for coming on Naketa! And thank you for listening, my dear listener!

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See you next week!

-What does codependency look like in veterans?

-Why does a poor transition from military service to returning home often contribute to codependency in veterans?

-How can veterans begin to combat their codependency?

Welcome to Episode 135! This week, I had the pleasure of sitting down with Daniel Hermosillo, LMFT, and U.S. Army Veteran. Daniel and I discuss what codependency looks like in veterans upon their return from military service. As we heard in last week’s episode, many codependent traits and characteristics are beneficial in the military but are harmful upon the return home. Daniel opens up about his own codependency and how he helps his veteran clients let go of their codependent behaviors. While the situation with many veterans may seem dire, Daniel leaves us with a message of hope. It’s a must-listen!

Links for the show:

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC

Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!

More on this week’s guest: 

Daniel Hermosillo,  LMFT and U.S. Army veteran, provides mental health therapy to teenage boys, men and veterans. Daniel assists the people he works with by assisting them comfront traumas, anxiety, depressions, and relational stressors. Daniel is CBT certified (Cognitive Behavior Therapy), MBSR trained (Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction), and TRM trained (Trauma Resilience Model).

Phone: (818)744-9551

www.hermosillotherapy.com 

Veteran Peer Access Network: https://voala.org/vpan/ 

More deets on the episode:

We begin with hearing Daniel’s definition of codependency: an over-reliance to someone, an object, or an idea. This is related to relational impairments, psychological pain, and behaviors that previously were functional but are now dysfunctional. 

Daniel opens up about codependency in his own life and how he relied excessively on his ex-girlfriend upon his return from the military. He describes how he constantly needed her feedback as a consequence to receiving so much feedback during his service. His independent thinking was “quelched” and he needed constant feedback, validation, and lacked a sense of self. 

We then expand our focus to codependency in veterans. Daniel details how veterans will over-rely on partners/family members, seek constant feedback, over-commit to others, hold on to their military identity, have poor boundaries, people-please, self-sacrifice, etc. As a consequence, Daniel has observed their development of cognitive dissonance: “I want it (i.e., validation), but I don’t want it.” This has the potential to lead to coping behaviors through substances, video games, etc. 

In extreme cases, Daniel highlights how codependency can be detrimental and contribute to homelessness, substance abuse, divorce, and joblessness. He emphasizes how veterans dysfunction previously served a purpose. For example, they’re ability to “just take it” before in active duty now leaves them vulnerable to working too much in toxic environments. 

What’s a veteran who is really struggling to do? Daniel suggests the need for a good transition home, grieving their military experience and attaching to other things, creating boundaries, and helping them get past their stuck point. In his one-on-one work, Daniel focuses on creating safety, forming a healthy relationship, helping them self-regulate and self-explore, take on “task challenges”, and utilizing their strength. 

We end on a message of hope as Daniel shares how rich the work is with veterans: they’re open-minded, well-traveled, have cultural exposure, good ideas/attitude, and empathy. 

Thanks for coming on Daniel! And thank you for listening, my dear listener!

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-What does codependency look like in active duty military members?

-How are codependent traits and patterns beneficial in the military?

-What are the consequences of unaddressed codependency in the military? And how can we begin to address them?

Welcome to Episode 134! This week, I sat down with Austin Koestner, Associate Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and Retired Air Force Veteran with 17 years of service. Austin and I take a deep-dive into what codependency looks like in active duty and how many codependent traits/characteristic are beneficial while serving our country. We discuss self-sacrifice, people-pleasing, passive communication, etc. and how they truly have a function in military life. But how can codependency harm mission, morale, and the mental health of military members? We investigate these questions and conclude with initial steps Austin recommends to his active military clients to break codependent patterns. It’s a must-listen!

Links for the show:

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

Support the show!!! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC

Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!

