Podcast Summary
Defining Success on Our Own Terms: Angela Duckworth emphasizes setting personal standards for success, not letting societal expectations dictate our sense of achievement, and finding happiness in living an average or mediocre life if it resonates with us.
The definition of success and living an average or mediocre life is subjective and depends on how individuals define it for themselves. Angela Duckworth, a leading expert on grit, emphasizes that it's essential to set our own standards and not let societal expectations dictate our sense of success. While some people may strive for high achievement, others may find happiness and fulfillment in living a more relaxed, average life. Ultimately, it's crucial to define success on our own terms and not compare ourselves to others. As Ambika Nadkarni asked in the podcast, "Is there value in living an average life or even a mediocre life?" The answer is yes, as long as individuals are content with their choices and define success in a way that resonates with them.
Finding Balance: Striving for Excellence vs Enjoying the Moment: Strive for excellence in some areas while accepting mediocrity in others and enjoying the experience. Balance societal pressure to excel with the joy of participation.
There are different ways to approach various aspects of life, and it's essential to find a balance between striving for excellence and enjoying the moment. Perfectionism can be both normal and neurotic, and while neurotic perfectionism can lead to negative outcomes like emotional instability and lack of risk-taking, normal perfectionism can have positive aspects. The key is to set realistic expectations for ourselves and understand that it's okay to be mediocre in some areas and focus on enjoying the experience rather than constantly trying to improve. As the New York Times article "In Praise of Mediocrity" suggests, we may have lost the joy of participating in activities just for the sake of it due to societal pressure to excel at everything. It's essential to remember that not every area of our lives needs to be a source of stress and constant improvement. Instead, we can find joy in being present and enjoying the moment, even if we're not the best at it.
Understanding Perfectionism: Balancing High Expectations and Acceptance: Embrace the natural process of making mistakes and learning from them, while setting high expectations and striving for excellence in a healthy way.
Perfectionism comes in different forms, and while setting high expectations and striving for excellence can be positive, an unhealthy obsession with perfection and fear of making mistakes can lead to unnecessary stress and missed opportunities for joy in life. It's essential to understand that making mistakes and falling short of expectations is a natural part of the growth process, and it's important to be able to bounce back and keep going. Human beings have an instinctive desire to set goals and work towards them, and it's important to be willing to embrace the challenges that come with pursuing those goals, even if we don't always reach them. In a business context, it's important to recognize the difference between a mediocre life and one of excelling, and to understand that both have their merits. Ultimately, it's about finding a healthy balance between setting high expectations and being willing to accept the inevitable ups and downs that come with striving for excellence.
Balancing Superstars and Rock Stars: Successful organizations need both high-performing superstars and talented rock stars. Superstars drive growth and change, while rock stars provide stability and consistency. Setting realistic expectations and striving for excellence in your current role is key to a fulfilling career, whether as a superstar or a rock star.
Building a successful organization requires a balance between superstars and rock stars. Superstars are high performers with rapid growth trajectories who are willing to push themselves to the limits and take on new challenges. They are essential for driving growth and change within the organization. However, focusing solely on superstars can lead to neglecting the importance of rock stars. Rock stars are talented individuals who are content with their roles and have deep expertise in their areas. They provide stability and consistency within the organization, filling crucial mid-level manager roles. While they may not have the same ambition for upward mobility as superstars, their contributions are still invaluable. The key to a happy and fulfilling career, whether as a superstar or a rock star, lies in setting realistic expectations and striving for excellence in your current role. The concept of a "rock star life" does not equate to mediocrity but rather to being excellent while recognizing that not everyone needs to reach the pinnacle of their field. Instead, it's about focusing on personal growth and making a meaningful impact in your current position.
The impact of prediction error on happiness: Recognize and appreciate what we have to reduce the gap between expectations and reality, as constant lowering of expectations can be challenging for true happiness.
Our happiness and unhappiness can be influenced by the gap between our expectations and reality, a concept known as prediction error. This gap can be used to guide behavior by doing more of things that bring positive prediction error and less of things that bring negative prediction error. However, constantly lowering expectations to avoid negative prediction error can be challenging, and some people may struggle to do so. A famous anecdote involving authors Kurt Vonnegut and Joseph Heller illustrates the importance of recognizing that we have enough, as true happiness may come from acknowledging and being content with what we have.
