mommy guilt

In this short episode, I talk about how you can kick the bad mama blues to the curb and start recognizing that you’re a fantastic mother! I acknowledge the difficulty of being a mom and the feelings of sadness, guilt, and shame that come along with it.

Motherhood is not always rainbows and unicorns, and it's normal to feel like a bad mom on tough days. Many women struggle with feeling like they have lost their identity when they become a mom, as they have to take on a title they've never experienced before. I hope this show reminds you that being a mother is hard work, and it is okay to feel overwhelmed. This does not make you a bad mom – it makes you a great mom for caring.

Headphones are recommended if little ones are around.

Key Topics 

• Exploring the challenges of motherhood and how moms take on a heavyweight title (02:07) 
• How to overcome guilt and feel confident in your parenting (05:29) 
• Understanding the difference between guilt and shame (08:47) 
• Heal past mistakes with children (13:15)
  
  

Episode Links & Contact Info
You can connect with me on my website www.kylievangelder.com or on Instagram. 

Please share this show with other mamas who need more! 

Happy Weekend! What will we discuss this week?

• Surviving burnout and prevention
• Life as an essential worker
• Mommy Guilt
• How to improve your health through lifestyle changes,
• The importance of sleep, and so much more!

By way of background, E. Benita Varnado, MD (a/k/a "Dr. V")  completed her Ob/Gyn residency at Tulane University in New Orleans, LA. After almost 20 years of service, she is now focused on lifestyle-based treatments to help others achieve optimal mental and physical well-being.

Stick around for the spotlight story at the halfway point. As we have an expert who can help us with lifestyle changes, we will discuss an article titled, 11 Lifestyle Changes for Improving Mental Health and get Dr. V’s take on it. Follow along here.

The catalyst for this amazing career move was thru the podcast, where she not only educates women about their gynecologic health and how their bodies function but also about their overall health and wellness. 

Benita, as she is known by her family and friends, attributes her desire to be a health care provider to her parents and the times she “worked” in the office, they instilled in her the importance of education and hard work.  

From an early age, she learned she could be the one to help people who are in need and hurting. While providing educational information and motivation, Dr. V hopes to help those who listen to reach their health goals. She hopes to share the benefits of lifestyle changes (diet, exercise, sleep, connection) on medical diseases and overall wellness and health. Being a guide to help people heal themselves is her mission.

Take a Deep Breath on A Mental Health Break - the podcast that normalizes the conversation around mental health. You are not alone. Which journey will resonate with you most? Catch up with weekly interviews aired since January 2020. To join the show, email PodcastsByLanci@Gmail.com.
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Our family had a much-needed vacation, and I am happy to say it was close to perfect.   Even the mommy shamer could not spoil our great time.   

If this were 2 years ago or even last year, the mommy shamer stating my child was having a “hissy fit” would have consumed my thoughts and overall experience.  

Although, I do regret trying to justify my child’s “hissy fit” to the mommy shamer.   No matter what, she was going to continue her ignorant judgment.   

All she witnessed was a child not acting “perfect” or “being seen and not heard.” 

Finally, I realized it is not my responsibility to take the time and energy to educate someone insignificant in our lives.  My responsibility lies with my family and those who are in our lives.  

As parents, we cannot control the mommy shamers, but we can control our response, or lack thereof, toward the mommy shammer.   

As mentioned in this episode…

Getting to Know You: The Family Journal and Game to learn more about your family and record the fun memories.  Now available on Amazon!  https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09VG3SDJC/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_56E8KZ3C24BAB3ZV3YTX   $2,99 on Kindle, and only $9.99 for paperback.  

A Day In The Life Of A Stay-At-Home Mom journal provides 2 pages for each day.  Completing the reverse to-do list is the perfect reminder of all you accomplish in a single day. Most importantly, it will reflect the unmeasurable value you bring to your family.

As a bonus, it will prove the dedication required to be a stay-at-home mom to the misinformed.

Thank you for supporting Mom Treading Water.   Please be sure to rate, review, subscribe and share. 

Mom Treading Water (The Imperfect Mom) is available on all podcast apps or right here! www.momtreadingwater.com/podcast-episodes/

If you have suggestions or comments about Mom Treading Water, comment on our website at https://www.momtreadingwater.com/contact-us/  

Check out the mom self-love journal on Amazon.   When moms take those few minutes each day to practice self-love, it allows us to love others at our best.  https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09V3PTLJQ/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_GAMDEZEYEVKRREHXPCCH   FREE for KindleUnlimited, $2,99 on Kindle, and only $9.99 for paperback.  

