porn and relationships

A podcast listener asked about her husband's risky, bizarre, self-centered sexual behaviors; his Erectile Dysfunction; and how these are related to his porn/sex addiction.

In this episode Mark and Steve talk raw and real about these issues. They relate this to their own experiences with addiction and the many clients they've worked with over the decades. They discuss:

-  How porn/sex addiction radically alters the "Arousal Template" resulting in a dramatic impact on healthy sexuality.

-  Unaltered by extreme outside influences, a healthy Arousal Template represents our "sexual authenticity."

-  Is our Arousal Template formed by nature or nurture?

-  How can changes in the Arousal Template lead to Erectile Dysfunction?

-  Can one's Arousal Template be changed in positive ways? If so, HOW?


Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times a week--addicts, spouses and couples! Visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

In this episode, Mark and Steve address a recent question by a listener—a very honest, legitimate, excellent question—

"Hi there, my recovering spouse and I LOVE your podcasts.  it has brought us closer through sharing our thoughts on episodes. One thing I would love to hear your take on as a betrayed spouse is how on earth do you as an addict keep those images and thoughts of porn and past sexual encounters out of your head on a daily basis? I would think it would be really easy to "reminisce" and have no one be the wiser. "

How can a recovering addict and a healing spouse DEAL with his inevitable sexual thoughts and fantasies in a HEALTHY WAY?


Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Here's a great article on the "Brain Science" behind porn and sex addiction—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/brain-science-porn-sex-addiction

Here's an article about healing Betrayal Trauma—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/healing-betrayal-trauma-video

Want to learn more about HOW to break free from porn?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/overcome-porn-sex-addiction

Wondering if your marriage can survive porn and sex addiction? This article will give you some hope—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/can-marriage-survive-porn

With so many dominant influences from Hollywood, the mainstream media, pornography and the role models we were raised with, there's a LOT of confusion about what it really means to "man-up." It's NOT the "macho/sexual-prowess" stereotype the culture often tends to promote.   

In this episode, Mark and Steve talk open and real about their own experiences as men and their work with men across the world.

A man's strength has NOTHING to do with being "weakness-free." It has EVERYTHING to do with being willing to VULNERABLY face weaknesses, OWN them and learn how to move THROUGH them to become stronger. It's all about steadily and progressively stepping to one's highest and best self as a man.

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Here's an article about healing Betrayal Trauma—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/healing-betrayal-trauma-video

Want to learn more about HOW to break free from porn?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/overcome-porn-sex-addiction

Wondering if your marriage can survive porn and sex addiction? This article will give you some hope—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/can-marriage-survive-porn

How can you "heal" your marriage relationship?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/how-to-mend-your-marriage

This episode starts with Mark and Steve getting super raw about how lying was a big part of their addiction years and early recovery.

-  There are MANY "layers of lies" that can be obvious or very subtle; active lies or passive ones.

-  Why do addicts tell lies? And why do spouses often have struggles being totally open and blunt about what they're feeling and thinking?

-  Why is dishonesty SO devastating to a marriage relationship?

-  HOW can we make the shift into total honesty, transparency and authenticity?


Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services


Why FULL disclosure is CRITICAL to your Marriage Success:  https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/no-more-secrets-in-your-marriage

Learn why his porn addiction and the Betrayal Trauma it brings is NOT YOUR FAULT—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/his-porn-addiction-not-your-fault

How can you "heal" your marriage relationship?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/how-to-mend-your-marriage

In this episode, Mark and Steve talk raw and real about their personal "God journeys"—how God operated in their lives BEFORE recovery and healing (crazy dysfunctional!)—and how their God relationships evolved in ways that literally "saved" their lives and marriages.

Maybe in your individual and couple recovery and healing you could use a personal "God assessment."

