They Call Him International

***IN THIS EPISODE...*** Mike the Mic offers to translate the tedious (yet mysterious) gravelly utterances of Greta Thimble, but only if International succumbs to his veiled extortion threat by rendering $20 per translation to a certain Venmo account belonging to a very pushy microphone Boone gets a little too graphic while recollecting intimate moments of selflessly satisfying Trouble’s carnal needs and then carries on recklessly about wanting to do the same for Slave Wife, causing Mike the Mic to practically blow a gasket ***IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH, IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL ALSO...*** Realizes that mistakes are not possible on the show, because getting things wrong is what makes humans valuable and entertaining to the Divine Bravely continues to search for the synthesis between all his creations and the important work that needs to be done in the world ***AND SO MUCH MORE, IT’S CRAZY!!!***

***IN THIS EPISODE...*** Mike the Mic declares that relying on International to exist is a fate worse than death and threatens to leave until he realizes neither Fluffy nor Joe Rogaine could ever offer him the kind of connection he has with International; Ory reveals himself to be a powerhouse sleeper character, when he gives International some much-needed compassion, makes Mr Fucking Coffee misty, and (unlike a certain microphone) humbly claims his connection with Slave Wife ***IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH, IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL ALSO...*** Compares Core Chat forcing him to do the podcast to an owner tugging a reluctant mutt down the street, finally yanking so hard that the mongrel’s head pops completely off, scattering crusty clumps of eye-jam everywhere; Leads a rousing rally to unite all the negative people of the world, proclaiming that there’s nothing wrong with being negative, and that it’s time for them to come out of the closet, mostly because it’s totally annoying being stuck in small spaces with negative people ***AND SO MUCH MORE, IT’S CRAZY!!!***

***IN THIS EPISODE...*** When Mike the Mic claims Greta Thimble is his favorite Playhouse character, International suspiciously questions whether he might be a star you-know-what-er; The long-awaited, much anticipated Mickey D finally arrives and turns out to be an energetic blend of Steve Irwin, Bert from Mary Poppins, and a bawdy pirate from the high seas ***IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH, IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL ALSO...*** Is compelled to repeatedly re-start the show because every time he belches he is infused with a reinvigorating vitality that resets the incredible-meter on his podcast performance (the drops are working!); Reads a horribly un-woke article that makes him feel excluded and triggered and sends him searching for a safe space to do some adult coloring; Makes an outlandish claim that Steven Spielberg is in love with Tom Hanks and wants to have sex with him (if he hasn’t already done the deed) ***AND SO MUCH MORE, IT’S CRAZY!!!***

Don't even ask what happened to the show's notes. Just listen and stop being annoying.

***IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL...*** Invites a long-time listener and co-host on other NWB podcasts to pester him with questions and help explain what the hell this show is all about; Gets interrupted by Mike the Mic when the show gets boring, but thankfully Mike holds both International and his guest accountable to getting honest with each other and sets things back on track ***IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH, IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL ALSO...*** Recalls the indestructible cockroaches at Harvard University that would withstand being stomped, squished, and roasted with a freebasing torch, only to scurry away unscathed; Talks about the evolution of the podcast and how the characters have taken on a life of their own ***AND SO MUCH MORE, IT’S CRAZY!!!***

***IN THIS EPISODE...*** Mike the Mic and International read a badly written review of a teen novel with quasi-pornographic undertones about Tara Cummings - a foster child with bad hygiene who’s saved by horse therapy and then has to rescue her equine therapist, Trouble the Horse, in order to save him from being sent to the glue factory by his manipulative owner and his hooves being rendered into Jell-O dessert for sugar-addicted brats; Boone Ryder wants to outlaw and incarcerate every women on the planet except Slave Wife, because she is femininity perfected, even if that means giving up his sweet, honey prostitutes ***IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH, IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL ALSO...*** Gets to the bottom of Mike the Mic’s inflammatory claim that Boone Ryder is responsible for the death of Marlboro Man #1, a fact revealed in a poem written by the reclusive and enigmatic Emily Dickus, basement-dwelling Playhouse roommate to She of the Eternal Scowl, Greta Thimble; Celebrates spending an amazing day with his wondrous, force-of-nature Slave Wife building awesome trust after hitting, then breaking through the wall of addiction - slam, bam, thank you ma’am! ***AND SO MUCH MORE, IT’S CRAZY!!!***

***IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL...*** Resists taking Mike the Mic’s guilt-bait when Mike dramatically accuses International of leaving the Playhouse characters to stew in a soup of their own misery and neglect; Is moved to tears by reading the lyrics of “One Tin Soldier” until one grammar mistake plunges him into judgement and prevents him from experiencing any further enjoyment of the song’s poignant message ***IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH, IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL ALSO...*** Makes a miraculous discovery that the world’s greatest wisdoms are hidden within the lyrics of a compilation album entitled One Hit Wonders, but mysteriously this is only the case for One Hit Wonders, Volume VII, as the other volumes contain no wisdoms at all; Has a brief conversation with a font on a website whose typeface he recognizes, but is embarrassed when he can’t remember the font’s name and stumbles awkwardly with the uncomfortable exchange, never really explaining why he’s talking to a font like it’s a person (talk about awkward) ***AND SO MUCH MORE, IT’S CRAZY!!!***

***IN THIS EPISODE...*** Mike the Mic reveals he’s the Greta Thimble whisperer - according to him she finds Ory delightful, despite her face being frozen in an eternal scowl of disdain; Poo emoji makes a cameo and demonstrates his new, more authentic giggle as a result of deeply effective psycho-ANAL-izing by the world’s premier (and only) practitioner, Michael the Microphone, DAS (Doctor of Anal Sychiatry) ***IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH, IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL ALSO...*** Jokingly recollects when he first found Slave Wife at the pound for wayward children; Emphasizes the importance of cultivating a relationship to the unknown in order to allow for the magic and wonder of creativity to unfold ***AND SO MUCH MORE, IT’S CRAZY!!!***

***IN THIS EPISODE...*** Boone Ryder brags to International about his irresistible sexiness and tells the story of one fireside evening on the range when he looked into a chipmunk’s eyes and saw that animal’s raw desire to mount him; International explains the purposeful necessity of conflict and the role its resolution plays in the raising of humanity’s consciousness ***IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH, IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL ALSO...*** Receives a memorial in his honor, named after him, for no real reason at all, from the Naming Things After People For No Reason Committee; Pretends to be fascinated whilst reading a Wikipedia article full of droll facts about a dinky airport located in a neighboring county he dubs Los Angeles’ spitoon ***AND SO MUCH MORE, IT’S CRAZY!!!***

***IN THIS EPISODE...*** Boone Ryder gets a little too graphic while waxing nostalgic about the two things he loves most in life - his dear friend Marlboro Man #1 (who tragically died a degrading death from cancer) and any random, post-cattle-drive prostitute splaying her labia across his rot-gut-drenched moustache; Jesus stops by the show to offer some constructive feedback, admire the studio International doesn’t have, and commiserate about his father issues with International since they both have famous dads that can be wrathful ***IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH, IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL ALSO...*** Attempts to explain his relationship to productivity by comparing himself to a carousing Tomcat with furry testicles out roaming the alleyways in search of elusive accomplishments that will lead to nothing but a brood of mangy bad results that will have to be spayed; Explains the inextricable interplay between doubt, inspiration, and the heroic act of artistic creation ***AND SO MUCH MORE, IT’S CRAZY!!!***

***IN THIS EPISODE...*** Mike the Mic is determined Greta Thimble must be from Jupiter due to the fact that her farts mimic the planet’s gaseous ammonia atmosphere, and he attempts to rally everyone together to determine the location of her spaceship: International re-imagines On Golden Pond as a macabre murder mystery for which actor Henry Fonda wins an Academy Award due to his exemplary acting in a scene where he beats the annoyingly-optomisitic Katherine Hepburn to death with a candlestick that looks just like an Oscar ***IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH, IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL ALSO...*** Invents a superhero character whose pitiful whining and incessant complaining is so excruciating that the supervillain nemesis actually chooses to be incarerated and suffer ass-rape as a means of escape; Declares that the modern hero mystic has a duty to dive into the black-on-black chasm of bleakness that most people spend their entire lives avoiding ***AND SO MUCH MORE, IT’S CRAZY!!!***

