divorce podcast

When it comes to divorce, co-parenting and conflict, understanding the “why” behind someone's ugly behavior doesn’t provide the tools or strategies clients need to navigate dealing with these individuals. Instead, it can create mindsets that keep them stuck or even complicate the process.

They get caught in the trap of spending more time and energy trying to figure out why their partner behaves the way they do and not enough time and energy focused on how they can insulate themselves and find some peace.

Shifting roles from being someone’s spouse to being their ex is a complicated journey for most of us. Not only are our clients legally divorcing their spouse, but they also must go through the process of emotionally divorcing their spouse and that’s where some of this over-analysis originates.

In January, we held a networking event to discuss Jessica Garza’s TED Talk about emotional contagion and she introduced a strategy she calls “Ok. So What? Now What?” Listen in as we apply these 3 steps to helping clients get out of the rabbit hole of narcissism and shift the focus to peace, safety and decision making.

If you need support to navigate divorce or co-parenting with a difficult character, check out our new DCA online support groups. For just $75/month, you can meet weekly with a professional, certified divorce coach.

Learn more about DCA® or  any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

This week we had a great networking event where we discussed the popular TED Talk, "How to avoid catching prickly emotions from other people". Did you know there's a cactus nicknamed the "jumping cholla" for it's tendency to seemingly shoot cactus spines into unsuspecting passersby? 

The same thing can happen when we get too close to people having big emotions. When a spouse or co-parent is angry, hostile or negative, we can get hurt if we catch those feelings from them. Today we’re going to give you and your clients some information and tools to avoid this “jumping cholla effect” or what we call emotional contagion.

First we dig into how emotional contagion happens, where emotion comes from and how to work with clients to raise awareness about how their beliefs, expectations and even physical symptoms can contribute to this process.

Then we offer some strategies we call "bubble wrap" to provide protection from any pricks that might be flying your way. These include understanding mirror neurons; cognitive reappraisal; "OK, So what, Now What"; and of course, boundaries.

Here’s to staying safe out there.


Watch the TED Talk: Catching Prickly Emotions

Find a DCA® Divorce Coach: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com/coach-locator

Learn more about DCA® or  any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/company/divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

Hi, welcome to MediatorPodcast.com, a podcast and video series about mediation, negotiation and collaboration. My name is Melissa Gragg, and I'm a valuation expert and divorce financial mediator in St. Louis, Missouri – specializing in divorce and partner disputes. 

Today we are speaking with Victoria McCooey about Coping with Narcissistic Behavior During the Divorce Mediation Process. She is a Narcissist Divorce Coach, a Motivational Speaker and the creator of the Reclaim Your Power System™ based in New York. She helps her clients reclaim their power in order to make life-altering decisions from a place of strength instead of fear. 

Melissa Gragg  
CVA, MAFF 
Expert testimony for financial and valuation issues  
Bridge Valuation Partners, LLC  
melissa@bridgevaluation.com  
http://www.BridgeValuation.com  
http://www.ValuationPodcast.com  
http://www.MediatorPodcast.com  
https://www.valuationmediation.com  
Cell: (314) 541-8163

Victoria McCooey
Victoria@VictoriaMcCooey.com
TikTok: @VictoriaMcCooey  
https://www.victoriamccooey.com/

Have you ever wondered how to rebuild your life and finances after divorce? We're diving right into the heart of this topic with Leah Hadley, the founder of Great Lakes Investment Management and Great Lakes Divorce Financial Solutions. Leah's personal journey, from adopting a sibling group from foster care, going through a divorce, to launching two successful businesses, is the epitome of resilience and determination. Her story is a testament to the power of financial literacy and the role it plays in achieving peace of mind.

During our discussion, Leah opens up about the challenges she faced while creating her successful business empire and how she turned these obstacles into stepping stones. She shares insights into understanding the value of one's services, acknowledging personal shortcomings, and the importance of receiving the right coaching. With a unique approach to the financial world, Leah has tailored her services to meet people where they are, making finance more accessible and understandable.

Leah shares the common financial mistakes people make during divorce and provides guidance on how to avoid them. Leah emphasizes the importance of stepping outside your comfort zone, expanding your knowledge base, and understanding the financial risks associated with settlement agreements. We wrap up with some valuable tips on building financial confidence  after divorce.

Find out more about Leah:
Great Lakes Divorce Financial Solutions
Great Lakes Investment Management
Click here for Leah's upcoming workshop
Join Leah Hadley's Facebook Group
Follow Leah Hadley on IG

To schedule your complimentary consult with Karin click here.

Make sure to follow and rate the podcast on your favorite podcasting app.

