#parentingadvice #parentingtips #raisingdaughters

Hey Parents,

Is your teenage daughter feeling a bit overwhelmed by ‘all the things’ right now?

• what’s going on around her? 
• how she fits into her world?
• and how to be okay with missing something?

The fear of missing out and the fear of messing up are REAL for teenage girls.

And seem to be a hot button issue right now.

Thankfully we’re back to in-person learning here in the US, though, like every new beginning, there are some residual pandemic issues that are still being ironed out. 

One of the issues I’m hearing a lot about from the teenage girls enrolled in my 90 Days to a More Resilient Teen Coaching Programis that even though they’re surrounded by their peers, they are feeling socially disconnected and lonely.

So, I was curious to learn more. 

Why, even though they are physically together again, and ready for new and deeper relationships, these girls are reporting: 

• a lack of confidence as to how to take the next step 
• and often feel stifled by the fear and uncertainty their efforts won’t be reciprocated

Welcome back to the cultivating resilient teens podcast where you can find the full show notes and resources at cultivatingresilientteens.com.

Recap

Okay, let’s quickly recap today’s key points.

If your daughter is like most teenage girls, she may be feeling socially disconnected and a bit lonely, even though she’s back to in-person learning.

The most effective way to begin to build the deeper connection she’s ready for, is to simply be aware of if she’s bringing her past wounds into her present environment and try the 3-2-1 strategy so she can redirect, reconnect and redesign her relationships.

And, if seeing her struggle this triggering for you, simply recognize that’s a natural response and try asking her what would be helpful in this situation.

Lastly, please, please, please remember that when you approach ‘all the things’ with the attitude that you’re here to learn, you can’t do this wrong.

It’s truly about learning and growing together. 

Until next time, here’s to cultivating a more resilient teen.

Podcast Resources:

90 Days to a More Resilient Teen Coaching Program

cultivatingresilientteens.com

Ep – 26 How to Support Your Daughter When Her Friendships Are Falling Apart

Ep – 28 How to Break Free from Thinking Errors that Wreck Your Daughter’s Confidence

Here's to cultivating a more resilient teen for all of life's adventures!

Hey parents,

Have you ever heard the saying … ‘what you resist persists’?

I mean, could it really be true that, in your daughter’s attempt to push away all those unwanted things, she only attracts more unwanted things?

The father of analytical psychology, Carl Jung, suggests that in your attempt to ‘resist’ certain situations, by focusing on what you don’t want, you actually cause those unwanted things to persist, or even grow.

Welcome back the Cultivating Resilient Teens podcast where I want to invite you and your daughter to try a quick brain game with me.

You can close your eyes, or simply use your mind’s eye to visualize something you desire … a giant scoop of ice cream, a beautiful sunset, or a fun event with friends.

Now, DON’T imagine a giant pink elephant.

Okay … did a giant pink elephant just photo bomb your image?

This is just one small example of the power your daughter has over her mind.

And why two key concepts play a huge role in her ability to build confidence, integrity and resilience for all of life’s adventures.

Find the complete show notes and the two key concepts on my website, cultivatingresilientteens.com.

Podcast Resources:

Episode #16 Does Your Teenage Daughter Need a Strong Sense of Self to be Successful in Life?

Ep – 37 How to Handle Your Daughter’s Toughest Social Challenge

90 Days to a More Resilient Teen Coaching Program

Being Sensitive Can Be a Challenge … This Strategy Set Me Free!

Episode #11 Help Your Daughter Stay Focused in a World Full of Distractions with a 3 Step Solution

Here's to cultivating a more resilient teen for all of life's adventures!

Hey parents,

I have a question for you … what throws your teenage daughter off more - her big emotions OR the after-effects that follow her reaction to her big emotions? 

Welcome back to the cultivating resilient teens podcast.

If you’re listening today, you probably recognize the value in understanding, and learning how to manage emotions capable of rocking your household and social circles.

So, today’s episode is offering you a ‘What to do When’ Guide that’s designed to help you and your daughter effectively handle the big emotions that stem from her toughest social challenges. 

And hopefully this guide is applicable with some of the other tough stuff too.

Because with all the ‘gears in motion’ during the adolescent years, having tools that minimize the guilt and guesswork are golden.

(Remember, all the resources shared in the podcast, including the full show notes, can be found on my website, cultivatingresilientteens.com.)

Thank You

Before we get into the guide, I want to send a shout out to the parents who courageously shared their daughter’s toughest social challenges with me.

Even though your daughter’s experiences were not easy for her - or you - it felt good to see each of you find an approach that moved the needle in a positive, feel-good direction. 

A Common Theme

Although each girl’s ‘toughest social challenge’ story felt unique, there was an obvious theme.

When your daughter is lied to by friends she trusts and believes has her back - is clearly one of the hardest experiences to navigate for passionate, connection seeking teens.

And, I’ll be honest with you, I almost ditched this podcast idea.

Maybe you can relate, because if you’re like me, being lied to touches on a pretty tender place inside me that doesn’t really enjoy, and certainly resists being poked at, if you know what I mean.

The Power of Self-Compassion

So, rather than spending time dissecting why teenage girls lie to one another; a conversation that I believe is most productive between coach and client in a safe, co-creative environment – I want to introduce you to the work of Dr. Kristin Neff because navigating, healing, and supporting those tender places inside your daughter needs a solid dose of self-compassion.

Find the Full Show Notes, including Your “What to do When’ Guide, visit my website, cultivatingresilientteens.com.

Podcast Resources:

Wikipedia, Self-Compassion

Fierce Self-Compassion: How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power to Thrive | Kristin Neff, Ph.D. 

