am radio

My bestie and former roomie from Karratha, Lisa (aka Boofie, which is short for bouffant, because in 1990 Lisa had a news reading demo video where the cameraman actually cut the top of her head off, and when she showed it to me I asked her "what was out of shot, a bouffant?". Then Boofie became Lisa's nickname because apparently EVERYONE I met had to be given a stupid nickname by teenage me...grrr but also hehe) anyway Boofie returns for this episode which is filled with everything from screaming parrots and airline traffic, to more behind the scenes gossip about Lisa's time interviewing Barnesy with my guest from Episode 28, Jonesy. If you've heard that episode, you'll remember Jonesy saying he'd encouraged Lisa not to wear a short skirt to that Jimmy Barnes interview, which Lisa confirms and then reveals more hilarity I'd never heard before. Also coming up in this episode, Bradley comes to say goodbye, but where is he going, and who even is he, and why don’t I remember any of those things? Teenage me also gets sold out by an office snitch and then I get a lecture on my taste in music, I also wash my clothes for the first time since my Mum left, which is kinda gross. There's excitement when I request a 2 week holiday from my boss Neville for November, and naturally I decide to go on a diet AGAIN. I also see a bunch more movies and actually enjoy doing a few live crosses to interview recreational fishers in a fishing competition, who even am I? Anyway there's a lot to process once again, plus you'll also get a bonus story from my early teenage years revealing how devoted to lip syncing I was, well before RuPaul delivered us Drag Race, thankfully there is no footage, just the memories of those that managed to witness the extravaganza and me obviously hehe.

You're about to dive into a week of diary entries which ultimately record a moment that changed my life FOREVER! Those capital letters are warranted because this will be the week that a then 20 year old me will be introduced to the destroyer of lives, creator of vomit, inducer of sassy regretful remarks...a plastic garbage bin filled with party punch. This brutal yet beguiling concoction apparently required the opening of a few tins of bog standard fruit salad, then leaving it to stew in tequila FOR 3 DAYS!!! By the time I rocked up to the party, having helped myself settle in by annihilating half a bottle of vodka. So by the time I discovered the party punch, it would seem I was totes down with actually fisting handfuls of tequila soaked fruity mush into my face hole, so much so that I turned my face hole into an explosive vomit hole instead. It's a foggy memory, so I can't be sure if it's true, but I'm pretty sure that explosive vomit happened as I stood amongst a loose circle of 20-30 people I didn't really know, all grouped around a bin fire, exchanging party pleasantries. So it's safe to say I probably ruined that comfy gather round a bin fire vibe hehe. To help me work through that, Brendan 'Jonesy' Jones and his wife Helen are back, they're my besties and former roomies from 1990 in Karratha. Together we'll work through upchuck central, plus diary entries recording the return of my depression once my mum and little bro are no longer around, but a special phone call helps reduce the meh feels. I’ve also had just about enough of a workmates bitching, moaning and complaining, so naturally I bitch, moan and complain about it in my diary. So it's same, same but the difference is I'm completely ignorant to my own hypocrisy. Also technology arrives into my radio world as computers start featuring in my daily work life and of course there's me being introduced to my first ever non alcohol tasting punch and it’s an actual disasteeeerrr, so get ready to get queasy, as we delve into the origin of me losing any interest in having abundant alcohol ever again.

There's LOTS of things you learn about yourself by keeping a diary, especially one like mine, for instance, teenage me chose to record for future posterity that I just casually dropped my guts after falling asleep, whilst at the drive in, WITH my Mum, my little brother and my roomie, inside a small hatchback, IT'S A LOT TO PROCESS for me, how you feeling about it? This is a revelation I'd never have to relive if I hadn't kept this diary, I would have been lost to the wind, with all the other non eventful and totally forgotten bottom burps I've delivered so far. Thankfully I also recorded actual interesting information, like the arrival of my Mum Anne, and my little brother Tom. In 1989 they actually willingly climbed onto a bus to endure a journey all the way from Adelaide to Karratha, just so they could spend two weeks with me as I celebrated my 20th birthday, hectic AF. Once they get to town, we’ll do some touristy things together, watch a lot of television, and my depression kicks in again without any explains, but my mum will fix it with an early birthday surprise that turns my frown, into a less self absorbed resting bitch face probably. Obviously it would be stupid to work through all of those diary entries without my Mum and little brother, especially because they were actually there to endure some of it, luckily I managed to convince them both to a Group FaceTime to get this episode, and the next one done with their added thoughts and memories. Spoiler alert, none of us remember much, maybe it's a family trait. Speaking of family traits, that reference to my tummy shame in a confined vehicle, that also inspires a rather deep question from my brother Tom, and some equally flippant comments from my mother, so prepare for an insight into how the Wasley family works, or at the very least you'll learn how gassy we are.

