What if you don’t want to be a solopreneur forever? What if one day you want to exit from your business or you want to run a fully functioning business that can operate without you in it? Welcome to Episode 221. This conversation is perfect for you if these are the questions on your mind as a business owner, especially one who is a mom (or mum). Meet today’s guest Angela Middleton, MBE.  Angela is the chairman of The Limitless Group, comprising several companies in the workforce and careers development space. A detailed bio is below.

This Episode Covers:

• ·      Unexpected strategies for achieving peak business success: Learn unconventional approaches to reach your full potential as an entrepreneur.
• ·      The connection between health and business: Discover how prioritizing your well-being fuels your entrepreneurial journey.
•      Delegation mastery: Explore effective strategies for delegating tasks and hiring the right people to support your business growth.
•      Risk-averse hiring: Learn how to build a strong team even if you're cautious about taking on big risks.
• ·      The importance of a flexible vision: Gain insights into why adapting your business vision is crucial for long-term success in a dynamic market.

Key Takeaways:

• ·      Prioritizing your health is crucial for long-term business success. This episode emphasizes taking care of yourself as the foundation for building a sustainable and thriving business.
• ·      Delegation is essential for scaling your business.  Even if your product or service directly stems from your unique skills, you can achieve greater success by strategically delegating tasks.
• ·      Adaptability is key.  Your initial business vision may need to adjust over time due to market shifts or evolving client needs.

Excited to hear about these topics? Start listening…as my personal thank you please grab any of the free resources below and of course learn more about today’s guest.

Resources:

Is your business stuck? Take this quiz for moms to maximize your potential - https://quiz.tryinteract.com/#/64fb50ebd9dce900148cdff8  

Grab your seat for my free webinar focused on your 2024 ultimate business success Mom Mogul Makeover - https://witty-thinker-2643.ck.page/7e884a0f0a

Download the 3 questions every visionary mom entrepreneur, founder, or creator must answer for yourself before daring to build new relationships with the moguls, market makers, and/or powerful players who can take her business to the next level.

Grab the 3 questions sign-up HERE - https://witty-thinker-2643.ck.page/21e52edb87

This episode is brought to you by my 9-week group coaching course: Fertile Imagination in Action.

This is a high-touch coaching immersion program designed exclusively for visionary mom founders, entrepreneurs, and creators.

Do you crave a simple, straightforward, and laser-focused approach to expanding your professional network? This program equips you with the tools to connect with individuals who offer:

·       Access to better opportunities: Gain exposure to ventures that can build your credibility, push your boundaries, and enable you to forge connections with influential figures (moguls, market makers, mentors) who can guide your professional journey.

This episode exemplifies my own successful networking strategy, saving me significant resources and yielding substantial benefits.

As a busy mom of three, I understand the value of time. This program eliminates the guesswork from your path to success. You won't waste time connecting solely with individuals at your current level.

Since launching my coaching practice, I've prioritized connecting and learning from accomplished individuals like Angela. I can teach you this same non-traditional networking approach too!

My book, this podcast, and the success of my own mom-life are testaments to the effectiveness of the principles I teach in my program.

Want to learn more? Email me Melissa [at] melissallarena.com  and I’ll send you my calendar link. These spots are very limited. Email me your business website along with why you want to extend your networking community to express your interest in this opportunity and so I can send you free resources that can help you today.

Official Bio For Angela Middleton

Angela is chairman of The Limitless Group, comprising several companies in the workforce and careers development space.

She is host of the ‘IWant2BA’ podcast and the author of the 1st Job Book Series.

Dubbed ‘The Careers Queen’, and a regular commentator in national media, Angela teaches a holistic approach to careers for all ages, combined with physical fitness and mental health.

After completing her own fitness transformation at the age of 55, Angela created the ‘Your Body Means Business’ programme that reveals how you can start your career, optimise your health and grow a successful business.

In 2019, she was awarded an MBE for services to business, employment and apprenticeships, and regularly works with other leading entrepreneurs such as Richard Branson, Tony Robbins and Gary Vaynerchuck.

Angela is a sought after public speaker, regularly appearing at large scale careers and life strategy events.

She is currently the subject of the Limitless Weekly Vlog on Youtube – an online documentary series highlighting behind the scenes of running a business and also hosts #AskAng a business and life Q&A show on Instagram.

Links for more information

https://angelamiddleton.com/

https://www.instagram.com/angelamiddleton/

TRANSCRIPT

Okay, so today's guest is Angela Middleton. Angela is the chairman of the limitless group comprising of several companies in the workforce and careers development space.

 

She's the host of I want to be a podcast. You could check out the spelling in the show notes for her podcast, and she's the author of the first job book series. Dubbed the careers queen and a regular commentator in national media, Angela teaches a holistic approach to careers for all ages, combined with physical fitness and mental health.

 

After completing her own fitness transformation at the age of 55, Angela created the your body means business program that reveals how you can start your career. Optimize your health and grow a successful business. She has worked with other leading entrepreneurs, such as Richard Branson, Tony Robbins, and Gary Vaynerchuk, who was my 10th guest on this very podcast.

 

She is also the subject of the limitless weekly vlog on YouTube. You could check out all her information in the show notes, but for now, if you want to get the guts to talk to people like. Angela Middleton or Tony Robbins or Richard Branson for the, for that matter. I highly suggest that you reach out to me, Melissa at Melissa Llarena, and I will give to you my three questions.

 

So this way you get the guts to talk to anyone and you network effectively so that you can actually take your business to the next level as fast as humanly possible, because that's what we need as moms time matters for sure. Enjoy the conversation. Gillette Middleton, welcome to the podcast. I am delighted to have you all the way from London on this episode.

 

Hi, Melissa. And lovely to be here. Thanks for inviting me.  It's been years. I think we met at the Tony Robbins Business Mastery in Florida. And so this is, I know it's been a long time. It's I feel like you've lived several lives since then. 

 

Well, that I've been in 20. I went to a lot of Tony's things from about 2015 up till about  2018 or 19, the live things anyway.

 

About 2018 it was, I believe. Oh right, yeah, yeah. Although I started going to these events, I think the first one I ever went to was in about 2006. Wow. Yeah, I remember being, thinking it was a business event, having heard of Tony Robbins. turning up in a suit and high shoes and then being flabbergasted that everybody was standing on chairs.

 

He'd not even come on stage by then. So yeah, it was a whole new world for me, I must say. 

 

Absolutely. It's high energy, high enthusiasm and all actions. So I mean very much so inspiring.

 

Very inspiring, very inspiring. And so Angela, let me, let me just ask you, Like a number of questions in terms of business, in terms of business growth and scaling.

 

And the reason why these questions I feel are so appropriate, given your experiences and everything that you've kind of accomplished is you bring so many different perspectives, right? Having worked in a corporate setting, also having had at minimum two businesses, maybe you have even more than two and I just don't know.

 

So I thought we could just get started in terms of a little bit about. The businesses that you currently have, and in terms of the sort of questions you get pertaining to business growth and starting a business, and then we could dig into delegation because that's top of mind for mom entrepreneurs. I did.

 

I worked in the corporate setting and I worked in lots of different departments, everything from HR to it, to sales. marketing. I was very much a sort of business hybrid. And then after that 20 years in two different companies, an oil company and a bank, I set up my first business, which was in recruitment.

 

And after that I had lots of different businesses, but I was always transitioning businesses, bringing them together in groups, selling businesses, acquiring businesses and, and bringing them into sort of the overall group. So I was very interested in building things as opposed to just being in the business.

 

And I guess I did learn that from going to events such as Tony's business mastery very much was it was in creation mode. And,  and then, I think through, uh, the, the financial crisis, when we, we obviously were impacted by it, like many others. And my philosophy there was very much while we have some great clients, they really like us, but they're not hiring staff at the moment.

 

So what else do they want? And that took me in all sorts of different directions, training their existing staff, helping them restructure. I had finance company that I acquired to help them with their financial planning and events company. Which we started from scratch and was really successful. And it meant that we really created great networks of clients for when things improved.

 

So, and then I got very interested in the link between health and fitness and how that would actually influence business. Cause I sort of went through a bit of a fitness transition myself in 2018, actually, when we met. And I was really astounded that some of the things that I I'd found difficult in business to sort of get to that next level, because I think you get to a level in business where you're sort of comfortable and you plateau a bit. And I, I'd found it quite difficult to go beyond a plateau and it seemed like all of a sudden the fitness and the mindset work that I'd been doing really sort of, it wasn't a coincidence that at the same time that that was happening. We sort of exploded through that plateau and went on to achieve a lot more things.

 

And I was just so prolific as well. I was doing loads of other things. I felt like I was less busy at work. It was funny. And so then after that, I started to coach performance. I became qualified personal trainer.  I was, uh, I became qualified as a life coach, a relationship coach.  I then did some work in with neuroscience with Joe Dispenza and qualified as a consultant, teaching some of his staff.

 

So there's been many things that I've sort of brought together and now I do. Individuals business owners and do coaching with them but my main focus is going into corporates and working with their management team and  approaching business from a way that there may be is very new to them so I coach their management teams in a body then mindset and then we go back to business and we introduce all sorts of other things as well like manifestation and energy and longevity and just basically try to help them create a team of super beings that's what they tend to want.

 

Sounds like it. And so it's interesting in terms of the body first and then mindset, was that intentional or is that something that I guess they asked for because they want to see visible results right away?

 

No, I think it really came from my own experience. Because I think there's a lot that we can do with our mind alone and we sort of can succeed and mum, mothers will obviously relate to this and we're really busy and we're sleep deprived and we're putting everybody else first.

 

And still we managed to do great things, especially in business and we sort of, but we end up because of the power of the mind. Even if we're not treating our bodies as well as we could and nutrition and everything, we still end up achieving, but it's almost despite our body, not because of. And once we add in the physical side and we start to feel, I always call the body a taxi.

 

Once we, a taxi for the brain. Once we start fueling it properly, looking after it properly, maintaining it, it's amazing because now we've got this taxi, which will ferry the brain about so much more effectively.  And of course the brain is just as much as part of our body as a bicep. So you may be able to see the impact of training and so on in your body.

 

But you can feel it in your mind. So that's why I always approach body first.  Excuse me. Although these days,  sort of simultaneously, I try to do, do them hand in hand is a bit like chicken and egg. I'm not quite sure  if you can do one without the other. But for me, yeah, the body, we get started on the body because  people start to feel better.

 

And so then they're more inclined to want to start to think a different way naturally.  Hmm.

 

I love that. That's kind of like the baseline. Just once, once the temple is tended to, then it's like, okay, now we could move up to the brain. I mean, it's, it requires so many calories, so much energy. So absolutely.

 

Yeah. And so of course, if we're feeling. I mean, I had many, many staff in about 2018 when that was a time when I had a big sort of bricks and 14 offices and about 130 staff. And I used to definitely see a pattern, a link between business performance and individuals that were interested in sport,  wouldn't move their body, had like a clear routine.

 

And yeah. So I knew that there was something in it. I always used to, I started looking when I was interviewing people, I started particularly looking out for individuals, had those other dimensions to them and it wasn't all about just career credentials.  That makes a lot of sense. Yeah, I mean, at the end of the day, we are, we are a machine.

 

I mean, why do we expect to perform using only one aspect of ourselves, the, our sort of academic capability or our skills? Why not use all the other pillars of performance? 

 

I think, I think for a lot of people, it's almost like, It feels like it requires so much just to think clearly and I know that we're forcing it if we're not tending to our body.

 

I know that if you start lifting weights, like for me at least, there's a lot more clarity when I'm at the gym and I'm lifting weights. It's almost like the clouds in my head just kind of like clear up when I'm lifting weights, which is fascinating. 

 

It really is. And there's all sorts of biological explanations for it.

 

I, because If we are constantly feeling that we're stressed, then we don't have the energy to do anything else. We do get brain fog. We do, we are switching off or about anything mentally about anything other than what we perceive is the threat. We're, we're not, our body isn't at rest, it's not renewing, it's not performing all the vital, all the non vital functions.

 

And ultimately Our health starts to deteriorate. So coming out of stress mode, and there's lots of ways to do that, but meditation is another way or going into a gym and just focusing on the present moment and just counting the reps or just sort of doing something on a treadmill or whatever it is, whatever the chosen modality is, will definitely take.

 

Increase our ability to sort of de stress. A hundred percent. And so I wanted to ask you this question from the perspective of someone that wants to add, for example, going to the gym, self care rituals, other ways of, of releasing that cortisol, right? Healthy ways of doing it. But her calendar is currently.

 

Packed for now, right? I know about prioritization, but I want listeners to just hear this and really make changes. But right now her calendar is packed. And as a lot of moms, she has all these to do's and for some reason, she wants to get it all done and she's operating or launching a services based business.

