Who Am I? (How to Answer this Question of Life)
How do you answer the question: “Who am I?” It’s a simple question, but one that’s surprisingly difficult, since it forces you to ask yourself: where do I get my identity. It’s easy to go through life never consciously answering this question, yet at the same time, allowing your search for an identity to drive every area of your life.
This question, “Who am I?” causes each of us to stop and consider what we’re actually finding our identity. Henri Nouwen, a Dutch theologian, says that there are three main answers that we give to this question.
1. I am what I do
This first answer to the “Who am I?” question revolves around your work and accomplishments in life. For most young people, their career and work is their number one source of identity; that’s one reason we so quickly ask each other, “What do you do?” And whether you’re a lawyer, teacher, or stay at home mom, it’s so easy to use what you do to define who you are as a person.
The problem with answering “Who am I?” with what you do, is that you’ll be basing your identity on something that will fluctuate wildly. When you get the job or promotion or achievement you’ll feel great. But when you have the inevitable career setbacks, disappointments, and days where you don’t get much done, your self-worth will evaporate, causing you to question whether you have any value at all. On top of that, eventually you’re going to grow old, retire, and lose your ability to accomplish tasks. How will you define your life then?
2. I am what other people say about me.
The second way you can answer the “Who am I?” question is by basing your identity on other people’s opinions about you. Whether it’s how many likes you get on a post, who wants to date you, or how respected you are in your friend group, it’s so easy to base your identity on what other people say about you.
When you do this, you’ll be happy whenever people approve, encourage, and like you, but the moment you’re criticized, questioned, or disliked, your sense of self-worth will crumble, especially if it’s from a key person in your life. This will happen, because you’ll always have critics and won’t be able to make everyone like you. You’ll always have someone, whether it’s a coworker, “friend,” or an ex who doesn’t approve of you, which will cause lingering doubts about who you are.
3. I am what I have
The third way to answer the “Who am I?” question is by referring to your possession, both tangible and intangible. You may find your identity in your social class, ethnic background, relationship status, education, looks, clothes, or any other material possessions. You look to these markers to show others who you are and how much value you have.
When you base your identity on having all of the ‘right’ things, you may be happy for part of life, but eventually, one or more of them will slip away, whether through change, loss, or ultimately death. This will cause your self-worth to plummet, depending on the importance of the loss, and leave you feeling worthless and helpless in a life you can’t co
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