Episode #16 Does Your Teenage Daughter Need a Strong Sense of Self to be Successful in Life?

90 Days to a More Resilient Teen Coaching Program

https://thriveglobal.com/stories/how-to-raise-a-socially-intelligent-and-resilient-teenager/

Episode #6 3 Simple Steps to Quiet Your Daughter’s Inner Critic and Boost her Self-Confidence

Here's to cultivating a more resilient teen for all of life's adventures!

Hey parents,

I’m interrupting the regularly scheduled podcast to bring up a concerning issue I experienced, the clients enrolled in my 90 Days to a More Resilient Teen Coaching Program are talking about, and maybe it’s coming up for your daughter, too.

As we’re moving through the covid pandemic - a time that challenged us collectively and impacted each of us a little differently – there appears to be a heightened sense of awareness that’s positive in some ways and a bit damaging, in others.

What’s Happening

As you know, most teenage girls already feel like they’re over scrutinized and judged.

So, when your daughter feels a heightened sense of what other people may be thinking and saying, a chain reaction often occurs that looks something like … 

• Overthinking or distorted thinking about comments / situations
• Second guessing herself and her role in the interactions
• And unexplained fatigue or an overall lack of motivation

I think we can all agree that now more than ever, your daughter needs and deserves to experience moments of joy and spontaneity to make up for all the missed opportunities.

And, I wanted to say, that the next episode will be part three of the deep dive into your daughter’s sense of self with the ‘What to do When’ Guide.

Because I think your shared experiences – thank you for trusting me with your personal stories - are definitely going to help other parents and teens realize they’re not alone on this often-tumultuous journey.

Actually, the ‘What to do When’ Guide is morphing into a series of its own, so stay tuned as I break down the problems and solutions into smaller, more digestible pieces.

Today’s Question

Okay, let’s get into today’s question … 

how many times has your daughter replayed a past situation in her head and wondered what would have happened if she responded or reacted differently?

As I was reflecting on the situations my private coaching clients are experiencing, I wanted to invite you and your daughter to take a moment and assess what you’re feeling and observing too.

It seems the upside to the pandemic is that overall, people seem less tense and are more cordial.

But the pandemic also seems to have opened the door to increased scrutiny of others.

The intense feeling of being overly assessed by your peers or by strangers, usually doesn’t feel good, and will certainly have an impact on your daughter’s sense of self and her social scenarios.

Tuning In

Personally speaking, as a parent and teen coach I really do my best to stay in tune with my thoughts and emotions and use effective tools and strategies to keep a clear mind so I can show up in the world in a way that feels good to me.

But because I’m also a human, I’m not immune to the tough emotions that get triggered when I feel like I’m being judged or totally misunderstood.

And last week, I got a taste for what my clients have been talking about.

I think you'll enjoy hearing how my situation helped me understand, on a personal level, what my clients have been talking about.

Find the full Show Notes on my website, cultivatingresilientteens.com.

Podcast Resources:

90 Days to a More Resilient Teen Coaching Program

Here's to cultivating a more resilient teen for all of life's adventures!

Hey parents, 

How much do your daughter’s friendships influence HER attitude, mood and motivation?

As a parent and teen coach I hear a lot of stories about how other people’s actions and reactions seem to affect my client’s well-being.

Of course, it’s natural for connection seeking teens to be influenced by their environment, especially their social scenarios.

The hard part is, humans, not just teenage girls, are naturally fickle.

So, if your daughter is always acting or reacting to what’s happening in her external environment, in the moment, she may feel like she’s constantly bouncing around like a ping pong ball … up one minute, down the next. 

And truth be told, even if her wild emotions give her a boost of energy, it’s not a healthy habit she’ll want to keep around. 

Heads Up

Welcome back to the Cultivating Resilient Teens Podcast

This is the second podcast of a three-part series where we’re diving deeper into what it looks like to develop your daughter’s sense of self and how she can design social scenarios that align with who she truly is or who she desires to be. 

Find the complete show notes, resources, and links to previous episodes on my website, cultivating resilient teens.com.

Before we get rolling today, I want to give you a little heads up that today’s topic, if you’re listing with your daughter, may evoke an eye roll before a head nod, and here’s why.

Most teenage girls have:

·         beliefs

·         hopes 

·         and expectations 

that influence how they go about creating and keeping friendships.

Unfortunately, there’s not a whole lot of information or conversation about how those beliefs, hopes and expectations come to fruition.

Though, they’re often the result of their upbringing, environment, and past social experiences.

So here’s the hard part, if your daughter isn’t aware of what her beliefs, hopes and expectations are - and how they influence her relationships - she’s going to bounce.

If she’s getting the attention that meets her expectations, she’ll bounce up.

And when she doesn’t get the reaction or response she wants, her mood will dip.

ME and WE

As you might imagine, relying on other people to moderate her mood and motivation level is exhausting, and will leave her feeling pretty powerless. 

The good news is it doesn’t have to be that way.

When your daughter is clear with her core friendship values, she’ll be able to establish a clear boundary between ME and WE.

3 Red Flags

In order to set clear boundaries, you’ll want to be aware of a few situations, or red flags, that cause things to get messy. 

You can read about the 3 Red Flags and the Simple Solution to Raising a Socially Resilient Teen on my website, cultivatingresilientteens.com.

Keeping in Real

Like I’ve said before, ya all are what make this podcast REAL and meaningful.

Thank you for being here, for spending the time to build this community, for sharing this podcast with your friends, for trusting me to work with you and your daughter and for coming together so we can collectively empower teenage girls to build confidence integrity and resilience for all of life’s adventures.

I look forward to talking with you about ‘What to do When …?’ because when you have a guide to handle life’s toughest social challenges with grace and ease, you’ll feel good about your responses and eliminate the guilt and guesswork.