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**ANNOUNCEMENT: We are doing a virtual event!!**
"The Art of Dropping Your Defenses: Reframing Your Relationship With Your Armor"
Saturday, October 2, from 1:11 to 4pm CST
$35. Register at truenorth11.com/the-art-of-dropping-your-defenses

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In this episode, we talk about GUILT.

“Guilt is anger directed at ourselves — at what we did or did not do.” — Peter McWilliams

"Guilt is something abusers use to control you." — a True North Tribe member

Defining our terms:

• Regret: "I dislike that the past is what it is."
• Remorse: "I dislike that I contributed to someone else's suffering."
• Guilt: "Someone else dislikes what I did/am doing/want to do."

Guilt = a "should" + not being here (someone else's business) AND/OR not being now (past actions or future plans)

Antidote to guilt: mindfulness, presence, staying in your business.

Your brain is always working to figure out how to systematize life so that it can run on autopilot as often as possible. You can shift your autopilot into a habit of asking yourself if you're being your best in this moment.

Need a nervous system reset? Leave the environment, move your body, wash your hands.

GRATITUDES:

• Abby is grateful people and organizations who are here to help others through the challenges of going through suicide and childhood cancer.
• Ryan is grateful that the pro-women's rights folks in Texas are exercising their own power to build the world they want to live in (re: Texas SB8 and the women's march coming up on 10/2)

TIME CODES:
7:51 - Topic: Guilt
11:39 - Regret vs. Remorse vs. Guilt
14:14 - Q: Is guilt possible if we're in our own business?
25:21 - Mommy Guilt & Patriarchy
46:45 - Body work to re-center

MODEETS:

• Register for our live event at truenorth11.com
• Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11
• Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.net
• Catch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mystic
• Watch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTube
• Email us at hello@truenorth11.com

🥩🍟🥐🍇

All through the month of July, The Two Jess(es) will be re-airing some of their favorite conversations from the very beginning of WeSTAT. This particular conversation on motherhood, the high highs, and the low lows- and everything in between, from season one, is definitely one to revisit. 

Considering this original conversation took place prior to the world changing due to COVID, TTJ(es) are happy to report that they have really leaned in to the practice of "Good Enough Mothering" out of necessity, and realize that nothing really happens before it's supposed to- including the lessons learned from our most precious and relentless little life interrupters. 

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Recorded March 28, 2021

We've all heard of daddy issues but what about mommy issues? They are a real thing.  It could look like low self-esteem, toxic relationships,  "not getting along with other women" or struggles with connecting to our own children. Mommy issues come about when our mothers are abusive, neglectful, or perhaps not as nurturing or as loving as we needed. How our parental relationship played our in our childhood follows us into our adult lives and will likely impact how we parent our own child(ren). In this episode we bring on psychiatrist, Dr. Leesha Cox to help us understand, identify, unpack and find healing with any mommy issues plaguing our lives.

Questions:

How do we know if we have mommy issues?

What  happens in the parental relationship that causes the mommy issue syndrome?

What ties mommy issues to self-esteem?

If you find you are affected by your mommy issues how you do avoid passing that down to your own children?

Can we resolve our mommy issues on our own?

Quotes:

Chances are you are probably gonna have to do therapy, but I'm trying to minimize the amount of things I send you to therapy for. - Rhumel

Our health insurance carries mental health so if I am messing up right now, I'm at least providing you access to therapy to help you get right because I know I'm not doing this all right. - Twanda

There is nothing that you do or did to deserve what has happened. You are still deserving of love and acceptance even if your mother can't give it to you. - Dr. Cox

This is not on you,   It is not your fault. You are still deserving of love. You can acknowledge that this pain is real. That also helps to usher in  the growth and  healing process that has to happen. - Dr. Cox

Maybe some of this that your mom did was the best she could. It may have been horrible and inadequate but it was the best that she could do at that time.  - Dr. Cox

This is a process of growth. It may require therapy to get there, but to forgive her can really heal  you. - Dr. Cox

 #NormalizeTherapy! ...We should all be on a quest to protect and nurture our mental health. - Dr. Cox

 What we are talking about it health and wellness We haven't done a good job historically of thinking about mental health as part of health. - Dr. Cox

Mentions:

• Eradicate the  stigma around mental health issues in the African American community - The Boris Lawrence Henson Foundation by Tarji P Henson

Guest

• Instagram: @drleesha
• Podcast/Website: https://drleesha.com/blog/
• Twitter: @drleesha
• Facebook:@drleesha

Book: Ditch The Mommy Guilt: A Blueprint For the Modern Mommy

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