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

In many cases, "religiosity" which is often very different from "spirituality" can have a dramatic impact on keeping us stuck in addiction. Check out this article—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/lds-porn-addiction-help

When an addict spouse is "gaslighting" you, it can be very difficult to trust in your own "spiritual insights and promptings." This article might help—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/is-a-porn-addict-gaslighting-you

Porn and sexual addiction rob us of the deep spirituality that should exist in a healthy marriage relationship—even spirituality in the physical/sexual aspects of our relationship. This article may provide some valuable in sights—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/true-intimacy-vs-sex-in-marriage

This episode is "Part Two" of the interview with Todd, a former Mark and Steve client, who tells his raw and real story of recovery from Sex and Porn Addiction.

In this second half of the interview, Todd talks about how he moved from "ME" in addiction to "WE" in real recovery—How to shift your attitude from "me-centered" to "we-centered" and build the support network that is CRUCIAL to lasting recovery.

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Want to learn more about HOW to break free from porn?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/overcome-porn-sex-addiction

Wondering IF you have an actual "porn addiction"?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/are-you-addicted-to-porn

Ever wonder WHY LDS men suffer so much shame from porn use?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/lds-porn-addiction-help

Todd, a former Mark and Steve client, tells his raw and real story of recovery from Sex and Porn Addiction.

Todd also talks about how being convinced from a young age that he had to "earn love," was a BIG part of what led him to and kept him trapped in addiction!

Tune in next week for "Part Two"!


Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Want to learn more about HOW to break free from porn?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/overcome-porn-sex-addiction

Wondering IF you have an actual "porn addiction"?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/are-you-addicted-to-porn

Ever wonder WHY LDS men suffer so much shame from porn use?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/lds-porn-addiction-help

Mark and Steve get VERY raw and real about the struggles during their deep addiction years. Knowing what they know now—if they could go back in time, WHAT would they do different? 

• Be open, honest and seek help WAY sooner vs. staying stuck in shame and secrecy!
• Face the PAIN and REAL underlying issues vs. believing it was all about the porn!
• Be open about the real possibility of being able to break free vs. buying into the lie that "I'll never actually be totally free from this!"
• Be willing to DO the DAILY WORK of recovery vs. being lazy, making excuses and thinking recovery is an EVENT when it's really a GREAT way to live life!

Visit the PBSE website at:  pbsepodcast.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Want to learn more about HOW to break free from porn?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/overcome-porn-sex-addiction

Wondering IF you have an actual "porn addiction"?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/are-you-addicted-to-porn

Ever wonder WHY LDS men suffer so much shame from porn use?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/lds-porn-addiction-help

Our natural tendency in addiction, betrayal trauma and current scary world events is to attempt to INCREASE the CONTROL we have over our lives! This is exactly the OPPOSITE of what we truly need in recovery and in life.

In this episode, Mark and Steve talk raw and real about exactly HOW to "SURRENDER" trying to control things when you feel the most out-of-control!

Although it sounds like a total contradiction of oxymoron—the BEST way for you and those you love to succeed, connect and WIN in these crazy, uncertain times is to PRACTICE THE ART OF SURRENDER!

Visit the PBSE website at:  pbsepodcast.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

To learn more about HOW to use Surrender and other tools to Overcome Porn Addiction, check out this article—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/post/how-can-i-stop-watching-porn

If you're a spouse struggling with NOT being consumed by your husband's porn addiction, this might help—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/his-porn-addiction-not-your-fault

A big part of Surrender in Marriage is letting go of Secrets!—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/no-more-secrets-in-your-marriage

When it comes to sexual behaviors, we live in a world where there is a very broad spectrum about what people consider to be "healthy" and "not healthy." In this podcast, Mark and Steve talk raw and real about their personal experience with this and working with men across the globe. You'll learn—

