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    #198 Maya Shankar: The Science of Identity

    en-usJuly 09, 2024
    How does mindset influence goal setting and achievement?
    What lesson did Maya Shankar learn from her audition experience?
    How can identity impact critical thinking and open-mindedness?
    What is the importance of 'wiggle room' in identity discussions?
    How can effective communication improve perspective-changing conversations?

    Podcast Summary

    • Identity and GoalsOur identity can be a powerful tool or limitation, and it's crucial to understand its impact on our lives and use it to our advantage. Be entrepreneurial, seize opportunities, and avoid negative self-labels.

      Our mindset and identity play a significant role in setting and accomplishing our goals. We can be overly ambitious with our goals, but it's essential to avoid negative self-labels that may hinder our progress. The way we frame our goals can also impact our ability to accomplish them. For instance, Maya Shankar shared her experience of unexpectedly auditioning for a Juilliard teacher and ultimately getting in, which taught her the importance of being entrepreneurial and seizing opportunities. Similarly, when her dreams of becoming a concert violinist were shattered at 15 due to a hand injury, she had to redefine her identity and set new goals. Overall, our identity can be a powerful tool or limitation, and it's crucial to understand its impact on our lives and use it to our advantage.

    • Identity and PassionsUnderstanding the root causes of our passions and finding meaning in those reasons can help maintain a sense of identity during life's changes and challenges

      Our identities can be deeply connected to specific aspects of our lives, such as a cherished hobby or a career. Losing that connection can lead to a profound sense of grief and disorientation, as the speaker discovered when she was forced to give up playing the violin. This experience led her to explore the concept of identity further, both as a cognitive scientist and in her podcast, where she interviews people who have undergone significant changes and had to redefine themselves. The speaker emphasizes the importance of understanding the root causes of our passions and finding meaning and worth in those reasons, rather than in the specific expressions of those passions. By doing so, we can better navigate the inevitable changes and challenges of life and maintain a sense of continuity and identity.

    • Identity NarrativesHaving expansive and malleable identities can help us grow and adapt to life's challenges, while recognizing and being honest about our true selves provides stability and motivation.

      Our identity is a narrative we tell ourselves, and it can be limiting if we typecast ourselves. Instead, having expansive and malleable identities can help us grow and adapt to life's challenges. Our identities should not be fixed, but multifaceted, allowing us to draw upon different layers of meaning and purpose. It's important to recognize that our identities can influence our actions and behavior, so it's essential to be honest with ourselves and others about who we truly are. Additionally, having a clear sense of identity can provide stability and motivation, especially during uncertain times. Ultimately, our identities should be rooted in reality and flexible enough to evolve as we grow and learn.

    • Identity impact on discussionsStrive for wiggle room within identity spaces and communicate messages grounded in moral values to foster productive and open-minded discussions.

      Our identities, whether based on beliefs, groups, or behaviors, can significantly influence how we perceive information and engage in discussions. This can lead to less critical thinking and less openness to changing our minds. To mitigate this, we should strive for "wiggle room" within identity spaces, allowing for diverse opinions while still maintaining group membership. Additionally, communicating messages grounded in moral values that affirm the views of those we disagree with can be more effective in changing perspectives. Ultimately, understanding the impact of identity on our thought processes and learning to navigate these complexities can help us engage in more productive and open-minded discussions.

    • Effective communicationEffective communication using relatable messengers and genuine curiosity can bridge gaps and open minds to new ways of thinking, even in contentious conversations or situations with low trust in institutions.

      Effective communication and messaging are key to promoting pro-environmental actions and policies, even among groups with differing values or mistrust in authority figures. Using relatable and trusted messengers, as well as showing genuine curiosity and understanding for others' perspectives, can help bridge gaps and open minds to new ways of thinking. This approach, known as motivational interviewing or deep canvassing, can be particularly effective in contentious conversations or situations where trust in institutions is low. Ultimately, it's important to recognize that progress can be made at both the individual and systemic levels, and that every interaction, no matter how small, can contribute to positive change.

