marital coaching

When it comes to how we handle conflict in our marriage, there is one ingredient you can start adding into the mix that can override the effect of harsh start-ups, criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling, or flooding. That special ingredient is the ability to attempt to repair the damage and accept an attempt at repair. In this week's episode, I help you begin the process of stopping a conflict headed in the wrong direction and how to make a u-turn towards reconnection.

If you've been curious about how working through my AwakenYou in your marriage program can change your life and your marriage, this week's interview will help bring you some clarity. As you listen to this interview, what you will hear over and over is Alicia's commitment to learning more about herself and becoming a partner willing to open up and dig into what she wants in her intimate relationship. Alicia went from feeling desperate to keep the relationship together to feeling good about herself, her life, her business, and her partnership believing in herself and creating what she wants in her life regardless of what life brings to her. This month's interview is a must-listen, and fun listen, enjoy!

This month of March I am doing a marriage min-coaching session challenge where I am challenging myself to help 25 people this month, so if you have never booked a mini-session with me then get yourself signed up before I shut the link down! FREE 30 minute coaching session, click here to sign up.

Download my free Abundant Love Mini-Course to help you to start thinking, and feeling, differently about your marriage.

Register for my monthly Marriage Masterclass, this month I'm going to help you get to know your spouse better and help you see why this is so important.

More resources and how you can start the process of Awakening Your True You and being the partner who creates your best vision of what marriage looks like for you: https://christinebongiovanni.com/

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CBS News Interview: 6 Tips For A Healthy & Loving Relationship

Download my free Love Affirmations Mini-Course to help you to start thinking and feeling in a way that feels more like love.

More resources and how you can start the process of Awakening(YourTrue)You and being the partner who creates your best version of what marriage looks like for you: https://christinebongiovanni.com/

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Is your spouse actually listening to what you say, or have they shut you out?

Do they (or you):
• pick up their phone while you are talking to them
• change the subject to something off-topic
• turn away
• get up and leave
• defend themselves in an attempt to end the conversation
• spend lots of time away from the home avoiding conversation

If you said "'yes" to any of these, then you might be what John Gottman calls "stonewalling" your partner or getting stonewalled.

In normal conversation, we engage with each other by making eye contact, showing interest by nodding or asking clarifying questions; stonewalling is not conversation or engagement; it is avoidance, withdrawal, and disengagement.

Stonewalling indicates an unwillingness to work on relationship differences which is crucial to the success of the marriage and often can have the other person feeling neglected or abused.

This week on AwakenYou in your marriage, I help you create awareness around this way of disengaging, no matter what side of the "stone wall" you are on, to start breaking down this marriage barrier. Once you get some clarity, you can begin self-correcting and bring what you want to your marriage: connection, understanding, shared meaning, and intimacy.

Episodes referenced in this episode:
Bids For Connection Ep 40
Your Response Matters: Bids For Connection Ep 41
Creating Better Marital Communication By Considering The Start-Up Ep 45
Your Marriage's Emotional Bank Account Ep 39
Emotional Regulation In Your Marriage Ep 35
Self-Soothe To A Happier Marriage Ep 38

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More resources and how you can start the process of Awakening Your True You and being the partner who creates your best vision of what marriage looks like for you: https://chr

CBS News Interview: 6 Tips For A Healthy & Loving Relationship

Download my free Love Affirmations Mini-Course to help you to start thinking and feeling in a way that feels more like love.

More resources and how you can start the process of Awakening(YourTrue)You and being the partner who creates your best version of what marriage looks like for you: https://christinebongiovanni.com/

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"Could you help me come up with something fun to do for our anniversary?"

"Any time I come up with ideas, you don't like them, so I'm done contributing."

Defensiveness in your marriage shows up when you don't hear what your partner is saying, so instead, you throw out a comment that deflects the original comment. You hear an attack on your character or behavior instead of a complaint. A defensive response pushes the two of you further away instead of hearing, understanding, and learning to create more connection. In your marriage this week on AwakenYou, I help you see your defensive actions and learn a new response.

In the above example, you are closing up, defending yourself, and shutting down your partner. Better response in this example could be: "I would love to brainstorm ideas for our anniversary, but I'll admit, I get a bit gun-shy because in the past I have thought that you didn't care what I wanted to do."

This second response has you opening up to connection while also sharing how you have felt in the past, creating even more connection!

Episodes referenced in this episode:
Is Divorce In Your Future? Ep 44
Is Contempt Killing Your Marriage? Ep 48
Marital Discussions: Criticism Versus Complaint Ep 46
From Enemy To Ally Ep 25
Emotional Regulation In Your Marriage Ep 35
Self-Soothe To A Happier Marriage Ep 38

My free Relationship Abundance Mini-Course

Register for my monthly Marriage Masterclass, this month I'm going to help you create A Valentine's Day To Remember!

