halforc

Our gang of murder hobos were reunited with our previously-irreparably-broken comrade Ellywick. She’s been resurrected into something that is probably a succubus, so the monks who helped us earlier aren’t too happy with us now, especially since we wouldn’t let them sacrifice her. But before we could “work things out” with the monks, Eulalie got harpooned and dragged off towards the river. Will we ever escape Hell? Or, better question, shouldwe be allowed to escape Hell?

Enjoy!

Section 1:

1. Vermillion also gets speared, so she doesn’t get that dope a** dagger!
2. “I don’t think they are our friends…”
3. Ellywick sings a seductive song that sounds like “W.A.P.”
4. Eulalie wants to turn into a hummingbird… “oh, wait let me think about this for two seconds…HOW ABOUT AN ANACONDA! What could possibly go wrong!”
5. Canicus chops the harpoon’s rope to free Vermillion.
6. And now would be a good time for FIRE!!!
7. Father Ralph throws a dart.
8. Hortense turns a guy into a frappé using ‘Cloud of Daggers.’
9. Gari used explodes a guy, but in, like, a holy (holey?) way.
10. Father Ralph uses a ki point to dodge a harpoon/bat it away with his d***. SUCK IT!
11. But unfortunately, Vermillion was standing right behind him.

Song:  “Counting Up the Damage”

Section 2:

12. We suddenly remember that Helen is a part of our group.
13. The pirates are disgusted by Gari’s maggots and halo of flies, but not enough to pass on trying to kidnap him.
14. The pirate queen, though well-dressed in finery, looks like she took a bath in acid, so no, she doesn’t look anything like Beato.
15. Ellywick really needs to work on that soul-eating compulsion…
16. Anaconda don’t want none unless you… roll a one… 🎵🎵🎵
17. “Blinded by the light…” 🎵🎵🎵
    
18. “Just tickle me from the inside.”
19. In Canicus’s holy light, Father Ralph attempts to squeeze the snake ‘til it barfs.

This is Part 6, a.k.a. the sixth session of our campaign, Chapter 1, titled: “Woke Up Like This.” Well, technically this is like, the 6th and 6.5 sessions. You’ll hear Sammy’s recap at the session we lovingly refer to as the “failed game,” where too many pregame substances, including some ghost pepper hot sauce that required one of our players to have to drive to Walmart because the bathroom in Danielle’s house was already occupied by someone puking. Ah, memories…

Our gang of murder hobos traveled to a place called the “Boneyard” in the hopes that the witch who lives there will fix Ellywick’s broken body so we could continue our quest to get out of Hell. We sort of killed the BoneWitch and a ground-mouth swallowed up Ellywick, so who knows what mayhem we’ll get into now.

Enjoy!

Section 1:

1. Sammy’s recap
2. Reminiscing about using Ellywick as a hacky sack…
3. Sammy rolls to find out if we get to eat or not.
4. Question: What would be your ideal pet?
5. Eulalie misses Clavicus, her cat/chicken/dog, who was resurrected in a pet sematary.
6. Canicus would like a majestic griffin to fly around on and smite injustice.
7. Vermillion wants a phoenix (perhaps because you can light them on fire over and over? Yikes.)
8. Father Ralph would like a horse… because they have giant dongs.
9. Hortense would like a dead rat named “Toodles.”
10. Gari would like a pet cockroach.
11. A strange smell washes over our camp… we roll Constitution to find out if we are woken up by it or knocked unconscious.
12. Canicus gets a purple-nurple from a pseudopod.
13. Eulalie casts “Moonbeam.”
14. Something smells like “Open Pit!”

Musical Interlude: “Lactating T***ies”

Section 2:

15. “It’s like a dying footlong.”
16. Canicus kills the worm thing and runs over to the monks, who aren’t doing so hot.
17. The monks draw something on the ground, and you’d really think they’d be better at drawing since they can’t talk and are illiterate.
18. Canicus helps the monks drag the demon towards the altar.
19. So, what shade of green is that light that is coming from the dagger? Lime? Meridian?
20. “So, I just woke up, so I am probably like, ‘FIRE!’”
21. Father Ralph reads the runes on the tied-up demon-thing.
22. Hortense gets excited and attacks a monk for no reason.
23. “We all remember what happened LAST time there was a ceremonial dagger..”
24. AEIOU and sometimes Y
25. “I’m going to take the gag out of its mouth and replace it with my lactating t***y!”
26. Canicus senses a nasty taint, plus something unnatural.
27. Vermillion cuts the bindings off the demon-thing.
28. Father Ralph helps the assault victim to his feet.
29. Hortense pulls the monk off of the demon-thing.
30. Gari is smarter than he looks.
31. “I was trying to heal you with my t**s!”
32. Ellywick is a g*****n succubus now!
33. “I may have consumed their souls…” #WokeUpLikeThis
34. Unsurprisingly, the monks are furious.
35. Eulalie gets harpooned and dragged towards the river. Wheeeeee!

We talk about our first dnd session and how it got pretty hectic.