TurtleCOM

Originally recorded July 2, 2016. It’s the first NEW EPISODE in a while! …sort of… TFTS and DAlex are joined by series regular Talia Ellis and newcomer The-Tim-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named Stanton! This week we jump into a new episode with a brand new writer, but the same ol’ female oppression tropes as it is ALL Irma all the time. If you missed TMNT 2: Out of the Shadows earlier this year, T & D take a sidebar to high-mediocre praise! And as always there’s loads of psycho-sexual over-analysis to be had as they sink their teeth into this sci-fi throwback.

Originally recorded November 21, 2015. Tim, DAlex, and Becky Sanders dawn their briefcases and legal pads as they discus episode 302, “Turtles on Trial.”  Technical glitches galore, Becky figured out their microphone snafu just in time to make the show happen. Thank her next time you see her, as you’d have missed out on the cavalcade of characters that are cross-examined in this daytime TV style mudslinging-fest of a show. They’ll have you chanting ‘Kell-er-man, Kell-er-man’ by the end.

Originally recorded May 13, 2015, DAlex and TFTS return to form in the EK Studios with Katie “Seawolf” Self (Shrouded Tales series) and Noah Nevin (“Realm” & “Prom Ride”). Kicking off Season 3 of the Turtles original series, you are in for a doozey! Shred and Krang are plotting the theft of the irreplaceable Medi-Lazer that Doctor Jimmy Stewart has just created. Drill modules… directional control modules… it's a nonstop science fest full of animated techno garbage that encourages us all to draw what you know. When everyone is Sherlock, you know its going to be a great episode!

Originally recorded April 29, 2015, the famous Tim Smith and Dalex finish out season 2 of the original TMNT cartoon series with a few voices from the past. Nathan Ballard, Larry Parr, and Geoff Stults’ younger brother Andy Wagner join us to see what happens when the Technodrome returns to the Niagra Falls. Star Wars references, turtle vehicles, and C&C galore! Get ready for an EPIC episode where four nerds lock themselves into a recording studio to talk season finale madness.

Originally recorded January 10, 2016, DAlex and TFTS are back with a special interview with the lead game designer of TMNT Battle Match, Joe Mares. It’s a calm return to the recording booth, so look forward to some heavy turtle talk and the inspirations of a video game artist. Also, go download BATTLE MATCH!

Reaching out from the mists of The Famous Tim, and Dalex's past comes V.O. actress Sara Cravens and driving a Krispy Kreme truck of sugar sweetness through our hearts is Film and TV's Austin Highsmith. This mighty team of four dives head first into a surprisingly Femme-unfriendly episode of the '87 TMNT series. Who will come out alive on the other side, and who will come out a bra burning supporter of the feminist cause? Hint: it's Dalex.

SEASON 2 has arrived!!! The Famous Tim Smith & DAlex are back from an extended vacation filled with loads of editing and TMNT related misadventures. More importantly, they have returned to the studio with beloved guests Colleen Evanson and Dr. Ben Tully (King of the Nerds)! There are always loads of unsolicited endorsements on the show, but this week they only seemed to be rivaled by the many jokes centered on The “D”! (Not a reference to Donatello) It’s an episode about unrequited love between beings of different species and dimensions, so try not to eat your feelings if you can’t figure out how to make a physical relationship with a brain work. WE’RE BACK, SHREDHEAD!!!

TurtleCOM turns 30!!! …and DAlex & TFTS are gettin’ dirty by digging up all the banned clips from the cutting room floor.  Of course it wouldn’t be TurtleCOM if they didn’t talk about the 1987 cartoon, so Dom Burgess and Abbey Cobbe return to help finish off ‘New York’s Shiniest’ as well as season 1. Machine clones, seatbelt safety, and Michelangelo’s Mommy issues all get explored amidst two extended clip sequences from TurtleCOMs past. It’s a turtle fireworks worthy celebration, full of offensive quips and quotes that will make you say, “They were quite clever and playful.”

DAlex and the famous Tim attack Comments & Corrections today with ninja-like fury! The Queen of Bees, Saskia Delp-Kullock has returned to the hive along with Miles Allen after his epic Edinburgh adventure performing his “One-Man Breaking Bad” show. Super-strong thugs break into April’s apartment, but fortunately the new “perfect man-bot” in her life, REX-1, is a far more effective security system than the Turtles. Also, Halloween costumes, cat calling, and apparently Irma is Jewish, nothing but hot-button issues for our panel this week.

TurtleCOM TURNS 1!!! Coincidentally, DAlex busts out the ol’ Sand-filled, Mariachi Egg while TFTS makes the world’s longest TMNT DVD box opening. Colleen Evanson returns with quips and cracks a plenty to help sire in Lady Becky Sanders to the fold. Nobody sings Happy Birthday this time, but there’s loads of songs and pop cultural references flung about. Splinter seemed like he’d never return from the human surface world last time, but Mother Brain from Dimension STOP has Master Yoshi chiming in, “Au contraire, kemo sabe!”

