Podcast Summary
Discover gentle care for babies and perfect fits for parents: Pampers Swaddlers absorb wetness better, offer 100% leak proof protection, and pair with free gentle wipes made from 100% plant-based cloth. 3rd love revolutionized bra shopping with half cup sizes and a virtual fitting room.
When it comes to taking care of our little ones, we need to be as gentle and protective as possible. Pampers, the number one pediatrician recommended diaper brand, offers gentle protective care with their Swaddlers diaper, which absorbs wetness better and provides 100% leak proof skin protection. Pairing Swaddlers with Pampers free and gentle wipes, made from 100% plant-based cloth, ensures healthy skin for your baby. Meanwhile, when it comes to finding the perfect bra, 3rd love has got you covered. They revolutionized the industry by introducing half cup sizes and a virtual fitting room, helping to solve the problem of size exclusivity and guessing what bra will fit. Now, let's talk about parenting and self-reparenting. Dr. Becky offers a fresh perspective on consequences and punishment, suggesting that actions are moments and consequences, rather than skills. Instead of relying on punishment, she encourages focusing on the antecedent to effectively change behavior. In summary, whether it's caring for your baby, finding the right bra, or rethinking your approach to parenting and self-care, there are solutions to make your life easier and more enjoyable. Pampers, 3rd love, and Dr. Becky all offer valuable insights and tools to help you navigate these challenges.
Understanding and addressing behavior before it happens: Focus on guiding children before impulses lead to misbehavior, building connection and teaching valuable skills.
Effective discipline involves understanding the child's behavior and addressing it before it happens, rather than focusing on punishments after the fact. The speaker emphasizes the importance of embodying authority and practicing skills with children instead of using shame or punishment. She uses the example of her own desire to eat chocolate before dinner, and how it's not a matter of disrespect, but a struggle with self-control. Similarly, children may struggle with impulses and need guidance and practice to learn self-control. By focusing on the before, parents can build connection and teach valuable skills, increasing the likelihood of positive behavior in the future.
Focus on understanding and addressing underlying needs instead of punishing: Instead of reacting to unwanted behaviors with punishment, focus on self-compassion, self-care, recognizing behavior functions, and validating emotions to create effective and compassionate solutions.
Instead of focusing on punishing ourselves or our children after an unwanted behavior, we should focus on understanding and addressing the underlying needs that led to the behavior. Dr. Becky emphasizes the importance of self-compassion and self-care beforehand to prevent unwanted behaviors. She also suggests recognizing the function of the behavior and validating the emotions behind it. Using the example of teaching a child how to swim instead of punishing them for not knowing, she highlights the importance of guiding and supporting instead of reacting with judgment or punishment. By shifting our perspective and approach, we can create a more effective and compassionate solution for both ourselves and our children.
Building strong connections with children: Parents should focus on connection and communication to foster healthy relationships, help children develop skills, and avoid negative consequences of fear-based attachment.
Effective communication and understanding between parents and children is crucial for fostering healthy relationships and skill development. Instead of approaching parenting from a place of obedience or fear, parents should aim to build strong connections with their children, allowing them to listen and respond to their own inner voice while also understanding the importance of following rules and expectations. This approach can help children develop essential skills and avoid negative consequences associated with fear-based attachment. By focusing on connection and communication, parents can create an environment where children feel safe, valued, and encouraged to be their authentic selves.
Understanding disobedience as a symptom of a lack of connection: To improve listening issues with children, parents should validate their experiences, empathize with their feelings, and work on the relationship rather than focusing on individual disobedience.
Effective communication and connection are key to addressing listening issues with children. Instead of viewing disobedience as a sign of disrespect, it's essential to understand it as a symptom of a lack of connection. Parents can validate their children's experiences, empathize with their feelings, and work together to improve the relationship. For children who are more self-focused, it's crucial to tolerate their distress and help them develop empathy by encouraging them to consider others' perspectives. By focusing on the relationship rather than the individual, parents can foster a more cooperative and harmonious household.
Teaching children to tolerate frustration is crucial before empathy can develop.: Parents should teach children to tolerate their feelings to foster empathy, starting with their own emotions. Setting boundaries and allowing consequences can help children learn valuable life skills.
Teaching children to tolerate frustration is crucial before they can develop empathy. Regulation precedes empathy. When children are overwhelmed with their feelings, they lack empathy for others. However, many parents skip this step due to the challenges it presents. These children, often labeled as "family hostages," can be scary due to their intense emotions. Their needs are frequently accommodated, creating an entitlement mentality. For instance, a child who has always had their frustration relieved may throw tantrums just like a toddler denied a toy. To help these children, parents need to teach them to tolerate feelings, starting with their own. Parents can practice this by setting boundaries and allowing their children to experience the consequences of their actions. This not only benefits the child but also prevents one child's demands from dictating family dynamics. It's essential to remember that learning to deal with frustration is a valuable life skill.