More resources and how you can start the process of Awakening Your True You and being the partner who creates your best vision of what marriage looks like for you: https://christinebongiovanni.com/

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Show webpage:

CBS News Interview: 6 Tips For A Healthy & Loving Relationship

Download my free Love Affirmations Mini-Course to help you to start thinking and feeling in a way that feels more like love.

More resources and how you can start the process of Awakening(YourTrue)You and being the partner who creates your best version of what marriage looks like for you: https://christinebongiovanni.com/

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If you and your partner are super planners, then I am sending you a high-five; nice work on creating conversations where your future life together matters. I've discovered with my clients who aren't taking their future into their own hands that they are waiting for their partner to do it for them and then resenting them when they don't. If you are the planner, then here is how you can start the conversation. Even if you AREN'T a planner but want to be, this episode will help you get started. In this week's episode, I share the very steps that I used in my marriage to get this conversation started and how you can quickly begin these conversations or your own, starting this week.

Register for this month's  Marriage Masterclass: How To Start The Conversation Of Marital Future Planning.

More resources and how you can start the process of Awakening Your True You and being the partner who creates your best vision of what marriage looks like for you: https://christinebongiovanni.com/

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Show webpage: www.christinebongiovanni.com/49

CBS News Interview: 6 Tips For A Healthy & Loving Relationship

Download my free Love Affirmations Mini-Course to help you to start thinking and feeling in a way that feels more like love.

More resources and how you can start the process of Awakening(YourTrue)You and being the partner who creates your best version of what marriage looks like for you: https://christinebongiovanni.com/

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⁣⁣Would you recognize if you were acting contemptuously towards your spouse? Check out these three examples of contempt where you are placing yourself in a more "superior" position than your partner:⠀⠀
⠀⠀
"How would you like it if I did that to you?"⠀⠀
⠀⠀
"I'd never do to you!"⠀⠀
⠀⠀
"I'm not THAT bad."⠀⠀
⠀⠀
Most of us might know that we're not enjoying the experience, whether it is us partaking in the act of contemptuous behavior or our partner. Still, we might not realize that we are being contemptuous. Contempt is like cyanide to your marital relationship, so knowing what it is and being committed to putting an end to it will be one step towards creating a marital dynamic that feels so much better. ⠀⠀
⠀⠀
Listen to this week's episode to find out what it is, how it might be a part of your relational modeling, and how to start changing your approach.⠀

Register for this month's  Marriage Masterclass: How To Start The Conversation Of Marital Future Planning.

More resources and how you can start the process of Awakening Your True You and being the partner who creates your best vision of what marriage looks like for you: https://christinebongiovanni.com/

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Show webpage: www.christinebongiovanni.com/48

CBS News Interview: 6 Tips For A Healthy & Loving Relationship

Download my free Love Affirmations Mini-Course to help you to start thinking and feeling in a way that feels more like love.

More resources and how you can start the process of Awakening(YourTrue)You and being the partner who creates your best version of what marriage looks like for you: https://christinebongiovanni.com/

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Have you ever wondered what you will think about your marriage when you get to the end of your life? Will you look back and smile at all of the love you created, all of the uncomfortable things you did to build the relationship of your dreams, or will you look back in regret over all of the love you missed out on? This week on the podcast, I share my end-of-year reflections, my 2022 projections, and a warning to those of you waiting for your marriage to "fix" itself.

Start the process of reimagining and recreating your marriage with my free marital abundance course.

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Show webpage: www.christinebongiovanni.com/47

CBS News Interview: 6 Tips For A Healthy & Loving Relationship

Download my free Love Affirmations Mini-Course to help you to start thinking and feeling in a way that feels more like love.

More resources and how you can start the process of Awakening(YourTrue)You and being the partner who creates your best version of what marriage looks like for you: https://christinebongiovanni.com/

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When we feel annoyed or frustrated with our partner, how we express our feelings determines whether we can let go of the disappointment or stay stuck in it. The secret to moving forward while getting to know each other better is how you approach what is bothering you. If you find yourself continually frustrated with your partner, this week's episode will shine some light on how to start getting more of what you want. Learn how to better communicate what you want and have a better chance of getting it.

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Show webpage: www.christinebongiovanni.com/45

CBS News Interview: 6 Tips For A Healthy & Loving Relationship

Download my free Love Affirmations Mini-Course to help you to start thinking and feeling in a way that feels more like love.

More resources and how you can start the process of Awakening(YourTrue)You and being the partner who creates your best version of what marriage looks like for you: https://christinebongiovanni.com/

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There are seven predictors that can help you see if your relationship is headed towards divorce. If your marital conflict discussions contain six of them, your marriage is predicted to last 5-6 years. If your marital conflict discussions don't contain these six divorce predictors, but your relationship does contain the seventh, it could take SIXTEEN years for that divorce to happen. SIXTEEN YEARS is a long time to be in a passionless marriage, especially when it's entirely possible to turn things around. This week I start a series where I discuss these seven indicators to use this information in your favor.

