Welcome back to SEASON 2 of the Achy Breaky Podcast! The smash hit, five star rated, podcast that talks about one and only one country song from the 90's per episode!

Proudly presented by the River Cree Resort and Casino and 2 Hoots Hard Iced Tea!

Howdy Partners! The boys dive into a song that may have signalled the end of 1990's Country Music as we know. Toby Keith's "How Do You Like Me Now"! 

For starters shoutout to Toby Keith, who's battling cancer but back performing! 

Did this song launch the style of Country music that today's stars make millions of dollars off of? 

A man mocks a female for never paying attention to him when they were younger despite the fact that he appeared to be a major asshole. 

Does being on the radio make people that you use to have a crush on jealous? Is it funny that she's in her room crying because the man she loves is never at home? Should she have gotten a restraining order on Toby?

Dusty and Ric breakdown the lyrics, the video and ask all the big questions you need answers to! 

Our gang of murder hobos sailed their commandeered pirate ship to a Soul Well to destroy an altar and stop the summoning of the Deep Father. After all, what good would it do to escape Hell if there is Hell on Earth. We suffered a series of misfortunes and heavy casualties during the battle to get through the first floor of the monolith: Mike character Canicus died. Now we just need to get through a locked door and climb up to the altar at the top and destroy, but there is a complication: a battle is going on between the soul tenders and the Deep Father cultists.

Enjoy!

Table of Contents:

1.      Eric’s OnlyFans is called “PieEater.” He is f***ing his way through the Taco Bell™ menu.

2.      Sammy’s OnlyFans is called “Awkwardly Licking This Cupcake.”

3.      Sammy’s recap of the Alpena game.

4.      We’re in the same ring of hell as whatever Wal-mart™ is in.

5.      The worst thing Vermillion has ever done? Well, according to The Church: Sylhanna. But remember that time Vermillion made that guy die from laughing? That s*** was messed up.

6.      Ellywick is ashamed that she didn’t eat that baby.

7.      Hortense is ashamed that she slaughtered a bunch of kids because they got between her and some mead. AND THEN THE MEAD WASN’T EVEN THAT GOOD!

8.      Father Ralph’s deepest regret and deepest shame is about the one that got away.

9.      Gari’s biggest regret stems from when he was a child soldier in an Orc army and they raided a Halfling village… boy, that feels good to get that off his chest!

10.  Eulalie feels bad about that time she changed into an anaconda and accidentally ate Vermillion, but funny story, she was in that same hobbit village as Gari, and…

11.  Oh yeah, did we mention Cancius is dead?

12.  We enter a room with a giant hand coming down from the ceiling, and it’s squeezing Mike’s new character.

13.  Mike’s new character casts Ray of Frost on the hand.

14.  After getting cut with a sword, the giant hand is now flipping us off!

15.  Gari casts Guiding Bolt towards the giant hand.

16.  “So, what’s your name?” (A perfectly normal question to ask in the middle of a battle.)

17.  Eulalie uses her crabs against the giant hand.

18.  A giant head pokes in and wants to know what we are doing.

19.  Father Ralph (who looks like Henry Cavill, btw) uses his special musk that adds to his already ample Charisma and tells the giant head that we are meter readers.

20.  EAT MY CRABS!!!

21.  Good thing Father Ralph has a dangerously delicious soul on-hand…

22.  “Not Tube-People!”

23.  One of the Dwarves lights the fuse on a large pile of explosives.

24.  Hor-Hor casts Cloud Kill on the Dwarves. Seems a bit much, but okay… 

25.  A bunch of headless bodies awaken and Ellywick sings the Song of Triumph and it sounds like Toby Keith’s Beer for My Horses.

Song: Awkwardly Licking This Cupcake by Lauren Clarke

This is the second-to-last episode of our Alpena Game series!

Our players traveled as far north in Michigan as we could go without leaving troll country (a.k.a. south of the Mackinac Bridge, yes, in Michigan one who lives under a bridge is known as troll). We stayed in the land of Alpena, which is at the forty-fifth parallel, or halfway to Santa! Alpena is where Maura grew up and where coincidentally Troy and Lauren lived for 6 years. We had a fantastic group vacation and even had our game at Maura’s parents’ house. We were also joined by a special guest player: Christie!