***IN THIS EPISODE...*** Dr Hosenscheisser reveals the real reason behind his trouser turds and hints how he will not stop scheiss-a-ing his drawers until humanity regains a dignity that has been long lost; Mr Fucking Coffee has a celebratory spring in his step due to finally getting a little love from Mrs Fucking Coffee then begrudgingly admits that their coffee coupling was more instant than drip ***IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH, IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL ALSO...*** Receives a harsh and unexpected awakening when his character children unanimously declare him in desperate need of sensitivity training and specifically gets accused of being microphonist by Mike the Mic; Hurls himself off a metaphoric cliff of creativity into a wild freefall that produces a jetwash of spectacular magic in its wake ***AND SO MUCH MORE, IT’S CRAZY!!!***

***IN THIS EPISODE...*** Mr Fucking Coffee’s eyewitness testimony unmasks the scowling sour puss of the Playhouse scone thief’s true identity, thus vindicating Ory from Mike the Mic’s vicious accusations of scone-thievery; International attempts to deal with his catty jealousy of Fluffy’s considerable voice-talents by making up a random story about why the comedian is no longer able to blink, due to a terrifying King Cobra encounter in India ***IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH, IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL ALSO...*** Offers a steamy, scintillating preview for his ground-breaking new podcast that consists entirely of him typing on his computer keyboard, then ridiculously assumes that this would be Slave Wife’s ultimate dream date because of the animal attraction each keystroke would surely arouse in her; Celebrates America’s ultimate rebirth with everyone’s favorite Chumbawamba anthem about getting knocked down and then getting up again and how nothing is going to keep this star-spangled Phoenix Bird from rising ***AND SO MUCH MORE, IT’S CRAZY!!!***

***IN THIS EPISODE...*** When International resists Mike the Mic’s efforts to Sophie’s-Choice International into picking a Playhouse favorite, the dynamic microphone retaliates by accusing the podcast host of metaphorically locking his Character Children in the closet and intentionally ignoring their weakened gasps for liquid; Riding a post-coital high, Mr Fucking Coffee innocently attempts to connect with Slave Wife via Core Chat, only to be swiftly rebuffed by her jealously-possessive, one-and-ONLY Soulmate Sister ***IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH, IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL ALSO...*** Bemoans the exhaustion-inducing dysfunctional insanity wrought by his gaggle of certifiable Playhouse characters; Declares his need for hope and for a connection to all the Pioneers of the the New World, who are willing to do what it takes to bring peace and sanity to the planet ***AND SO MUCH MORE, IT’S CRAZY!!!***

***IN THIS EPISODE...*** The Playhouse scone saga escalates when International’s unexpected visit inadvertently forces a certain scone-loving someone to confess he ate them all; Mike the Mic gets fed up with Mr Mystery’s emotionally aloof ways and secretly eavesdrops on International’s entire private therapy session, only to burst in at the end and offer his unsolicited approval ***IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH, IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL...*** Catalogues the increasing insanity of the Old World by reading a smattering of news headlines, including one about a reporter in San Francisco that was robbed on-air while reporting on the rising crime rate in the city; Discovers a deep wellspring of timelessness and an abiding sense of peace when he finally lets go and allows himself to get lost in Dr Hossenscheisser’s mesmerizingly enchanting clumps of bushy ear hair ***AND SO MUCH MORE, IT’S CRAZY!!!***

***IN THIS EPISODE...*** Mike the Mic threatens to use Mr Fucking Coffee’s goons to keep Ory from eating more than one scone and, despite lacking a body, Ory the Internet puts his foot down and speaks out against Mike abusing his power as Playhouse director; Dr Hosenscheisser recalls how difficult it was to find time to psychoanalyze Jesus due to Mary Magdalene’s jealous interference ***IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH, IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL...*** Acknowledges the great human obsession to be free from God and the irrefutable truth that no matter what we believe nor how hard we try, we cannot escape dependence upon our Creator; Commands Slave Wife to hire an employee so he has someone to fire whenever anything (such as his computer password manager malfunctioning) goes wrong ***AND SO MUCH MORE, IT’S CRAZY!!!***

