The Film Snarks: The Snark Is Reel!

“My name is Jordan Belfort. The year I turned 26, as the head of my own brokerage firm, I made $49 million, which really pissed me off because it was three shy of a million a week.”

Welcome back to another money-hungry, overly excessive, truly debauched episode of THE FILM SNARKS!!!

Have you ever dreamed of becoming filthy fuckin’ rich?

Would you stop at nothing to achieve untold riches and fortunes, even if it means lying to countless people, destroying relationships, and alienating friends and family?

If so, then you're gonna love our take on the depraved and insidious world of Jordan Belfort and his disciples at Stratton Oakmont, who lived lifestyles most of us could only ever dream of, a life of true excess where money is no object, but women are, drugs are ingested like water, and not an absolute single fuck is given for any of it - none other than The Wolf Of Wall Street!!

So join us as we find out if Martin Scorcese's The Wolf Of Wall Street is a truly sick and debauched over celebration of a life of excess, or if it is just too damn funny and slick to give a damn!!

“Still, give them to me young, hungry, and stupid. And in no time, I will make them rich.”

"I know you are but what am I?"

Welcome back to another weirdly eccentric, childlike, and manically fun episode of THE FILM SNARKS!!

As we continue on through the Summer 2021 season, I wanted to do something road-trip themed. So this week, we go on a cross-country extravanga to recover our stolen bikes with the weirdly delightful 1985 comedy escapade, Pee Wee’s Big Adventure!

This is one we’ve been wanting to cover since we started this show because this is another childhood favorite and it happens to be Tim Burton's very first film as a director!

And with an unlikely hero in Pee-wee Herman who gets himself into a whole bunch of hilarious shenanigans, a colorful cast of characters he meets along the way, and an absolutely terrific debut score from Danny Elfman, join us as we find out just how excitedly eccentric Pee-Wee's Big Adventure still is almost 40 years on!!

"Be sure and tell 'em Large Marge sent ya!"

"Anybody order Fried Sauerkraut!?"

Welcome back to another flame-throwing, hippie-destroying, fairytale fantasy, and history-altering episode of THE FILM SNARKS!!!

This week’s episode marks our long overdue first time coverage of a Quentin Tarantino film, and because Tarantino just released the novel, what better time to revisit  his most recent 9th film, Once Upon A Time… In Hollywood!!

And according to Tarantino, the novel is "a complete rethinking of the entire story", that adds details to various sequences and characters, including multiple chapters dedicated to the backstory of Cliff Booth, who’s played with Oscar-winning confidence and swagger by Brad Pitt in the film.

This one's a sure trip down Hollywood Boulevard, so join us as we discuss at length the real-life actor-stunt double buddy ships that inspired Rick and Cliff, the controversies surrounding Bruce Lee, but also just what exactly went down with the Manson family and Sharon Tate murders… according to Tarantino!

"What a picture!"

"Come with me if you want to live."

Welcome back to another groundbreaking, apocalypse-preventing, timeline-altering, adrenaline-fueled episode of THE FILM SNARKS!!

So last week we hopped in our trusty Time Displacement Equipment and went back to 1984 to find out just how terrifying that original Terminator film still is.

And we did that because this past week marked the 30th Anniversary of perhaps not only the greatest sci-fi action blockbuster but also probably the greatest movie sequel and, as my bold claim for this episode, about as close to perfect of a film that it’s possible to get - none other than Terminator 2: Judgment Day!

So join us as we find out if not only will humanity live to fight another day and probably destroy itself anyway, but more importantly, if Terminator 2: Judgment Day will continue to impress, amaze, and fulfill audiences old and new for no doubt years to come!!

"Hasta la vista, baby!"

“Come with me if you wanna live!”

Welcome back to another time-traveling, battle-hardened, post-apocalyptic episode of THE FILM SNARKS!!!

We said we’d be back and back we are, because next week marks the 30th anniversary  of one of cinema’s biggest sci-fi action movies, Terminator 2: Judgment Day!

