electric chair

All this talk of climate change has Warren worrying about obesity in squirrels. What happens if there's no winter to stop them from overindulging in nuts? This conversation segues seamlessly and predictably into talk about monkey masturbation. Warren's hypothesis is that if a monkey is awake, it is probably masturbating. T-Bone suggests that, contrary to popular opinion, excessive masturbation leads to hair loss on certain parts of the monkey anatomy. In another amazing transition, our conversation steers towards exercise programs for fat monkeys and adolescents that involve masturbation and/or video games. If you are a monkey or an adolescent, or know the aerobic value of their masturbatory habits, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.