More on this week’s guest: 

Austin Koestner, Associate MFT and Air Force Veteran, practices in Monrovia CA. He is working towards his AASECT licensure (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists) and focuses on serving the LGBTQ population, artists and those who struggle to find meaning, own their identity, and fly their unique flag high without apology. 

https://openpathcollective.org/clinicians/austin-koestner/ 

https://www.facebook.com/aoktherapyla/ 

aoktherapyla@gmail.com 

Deets on the episode:

We begin with hearing Austin’s definition of codependency: an excessive reliance on others. He describes how codependents often lack their own self worth, have an inability to validate themselves, often meet the needs of others above their own, and are ever ready to please others. 

Austin opens up about codependency in his own life related to his time in the military and how he sought his father’s approval after every medal, ribbon, and award he received. He felt like the baby bird in Dr. Seuss book, Are you My Mother? “I couldn’t inherently validate myself.” It took him having a break-down to finally wake-up to how detrimental his codependency was. 

We shift focus to codependency in military life. Austin describes how codependency looks like having no sense of self, seeking validation from authority figures, self-sacrifice, people-pleasing, enmeshed boundaries, passivity to commands, and defining one’s existence through others. We learn that many of these traits are necessary in order to succeed in the military but, to an extreme, they can be harmful. 

Austin shares about the impact of codependency on mission, morale, and the mental health of service members. While home in between tours, military members will maintain their codependent traits which leads to self-medicating, suicidal thoughts, angry outbursts, feeling embittered, avoidant behaviors, and self-sacrifice.

Unaddressed codependency in military life is not sustainable. Austin’s experience demonstrates how his own codependency “almost broke me.” So what can one do to make changes while in active duty? Austin suggests: seek help through base mental health squadron, stop comparing, validate yourself, talk to others, seek resources from local veteran centers (active duty members qualify for services!), and don’t let fear stop you from seeking help. 

Thanks for coming on Austin! And thank you for listening, my dear listener!

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See you next week!

-Why is self-compassion so foreign to codependents, especially those who have food and body issues?

-What is mindful self-compassion and how can it help us heal from codependency?

-What are the initial steps we can take to cultivate a self-compassion practice?

Welcome to Episode 133! This week, Cori Rosenthal, LMFT, is back to educate us on mindful self-compassion. In the episode, you’ll hear Cori and I discuss the interconnection between codependency, food, weight, and body image. Cori describes how codependents are vulnerable to said issues since we often have low self-worth, attempt to self-soothe (possibly by over- or under-eating), and receive positive feedback when we meet (or attempt to meet) ideals of conventional beauty. It’s a vicious cycle that leaves us disconnected. Cori believes mindful self-compassion can help us heal from all this. She shares about her work integrating self-compassion and how you can start providing self-compassion to yourself asap. It’s a must-listen!

Links for the show:

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC

Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!

More on this week’s guest: 

Cori Rosenthal is a licensed therapist based out of southern California. Her training in mindful self-compassion informs her work with teens and adults. Cori specializes in working with intimacy and codependency, food and body issues, trauma, anxiety. 

SIGN-UP FOR CORI’S FREE SELF-COMPASSION INTRODUCTION by emailing cori@corirosenthal.com 

Corirosenthal.com

https://www.instagram.com/cori_lmft/ 

Cori’s first episode on the Codependummy Podcast: 

YT: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FXxEq0yOKDs 

Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/codependency-and-food-weight-body-image-with/id1550681775?i=1000508146785

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/episode/4REHu0vcAXUpiidHY5qAlx?si=6A3MuZSYTBOGGNlr91Y17w 

More deets on the episode: 

We begin with hearing Cori’s definition of codependency: due to developmental “misses” or trauma in childhood–often childhood neglect–one develops a pattern of seeking value from others. Cori differentiates between emotional neglect and “good enough parenting” to help us understand where codependency comes from. As adults, we often don’t realize what needs went unmet. We often did not develop an emotional language and our emotions were not validated. 

Cori opens up about a codependent experience from her own life with a friend. “She was my person and I would suffer on my own until I could talk to her.” She reflects on how she was able to make positive changes thanks to hearing a metaphor on dixie cups that encouraged her to create a “team.” Now, Cori knows her strengths as a friend and the categories of people she needs on her team. She encourages us all to ask: Where are my strengths as a support? and What positions do I need on my team?