Until next time my friends, know that I’m thinking of you!

Podcast Resources:

Here's to cultivating a more resilient teen for all of life's adventures!

Hey parents, 

I wanted to share a personal conversation I had with a dear friend I’ve known for over 30 years because she raised a great question that’s relatable to anyone raising teens. 

 My girlfriend and I met when we were in the thick of our teenage years and now, we’re both raising teens, so we naturally we found ourselves talking about all the social complexities teens experience, particularly when it comes to concept of defining your daughter’s ideal “tribe.”

I’m so grateful my girlfriend brought up this issue because, honestly, as a new podcaster, it’s really easy to get caught up in what the experts say you’re supposed to do to have a successful podcast.

 The Proverbial Box

 Between you and I, I’ve never thrived when I’ve had to operate inside the ‘proverbial’ box.

 And when it comes to defining a tribe that feels good to your daughter – that doesn’t fit inside a box either.

 Which may cause some confusion if she’s comparing her interests to what she sees on her media platforms.

 Because the larger and fancier the group photo, the more she may think … huge tribe = happiness. 

 But deep down, we all know that what we think we need isn’t always what we really need.

 The Million Dollar Question

 And that’s why I’d like to ask you … how does YOUR daughter define her tribe?

 Find the full Podcast Episode, including what you can do as parents, at cultivatingresilientteens.com

Lastly, one of the best parts of this podcast is YOU. 

And our community is growing quickly.

It’s super cool to see you’re listening across the globe because we all share this common trait – we’re stronger when we feel connected to one another.

So, if you’d take a moment and post one strategy you’ve found helpful on the iTunes podcast app, that would be awesome.

Your interaction helps other parents, just like us, find the show.

Okay, that’s all for today.

I look forward to connecting with you next time.

Podcast Resources:

Episode #16 Does Your Teenage Daughter Need a Strong Sense of Self to be Successful in Life?

Episode #18 2 Key Elements Your Daughter Needs to Design Healthy Social Scenarios

Here's to cultivating a more resilient teen for all of life's adventures!

Hey Parents, does your teenage daughter doubt herself or feel like there’s something fundamentally wrong with her when things don’t work out?

It’s so easy to weave the “Ugh, what’s wrong with ME?” narrative into an emotionally triggering situation.

The Good News

The good news is, there’s an effective way for your daughter to deactivate doubt, get stronger and feel more self-confident. 

Welcome back to the Cultivating Resilient Teens Podcast where you can find the full show notes at cultivatingresilientteens.com.

What’s Really Going On? 

So, as we move into the summer months, whether your daughter will be part of a 

• new club
• camp
• team 

OR is planning to be more of a free-range chicken and in charge of her daily activities, it’s worth taking the time to continue to learn about her developing sense of self and how to design healthy social scenarios. 

Because, understanding how she sees herself, what she thinks about herself and how she talks to and about herself will give you the clues YOU NEED to empower her to build her confidence, integrity and resilience for all of life’s adventures.

The Figure it Out Formula

The secret in the secret formula is this – it takes you right to the heart of the matter. 

And getting to the heart of the matter will help keep your daughter out of the weeds.

The Figure it Out Formula goes like this … turn your left palm over so it’s facing upwards.

Find the 5 Steps to the complete show notes, including The Figure it Out Formula on my website, https://cultivatingresilientteens.com/podcast/

Podcast Resources:

Ep – 27 3 Insights Every Teenage Girl Needs to Ace Tricky Social Situations

Ep – 28 How to Break Free from Thinking Errors that Wreck Your Daughter’s Confidence

Ep 29 - A Bite-Sized Solution to Protect your Daughter’s Most Important Asset

Here's to cultivating a more resilient teen for all of life's adventures!

Hey Parents,

Does your teenage daughter have a plan to stay confident and mentally clear when she’s emotionally triggered?

After making a very long list on a giant piece of paper, the teenage girls in my social media group just sat back with that deer-in-headlights look.

I think they were more stunned than I was at the list they’d created.

The task was to identify all the all the “parts” of social media they deal with on a daily basis.

What confuses them.

What makes them feel bad.

And, what’s fun, too.

We definitely didn’t want to forget about the fun stuff, because being able to instantly connect with your friends can be great.

And seeing each other on the map is pretty cool, too. 

Well, except when it’s not.

Welcome back to the Cultivating Resilient Teens Podcast.

Having a Plan

Where today we’re going to offer your daughter a 3 Step Road Map to navigate the ups and downs of her media relationships so she can keep a strong sense of self and continue to design healthy social scenarios.

Because as parents, you know, it’s a rough ride for everyone when your daughter:

·         discovers her tribe has assembled without her 

·         or someone she’s reached out to is active but not responding

We obviously didn’t have these devices when you and I were teens.

Though, that deep gut punching feeling you get when you’ve been betrayed by someone in your tribe hasn’t changed.

And having the ability to manage all those big emotions doesn’t just magically happen.

So, let’s give your daughter a step-by-step plan so she can interact on her social platforms while maintaining a strong sense of self and designing healthy social scenarios.

Please take the time to share the 3 Step Road Map with your daughter, you'll be glad you did.

Find the 3 Steps and the full Show Notes on my website, cultivatingresilientteens.com

Podcast Resources:

Episode #16 Does Your Teenage Daughter Need a Strong Sense of Self to be Successful in Life?

Episode #18 2 Key Elements Your Daughter Needs to Design Healthy Social Scenarios

Quote from Oprah “You get in life what you have the courage to ask for.”

90 Days to a More Resilient Teen Coaching Program

Here's to cultivating a more resilient teen for all of life's adventures!