My bestie MJ, aka Mary the 14 year old babysitter we first met in Episode 7, is back for another week of diary entries. She's returning to the podcast because on this week, back in 1989, she was doing work experience at my employer 6KA. While she's being diligent and focussed on a career, (so much so that I'll mention her devotion in a job reference I would write for her in the 90's, you'll get to hear that in this episode) anyway while she's all focussed and totes business, it would seem that teenage me's current obsession is whipping up CV's and trying to get a new job. The fact that I've only had this radio gig for 25 weeks isn't lost on me, but I think back then that was the vibe, you'd get your first regional job and then you'd work hard to move up the chain of radio stations, all the time trying to make your big move to one of the capital cities. For me that would end up taking three years, but in the meantime 19 year old me isn't really worthy of a new gig just yet. As if to prove that, I'll go on to deliver a bloody awful on air shift, mostly thanks to a hideous hangover. I’ll also reuse a lame joke in my diary again and talk myself and my talents up like only a teenager can do, as in without any proof, skill or clue, but thinking that teenage me is fully onto it. Plus I get my thespian on and go to the theatre and manage to meet another celebrity from the halls of Prisoner and Cell Block H fame, who knew so many of them would tour the Pilbara in 1989.

When I was a teenager, I was convinced that being gay was a phase you eventually grow out of, mostly because I read in a Cleo or Cosmo magazine something about how it wasn't unusual for teenagers to experiment in their teens. I never bothered to experiment though, in fact the thought of having sex actually terrified me. So instead I just lusted for men in secret, all alone in my bedroom, hoping I could change my mindset one day. I was also hoping no one walked in on me when I was alone in said bedroom with just my own hands to entertain me...too much? Anyway, into my sheltered teenage life wandered Natalie, who in 1989 worked behind the counter of the only shop in Karratha that sold Jag Men clothing, and it would seem I have a history of befriending people who take large sums of money off me for clothing...who knew? Thankfully our friendship progressed beyond retail transactions, which is why she's still one of my besties today, and also happy to help me wade through another weeks worth of spectacular diarised teenage nonsense. So expect some hard truths about how hideously straight I was pretending to be, who else shopped in my favourite Karratha based clothing store and what they were buying, plus an all too brief celebration of 80's Australian comedy show The Big Gig. We'll also work through diary entries about Cyndy and I getting all deep and meaningful and having a huge talk about our futures, our childhoods, love (doubt I had much to say there hehe), the world, war and sooo many other things that teenagers have no idea about, but think they’re total experts on. I also get some feedback from my program director Richie, where he describes my on air talents so far by using words like “funny”, “idiot” and ‘think very carefully” so it's a safe bet that the 19 year old version of me is screwed. I also apparently watch a lot of television, well duh, and meet Kevin Bloody Wilson, so peak 80’s Australian realness will be reached. So settle in for a deep dive into how a woman with a finely tuned gaydar could spend so much time with me, and still have none of her 'he likes the peen' alarms actually go off. Apparently teenage me was so good at pretending to be heterosexual, that Natalie would actually laugh in my face and think I was joking when I finally came out to her 7 years later, true story, which we will also cover off on this podcast. It's a hefty listen oh and also I was probably the Meryl Streep of radio, is there an Oscar award for that?

Reading entries from a diary I kept in 1989, is just like having an analog Time Machine, so it's almost exactly like what Doc and Marty went through in Back To The Future, but without the risk of sourcing plutonium from Libyan terrorists, or the expensive time travelling DeLorean, or anything else that happened in that movie. However my parents are way cooler than Marty's ever were, even though he managed to fix their future and make them wealthier and cooler. Anyway, now that we've established that, it's clear to me that Anne and Graham (Grannie Annie and Popeye as they are now referenced by my nieces and nephews) are without a doubt my original besties, so it just made sense to invite them to help me with this podcast by having them appear on Episode One. They were there to witness me fall in love with radio, they helped finance my 15 week radio course, and they were at the airport to farewell me back in 1989 to kickstart my journey to becoming a proper radio announcer. The response I've gotten from their appearance in Episode One has been overwhelmingly positive, so it figures I would try and get them to appear on another episode with me. Thankfully this time it didn't take 15 to 20 minutes to get them assembled and focussed before we could record, they're clearly getting skilled at this. They're also not afraid to take the piss out of me, after all, I had to learn it from somewhere right? Coming up in this episode, they'll scoff at my teenage commitment to a new diet, mostly because it's not very diet-y at all, and my mother clearly wishes I was still on some kind of diet. There’s also diary entries about a big radio announcers meeting for me to attend, my Mum has to relive a moment when she'd had a crappy day and tried to hide how upset she was from me. I also find out I share the same birthday with one of my co-workers and totally flip out, my pay packets continue to be disappointing, which is all my Dad needs to have a subtle dig at the crappy salaries I've had to endure over 30 years of radio employment. I also get a huge serve from my mother when she flags just how up myself my dairy entries make me sound, it's absolutely hilarious and not soul destroying at all hehe. So press play and pretend the Flux Capacitor is effortlessly sending you back to the sweaty hell of my teenage bedroom in Karratha, as I toil over another weeks worth of dairy entires, just for us to mock and ridicule here in present day wherever you are right now.

