unshaming

Do you ever say cringeworthy things out loud?

Make the wrong decision?

Hurt people and regret it later?

If so, this episode is for you!

We live in a society where it isn't easy to make mistakes. There's a lot of judgement and blame flying around — not all of it justified.

It can make it hard to be a human who's evolving in real time — whether as a parent, professional, or partner.

But there's an antidote to the shame culture.

In today's episode, I share the self-restitution process. It's my favorite tool for taking away shame, strengthening wounded relationships, and growing through hurtful situations.

Enjoy!

Resources mentioned:

• Restitution website

Tune into a killer snippet from the Regenerative Business Masterclass with Simone Seol for how exactly to 10X your flow of creativity for your business.

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The Regenerative Business Creation Lab is open now! Join our premium digital deep-dive for modern change-makers to install the Regenerative Business Framework into your business.

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Unshaming is a critical skill in any self-acceptance journey, and especially an ADHD acceptance journey. In this episode I walk you through 3 steps to unshame any experience. I talk about how shame is pervasive in the neurodivergent experience and why, and how to take power away from shame and take it back for yourself. 

Edit: My brain *COMPLETELY FORGOT* how Kristin Neff is actually pretty ableist—her book on self compassion, while it has wonderful parts to it, also has a part where she claims her autistic son was "healed" by a shaman. Eugh. I blocked all that out. 

I'd like to quote bell hooks instead: "Rarely, if ever, are any of us healed in isolation. Healing is an act of communion." 

Answering your sex & dating questions! Don't get too excited... you're getting #unshaming advice.

• Letter 1 — 3:56
• Letter 2 — 31:30
• Letter 3 — 47:21

Shenny De Los Angeles returns to the pod this episode. She is an actress, activist, and poet. Engage with her here.

• Shenny’s instagram: 
• Shenny’s email where you can write to her: shennyangeles@gmail.com

#StayUnshaming with us at instagram.com/unshaming and unshamingpodcast.com.  Email us your unshaming questions and stories at unshamingpodcast@gmail.com

Wtf does unshaming even mean?! We dive into it all in this episode. Nikila Cranage, host of Bad Behavior Podcast, joins the show.


In this episode, we reference Jor's unshaming journey. You can listen to his episode on the shame of being gay here. We also reference an episode of the Oprah Winfrey Show about forgiveness — watch that here.


TW: this episode briefly touches on sexual abuse.


#StayUnshaming with us at instagram.com/unshaming and unshamingpodcast.com. 

Unshaming returns in Fall 2021! You can #StayUnshaming with us instagram.com/unshaming and unshamingpodcast.com.  Join us for this powerful conversation with host Jordan Gonsalves on grief, intuition, validation from social media, and following your dreams.

Thank you for a fabulous Season 2. You can support Unshaming at patreon.com/unshaming. 

This episode contains discussion around sexual abuse and suicide.

Victoria Lee is a fiction author, PhD Psychologist, and neuroscientist. She also lives with Psychotic Depression. Her work centers around representing people with mental illnesses as folks who have the same hopes and dreams as everyone else. Her new novel, A Lesson in Vengeance.  does just that.

If you or someone you know is being or has been sexually abused, and would like help, please find resources below:

• National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE
• Chat with a trained specialist RAINN.org
• Resources for survivors and allies

You can support Unshaming at patreon.com/unshaming. #StayUnshaming with us at instagram.com/unshaming and unshamingpodcast.com. 

What's it like losing a core piece of your identity? Losing a core sense of belonging? Hair. In this episode, we explore these questions through the hair loss journey of Ronald Hinton, who documented his experience in the new documentary My Hair, My Rules.

You can stream My Hair, My Rules, here.


You can support Unshaming at patreon.com/unshaming. #StayUnshaming with us at instagram.com/unshaming and unshamingpodcast.com. 

This episode contains candid descriptions of human rights violations against LGBTQ+ people in Chechnya. Listener discretion is advised. Tanya Lokshima is the associate director for Human Rights Watch’s Europe and Central Asia division, based in Moscow. She has extensively covered and exposed the human-rights abuses against LGBTQ+ people in Russia/Chechnya throughout her career. You can follow her work here.

Background information:

• New Yorker article exposing the anti-gay purges in Chechnya
• Welcome to Chechnya documentary
• Information on Halimat Tarmova
• Information on the Russian LGBT Network — the organization helping LGBTQ+ flee persecution

You can support Unshaming at patreon.com/unshaming. #StayUnshaming with us at instagram.com/unshaming and unshamingpodcast.com. 

This episode contains candid descriptions of sexual abuse and child molestation — listener discretion is advised. In this episode, Shaun T tells his story of surviving child molestation by his mother’s boyfriend. He discusses how he forgave his abuser and ultimately learned to forgive himself. He also shares how his experiences made him a better partner, father, and person.

Shaun T is one of the most iconic fitness influencers in the world. His message of trust and believe has flourished into an entire brand that has impacted millions of lives.

If you or someone you know is being or has been sexually abused, and would like help, please find resources below:

• National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE
• Chat with a trained specialist RAINN.org
• Resources for survivors and allies

You can support Unshaming at patreon.com/unshaming. #StayUnshaming with us at instagram.com/unshaming and unshamingpodcast.com. 

