assertiveness

We’ve been told since we were little kids to “Be nice.”
But what if being nice isn’t really that good and it’s making you and those around you miserable?
That’s the provocative argument my guest today makes. His name is Dr. Aziz Gazipura. He's a psychologist and founder of the Social Confidence Center. In his latest book, Not Nice, he makes the case that being nice is holding a lot of men back in their lives.
We begin the show by talking about what people think “nice” means, but how it usually plays out in reality. Dr. Aziz then digs into the issues that pop up over and over again in the lives of people pleasers, like anxiety, depression, anger, and resentment. We then discuss what the opposite of nice is, and no, it’s not being a complete jerk. He then shares specific tactics the chronically nice can start using today to be more assertive, like saying no without feeling guilty, getting over feeling responsible for everyone’s feelings, and stating your preferences.
If you’re a chronic nice guy, this episode is for you.
Get the full show notes at aom.is/notnice.

Our caller, Karen, has a crush on her friend. She thinks there’s a chance he likes her too, but he’s very shy. Is there a way she can test the waters without risking too much, she wonders? Absolutely! In today’s LOVE Life, I’m going to give her – and you – my #1 strategy to take a friend from a familiar context to a flirty one (aka an actual date) without ever risking rejection. Before you know it, you’ll be on the road to romance, with the Friend Zone in your rear view mirror.

There are tons of books about how to be happier, how to improve yourself, how to be less angry, etc. These books often tout things you should add to your life to get to where you want. But sometimes the best way to achieve a goal is to actually subtract something from your life, and to stop doing the things that are making you miserable.
That's the approach today's guest took in his latest book, How to Be Miserable: 40 Strategies You Already Use. His name is Randy Paterson, and he's a psychologist. Today on the show, we discuss the things he's seen with his patients -- common lifestyle choices and thinking patterns -- that make them miserable, and what you can do to eliminate those things from your life.