Balancing happiness, kindness, and excellence in children: Parents can encourage children to strive for excellence while embracing grace and unconditional acceptance, leading to grit and life satisfaction
Striving for perfection and seeking unconditional acceptance are not mutually exclusive. According to psychologist Bob Emmons, the concept of grace suggests that we are loved and enough just as we are, not because we have met certain expectations or goals. However, this doesn't mean we should stop striving for excellence. During a conversation with Angela and Mike, they discussed the challenge of teaching children to be both happy, kind, and strive for excellence. Mitchell, a father in their vacation group, asked what parents most want for their children and received answers focusing on happiness and kindness. He then questioned how to teach these values while encouraging children to strive for excellence. Angela reflected on her own desire for her children to be kind and happy, but also to achieve excellence. She acknowledged the difficulty in balancing these desires and the importance of teaching children to strive for excellence without becoming perfectionists. The research suggests that grit and life satisfaction are compatible, implying that it is possible to pursue excellence while also embracing grace and unconditional acceptance.
Embrace the journey and pursue goals: Cherish experiences, learn from failures, and have courage to try new things for a fulfilling life
Living a fulfilling life involves both the pursuit of goals and the appreciation of the journey. According to Michelle Obama, it's essential to strive towards a destination while also cherishing the experiences and learning along the way. Fear of failure or looking bad at something can hinder us from starting new ventures and experiencing the joy of growth. Children, for instance, try new things fearlessly and are not as affected by failure as adults. It's crucial to have the courage to be bad at something and embrace the journey, as the destination often provides significant meaning and motivation.
Importance of self-confidence and bouncing back from failure during childhood: Stay focused, present and learn from mistakes to maintain self-confidence and balance ambition with self-acceptance.
Self-confidence and the ability to bounce back from failure are important traits, especially during childhood when we are more likely to have a bold, unwavering belief in ourselves. However, as we grow older, doubt and negative emotions can set in, making it harder to set new goals and learn from mistakes. The speaker shares a personal experience of falling while multitasking and reminds us of the importance of staying focused and present. The speaker also introduces the concept of "fake news" and shares a humorous article about an unambitious man who lives a fulfilling life in his hometown. While the article is a work of fiction, it serves as a reminder to appreciate the simple pleasures in life and not constantly strive for more, especially if it comes at the cost of our well-being. In essence, the discussion highlights the importance of striking a balance between ambition and self-acceptance, and the value of learning from our failures and mistakes.
Exploring the definition of success and mediocrity: Find fulfillment and happiness in your own way, rather than societal expectations. Keep trying your best and reflect on personal goals and definitions of success.
The pursuit of success and the definition of what constitutes a successful life can vary greatly from person to person. Some may strive for prestigious careers and impressive job titles, while others may find happiness in simpler things like family, good kids, and meaningful work. The concept of mediocrity was explored, and it was suggested that if one is trying their best, it's not a mediocre life. The speaker also emphasized the importance of not having two bad days in a row and encouraged listeners to reflect on their own expectations and definitions of success. The episode touched on topics such as unconditional positive regard, striving for goals, and the idea of grace as the antithesis of striving. Ultimately, the conversation highlighted the importance of finding fulfillment and happiness in one's own way, rather than societal expectations.
Personal Experiences of Being Scammed: Always question suspicious activity and never provide sensitive info over phone or email, call directly to verify.
No one is immune to scams, no matter how savvy or experienced they may believe themselves to be. A scammer can be very convincing, and even those who consider themselves to be tech-savvy or financially literate can fall victim. Michael Rexon, Mike Dornbrook, and Denise Rudder Lang shared their personal experiences of being scammed, emphasizing the importance of being vigilant and questioning any suspicious activity. Michael was scammed out of attempting to purchase a gift certificate for his granddaughter, while Denise nearly gave away her login information and PIN to someone posing as her bank. Both were able to recover their losses, but the incidents left them feeling embarrassed and shaken. The key takeaway is to always question anything that seems off, no matter how convincing the scammer may be, and to never provide sensitive information over the phone or through email. Always call your bank or other financial institution directly to verify any suspicious activity.
