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    Untaming Masculinity

    Masculinity has developed a negative connotation in modern society and we address that issue head-on. Each episode, Brad and Dan delve into the pressing issues surrounding masculinity, marriage, fatherhood, and personal growth. First-hand experience, hard-fought lessons, and hard-hitting questions are passed on from both the hosts and their guests on being a man of integrity and the journey of becoming your best self.
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    Episodes (84)

    UM 084: Raising Your Standard

    UM 084: Raising Your Standard

    Standard – a level of quality or attainment.

    Every man has a standard. For some men, the standard they have established is one of excellence. However, the standard set forth by most men leaves much to be desired. So, the question must be asked: how can a man raise his standard?

    In raising one’s standard, you are required to have an understanding of who you are and who you want to be while being unwilling to compromise. As Steve Maraboli said, “You are the point of origin for everything in your world: you set the standard for yourself.”

    It’s critical also to raise the standard of those around you continually. When it comes to your band of brothers, the collective standard is something you should constantly be looking to improve. As you inspire and will each other forward, your shared meaning and purpose will result in the bar being raised.

    In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan and Brad discuss standards and why every man must not only aim to raise his standard but the standard of the men around him. They share tactics to help you establish a higher baseline for your standard and how you can leverage those around you to become the man you are destined to be.

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    UM 083: The Power of Premptiveness

    UM 083: The Power of Premptiveness

    Preemptive – serving or intended to preempt or forestall something, especially to prevent attack by disabling the enemy.

    As men, we all too often find ourselves not communicating our plans and not taking action before any number of events. As a result, we can sow discord and distrust with those closest to us.

    When we make the effort to be preemptive, we get out in front of a situation by choosing to openly and transparently discuss and share plans, contingencies, and other possibilities that may exist. That level of preparedness not only positively impacts us but those around us, as well.

    In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan and Brad dive into the concept of preemptiveness and why there is a remarkable power in choosing to preempt situations both personally and professionally. The guys discuss why choosing to be preemptive creates a level of trust in those around you and how choosing to communicate will enable you to avoid common pitfalls that men find themselves struggling with.

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    UM 082: Taking Pride In Your Appearance

    UM 082: Taking Pride In Your Appearance

    Appearance – the way that someone or something looks

    We’ve all heard the saying, “A real man doesn’t care how he looks.” We all also know that saying is nonsense.

    How a man dresses and carries himself is vital. He cannot reasonably expect to gain approval or influence if he shows up looking messy, unkempt, or as if he simply doesn’t care. How you appear is an outward manifestation of what you want others to see in you. Your appearance deserves to be taken seriously.

    As the author Charles Hix once said, “Looking good isn’t self-importance; it’s self-respect.” By learning to dress well, work on your posture, and take care of your physical condition, you will start to gain a level of confidence that will pay tremendous dividends both personally and professionally.

    In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan and Brad discuss why a man needs to take pride in his appearance. They share some tips and tactics that have served them well in improving their appearance, from learning how to dress to giving a firm handshake. They share how taking action to improve their appearance has transformed their lives. They also discuss how you can start to develop your own style and what you can do to look your best in adopting that style.

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    UM 081: Finding Joy In The Journey

    UM 081: Finding Joy In The Journey

    Something that can be challenging for a man is to find joy in the mundane or in the routine. Life has a few peaks and many valleys, so a lot of the time we find ourselves on the grind.

    The grind can feel exhausting, but it’s while on the grind that we discover a lot about ourselves. It’s here where we find our purpose and meaning.

    As we embrace the fact that character is built through struggle, we begin to find joy. As we begin to find joy, we start to look forward to what lies before us, and we become grateful for it.

    In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan and Brad discuss the concept of learning to find joy in the journey. Dan shares his current experience of putting together a home gym and how the various struggles he’s run into have become challenges he has looked forward to overcoming, while Brad discusses his long-standing challenge of becoming proficient at jiu-jitsu. The guys also discuss why finding joy in their journey has made them better men and how you can find the same.

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    UM 080: Win, Or At Least Don't Lose

    UM 080: Win, Or At Least Don't Lose

    We all want to win. Not only that, but we want to win big. The reality is that we very rarely win big, and there are days when we must do everything in our power just to cross the finish line.