    • Effective communicationAsking more questions and making statements less frequently validates the other person's perspective and opens their mind to new ideas. Asking 'What evidence would you need to change your mind?' can lead to meaningful progress in the conversation. Using identity to accomplish goals and framing goals in terms of proactive behaviors can make goal setting more sustainable and achievable.

      Effective communication involves asking more questions and making statements less frequently. This approach validates the other person's perspective and opens their mind to new ideas. When asking questions, try asking, "What evidence would you need to change your mind about this?" This presupposes a willingness to consider new information and can lead to meaningful progress in the conversation. Additionally, using identity as a means to accomplish goals can be effective. Framing goals in terms of proactive behaviors and introducing emergency reserves can make goal setting more sustainable and achievable.

    • Human behavior and motivation in goal-settingUnderstanding human complexities, setting realistic goals, debunking myths with affirmative statements, framing goals as approach goals, and recognizing personal agency can enhance goal-setting success.

      Setting goals effectively requires understanding the complexities of human behavior and motivation. When it comes to achieving our aspirations, we often face challenges due to the empathy gap between our present and future selves. To bridge this gap, it's essential to set realistic, achievable goals that don't threaten our aspirational identities. Additionally, debunking myths through negative messaging can actually reinforce those myths, so it's more effective to focus on affirmative statements that strengthen the connection between correct information and desired outcomes. Framing goals as approach goals rather than avoidant goals can also impact our motivation, as the former promotes endurance and intrinsic motivation. Finally, feeling a sense of personal agency in goal-setting can significantly improve our chances of success. By recognizing these factors and applying them thoughtfully, we can set ourselves up for greater success in achieving our goals.

    • Choice architecture and motivationUsing choice architecture to make healthy choices easier and setting short-term goals during less motivated periods can help us achieve our goals more effectively

      Designing our environments to make healthy choices easier and limiting the duration of less motivating periods can help us achieve our goals more effectively. Maya Gurantz discussed the concept of choice architecture and how it can be used to influence our behavior, such as placing healthy food at eye level in cafeterias. She also mentioned the "middle problem" of motivation, where motivation dips during the middle of goal pursuit. To combat this, she suggested setting short-term goals to minimize the length of less motivated periods. Additionally, she introduced the concept of temptation bundling, which involves pairing an undesirable task with a desirable activity to increase motivation. Overall, these strategies can help us make the most of our motivation and make progress towards our goals.

    • Understanding othersUnderstanding why people behave the way they do makes it hard to hate them. Offering an ear and trying to understand others leads to greater happiness and success in life.

      Understanding and compassion towards others can lead to greater happiness and success in life. According to the speaker, allowing people to feel understood in their challenges can help reduce suffering and silence, leading to a happier society. As a cognitive scientist, the speaker has found that understanding why people behave the way they do makes it hard to hate them. Offering an ear and trying to understand where someone is coming from is key to being a successful person. The speaker emphasizes that this understanding does not mean agreement, but rather an effort to connect with others on a deeper level. For those interested in the speaker's reflections on this topic and more, they can become supporting members of The Knowledge Project and access private podcast feeds with ad-free episodes and exclusive content. Additionally, the speaker's new book "Clear Thinking" offers tools for mastering decision-making and setting oneself up for success.

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    Watch the episode on YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/c/theknowledgeproject/videos⁠

    Newsletter - I share timeless insights and ideas you can use at work and home. Join over 600k others every Sunday and subscribe to Brain Food. Try it: ⁠https://fs.blog/newsletter/⁠

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    #196 Brent Beshore: Business Brilliance and Happiness at Home

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    Watch the episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/theknowledgeproject/videos

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    Join our membership: https://fs.blog/membership/

    Sponsors:

    Shopify: Making commerce better for everyone. https://www.shopify.com/shane

    Protekt: Simple solutions to support healthy routines. Enter the code "Knowledge" at checkout to receive 30% off your order. https://protekt.com/knowledge


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    #195 Morgan Housel: Get Rich, Stay Rich

    #195 Morgan Housel: Get Rich, Stay Rich

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    (1:04:11) How to manage your expectations

    (01:06:26) How to talk to kids about money

    (01:09:52) The biggest risk to capitalism

    (01:13:56) The magic of compounding

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    (01:35:42) Parting wisdom and thoughts on success

    #194 Abigail Shrier: The Parent-Therapy Trap

    #194 Abigail Shrier: The Parent-Therapy Trap
    Over the last decade, therapy has become the de facto solution to solve all sorts of problems for all sorts of people. Everyone has slowly accepted that therapy is normal and a net benefit to society.