We then dive into mindful self-compassion and how it helps with codependency, food, and body issues. Codependents are often vulnerable to food and body issues since we have low self-worth, self-soothe (possibly through food), then receive praise from others when we are “disciplined” or meet conventional beauty standards. 

Mindful Self-Compassion, as created by Kristen Neff, involves:

1. Mindfulness (versus over-identification)

2. Common humanity 

3. Self-kindness

Cori breaks down how we walk through each aspect and how that helps us identify our needs then take action.

In her work with clients, Cori helps them create self-compassion through repetition, identifying emotions and needs, repeating phrases (like I’m human, it’s okay), and developing their emotional IQ. It’s all about understanding what you didn’t get in childhood then giving it to yourself. 

Thanks for coming on Cori! And thank you for listening, my dear listener!

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-What is humanistic therapy and how can it help with codependency?

-Why is it important to change how we see ourselves with understanding?

-How can we begin to improve our self-esteem, self-worth, and sense of self?

Welcome to Episode 132! This week, I had the pleasure of interviewing Lindsay Scales, LMFT. Lindsay uses a variety of therapeutic approaches and came to educate us all about one of her specialties: humanistic therapy. In the episode, you’ll hear Lindsay open up about codependency in her own life and how, thanks to her own therapy, she’s been able to channel that into an impactful career as a therapist. You’ll learn about Carl Rogers, the creator of humanistic therapy, and how he treated patients with understanding, compassion, and viewed them as “the expert.” Lindsay details the initial steps she takes with her clients struggling with codependency and you’ll leave with useful guidance on how to improve how you view yourself. It’s a must-listen!

Links for the show:

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC

Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!

More on this week’s guest: 

Lindsay Scales is an LMFT in Southern California. For the past twenty years of her career, Lindsay’s therapeutic skills consist of humanistic, strengths-based, client-centered, and psychodynamic approaches with a holistic perspective; meeting clients where they are in their journey. She has been invited to work with people from all walks of life, at different stages of life, and is always honored by the invitation. 

Lindsay’s professional email and profile:

https://www.soultenders.com/therapists/lindsay-scales/ 

lscales.ip@soultenders.com

45-minute session with Carl Rogers and Gloria: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ee1bU4XuUyg 

More deets on the episode: 

We begin with hearing Lindsay’s definition of codependency: the absence of self in relationships, including familial, romantic, social, and professional. She add how codependents often neglect themselves, totally rely on others, and are susceptible to connecting with individuals who struggle with addiction or illness. 

Lindsay shares with us about her own experiences of codependency, including how she was “set up” as a child of a single parent whose religion, community, and culture encouraged codependent behaviors. Once Lindsay began attending therapy, she realized how her efforts to “show love” to others was misaligned with her needs. 

We shift focus to one of Lindsay’s specialties: humanistic therapy. She describes the humanistic approach: treating the whole individual human rather than the symptom/illness/sickness/disorder. With the approach, the emphasis is on looking back at their whole history and consider all aspects in therapy. 

Lindsay details how codependents are viewed through a humanistic lens: codependency is a part of the person but does not define them on the whole. Humanistic therapists attempt to offer space for patients to look at other aspects of their lives and focus on their needs. Throughout the therapeutic process, the focus is on building rapport, offering understanding, compassion, creating a safe space, and providing UNCONDITIONAL POSITIVE REGARD (UPR). UPR was a radical concept created by Rogers where he attempted to provide his patients with unconditionally positive responses in order to combat their shame, embarrassment, and negative self-judgments. 

Lindsay emphasizes how, through this approach, one is able to radically change their sense of self: they improve their self-worth, self-esteem, self-love, etc. As an initial step, one can ask “how do I currently view myself?” and “how do I want to view myself?” Then, begin to take steps to move towards what you want. 