 

Like how would you approach that, that idea of getting it all done and adding a workout?

 

Yeah, I mean, well, I'd sort of start to question some of those philosophies in the first place, the whole concept of getting it all done. It is never all done. So I think we just have to be a bit, step back for a bit, encourage them to,  and everyone's the same, we're all the same whether we're new mums or not, we have that tendency to, to, to, to want to be like this, but just questioning, do we have to get everything done? What's the priority? And then that whole concept of putting our own mask on first is very helpful. Because if we push ourselves to the brink and end up literally not being able to do anything one day through illness, or we just, we stop, then that's not going to be good for anybody around us.

 

It's not going to be good for our children or our partner or our colleagues or our clients or anybody. So it's almost like a responsibility to them that we have to do something about our timetable because we've all got examples of busy days. But if you look at the heads of state, they've still only got a certain number of hours.

 

So there has to be some form of discipline over when work stops. and creating some sort of boundaries  around, well, I've done the priority task that I've had to do. But now I have to do some things for myself that doesn't have to be an hour to the gym, an hour in the gym and an hour back. We don't have to  spend all of this time.

 

People think that they have to, but you can do very short workouts from home. During lockdown. I ended up training people all over the world over zoom  and we would do it in half an hour slots and people would have their pajama bottoms on. They would be. The using, if they'd never, they didn't have any equipment, they'd be using two bottles of water as weights to start with, or a rucksack or something like that.

 

And eventually they would start to equip themselves as the months went by. But so many people got into weight training and they'd never, ever done it before. And they did that from home and I still do home workouts now. And we sell online courses where people can follow those workouts. But we used to do it face to face.

 

I used to train people even up until the end of last year. I still have some private clients that I trained online.  You can, once you know the basics, you can work out from home. So you can basically start to look at the structure of your day and get up half an hour earlier and do this half an hour workout.

 

But obviously that that's going to require you to try to get to bed. Earlier in the evening, so consciously trying to shift your timetable, but just prioritizing it in the same way that we prioritize our children and we prioritize our clients. If we are not at our best, then we're not going to be able to look after them in this, in the way that we really want.

 

So ultimately we're not going to make ourselves happy either.  So it can be done. It can be done at home. Also incorporating movement, sort of standing up when we, when we're on the phone, making sure we always walk wherever we can, taking the stairs whenever we can. That's a very underrated way of, of getting, utilising energy.

 

If we want to lose body fat, then using up calories. If we just want to feel better, just keeping the mind active. But yeah, so there are things that we can incorporate. And then of course there's the nutrition, there's the other side of the nutrition, that's We can time how frequently  we eat, being strict with ourselves about we must eat a breakfast, we must eat lunch, and we must, must have something reasonable for dinner and make it high protein based  and being organized about when we shop so that we've always got something there so we don't reach for the refined carbs and things that are going to fuel us just in the moment, but are not going to be long term fuel to make us feel good.

 

So there's, that's the things normally I would recommend to. to people who are just starting their fitness journey and are in this situation where they think they don't have time because they do, but there are clever ways of amalgamating it.

 

And there's always time for like that last minute report that's due to a client always somehow, right?

 

We make the time, don't we? We make the time and if you, if you really think about it, I mean, this is the only vehicle that we're ever going to have is like, I sort of turn up with a car on your doorstep and say, okay, there, there we go. That's yours for life. Now you need to look after it because you're not going to get another one.

 

And yet people, people won't. I mean, it is crazy, but until they start looking at it like this and think, actually, it is worth me spending a bit of time and money and effort on this vehicle, because this is what's going to carry me all the way through the whole journey. Every client. Every interaction with another person, every relationship, I need to have this vehicle working fit and strong.

 

And in terms of just getting to the next level in your business, as I think about a mom entrepreneur, so let's say year one, she was able to make some profit in her services based business. And now she has to make a decision like, okay, should I continue to outsource? Should I hire a new employee? All these things like.

 

What are some considerations a mom might want to think about or anyone that does want to get to the next level and maybe now she started incorporating some fitness so she has the endurance. Add this to her to do list of find the right hire. Like how do you think about what to what to delegate and what not to.

 

Well, there is that mindset piece to do, which is trying to think about the new version of her, the version that she's creating. And what does that person look like? And what's that life look like that she's creating? I mean, is it continuing as a, as a solo?  Entrepreneur, or does she see herself ultimately running a business where she is actually, she's built the thing and she's running it in terms of she's leading it, but she's not actually in it doing it because that is a big transition to make, but it's a big difference.

 

And sometimes people end up with staff, but it's never really where they want it to be, or they end up doing everything because they've just, they Never thought about hiring others. So being clear at what you're trying to build is so important.  And then if you are, if you've decided, yes, I do want to build a business that's scalable and that I'm leading and I'm the face of it and that sort of thing, well, then drawing out what that business ultimately is going to look like, what are the growth goals is things, a lot of the things that we picked up when we were on business mastery, if you think about it, it talks about growth goals and  there's considerations there as well is the thing that she's doing. actually capable of achieving those growth goals that she has. So if she's doing something, are there enough clients? Is the, is the price per service or the price per product high enough? Is it going to, what volume is that going to dictate? So getting really clear on some of those metrics of what she's trying to achieve.

 

And then, like I say, if she decided that she wants to achieve something, which is an entity on its own, which has people, then she has got to start thinking about hiring. And so then what do you do? What do you hire? Who do you hire? Well, You've got the typical cornerstones of any business. You've got the sales and marketing,  you've got the operations and you've got the finance.

 

So there's a combination of what's the thing that she really loves doing. She can keep that for a bit, but what's the thing that she really doesn't like doing or that she doesn't feel she's very good at, or that always gets left behind and deprioritized. Well, maybe hire someone to, to do that because it is, it may not be Quite so urgent, but it is important.

 

So maybe she outsources for that until it becomes a full time job. And then she can start to gradually transition to employing someone full time, but I would try to minimize overheads at the beginning and do things like outsource on a price per hour or a price per day or a price per job. And, or even on sales, you can do commission only base.

 

I don't know if you can in the U S but we can in the UK,  we can do contracts like that. So I would sort of just. That's the steps I think. Be clear on what you're trying to build, then identify the area you need to help with right now, and then try to do it softly. Freelancing to start off with, minimum cost, testing the waters really, making sure it works, and then eventually moving to either a team of freelancers, Or one person who's like a full time employee and then on to the next one.

 

It's hard  when you are the face of the business to start off with and all of your clients want you. I mean, I definitely was like that in my recruitment business where I went from a one man band to 130 staff and I used it. very, you know, sometimes turn around and think, how did this happen? How is it that I now have people working for me that I don't even know them?

 

They bump, I bump into them in the street and they work, they work for me. It's really very strange transition, but that took a good few years, but it does happen. But it being clear on where you want to get to makes it easier to get there. I think.

 

Yeah. And I could see where the mindset work is gigantic there.

 

I was having a conversation with someone that co founded a mom magazine that has like 40 million views every single month. And her vision of what she wants to do now with her lifestyle business is totally something I didn't even consider. Like she wants, she does not want to be the only coach in a group coaching experiencing community based sort of solution.

 

And for me.  I just, I was like, wow, what an idea.

 

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, you know, well, that's the other thing we have to leave room for ideas popping up as we go along because we can never really see the ultimate, the ultimate goal does change. I mean, for me in the end, it started off as a recruitment business, but.

 

When I exited, it was a very much more, there was a huge training arm to it, so much more. And that was never the intention, but you, you go with what you're interested in with the opportunities that come up, the skills that you start to acquire as you go along. And there are moments in business where you can often only see when you look back, where there was a moment where you went to a meeting or you met someone, or you took a, you won a contract, or you took a particular step.

 

That sends you in a different direction to the one you expected. So you have to have a little bit of an open mind. It can't all be, well, in my experience anyway, totally planned. You, you, you get to, there's many ways to get to where you want to get to, and it needn't be exactly the way you think. So you have to give a little bit of leeway there.

 

We don't know, do we? We had lockdown, we've had financial crisis, there's things looming now. So  we can only make decisions based on the information available to us right now and then continue to go in the right direction. It is a marathon.  Not a sprint.

 

That is, that is definitely true. And, and to add on to that, also, our kids are going to have completely different needs.

 

My kids are little kids. They're 10, 10 and 12, and you have two adults. So totally different life experiences right now.

 

But they were, when I started, they were something like eight and 10, I remember. And yeah, I mean, I remember thinking sometimes they were sick. And so then it's,  We didn't do working from home then, because my children are 30 and 31 now.

 

So. Yeah, I mean, it was just trying to find child care and your weighing it. Is he sick enough that really he needs to stay home? Or can I sort of dose him up and bundle him off to school? Do I need to be there? Or can I get some child care for him? It's stressful because obviously we love our kids dearly and they are our priority.

 

But you've got that client who you're supposed to have a meeting with and you've really worked hard to get that meeting. So we just have to do our best. There's never going to be a perfect scenario, but I do think the mindset and the body stuff really helps because it keeps us clear. We don't waste energy.

 

We shouldn't waste energy on beating ourselves up  that we're doing it all wrong, but equally feeling sorry for ourself as well that poor me, it's so difficult. I can't do it. But it is what it is. And you've got to have a little bit of that mentality of just getting on with it and dealing with the circumstances.

 

I always used to have a bit of an attitude that there was always going to be something going wrong in the day. And I didn't used to think like that in terms of being a pessimist, but it was almost like to help me manage my expectations so that if it did,  I could sort of say, Oh, well, I thought I knew there'd be something and this is it today.

 

And sometimes nothing would go wrong. It'd all go right. And then I'd be really super happy. I mean, I was lucky. My, my husband has got his own business as well. So he had, there was a bit of flexibility  with him. However, in the same way that I have my business, he had his, and so he also sometimes couldn't help out and was not there when I wanted him to be.

 

We just have to deal with things and, but it is worth it in the end, if you are that way inclined and you want to build something and create an impact and feel all the benefits that we, that we feel when we run businesses. 

 

Absolutely. Yeah. Thank you so much, Angela. So where can listeners find you and follow your journey?

 

Yeah. Well, I'm at Angela Middleton on LinkedIn. If they're interested more on the business side and if they're interested in seeing my daily routines in, in the gym and hyperbaric all that stuff, more lifestyle stuff and Instagram, but both at Angela Middleton.

 

Thank you so much, Angela. This was amazing.

 

And this is going to help a lot of business owners.

 

Oh, well, so, so lovely to share and, uh, yeah, I hope it does any, any questions delighted to answer. 

 

Here are the three things that really stood out for me from the conversation with Angela. Point number one, your body can absolutely play a huge role in your business strategy.

 

So I highly suggest you consider Angela's wisdom and really think through it. through how you might be potentially a better decision maker after a workout, or how you might feel a little bit more level headed and focus after a workout. So really think about how you might add a physical practice to your busy life.

 

The second point is this, when it comes to building out your business, going from a forever solopreneur to someone that has a fully functioning business, it is important to first be very clear. Is that what you want? If the answer is yes, proceed forward and really think through what you might need in the immediate time.

 

The third point is this. I want you to feel encouraged by this conversation between me and Angela. Angela is so amazing. She's had so much business success. And yet as a mom with three little children.  Who has been in a 12 year entrepreneurial career. Yes, I have gotten the guts and the courage to speak to someone like Angela, who right now taught us both how to actually think about bringing our business and scaling it.

 

This wisdom is the kind of wisdom that I want you to have access to in your own sector. In your own business, in your own life. And I want to really teach you how to get the confidence, the guts, how to ask the right questions to people just like Angela Middleton. So go ahead and email me, Melissa at Melissa Llarena.

 

com. And I will give you a link to the three questions that. Every mom entrepreneur has to ask herself before approaching anyone that might feel a little intimidating. I don't want you to feel intimidated by conversations like this. And I want you to realize, think about the value that Angela gave in this conversation on this podcast.

 

Wouldn't you want access to people in your world just like that? Wouldn't you want to know how to confidently? Network with people that are in these circles that have better opportunities and just a lot more insights that you can take and act upon immediately. I want that for you. So what I'll do is I will email you the link to the three questions you need to build your confidence.

 

So here's the last point. I promise. So what Angela said pertaining to really putting the mask on first is something that we have heard so often. Um, But I want you to really, really consider this idea today, this very week, in the most actionable way humanly possible. I want you, when you're presented with an opportunity to not put on your own mask versus putting on your mask, I want you to choose yourself.