Hey Parents,

Have you ever asked your daughter how she’s doing and heard something like … “it’s complicated” or “you won’t understand!”

As you’re working through the ‘letting go’ and ‘losing control’ part of raising a teenager (two of the toughest parts if you ask me), getting a non-answer when you’re trying to connect is tough because:

• it feels like it widens the divide
• and pulls heavily on your heartstrings

As a parent of teens, I get it.

Welcome back to the Cultivating Resilient Teens Podcast, it’s an honor to spend this time with you.

If you’re feeling like you haven’t quite found a solution to how to empower your daughter to build confidence, integrity and resilience for all of life’s adventures, this episode is for you.

And hopefully it’ll make it easier for you and your daughter to learn and grow together, too.

Signature System

After years of working with teens and their families, I think you’ll see that the 4 Steps to Cultivating a Resilient Teen:

• Developing a strong sense of self
• Creating meaningful educational experiences
• Designing healthy social scenarios
• Fostering a connective family life

Not only offer your daughter the tools she needs to step into her personal power, recognize when to lead and when to follow, and mitigate the negative effects of social media.

They also help you learn how to navigate these teen rites of passage.

If you’re not familiar with my signature system, the 4 Steps to Cultivating a Resilient Teen, you’ll find more information and the full show notes for this podcast on my website, cultivatingresilientteens.com.

What’s Happening

Okay, here’s the downlow on … “it’s complicated” or “you won’t understand.”

The likelihood that these statements are true, is pretty high.

It’s less about trying to drive you crazy or push you away, and more about your daughter feeling overwhelmed and confused herself.

And as a caring, resourceful and hardworking parent, you likely encourage your daughter to be a critical thinker in order to solve her problems.

Critical thinking is an essential life skill.

But sometimes relationships are messy, and miscommunications happen - and there’s not a clear answer or approach.

You may even see the wheels turning as your daughter attempts to figure out or fix her situation.

And recognize that she's caught in a negative thought loop, which, as you know, isn’t helpful.

If you’re not familiar with how negative thought loops influence your daughter’s mood and motivation, you may want to familiarize yourself with the top 6 thinking errors in Ep – 28 How to Break Free from Thinking Errors that Wreck Your Daughter’s Confidence.

It's a Dance

So here you are, trying to connect with and support your daughter, but you’re not sure whether to step in or step back – a bit of a dance.

Find out if a growth mindset will make life easier for your daughter, as well as, learn how to dance with agility and grace. Get the complete show notes on my website, Cultivating Resilient Teens Podcast.

Podcast Resources

Life’s Random Bits | Parenting is Like Dancing | 9.7.2017

Mindset: The New Psychology of Success | Carol Dweck

5 Keys to the Right Mindset for Growth and Success | Bob Choat | 7.3.2015

Episode #2 How to Rais

Here's to cultivating a more resilient teen for all of life's adventures!

Hey Parents,

Does your teenage daughter feel like she has to choose between being liked or being respected?

Welcome back to the Cultivating Resilient Teens Podcast where we’re going to offer a “Short, Sweet and Spot On” episode, as listener Me and Xoxo, shared in a recent iTunes podcast review.

Thank you, Me and Xoxo, for taking the time to share your thoughts and for being part of the Cultivating Resilient Teens community!

Okay, let’s get to it, because I want to clear up the myth that your daughter has to choose between being liked or respected.

One of my clients shared that a ‘Who are You?’ style check list has been going around social media.

The list had multiple boxes where you check off things you’ve done or that apply to you personally.

And although it didn’t seem like that big of a deal at first, my client not only felt like she was pigeon-holing herself into a misconstrued persona, but there was a whole lot of judgment coming out of this seemingly harmless activity.

My client understood that she had the choice to participate or pass, but she said the social pressure felt really intense. 

And one of her friends teased her by saying … “Just fill it out, I mean, what do you have to hide?

Ah, I’m here to tell you, these tricky social situations aren’t easy to navigate for teenage girls.

What You Can Do Instead

As we talked about in last week’s podcast Ep – 26 How to Support Your Daughter When Her Friendships Are Falling Apart

Your daughter’s style of communication matters:

• ·         how she talks to and about herself 
• ·         and how she talks to and about her friends

And, if your daughter’s put in a situation where she feels pressured to share personal information that that seems intrusive and downright uncomfortable, we want to equip her with the tools that’ll help her stay confident, in her integrity, and strengthen her resilience.

3 Insights to Ace Tricky Social Situations

In order to prevent or de-escalate the drama that comes from tricky social situations, we’re going to share 3 Insights that will help your daughter tap into her personal power.

Because even though the “What do you have to hide?” situation seemed playful, my client didn’t want to pigeonhole herself into a certain persona or share information she considered personal.

1.  Feeling liked and respected is an inside job.
2.  Learning to say what you mean and mean what you say in a clear, respectful and assertive manner will keep your daughter out of unnecessary drama.
3. Who your daughter wants to be, desires to become, and what she wants to share with the world is her choice, period. 

Yes, learning how to design healthy social scenarios is perhaps one of the most important rites-of-passage your daughter will encounter over the next few years.

So, equipping her with effective navigation skills are worth her time and effort. 

Full Show Notes and Podcast Resources can be found at, https://cultivatingresilientteens.com/

Ep – 26 How to Support Your Daughter When Her Friendships Are Falling Apart
How to Raise a Socially Intelligent and Resilient Teenager 5 Simple Questions That Will Set Your Teenager Up for Success

Here's to cultivating a more resilient teen for all of life's adventures!

Hey Parents, is friendship drama causing major emotional distress for your teenage daughter?