    The thing we can’t do, however, is lose. We often let go of the rope and allow ourselves to lose. Whether it’s with our diets, our relationships, or our careers, we simply concede defeat and fail hard.

    Life rarely goes as planned. Adversity awaits around every turn, and wins are much harder to come by when things don’t go according to plan. As Rocky Balboa said, “Life ain’t about how hard you can hit; it’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward.” We must choose to keep moving forward, regardless of what gets thrown at us.

    In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan and Brad discuss why it’s vital for us not to lose, even in situations where we can’t win. They get into an in-depth conversation on why you can’t keep putting off winning until tomorrow and how, eventually, those tomorrows will be gone, and you will only have yourself to blame.

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    UM 079: The Masks We Wear As Men

    UM 079: The Masks We Wear As Men

    Mask – a covering for all or part of the face, worn as a disguise, or to amuse or terrify other people

    As men, we all too often put on masks, whether it is as simple as telling everyone that we’re “fine” when we clearly aren’t or putting on a façade for others.

     We all too often put on these masks to hide. We are afraid, ashamed, embarrassed, or too proud to admit that we aren’t fine, and the choice to simply hide can prove to be destructive.

    As men, we need to learn to push past saying we are “fine” and allow ourselves to open up and lean into our band of brothers.

    In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan and Brad dive into the masks we wear as men and tackle why we do it. They share insight on why learning to take the mask off, while intimidating, helps liberate a man and provides some actionable tips on how to open up, let your guard down, and share what is going on in your life with the men around you.

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    UM 078: AMA - August 2023

    UM 078: AMA - August 2023

    Ask – Say something in order to obtain an answer or some information.

    In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan and Brad field questions from listeners in their monthly ASK ME ANYTHING. If you have any questions you would like to ask the guys in a future AMA, post them on Instagram (@untamingmasculinity) or in the Untaming Masculinity Facebook Group.

    Show Highlights

    • How do you push past fear that seems overwhelming?
    • What can you do to motivate someone who doesn’t seem to care?
    • What’s one lesson you wished you had learned sooner that would have saved you a lot of trouble?

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    UM 077: Patience Is Concentrated Strength

    UM 077: Patience Is Concentrated Strength

    Patience – the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.

    All too often, we find ourselves getting impatient not only with ourselves but with others. Whether we become impatient with our kids or co-workers, or because we cannot hit that PR at the gym as quickly as we want, we often allow impatience to control us. As an old Chinese proverb says, “One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.”

    While we want things done our way, right now, life doesn’t work that way. As Bruce Lee once said, “Patience is not passive; on the contrary, it is concentrated strength.” While impatience lacks mental strength, the ability to learn patience, while difficult, is one of the most rewarding things a man can achieve.

    In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan and Brad discuss the topic of patience and how they’ve learned to develop it. They discuss various personal and professional situations where they showed impatience and learned valuable lessons along the way. They also dive into how we can develop the strength to be more patient both with ourselves and others. They discuss the importance of understanding that getting where you want takes reps and practice, both of which require time, patience, and discipline. The guys also provide tips to help answer the question, “How can we develop the strength to be more patient?”

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    UM 076: REPLAY - Victor Over Victim - A Conversation With Ben Kjar

    UM 076: REPLAY - Victor Over Victim - A Conversation With Ben Kjar

    This week we revisit one of our favorite episodes – a deep, insightful conversation with our friend Ben Kjar where we discuss overcoming adversity and the power of a positive mindset. We hope you enjoy it and look forward to new episodes next week!

    We are not victims. In a world where too many people use victimhood as a badge of honor, it’s the men who do not allow themselves to play the victim card who ultimately achieve victory.

    In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, the guys are joined by Ben Kjar. Ben was born with Crouzon’s syndrome, which is a craniofacial anomaly. As a boy, doctors told him he would live a different life, but he did not allow that to define him.
    Ben has gone on to become an NCAA Division 1 Wrestling All-American, a highly successful real estate investor, a house flipper, and an international professional speaker. Most importantly, he has also become a husband and a father of three young children. He has adopted a Victor Over Victim mindset throughout his life and shared this message worldwide.

