We discuss the fact that we are thrown so many words of advice on how to think, feel and approach things but in order to really optimise how they help us we need to understand the ‘why’. Lou says "If you’re doing something for some random reason, even if it’s helped you, you may not ever return to it again. But if you see it within the bigger picture it’s another matter entirely."
That you don’t need to be a neuroscientist to understand the basic structure of the brain in a way that’s helpful (with a word of warning – do take your advice from people who actually know what they’re talking about). We explore Dr. Russ Harris’s approach and talk about how to go about knowing more about the functioning of the brain. I love that Harris describes our brain as a ‘don’t get killed device.’
That one of the biggest misconceptions about the brain is that we can control our thoughts and what we’re feeling - but we can’t. Without even realising it we are brought up to believe that we can – and should be able to control our thoughts and feelings e.g. don’t cry, pull yourself together, don’t be scared. There are some things we can control but this requires a nuanced understanding.
Distinguishing between which of the stories that your brain tells you on a continual loop are actually helpful and which to disregard. As Harris says our thoughts are "like a radio that never stops broadcasting" – so it’s good to be able to distinguish between different types.
Also learning that thoughts and feelings are a bit like songs you don’t like on the radio. It’s best to accept that the song you don’t like will pass and that the best thing to do in the meantime is concentrate on what you’re doing. Before you know it music you like will be back on again. That rather than putting effort into fighting our thoughts and emotions, learning how to observe them and let them go is far more constructive.
That while we all share the same brain structure (meaning evidence based techniques will be most helpful), you are still uniquely you. In Lou’s words “there has never been a research study on you, your brain and how you function in each of the contexts in your world.” So finding out what really works for you requires a bit of a bit of trial and error, explored in a non-judgemental way.
That we use the neocortex, the more advanced part of our brain, to try and ‘fix’ the limbic system and that just doesn’t work. Instead it gets us tied in knots.
But that ultimately it's all OK. If you know what to do and how to do it there are a load of strategies that really help. The most simple being just naming emotions (that evidence shows move us from the limbic system to the neocortex allowing us to take a step back), journaling and over the longer term building the capabilities taught in fantastic apps such as headspace.
For updates, news and info sign up to my newsletter at:
https://fionamurden.com/contact/
Or for Lou
Instagram: www.instagram.com/loupylou78
Twitter: https://twitter.com/louisejones78
Russ Harris’s books which are brilliant resources are as follows:
The Happiness Trap – How to Stop Struggling and Start Living
The Confidence Gap – From Fear to Freedom
The Reality Slap – How to Survive and Thrive When Life Hits Hard