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CBS News Interview: 6 Tips For A Healthy & Loving Relationship

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More resources and how you can start the process of Awakening(YourTrue)You and being the partner who creates your best version of what marriage looks like for you: https://christinebongiovanni.com/

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Welcome to December and all of the things! The last month of the year can be an emotional tug-of-war for many of us. Commitments on top of an already over-committed schedule, reviewing the year and the list of things you said you would achieve but didn't, family...oh and then you might as well sprinkle a bit of all the extra food over the top of everything. This week on the podcast, I am sharing my best tip for handling all of the emotions that are about to come your way if they haven't already started flooding on in.

Allowing Emotions Equals A Happier Holiday Thursday, December 9, 2021, 5:30 pm CST

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CBS News Interview: 6 Tips For A Healthy & Loving Relationship

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More resources and how you can start the process of Awakening(YourTrue)You and being the partner who creates your best version of what marriage looks like for you: https://christinebongiovanni.com/

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This week was Expert Interview week on the podcast, and this interview is extra special because it was my first interview getting a man's perspective on all things marriage. Chris Plourde is a coach, businessman, father, and husband who has worked with top athletes, celebrities, and even military special operations. He mentors men to find their authentic selves and create leadership qualities to bring to their families, communities, and work-life. We talk about all things relationships and what it takes to make them work. Enjoy!

You can find Chris on his website and socials:
Chris Plourde Conscious Performance Coaching

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CBS News Interview: 6 Tips For A Healthy & Loving Relationship

Download my free Love Affirmations Mini-Course to help you to start thinking and feeling in a way that feels more like love.

More resources and how you can start the process of Awakening(YourTrue)You and being the partner who creates your best version of what marriage looks like for you: https://christinebongiovanni.com/

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Last week you learned what bids for attention are, and you learned that the way to create connection in your relationship is to turn towards your partner when you notice them tossing a bid at you. This week I share the three ways we can respond to our partner's bids, two of which might be unintentional acts that create the opposite of what we want in our marriage. Listen to this week's episode because what we don't know can tear us apart.

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CBS News Interview: 6 Tips For A Healthy & Loving Relationship

Download my free Love Affirmations Mini-Course to help you to start thinking and feeling in a way that feels more like love.

More resources and how you can start the process of Awakening(YourTrue)You and being the partner who creates your best version of what marriage looks like for you: https://christinebongiovanni.com/

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Bids for connection are attempts to get someone's attention; any action intended to create a positive connection. They could be a simple smile or an out-of-place statement like "look at that dog over there!" Once you start paying attention to bids, you may be surprised to discover that your spouse is throwing bids that you might be dropping. This week's episode will help you understand what a bid for connection is, how to start making bids, and how to catch bids that are being tossed at you!

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Show webpage: www.christinebongiovanni.com/40

CBS News Interview: 6 Tips For A Healthy & Loving Relationship

Download my free Love Affirmations Mini-Course to help you to start thinking and feeling in a way that feels more like love.

More resources and how you can start the process of Awakening(YourTrue)You and being the partner who creates your best version of what marriage looks like for you: https://christinebongiovanni.com/

Join my AwakenYou newsletter for weekly marriage tips and early announcements of upcoming offerings.

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Do you have a healthy marital emotional bank account? The balance of your marital emotional bank account tells a lot about how well you and your spouse communicate and problem solve. If communicating with your spouse seems challenging, you may want to check your account's balance. This week's AwakenYou episode will teach you all you need to know to get started. I share what an emotional bank account is, how too many withdrawals can wipe your account out, and help you create awareness around what negative interactions are versus positive so you can start the process of repair.

AwakenYou Marital Magic Six-Week Course

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CBS News Interview: 6 Tips For A Healthy & Loving Relationship

Download my free Love Affirmations Mini-Course to help you to start thinking and feeling in a way that feels more like love.

More resources and how you can start the process of Awakening(YourTrue)You and being the partner who creates your best version of what marriage looks like for you: https://christinebongiovanni.com/

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Self-soothing is a way to bring ourselves to feelings of betterment to move forward from any negativity or emotional pain. In our marriages, it is a way to recognize when we are slipping, or crashing, into a negative emotion, put a pause on it, and take the time to look at what is happening within ourselves. Being able to self-soothe helps us grow, better understand our patterns, and bring us closer to our partner by handling conflict from a clean headspace. This week on the podcast, I explore self-soothing, how it can help build a happier marriage, and how to self-soothe.

AwakenYou Marital Magic Six-Week Course

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CBS News Interview: 6 Tips For A Healthy & Loving Relationship

Download my free Love Affirmations Mini-Course to help you to start thinking and feeling in a way that feels more like love.

