Podcast Summary
The Upside of Our 'Dark Side': Embrace uncomfortable emotions to fuel creativity, bravery, and motivation. Being our whole selves, not just our good selves, leads to success and fulfillment.
That while positive emotions are important, we also need to embrace the uncomfortable emotions like anger, selfishness, and guilt as they can fuel creativity, bravery, and motivation. Todd Cashton, a PhD professor of psychology and senior scientist, discusses the upside of our "dark side" and how being our whole selves, not just our good selves, can lead to success and fulfillment. He shares insights on emotional agility and the keys to happiness, which may be different than what we might think. Listeners are encouraged to check out LewisHouse.com/154 for more information and resources related to this episode.
Finding meaning in challenges: Embrace negativity and hardships as opportunities for personal growth and wisdom, rather than obstacles to happiness.
While being positive and finding joy in life is important, it's not the only aspect of living a good life. Sometimes, negativity and the willingness to endure difficult situations can lead to personal growth, wisdom, and a greater sense of meaning and purpose. This was emphasized through the speaker's own experiences in sports and relationships, where the drive to succeed came not only from pleasure but also from a deeper sense of meaning and the desire to overcome challenges. The ability to delay gratification and persevere through hardships is crucial for personal growth and the development of healthy relationships and businesses in the long term.
Overcoming setbacks and adversity: Despite setbacks and adversity, determination and passion can help us learn valuable lessons and bring us closer to those around us.
It's natural and valid to feel angry, upset, and distraught when we face disappointments and setbacks, especially when we've put significant effort into achieving a goal. The speaker's story of enduring multiple injuries and setbacks to pursue his athletic career highlights the determination and passion that comes with such experiences. While it may be tempting to focus on the negative aspects, it's important to remember that these challenges can also bring us closer to those around us and help us learn valuable lessons. Ultimately, the way we respond to adversity says a lot about who we are and what drives us.
Shared painful experiences strengthen bonds: Experiencing and enduring pain together builds strong connections, respect, and admiration.
Shared experiences, particularly painful ones, can lead to stronger bonds between individuals. This phenomenon has evolutionary roots, as our ancestors relied on strong social connections for survival. The ability to tolerate pain is also crucial for a fulfilling life, as it allows us to grow and endure challenges. This skill is trainable, and those who can tolerate pain, whether physically or emotionally, are often respected and admired. Examples of such individuals include athletes who push through pain during training and comedians who face the challenge of making an audience laugh consistently.
Embracing Pain and Emotional Agility: Comedians and personal growth require emotional resilience. Pain is natural during learning and can lead to growth, confidence, and connection.
The ability to tolerate pain and emotional agility are key to living a meaningful and happy life. This can be applied to various aspects of life, such as comedy or personal growth. Comedians, for instance, need to be willing to fail and experiment with new material in front of an audience, which requires emotional resilience. Similarly, in personal growth, learning new skills or hobbies often involves a learning curve and associated discomfort. To build this muscle, engaging in daily practices like exercise, reading, or learning from people who intimidate us can help us grow and evolve as individuals. It's important to remember that pain is a natural part of the learning process, and embracing it can lead to increased confidence, connection with others, and a sense of accomplishment.
Challenging ourselves physically and socially builds resilience: Engaging in interval training and diverse social interactions broadens perspectives and increases tolerance for stress and diverse viewpoints
Both physical and social experiences can help build resilience and broaden our perspectives. From a physical standpoint, interval training can prepare the body for dealing with stress and pressure by simulating the body's response to mini traumas. Socially, engaging with individuals who have different perspectives and backgrounds can increase our tolerance for diverse viewpoints and expand our social circle. These experiences can help us become more confident and adaptable in various situations. So, whether it's through intense workouts or meaningful interactions, it's essential to challenge ourselves and step outside of our comfort zones to grow and thrive.
Embracing challenges to build resilience: Facing fears through creating challenges can help reduce the pain of rejection and build resilience. Recognize that life is a game and learn to diffuse uncomfortable emotions for personal growth.