 

And those were actually the words of another podcast guest, someone else that I networked with, James Altucher. He was my guest number five, put the mask on yourself, put the mask on yourself. Reach out to me for the worksheet. Also in the actual show notes, I'll even put in a free link there. So you could just reach out and download the link yourself

It's starts with a vision and if yours lacks any of these criterium then it will be HARD to stay up as a chronically exhausted mom or leader of any sort! It's also important that you articulate your vision in a way that generates goosebumps, inspired actions, or plants an audacious visual in the mind of someone else....THIS transaction of language is what will mobilize your network. It's WAY easier if your vision is true to you. It's impossible if you don't buy-into a vision....this stuff is hard to fake people....hence I love serving mom entrepreneurs. We are not out here pretending to love our businesses....there's more than meets the eyes behind every single mom LLC....way more!

Any who, so excited to bring to the world my Fertile Imagination in Action Group Coaching program! SO SO SO thrilled because now what I learned from you (my podcast guests, every boss I've ever had, my angels, clients, mom, Abuela) I'm teaching to my fellow moms in business. Let's talk if you want to learn more this program.  My sons have spring break soon and that is why I will be taking only 4 mom visionary moms this round....will one be you?

Schedule a 15-minute chat to learn more about the program: https://go.oncehub.com/ClientSessionMelissaLlarena

The Fertile Imagination in Action criteria for a vision that will lift you out of bed when you do not feel like it as a mom in business. You know my bestseller Fertile Imagination? Well, it's time to activate its key principles....this is 1/9th of what I'll be teaching....want to learn more?

Sign-up for a FREE 15-minute:

https://go.oncehub.com/ClientSessionMelissaLlarena

-How mind-blowing is your vision?
-Does your vision convey urgency?
-Would your vision help you bounce back up?
-Is your vision more powerful than your fears?
-Is your vision energizing?

 

Welcome to Episode 219. As a mom, have you ever asked yourself? Am I doing it right? Am I ruining them? Am I going to be responsible for them needing therapy when they grow up? As moms, especially in the early days, we need so much reassurance and being able to rely on our intuition is tough. Yet, that is exactly what today's guest shares with us and helps us to learn to trust! Meet Kanika Chadda Gupta. She is a seasoned CNN television journalist podcaster and mom of three. And in that three, they're twins. Her goal is to give credit where it's often overlooked which is the lasting impact of living your purpose and modeling that for the next generation. She hosts the popular podcast That’s Total Mom Sense.  

This episode is brought to you by:

A Mental Health Break for Mom Business Leaders, a FREE 30-minute webinar, for mom business owners who want to be both present moms and focused business owners.

Sign-up today: https://bit.ly/mindmom

Key takeaways:

Listen to your intuition (it's not just for moms!)

Kids are your mirrors (their behavior reflects yours)

Taming toddler meltdowns (practical tips!)

The unique journey of raising twins

This episode covers:

Ditching the self-doubt: Stop asking "am I doing it right?" and start trusting your instincts!

The power of intuition: It's not just a "mom thing" - everyone has it!

Understanding your kids: Learn how their behavior is a reflection of you.

Conquering meltdowns: Practical tips to help your little one (and yourself!) through tough moments.

The joys (and challenges) of raising twins: Gain insights from a mom who's been there!

Head to the transcript for more information and resources!

This episode is brought to you by:

A Mental Health Break for Mom Business Leaders, a FREE 30-minute webinar, for mom business owners who want to be both present moms and focused business owners.

Sign-up today: https://bit.ly/mindmom

Learn the exact process that meditation practitioner, bestselling author, business coach, and mom to three young boys, Melissa Llarena, follows to have a consistent meditation practice despite no longer having privacy, time, nor a meditation closet. You will walk away with a step-by-step approach for designing your own ritual and you will get a mental break to THINK more strategically about your business and mom life too.

Live Webinar

March 1, 2024

10:00am Central Time

Includes:

Instantly receive upon sign-up Free meditation prompts (get centered in two minutes or fewer)

Mindfulness i.e. meditation ritual ideas to become a more present mom and business leader

30 minute Q&A with Melissa

Join LIVE to enter a drawing for a guest spot on Unimaginable Wellness the podcast for mom founders, entrepreneurs, and creators

Led by Melissa Llarena

Top ForbesWomen contributor with 4M+ views. Author of a the #1 Amazon Bestseller entitled: Fertile Imagination: A Guide for Stretching Every Mom’s Superpower for Maximum Impact. Mom to a singleton son who is 12 and a set of identical twin boys who are ten. A Psychology degree from NYU, and an MBA from the Tuck School of Business at Dartmouth, she holds a Transformational Coaching Academy certificate and is a student in the Mindfulness Meditation Teacher Certification Program Class of 2025.

Sign-up today: https://bit.ly/mindmom

Connect with Melissa the host:

https://www.instagram.com/melissallarena/

Official bio for guest

There's no hood like parenthood! Kanika Chadda Gupta, a seasoned CNN television journalist, podcaster, and mother of three (including twins), aims to give credit where it's often overlooked - the lasting impact of living your purpose and modeling that for the next generation. She hosts the popular podcast That's Total Mom Sense, where she interviews public figures on their life lessons, parenting journey, and legacy. Guests include Chelsea Clinton, Kelly Rowland, Bobbi Brown, America Ferrera, Sarah Harden, Rebecca Minkoff, Reshma Saujani, Shannon Lee. She has worked in partnership with the March of Dimes, Mom 2.0, Mother Honestly, and the White House. Her show has been ranked #1 on Goodpods for Motherhood and Kanika has been featured in Forbes and on ABC, NBC, Fox, Cheddar, and CBS.

Guest links:

https://www.thatstotalmomsense.com

https://www.instagram.com/kanikachaddagupta/

https://twitter.com/kanikachadda

https://www.facebook.com/kanikachaddagupta

Transcript

Kanika, I am so thrilled to have a fellow mom of multiple who has three kids in total. And as a podcaster. Like me, on this episode, I'm so thrilled to have you here. Kanika. Thank you, Melissa. It's my pleasure. I was doing my homework, because that's what we do. And I was so curious about your thoughts on mom sense, as it relates to a lot of us that at one time felt like we were on top of the world, maybe we're in powerful positions, and then all of a sudden, we have this like, baby, and we're like,

 

Kanika  10:53 

I don't know what to do, and what to do with them all day. And will I survive? And will they survive? So like, help us feel powerful? Help us feel like we could handle anything, even this child? Yes, yes, I would love to, I think we all need to recognize the strengths and gifts we have. And we all have the power of intuition. It's our North star. It's something that directs us in the right direction. And, and we should just listen to that inner voice because it just it can do no wrong. And I feel when we first become parents, we second guess ourselves because there's so much noise. There are in laws and your own parents and friends and teachers and child caregivers that are all like you have to do it this way, you got to do it this like, and I just I feel like if this is your child only you know how to raise it best, him or her best. So just trust that. And I say this from experience, because I had my three kids in one fell swoop, I had twins. And when they were just nine months old, like just think of baby boy, baby girl, nine months can't even sit up, still swaddled all of that, I got pregnant with my third. And so I was just thrown into the deep end, I was not expecting. And it was really by the grace of God that I had the kids. So I just thought, Okay, God gives you what you can handle. And I am up for this challenge. And as much as I tapped into my kind of skill set as a journalist, I would ask everybody I knew questions, including the Amazon rep. I would be like, Do you have kids? Which bottle did you use? Which one Dr. Brown Ma'am, you tell me. And so I just was like I'm doing all this data gathering, I read a ton of books. And then I started listening, listening to podcasts. And in the end, as much as I learned so much from everyone's stories and experiences. I knew that only I can chart my path for what I want to do for my family and I can glean from everyone else. But I know what's up, and I'm just gonna do it my way. And I want everyone to feel that. Agreed totally. And I think the novelty at least for me and my family of having twins almost made it like a requirement. It's like, hey, we don't know how to handle it. So you definitely need to figure this out on your own right? Like, is that something that maybe was common for you? Were there a lot of like, oh, I have twins too. And I have triplets too and or did you have to like chart your own path? Because he were like one of the first? Yeah, yeah. So I do have friends who had twins before me and I leaned on them. But even that I feel like we all had our very different journeys. And there's something so beautiful in that like there's certain things that I was I learned where I had boy girl twins and I didn't want to buy pink and blue of everything. And brides were telling me you don't need to buy two of everything. It's just as much as you can obviously double stroller, car seats and high chairs. But other than that the toys that they play with like their swaddles their whatever it was, it was like just make sure it's gender neutral and like everybody we got to share. So I was just like, Okay, we're gonna go gray, gray and yellow. That's fine. So that's something that I did learn. I did end up nursing the kids for a year and then my youngest also. And so that was something that I kind of figured out on my own and everyone has their own like journey there. But I wanted to do it I was able to produce so I did it and I had a twin Z pillow that I used where they get to just kind of fit in each nuk and in a football hold. You can feed them Sam

 

Kanika  15:00 

I'll take it slowly for the first three months, and then they get a little big, and then you just feed them one by one. But I did that, and then I found a lactation consultant to support me. And so there's certain things that I was like, I'm going to do this differently. I don't have to just take a cue from everyone who's had twins or multiples before me. Yeah, I think yeah, tandem nursing, for me was definitely a unique adventure that distinguished my entire mommyhood experience, I will say, amongst others. And I would say, you're right, everyone out there that's listening right now you you get to choose, right, like how you nourish your babies. And that's a very viable use of your mom's sense, right? Your intuition. It's like, wait a minute, does this feel good for me? Like, is this possible, given my life goals and the realities of my support system, so there's so many uses for for mom sense. And your mom's sense, is starting to really remind me of a fertile imagination. So when I wrote my book, fertile imagination, it's being able to cast a vision for your life that you may have never seen ever before, in the history of time in the life of another mom. And so it's really interesting, because you have to, you need almost like an inner stillness, both in the case of accessing your imagination, and what I'm hearing from you, in the case of like listening to your intuition, your inner guide. So stillness, and mom have multiples or three kids like that seems like an oxymoron. Like, how do we do this? How do we achieve stillness in the most chaotic of homes and situations, especially those early days? So you can listen to your mom sense and be like, I know the answer. Right, right. Yeah, no, you're so right. I mean, there is so much action, entropy. Just know, it's everything. When you have multiples, and as a twin mom, you know, this. So I, I feel like it's in those moments, oftentimes, like, right before bed, when I am by myself, I keep a notebook by my bed. And it's like, a place where I can use as a gratitude journal and write what I'm grateful for, or things that I'm thinking about, or ideas that I have. And so that's like my brain dump. And that's what I do when I when I know I have the stillness, and that's like, literally, I'd say, around like, 838 30 to nine, the kids are fast asleep. And I have my time. And it's not like wee hours of the morning when you're still like groggy.

 

Kanika  17:44 

Yeah, I get that. I mean, I personally have a really early bedtime. But I mean, priorities change. If we're up at dawn. You can't stay up late. It's just we need our sleep. And I rather actually get up at dawn, then stay up late. Like, I don't know, I feel weird that way. But like, that's just like my thing. So okay, so here we go. We figured out that we have this like inner guidance, this inner GPS, right. So mom's sense. And I know you've mentioned even dad sense, like, that's also a thing as well. Okay, we figured it out. But let's say we're like stubborn. And we're like, what? This one time I rather consult with an expert or this one time, I'm going to do the opposite. Have you ever found yourself in a situation like that? Is there like a story you could kind of share? Ooh, yeah. And I think it's still you're trusting your intuition to tell you to do that. So it's, it's stemming from somewhere. But yeah, I would say it's, I guess, something that I made a mistake on. And my mom's sense, tells me this, and that's why I changed things around for my third. So we did have childcare help with the twins. She was amazing. And so she taught me how to make pureed foods for for them. So we did pureed everything like it. And they started with rice cereal, and being from the same South Asian background, a lot of the foods were things that were kind of ancient and like, tried and tested for our cultural, like cultural background. So there was like a rice dish with turmeric and lentils like all that stuff. So my kids basically got used to that what Khichdi Khichdi, oatmeal pureed fruits and veggies for their from one to two and onwards. And when I saw other moms doing toddler led weaning where they're like giving their kids little pieces of carrots and cucumbers and snap peas and like everything to pick up on their own, it's like it's a straight up mess underneath

 

Kanika  20:00 

That highchair I get and it just makes me shudder with because of my OCD. But the good side is that the children actually get a feel for different textures, different flavors, different, like fragrances to food, and they get to manipulate it. They love all things sensory. And they're actually using their fine motor skills, their pincers to be able to pick up like a small grain of rice or green B. So I didn't do that with the twins. I was like, No, we got up here everything. And with my third eye was like, No, we're flipping the script. I want him to be able to pick up his food. And even though not as much as gonna get in, we can supplement that with some spoon feeding after. But my mom said said to like, listen to the moms who are doing that, and the experts that I had on pediatricians and kind of culinary experts when it comes to toddlers and toddler led weaning, and I was like, I'm gonna do it this way. That's fascinating, because I'm thinking about it for me like, okay, so I'm Latina. And certainly I could have been like rice and beating up my kids when they were little, little little. Yeah, I did. Yeah, they'll do. nourishing, that's a no brainer. There's iron in there. Okay, I'll stop with that. I could do a whole episode on the value of lagoons. Anyway. Yeah, the whole point is like, culturally, it's really interesting. Because culturally, and I call it almost like a cultural glass ceiling, again, in my book and for imagination, but it's like a certain way of mothering, right, and a certain way of like translating tradition, heritage, culture, and all these things, and having the palate right for the different foods that exist in our cultures, I find is so fascinating. And like, these are like acts of bravery. When you opt to do something that is very different than then a culture like we're talking like DNA different. Did you get any commentary from anyone when you decided to change the script there? Of course, of course, I mean, I just I feel like everyone's so opinionated, and especially those from previous generations. So they're like, why would you do it this way? This, this doesn't seem right, you know, and like, I raised all my kids on this

 

Kanika  22:32 

ad, so I know what's going on. But it's just again, it's like, you trusting your built in sixth sense to be like, yeah, I get that I see you. But I want to do it this different way. Because I see that there's a greater value in this. But yeah, you're gonna get the pushback, and you have to stand your ground, you know, because again, I always feel like, even though we're second guessing ourselves, and we're unsure, Am I doing it right? Am I ruining them?