But before we prevent Judgment Day, this week, we head back to the year 1984, where it all began with the original sci-fi action horror classic, The Terminator, to find out if it’s still pure nightmare fuel having an unstoppable cyborg from the future after you and what would you do to stop it.

So come travel across time with us and join the Resistance against the machines as we find out just how terrifying the 1984 original Terminator still is today!!

“I’ll Be Back!”

“The future is now!”

Welcome back to another juiced up, stalkerific, life-disrupting episode of THE FILM SNARKS!!!

This week, we’re taking a little ride on the information superhighway and heading back to the mid-90’s once more, a time when home TVs were monstrously oversized tubes, a time when MTV still played real ACTUAL music videos on said tubes, and most relevant to the movie in question this week, waiting hours at a time for the cable company to show up at your home to install your cable!

It’s probably painfully obvious that we’re talking about the 1996 Jim Carrey-starring and Ben Stiller-directed dark comedy, The Cable Guy, which turned 25 this week on June 14th if you can believe that!

What would you do if you had a stage 5 clinger that just wouldn't leave you alone? How would you react if someone invaded every aspect of your life and turned everything upside down?

Join us this week as we find out if making us dislike Jim Carrey was a strategic mistake and does The Cable Guy suffer for it, or is it another wholly misunderstood 90s flick that deserves a second life 25 years on?

“This concludes our broadcast day. Click.”

"Everybody fights and nobody quits!"

Welcome back to another intergalactic, propaganda-driven, bug-splattering episode of THE FILM SNARKS!!!

The podcast where we kill anything with more than two legs, everyone is beautiful, and whether intentional or not, we save the Galaxy one dead bug at a time!!

Broadcasting live from Klendathu, a hostile planet that must be eliminated, this week, we're paying a little visit to Bug City to revisit the wholly misunderstood great bad space-warring adventure with 1997's Starship Troopers!

And who better than to send in two slightly balding superhero podcasting aggressors to get the job done!

So join us as we find out if Starship Troopers still makes us want to join the Federation and Mobile Infantry to do our part, or if it's so bad that it's good 24 years on!

"Would You Like To Know More?"

"We accept the reality of the world with which we're presented."

So welcome back to another 24-hour a day, reality simulating, paranoia-induced episode of THE FILM SNARKS!!

What would you do if you learned the truth about your entire life and that everyone you ever knew were all carefully fabricated production sets with hired actors and actresses?

How do you think you would react and what would you do with that knowledge?

There have been a few movies over the years that have caused me to question the reality of my existence quite like The Truman Show, which follows the daily and repetitive life of Truman Burbank, played by Jim Carrey, whose life is being broadcast 24 hours a day for his entire life. Only he doesn't know it!

So join us now as we find out what we would do if everything in our life was staged and scripted and just how much of a warning sign The Truman Show was for life under constant surveillance in today's world.

"In case I don't see ya... good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!"

Welcome back to another revolutionary, historically epic and patriotic, New World building episode of THE FILM SNARKS!!!

Happy Memorial Day week everybody! And what a time of year to be patriotic and celebrate the stars and stripes and of course give a nod and salute to all of our Veterans, First Responders, and Health Care Workers. We appreciate all that you do.

This week, we go back to America's beginnings with the turn-of-the-millennium Revolutionary War-based film starring Mel Gibson with 2000's The Patriot!!

What would you do if they destroyed your home and threatened your family? Where would you draw the line?

Join us as we find out just what happens when you destroy Mel Gibson's home, threaten his family, and of course, what happens when you don't give him his son back!

Happy Memorial Day ahead of time, fellow Snarks!

Salute!

“Alright Alright Alright!!”

Welcome back to another stoner-freaking, freshmen hazing, rockin’ good time episode of THE FILM SNARKS!!!

The podcast where we keep getting older, the girls keep getting younger, and rest assured, we always keep a paddle nearby, you know, just in case!!

And because it’s the month of May, which is traditionally when school lets out for the summer, which is oh so one of the greatest feelings of euphoria EVER, this week we hop in our trusty time displacement machines and take a trip back to a summer in Texas of 1976 as we have a look at the stoner comedy classic, Dazed & Confused!

