self-disclosure

But Lisa Rosh says that when you get self-disclosure just right, it can build greater trust on your team. Rosh is an assistant professor of management at the Sy Syms School of Business at Yeshiva University.

In this episode, you’ll learn how to think about the timing, the substance, and the process for sharing personal information with your team. You’ll also learn why it’s important to avoid using self-disclosure to seek approval from others or to promote yourself. As Rosh says, “Be yourself, but be it very carefully.”

Key episode topics include: leadership, organizational culture, business communication, interpersonal communication, authenticity.

HBR On Leadership curates the best case studies and conversations with the world’s top business and management experts, to help you unlock the best in those around you. New episodes every week.

· Listen to the original HBR IdeaCast episode: Lead Authentically, Without Oversharing (2013)

· Find more episodes of HBR IdeaCast

· Discover 100 years of Harvard Business Review articles, case studies, podcasts, and more at HBR.org

How long does it take to make friends — for someone you meet who's a potential friend, to turn into an actual friend? If you're out of college and not a young adult anymore, you know that it sure feels like it's a process that takes an awfully long time.

Well my guest has actually crunched the numbers on this question and has the numerical figures to answer it. As well as a whole lot of insight into the dynamics of friendship that are harder to quantify. His name is Jeffrey Hall and he's a professor of communication studies who counts friendship among the topics of his research. Today on the show, Jeff explains the three levels of friends that make up the sort of friendship hierarchy, how many hours it takes for someone to move from one level to the next, and why it's hard to accumulate these needed hours as an adult. We also talk about how sheer time isn't the only factor that's needed to transform an acquaintance into a close or best friend, and the other factors that need to be in play as well. We then shift into discussing another element that influences the friendship-making process: the expectations each friend has for friendship. We discuss how expectations for friendship differ according to sex and personality, and what happens when two people have differing expectations for what it means to be friends.

Resources Related to the Podcast

• Related AoM articles on friendship:
  • 3 Things No One Ever Told You About Making Friends in Adulthood
  • How to Invite People to Do Things Without Being Awkward About It
  • Sunday Firesides: The 3 Types of Friendship
  • Sunday Firesides: How Not to Be Disappointed in Your Friends
  • The 3 Reasons Friendships End
• Related AoM podcasts on friendship
  • #567: Understanding the Wonderful Frustrating Dynamic of Friendship
  • #702: One Man's Impossible Quest — To Make Friends in Adulthood
  • #726: What's Causing the Male Friendship Recession?

Connect with Jeffrey Hall

• KU's Relationships and Technology Lab

Should an analyst share personal information with clients? Freud believed that the analyst should be devoid of personal presence, so he sat unseen behind his famous couch. Jung realized that regardless of theory, psychotherapy entailed two people in a room interacting. 

He likened two personalities to chemical substances: as they combined both would be altered. Jung and his patients interacted face to face, for Jung welcomed the complexities of human relationship. Relational dynamics are the bedrock of the therapeutic process; we invite them into the consulting room. 

Vulnerabilities, friendliness, power dynamics, humor, and shadow’s many manifestations appear in body language, facial expression, and feeling tone as well as language. Humans are wired to read one another, so disclosure is inevitable. The crucial concern for the therapist is that disclosures serve authentic relationship, including the deconstruction of isolation and shame when we as therapists are seen in our humanity. 

Dream

It’s the middle of the night and pitch black outside. I am in a car with my therapist; she is driving slowly and talking to me. I listen and reply in a quiet voice with a rather trivial statement; I also use pretentious wording like ‘sine qua non’, which is not like me. She nods in agreement. I move closer but she raises her eyebrows and I pull back to my seat, concerned that I might have seemed inappropriate. 

We start hearing a man in the distance, singing a beautiful operatic aria. His voice is mesmerising and sad. All of a sudden, I and my therapist are in the back seats and I cannot see who is driving the car. The voice is getting louder and I get more scared by the minute. The man is now forcing the front door opposite the driving seat, and has attached to the car. I am aware he is breaking in and I am terrorised. 

I wake up with my heart beating and check on my husband who is sleeping, then go listen at my son’s door. By this point, my consciousness has fully returned and I know it was just a dream. I have a certain name in mind, a man I knew briefly but who was important in my life, but I am wise enough to realise the man could also be a part of myself.