 

Kanika  23:01 

The fact that we care is like a testament in itself. Secondly, it's like, best you really, really do. Yeah, and there's this philosophy out there. And I don't know your thoughts on it. But like I was, I heard through the grapevine that our kids pick us to view their parents. I'm just wondering, like, I'm thinking to myself, Okay, my kids definitely are teaching me a lot of the things that I need to learn, right, like humility, patience, everything, keeping it in holding my tongue. All these things are being taught to me and I'm wondering, I'm like, did they pick me to like, teach me everything that I think get a chance to learn as a little girl? Like, right? What do you think about this? Because also, you said, God only gives you what he knows you can handle. And I've had questions. I'm like, God, like, are we serious? You really think a lot of me like, like, Please, please. Right? So you tell me, what's your philosophy? What's your thinking? Like? Are these like many teachers, many sages, like in our midst, or Paul, I really do think so. I think that they're, they're put on this earth. They are the personalities that they are to guide us and sometimes that's to challenge us. And they're, as much as they're so different. I don't feel like kids are supposed to be the extension of you and they're not supposed to live out your dreams or anything like that. But they are your mirror. And it's like when you see your five year old self in their face. You just come back to how would I have wanted to be parented and I find that a lot I find this most with my daughter because I have she's one of the one of the twins, and then my and then I have my two sons, but with her she is an empath to her core.

 

Kanika  25:00 

are just like me, she really feels for people. And she can cry really easily. She's sensitive. And, and she's also a perfectionism. She doesn't get her way, she gets really frustrated about that. And this was me, this was always me. So when I think back to like, she's seven, now my seven year old self, I was exactly like that. And so if I don't validate where she's coming from, it's really disenfranchising, you know, and I just think, okay, if I were, what would I want to hear, and, and means for self regulation, when it comes to just social emotional, like something that we have learned, we did, we do two things. One is, name it, claim it, tame it. So name, kind of what the scenario is why you're upset, claim that you're feeling frustrated, disappointed, angry, and then tame it. Now let's find a way to let that anger out or let those tears out. But like, let it go, in the end, be able to let it go and not hold on to it. And so that's just really, really important. That's like an exercise that I do for myself now. And it's so important. And then another one is, the five senses, that's a that's a way to tame, if you will, so when she's like, in the middle of like, let's say she, she used to get so upset when she like messed up on artwork, she'd be like, Oh, my God, I made a mistake I was or over like, I was coloring this rabid art. And she, like, totally, just just get so emotional about it. So we'll talk about how that's frustrating all that. And then it's like, let's, let's bring it back. Let's bring it back to this present moment. So we'll do our five senses, tell me five things you see. And then she'll be like, my water bottle, the crayon, the paper, the Chair, I'm sitting on this room. And then it's for tell me four things that you hear three things that you can feel. So feel around you. Two things that you can smell, and one thing that you taste, and all of a sudden, it just diffuses everything. Because you're like, where am I right now? What's around me? What's going on, and your feelings don't get the best of you. Yeah, and I think it's funny because it's, it's like a body scan meditation, basically,

 

Kanika  27:37 

I'm becoming like, this is where this is where it's gotten me being a mom of multiple, I'm literally literally becoming a meditation practitioner, like, needed, how needed it is in my life with three boys. So what you just described is exactly that which I teach, which is a body scan meditation. And it's so interesting, because oftentimes, we live our lives outside of our bodies, and we disassociate instead of really making some sort of peace with how we feel, and then bringing to our awareness, where these sensations are, and just being really, really present to it so that this way we could work through it. And so what I'm hearing kind of going, I don't know if this is on purpose, or it may be it's your mom's sense, leading the way. But it sounds to me like you're forming some sort of connection for your kids to their kids sense. Yes, 100% 100%, I want them to have this tool, it's in your back pocket. And it's something that like, I think of like how we talked about just being able to rise to this challenge. I knew I always wanted to be a mom, when I was a kid. But there were certain things that I saw my parents doing that I was like, Yeah, I wouldn't, I would do this differently. And I didn't get my needs met. And I think I had to learn how to deal with my emotions and my sensitivity and everything like much later in life like 30s. And now that I'm in my 40s, it's like this, like, just kind of reckoning and attitude where like, I see myself, I can call it out, I know how I feel when I feel it, and I'm going to just be able to like, deal with it. But I never really had that skill. And I think my kids brought that out in me, because I was like, I have to see some of the skill.

 

Kanika  29:32 

I'm teaching myself and, and really breaking cycles, because it's not something that I could turn to as a kid and my parents were immigrant parents and just moved from India.

 

Kanika  29:46 

They moved with me I was two years old. They were just trying to put food on the table and survive. So they weren't being like let's sit down and do a meditation session and everything's like Kumbaya. No, you know, and so I had to like raise myself and I had

 

Kanika  30:00 

This history was seven years or younger. And I and my grandmother raised her. And so I think just a quick like, aside to that, I remember when she was born, because it was like having this little doll, I took care of how you would take the bottle and test it on your wrist to make sure I knew how to do that. When I was seven, I was like, give me the baby.

 

 

Attend a mental health break for mom business leaders on March 1st. Sign-up today for free meditation prompts fit for mom business owners who want to be both present moms and focused business owners - Details (sign-up and get the prompts instantly): https://bit.ly/mindmom

Learn the exact process that meditation practitioner, bestselling author, business coach, and mom to three young boys, Melissa Llarena, follows to have a consistent meditation practice despite no longer having privacy, time, nor a meditation closet. You will walk away with a step-by-step approach for designing your own ritual and you will get a mental break to THINK more strategically about your business and mom life too.

In this episode you will uncover why this is an important change in perspective: The answer is not always about taking things off of your plate. It depends on what drives you. Ever wanted to gain self-awareness around what makes you go, stop, or bounce back up faster? Listen with an open mind to this episode. 

Some moms with their own businesses rise to the occasion when a business challenge arises. Going after worthy goals clears up a busy life like no other thing has for me. You might be the same way? Have a think about it.
​
Other moms implode when a business challenge arises. Your anxiety hijacks your thinking brain and you go into a perpetual fight or flight. Dishes crash to the ground like a traditional Greek wedding except with little dancing. Is that your truth?
​
The key is in knowing who you are and what makes you do things that you may have never witnessed another mother do ever in your lifetime.

This week I am seeking 5 visionary mom entrepreneurs who rise up when put in a position to accept a business challenge. You'll know this is you based on your most memorable business days last year --- have your best days been when you astounded yourself and met a challenge or declined to step up your game in business for your own reasons. Neither is wrong.

There are seasons in motherhood and in business. However, I bet you have a preference? Let's talk for 15-minutes if you are the riser.  https://go.oncehub.com/ClientSessionMelissaLlarena​

This is an official call for 4 fabulous women. I'm prepared to share the insights that have built my relationships with powerful and genuine humans over the last 12-years. On our Zoom call I can shed light on why 9-weeks is all it'll take with me as your guide. 

If you are committed to doing what it really takes to change how you approach your business and mom life then you might qualify to be one of my fabulous 5 group coaching participants.

If you have a fight in you for YOU then you might be the right fit. If you have not yet given up on all the power and potential other people see in you then we should talk. It's time to rise up. Reclaiming your power is a daily choice. If this resonates be sure to choose the best time on my calendar. Rise up!

​Book your time on my calendar today for the soonest slot you can snag.

Let's talk: https://go.oncehub.com/ClientSessionMelissaLlarena​​

Thank you,

Melissa Llarena

Bestselling Author of Fertile Imagination: A Guide for Stretching Every Mom's Superpower for Maximum Impact

Welcome to Episode 217. Did you know that February 17th is Random Acts of Kindness Day? My plea is to count yourself in! Moms can perform random acts of kindness and be the recipient of them too! Did you know that when you are kind or generous to others that you can feel a helper’s high? I bet you have oodles of ideas of things you can do with your kids and today’s guest shares her thoughts on those too. However, what I found fascinating is that, despite being a busy mom of two, Jennifer Klein a seasoned philanthropist and author on the topic of giving, has cracked the code on how to be an everyday philanthropist and reap the rewards of exuding a generous spirit! She’s getting that boost in her mental health every week and as a mom I’m know you can use this unstoppable feeling on any given day to change your energy for the maximum! In today’s episode, there are also a ton of practical insights and giving ideas fit for a mom with her own business. You’ll hear about your options – should you go all in on cause marketing, strategically partnering with a nonprofit, or donate company funds to support a cause that's on your heart? Listen for fresh ways to consider these options. 

This episode is brought to you by my #1 Amazon bestselling book, Fertile Imagination, A Guide for Stretching Every Mom's Superpower for Maximum Impact.

·      You can find a link to the Amazon website here: https://www.melissallarena.com/fertileideas/

Ask me anything about this episode, my book, or mom in business life on Instagram

·      Follow me: https://www.instagram.com/melissallarena/

Free resources for mom entrepreneurs!

·      Are you a mom entrepreneur with a big vision? Sign-up for a free 30-minute Business Goal Progress Analysis & Course Correct session https://www.melissallarena.com/sessions/

·      Is your business stuck? Take this quiz for moms to maximize your potential - https://quiz.tryinteract.com/#/64fb50ebd9dce900148cdff8

·      Grab your seat for my free webinar focused on your 2024 ultimate business success Mom Mogul Makeover - https://witty-thinker-2643.ck.page/7e884a0f0a

Jennifer Klein Official Bio and Links

Jenn Klein, CFRE, CHC, is a world-class and highly respected nonprofit fundraiser, speaker, coach, and one of the most brilliant minds on philanthropy. She is the founder and CEO of You Are A Philanthropist merchandise shop and podcast, a major gift officer for a Catholic school, an independent consultant with Arbonne International, and a proud mother of two boys. For more than 18 years, Jenn has helped nonprofits grow through best fundraising practices and strategies. Jenn also coaches individuals to make healthy lifestyle choices, which, at their core, include giving to charity. Jenn is on a mission to share the benefits of generosity, not just for others but also for yourself and our world. She just published her first book "Giving is Selfish", which can be found on Amazon.

·      https://www.youareaphilanthropist.com

·      https://www.instagram.com/_jennklein/

·      Giving Is Selfish: https://www.amazon.com/Giving-Selfish-Change-World-Yourself/dp/B0CLK2STJT

·      Type unimaginablewellness for a 20% off coupon code for any merchandise on youareaphilanthropist.com

TRANSCRIPT

Jen Klein, welcome to unimaginable wellness. I am so excited. You won the drawing from my Mom Mogul Makeover webinar!

Congratulations. 

Thank you, Melissa.

I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to win this opportunity. I am excited to have you here just for anyone that's listening and catching this in January, I had the opportunity to deliver a talk for mom moguls and Jennifer won the drawing of appearing as a guest on today's podcast. And so I am so excited to have Jen here.

I'm also really excited for this very, like. Secret sneaky reason so not only does Jen Klein have an amazing like business, but it's also in the art of generosity, the spirit of giving, and I was like, holy cow, how perfect is that right to like. Have a lucky winner. Be like a giver and generous human and nonprofit expert.