Our gang of murder hobos sailed their commandeered pirate ship to a Soul Well to destroy an altar and stop the summoning of the Deep Father. After all, what good would it do to escape Hell if there is Hell on Earth. FYI, thanks to a magical amulet, Ellywick’s succubus body is being controlled by guest player Christie’s character, a demonic entity named Blrr, and Ellywick is stuck in a pirate named Kerney’s body. We have made it into the Soul Well monolith, and now we just need to get through a locked door and climb up to the altar at the top and destroy, but there is a complication: a battle is going on between the soul tenders and the Deep Father cultists. Hortense decided to just run in and kill first, ask questions later, and Father Ralph is being sucked on by some pseudopods and not in a good way.

Enjoy!

Table of Contents:

1.      This is Mother Pelagius… and also this is Maura in a swank bathrobe from Afghanistan.

2.      Canicus gets absorbed by Mother Pellagius, like a birth in reverse.

3.      “Can I add any, like, bonuses to this wisdom saving throw? No? Well, guess Eulalie is goin’ it alone!”

4.      The scream of fury overtakes Ellywick and she attacks Vermillion, while singing Toby Keith.

5.      Hortense attacks a cultist with her dagger while no one else but the DM pays attention. DID SOMEONE MENTION DRAGON P*RN? 

6.      DID SOMEONE SAY SEXY GARI?!!!!

7.      The DM rolls randomly to pick which one of Vermillion’s friends she attacks.

8.      When given the option, always use a ritual dagger when attacking. 😉

9.      “Death is a gift!” Blrr says while cheerily attacking Gari.

10.  Father Ralph beats off some pseudopods like he’s ****ing off two giraffes, I guess.

11.  Ellywick gets the DM on a technicality.

12.  Blood pours out of Mother Pallagis’s nose, eyes, and mouth… and all the little noses, eyes, and mouths on all the faces that are attached to her.

13.  Canicus casts Turn Fiend. Unfortunately, his flesh is melded with said fiend, so…

Song: Hello, Mother! by Lauren Clarke

Hello, Mother (song lyrics)

As for you,

The 9-foot tall,

Cadaverous woman

Heard the battle call,

She glides towards you,

“Well hello!”

She opens her robe…

Something to show

Screaming in terror,

Dozens of little faces,

All over her body,

In all of the places

She’s coming to embrace you,

This is Mother Pelagius

In a swank robe,

Will make you her fetus.

Artwork by Lauren Clarke

Our gang of murder hobos sailed their commandeered pirate ship to a Soul Well to destroy an altar and stop the summoning of the Deep Father. After all, what good would it do to escape Hell if there is Hell on Earth. FYI, thanks to a magical amulet, Ellywick’s succubus body is being controlled by guest player Christie’s character, a demonic entity named Blrr, and Ellywick is stuck in a pirate named Kerney’s body. Which is good news for Kerney because the rest of the pirates died and our ship sank when a whale-lizard attacked us. We have made it into the Soul Well monolith, and now we just need to get through a locked door and climb up to the altar at the top and destroy, but there is a complication: a battle is going on between the soul tenders and the Deep Father cultists. Hortense decided to just run in and kill first, ask questions later.

Enjoy!

Table of Contents:

1. Hortense dashes towards the chance to murder.
2. Hortense gets mutated and grows a drippy insectoid tail!
3. Famous last words: “I think I can jump it!”
4. Aw, snap! The soul juice is full of pseudopods that want to grab us.
5. NOT TODAY, SATAN!
6. Ellywick sings the ”Song of Triumph,” and it sounds like Toby Keith’s “Beer for My Horses.”
7. Yay! Murder hobo time! Father Ralph does Flurry of Blows on the cultists.
8. The pseudopod smells something fishy and makes a grab for Father Ralph’s vagina robes.
9. “EVERYONE BLOW ME!”
10. The cultists have Robert Redford’s eyes instead of nipples and tentacles for teeth.

