Independence is the Secret to Relationship Longevity
S4 Episode 3: Independence is the Secret to Relationship Longevity
Episode Summary
Independence is one of the sexiest qualities a person can possess. Men and women are drawn to an independent person. Why? Because when someone has interests and friendships outside of their romantic partnerships it sends a very clear message: I don’t need to be with you to be happy, I want to be with you because you make me happy!
A common mistake people make when searching for a romantic partner is basing their ability to get along with another person as evidenced by sharing common interests like a love of the outdoors or a preference of a certain genre of music. While it can be a bonus to have some hobbies or passions that match up, it is not necessary for a romantic relationship to thrive. To be able to share experiences that are significant with a partner or expose them to something new is exciting and can help create intimacy. It can nurture empathy and acceptance but it is not enough to sustain the relationship in the long-term.
Shared hobbies or passions is different than commonalities like shared belief systems, cultural and religious backgrounds and compatible wants and needs that form a strong foundation of a romantic partnership. A healthy relationship should consist of two partners that support one another in things they both enjoy together as well as experiences they enjoy as separate individuals. A couple should be the joining together of two whole people, not two halves that create the whole.
At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss people that play games with another person’s emotions and the detrimental impact it has on relationships.
Show Notes
It’s important to have some of your own interests, hobbies, and relationships outside of the relationship you have with your partner. Not only will having independence give you something to talk about when you’re with your partner again, but it also leads to a happier relationship.
You can’t possibly connect on every single layer with your partner, so it only makes sense you would need to find options for fulfilling those interests in other ways. Plus, it’s more important to share deep foundational things, like your values, than it is to share all the same hobbies. Having your own things to do away from the partnership makes spending time together even more special.
When you’re independent in a relationship, you stay because you want to, not because you need to. Each partner in the relationship needs space to evolve and have their own new experiences. As long as you continue to appreciate and check in with each other, it will not influence your relationship in a negative way.
Being independent also gives you self-confidence, personal responsibility, and also builds respect and trust. A Romancipated person knows this. If there’s something you’re passionate about, put time aside to do it for you. When you’re a happier person, you’re a better partner.
In this episode, the vent session topic is: When people think it’s a game to play with someone’s feelings. It’s a huge red flag. Being mean or manipulating another person comes with the intention to have power over another person. This person wants to be in control and make you feel weak. It’s destructive, disrespectful, and should not be tolerated.
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