So Jen share with listeners a bit about your background. Certainly share a bit about your book and, and we could just like get into this conversation. I'm excited. You are so kind. Thank you for saying that. I've been a fundraiser for 20 years in nonprofits and it's my passion. And when I became a full time mom about eight years ago, I wanted to continue to stay in my field of fundraising, but found myself a fundraiser without a nonprofit since I became a full time mom.

And I decided to start blogging and I blogged about, like you said, the general, the, the good feelings. Of generosity and it was really inspired by a quote that I heard from Denzel Washington and he said giving is selfish and I was shocked. I had to replay it. I thought he said giving is selfless. And that is always what I internalized and believed giving was about was being selfless and he turned it on a dime and made me realize that giving feels good.

And so I wrote my book called Giving is Selfish that recently I published on Amazon and it highlights how good it feels to give. I love that. And I think what's, what's really, really compelling and something that I want to just grab onto that you just said, you said that you're a nonprofit professional, but you didn't find yourself having a nonprofit.

And I was thinking to myself, well, I will say this. Having three children of my own, there is no profit making in my family. So that's really nonprofit in terms of just the family structure. But, but I get what you're saying. I get what you're saying. And so it, it does flip the thinking on his head as far as giving is.

Selfless to selfish. And so I'm sure your book garnered a lot of attention because of its title. I'm wondering, as someone who wrote her own book, myself having written a book, was there something that you learned about yourself as a mom through the actual process of having written this book?  I think that's such a great question and something I do discuss in my book about how much I learned about being a mother when I became a mother.

As many new moms, I didn't know what to expect. I didn't know what I was in for. And I found myself struggling to work on myself and, and be a good mom. By taking care of myself and so when we practice self care, we are giving to our Children when we are taking care of ourselves, we are inspiring and giving to our Children and I think that was such an important life lesson that I learned from being a full time mom and I to this day and for the rest of my life will balance my giving scale, which is what I mean by that is taking care of myself so that I can take care of others.

That sounds like a really important thing to become more self aware of. I know that a lot of mom founders, creators, and entrepreneurs, they have it in their heart to give and having created a business that might be one avenue through which they give. And, and this balance that you mentioned, I'm sure it plays a role also, even in the world of commerce, where someone might want to do some cause marketing, or someone might want to strategically partner with a nonprofit organization.

So here's the question that I have and the context that I provide is that I actually started a nonprofit and this was several years ago. But I also had my coaching practice. And so the thinking was, well, let me create a nonprofit so that this way I have full ownership of who gets a scholarship or not, because that was part of what I was going to be contributing.

And then of course I spoke to an expert who said, well, Melissa. That's a lot of extra work. It's like having an entire other business. So my balance would have been totally like topsy turvy. I would have been so lopsided. It's not even funny. Jennifer, Jen, as an expert in this space, a mom that wants to have, wants to be mentor and like exhibit to her child, what giving looks like and the benefits, how can someone that's a founder think about doing good through the avenue of their business, but in a way that.

 

They don't end up being so lopsided.  I think that was really wise of you to seek counsel and to realize that you don't have the time to commitment that is required to start a non profit. Starting a non profit is something that I also realized. I wasn't able to create, even though it's a wonderful thing to put into the world and that the world needs more of, but I think that there is, especially for mothers who are in business, there are other avenues to pursue in order to give back one could be giving in your example, through a nonprofit for scholarship, or could be giving back in their business.

 

To, to charity. So for me, for example, I give back some proceeds of mine to charity so that I feel connected to my mission, connected to my community and, and I reap the benefits because that feels good. That makes a lot of sense. So then in terms of making that decision, right. And in terms of really having not just a business, but then also a family, like for me, and I'm sure for other listeners, it's like, you feel like you just are giving 24  seven and now we want to add on our long list of to do's another act of.

 

Help us see the social rate of return, right? Or the nonprofit rate of return. I think it's the SROI. I don't know why I'm not getting the exact acronym correctly. You correct me when you answer the question, but how can we get the benefit and not out? Like just drain ourselves to no avail. Like I want to add giving, but at the same time as a parent and a business owner, you give a lot when you're marketing your business.

 

Like you don't get paid for the marketing necessarily. You give a lot as a mom, like for me, three meals a day, I'm giving those out. And now we want to add giving. So why is it that that would make good sense from like an energy perspective, even like Biological perspective. What are some benefits? What's the SROI on giving for a mom entrepreneur who gives all the time?

 

I think it's, I think you're so spot on to recognize the unrecognized work that mothers do giving back to our children is crucial to making the world a better place. So I think starting with the mindset that. What I'm doing at home is really important and feeling successful in that area of your life is, is really an important component to ensuring that you feel good about what you're doing.

 

And really, my message is I want people to feel good about what they're doing at home in their business and in their community. And. If they feel like they have the time to, to donate in some area of their life to a, in their community, they will reap the benefits of better social connection, better mental health, better physical health.

 

It's been proven science that  giving back. lowers your blood pressure. So there are physical benefits that we know from science that giving back feels good. So it's not just as Denzel Washington said, something that is. It's intangible that we can't quantify. It's also something that we have quantified through science.

 

Is there like a story, maybe it could be a personal story or someone that's included in your book that you can share with listeners that might be thought provoking or just kind of helpful as far as giving us some sort of next steps, like choosing the best way for us to give, not just so that it bubble wraps our sanity, but that it aligns with even like the business that we might have.

 

Yeah, so I think first of all, I have a podcast called you are a philanthropist where I interviewed 30 philanthropists who I have deemed philanthropists, even though perhaps by society standards, they aren't the millionaires. Giving lots of money to, to charity, but in their everyday lives, they're committing some sort of their time commitment to a charity of their choice.

 

So for me personally, I like to be a soccer coach, which is what I'm doing later in the day today. And I also like to give to my local food pantry, which is about two hours. Every other month I go around my neighborhood, pick up bags from people's porches and deliver it to my food pantry. So that's something that I'm really excited about and something that my children actually do with me now.

 

So I love teaching them about how we have so much and how we can give back. Some of the guests that I interviewed really are inspiring. I encourage your listeners to check it out wherever they find a podcast.  For me, I was really inspired by a friend of mine who has a child who is severely disabled and he needs a full time ventilator, full time nurse at home, and yet she has found a way to give back to the Ronald McDonald house.

 

She does a run with him in his wheelchair every year and raises money through, through that run. And she also  It gives back through stocking the pantries at the Ronald McDonald house. And her name's Daphne bird singer. If anybody wanted to listen to that episode of the you are philanthropist podcast.  So she, she really inspires me in her everyday life.

 

She's giving back to her, her children. She has three children and I'm privileged to know what a great woman she is, how committed she is to her community, her family, and her business.  So let me ask you this question as far as personally. So when you actually go through your day and you insert an act of giving, however that might take shape for you, explain to listeners.

 

How you feel after doing that act or during the act, like really get vivid into it, because I want to understand just like what it feels like to give, even as a mom that already has her own like podcast and practice, wrote a book, has kids, like, how does it feel to give for you personally? Yeah, that's a great question.

 

I think for me, I do feel really good about. Doing work in my community and feeling inspired by those who are also doing work in my community and feeling like together we're making a bigger difference. I think sometimes we overlook little acts of charity, little acts of kindness, and, but these little things add up and do make a difference.

 

For example, just holding the door at the Dunkin Donuts for the person behind you, that's an act of kindness. Being kinder to the cashier when maybe someone was not kinder before you. So these everyday acts that I do are, are something that I say to myself, you put some good into the world. You made the world a better place for at least one person.

 

So it sounds to me that anyone can be a philanthropist. That's what I believe. Yeah, that's what it sounds like. And then here's the other thing. So back to someone that has a business, back to someone that has to make a decision, like strategically partner with a nonprofit, donate money in some sort of other way, I don't even know, I can't even imagine right now, maybe like participating in someone's Kickstarter, for example.

 

Or creating their own nonprofit. Is there any sort of wisdom that you can share with us, with listeners who have a business, we want to do good and we want to make a decision, the right decision for us, like choosing path a B or C, like any sort of question that we can hold on to and really just ask ourselves before moving forward in any given direction.

 

So I think finding what you're most passionate about is the key to. Your success with giving back  for me, that's my local food pantry and for others that might be a mental health organization or a cancer research organization, whatever it is that you find yourself that you want to commit your time to, you should pursue that.

 

Because if you're not passionate about giving back, it is going to be draining and it's not going to be fulfilling and where your passion leads you is where you should go. Got it. That makes, so that makes sense because it's the same in terms of a business, right? Like if you're not passionate about it, even if the market opportunity is gigantic, it's going to feel more draining because it's like you need a lift.

 

Like as a mom entrepreneur, like we need every lift that we could possibly imagine. And this is so not about plastic surgery, even though the thought just popped in my mind, but maybe I could use a lift there too, but I choose not to at this stage of my life. But I think. Any opportunity that a mom has to go in the direction that excites her beyond belief, like we're talking like giddy, like, Oh my gosh, I cannot believe I had the opportunity to do this today with them.

 

Like, if you feel that, then I would say that could be like the next step, right? So you have this like for profit entity, let's imagine, let's say you're a coach or whatever. And it makes sense for you to somehow be involved with dress for success as an example. Well, maybe the way that you participate does depend on what you can give.

 

Like you might have old suits, right? And right now we're like Zoom culture, cozy culture. So do you really need like that suit? I know. Don't so that's like one way, but then the other side of it is having tried it myself, just as like heads up sort of thing for anyone that's listening and Jen Klein, like your own sort of experiences, like the option is there to create like your own nonprofit, but be mindful that it actually does feel like a whole other business.

 

Yes. So. I would say personally, as my own guidance, I know that organizations I've worked with, they've been successful with cause marketing. And for them, the tie in is that there's some sort of connection between the brand promise of the for profit product and the actual organization with which you partner.

 

So like Dawn is a great example, the dishwashing detergent and like cleaning ducts in some oil water way.  And so that makes sense. But I think Additionally, you know what Jen said as far as the passion side of the house, I think that's absolutely important because specifically as a mom, you need that lift.

 

And so Jen, this has been really helpful. I think your perspective as anyone can be a philanthropist is like the big takeaway that I'm getting. And I also think that If we think about motherhood, not so much as like straight up philanthropy, but it kind of is in its own way. I really do think it kind of is in its own way, but it's a way that is legacy building, right?

 

Like your DNA gets passed on. So you, you certainly reap the rewards. So Jen Klein, where can people continue to learn about you and your book and what you do? You should go to my website. You are a philanthropist. com. They can find more information about me on there, as well as look at my book, giving a selfish on Amazon.

 

And I did give a discount to your listeners. If they type in coupon code unimaginable wellness, they can get a discount, a 20 percent discount on my merchandise, which celebrates philanthropy. I'm also on Instagram and I love to connect there as well. Underscore Jen Klein. Beautiful. Thank you, Jen. So as far as bubble wrapping your own sanity, your own sanity, like you've got soccer going on, you've got work within your local community, like.

 

What's like one tangible thing that you do in order to stay sane? That's such a great question. And I am excited to say I'm getting a massage later today. So I have a monthly subscription to my local massage and I am very excited about that. I'm excited for you. I am like, like now I'm inspired. I'm like, okay, yeah, I should, I should do the same.

 

And I think it's. The funny thing about a massage is that it is self care for sure. And it does feel good, but there's like these benefits that somehow are additive, even to like business owners in a super tangible way, as far as like the stress levels that we have, I was reading the five o'clock 5 AM club.

 

I don't know if you know that book by Robin, I think it's Sharma or something. And that's part of his protocol. It's like two massages every week, and that can help make you like tip top performer. And so I think what you're doing is, is self care. It's self it's giving to yourself and it makes you a happier giver to everyone else.

 

So thank you for that tip. You're welcome. And if you don't schedule it monthly, it'll never happen. Amen to that. I totally know I have zero massages in the whole 2024 right now. So now you've got me going on that. Thank you, Jen, so much. Thank you, Melissa. Thanks for having me. Here are the three things that really captured my attention with regards to the conversation with Jen.

 

The first point is that you can be a philanthropist. You do not require an inordinate amount of time, nor millions or billions of dollars. And I think that is refreshing because even a Random act of kindness today, again, in light of February 17th is something that is going to give you those giving benefits that Jen spoke of.

 

The second point is that Jen did say that giving has biological benefits. And I think if you want to really think about ways to bubble wrap your sanity as a mom, entrepreneur, founder, or creator. This offers a very productive solution. So if you actually intend to give in any sort of way, whether it's your time or even your skills, please be aware it might be selfish and that is okay.