Thanks for coming on Lindsay! And thank you for listening, my dear listener!

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See you next week!

-What are the root causes of codependency?

-How do the root causes of codependency show up in our lives?

-Where do we begin if we want to get to the root causes and rebuild from there?

Welcome to Episode 131! This week, we are graced with the presence of Lacey Morris, LMFT, for a deep dive into the root causes of codependency. Lacey opens up with us about codependency in her own life and her own root causes that led her to developing a love addiction. Lacey describes the root causes of codependency, ways it shows up in our adult lives, and how it reflects an insecure attachment with others–and OURSELVES! Lacey explains how our attachment style is reflected in our relationship with ourself and what we can do to cultivate a secure self-attachment. We conclude with Lacey’s hope and insight on how she helps her clients find a sense of wholeness within. It’s a must-listen!

Links for the show:

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC

Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!

More on this week’s guest: 

Lacey Morris is a LMFT therapist. One of her passions and specialties is helping others break patterns of codependency and find a secure bond within themselves. This changes one from the inside out and helps one finally find true freedom and joy.

www.laceymorris.com 

More deets on the episode: 

We begin with hearing Lacey’s definition of codependency: where one has too much dependency on others and we abandon ourselves in our relationships. Lacey adds how codependents often are responsible for others’ emotions, seek approval from others, and lose themselves in the process. 

We hear about Lacey’s experiences of codependency from her own life, including how she lost her sense of self, lived off “bread crumbs” in her relationships and had little relational nourishment, and formed a love addiction. She used to believe that if she could heal her former partners, then they would love her. This all came to a halt when she had a wake-up call, began her journey to understand her own codependency, and cultivated a sense of worthiness, wholeness, and self-love. 

Lacey lists the common root causes of codependency: unresolved emotions from childhood, unmet needs from when we were young, childhood trauma, negative early experiences that led us to over-focus on the needs of others in an attempt to meet our own. 

And what happens when these roots grow as we get older? The root causes of codependency show up in our romantic relationships, familial relationships, friendships, and professional relationships. Lacey details a few examples for the ways the root causes show up in our adulthood. Can you relate?

We then dialogue about how codependents often have an insecure attachment with others AND THEMSELVES! Yes, we constantly need reassurance, validation, approval, and love from others. Yes, we are anxious in relationship, worry about rejection/abandonment, and struggle to feel connected. And yes, we may become suicidal when our relationship are going poorly or when we lose them. ALSO, we are insecure with our relationships with ourselves since we often abandon, reject, and avoid ourselves. 

Lacey suggests 3 ways to begin to form a strong attachment with ourselves: explore the root causes of our codependency: get specific on our relative experience, follow the intricate process in addition to therapy, and re-parent ourselves. This path will lead us to a secure attachment with ourselves. 

Thanks for coming on Lacey! And thank you for listening, my dear listener!

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See you next week!

-What are common characteristics of codependents while dating?

-Why do codependents tend to attract assholes when dating?

-How can we be more intentional about our needs to find a healthy partner?

Welcome to Episode 130! This week, I sat down with Alyse Freda-Colon, LCSW, to discuss her approach on helping codependent women who want to stop dating assholes! You’ll hear Alyse’s observations on the common characteristics of codependents while dating, the common mistakes we tend to make on dates, and the red flags we miss with romantic interests. I even share some anecdotes about my dating history since I had a knack for dating assholes. We look at the long-term consequences if we never address our codependent ways when it comes to romance. Alyse spares us from heartache by revealing the initial steps she takes with her coaching clients to help them be more intentional, aligned, and conscious while dating in order to attract healthy partners. It’s a must-listen!

Links for the show:

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC

Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!