More resources and how you can start the process of Awakening(YourTrue)You and being the partner who creates your best version of what marriage looks like for you: https://christinebongiovanni.com/

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How well do you know about your partner? Your answer indicates your relationship's emotional intelligence. If that truth makes you feel a bit queasy, I want you to settle into a deep breath. Most couples have a surface-level knowledge of their partner, and that "getting to know you" better phase often gets overlooked after the year pass on. Knowing your partner is the foundation of a solid marital relationship, and the good news is that it is never too late to bridge the gap; learn how on this week's episode.

AwakenYou Marital Magic Six-Week Course

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CBS News Interview: 6 Tips For A Healthy & Loving Relationship

Download my free Love Affirmations Mini-Course to help you to start thinking and feeling in a way that feels more like love.

More resources and how you can start the process of Awakening(YourTrue)You and being the partner who creates your best version of what marriage looks like for you: https://christinebongiovanni.com/

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If you've heard of Dr. John Gottman's discovery that the six-second kiss can improve the health of your relationship but haven't implemented it, then this week's episode will get you moving out of shame and into action. If you haven't heard of the six-second kiss, then it's even better because this week is all about what this relationship tool is, why it's so helpful, and how to move into being able to implement it.

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CBS News Interview: 6 Tips For A Healthy & Loving Relationship

Download my free Love Affirmations Mini-Course to help you to start thinking and feeling in a way that feels more like love.

More resources and how you can start the process of Awakening(YourTrue)You and being the partner who creates your best version of what marriage looks like for you: https://christinebongiovanni.com/

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I talk a lot about emotions, with good reason; it is essential to understand emotional regulation within a marital relationship and why you might not be regulating your feelings. Lisa Feldmen Barrett suggests that "those who can put emotions into words, are less likely to use negative self-regulatory strategies such as..." acting out with aggression, harmful actions to self, and excessive buffering activities like over-eating and drinking. In this week's episode, I talk about emotional regulation, why it's a big deal and the process of how to regulate your own emotions.

Attachment Theory In Practice by Susan Johnson

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CBS News Interview: 6 Tips For A Healthy & Loving Relationship

Download my free Love Affirmations Mini-Course to help you to start thinking and feeling in a way that feels more like love.

More resources and how you can start the process of Awakening(YourTrue)You and being the partner who creates your best version of what marriage looks like for you: https://christinebongiovanni.com/

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I think it is vital to continue the trend to help normalize mental health and mental illness so that people can start seeing the indicators that something might be off and feel comfortable seeking guidance from a health professional. After last week's discussion with Jessica Farmer about Navigating Your Partner's Mental Illness, I thought it would be appropriate to visit what mental health and mental illness are. This week I share differences and why it's essential to know these differences.

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CBS News Interview: 6 Tips For A Healthy & Loving Relationship

Download my free Love Affirmations Mini-Course to help you to start thinking and feeling in a way that feels more like love.

More resources and how you can start the process of Awakening(YourTrue)You and being the partner who creates your best version of what marriage looks like for you: https://christinebongiovanni.com/

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This month's guest interview is with Jessica Farmer, a certified life and marriage coach who helps women who have husbands with mental illness. Helping women create confidence and connection with themselves and in their relationships, even with all the challenges that come up when there is a mental illness, is her passion. She is a mom to 4 kiddos and a puppy, loves hiking, running, and biking around her home in Washington state, and loves traveling with her husband.

Jessica Farmer Coaching

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It isn't uncommon for most of us to have periods of our life where our emotions feel too much for us to handle, and when it is happening for our partners, it may be too much to figure out on our own. If you are wondering if your partner is struggling with their mental health, then listen to this week's episode where I chat with Jessica Farmer, a life coach who helps people navigate this season. Jessica shares comforting wisdom that might shed some light on what you may be seeing in your partner.

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CBS News Interview: 6 Tips For A Healthy & Loving Relationship

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More resources and how you can start the process of Awakening(YourTrue)You and being the partner who creates your best version of what marriage looks like for you: https://christinebongiovanni.com/

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Last week we explored the masculine way from David Deida's Intimate Communion, which helped reveal and understand all that is masculine in our partners and ourselves. This week on the podcast, I explore the feminine way to help show you that which might be the missing link in your life. Fully embracing your feminine essence is the key to feeling whole and purposeful and loved; listen in to see how this resonates for you. Revealing and revitalizing your essence is at the heart of AwakenYou, and through this series, you will open the door to your true essence in your life and marriage.

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CBS News Interview: 6 Tips For A Healthy & Loving Relationship

Download my free Love Affirmations Mini-Course to help you to start thinking and feeling in a way that feels more like love.

More resources and how you can start the process of Awakening(YourTrue)You and being the partner who creates your best version of what marriage looks like for you: https://christinebongiovanni.com/

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