 

The third point is that Jen and I really talked about this idea that should you start your own nonprofit? Let's say that you have a for profit organization or business or consultancy practice, and you're thinking about a nonprofit. Is this a path that makes sense for you? Is this going to make business sense?

 

Is this going to be in alignment with the amount of time you have to give on a weekly basis to your business? Well, from my perspective and Jen's, it's really important to understand that creating a nonprofit is an entire business in and of itself. And if you feel like you can be at the helm of leadership in both entities at the same time and be a mom, then God bless you.

 

And I definitely support you. So let me know how I can help you really make that true. Otherwise, there are options such as cause marketing and donating actual money from your business to an organization that makes sense, given what Jen said. So given your passion, which that is going to help give you the lift you need and be invigorated by your donations or your giving, or given in alignment with the services that you offer and your main value proposition.

 

Please be aware, this is really strategic and it's something that I could absolutely support you with. Reach out to me on Instagram at Melissa Lerina. This is in the show notes at M E L I S S A L L A R E N A. Let me know if you would like some guidance pertaining to the very next step with regards to your business.

 

Oftentimes we don't know what we don't know. So get on the phone with me. Let me know how I can be of service. What question is on your mind? So I could help answer it or point you in the best direction. I am someone who truly believes that through networking, we can each find our angels. And in that way, I want to support you this very week.

 

So go ahead. Do not be shy. Get on Instagram at Melissa Llarena. Hope you enjoyed this conversation. Be sure to share this with one mom entrepreneur in that very way you are actually giving. And again, February 17th is a random act of kindness day. So celebrate it as Jen suggested. And I hope you do get that massage just like Jen shall be doing.

 

Thank you again.

Would you consider yourself to be a visionary mom entrepreneur? If you are then I'd love to talk to you to better understand your unique perspective on something I'm working on. You can pick the best 15-minute time ( https://go.oncehub.com/ClientSessionMelissaLlarena) that works for you if you currently have a vision that you are working towards this year. Or you can email me melissa (at) melissallarena.com

I'n 15-minutes, we'll go through this NEW offer based on 12-years of mothering while in business. Sign-up: https://go.oncehub.com/ClientSessionMelissaLlarena 

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Schedule a 15-minute Zoom call using this LINK for details about the 9-week program. Alternatively, email me for more details melissa (at) melissallarena.com - this program will roll out with 5 visionary entrepreneurs. Will you be one in the first cohort? Seeking the first fabulous five.

 Welcome to episode 216. This is a story of a single mom who has been battling chronic illness, Crohn's, and has also been in the hospital for at least 13 kidney related surgeries. in spite of her doctor appointments and uncertain health status every single day, she continues to go all in on building a  business that expresses this: we are all that we are all champions inside. Today's guest is Elva Treviño.  Elva is an entrepreneur with a passion for fitness, leadership, entertainment, and making a positive impact as a celebrity trainer and public speaker. She captivates audiences with her motivational talks, drawing from personal experiences and providing actionable advice to empower individuals to overcome challenges and achieve their goals. Elva is living her mission. She's an example. An example for anyone that is finding themselves constantly in the hospital or constantly facing failures and challenges. And also an example for those of us who frankly are not. Yes, to be human is to struggle but some of us at least we have our health and this episode, I would really encourage you not just to hear Elva's words and see that she's super passionate, but I want you to feel, feel the sense of urgency that Elva has with the way that she is approaching her one life, despite being a single mom and having a chronic illness.

Let's connect: https://www.instagram.com/melissallarena/

Let's talk about your business: https://www.melissallarena.com/sessions/

Grab a free chapter of Fertile Imagination: https://www.melissallarena.com/fertileideas/

HIGHLIGHTED QUESTIONS

1) Share any stories you have of single parenting with a chronic illness (Crohn's) to help listeners with health concerns

2) What are your go-to self-care practices to combat business and/or single motherhood fatigue?

3) How have you navigated having a chronic illness to spread your message of building a community of champions? Any practical  tips?

4) What single most important life lesson are you hoping your daughter takes away from seeing her mom move forward despite a chronic illness?

This episode is brought to you by Fertile Imagination, my book, a guide for stretching every mom's superpower for maximum impact. I share in this book also an example of a mom who was facing a major illness. Esther, who's a DJ in Amsterdam, big shout out to Esther. Serves as an example of what the mind is capable of when a mom is facing a really big health scare and is able to have so much confidence in herself to take the onus on herself to heal so that she can be the best mom she possibly can, and then also live out her dreams.

Totally no BS dreams, just like the ones that are on her heart, even if that includes playing Tupac at a former cathedral in a nightclub in Amsterdam, just like Esther. So that is in my book. And if you're inspired by Esther's story, I have other stories as well of humans who have thoroughly Used and express themselves by using a fertile imagination.

A fertile imagination is the ability to cast a vision that is so big that you may have never seen a mom accomplish it ever before. And Elva is also such an example of that. So take all her words to heart because they are, they have the potential to really set you on the path of deliberate action. Deliberate advocacy in your community and deliberate mommying to, to your kids. Enjoy the conversation. And if you're interested in the book, just go to ..

www.fertileideas.com.  

About Elva

Elva Trevino is an entrepreneur with a passion for fitness, leadership, entertainment, and making a positive impact. As a celebrity trainer and public speaker, she captivates audiences with her motivational talks, drawing from personal experiences and providing actionable advice to empower individuals to overcome challenges and achieve their goals. Additionally, Elva serves as a charismatic spokesmodel, effectively representing and collaborating with brands/non profits while leveraging her engaging presence to connect with a diverse audience. Her multifaceted approach, encompassing fitness advocacy, entertainment, charity work, community engagement, mentoring emerging leaders, owning her own businesses, and being a sought-after celebrity trainer, positions her as an influential figure across various domains. She's also been recognized for her visionary contributions, having been nominated as one of the top 100 visionaries in healthcare globally in 2021.

Follow her journey

https://www.instagram.com/advo_elva/

TRANSCRIPT

Elva Treviño,  I am so excited to have you on the podcast.  Thanks. I'm excited to be here.  So this is something that listeners might not know.

So I am actually, which is unexpected, interviewing someone that is also in the big state of Texas in the United States. And you're in Houston, right? Yeah. Growing more every day.  Yeah, I think the only time I've been there was to Minute Maid Baseball Park. So that is my impression of Houston thus far. And my little boys really enjoyed it.

So it was a really good time. And I wanted to just learn about you, your experiences, a little bit of your background, a bit about your champion mindset. I'm very intrigued by that. And also just. Tell us a little bit about what, what it is that you're looking to accomplish in Houston and the greater and the greater world.

What is your vision?  

I love it. I'm really excited to be here. And just a quick shout out to Sev when you hear this for connecting us. And it's always great to connect with like minds in so many different ways. So, but to kick off that question, my name is Elva Trevino. I'm 38. I'll be 39 in April this year.

And I'm just a woman who has had a lot of. Dreams and visions, but has persevered through a lot of challenges that most people feel like they really wouldn't be able to get through to me. It's just a way of life, but it's always been the driving force of why I started pursuing entrepreneurship, why I started pouring into community and why I always just looked at my story as a backbone of something that could unlock others.

So in 2019, I started a brand called Champions Club that was actually built from my garage. And at the time I was marketing two different brands, working for others, seeing a need here in Houston for just helping people to wake up with health, personal training and things of that nature. But growing up severely asthmatic and having so many challenges when it came to my asthma, even as an athlete, I didn't realize how much mindset training that that actually.

Created throughout my life to get to a certain point where, as I was helping people in those years, marketing those two other brands prior to champions club, I noticed that there was something in the mindset that there was a gap that was needing basically being needed to fill. So when I say that you take the person who wants to lose a 50 pounds or race in a marathon or iron man, like I did, you see the bodybuilders and the athletes from teenage up to professional sports.

But what drives those results was always. And when I started getting to the average people, the stay at home moms, which are really not average, but just the everyday type of goals, I noticed.  Why do we, why can't everyone feel like a champion at some point in their life? So fitness really became the gateway for me to really pour into others in my community.

And I never would have imagined back then that the pathway that took me on. Being that I just stayed relentless in my pursuit of my own personal health challenges that it would turn into this massive brand that's been able to serve clients in 15 different countries online, where we were able to open our first brick and mortar here in Houston that we're currently franchising a concept for, that we were able to spin off dreams like music and entertainment and community work and leadership and mentorship all through the walls of my gym.

So since 2019, we've basically created an umbrella company to actually, and we're working on a couple of sister concepts that have really aligned to the community in terms of leadership and just helping people to pursue their dreams. Now, when we look at those commonalities, the mindset's at the root of all of it.

So before champions clump came into existence in 2019, I'd gone through years of having so many health issues with my asthma, but it was the need for 13 kidney surgeries and having two tubes out of my left kidney that really put the fire in my heart and just my mindset to use my voice in a larger platform to really help people to wake up before they found themselves in shoes like mine.

And I know that we won't always all be here, but When I say I want to leave everything out here before anything ever were to happen, being that I'm a single mom and my daughter's entering her high school years. I've done just that over the last five years. It's really just been about the pursuit of making sure that we're leaving our mark behind so that The future of my daughter's being raised in is going to look a lot better than the way it's been  And I think there's  there's so many people that you are impacting by demonstrating just how How anyone can, can continue to like go after their dreams, even if they have a chronic illness, even if they are a single parent.

And, and I thought it would be really, really helpful to just share with the listeners a little bit about maybe like a story about a time when having a chronic illness for you or any of those surgeries. got in your way, but then you use the power of mindset to not let it stay in your way.  Oh, there's some like, as you were speaking, I had like a flash of pictures and it's interesting because when I first started doing podcasts, it was typically the testimonial of this very thing.

So I think it's actually pretty cool that I'm coming full circle to come back into that health story as I still battle health.  Issues every single day, basically. So taking it back to when I first started to find my voice, they always say, if you want to give, give some, get something done, give it to a busy person.

But when it comes to business too, when you have a parent or just someone who is waking up, hitting the floor, running for, for a mini them or nieces and nephews or siblings, just something that's bigger than them. There is no stopping. There are people who are relying on your efforts every single day. So back to those days where I was finding that voice inside of me and having to quietly go to my doctor's visits.

I ended up having about 13 different doctors towards the end of the two years of my surgeries. And most people didn't know what was going on at the time. The people I worked for at that time, there were a handful of people like a dot of people outside of my parents and my daughter who knew what I was experiencing, but I, in those days, it was really a time where I knew that I needed to isolate.

Myself away from the noise to stay clear and stay focused. You can probably compare it to someone who was told, Hey, you made it to the Olympics. You have three months to train. Like what kind of mindset would that take from someone? So taking that  picture of the Olympic mindset, that's how I felt back then  I was standing on stages, dolled up with hair and makeup.

Wearing a beautiful dress, speaking to people in the thousands at times, training on fitness and health and business and leadership. And all the while, when I had my two nephrostomy tubes out of my left kidney,  which at that point, the doctors in my hospital had never put two tubes, two incisions into one kidney before. 

They had no clue that I had these bags. That were taped to my ribs under my dress. They had no idea that I couldn't see sometimes past the first couple of rows. In fact, actually, after the last surgery. My mom was in the stands on that one. And it was supposed to be a big weekend. I had just gotten the tubes out.

It had been a long 22 months, financially and all those things.  And I remember almost blacking out on stage. And if I showed you the picture, you wouldn't be able to tell. I'm sitting up there, going on a panel for 22 minutes, and as soon as I walked off that stage, I looked at my mom in the eyes, and she came from the medical industry, so she knew something was up.

And I grabbed her by the hand and I said, Take me to the hospital right now. Post surgery, I had a blood clot the size of a golf ball, but what they don't know, before I spoke, was that I was violently ill in the bathroom, vomiting, and just dizzy. But it was my pursuit of the people who needed to hear my story that day that didn't let me say, I can't talk today.

And there were so many moments through my career where I pushed through. There's another where they were going to first put the tube in my back, but I was doing my first gala that I was organizing for 250 people at Univision Studios on behalf of the brand that I was representing. And I looked at the doctor and I said, you can't do that.

I have a gala that's my gala for 250 people tomorrow. This is revolutionizing health in Houston for Latinos. You can't, you can't put that tube in my back. I have a backless dress. I have to wear it tomorrow. And I left the ER. Before I should have. So it's so many moments like that where we can find ourselves maybe being a little bit on the brink of,  Tim Grover always says, a little bit of insanity.

And sometimes you have to have just a hint of that for you to truly make things happen. And I firmly believe that if we, if we test our mindsets, far enough, our bodies will always follow. So no matter if it's a health issue or a bad day, if it's a business idea or a family challenge, we all have moments like that.