More on this week’s guest: 

Alyse Freda-Colon is a therapist in New York and has recently launched 2 small group coaching programs for women: First, Stop Dating Assholes! for women who are ready to start dating more strategically. The second is Are you Mad at Me? for women who are tired of bending themself into a pretzel to please others and who are ready to start prioritizing their own needs unapologetically.

https://www.coachingwithalyse.com/ 

Download Alyse’s Secret Weapon Dating Guide: https://www.coachingwithalyse.com/ 

More deets on the episode: 

We begin with Alyse’s definition of codependency: when someone whose self-worth is tied up in someone else.” She details how codependents often develop their sense of self from an external source and are always asking if they are enough, if they are okay, and base their wants on others. 

And when it comes to dating? Buckle up! Alyse shares common characteristics of codependents: having no idea what we want in a partner, fear around being single, preoccupation with societal and parental pressure to date, settling with partners who are not ideal for us. She adds how codependents often doubt if they deserve a healthy relationship, ignore their gut in relationships, and often spiral about expectations of themselves and others. 

Alyse details the common dating mistakes codependents commit: we make excuses for our partners behavior, make ourselves responsible for our partners feelings, fail to recognize when a partner is disrespectful, have no sense of our needs, lose ourselves in relationships, and have no clarity on what we are and aren't okay with in relationships. 

I open up about how I distorted stalking as romantic. And it was not just in one but two subsequent relationships! 

And the red flags we miss: the fact that we are walking on eggshells, feel like we can’t be authentic, fear disappointing our partner, make excuses, and believe lies. 

We forecast the long-term consequences of these behaviors if they go unaddressed: toxic relationships, wasted time, repetitive patterns, and justifying bad behavior. 

Alyse spares us of romantic misery by suggesting: adjusting our timetable on love, getting clear on what we want in a partner, cultivate a strong sense of self, determine our dealbreakers/must-haves/key characteristics, reflect on past relationships, and pursue what we want. 

If you’re needing more help to stop dating assholes, be sure to sign up for Alyse’s group!!!

Thanks for coming on Alyse! And thank you for listening, my dear listener!

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-What is chronic pain and how does it relate to codependency?

-How might codependents sabotage their health?

-What are the initial steps we can take to practice self-care and prevent conditions like chronic pain?

Welcome to Episode 129! This week, I had the pleasure of interviewing Dr. Andrea Furlan, MD, PhD, on the connection between codependency and chronic pain. In the episode, Dr. Furlan educates us on what chronic pain is and how codependency a) contributes to the development of chronic pain and b) ways that codependents may sabotage their healing from chronic pain since we can’t practice self-care. You’ll hear ways Dr. Furlan has navigated codependency in her own life, including with her chronic pain patients. We explore Dr. Furlan’s eight steps to curing chronic pain and discuss ways you can begin to implement them in your life asap! It’s a must-listen!

Links for the show:

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC

Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!

More on this week’s guest: 

Dr. Andrea Furlan, MD, PhD, is an Associate Professor in the Department of Medicine at the University of Toronto and a Staff Physician and Senior Scientist at the Toronto Rehabilitation Institute. Her YouTube page has more than 487,000 subscribers and more than 42 million views. She received a CIHR New Investigator Award, and her research focus is on treatments of chronic pain including medications, complementary and alternative therapies, and rehabilitation.

https://www.iwh.on.ca/people/andrea-furlan 

https://youtu.be/hxP5XKcNGmI 

https://www.instagram.com/dr.andrea.furlan/ 

Deets on the episode:

We begin by hearing Dr. Furlan’s definition of codependency: in a relationship between two people, one person puts the interests of another above their own to help them succeed. Dr. Furlan describes ways that she learned about codependency in addiction medicine and started to see it in her patients who would refuse to take care of themselves. 

Dr. Furlan opens up about codependency in her own life where, as a mother, she has had to find the balance between doing the right thing for her and her children related to caretaking. She reveals how she and her colleagues often combat codependency with their patients. “We work harder than our patients.” She details empathy research on doctors who prioritize the needs of their patients over their own which contributes to burnout. Can you relate?

We shift focus to Dr. Furlan’s expertise: chronic pain. We learn what the definition of chronic pain is, the difference between acute pain versus chronic pain, and how it relates to the alarm system in a house. Thing is, with chronic pain, the physical “alarm system” is broken. 