The famous Tim Smith is turning 30 years old just to commemorate the anniversary of the Turtles! Holly Mckee and Brian McClure (“Space Command”) join in the festivities with a risqué rendition of the Happy Birthday song and DAlex “the beach slapped” Miller is unimpressed with the details of his childhood stuffed animal Figment. Splinter’s morose as a Checkhov play, but Donnie has a cure for his rat blues. Everyone seems to be revealing a new layer to their personality, Bebop & Rocksteady even try out track suits! Now, comes the fun part, it’s TURTLECOM!

DAlex and TFTS promise to get strait to the turtles this episode, but there’s just one problem… JED WILLIAAAAAMS!!! He’s returned with accounts of John Heder and the Dynamite pic that brought them all back together. The Punk Frogs finally come to their senses about Shredder, but not before snatching some big bags with dollar signs on them and unleashing Captain Hoffman on the City of New York. Allusions to slavery are revealed, while Shredder’s sexual preferences only get more muddled. This episode misses the mark so much, it’s a sin!

It’s their first interview ever so TFTS and DAlex figured why not just peak at the beginning with co-creator of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles himself, Kevin Eastman. Listen in for tails of turtles, pop cultural influences in the creative process throughout, and find out what age the turtles were actually intended to embody! Secrets revealed, cartoons geeked over, this interview is SO TurtleCOM they even recorded it on DAlex’s communicator.

The famous Tim Smith sets the course for adventure in the coming weeks with DAlex the baby-faced Viking talking the TMNT Movie in greater detail. Collin Turner of the improv realm returns to regale us with turtle politics in the bog of Florida as well as a few delightful characters. Set your phasers to Holographic Clothes cuz Shredder’s brainwashed himself an antithetical punk frog troupe to take out the Turtles in this week’s episode!

DAlex the friendly genie returns form Comic-Con 2014 with a little green bug full of turtle superfans including tOkKa (terrible2z.com), Mark Demerin (aka – Fugitoid), and Michelle Ivey (CowabungaCorner.com). It’s not a traditional episode today as they start off with Foot Soldier Theater, performing a scene from the scrapped Ninja Turtles script.  Afterwards it’s an intense recap of Comic-Con including the Nick Pannel, Turtle art, & Hall H. But if that wasn’t enough TFTS & DAlex share their experience watching the new movie and Tokka educates us on the history of TMNT and the business behind it. Get ready to GEEK OUT!

TFTS starts off all anime’d out and DAlex the friendly genie looses his license to the local teen police but fortunately Luis Carazo is able to die roll their spirits +10 by summoning the queen bee, Saskia Delp-Kullock.  Turtle movie trivia abounds, but they find their way back to Baxter’s predicament with a long discussion on mutation rules.  The Turtle Blimp, Knucklehead, and a cheese van race our heroes to the stories end this week so, hold on to your pants, cuz Splinter has to save us all!

DAlex the queasy genie fights to keep his frappuccino down and TFTS battles to keep this barge of fools sailing straight for Krang’s portal.  Mike Sielaff joins us for the first time out of the LA improv scene and Breon Bliss returns to claim bullshit on Baxter’s science. April finally has to let the turtles down easy and Stockman has a bonding experience with a fly. Hope you have a strong stomach because Bebop & Rocksteady return to earth in this Blimped out episode!

TFTS is reunited with DAlex the friendly genie who makes his wish to see Jed Williams a reality and also ushers forth Abbie “Howard” Cobbe from the mists of improv comedy.  Under a time crunchabunga, the crew barrel through stage moms and a car accident that saved Jed a BUTT ton of money! There’s still plenty of racist diatribes against the screenwriters this episode and Abbie’s eye for Irma’s proclivity to fainting makes us all exclaim, “Oh, the WOMANITY of it all!”

Tim and DAlex pop in their VHS copy of this memorable TMNT episode as veteran TurtleCOMmie TaliaEllis.com returns to the break room to combine powers with Katie “Seawolf” Moloney (VO for “Shrouded Tales”). The memory of Dr. Breakfast is honored in text chat on his tombstone and in C&C, as Ninja Turtle confectionary is brought front and center. There’s a long discussion on the laxed health codes in NY pizza places and diversity in cartoons, but it isn’t all serious issues as they also talk about AIDS.

DAlex the Dirty Dinosaur Digger and TFTS complete the Eye of Zarnoth quadrilogy with special guests Miles Allen (“One Man Breaking Bad”) and Dr. Breakfast (THE complete breakfast).  We discover the secret of “How to Fix Your Messed Up Life” and how attractive Shredder’s helmet can make you feel on the inside.  In the end, the wisdom of Mortimer proves as valuable as a golden shield, so hitch a ride in the Turtle Blimp ‘cuz this road is fraught with plot holes.