Maybe mine come with medical records that are through the roof, but I feel like everyone listening to this can relate to those pivotal moments in themselves where they found a fight. They couldn't always explain where it was coming from, but they knew that they had to listen to that. So, like I said, there's so many moments I could go over, but those are two that I can recall right now.

Yeah, I think it's, it's, it goes back to what you said earlier, which is just that people are relying on your efforts. And it reminds me of, you know, The book that I wrote, Fertile Imagination, I have a chapter there that's dedicated to a woman who decided to become a DJ in her fifties and like play every kind of song you could possibly imagine.

And at one point, her daughter was six and her daughter had cancer. And of course, being a mom, she completely let go of herself. And some years later, she contracted cancer. And Esther was able to, with the same inner resourcefulness that you exhibited over the course of three years, not even knowing what kind of issue was going on.

She was bedridden for three years, right? She was able to like stop her own medications and, and, and feel her tailbone again. And it's like. I mean, anybody that's going to be able to go through all of that is going to know that, you know what, I'm going to light the world on fire with my passion. And I'm going to, now that I get a second chance, third chance, 15th chance, however many chances you feel you've been given, it's kind of like, well, what are you going to do with it?

Pardon for the tiny little interruption, but I wanted to tell you something that's so important. I wanted to tell you that I have created a program to help visionary mom entrepreneurs through the use of their fertile imagination. You know, that book I was talking about a little bit earlier where I'm helping you cast this vision that maybe you've never seen a mom accomplished before a income generating impact making business that you can actually do while being a present mom.

Yeah, that I'm going to teach you how to use that capability, that superpower of your fertile imagination so that this way you could accomplish whatever vision you have more quickly. I'm going to help you establish, earn the trust and gain the support of the mentors, moguls, or market makers who can take your business idea to the next level, all without awkward, nor having to pretend to be anyone else than your playful self.

Actually, your playful self is going to distinguish you and become your competitive edge. I want to talk to you. If this sounds right up your alley, if you're committed to really, really. Seeing your business idea and making it come true. Then I want to talk to you on a free consultation, 30 minutes over zoom confidential, so that this way you can articulate your precise vision, which is.

Huge, a lot of us have a hard time doing that. And second, we could come up with a clearly defined road map. One that takes into account the stage of motherhood in which you find yourself. I did that the other day. I was actually speaking to someone who wants to build out an HR consultancy practice. And in that 30 minute free complimentary session.

Complimentary and free being repetitive,  we were able to figure out that what she needed to do right now in light of her kids school schedule was build relationships on the East Coast, a whole different time zone than where she is in the Rocky Mountain area. And she had it to, she had to figure out who would be the centers of influence so that this way, once her schedule cleared up in 2025, she could run, just hit the ground running and build out her HR consultancy practice.

We went through other things as well, but I wanted to just give you the nutshell so that this will, you have a good appreciation for the fact that these free 30 minute consultations, they will be limited because I really want to understand the business challenge that you're facing in the moment in not seeing your vision through.

And I also want to take a really, really keen. I and see what you might not be able to see or what is right under your nose and doable at any stage in which you are in as a mom, I E, maybe you're at that stage where you don't want to hop on airplanes and meet all these strangers in order to network. So I'll meet you where you are.

Just go to the link, melissalarina. com forward slash. Sessions, there is an application because it is really important that you are committed to the process of building out your business. And the application is so easy. It's absolutely insane how easy it is, especially in relation to everything that needs to happen in order for you to see your vision through and be a mom.

So I invite you to join me. On a free breakthrough session, let's go through your vision, articulate it, and I will help you with a roadmap so that this way you have a really good idea of your best next step. Meanwhile, if you do want to hire me as your coach, so that this way you can actually leverage the support of mentors, moguls, Or market makers who can actually take your business to the next level, then absolutely we can do so and have a conversation about what that might look like for you during those free consultations.

No pressure. This is really in service to you, a podcast listener. And I want to make sure that everything that you heard today, you're able to put into action in your real life. Again, melissalarino. com forward slash sessions. Enjoy the rest of the conversation. And this will be in the show notes.  Exactly.

And, and, and honestly, it takes some of those moments for ourselves for a lot of times for us to feel like our backs against the wall. There is nothing else to do, but fight and fight. When we say the word fight, people take it as a negative thing. We're fighting for what we have every single day. And whether you feel like that's you're on the offensive side or the defensive side of it.

 People don't realize they're in a fight every single day for their families and themselves, their mental health and all these things. I mean, the world is changing every single day. So when I look back, all those challenges were absolutely necessary because for it to have grown me into the person it's grown me into and what it continues to do.

Had I not had all those dark, crazy internal Courageous moments and moments that could have passed me by  all the people I've impacted that we've impacted together. It never would have happened. So we have to embrace those moments and we need to actually sometimes want a few more of them because it helps us level up a lot faster when our backs against the wall like that. 

I completely agree. And I think as I think about my own history and I think about My mom, right? So she has manic depression. She's had it since forever. She was a single mom, but there's so many inside the psych units, outside the psych units. And she told me, she said, Melissa, I do it for you. Like,  and it's like, holy cow, like little me, like when I was like five, six, seven.

And what that did for me, just to give you perspective, cause I'm going to ask you about your daughter. But what that did for me was kind of like, I was like resilience. I was like. I eat that for breakfast.  It's like that, that's who I am now. It's like, there's no one to tell me who I can talk to. Cause I've spoken to everybody I've needed to talk to.

And as a kid to survive. So what do you think this witnessing of you and how mommy's handling all these adversities and challenges, what do you think this is doing for your daughter? What do you anticipate? When she was three years old, I made some conscious decisions to start doing things in a way that were not normal.

And what I mean by that is traditionally not always looking at working for someone else. And I knew then that these years that she's walking into, I had a full circle moment last week when we had parents night for her high school, which is in a great district here in Houston.  I fought like hell to make sure that that that vision never stopped.

And for me, it's not about her living vicariously, me living vicariously through her to the way that I would enforce these, these responsibilities on her back. But as a first gen myself, as well as her because of her father, it's a responsibility where we've been able to embrace and empower our family lineage and say, how can we honor what's been done for us?

And how can we take that even further?  So my daughter, when I see her spirit, her character, her work. willingness to learn both traditional education and to be open to the wisdom and the real talks and the very deep talks at such a young age.  It's, it's being put into action every day. And now with her eyes set on being the first kid, uh, the first person in our family to hit Ivy league, whether or not that's going to happen for her is ultimately up to her.

But it's, it's already happening and I'm so proud of her more every day. And I know that her seeing me, mommy in the hospital up and down those early years where she was in elementary school, it just makes me appreciate the people who were around her in those days from teachers to counselors, to some of our family and just people that really created that support system, despite the term single mom.

Yes. I did a lot of this on my own, but for her to.  Have seen that witness it that strength is already embedded in her at the same time I feel blessed that God gave her to me in this time frame because a lot of the things that came out of her mouth While those years were happening Well, she was sent to me for a reason and those words were a lot of affirmation and things I needed in those moments where it got tough and she's a little Champion.

So I'll let her continue to define that in her own identity. But until then she knows character over anything else. And I'm, I'm really happy to see how that continues to unravel in her life.  Yeah. And I, and I'm wondering as a business owner and a parent and a leader and, and, and advocate for Latinos,  I mean.

How do you, how do you incorporate this, this notion of, of self care so that every day you give yourself a chance to get back up and do it again and then do it again and then do it again because it can't be like a runaway train, you know what I mean? So like, what sort of practical tips can you give someone that.

Also has chronic illness, but, but the vision and the dream is, is, is so freaking big that they have to keep going, but you've, there's gotta be something in check, you know? Yeah. It's interesting because I spoke to a thousand, uh, teens this, this Saturday and the same question came up without the health part in there.

They didn't know all of that. And they're like, mystery, what can I do? And the same exact question. And so I broke it down to them. I said, give me three things. And I was like, well, there's not just three, but What's helped me is, oh, and we hear it, but we need to really live in it. We need to submerge ourselves in it.

Gratitude, whether you're in a high or a low in that day to everyone listening to this with respect to what they believe. For me, my faith has grounded me through all things, especially since those days of my illness took over. I mean, it threw me into that in a whole different level, and I'm grateful to be able to pass some of those things on psychologically, physically, this.

Having to stay in this constant state of alignment really does help. So we can have weeks and months where we're great. For me in this season, I experienced a lot of flare ups. Those flare ups can come in so many different ways. When I say they're debilitating, it can be debilitating at times. I remember waking up last year out of my bed and I couldn't even walk on my feet every morning just because of the inflammation and chronic disruption from head to toe. 

It's not always easy to kick flare ups out like that, especially when you do your best to do things holistically. Every morning I would wake up and every night I would go to sleep with gratitude, whether it was in tears, whether it was a productive day, we have to set that intention and keep that intention first.

And we have to mean it. We can't just say these things or look at a couple words and affirmations and just run through that. If you are not in love with your processes, it's time for you to fall back in love with your processes.  And those processes have to be a formula that works for you. Now, I also mentioned that having a great state of like a stress maintenance in your life is so important.

And take it from me, you, you juggle all these things, whether you run businesses or not. We have to make sure that the way that we are understanding ourselves in each new season, stress management needs to be in there because if not, it's going to continue to make us sick because it does. We have constant things that are distracting us.

We have tech, we have the air quality going to crap every day. We have food working against us. We have family stress, emotional distress, COVID stress, all these things. And if there's nowhere to put it. There's no outlet. Yes, working out is a good stress reliever, but I'm talking about what works for you.

Is it writing it? Is it talking about it? Is it breathing techniques? Is it yoga? Is it music? Music is a great healing process or maintenance thing for me. There's, there's certain frequencies to music that help heal the body naturally. So there's so many different things that we need to find in that formula.

But for me, having a state of gratitude, making sure that each season, whatever I choose to be my stress maintenance, that I'm attaching it to my every single day. And then making sure that I'm staying around great people in this season of my life. I'm just not willing to put up with the things that are toxicities.

I'm just not willing to put up with the people and things that could try to intentionally or subconsciously pull me down. I don't have the capacity for it. And if anything, it makes me sick. So I've removed a lot of things that it's probably taken a decade for me to really get to this point where there's no people pleasing.

Elva says no more. Elva preserves her energy more. She makes sure she gets her rest more. She's not going to take any invitation to a social, because guess what? Her body and her mind need rest. And if we don't do those things, all of it will catch up to you. I promise.  What is it that, that you wish someone who's listening to this, who is completely healthy,  completely healthy, completely resourced, they have a dream in their heart, and they're just Scared as hell to jump and take a leap.

What do you want them to hear?  Right now, and I just got chills as I heard you say that,  you know, there are so many things that you can look up on Google to see what Elva's involved in, and there's a reason for that.  A lot of the mentors that I follow, um, they're in stages of duplication. And to me, true success isn't just about hitting a mark financially or career wise or with family. 

I can always tell someone who's successful because they, they, they know it's their responsibility at a certain point to pass that knowledge and wisdom down, to duplicate that into others and to, to keep that success rolling.  There are some people who are not. as open and selfless to helping their community up.

That's okay. Be who you want to be and do what you want to do. But for those who feel like fortunate and that they've got some of those things together and they're, they're trying to make a leap into something unknown.  We don't have the luxury right now in our society for everyone to not step up to their full potential and to be in their A game. 

And when you're in an a game, it doesn't mean rigidly working your days and hours in the calendar like you're maximizing what you could be doing in those hours  that requires taking a step back and really looking at how am I serving my. community, and how am I leaving an imprint in our society?

Accumulatively,  because to be honest, at 38 years old, some of the things that I've done, yeah, they've been pretty cool. They, yeah, they've gotten some attention. Okay, great. The top 100 visionary in healthcare globally. Cool. Okay, great. The mayor's Hispanic Heritage Awards for community activism. Great.

Honestly, I feel bad that there's a lot of room at the quote unquote top that people feel this inspiration towards some of the things I've done because in my head I'm just over here waving my hand saying, Hey guys, you see me over here? I really need some help because you have the knowledge of this and you have the wisdom of this.

And we are leaving behind a tainted future for our children. We are in this, I'm in this generation where it's parents, health and getting older and children and looking at what we're leaving behind for them. Um, if you care about what's been given to you, whether it was in a great way or in you did it in spite of what wasn't given to you,  we have to keep coming together to pour in and to lift up our communities.

We have to, there is no,  any person can sleep. We can't afford that right now. And I just really want to inspire you that whatever is on the other side of that fear, once you take a step into courage and you commit yourself to always having courage to pursue those things that are whispering at you every single day.