And after almost 30 years, the thing about Dazed & Confused is even though it keeps getting older, it still feels as young as next year’s high school newcomers, and it’ll likely go on outliving us all!

“Just keep on L-I-V-I-N!!”

"You're gonna need a bigger boat!"

Welcome back to another beach-crashing, deep sea diving, monster-hunting episode of THE FILM SNARKS!!!

Happy May everybody, and that means school's out for summer, and what better time to hit the sandy sun-soaked beaches of Amity Island, where the waters are calm and peaceful!

Well, maybe not for too long as a largely unseen sea beast has chosen the tranquil resort town as its personal feeding ground, putting tourists on the menu, in the movie that gave birth to the summer blockbuster, that is Steven Spielberg's action-bromance thriller, JAWS!!

This one's got it all - thrills, chills, gills, and perhaps the greatest on-screen male-bonding trinity in all of cinema!

So join us this week as we find out if when it’s all said and done,  does Jaws still make us weary of getting in the water, but more importantly, does it deserve to be the pioneer of the Summer Blockbuster nearly 40 years on?

"Here's to swimming with bow-legged women!"

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...

Welcome back to another genre-defining, planet-hopping, space-operatic episode of THE FILM SNARKS!!!

It is the month of May and not only is the Summer Blockbuster Season upon us, but it's also Star Wars Month, specifically May 4th, or "May the 4th Be With You" as has been internationally dubbed.

So what better time than to take to the stars with our trusty droids and piece of junk space vessel and travel at lightspeed back to where it all started with George Lucas' 1977 sci-fi space opera, Star Wars, or as it's also known, Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope!!

And with the seemingly endless amounts of Star Wars content being unleashed on the public these days with the property being Disney-owned and operated, there has never been more Star Wars than ever before.

So join us as we find out just how strong the Force is with this one nearly 50 years on, and more importantly, just how and why Star Wars has remained the largest and most epic cinematic saga in movie history!!

"May the Fourth Be With You Always!"

"Test Your Might!"

Welcome back to another blood-soaked, realm-clashing, video-game adapted episode of THE FILM SNARKS, the podcast where Earthrealm is threatened by Outworld sorcerers, revenge is a dish best served cold, and a deadly kombat-driven tournament decides the fate of the world!

And just like that, WE. ARE. BACK with a brand new episode on the newly released and updated take on the classic video game series, MORTAL KOMBAT, where the two previous films, Mortal Kombat (1995) and it’s terrible sequel Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997), were the last time the popular series saw a big screen adaptation.

Now, whether your touchstone with the property are any of the video games, the two mid-90s movies, the endless extended universe literature, or the undeniably ICONIC theme song from the original movies known as “Techno Syndrome”, which is still a phenomenal pump-up track,  this day has been a long time coming, and the world is ABSOLUTELY ready for Mortal Kombat 2021, as are we!

So join us for a fun discussion as we find out if modern audiences were ready to test their might and accept Mortal Kombat in 2021!

"FINISH HIM!"

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"Make a move and the bunny gets it!"

What do you get when you get every creep and freak in the universe onto one plane and then somehow manage to let said creeps and freaks take it over, and then stick a wrongly-imprisoned ex-military parolee right smack dab in the middle of it?

What do you get is an unapologetic, high-octane action thrill ride with an A-list cast, fist-pumping moments, a guitar-slaying soundtrack, and a whole bunch of murders, muscles and... MALKOVICH, lots of Malkovich, with Con Air!!

They really don't make 'em quite like this anymore as this one's truly got it all. So join us once more, as we find out if hillbilly mullets can still be rocked 20+ years on, and just how awesomely weird and dangerous this late-90's prison plane action flick has gone down, and if all this could have been avoided if they had just put the bunny back in the box!!!

"Thank you for choosing Con Air!"

"On July 2nd, they arrive. On July 3rd, they strike. On July 4th, we fight back."