• Can "sex" become an addiction? 
• What are the levels on the path to sex addiction—
  • Curiosity
  • Recreation
  • Self-soothing
  • Obsession
  • Compulsion
  • Addiction
• There are MANY ways to "act out sexually"--Here are some examples
• How can you tell is your sexual behaviors are a significant PROBLEM—
  • You are sacrificing the people and things you care about
  • Self-medicating vs. facing your issues
  • Disconnecting from others vs. TRUE CONNECTION
  • Connecting vs. Fantasy vs. Reality
  • "What's in it for me" vs. REAL LOVE

Assignment:  Do a "pros and cons list" regarding your current sexual behaviors

Visit the PBSE website at: pbsepodcast.com 

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling
Learn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services

Here's an infographic that can help you determine if you're addicted to porn—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/are-you-addicted-to-porn

Here's a cool article talking about how Pornography use can turn into a "Drug Addiction"—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/is-pornography-a-drug-addiction

Everyone who gets trapped in porn addiction struggles with the "big mystery"--why do I keep going back to this crap? Why can't I just say 'NO!' once and for all?" The reason is that pornography radically changes the brain. In this episode you'll learn:

• After viewing porn and reaching climax, the viewer often pounds his fist on the table and asks, "What was I thinking?!"  The answer—"You weren't AND you COULDN'T!"
• What is the "Addiction Cycle"?--Initiating Trigger; Preoccupation; Ritualizing; Acting Out; Pain/Remorse (blood oaths)
• You get pulled into the "Porn Funnel" through "BLHASTed" feelings; massive waves of powerful neurochemicals release; all logic, reasoning, caring and consequences are BLOCKED out; the bottom of the Funnel is the Dialogue from Hell--"What was I thinking?!!!"
• Half the battle of breaking free from porn is in becoming knowledgable, aware and MINDFUL of exactly HOW porn changes your brain and HOW you can interrupt that process!

Visit the PBSE website at: pbsepodcast.com 

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling
Learn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services

For more on the Brain Science of Porn and Sex Addiction, check out this article—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/brain-science-porn-sex-addiction

To view a cool video about "your brain on porn," visit this link—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/your-brain-on-porn

A recent article in a popular publication claimed that "porn is the perfect stress reducer." In this episode, Mark and Steve get raw and personal about their experience.

In the "short-term" porn is a "drug," an escape and gives a perceived "sense of control" over one's life. Porn gives a temporary feeling of self worth, connection and satisfaction.

In the "long-term," after the escape of porn is over, the SAME challenges and stressors return--with a vengeance! Stress increases as feelings of guilt, shame and disconnection come flooding in. Porn lowers self-esteem. Porn makes one less resilient to real life and more conditioned to escape problems instead of facing and addressing them.

What to DO:  Engage in "mindfulness/feelings" journaling. Instead of immediately running to porn, explore--"What is going on in my life, in my headspace, in my environment and relationships that keeps PUSHING me to porn? What exactly is it that I'm trying to run from and escape?"

Visit the PBSE website at: pbsepodcast.com 

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling  
Learn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services

Want to learn more about the Brain Science behind porn addiction?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/brain-science-porn-sex-addiction

Here's how porn addiction can be like a "drug addiction"—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/is-pornography-a-drug-addiction

There's a big debate about what is pornographic and what is not. In this episode, Mark and Steve talk raw and real about how defining "porn"—it's less about what's being taken in, and more about the impact it's having on the viewer and others. 

• To the brain "meaning" is everything! It's all about your INTENTIONS.
• Parts vs. People
• Something to be consumed vs. someone to be valued
• Emotional isolation and disconnection

What to DO:  Use mindfulness journaling to assess your levels of fantasy and lust on a daily basis. What impact is this having on you being "fully present" with real life and real people? Are you more connected or more isolated as a result of your porn use?

Visit the PBSE website at: pbsepodcast.com 
Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling  
Learn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services

How do you know if you're addicted to porn? Check out this infographic—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/are-you-addicted-to-porn

How can you overcome porn addiction? Here's an article that can help—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/overcome-porn-sex-addiction