Song: Puppet Screams 

Thank you for joining us for Half OK Dungeons and Dragons for perverts. We call ourselves “Half OK” because in addition to having our shit together only half the time, half of us used to work together at a library in Okemos, a.k.a. "The OK."

This is Episode 21, the thirteenth installment of our “We’re in Hell” Campaign. This is Part 4, a.k.a. the fourth session of our campaign, Chapter 2, titled: “Milky Tit Ball.”

Our gang of murder hobos is traveling to a place called the “Boneyard” in the hopes that the witch who lives there will fix Ellywick’s broken body so we can continue our quest to get out of Hell.

 Enjoy!

Section 1:

1. Save some grub for us!
2. Canicus finds some rendered soul du$t
3. Ellywick finds a hurdy gurdy that compels people to dance to “Who’s Your Daddy” by Toby Keith, which is something you would definitely find in Hell.
4. Vermillion finds the top hat version of what the “Peaky Blinders” wear.
5. Eulalie better line her pockets since she now has a milky tit ball in addition to the harpy finger dripping period blood.
6. Gari gets a cursed gold collar that lowers his hit points by 3, but increases his armor by 1, so he puts it on.
7. Father Ralph finds a full-to-bursting sack full of opium.
8. We find a fleshy impact crater.
9. Ellywick wants to be a walrus like that guy in “Tusk.”
10. “I’m going to ejaculate you into adventure!”
11. Hortense hits the fleshy earth with her ax just to see what happens
12. “You, of course, are trapped in a flesh mouth that is licking you…”
13. Father Ralph wants to stay right on the edge of its lips, because, you know, that would be on brand.
14. Hang ten! The flesh wave is coming, and the DM Eric needs to see some of you outside.

Break:“Just Another Day at the Office” (song by Lauren) 

Section 2:

15. “Just another day at the office!
16. Hortense casts “Fire Shield,” then rolls a 1 on her dexterity check
17. “This is like ‘Impressions 5 [Children’s] Museum!”
18. Canicus uses his fire breath from inside the throat of the monster
19. 🎵 “Tequila makes her brain fall off!” 🎵
20. “Suck my t**!”
21. Eulalie can change from a stork into a condor, but first she must change back into a humanoid… midair…
22. Ellywick uses “Vicious Mockery” against the attacking carrion birds
23. You have a brain that thinks, but you poop yourself now
24. Gari tries to throw a rope down to Hortense and Canicus
25. Father Ralph starts massaging the giant lips
26. Canicus and Hortense fall another 8 feet

Dale & Scott talk about celebrities of yesteryear whoring themselves out for a buck (should they do it too?!); CNN+’s quick death; Elon Musk’s newest dream comes true; Toby Keith is the oldest dog alive; the U.S. Army creates panic on Capitol Hill; Halloween is six months away; Virgin adds a fourth cruise ship; how much are you willing to pay for dinner?; Disney and DeSantis battle it out; and, Pop Tarts bring back a fan favorite. Trust us…this is everything you need to know this week. 

It's been established that we here at ProCo love Reba more than the average person. That is unless the average person is someone who watches CMT game shows hosted by Barbra Jean. They REALLY love Reba. So while they're all distracted by a Reba reunion, we're sneaking onto and winning The Singing Bee.

Zach writes the next hit country song, Jared brags about his juicy turkey, and Adam becomes the little boy from Reba.

Talking Points Include: The Three Kings Real Epiphany, The Army's Turkey Rules, Folk Hero Boy Bands, Jason Spader: The House Swinger, Wayne Brady's Public Audition, Karaoke Etiquette, Ford and Coors, I Love This Cud

This week we're joined by Jake from the Fartmouth Podcast to break down a genre that Branden knows a lot about, country music. Specifically early 2000's country music to see what is more annoying, a pretentious pop/country/rap song about a man begging to be noticed. Or a country version of Glory Days for people in their 90's. You get to choose between:

Toby Keith: I Wanna Talk About Me

vs

Tim McGraw: Back When

Leave us a voicemail 910-370-1604

Follow us on twitter over at https://twitter.com/ShittySongPod and vote on which song you think is the worst.

Also check out our patreon page at patreon.com/ssotw sign up and become a Glutton For Punishment to get access to bonus episodes each month!