    In this inspiring, fiery conversation, Ben discusses how his mindset was forged at a young age by a loving mother who would not allow him to feel sorry for himself. He discusses how this has led him to consciously decide to look at himself in the mirror daily and be proud of the man staring back at him.

    Ben talks about understanding his core values, which he calls his 6 F’s (you’ll have to listen to learn all six!). He goes into how these 6 F’s have developed his mindset to enrich his life and allowed him to positively impact countless others positively.

    This is the story of a man who decided not to allow what may have seemed to be an unfair hand to derail him but rather to springboard him to an abundant, successful life.

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    UM 075: Failure Is Necessary

    UM 075: Failure Is Necessary

    We all have failed at something. We have failed at a lot of things. We fail constantly. Regardless of our circumstances, we all can look back at a history of failure.

    However, even though we all fail, we have been told that failure is wrong and that “failure is not an option.” We have been conditioned to believe that failing at something makes you a failure.

    The fact is that failure is necessary, and it is good. Failure is an opportunity to learn, grow, and progress. We cannot become the men we strive to become without experiencing and learning from failure. Failure allows us to iterate, to learn, and to course correct. It helps us understand and genuinely appreciate our triumphs.

    In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan and Brad discuss failure and why we need to fail. They recount examples where they failed and how that failure allowed them to achieve victory. They also talk about why you should not be afraid of failing and how failing will help you become a stronger, more capable man.

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    UM 074: How Do You Overcome Initial Inertia?

    UM 074: How Do You Overcome Initial Inertia?

    Inertia – 1. a tendency to do nothing or to remain unchanged; 2. a property of matter by which it continues in its existing state of rest or uniform motion in a straight line, unless that state is changed by an external force.

    We, as men, can often find ourselves in a state of inertia. Whether it’s due to sitting on the couch for the last few years or being unhappy through constant poor choices, we often find ourselves in a state of inertia.

    We must make a decision to do something about it. We must be willing to push past the fear and pride that don’t want us to get started. The pride of dwelling on who we once were interfering with us working to become what we can be or being afraid to take the first step in repairing your marriage is destructive. If you are unwilling to do something about it, you will stay exactly where you are. You will suffer.

    Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.
    ARTHUR ASHE


    Starting somewhere can be difficult. But it is absolutely necessary.

    In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan and Brad discuss the concept of initial inertia and starting from where you are. They both discuss situations from their past they learned to work through and how doing so made them better men and happier men. Also, Dan makes an impassioned plea to men to learn to be happy for themselves, which will, in turn, benefit the lives of those around them.

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    UM 073: A Fireside Chat About The Pemi Loop

    UM 073: A Fireside Chat About The Pemi Loop

    In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan has a fireside discussion with our friends Andy Musser and Jake Everett about their backpacking adventure attempting the Pemi Loop in the White Mountains of New Hampshire.

    The trip quickly went sideways with adverse weather conditions, and the guys share their experiences of what they experienced together, setting out on this challenging adventure. They found themselves in a near hypothermic downpour and spent a bone-chillingly frigid night in a wooden shelter. Despite some minor injuries along the way, they accomplished something incredible together as men and brothers.

     They close out this fascinating discussion by discussing some incredible lessons they learned about Mother Nature, themselves, and what men are capable of. 

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    UM 072: Plan Your Next Adventure Immediately!

    UM 072: Plan Your Next Adventure Immediately!

    Adventure – an unusual and exciting, typically hazardous, experience or activity

    We often discuss the need for adventure and doing hard things, especially physically. A complacent, comfortable man is rarely a man who is thriving in his marriage, his career, or his life.

    As Matt Reynolds discussed in our conversation with him, a man needs voluntary hardship. Choosing hardship in the physical realm is one of the catalysts to a successful man, and furthermore, hardship with your brothers is something that defines a man and something he will look back on fondly.

    As we take time to plan adventures that introduce a level of hardship, risk, and adventure, we learn something about ourselves that will help forge our legacy.

    In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan and Brad discuss Dan’s upcoming backpacking trip in the White Mountains of New Hampshire and how Dan mentally and physically prepared himself for the adventure. The guys also spend some time talking about how taking risks and seeking adventure are not only important for a man but vital.