For more information and full show notes go to:
https://www.karinnelsoncoaching.com/post/ep134

Ready to navigate the complexities of divorce with more peace and clarity than you ever thought possible? Join me for part one of my amazing conversation with Lauren Fair, a family law attorney, certified divorce coach, and master certified life coach, who'll enlighten us on the immense benefits of resolving divorce issues outside the courtroom. Lauren not only clarifies the distinct roles of a divorce coach and a grief coach but also highlights how each can provide invaluable support during this challenging life transition.

My conversation with Lauren delves into the realm of alternative approaches to the divorce process. We discuss the power of a divorce coach in helping individuals uncover their long-term goals and make thoughtful decisions that echo their needs. Together, we unravel the potential of mediation, and how the American Bar Association recognizes mediating with a divorce coach as a viable alternative. We stress the importance of understanding the various divorce procedures available, their associated costs, and respective advantages and disadvantages.

Lauren also shares her insights on how divorce coaching can be a powerful tool in conflict management, fostering efficient communication skills, and creating a structure to navigate conflict throughout the divorce journey. We also touch on the relevance of emotional regulation in breaking unhealthy conflict patterns and the value of focusing on values-based decision making. With Lauren, we explore how grief coaching can help individuals engage in the divorce process in a more holistic and informed way. Lastly, we delve into the merits of one-on-one coaching for lasting change and how it can help individuals address root causes that may have led to the divorce. Join us for part one of this enlightening discussion and equip yourself with the tools to traverse the emotionally challenging terrain of divorce.

For more info about Lauren Fair click here.

Lauren Fair's Instagram.

To schedule your complimentary consult with Karin click here.

Make sure to follow and rate the podcast on your favorite podcasting app.

For more information and full show notes go to:
https://www.karinnelsoncoaching.com/post/ep131

What do trauma, religion and the system of patriarchy have in common? You'll find out in this episode.  Join me as I sit down with Lindsay Poelman, my friend, and fellow coach who helps others become trauma-informed. You'll hear Lindsay's story of checking the societal boxes of education, marriage, family, and a good job that supposedly lead to security and a happy life and then through her journey from her husband's mental breakdown to her process of self-recovery, healing, and intuitive reclamation. She imparts how a trauma-informed approach has helped her reconnect with herself and navigate the complexities of life.

Throughout our conversation we touch on trauma and grief enveloped in the lost expectation of what life should be. We also dive into high-demand/high-control religions and the system of patriarchy within those cultures touching on the internalized oppression and the revolutionary act of trusting our own knowing.

We go from discussing the importance of compassionate self-recognition to the dangers of self-gaslighting and self-denial.  We explore the importance of creating a safe space for ourselves and others. The episode closes on a note of releasing generational trauma and embracing self-acceptance and healing. Don't miss this insightful episode where Lindsay shares her incredible journey and helps us understand the importance of being trauma-informed.

Lindsay's website for more info.

Lindsay's podcast.

Lindsay's Instagram.

To schedule your complimentary consult with Karin click here.

Make sure to follow and rate the podcast on your favorite podcasting app.

For more information and full show notes go to:
https://www.karinnelsoncoaching.com/post/Trauma-Religion-and-the-System-of-Patriarchy

In previous episodes, we’ve covered conflict styles, some magic words to use in mediation and the idea of tiered proposals, but today we're talking about one the most effective negotiation strategies there is - and that’s arguing with questions.

We’ve talked before about the ineffectiveness of positional bargaining, but it’s often the only way our clients have been taught to negotiate. They make the mistake of starting off negotiations by stating their position and then proceeding to JADE (justify, argue, defend or explain) why their position is valid and their partner should agree to it. JADE-ing continues back and forth and conflict escalates until someone backs down enough to come to a compromise or they walk away and lawyer up.

But there’s another way...and it's arguing with questions. 

This is just one reason why divorce coaching can be the key to more successful negotiations. Because we have the chance to work with our clients at the individual level, we can create self-awareness. We have the chance to change those old limiting beliefs about positional bargaining. And we know that when one party shows up differently, the dance doesn’t look the same. 

Listen in as Tracy and Debra walk through these 3 tools you can use to help clients learn to argue with questions.

• Modeling
• Scripts and Vocabulary Lessons
• Role Play

Teaching your client to approach conflict with curiosity instead of justification or accusation will serve them well not only in their divorce negotiations, but in all their future relationships.