Dr. Furlan and I discuss the ways she has seen her patients become codependent with their chronic pain where they form an identity as a “chronic pain patient.” We also hear her struggles with codependent patients who have difficulty practicing self-care and sabotage their chronic pain recovery. 

What’s a codependent trying to heal from chronic pain to do? Dr. Furlan suggests these eight steps which she details in her book:

1. Accept you have chronic pain 

2. Control your emotions

3. Sleep

4. Nutrition

5. Communication

6. Medication

7. Exercise

8. Goals in life 

Dr. Furlan leaves us with reminders to practice self-love, compassion, and to create healthy community. 

Thanks for coming on Dr. Furlan! And thank you for listening, my dear listener!

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-What does codependency look like in plus-size persons?

-How does judgment from others lead plus-size persons to ‘play small’ in their relationships?

-What are the initial steps to healing from our codependency with body image?

Welcome to Episode 128! This week, we are graced with the presence of Annelise Asch, advocate of body neutrality and liberation, to discuss the interconnection between codependency, body image, and plus-size persons. Annelise shares with us how, as young women, we can become codependent on society’s standard of beauty and attraction. This, in turn, can lead us to become codependent on our body image and becoming obsessed with morphing and molding our bodies to fit the “ideal.” Annelise opens up about her own codependency with body image and how she was able to break the connection. We conclude with the initial steps she suggests for plus size persons to stop playing small and start taking up space! It’s a must-listen!

Links for the show:

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC

Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!

More on this week’s guest: 

Annelise Asch is the Social media chair for the International Association of Eading Disorder Professionals iaedp LA and a Professional Relations Representative for The Renfrew Center. She is Passionate about mental health and has worked for 3 years providing peer support and coordinating outreach for mental health organizations in Southern California. Annelise is an advocate of body neutrality and liberation and channels that into her work and personal social media presence.

instagram.com/anneliseasch 

Deets on the episode:

We begin with hearing Annelise’s definition of codependency: when one seeks validation from others and allows others to define one’s boundaries. She opens up about codependency from her own life and admits how she used to think it was a compliment! Her former relationship was, unbeknownst to her, extremely codependent where their “compromise” was really them sacrificing their needs. Can you relate?

Our focus turns to codependency in plus size persons. Annelise shares about how, as young women, we are vulnerable to becoming codependent on society’s beauty standard where we strive to meet the standards of an “ideal body.” This in turn can lead to becoming codependent on our own body image where she obsessively think about, worry about, feel self-conscious about, and hyper-focus on our bodies. Annelise describes her own codependency with her attempts to lose weight and how she was enabled due to the positive attention from others and praise. 

I ask Annelise about how a plus sized individual may be vulnerable to being codependent in their relationships. If they worry they aren’t “pleasing others” with their body, then they may be more agreeable, conflict-avoidant, and appeasing to their partners, parents, and friends. Annelise also describes how being teased, criticized, or shamed by others can lead a plus-size person to ‘play small.’ 

What does recovery look like for a plus-size person? Annelise lists how realization of one’s worth, an understanding of body neutrality and body acceptance, finding community, and challenging the beliefs/standards of beauty can free one of being codependent on their body image. 

Thanks for coming on Annelise! And thank you for listening, my dear listener!

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See you next week!

-What is purity culture and how does it relate to codependency?

-What are the short- and long-term consequences of purity culture?

-How can we explore and cultivate healthy intimacy?

Welcome to Episode 127! This week, we are graced, for the second time, with the presences of Susanna Guarino, LMHC, to dive into purity culture. In a previous episode, Susanna shared about religious trauma and is here to expand on the impact of purity culture on codependency. We hear what purity culture is, how it left codependent young women to be vulnerable, and the negative consequences it had. Susanna reveals how she helps her clients attempting to heal from codependency compounded by purity culture. You’ll be left with insights on how to address issues related to your own lack of intimacy or sexuality. It’s a must-listen!

Links for the show:

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC

Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!