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    UM 071: Choosing Voluntary Hardship With Matt Reynolds

    UM 071: Choosing Voluntary Hardship With Matt Reynolds

    Hardship – severe suffering or privation

    We here at Untaming Masculinity find ourselves talking about training and working out a lot. Men who work out and lift heavy things tend to accomplish a great deal, and there is a correlation between lifting and masculinity.

    The question, therefore, becomes why working out and lifting weights pay so many dividends. How can lifting and barbell training not only make you a more capable man but a better one?

    In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan and Brad have the pleasure of being joined by Matt Reynolds. Matt is the founder and CEO of Barbell Logic, an elite-level powerlifter and professional strongman. In this hard-hitting and incredibly powerful interview, Matt talks about how he got started in the fitness industry, and how he transitioned from a powerlifter to a strength coach to a CEO, and the many lessons he has learned along the way.

    He shares the story of how lifting weights helped his body transform physically and how the mental and emotional changes he saw were revolutionary. Consistent barbell training resulted in a confidence that allowed him to carry himself well and how he’s helped guide the thousands of people he has helped since.

    The guys also dive into the concept of the value of strength training and how that shapes our masculine identities. We have a calling as men to be masculine. We are called to be strong. We need to be strong enough to handle what life throws at us.

    You will leave this episode motivated and inspired to be a better, more capable man.

    SHOW HIGHLIGHTS

    • “Voluntary hardship” makes you better.
    • The days that shape your masculinity and identity are when you get up, don’t have it, or don’t want to work.
    • Choosing to find a way or make one.
    • Being a father to daughters and how we are the lens through which our daughters view the world.
    • Choosing motivation and making the choice to act NOW.
    • Strength training helps supplement us when it comes to protecting and providing.

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    CONTACT MATT

    CONTACT BARBELL LOGIC

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    UM 070: Barbecue Brings Folks Together With James Percival

    UM 070: Barbecue Brings Folks Together With James Percival

    Barbecue – a meal or gathering at which meat, fish, or other food is cooked out of doors on a rack over an open fire or on a portable grill

    Sometimes we must hit rock bottom to realize that we must change our lives. For some of us, rock bottom literally comes at the bottom of a pile getting wailed on.

    In these moments of fear, we have to make a decision. Will we continue living the directionless life that got us there, or will we take the necessary steps to become the men we are destined to be?

    In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan and Brad are joined by their friend James Percival. James is a husband, a team leader in the Iron Council, and the owner of Percy’s Barbecue. In this powerful conversation, James discusses life in a motorcycle club and his decision to change his life and focus on serving others through faith, example, and good barbecue.

    James shares some powerful examples of why barbecue brings folks together and how men sitting shoulder to shoulder at a dinner table, in a hunting blind, or at church leads to powerful conversation. He also discusses how men often run from these powerful conversations and why opening up to other men and seeing that you aren’t alone in your struggles is life-changing.

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    UM 069: Why A Man Must Romance His Woman

    UM 069: Why A Man Must Romance His Woman

    Romance – to try to influence or curry favor with especially by lavishing personal attention, gifts, or flattery

    One of the things that many men struggle with is the ability to romance their woman in a way that is meaningful to her and to restore romance to their relationship.

    As John Eldridge clearly outlines in his seminal work “Wild At Heart,” every man needs a beauty to rescue. Learning to fight for the Beauty is not only one of man’s core passions, it is one of life’s greatest joys.

    However, the key to romancing your woman is not putting her on a pedestal or being subservient to her. It’s a natural give and take in serving each other, not because you’re compelled to, but because you want to. It’s learning not to give to get or to fall into covert contracts.

    In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan and Brad discuss how you can create a dynamic, thriving romantic relationship with the woman in your life. They share insights (and mistakes) made along the way and why learning to truly give and show affection in a way that is meaningful to her makes all the difference.

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    UM 068: Life Happens In The Middle - A Conversation With Ryan Murray

    UM 068: Life Happens In The Middle - A Conversation With Ryan Murray

    Life – the condition that distinguishes animals and plants from inorganic matter, including the capacity for growth, reproduction, functional activity, and continual change preceding death

    Many men have thought about hiring a personal trainer or a coach to dial in their nutrition or step it up in the gym. However, the benefits of hiring a coach go well beyond the gym and the kitchen.