You can learn more about DCA™ or find out about any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

FREE Sept Book Club "Ask for More": Sign Up Now
Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/company/divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

As divorced women it can be challenging to find any kind of respite during our day, even if it's just for a few minutes. Well this doesn't have to be your experience any longer. Join me while I interview my guest, Jake Eagle - co-author of the book, The Power of Awe. Jake is a seasoned psychotherapist, mindfulness instructor, and fellow member trainer of the International Association of NeuroLinguistic Programming who stumbled upon an incredible discovery of The Power of Awe.

Listen in as we talk in depth about the capacity of awe to reset our nervous system, help us embrace the beauty and positivity of our world, even in the face of adversity and even help reduce inflammation. Jake will reveal his research findings and the interesting concept of micro-meditations (similar to micro-dosing but with awe), which has been proven to yield superior results than the traditional 10-minute meditation.

Jake and I also explore some how to make our relationships easier. We discuss the intriguing concept of the 'redo', a practice that encourages us to take responsibility for our own behavior and make amends promptly, fostering healthier connections.

I promise you The Power of Awe is not just another self-help theory but a practical strategy backed by research and personal experience that can change your life and relationships. Tune in and discover how The Power of Awe can support your journey to becoming a better, healthier, and happier divorced woman, 10 seconds at a time.

For more information about The Power of Awe and Jake Eagle click here.

To schedule your complimentary consult with Karin click here.

Make sure to follow and rate the podcast on your favorite podcasting app.

For more information and full show notes go to:
https://www.karinnelsoncoaching.com/post/the-power-of-awe-jake-eagle

Clients don’t always serve up their fears, goals, biases, needs, expectations, assumptions and thinking problems on a silver platter. Often they’re embedded deep inside their stories.  One of the most critical skills we develop as coaches is to hear what isn’t being said.  In today’s episode we dive into how excellent coaches train themselves to perform these Jedi mind tricks and how you can use those skills to create awareness and transformation for your client.

Why in the world are we calling these Jedi mind tricks? I mean what does Star Wars have to do with divorce coaching? What we’re actually talking about is being so connected to your client and what they’re saying to you that you’re able to use your training , discipline, and intuition to discern which clues, comments, and patterns require further exploration.

And we do that by doing 2 things consistently and doing them well - actively  listening and remaining fully present.

Listen in as we explore specific active listening skills, mindfulness techniques, and client scenarios to support you in perfecting your Jedi mind tricks.


You can learn more about DCA™ or find out about any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/company/divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

Divorce trauma is real. You often feel trapped by your past and what you once had, being triggered over and over again by photos, memories, your ex, your home, what you once had. You also feel paralyzed when you think about this future because how can you possibly move forward alone, a single mom, with less income and more uncertainty. People tell you to trust yourself. People tell you everything will be okay. People tell you to learn to love yourself. But when you go through trauma it's like there's a disconnect from yourself, and trusting yourself, knowing everything will be okay and loving yourself seem impossible to do.

Healing from trauma is where the magic happens. This is when you return to and reconnect with yourself. I'm going to teach you the four basic steps to healing from trauma so you can show up in your life with curiosity, openness, acceptance and love .

To schedule your complimentary consult with Karin click here.

Make sure to follow and rate the podcast on your favorite podcasting app.

For more information and full show notes go to:
https://www.karinnelsoncoaching.com/post/healing-from-the-trauma-of-divorce

It's gonna be OK. You're going to get through this just fine. You'll be so glad when it's over.  Focus on the good.

In today's episode, we unpack why we believe these kinds of statements aren't just ineffective from a coaching standpoint, but can actually harm clients.

 Toxic positivity is defined as the act of avoiding, suppressing, or rejecting negative emotions or experiences. This is not optimism, this is repression or denial. And when we, as coaches, reject or deny the negative feelings our clients are expressing, we block the ability for them to process the story of their divorce.

We can even take it so far as to say it can be a form of gaslighting when we deny a client's feelings. They're telling us something is hurtful or painful, and if we respond with a placating, positive statement like "you'll be fine" or "it's going to be OK", we have essentially gaslit them by denying their feelings.

Our job is to validate their feelings. To recognize their negative emotions and help them sort through them so that they can take appropriate action.  Our role is to be a coach, not a cheerleader.

Listen in for a great analogy from college football and some coaching alternatives to standard toxic positivity responses.