    But instead of helping kids work through difficult circumstances, what if it's just making the problems worse? That's what Abigail Shrier thinks is happening, and in this conversation, she reveals some surprising reasons why.

    Shane and Shrier discuss the real reason therapy is "bad," how we got to this point of acceptance as a culture, and what you can do as a parent to get back to normalcy. Shrier also shares her experiences with lifelong therapy patients, who should actually be in therapy, and the one thing that makes someone a successful parent.

    Watch the episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/theknowledgeproject/videos

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    Shopify: Making commerce better for everyone. https://www.shopify.com/shane

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    (00:00) Intro
    (05:44) Inverse: How do we raise mentally unstable kids?
    (08:29) How we got to now
    (11:45) Bad therapy...or just social trends?
    (13:21) Being your kids' friend: good or bad?
    (15:55) The parenting type that raises the BEST kids
    (21:35) Is this all the parents' fault?
    (29:53) Is "Bad Therapy" a world-wide problem?
    (32:57) Talk to your kids' therapist about these things
    (42:09) The importance of facing adversity in childhood
    (47:06) Can we blame grad schools for all of this?
    (49:14) On technology and social media
    (51:03) Schools should "never" have gotten involved in mental health
    (54:43) Did COVID accelerate "bad therapy?"
    (56:07) How to return to normalcy
    (58:21) Why Shane shares negative YouTube comments with his kids
    (01:01:23) Shrier's experience being "cancelled"
    (01:04:13) On prestige media
    (01:07:47) Small steps parents can take to return to normal
    (01:11:02) Dealing with schools saying one thing and parents saying another
    (01:13:32) Why is the silent majority...silent?
    (01:16:32) If this continues, what happens?
    (01:18:19) What makes someone a successful parent?

    #193: Dr. Jim Loehr: Change the Stories You Tell Yourself

    #193: Dr. Jim Loehr: Change the Stories You Tell Yourself

    What if reaching the next level of success wasn't determined by another skill, degree, or course but by something that changed on the inside?

    That's what Dr. Jim Loehr believes, and in this episode, he reveals everything he knows about mental toughness and winning the mind game. Shane and Loehr discuss the radical importance of the stories you tell yourself—including how they can damage your kids—and how to change the negative stories you believe. Loehr also shares the best reflection questions to ask yourself to reveal personal blindspots, the importance of rituals for calming anxiety and performing under pressure, and how the best in the world use their recovery time effectively.

    Dr. Jim Loehr is a world-renowned performance psychologist and author of 16 books. From his more than 30 years of experience and applied research, Dr. Loehr believes the single most important factor in successful achievement, personal fulfillment, and life satisfaction is the strength of one’s character. Dr. Loehr possesses a masters and doctorate in psychology and is a full member of the American Psychological Association.

    Watch the episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/theknowledgeproject/videos

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    (00:00) Intro

    (03:20) Parenting and storytelling

    (06:15) How to determine whether or not the stories are limiting or enabling you

    (08:41) What the stories world-class performers tell themselves

    (15:02) How to change the stories you tell yourself

    (23:26) Questions to journal about

    (26:16) Private voices vs. public voices (and how they impact your kids)

    (31:32) How to help your friends change their stories

    (37:30) How to better come alongside your kids to prevent destructive behavior

    (44:48) - (45:06) What Loehr knows about high performers that others miss

    (53:12) On time and energy

    (01:06:26) Conquering the "between point" ritual

    (01:11:50) On rituals vs. habits

    (01:15:54) How to increase your mental toughness

    (01:23:51) On success