Facing and overcoming fears through creating challenges or "games" can help individuals build resilience and reduce the pain associated with rejection or uncomfortable situations. This was exemplified by the speaker's experience of approaching girls in high school, which helped him become more confident and less afraid of rejection. The speaker also emphasized the importance of recognizing that life is a game and learning to diffuse uncomfortable emotions like fear, anger, envy, and jealousy, rather than trying to eliminate them completely. By learning to sit with and play with these emotions, individuals can grow and develop, as demonstrated by the diverse range of people interviewed for the speaker's book, including snipers, Navy SEALs, congressmen, and mixed martial arts champions.
Staying agile emotionally and mentally: Fearless individuals use fear as a signal, mindfulness helps in making informed decisions, and embracing emotions while being present is key to success.
Being emotionally and mentally agile is crucial for success in various fields, from sports to business and beyond. Contrary to popular belief, fearless individuals do experience fear, but they use it as a signal to stay alert and focused. The current era's information overload makes mindfulness a valuable skill, allowing us to be calm, centered, and present while making informed decisions. However, constant mindfulness is not desirable, as daydreaming and non-judgmental thinking can lead to innovative ideas and solutions. Embrace your emotions and use them to your advantage, but also know when to be fully present and focused.
Staying focused and present for effective navigation: Acknowledge negative experiences, learn from them, and maintain balance between mindfulness, positivity, and emotional intelligence.
Being present and focused, like a baseball player keeping their gaze on the ball, is essential for effectively navigating through life's complexities. However, complete mindfulness isn't necessary all the time, and emotional agility is crucial for building trust and understanding in different cultural contexts. Negative experiences can have a stronger impact than positive ones due to our evolutionary wiring. It's essential to acknowledge and learn from these experiences while maintaining a balance between mindfulness, positivity, and emotional intelligence.
Brains wired for survival, not happiness: Focus on a meaningful life and goals, allowing happiness to come as a byproduct, honor all personality facets to navigate challenges
Our brains are wired for survival and focused on forming alliances, finding mates, and gaining status rather than pursuing happiness as a primary goal. This evolutionary design can make it difficult to prioritize happiness in our lives. Instead, we should strive for a meaningful life and work towards our goals, allowing happiness to come as a byproduct. Additionally, our personalities have multiple facets, and it's essential to honor the anxious and pessimistic side, as it often serves as a warning system to help us navigate challenges and avoid potential risks. Understanding this perspective can help us better cope with failures and bounce back stronger.
Harnessing the Power of Anger: Instead of suppressing or fearing anger, learn to channel it into assertive and productive actions. Focus on the behavior causing the problem and find a win-win solution.
Anger is a common and misunderstood emotion that can be harnessed effectively instead of being feared or suppressed. Anger is not always synonymous with rage, but can manifest as frustration or simple upset. For instance, women in the workforce often face the challenge of earning less than their male counterparts, despite bringing in more business and providing better service. Instead of trying to eliminate anger, it's crucial to learn how to channel it into assertive and productive actions. In the example given, instead of attacking the smokers at a restaurant by insulting them, focus on the behavior that's causing the problem and find a win-win solution. By shifting the focus from the person to the behavior, it's more likely to lead to a positive outcome and avoid unnecessary conflict.
Expressing Anger and Guilt: Tools for Positive Change: Expressing emotions like anger and guilt in a healthy way can lead to stronger relationships and personal growth.
Expressing emotions, especially anger and guilt, in a healthy and vulnerable way can help build connections and improve relationships. Anger should be proportional to the problem and not lead to avoidance, while guilt can motivate us to repair relationships and grow from our mistakes. It's important to remember that vulnerability and emotional agility can be sources of strength and attract people to us. The speaker shared his personal experiences of expressing anger and guilt in various situations, emphasizing the importance of these emotions in our lives. He also highlighted the benefits of feeling guilty, as it can lead to personal growth and improved relationships. Overall, the conversation underscored the importance of embracing our emotions and using them as tools for positive change.
Understanding the Impact of Emotions on Leadership: Emotions like guilt, sadness, anger, and envy can have positive outcomes depending on the situation. Emotional agility is key for effective leadership, allowing us to use emotions to achieve goals instead of being consumed by them.