Welcome back to the Cultivating Resilient Teens podcast where we’ve talked a lot about how teenage girls are passionate problem solvers. But, as you know, there’s another side to the coin. So, we’re going to bravely and compassionately explore what the other side looks and feels like because if your daughter feels emotionally wounded or is utterly confused and in tears by her friend’s behavior, we want to help you through this.

It’s not unusual for my clients to talk about increased friend drama this time of year, as Springtime seems to invite a sense of newness, adventure and increased opportunities to socialize outside of school and home. 

Key Resources

Tricky social situations often cause teenage girls to be really hard on themselves, so in podcast Episode #18 2 Key Elements Your Daughter Needs to Design Healthy Social Scenarioswe tackle a topic that’s sometimes overwhelming and painful for teenage girls – how to build authentic, fun and healthy friendships. 

Because as Dr. Christine Carter shares in her book, The New Adolescence: Raising Happy and Successful Teens in an Age of Anxiety and Distraction, “Connection is the most important predictor of happiness that we have. It’s the most consistent finding that we have in a hundred or so years of research. Our overall wellbeing is predicted by both the breadth and depth of our real-life connections.”

A Better Way

And, because it’s important for me to be transparent AND remind you that tough, humble situations can also offer deep personal opportunities to grow – when you’re ready – I want to share a quick story with you. Once upon a time I was asked to talk to a group of teens about the importance of creating a more cohesive group environment because, as Dr. Carter’s research shows, authentic connections help everyone thrive.  But I mistakenly assumed that because the coaches desired a more cohesive environment, the athletes did too.  Needless to say, it didn’t matter how well constructed my message was, there were two key ingredients missing: 1.    Readiness 2.    Trust 

So, before you guide your daughter through the tumultuous teen-girl-friendship-waters, pause and ask yourself ...

Find the FULL podcast Show Notes on my website cultivatingresilientteens.com and give your daughter the support she needs to navigate these rough waters.

Podcast Resources:Episode #18 2 Key Elements Your Daughter Needs to Design Healthy Social Scenarios Dr. Christine Carter shares in her book, The New Adolescence: Raising Happy and Successful Teens in an Age of Anxiety and Distraction Episode #16 Does Your Teenage Daughter Need a Strong Sense of Self to be Successful in Life?Quote:  “These times can define us, diminish us, or develop us.” | Jim Kwik | Author of Limitless: Upgrade Your Brain, Learn Anything Faster, and Unlock Your Exceptional Life | Founder and CEO of Kwik Learning Quote: Assertive communication  Book: Fighting Invisible Tigers: A Stress Management Guide for Teens | Author Earl Hipp 

Here's to cultivating a more resilient teen for all of life's adventures!

Hey parents,

Is your daughter – or someone she knows – struggling right now? 

As a parent it can be hard to know when to step in and when to step back.

But, staying silent may send the wrong message.

So, what can you do when in those tricky moments when you’re just not sure?

Welcome back to the Cultivating Resilient Teens podcast where we’re going to share 4 Powerful Ways Your Teenage Daughter Can Help a Friend Who’s Struggling, because quite honestly, it’s not always easy or clear to know what to do or say.

Especially because we’re all still weary from doing our best to get through the pandemic, that, as “one 16-year-old said of the generation’s pivotal moment: “Making history is way overrated.”

According to a recent article in The New York Times, over five thousand young people wrote in to describe how the pandemic affected their lives and the collective sentiment was, well, consistent with what I saw in my private coaching practice.

The Times states, “Being a teenager in the U.S. during the pandemic was lonely, disorienting, depressing and suffocating.”

So, if your daughter or someone she knows is struggling, she’s not alone.

And, although we’re making progress, we’re not out of the woods just yet.

Healthy Relationships 

As we’ve talked about before, one of the beautiful qualities of teenage girls is, they are passionate about helping each other.

The hard part is, sometimes, healthy boundaries get blurred in the process.

When your daughter’s talking with a friend who’s struggling, she may:

·         Feel like she needs to “fix” her friend’s tough situation

·         Take on her friend’s stress because she believes that makes her a better friend

·         Struggle with her own thoughts and emotions about what’s happening

·         Indulge in or catastrophize the situation and create a mountain out of molehill

But, what’s most important for your daughter to understand is that healthy relationships are built on honesty, trust and being vulnerable together - NOT by taking on her friends’ problems OR feeling responsible for a solution. 

Be on the Lookout

If you notice a significant change in your daughter’s mood or appearance after she interacts with a friend who’s having trouble, it’s okay to recognize her effort and express your concern for your daughter’s well-being.

You may say something like, “I admire your effort to be a good friend to Ella, though, I’m concerned about your well-being and how hard you may be taking this. Please let me know if YOU need someone to talk to.”

Get the 4 Powerful Ways your daughter can help her friend and all of today's resources in the Show Notes on my website,  cultivatingresilientteens.com.

Podcast Resources:

https://www.nytimes.com/2021/03/14/briefing/one-year-in-a-pandemic.html?auth=linked-google

One Year in a Pandemic: Your Weekend Briefing | A special edition looking at a yar of living with disruption and pain | By Remy Tumin and Jeremiah M. Bogert, Jr. | March 14, 2021

Ep – 24 How to Help Your Teenage Daughter Develop What Really Matters 

Here's to cultivating a more resilient teen for all of life's adventures!

Hey Parents,

What do the happiest teens have in common?

We all have defining moments in life when we stop and think - seriously, what’s this all about?

So, picture this … a line of 6th graders nervously perched in the front of the classroom. 

It’s time for the annual Spelling Bee.

My name was called first.

I gasped.

The rest is a blur, well, except for laughter echoing around me.

