#highconflictcoparenting

**This episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce is sponsored by Better Health. Give online therapy a try at
betterhelp.com/NOTSUCK and get on your way to being your best self.**

Why is it that we don't allow ourselves to grieve the loss of a relationship??

It's time we change that. We are chatting with Rebecca Feinglos, founder of Grieve Leave, an organization that makes grieving death, divorce, job loss, etc more accessible and without the STIGMA. 

Rebecca has experience grief of several levels. Yes, she's been through a divorce. She's also lost both of her parents. Her mother died when she was young and her father recently died on the first day of the COVID-19 lockdown. She ended her marriage one year after her father died.

So what, actually, is grieving??

How do you grieve?

Do you have to grieve?

How do you know if you are grieving??

Can you grieve if you wanted the divorce?? (yes, of course)

In divorce, we often will grieve the loss of what could have been...the life that we thought we were going to have...

 

And what about our jobs and bosses understanding how to support you in your grief process??

And while we're on the topic, let's debunk the myth of the "5 Stages of Grief".  Look, friends, this phrase comes from a study that was performed in the 1970's and was centered around cancer paitents.  As it turns out, there are NOT "stages" of grief that you go through and then you magically "finish" the grief process. Sorry... grief is not linear. It's up and down, side to side, and is ongoing. Not everyday will be gutwrentching, but there's not "finish line". And for this reason, Grieve Leave exists.

Grieve Leave offers virtual support groups for people managing the grief process. There are many different types of groups and whole lot more insight, guidance and community available. Visit them at: https://www.grieveleave.com . 

You can also find them on social media at: http:www.instagram.com/grieveleave

And now, a word from our sponsors:

Soberlink offers alcohol montitoring in the most discreet way with the highest technology. Visit: http://www.soberlink.com/notsuck

Our Family Wizard is here to make coparenting EASIER (isn't that nice??) Visit http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuck to get access to their newsletter.

 

Thanks for being here, friends. Remember, we are here to support you in any way we can.

If you are considering divorce and would like to be in our private community to listen to our episodes without downloading them to your device: join us here: http://www.patreon.com/notquitereadyfordivorce

And if you want to join our free Facebook community, head here: http://www.facebook.com/thehownottosuckatdivorcecommunity

 

 

Child Support. You know it, you love/hate it. But what if you need to modify it?

 

How do you modify child support post divorce decree?

How can you get more child support?

How do you know if you're paying too much in child support?

 

Well, friends, we've got your answers right here on How Not to Suck at Divorce. 

Here's what you need to consider:

1. What has changed? (finanically, you need a 10% or more swing in either direction. Needs with the children also weigh in here.
2. Consider the past/present and future!
3. Get your facts STRAIGHT (see if it's worth it before you persue
4. Get a full strategy (ask you attorney for guidance here!!)

Let's lighten things up here with the link to Andrea's amazon sneakers!!

Let's see these sneakers!!

Remember friends, we are here for you and would love to support you in anyway we can. 

For more support, please check out our private communities. 

http://www.patreon.com/hownottosuckatdivorce.com 

Patreon is for listeners who want extra BONUS episodes with private listening options, you can listen to our show without it being traced to your device!

http://www.facebook.com/thehownottosuckatdivorcecommunity

Our Private Facebook community is for anyone who wants more support!

 

We love you all! Please message us with any questions and follow up on IG!

http:www.instagram.com/hownottosuckatdivorce

Inspired by a listener email, we bring you:

"Should I Change or Keep my Last Name?"

It can be a tough decision, but here's our bottom line: YOU DON'T HAVE TO MAKE A DECISION RIGHT AWAY!!

If you're struggling with:

Is it okay if I have a different last name than my kids?

Will keeping my spouse's last name prohibit me from moving on after my divorce?

LISTEN TO THIS EPISODE!!

And don't forget, you have the option to keep your martial last name professionally, if that's the best decision for you, and you can go back to your pre marraige last name socially!

As always, we suggest that you run these thoughts about your last name by your therapist to get their opinion.

 

And Andrea wants you all to remember to not forget YOU in this decision making process. So often, we are consumed by what's best for our children-which is clearly important-but don't forget about you.

 

Whatever you decide to do, just know that there's no rush in this decision.  

And yes, Major Dick Zucker is a real story. I know...I know.

Hope this episode gave you some insight and a little giggle. 

 

Remember to join our private communities!!

Patreon (for private listening and extra information)

Private Facebook Community

(for community and relatable content)

 

And remember friends, we are here for you, always. Please message us with any questions!

DM us on IG!

 

You've Got This and WE'VE GOT YOU,

Morgan & Andrea 

 

 

 

Listen to this episode BEFORE you go into mediation. 

It IS possible to have a positive outcome from mediation, even if you feel like you your soon to be ex spouse agree on NOTHING.

 Here are 3 EXPERT tips (from a mediator herself) to help you reframe your mind before entering mediation:

 

1) You don't have to RESPECT your soon to be ex, but you still need to have some DIGNITY for them. In other words, treat them like a human who also has wants and needs (even if their wants and needs are questionable and they're acting like a total tool)

 

2)Start to think of the problem as something that's outside of you and your soon to be ex. Meaning, the issue is "who gets the kids this Christmas?" or "who gets the lake house?" or "who's going to get the collection of ketchup bottles?" (yes, that was an actual issue for one of Morgan's cases). The issue is not about YOU, and it's not about you soon to be ex, it's simply a "problem" that needs to be "solved".

 

3)Think about why you want what you say you want. This one is kinda about checking ego, and also just gaining some perspective on the situation. 

 

It's important to keep in mind that everyone loses something in a divorce. You're not gonna come of this thing with EVERYTHING you want, it just doesn't work like that. 

In fact, the old divorce joke goes, "if both parties are unhappy and feel they got cheated, then the attorneys did their job" I (Andrea) HATE that joke and it makes me want to scream, but that's the way it goes!

And remember, mediaiton, divorce, all of this mess is just going to be ONE event that happened in your life. It's not your life, you have a lot more life to live when this is all behind you. 

To find Joy online (and if you're in the great state of NY and would like contact Joy, visit:

www.joyrosenthal.com

And to access her course, head here!

https://courses.joyrosenthal.com/landing-on-your-feet

We are here for you, and here to help you not suck at mediation.

As always, please message us with questions!

http://www.instagram.com/hownottosuckatdivorce

And join our private community!

http://www.patreon.com/hownottosuckatdivorce