What would we do if aliens suddenly showed up out of nowhere and started wreaking havoc on our planet? How long would it take to mount a counterattack in the name of freedom against our otherworldly attackers?

Before the Avengers, we had Earth's mightiest heroes in the form of Will Smith, Jeff Goldblum, Bill Pullman, and Randy Quaid. As Tony Stark promised Loki in that film, "If we can't save the Earth, you can be damn sure we'll avenge it." And that's exactly what our unlikely ragtag team of survivors do in the mid-90's alien invasion summer blockbuster classic, Independence Day!!

Changing the cinematic game forever, Independence Day just about has it all and reinvented the disaster genre. It truly was the end of the world as we knew it!

So join us once more as we level major cities, pool our dwindling resources, and absolutely rejoice in our love for this 1996 popcorn action flick that wowed audiences back then and certainly continues to all these years later! And we ain't done 'til the fat lady sings!!!"

"We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight! We're going to live on. We're going to survive. Today, we celebrate our Independence Day!!"

"Martians, this is great!"

How many moments have gone down in history as momentous occasions? Whether it be a technological advancement, the octomom, or making contact with extra-terrestrial beings for the first time in human history, the latter of which would be especially significant.

But not if said extra-terrestrials from Mars and are little a-holes hell bent on wreaking havoc for no other reason than because why the hell not!

And that's exactly what goes down in Tim Burton's 1996 certifiably insane alien invasion flick, Mars Attacks!

With an A-list cast all in on the joke, wild destruction all around, and Tom Jones singing "It's Not Unusual" in front of homicidal Martian invaders! Check your brain at the door, fellow snarks, 'cuz this one's a ton of fun as we watch worlds collide in spectacularly hilarious fashion where no one is safe and 2 out 3 branches of working government ain't bad!!

"We Come In Peace! Don't Run! We Are Your Friends!"

“Calling Dick Tracy... Come in Dick Tracy... ”

There's something to be said in bringing style over substance, and this week's episode, brings us bright vintage clothing and tommy guns and much more in Warren Beatty's hyper-stylized live action cartoon, Dick Tracy!!

Based on the 1930s comic strip, this underrated 1990 gem's got an A-list cast, hard-boiled detectives, disgusting bad guys, eye-popping visuals, vivid color schemes, and a poppin' soundtrack primarily sung by Madonna herself as Breathless Mahoney.

So join us as we find out just how many times we can handle Al Pacino shouting at us, whether or not Tracy will save the day, but most importantly, if Warren Beatty's, Dick Tracy, prevails with style over substance over 30 years later!!

"I'm On My Way..."

“Forget about the curveball, Ricky. Give him the heater!”

Welcome back to another team-building, base-running, pennant-winning episode of THE FILM SNARKS!!!

Requested by some of our fellow snarks, and with Major League Baseball about to make its return on April 1st, we thought what better time to buy some peanuts and cracker jacks, hit the field and find out juuuust how a bit outside the 1989 sports comedy classic, Major League, still resonates 3 decades on!!

Don’t think this ones going the distance? Will it be a home run or a grand slam? Find out now, as Andrew and I discuss if Baseball is preferable to Football as America’s pastime, the history of sports movies, and just how bad drinking Jobu’s rum can be!!

“Win the whole effin’ thing!”

“If I am not me, who da hell am I?”

Welcome back to another futuristic, world-hopping, oxygen-sucking, hyper-violent action adventure episode of THE FILM SNARKS!!!

What if I told you that you could take a vacation from yourself and live out any fantasy you’ve ever had without having to actually go and do any of it for real?

Would you do it?

Of course you would! After all, reality is often disappointing and that’s exactly why we go to the movies! 

And that’s exactly why Arnold Schwarzenegger abandons his boring everyday life for an exciting and blood-soaked inter-planetary espionage mission to Mars in the year 2084!!

So join us as we find out if Paul Verhoeven’s 1990 action thriller classic, Total Recall, still has us relishing in killing the bad guys, saving the planet, getting the girl, and being home in time for cornflakes!!

“Get your ass to Mahs!”