Which is why Jim Kwik, is one of my favorite resources because he reminds us, “These times can define us, diminish us, or develop us.”

Welcome back to the Cultivating Resilient Teens podcast, episode #24.

Where we’re excited to give your daughter what she needs to develop her confidence, integrity and resilience for all of life’s adventures, rather than feeling defined or diminished by the all the social influences, inequalities, and labels (ug, the labels!).

In my private coaching practice, where I work with teenage girls from 12 years to twenty something, all over the US – there’s definitely pattern. 

Maybe you’re seeing this pattern too?

It begins around the fifth grade; you see your daughter’s environment begin to infiltrate her sense of self and limit her potential. 

The Power of Words

If you think about it like this … when your daughter hears things like:

·         “She deserved it” 

·         “You’re so basic”

·         “Omg, that was an epic failure”

It’s not easy to stand tall and design healthy social scenarios where she can thrive.

Often times a concept referred to as Confirmation Bias sneaks in and offers evidence, albeit biased and irrational, to support any negative, self-defeating thoughts.

And then, without really knowing – and maybe even without her consent – these thoughts become your daughters’ beliefs.

A Better Way

So, I ask you, if your daughter knew how to take life’s defining moments and allow them to develop her confidence and resilience and heighten her integrity … would she be up for it?

If you’re listening every week, you’re probably familiar with my Signature Coaching Program, 90 Days to a More Resilient Teen, where we tap into the four steps to cultivate a resilient teen.

One of the most important steps for teenage girls is developing a strong sense of self.

So if you’re a new listener, you may want to take a minute and grab the 3-2-1 Method in Episode #16 Does Your Teenage Daughter Need a Strong Sense of Self to be Successful in Life?

For access to the FULL Show Notes, please visit my  website, https://cultivatingresilientteens.com/ 

You'll be glad you did, because when your daughter’s mind is clear, developing a strong sense of self is easy. 

And when it feels easy, it flows.

And when it flows, it feels good.

And when it feels good – it sticks.

Focusing on what’s most important and then taking inspired action will stick.

And that’s how you empower your teenage daughter to build confidence, integrity and resilient for all of life’s adventures. 

Until next week, remember, every experience you have is perfect for your growth.

Podcast Resources:

Book: Limitless; Upgrade Your Brain, Learn Anything Faster, and Unlock Your Exceptional Life | Author Jim Kwik | Founder and CEO of Kwik Learning 

Here's to cultivating a more resilient teen for all of life's adventures!

Hey Parents,

Are you sometimes bewildered by your daughter’s friendships?

This might be a little TMI, but as a sensitive teenage girl learning how to navigate the complexities of the teen girl social network, I discovered pretty quickly that there were certain people I wasn’t gonna let see ME sweat.

Because being vulnerable was considered a weakness. 

But it turns out, that keeping certain things securely under lock and key weren’t quite as easy as I’d hoped.  

So, I ask you, what happens when your daughter’s toughest social challenge, her frenemy, is part of her tribe?

Welcome back to the Cultivating Resilient Teens Podcast episode #23.

Where we’re going to talk about two social pitfalls your daughter will want to avoid and the one simple skill that’ll keep her socially strong and steady. 

The Frenemy

First, let’s touch on what a frenemy is and what it looks like for teenage girls.

A ‘frenemy’ is defined as “a person that is friendly toward another because the relationship brings benefits, but harbors feelings of resentment or rivalry.” (Dictionary.com)

Does this sound familiar to you? 

If it doesn’t, BUT, you see your daughter always trying to “fix” her social situations, you may want to share a popular article from my website, Cultivating Resilient Teens, titled, 4 Powerful Ways Your Teenage Daughter Can Help A Friend Who’s Struggling

Because although teenage girls are passionate about helping each other, sometimes, even with the best intentions, helpful approaches can backfire. 

If you’re wondering …is my daughter experiencing a frenemy-like relationship, here are two examples that’ll help make sense of the frenemy dynamic.

1.   The frenemy is super nice when she wants to impress others, or the members in her tribe, because of the “perceived” social benefits. 

2.   But one-on-one or in a small group setting where there aren’t any “perceived” social benefits, the frenemy is often manipulative, overly critical, and sometimes downright verbally unkind.

The hard part is this behavior is often the result of resentment or rivalry.

The good news is, if you pull back the layers of resentment and rivalry, the emotions are there to help you learn and grow.

That’s why we offer 3 Actionable Solutions to stop feeling jealous and create what you really want in Podcast Episode #21.

Because for passionate, connection seeking teens, this is tough stuff. 

Find the full Show Notes on my website, https://cultivatingresilientteens.com/

Although the teen girl world is complex, can be really confusing and sometimes get ugly, please remember there’s always an opportunity for your daughter to learn and grow by tuning in to her thoughts with compassion. 

Podcast Resources:

4 Powerful Ways Your Teenage Daughter Can Help A Friend Who’s Struggling

Ep -21 How to Stop Being Jealous and Teach Your Daughter to Create What She Really Wants with 3 Actionable Solutions

Quote: Eleanor Roosevelt “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

Quote: Dr. Kristin Nef

Here's to cultivating a more resilient teen for all of life's adventures!

Hey Parents,

Have you heard?

Last week’s podcast Episode #21 "How to Stop Being Jealous and Teach Your Daughter to Create What She Really Wants with 3 Actionable Solutions" seems to have let the cat out of the bag, so to speak.

It sparked a lot of honest and vulnerable conversations because, as parents you know that:

• the painful emotions that come up around jealousy 
• and the feelings of defeat that the comparison gremlins bring on

can be especially hard for teenage girls.

But the good news is, your daughter doesn't have to feel debilitated by these big emotions.