More on this week’s guest: 

Susanna Guarino is a therapist in private practice in NY working with couples and individuals who have experienced religious trauma, spiritual abuse, or damaging effects from membership in a high-control group. She is licensed in NY, AZ, RI and FL.

http://www.goodearthcounseling.com 

Deets on the episode: 

Susanna Guarino is back everyone! We begin with reviewing how she defines codependency: overly focusing on what others need to the detriment of oneself. We connect that to Susanna’s specialty working with religious trauma: codependency is seen when one makes decisions based off fear, yields to others influence to avoid sin, and is worried about their eternal damnation if they prioritize their own needs. 

Susanna opens up about codependency in her own life with an anecdote about purity culture. She describes being part of a Christian church and promising to not have sex until married during a youth gathering. She recalls how, despite the majority making the pledge, two young women defied the leader and refused to acquiesce to the leader’s shaming them. 

We then focus on the interconnection and overlap between codependency and purity culture. Susanna educates us on the history of purity culture, the impact it had on adolescents and teens during the 1990s throughout the US, and it’s consequences. 

Susanna lists various consequences, including internal shame, fear, a lack of sexual pleasure, a lack of intimacy between partners, and a patriarchal/male-centric approach to sex. Many adolescents and teens, especially young women, were vulnerable in this environment and often prioritized the needs of their church leaders, families, and community above their own. 

We conclude with hearing from Susanna about ways she helps her clients attempting to recover from purity culture through education, developing an understanding, developing comfort discussing sex, cultivating critical thinking, and so on. 

Thanks for coming on Susanna! And thank you for listening, my dear listener!

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-In our families, how do roles, rules, and responsibilities contribute to our codependency?

-As adults, how can we challenge the expectations we have of ourselves and our family members in order to heal?

-What are the initial steps we can take to make changes in our families?

Welcome to Episode 126! This week, I sat down with Dove Pressnall, LMFT, to discuss her work providing therapy to adult families: between siblings, adult children and a parent, or having a whole family working with her. Dove discusses her approach by helping her clients get clear on their roles, rules, responsibilities and reasons within their family. She opens up about her own role as the “caregiver” and how she was able to heal from that role, especially in her relationship with her mother. We explore how to challenge familial expectations, boundaries, and communication. You’ll be left with thoughtful questions you can start to ask yourself to heal your family as an adult. It’s a must-listen!

Links for the show:

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC

Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!

More on this week’s guest: 

Dove Pressnall, pronouns she/her, is a psychotherapist (all one word, most days) who has been helping individuals, couples and families tackle problems and build the lives they want since 1997. Dove also founded the nonprofit organization Survivors' Truths and, in her spare time, is the single mom to a 15-year-old who is way cooler than she'll ever be.

https://www.talkingpossibilities.com/ 

More deets on this week’s episode: 

We begin with hearing Dove’s definition of codependency: when one sacrifices for someone else that is not having the effect one wants. It becomes codependent when what we sacrifice for does not work. She then shares about her approach to codependency which involves looking at her clients’ rules, roles, responsibilities, reactions, and reasons. 

Dove describes her codependency as a child where she was the caregiver in her family. She would roll with the punches, sacrifice her needs, go along with others, etc. She was able to heal from that role and offers hope by sharing about the drastic change she and her mother have had in their relationship. 

We shift focus to Dove’s work with families. She has worked with adult families, including siblings, a parent and a child, or the entire multi-generational family. She helps them question the different expectations in communication, the roles they’ve had, helps them create space, and explores how they can meet their needs and the needs of others. 

Dove suggests asking ourselves deep questions like: how and why caring became important to us? When has sacrifice previously paid off? When has sacrifice caused us harm? 

She concludes by offering her perspective that “good things are going on” when she begins with a new patient. Her focus is to help them become curious about what if things were better? 

Thanks for coming on Dove! And thank you for listening, my dear listener!

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-The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge

-Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing 

-If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email marissa@codependumy.com to work with me!

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See you next week!