As leaders, it's important to understand the impact of emotions on individuals and teams. Guilt and shame are not the same. While guilt can lead to improvement, shame can result in avoidance and retreat. Additionally, negative emotions like sadness, anger, embarrassment, guilt, self-doubt, selfishness, and mindlessness can have positive outcomes depending on the situation. For instance, sadness can lead to increased support and care, better lie detection, and improved memory. Envy, on the other hand, can motivate us to work harder and strive for improvement. As leaders, being emotionally agile and understanding which emotional state is best for a given situation can lead to better outcomes. It's not about being happy or sad all the time, but rather about using emotions effectively to achieve goals.
Learning from negative emotions: Envy and self-doubt can be used as tools for personal growth. Instead of trying to eliminate them, embrace them and find ways to harness their power to learn and improve.
Instead of trying to eliminate negative emotions like envy and self-doubt, we should learn to use them as tools for personal growth. Envy can motivate us to learn from others and improve ourselves, while self-doubt can drive us to acquire new knowledge and skills. By embracing these emotions and finding ways to harness their power, we can become more agile and resilient in the face of life's challenges. As the speaker noted, even the best teachers and most successful people experience self-doubt and envy, but they don't let these emotions hold them back. Instead, they use them as opportunities to learn and grow. So the next time you feel a pang of envy or a twinge of self-doubt, try sitting with it and asking yourself, "What can I learn from this emotion? How can I use it to move forward?" The answer might surprise you.
Embrace complex traits for social potency: Learning from uncomfortable traits can lead to increased effectiveness and social potency, as shown by figures like Teddy Roosevelt and Kobe Bryant.
Our complex personalities, including traits that may be uncomfortable or socially inappropriate, can hold valuable behaviors that can be beneficial in certain situations. Using Teddy Roosevelt as an example, the "Teddy effect" refers to embracing and learning from such traits, rather than hiding them. Narcissism, for instance, can manifest in healthy and unhealthy ways. A healthy narcissist, like Kobe Bryant, strives for uniqueness and admiration, pushing themselves to work harder and become a better leader. Understanding and utilizing these traits can lead to increased social potency and effectiveness.
Balancing Self-Improvement and Happiness: Appreciate the present while striving for growth, recognizing the influence of both internal and external factors on happiness.
Narcissism, while often seen as a negative trait, can have a healthy side when used to drive self-improvement and inspiration in others. However, an unhealthy obsession with rivals and rankings can be detrimental by wasting energy that could be used for growth. Additionally, the perspective on happiness varies between cultures, with some viewing it as largely influenced by fate or luck, while in the US, it's seen as a controllable state of mind. This difference may be due to the independent and optimistic nature of American culture, but it's important to remember that happiness is influenced by many factors beyond our control. To find fulfillment in life, it's essential to strike a balance between appreciating the present moment and striving for future growth.
Embracing our 'dark side' emotions for personal growth: Acknowledging and accepting 'dark side' emotions can fuel personal growth and success. Gratitude and self-acceptance are crucial components of greatness.
While we cannot fully control our moods due to external factors like other people and hormones, we can learn to manage our mindset and respond positively to challenges. Author Todd Cashden emphasizes the importance of acknowledging and embracing our "dark side" emotions, as they can fuel personal growth and success. Cashden's book, "The Upside of Your Dark Side," offers insights into this concept. Gratitude and self-acceptance are key components of greatness, according to Cashden. He shared that he is most grateful for his loving family and defines greatness as the ability to embrace all aspects of one's personality, no matter how unusual or awkward they may be.
Exploring emotions and managing them effectively: Learning about emotions' science and practical tips for handling them is crucial for personal growth. Listen to the School of Greatness podcast for insightful discussions with experts.
Understanding emotions and learning how to manage them effectively is a crucial aspect of personal growth. The conversation with Todd, an expert in the field, provided valuable insights into the science behind emotions and practical tips for handling them. If you enjoyed this episode, consider subscribing to the School of Greatness podcast for more insightful discussions with brilliant minds. Don't forget to leave a review and spread the word to help grow the community. For more resources and tips from this episode, visit louishouse.com/one-five-four. Remember, the larger the community, the more incredible individuals can be brought on to share their knowledge. So keep engaging and promoting the show. It's free, and it's all about bringing value to you. Let's continue to learn, grow, and do something great together.