This episode is actually one diary entry short because our previous episode covered off Saturday and Sunday in one semi enthralling cyclone related posting. Some might suggest that one less diary entry is a blessing, and if they did...then how very dare they. Thankfully I've roped in a friend of mine with a crystal clear memory and an ability to chat to help me pad out this episode, so expect a longer intro, with lots of Karratha soaked memories within. My bestie Lisa (aka Boofie, that nickname gets explained in this podcast) and I worked together in Karratha in 1990, so she wasn't around for any of these diary entries, but she certainly has some vivid recollections to reveal from her time there the following year. Inside there’s after the arrival of Cyclone Orson to deal with, I finally get a day off and some much needed sleep. Naturally all of my overtime disappears thanks to the tax department, but I actually manage to surprise myself by doing some talk breaks that make me feel almost professional, but I’m still mostly crap. However teenage me has got a plan on how to fix that and it's as lazy as you’d expect, I'll also seem to miss the point of messing around in an on air studio. There's also more embarrassing spelling mistakes from back then and right now for me to reveal as well. So settle in for another skim across the surface of my teenage memoirs.

Okay so it's actually called a cyclone in Australia, but as if I'm not going to reference that hilarious scene in the the 1980 film Flying High (or Airplane as it was called in some countries), if you haven't seen it, you probably should, it's ridiculous and full of Dad jokes, but when I was 11 it was the funniest thing I'd ever seen. Anyway, in this episode my bestie MJ, the former 14 year old babysitter Mary from week seven of the diary, returns to help me work through another week of diarised dross. Together we'll work our way through the lead up to the arrival of what would prove to be the 4th biggest cyclone to ever hit Australian shores. You'll witness teenage me pretending to be totes heterosexual on a number of occasions. I was fully closeted and hoping that my deep desire for wanting some wang, was just a phase that I would soon grow out of, so maintaining the illusion of me being keen on lady love clearly must be maintained. I’ll also finally meet my radio roomie Mark, but his aversion to being around when I expect him to be somewhere will continues. Plus I’ll get my Helen Hunt on but there won't be any cows flying by, instead I’ll experience what it’s like to be inside a radio station for 24 hours when Cyclone Orson hits the Pilbara. I fully pretend to be cool about it but inside I'll be squealing in utter terror. So grab your headphones and press play on this episode but just make sure you prepare yourself for the most underwhelming natural disaster story ever told.

Coming up in this episode, my bestie Retna is back to help me navigate another seven days worth of largely useless diary entries. All of which seem to be mostly mundane, but also strangely meticulous in their obsession with recording the exact time pointless events in my teenage life happened. Together we'll try and work out what's going on with the weather in Amsterdam, reveal the inner workings of gifting things to people in the media, and try and work out what happened to one of my guests, 31 years after I interviewed her. There's also an invite from Bradley to accept, which sees me heading over to meet his family over a BBQ dinner. That's not the end of it either, Bradley and I also go out to dinner for a free feed, after I casually accept a bribe from a local restaurant to mention them on air. So clearly teenage me had no qualms about working the system in return for a chance to stuff my face. I get to interview someone with an actual PHD who’s written a book called 'When Am I Going To Be Happy'. Why she'd be wasting her time chatting to 19 year old me is beyond comprehension, but its a safe bet that the hustle to sell a book in 1989 must have been unbearable. It also becomes clear reading a book about being happy, doesn't necessarily mean I'll learn anything because I also get stroppy with the demands of one of my other guests. There's also the arrival of my brand new radio roomie to prepare for, so settle in for another episode of teenage stupidity, peppered with sassy asides and moments of complete ignorance from teenage me and current me.