Helping children navigate difficult emotions: Validating children's feelings and staying present during tough times fosters resilience, allowing for the emergence of happiness
Building resilience in children is not about pursuing constant happiness, but rather helping them tolerate distress and a wide range of emotions. Parents can do this by validating their children's feelings and being present with them during difficult moments. This approach fosters resilience, which ultimately allows for the emergence of happiness. Parents should avoid dismissing their children's feelings or trying to distract them from their emotions, as this can make them more fearful of experiencing distress in the future. Instead, parents should sit next to their children on the "bench" of difficult emotions, providing them with the attachment and support they need to navigate these experiences. By validating their children's feelings and staying connected during tough times, parents help their children develop the resilience they need to face life's challenges and ultimately find happiness.
Parenting involves imperfections and learning opportunities: Embrace mistakes, repair relationships, and prepare for open conversations with children about growth and learning, while investing in comfortable clothing like Vuori.
Parenting is a journey filled with imperfections and learning opportunities. No matter how attuned or good a parent you may be, there will be moments when you'll make mistakes and your children may feel hurt or misunderstood. It's essential to acknowledge these moments, repair the relationship, and remember that these experiences are part of the natural process of growth and unlearning. It's also important to recognize that our children will eventually reach a point where they may reflect on our parenting and identify areas where we could have done better. Instead of taking it personally, we should be prepared to have open and honest conversations with them, understanding that it's not about being a good or bad parent but about being human and learning together. Additionally, investing in comfortable and versatile clothing, like Vuori, can bring joy and comfort to our daily lives.
Parenting: A Journey of Growth and Learning: Strengthen bonds with kids by admitting mistakes, working on self, and handling conflicts with curiosity, compassion, and openness.
Parenting is a journey of growth and learning for both parents and children. Perfection is not the goal, but rather, becoming sturdier and more self-aware individuals who can handle moments of conflict with curiosity, compassion, and openness. Repairing past mistakes and deepening connections with our kids is an empowering opportunity to write new endings to old stories. Apologies are not a sign of weakness, but a chance to add in the missing elements and strengthen our bonds. The more we can admit our mistakes and work on ourselves, the more capable we become of handling our kids' inevitable issues in the future. The goal is not to create perfect kids, but to create sturdier, more resilient parents who can handle the ups and downs of raising the next generation.
Repairing past relationship mistakes: Apologizing and acknowledging past errors can help children develop healthy self-perception and deepen connections in relationships.
Repairing past mistakes in relationships, especially with children, is an essential part of showing love and helping them develop a healthy sense of self. When we fail to repair, children may internalize self-doubt and self-blame, leading to negative self-perception. Apologizing and acknowledging past mistakes to ourselves and our loved ones can begin the process of rewiring and healing. It's crucial not to avoid or freeze out these conversations due to fear of not being a good parent. Instead, approaching these moments with openness and belief in the other person's perspective can lead to deeper connections and understanding.
Learning from past mistakes as a continuous process in parenting: Parents can foster healing and deepen connections by acknowledging past mistakes, validating children's experiences, and focusing on learning and growth.
Parents can foster healing and deepen connections with their children by acknowledging and learning from past mistakes. Glennon Doyle's experience of apologizing to her daughter for past mistakes led her to a new perspective of parenting, where she saw her role as a continuous learner about her child. When children bring forth surprising information, parents can respond by validating their experiences, rather than feeling attacked or defensive. By focusing on learning and growth, parents can redefine their sense of being a good parent and create a stronger bond with their children. Additionally, raising brave and courageous children in a challenging world requires parents to center their children's experiences and support them in standing up for themselves.
Validate children's experiences and feelings: Actively listen and support children through their experiences to build resilience and trust in themselves, even during difficult moments
To raise brave, grounded, and bold children in a challenging world, it's crucial to first center their experiences and validate their feelings. This means actively listening to their stories, asking specific questions, and infusing your supportive presence into their memories, even if those moments were difficult or lonely. By doing so, you help build resilience and instill the belief that their experiences matter, regardless of how society or authority figures may react. This approach empowers children to trust themselves and understand that sometimes, the world may be wrong, but they are not.
Validate children's feelings and experiences: Acknowledging emotions and assumptions builds trust and self-knowledge, fostering confidence and individuality in children.
Fostering a strong sense of self-worth and self-knowing in children starts with validating their feelings and experiences from a young age. This means acknowledging their emotions and assumptions, even when we don't fully understand the cause. By doing so, we help children trust themselves and develop self-knowledge. Additionally, celebrating their differences and individuality encourages them to explore their inner world and build confidence. This approach, as discussed by Glenna and Abby, can contribute to raising children who don't need to "untame" themselves later in life.
Understanding the impact of upbringing on self-perception and relationships: Addressing past wounds from relationships with parents can lead to personal growth and societal change, creating a world where individuals feel valued and supported.
The way we are raised and the relationships we form with our parents can significantly impact our self-perception and relationships with others throughout our lives. By addressing and healing the wounds from our past, we can not only improve our own lives but also contribute to the evolution of the human race. This is not just about better parenting, but about creating an environment where individuals feel seen, heard, and valued from the beginning. This can lead to massive sociological and political changes as people become more confident, sturdy, and able to give love and support to their children. As the podcast "We Can Do Hard Things" emphasizes, we can all do hard things and make a difference, both in our own lives and in the world around us.