You can learn more about DCA™ or find out about any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/company/divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

Jessica and T.H.’s lives ran in parallel for many years. They got married together, had children together….and got divorced together. After discovering their husbands were cheating on them, and starting the divorce process at the same time, they realized that there really wasn’t a great non-partisan resource out there to dig into the nitty-gritty of divorce. Jessica and T.H. left behind their careers in marketing and television and launched the exExperts -  a resource center, community, support group and gathering space for people to help each other through one of the most arduous experiences in their lives. Plus, the Divorce Etc Podcast too. They share their story, struggles, and the joys of creating a business that builds you back up again with your best friend. The best part is they turned pain into passion in the form of exExperts that helps others on the journey of tackling divorce head on. Listen in on Shannon’s conversation with T.H. and Jessica as they spill their secrets on all things divorce on this episode of the Second Act Success Podcast. 

SHOW NOTES FOR THIS EPISODE

https://secondactsuccess.co/51

CONNECT with Jessica and T.H. of the exExperts:

Website – www.exexperts.com
Newsletter - www.exexperts.com
Facebook - exEXPERTS | Facebook
Tiktok - Exexperts (@exexperts) | TikTok
Instagram - exEXPERTS (@exexperts) • Instagram photos and videos
YouTube - exEXPERTS - YouTube
Podcast - Divorce Etc Podcast
Circles Online Group Support - https://apps.apple.com/US/app/id1540905564?mt=8
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Welcome to Friday Flip on the Becoming You Again podcast. Every Friday I take your divorce problems, conundrums and questions and do a quick flip around to empower you to show up as the best you after divorce.

Margo listens to this podcast but also wants some other recommendations of books and podcasts that have helped me through my divorce healing process.

I share with you my top 3 book recommendations and top 3 podcast recommendations that may offer you more healing, respite, connection with yourself for your overall growth and evolution after divorce.
 
For more info on how to work one on one with me go to: https://www.karinnelsoncoaching.com/

In this week's episode, Debra is joined by recent DCA™ Divorce Conflict Coaching graduates Dori Braddell and Sue Horwitz to talk about their experience in the training and how they've been able to put their new skills to use.

Dori and Sue were gracious enough to take time out of their busy schedules to discuss how they had been struggling with helping clients manage conflict, what prompted them to enroll in the course, and the biggest takeaways they got from the experience.

Both are certified divorce coaches who have significant training and experience under their belts, and yet, they were missing the science behind conflict, the specific tools to use with clients, and the confidence to lean in.

Listen in as they share what a difference conflict coaching has made in their coaching practice and for their clients. We hope you'll consider adding this speciality training to your 2023 professional development calendar.

If you'd like to be the first to know when the next session of DCA™ Divorce Conflict Coaching opens, join the wait list today.

Feel free to reach out to Dori or Sue to ask them ALL the questions about their experience in the class. Trust us, they're believers!

Get in touch with Dori:
Website: www.thedivorcementor.ca
Email: dori@thedivorcementor.ca
Instagram: @divorcementor
Facebook: @thedivorcementor
LinkedIn: Dori Braddell

Get in touch with Sue:
Website: www.suehorwitzcoaching.com
Email: sue@suehorwitz.com
Instagram: @suehorwitz
Facebook: @suehorwitzcoaching
LinkedIn: Sue Horwitz


You can learn more about DCA™ or find out about any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/company/divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

Welcome to Friday Flip on the Becoming You Again podcast. Every Friday I take your divorce problems, conundrums and questions and do a quick flip around to empower you to show up as the best you after divorce.

Tina wants answers about why her husband ended the marriage. She wants closure but he is unwilling to give it to her. Listen in as I guide Tina through a better understanding of what closure is and how we can find our way to closure without needing answers from anyone else. 
 
For more info on how to work one on one with me go to: https://www.karinnelsoncoaching.com/

Welcome to Friday Flip on the Becoming You Again podcast. Every Friday I take your divorce problems, conundrums and questions and do a quick flip around to empower you to show up as the best you after divorce.

Allyson has been working on herself and is in a different place in her life. She misses her soon to be ex husband and believes that he truly wants to change. Listen in as I answer Allyson's question on whether or not she should go back to her relationship with him, and how she can make this decision from a place of power and intention.

For more info on how to work one on one with me go to: https://www.karinnelsoncoaching.com/

When journalist Ilyssa Panitz went through her divorce, she had no idea what to expect.  It was as if lawyers and judges were speaking a different language.  At one point, the judge asked her if she understood what was happening, and she could  barely answer him.  She went to media, she went to Google.  And she could not find a journalist that was distilling down topics around divorce. so that everyday people could understand.  Like many of us, she reinvented herself during COVID, and became a divorce journalist.

Ilyssa believes knowledge is empowering.  By translating the complex language of divorce through her columns, radio show, and podcast, she helps people going through the divorce process understand topics.  They feel empowered and prepared to answer questions.