    Simply making the effort to go to the gym or eat well isn’t hard. However, executing on that requires resiliency and consistent execution. It requires diving into your psyche and making changes. While we may think we can do this on our own, we often need someone to help us get the ball rolling.

    In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan and Brad are joined by their friend Ryan Murray. Ryan is an online fitness and nutrition coach who owns Uplift Coaching, which started in 2021. In this wide-ranging conversation, Ryan talks about how he transformed himself from a man struggling with depression and anxiety to one who created a business to improve the lives of others.

    Ryan discusses the concept that when a man goes to the gym, he sets out to pick up heavy stuff and put it down repeatedly. With that, you turn your mind off but think about everything simultaneously, and the results are freeing.

    As you do the things that most men are not doing today, you will find yourself.

    Other topics discussed include:

    • Why a man must make his health a priority
    • How life is a series of failures, we learn from
    • The concept that life happens in the middle

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    UM 067: REPLAY – Unlocking Your Personal Code of Conduct

    UM 067: REPLAY – Unlocking Your Personal Code of Conduct

    Code of Conduct – a set of rules outlining the norms, rules, and responsibilities or proper practices of an individual party or an organization.

    This week we revisit one of our favorite episodes – a deep dive into creating your own personal code of conduct. We hope you enjoy it and look forward to new episodes next week!

    Too many men wander aimlessly through life without a direction or without the focus needed to become what they are meant to truly become. That lack of direction can have devastating effects.

    Learning focus and direction comes from understanding who you are and what you’re all about. That understanding is obtained through establishing terms of engagement for yourself in any circumstance, or in other words, a code.

    As Jocko so succinctly states in The Code. The Evaluation. The Protocols: “We can prevail over mediocracy. We do that by chasing the ideal. Our ideal. An ideal that we must define. An ideal that we must codify in no uncertain terms so that we know what we are striving for. We must have a code to follow.”

    In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan and Brad take a look into what it means to create a code for yourself and why having one is so crucial.

    A code should speak to your soul and compels you to action, so as a result, it is intensely personal. It should not be taken lightly and deserves real time and investment in creating.

    The guys share some tips on creating a code for yourself, writing one out, and making the conscious decision to live by this code every single day, no matter the circumstances. They also end the episode by sharing their personal codes of conduct, which provide them with the direction and clarity they need daily.

    Show Notes

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    UM 066: The Freeing Power of the Eisenhower Matrix

    UM 066: The Freeing Power of the Eisenhower Matrix

    Prioritization – the action or process of deciding the relative importance or urgency of a thing or things.

    Life is busy. We find ourselves being hit from multiple angles with various tasks with varying degrees of urgency. Keeping all of these tasks organized and prioritized can be a challenge. While many tools and resources have been developed to help us stay on task, few are more well-known than the Eisenhower Matrix.

    The Eisenhower Matrix is a tool that originated with President Dwight D. Eisenhower, which he designed to help him prioritize and deal with the many issues he dealt with as an Army general, the commander of NATO, and ultimately, as President of the United States. It’s a simple matrix with importance on the y-axis and urgency on the x-axis, yielding powerful results.

    In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan and Brad discuss how utilizing the Eisenhower matrix has helped them stay on top of tasks and commitments. They also talk about how you can distinguish between what is urgent and important and why learning to see the bigger picture is critical when handling what comes next. They share examples and tactics to help you personally and professionally and explain why the secret to success stems from learning how to delegate.

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    UM 065: AMA - May 2023

    UM 065: AMA - May 2023

    Ask – Say something in order to obtain an answer or some information.

    In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan and Brad field questions from listeners in their monthly ASK ME ANYTHING. If you have any questions you would like to ask the guys in a future AMA, post them on Instagram (@untamingmasculinity) or in the Untaming Masculinity Facebook Group.

    Show Highlights

    • As men, most of us have pain and trauma that helped shape us into who we are now. How do we handle that pain?
    • What advice would you give a new dad?
    • How do you handle a dominating or domineering parent?

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