What’s it like recovering from a stroke where you lost everything? Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor shares her journey of how experiencing a near-death brain hemorrhage helped her achieve inner peace. Her new book “Whole Brain Living” describes how we can all achieve connectedness, love, and healing by training our brains.

Get connected with Dr. Jill below.

• watch her TED talk here
• watch her Oprah interview here
• purchase “Whole Brain Living"

You can support Unshaming at patreon.com/unshaming. #StayUnshaming with us at instagram.com/unshaming and unshamingpodcast.com. 

Why do we fear death and dying so much? What is it like to stare it in the face with a diagnosis of Cancer?

In this episode, children's author Sharon Frances and her partner Matthew Rodriguez openly discuss their personal experiences with Cancer. Sharon is a Breast Cancer survivor while Matthew lost his last wife to Throat Cancer. They are the co-founders of the Well Beings Studio, a non profit using the arts to help children with Cancer express themselves.

You can read their books here:

• Little Green Monster: Cancer Magic! By Sharon Frances (formerly Chappell)
• Wet Wings: Poetry through Breast Cancer, By Sharon Frances (formerly Chappell)
• Shifting with the Tides: Yoga Poems for All Ages, By Sharon Frances (formerly Chappell)
• Scoops of Joy, By Matthew Rodriguez and Sharon Frances

References to Windows and Mirrors in children’s literature:

• Emily Seed, 1988, Curriculum as Window and Mirror
• Diversity in Children’s Literature with Windows and Mirrors

You can support Unshaming at patreon.com/unshaming. #StayUnshaming with us at instagram.com/unshaming and unshamingpodcast.com. 

Mentalhealth.org reports that 1 in 5 adults feels "disgusting" about their bodies. How do we break free from the toxic cycle of body shaming ourselves? How do we create peace with our body image? Allison Ross,  eating and body image therapist and author of "Non-Dieting: How to Love your Body and Be Healthy in Diet Culture" discusses:

• the origins of body image issues
• body neutrality
• understanding the role of social media in our body image issues

You can support the show at patreon.com/unshaming. #StayUnshaming with us at instagram.com/unshaming and unshamingpodcast.com. 

Producers/Editors: Jor Gonsalves & Sam Stone

This episode contains explicit language around experiences with racial slurs. Tony Lee is a 27-year-old Asian-American journalist for NBC News. He has reported on COVID-19 and the rise in Anti-Asian hate attacks in depth. In this episode, he discusses his experiences growing up Asian-American in the United States, being fetishized as a gay Asian man, and the complexities of being an Asian-American journalist in 2021.

You can support the show at patron.com/unshaming. #StayUnshaming with us at instagram.com/unshaming and unshamingpodcast.com. 

Episode Producers/Editors: Jor Gonsalves & Sam Stone.

Quan Huynh murdered another human being in gang related violence and was charged with second degree murder in 1999. He entered prison without remorse and left prison, a changed man. His story is not about his crime though — it's about his transformation during his 22 years in prison: humanizing himself as a person with grief, ambitions, and potential.  He is the bestselling author of Sparrow in the Razor Wire: Finding Freedom from Within While Serving a Life Sentence.  He now works as the senior post release program manager for Defy Ventures, a non profit helping those with a criminal past transform their lives through entrepreneurship.  #StayUnshaming with us at instagram.com/unshaming and unshamingpodcast.com.

Barb Zablotney was crowned Miss Wheelchair Pennsylvania in 2018. After a tragic car accident in 2007 that left her paralyzed from the waste down, she became a fierce advocate for women with disabilities. Although 61 million Americans live with a disability, why is that we know so little about this community? In this episode, Barb candidly shares how she navigates her daily routine, seeing friends, dating, and sex. She opens up about her own internalized ableism and how able bodied people can be more inclusive of folks with disabilities.

This episode contains graphic descriptions of Barb's car accident  from 4:54 — 6:52.


#StayUnshaming with us at instagram.com/unshaming and unshamingpodcast.com.

34 million Americans are low-income according to the US Census Bureau. What’s life like for them? In this episode, Xiomara Contreras shares her memories of growing up on food stamps and living in a home where she shared a twin bed. When she became a teenager, she was selected to attend a prestigious boarding school on scholarship and later graduated from Northwestern and accepted a job at Google — all the while going back and forth between these two worlds. #StayUnshaming with us at instagram.com/unshaming and unshamingpodcast.com.

This episode contains explicit language about sex and sex work. Host Jor Gonsalves interviews New York City Dominatrix Godess Talia. In what she describes as a career, she defines what a dominatrix is and discusses her business model, her clientele, and of course — her wildest stories. The mission of #Unshaming is to shine a light on communities that are otherwise silenced. The sex work community is no exception. #StayUnshaming with us at instagram.com/unshaming and unshamingpodcast.com.

AIDS activist and health educator Jahlove Serano discusses his journey to unshame his HIV positive status: from being diagnosed at 15, running away from home, and dropping out of school in fear of others finding out to becoming the face of several global "end HIV" campaigns. #StayUnshaming with us at  instagram.com/unshaming and unshamingpodcast.com.