Ilyssa explains why the first step to take when getting a divorce is not to find a good attorney, it's to get on top of your finances.  That's where a CDFA, or Certified Divorce Financial Analyst.

Today's guest wants you to learn from her mistakes.  She'll feel successful if her errors can help others from making the same ones.  As she says, she wants you to survive and thrive.

Ilyssa explains she's not your divorce attorney, CPA, or PhD.  She's your "Waze," your "GPS" through the process.   And it really came full circle for her with both of her kids.  When they had friends going through divorce, they came to their Mom, because she helps people through this process.

To connect with Ilyssa, her articles, her shows, and more, find her at https://www.ilyssapanitz.com/

Need help with your financial future?  Learn more about Paula and her work at PaulaChristine.com or send her an email: Paula@PaualChristine.com

___

Reach Paula at paula@paulachristine.com or through her website, paulachristine.com.

Interpersonal conflict is a part of our everyday lives, but divorce can magnify any conflict that already existed in the marriage. Tracy refers to divorce as a conflict petri dish.

In today's episode, we talk about how getting additional training to become a conflict resolution expert can provide your clients with even more tools and skills to manage conflict during divorce and beyond.

Families spend an exorbitant amount of money on divorce because the process is unfamiliar (read scary) and they don't have the skills necessary to engage in productive conflict and negotiation. We believe highly skilled divorce coaches can change that.

Although most divorce coach training programs introduce the concepts of conflict resolution, our 6-week DCA™ Divorce Conflict Coach training offers the next level of expertise you need to truly help clients make that shift. Debra gives a sneak peek into the upcoming class by sharing some of the goals for working with clients in conflict and a few of the characters you'll meet in class (you'll love Raging Regina, Clueless Carl and the rest of the bunch).

The 5 C's of conflict coaching are:

- Clarity
- Comprehension
- Choices
- Confidence
- Competence

The next session begins August 25 and we hope you'll consider adding this specialty to your divorce coaching practice. You'll get some cool letters after your name and your clients will get better outcomes. And those are both good for your business.


You can learn more about DCA™ or find out about any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

DCA™ Divorce Conflict Coach Training: https://www.divorcecoachesacademy.com/courses/divorce-conflict-coach-aug-2022

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/company/divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

As divorce coaches, we want our clients to have a better divorce experience.  But when does that desire cross the line from supporting our client to feeling the need to save our client? Today's episode is a reminder that we serve our clients best when we stay neutral and allow them to choose their own path and make their own decisions.

We talk a little about the difference between sympathy and empathy and how sympathy pulls us into judgement, the need to give opinions, problem solving, and the urge to "save" clients from their own choices. While empathy allows us to feel what the client feels but still sit in the neutral, supportive space.

Are you tempted to put on your cape and be a superhero for your client? The simple statement "It's going to be OK" can be an indicator that you're stepping into that role. If you find yourself using phrases like "I think", "You need to", "You should", and "Have you considered" you may be trying to direct your client toward the solutions you think are best.

When we block our own curiosity, we block the client's opportunity to discover their own solutions. They're also left at the end of their divorce without knowing that they have the skills, power and agency to make good decisions going forward.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.

You can learn more about DCA™ or find out about any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/company/divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

It happens. You begin coaching a client and ... uh oh ... it's just not working. If you've ever struggled with the decision to end a client relationship, then this episode is just for you.

Today Tracy and Debra talk through the nuts and bolts of what to do when you begin to notice something is off, action isn't being taken, the client isn't a good fit, payment isn't forthcoming or something else has gone sideways in your coaching relationship.

Relationship is the key word here. Coaching is a relationship between us and the client, so all the same boundary and conflict resolution skills we would bring to any other relationship should apply here. Chances are if you aren't feeling it, your client isn't either. So use your curious questioning skills to identify what is getting in the way and help your client determine how they want to move forward. Often this open and honest dialogue will either get the work back on track or help the client self-identify that coaching with you isn't right for them right now. This allows you to bless them and send them off with resources, referrals, and love.

You have two powerful tools that can help you - your consult call and your coaching agreement. The consult call has two express purposes. First for you to share the value of what you offer (sales), but also for you to learn enough about the client to determine if they are a good fit to work with (screening). Once you choose to engage, your coaching agreement outlines the mutual responsibilities (boundaries) that you both commit to uphold.

Don't let an ineffective coaching relationship linger and create friction or frustration for either of you. It's not a reflection of your coaching skills or expertise, it's just not a good fit. Support that client in discovering what they do need, point them in the right direction, and sit back in confidence knowing you did the right thing for both of you.

You can learn more about DCA™ or find out about any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/company/divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com