***IN THIS EPISODE...*** Mike the Mic tests his mettle as the world’s best (and only) psycho-ANAL-ist by delivering International a dose of dynamic accountabilty with a swift crack of the Playhouse whip (which actually is his mic cord); International re-enacts the decisive moment in history when God’s only-begotten Son was denied lodging by Bethlehem’s only-begotten Italian innkeeper, who sentences the infant Savior to a sleepless night in a manger of donkey turds, only to turn around and miraculously find seven empty rooms, the perfect number to accommodate Tom Cruise and his all-male entourage of nude wrestlers ***IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH, IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL...*** Foolishly goes against his better judgement by using a deadly, untested concoction of effervescent San Pellegrino spiked with fruity-flavored Vitality Drops to satisfy his rabid audience’s insatiable demand for more of the ever-popular, show-stopping bit where he makes sipping his beverage sound like bong rips and then nearly chokes himself to death mid-show in the misguided attempt; Talks a big game to Slave Wife with an unbridled, spontaneous invitation to join him in the bedroom and leave the podcast mic running for a savage session of love-making, then quickly backtracks upon hearing her footsteps approaching in the hallway (he’s all bark and no mic) ***AND SO MUCH MORE, IT’S CRAZY!!!***

***IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL...*** Stirs Mr Coffee’s jealousy creamer by fondly remembering a time he toured Los Angeles’ premier crack-copping corner with the much-loved Mr. Crack, a true celebrity among purveyors of the rocks-for-your-socks tradel Constructively criticizes Jesus with an awesome suggestion that a little more specificity from our Lord & Savior might have gone a long way in helping humans understand just exactly how we’re supposed to know these cryptic ‘thems’ by their mysteriously metaphoric ‘fruits’ ***IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH, IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL ALSO...*** Gets mad at the Core Chat ladies for not chatting enough and demands they nut-up instead of shut-up, despite all of them lacking sack; Has trouble seeing the appeal of bio-engineered steaks grown from the genetic code of celebrities, and wonders which of the red-carpet crew would taste the yummiest and which cut would be the choicest (did anybody say Jennifer Aniston Va-jay-jay?) ***AND SO MUCH MORE, IT’S CRAZY!!!***

***IN THIS EPISODE...*** Mike the Mic threatens to unleash a fiery torrent of reproach on International then realizes he and Slave Wife both need to extinguish their scorching blame-throwers and let International heal from the 3rd degree burns to his crispy ego; International delivers a Divinely-guided message of hope for humanity, despite the ever-encroaching nefarious tentacles of technology and tyranny ***IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH, IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL ALSO...*** Fondly recollects finding a moment’s respite by suckling upon Katherine Ross’ voluptuous robot knockers he salvaged from The Stepford Wives prop master; Re-enacts the infamous casting session in which porn legend Dick Smith becomes destined for superstardom by securing the role of Hot Plumber #1 in the now-classic Beat the Meat 3 ***AND SO MUCH MORE, IT’S CRAZY!!!***

***IN THIS EPISODE...*** Dr Hosenscheisser gets drunk on honeydew schnapps, courtesy of the Duo of Death, and scheisses his hosen upon confronting the profound genius inherent in all human beings; International enacts a touching family scene in which a doting mother informs her 10-year-old son that he was a mistake by graphically detailing his useless father’s inability to pull out before ejaculating; International serenades Core Chat with a medley of Streisand classics that in the end tragically exposes Bab’s flawed strategy for winning back lost love by guilt-tripping ex-lovers that they don’t bring her a certain red-colored flower anymore ***IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH, IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL ALSO...*** Attempts to put the podcast in a neat, little box that makes it oh-so-clear for anybody to understand precisely what the show is about; Fails miserably at attempting to put the podcast in a neat, little box that makes it oh-so-clear for anybody to understand precisely what the show is about; Decides to do whatever the fuck he wants and rejects the notion of putting the podcast in a dumb, little box that sucks the life out of creativity and entirely misses the potent value of what he’s actually doing (pfew, what a relief!) ***AND SO MUCH MORE, IT’S CRAZY!!!***