Today's podcast episode #22 will help your daughter see:

• she's not alone
• and give her what SHE needs 

to feel confident enough to take inspired action.

And, handle life's adversities and adventures with integrity.

None of us are immune to feeling big emotions - especially the ANGST that comes from jealousy and comparison.

That’s why we’re sharing the ANSWERS to the two key questions that came out of episode #21.

Q: “What do you mean when you say, don’t be afraid of your emotions?”

Q: “What can you do to stay calm the moment, when you feel super jealous?”

Your daughter deserves to have simple, doable actions that will move her from stuck to clear minded to motivated.

Watching your daughter bloom is one of the greatest gifts a parent gets to experience.

Let’s make sure your daughter has what she needs.

In this together,

Shawna :)

Did you miss Ep. 21? LISTEN IN: Ep -21 How to Stop Being Jealous and Teach Your Daughter to Create What She Really Wants with 3 Actionable Solutions

Podcast Resources:

Ep -21 How to Stop Being Jealous and Teach Your Daughter to Create What She Really Wants with 3 Actionable Solutions

90 Days to a More Resilient Teen

Episode #14 Your Top Question for 2020 Answered “How Can I Help My Teenage Daughter Feel More Confident?”

Discover: Is Your Teen Daughter Resilient Enough for All of Life’s Adventures?

Here's to cultivating a more resilient teen for all of life's adventures!

Hey Parents,

Is it possible for your daughter to stop comparing herself and create what SHE really wants?

Yes - that's the good news.

However, I'm hearing A LOT from my private coaching clients that the vast majority of teenage girls are in need of simple, actionable solutions to create:

• a stronger sense of self
• more happiness with who she is
• and true connections with her peers

Because there's a detrimental combination going on ...

comparison + assumptions = confidence killer

As parents, you know there's a natural curiosity to look around and assess yourself with others.

The challenge here, is that so many teenage girls are comparing themselves so deeply that they're losing the ability to discover who they are and what makes them happy.

And the excessive self-criticism and irrational thoughts are causing embarrassing, socially anxious symptoms, such as:

• upset stomach
• shaky voice
• difficulty talking
• blushing

If your daughter experiences a situation similar to this, chances are, she'll go back to looking for connection on-line, where the comparison trap re-starts this vicious cycle. 

And rather than telling your daughter, “you’re just as smart, pretty or athletic as so-and-so.”

Grab the 3 Actionable Solutions, the work of two renowned authors and researchers, and give your daughter the tools she needs to create what SHE really wants.

Podcast Resources:

Dr. Susan David | Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change and Thrive in Work and Life

Dr. John Media | Brain Rules: 12 Principles for Surviving and Thriving at Work, Home and School

YouTube Video | Marie Forleo with Catherine Collautt, Ph.D. | 4 Steps to Overcome a Devastating Setback

Episode #20 Have You Figured Out Where Your Sweet Little Girl is Going? Two New Resources That’ll Help Ease Her Journey into Adulthood

Here's to cultivating a more resilient teen for all of life's adventures!

Hey Parents,

If you were to describe your family in one word, what would it be?

I still remember my nervous excitement the day I went in to talk with my doctor about my husband and I starting a family.

And her response wasn’t what I expected.

She said … “So, you’re ready to give up your 'sick days' for the rest of forever?”

Oh, I hadn’t quite thought of it like that.

Nor did I have any idea about how dynamic raising a family would be – especially the teenage years!

Because, as you know, and you’ve probably heard this before … it’s exciting to watch your daughter grow into her own person, AND it’s hard to let go and lose control. 

Welcome back to Episode #19

Today’s conversation wraps up my Signature Coaching System, 4 Steps to Cultivate Resilient Teens.

If you haven’t yet listened to the 3 previous episodes:

·         Episode #18 2 Key Elements Your Daughter Needs to Design Healthy Social Scenarios

·         Episode #17 2 Key Tips Every Teen Needs to Create a Meaningful Educational Experience

·         Episode #16 Does Your Teenage Daughter Need a Strong Sense of Self to be Successful in Life?

I think you’ll find them helpful because cultivating a resilient teen is a bit like solving a puzzle – and the previous episodes include pieces you’ll need.

Fostering a Connective Family Life

Okay, today we’re inviting you to:

·         dust off your parenting superpowers - whether you’ve forgotten where they are or they’re covid fatigued

·         and reignite your mojo – those innate gifts that reside in your hard working, dedicated parenting heart

Because after years of doing this work, I’ve identified two core family values that, when present, foster a connective family life.

1. Having a home environment where everyone can be themselves

2. Learning how to find common ground (aka - learning how to peacefully navigate the endless differences of opinion)

Getting stuck in the Weeds

But there are a few sticky points that are worth mentioning.

Most people enter into a conversation thinking they’re right and the other person is wrong. 

So, naturally your daughter may think … if only you would see things the way she does, there’d be peace in the valley. 

And you think, if only she’d listen to you and see the bigger picture – she could save herself a lot of grief and potential pitfalls. 

And before you know it, words of disagreement are a flyin’ and emotions are a blazin’ – as you both try your best to change the other person’s perspective.

And, if you’re like most families, you find yourselves stuck in the weeds and miles away from your key issue or a solution.

3 Superpower’s You Need to Foster a Connective Family Life 

Believe me, I get it.

As a parent I’ve made my fair share of mistakes – and I’m not immune to ups and downs.

However, it’s not helpful or healthy to repeat the same mistakes. 

And you definitely don’t want to let anger or yelling become your knee-jerk reaction.

So, let’s go over the 3 Superpower’s you need to Foster A Connective Family Life (spoiler alert: you already possess them!)

Head over to my website, Cultivating Resili

Here's to cultivating a more resilient teen for all of life's adventures!

Hey Parents,

What’s the one thing your daughter has in common with millions of teenage girls around the world?

Every morning when she reaches for her phone - she shares one unmistakable intention! 

In this weeks podcast, we tackle a topic that can sometimes feel overwhelming and painful for teeange girls (and their parents!)

How to build authentic, fun, healthy friendships.

As parents of teenage girls, you’re probably noticing that finding and keeping good friends IS the name of the game right now.

Designing healthy social scenarios is one of the most important rites-of-passage your daughter will encounter over the next few years. 

And, the good news is, she CAN learn how to build friendships that feel safe and good to her. 

But first, she'll need to know what the two biggest elements that have the power to derail or create a great connection.

• Sorting facts from Fiction
• Being authentically you

You'll want to LISTEN IN > 2 Key Elements Your Daughter Needs to Design Healthy Social Scenarios

Here's to cultivating a more resilient teen,

Shawna :)

PS - Have you heard? 

“I love that the Cultivating Resilient Teens podcast is short enough for busy parents to digest in bits. It’s so helpful to take in a smaller amount of information and apply it instead of feeling overwhelmed by hearing all about the things I should be doing and feeling incapacitated.”

Podcast Resources:

Episode #16 Does Your Teenage Daughter Need a Strong Sense of Self to be Successful in Life?

How to Raise a Socially Intelligent and Resilient Teenager

5 Simple Questions That Will Set Your Teenager Up for Success

Charles Schultz, “Be yourself, no one can say you’re doing it wrong.”

Book: Steal the Show by New York Times Best-Selling author Michael Port

You'll find the full show notes on my website, https://cultivatingresilientteens.com/

Here's to cultivating a more resilient teen for all of life's adventures!

Hey Parents,

Is it possible for your daughter to solve her problems with the same thinking she used when she created them?

According to Albert Einstein, the answer is no.

But could he be wrong?

How about … we let your daughter decide?

Welcome back to episode #16

This is the first episode in a 4-part podcast series where we’re going to solve bite sized teen girl issues with my Signature Coaching System, the 4 Steps to Cultivating a Resilient Teen.

So, you and your daughter walk away with actionable, clear strategies and tips.

Develop a Strong Sense of Self

The first Step is Developing a Strong Sense of Self

It’s an important place to start because if you think about it, every single thing your daughter says and does - her attitude, her happiness, her motivation, her success - all revolve around how she:

·         sees herself 

·         what she thinks about herself

·         and how she talks to and about herself

And building a solid personal foundation will impact her personal power and the choices she makes as she creates a life she loves. 

It’s about your daughter taking the time to understand who she is and what she needs from the inside out.

And the best way to do that is the 3-2-1 Method.

Listen in to get the tips to the 3-2-1 Method and set your teenage daughter up for success by giving her the tools to develop a strong sense of self. 

Podcast Resources:

Blog: You Want to Make a Change in Your Life? It Starts by Making a Different Choice | Posted 3.16.18 | blog.drjoedispenza.com

Dr. Joe Dispenza | Stress is Killing You | This is Why and What to Do | YouTube

Episode #12 A Simpler Way for Your Teenage Daughter to Be Happier

90-Minute Breakthrough Session

90 Days to a More Resilient Teen Coaching Program.

Here's to cultivating a more resilient teen for all of life's adventures!

Hey Parents,

Does your teenage daughter feel like life is just happening TO her?

If she’s super spunky one minute and grouchy and grumbling the next, she may be riding this wild roller coaster.

So today we’re going to offer you and your daughter, what I affectionately call the Mood Maintenance Toolkit.

Because if your daughter is constantly responding with a fiery, knee-jerk reaction – especially in messy situations – you’ll want to guide her away from this habit.

As parents, you’re probably well aware of how hard it is to know what to say because by the time you’ve come up with a thoughtful response, well, the situation’s already swinging in another direction. 

Here’s an example parents have shared with me, that may sound familiar to you … 

• When my daughter gets a lot of likes, compliments, or invites - her mood is awesome – she’s playful and lighthearted.
• And then when someone doesn’t respond the way she hoped they would, if she’s not tagged in a post, or if she feels left out of a gathering - her mood is dreadful and she’s suddenly depressed and unresponsive to me.

Ah, as humans it’s a natural response to feel great when someone praises you.

And, on the flip side, it’s natural to feel disappointed and hurt when you don’t feel seen and heard.

The hard part is, although the highs may be exhilarating in the moment, the downs instantly zap your daughter’s mood, wreck her motivation and leave her totally exhausted.

And, I don’t know about you, but my clients tell me they’re sick of riding the emotional rollercoaster – especially when it comes to social media. 

So, if your daughter is like most teenagers, not only does the rollercoaster ride make her feel like she’s lost all control, but it can also lead to behaviors and responses that your daughter will later regret.

The Mood Maintenance Toolkit

So, let’s equip your daughter with the Mood Maintenance Kit.

Because when she’s able to maintain her mood and motivation – she’ll go from ‘meh’ to ‘heck ya’!

The Kit contains:

3 Questions 

2 Mantra’s

1 Key Word

And it taps into the benefits social and emotional intelligence – giving your daughter the power to respond in a way that feels good and motivates her!

Head over to my website Cultivating Resilient Teens Podcast and listen to the full podcast or grab the show notes.

Because, when your daughter takes the time to …

• Be honest about who she is making decisions for - and why
• Recognize that she has a strong resiliency muscle inside her
• And when she truly EMBRACES her progress (and not someone else’s)

She’ll begin to SEE that life IS happening FOR her.

Here's to cultivating a more resilient teen for all of life's adventures!