Whatever is on the other side of that there is something that you have been Limiting your potential with because you just won't answer that call.  So answer that call and take a step of courage because everything else you'll eventually figure out what to do with and how to do it.  Thank you, Elva. So Elva, where can people continue to follow your journey and, and help you out?

How can they reach out to you? Well, for one, stay tuned on to this podcast because we know that she's going to continue to bring great people on trailblazers and people all over the world. As far as communication in this season, there's so many things that we are driving very, very strongly in our community.

So I've been warning everybody that the best form of communication is just my email. If you have a testimony or some, some sort of organization or anything that we can walk arms with, whether it be in Houston or some of the outside communities we're working with, We have our hearts set on some really big activism coming up this year in DC.

We've got a lot of things happening down here in Texas, which is the eighth largest economy in the world right now. There are so many displaced leaders, quiet, silent warriors who are looking for communities and people who can just understand them to lock arms with. Just email me info at championsclub.

global. I love connecting with pioneers. I mean, we're living in a history book every single day right now. So if it's not a connection to something, it could just be a, Hey girl, I see you across the country keep going. And if everyone tells you, you can't. Text me in a month and I'm going to tell you the same.

Keep going. Besides that, my Instagram and LinkedIn, Elva Trevino, Elva underscore Elva. I've been a little less quiet there the last 90 days or so, but it's because we're working really hard behind the scenes on some big things. So that's, that's pretty, the easiest way to get ahold of me and for. Most of the things that we've done, you can Google and kind of research some of the work that we've done, but we're just getting started.

And let me tell you, mistakes and making mistakes is a lot of a large part of that process. So if you're in a season that you're still trying to get some clarity, it's okay. I've been there too. And I promise you, I've gone through more challenges than most of you guys had. So if I can do this, so can you.

Thank you, Elva.  No problem.  You could feel Elva's. Enormous sense of urgency. And I want to really express these three thoughts to you. And I would encourage you to immediately think about them for yourself. The first one is who's relying on your efforts. Really have that person in mind. Every single time you feel like quitting.

The second is about community. Elva doesn't have to be thinking about other people. As a single parent, she has enough to think about for her daughter and of her business. But she wants to leave the world better off than she found it. And she's finding it within her to also want to impact the Latino community.

What about you? Might you want to impact your own community? Third one, what dream are you deferring? And why do you assume that you're going to be around forever in order to see it through its fullest execution? What dream are you deferring? This one hits home because Elva is facing death every single day and so are we.

Except we might not physically feel it. We might not be going to hospitals every single day. We might not be in physical pain every single day. But at the same time, life is risky too. And so with that I really hope that you feel inspired to do something, even a little thing for yourself today or your community or your loved ones, and really just take to heart the fact that even if you have a chronic illness, even if you feel, feel ill, there's a value to your story.

There really is. And that might be enough. So I hope you enjoyed this conversation. And I urge you share this with someone who's a working mom. With her own business, her own vision, who is experiencing a chronic illness today. Elva has the potential to really turn her life around. 

Tune in to learn how to leverage the three pillars of positivity to build your success by Silicon valley entrepreneur and business strategy John Hagel III. Consider this THE change management guide for mom entrepreneurs. If you are exhausted by the fear, uncertainty, and emotional gunk of change then bookmark this conversation. My take is that John offers a fresh and much needed reframe (it's more than a reframe) to help us get more out of our business ideas.

Becoming an entrepreneur is an exciting venture. But when you're a mom juggling the demands of raising children while also launching a business, it can be a challenging journey fraught with fear and uncertainty. On an episode of Unimaginable Wellness, management consultant, author, and speaker, John Hagel, delves into his latest book, "The Journey Beyond Fear," and shares how mothers can harness their imagination to turn fear into an avenue for opportunity.

Hagel suggests that by unleashing the boundless potential of your imagination, you can navigate the psychology of change more efficiently. He points out that emotions, especially fear and excitement, have a profound impact on our actions. The trick, according to Hagel, is to shift our perspective of fear from being a threat to viewing it as an opening for growth.

This episode is brought to you by Fertile Imagination: A Guide For Stretching Every Mom’s Superpower For Maximum Impact – My book is now available on Amazon in its paperback version and Kindle format. Grab a free chapter on www.fertileideas.com. 

DM me on Instagram @melissallarena just type the word FERTILE and I’ll share the link if that’s easier to get to fertileideas.com for all the details you need to celebrate your own Fertile Imagination! Here’s that link: https://www.instagram.com/melissallarena/ 

About John Hagel

• John Hagel is a management consultant, author, and speaker with over 40 years of experience in his field. After retiring as a partner from Deloitte, he wrote his latest book "The Journey Beyond Fear," which addresses the psychology of change and how it can help people navigate through life changes. John is currently developing a series of programs to help people navigate change at various levels through his newly founded company, Beyond Our Edge.

• By harnessing your imagination and drive, you can shape your own narrative, focus on the future, and tap into the limitless potential of excitement and opportunity. This conversation provides mom entrepreneurs with practical tools and lessons to embark on a fulfilling entrepreneurial journey.

 

In this episode, you will hear:

• Exploring the power of imagination in overcoming fear and achieving success in entrepreneurship for mothers

• John Hagel, shares insights from his book "The Journey Beyond Fear". The discussion revolves around the psychology of change and its impacts on mothers in entrepreneurship. 

• The relationship between fear and excitement is examined, highlighting how these emotions can either hinder or drive us towards success. 

• John shares practical tools on how to shift our perception of fear from being a threat to an opportunity for growth. 

• The power of personal narratives in shaping a more positive future and methods to optimize them

• The importance of rebuilding self-trust and granting ourselves permission to play

• Understanding how to stretch your imagination to achieve big goals and impact is explained. 

• The crucial role of sustainability in maintaining long-term influence in entrepreneurship.

• Insights on the importance of curiosity, accountability, and shared excitement in achieving our ambitions are given. 

• Tips on using your imagination and drive to craft a fulfilling journey as a mom entrepreneur are shared. 

• Identifying common threads to guide personal narratives towards a more fulfilling future

• How to turn fear into an opportunity and drive for more significant impact

• The balance between passion and impact in entrepreneurship

• The power of positivity and optimism in overcoming challenges and resistance in entrepreneurship

• John’s personal journey of changing his narrative at the age of 54

• The role of excitement in achieving limitless potential and a desire to connect with others

• The importance of shaping our own narrative and focusing on the future for sustained success

• Understanding the three stages of optimizing one's imagination for maximum impact, including rebuilding self-trust, granting permission to play, and stretching imagination to achieve goals

SHARE this episode with mothers who are entrepreneurs, aspiring to be, or anyone looking for strategies to shift their mindset from fear to opportunity.

Supporting Resources:

 

John’s Book: https://www.johnhagel.com/book-the-journey-beyond-fear-by-john-hagel-iii/ 

Subscribe and Review

Have you subscribed to my podcast for new moms who are entrepreneurs, founders, and creators?  I’d love for you to subscribe if you haven’t yet. 

 

I’d love it even more if you could drop a review or 5-star rating over on Apple Podcasts. Simply select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” then a quick line with your favorite part of the episode. It only takes a second and it helps spread the word about the podcast for writer moms. 

About Fertile Imagination – www.fertileideas.com

 

You can be a great mom without giving up, shrinking, or hiding your dreams. There’s

flexibility in how you pursue anything – your role, your lifestyle, and your personal and

professional goals. The limitations on your dreams are waiting to be shattered. It’s

time to see and seize what’s beyond your gaze. Let’s bridge your childhood daydreams

with your grown-up realities. Imagine skipping with your kids along any path – you,

surpassing your milestones while your kids are reaching theirs. There’s only one superpower versatile enough to stretch your thinking beyond what’s been done before: a

Fertile Imagination. It’s like kryptonite for impostor syndrome and feeling stuck when

it’s alert!

 

In Fertile Imagination, you will awaken your sleeping source of creative solutions. If you

can wake up a toddler or a groggy middle schooler, then together with the stories in

this book – featuring 25 guests from my podcast Unimaginable Wellness, proven tools,

and personal anecdotes – we will wake up your former playmate: your imagination!

 

Advance Praise

 

“You’ll find reality-based strategies for imagining your own imperfect, fulfilling

life in this book!” —MARTHA HENNESSEY, former NH State Senator

“Melissa invites the reader into a personal and deep journey about

topics that are crucially important to uncover what would make a mom

(and dad too) truly happy to work on...even after the kids are in bed.”

—KEN HONDA, best-selling author of Happy Money

 

“This book is a great purchase for moms in every stage of life. Melissa is like a

great friend, honest and wise and funny, telling you about her life and asking you to

reflect on yours.” —MAUREEN TURNER CAREY, librarian in Austin, TX

 

Welcome to episode 214. Feeling pulled in a million directions as a mompreneur? Juggling tasks, battling overwhelm, and chasing those next-level business goals seems like a constant tightrope walk. But what if you could harness the power of focus to turn your hectic days into laser-sharp productivity? In comes today’s podcast guest Severine Naessens a seasoned entrepreneur and mother to a teenage daughter.

 

Say hi on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/melissallarena/

 

About Severine

 

Séverine is a mom, multilingual effective communications coach, consultant and trainer, university lecturer and keynote speaker. Born and raised in Belgium, she moved to Mexico at age 24, where she worked for the Belgian Consulate, built out a Digital Marketing company, and became a life coach and communications trainer, and consultant. Over the years she has participated as a lecturer for La Salle University in Cancún and as a speaker at different events that promote the development of women and responsible communication. She has also been a guest on various international podcasts and has been invited to Radio and Television shows throughout Mexico to speak about topics related to parenting, business communication, and female empowerment. Recently widowed, she decided to once again reinvent herself and moved back to her native Ghent with her teenage daughter, after having lived a fulfilled and exciting life in Mexico for 23 years. Tapping into all of the knowledge and experience she has gathered over the past decennia, she currently serves as lecturer on diverse and inclusive communication for the Artevelde University of Applied Sciences for the students of the bachelor’s in international communication management. Besides teaching at the university, she is serves and supports high-achieving professionals in creating clarity and establishing responsible communication with their loved ones and teams alike. She does so by providing personalized consulting, training, conferences, workshops, mentoring and one-on-one coaching sessions to identify the obstacles and provide practical solutions out of the wide array of tools and insights she has gathered over the years.

 

Links for more information

 

Instagram @coachseverinenaessens

https://www.facebook.com/CoachSeverineNaessens/

 

Websites

https://www.severinenaessens.com

https://www.highachievingparents.com

LinkedIn

https://www.linkedin.com/in/severinenaessens

About Melissa the host of Unimaginable Wellness

Hi there! I'm Melissa, an executive coach empowering mompreneurs. Tired of imposter syndrome holding you back? I help moms like you transform that doubt into fuel for success. Feeling overwhelmed? Let's nip that bud together and unlock your productivity superpowers. And forget chasing milestones solo - I'll show you how to leverage the magic of networking to reach those seemingly distant goals for your business. Because with the right connections, anything is within reach for a mompreneur. So, ready to ditch the overwhelm, amplify your voice, and take your business to the next level? Let's get started! Say hi on Instagram and I’ll send you gift via a link to a free chapter of my bestseller Fertile Imagination: A Guide for Stretching Every Mom’s Superpower for Maximum Impact: https://www.instagram.com/melissallarena/

Additional links:

How to get unstuck in your business quiz? https://www.tryinteract.com/share/quiz/64fb50ebd9dce900148cdff8

Mom Mogul Webinar Replay: https://witty-thinker-2643.ck.page/7e884a0f0a

Schedule a free breakthrough 30-minute call: https://www.melissallarena.com/sessions/

TRANSCRIPT

 

Melissa. This is impromptu. Love it. Yes,

 

Severine:         I love it too. I appreciate you having me. I've been following your journey and I'm super excited about everything that's going on and everything that you're sharing with the world. Thank you, thank you. Thank you for doing that. All the moms, all the mompreneurs, we can use that piece of advice and yeah, that backing voice going, you're doing all right, girl, doing it. All right. So happy to share this space with you.

 

Melissa:          Thank you. Thank you, ine. So why don't you share a little bit about yourself and then also in terms of your motherhood stage, because I have little boys and my twins are 10 and 10, and my eldest is 12, but I'm at a different stage than you, so that can be included in your little about cine portion.

 

Severine:         Well, about me, I was born and raised in Gant Belgium, a wonderful medieval city, which I left at age 24 because I moved to Cancun, Mexico. Quite a bit of a difference there. I did that straight after I graduated from university as a business translator, and I went out to venture for a good six month sabbatical, which turned into 23 years of building up a life in Cancun, Mexico. I absolutely adore the country, the people, the food, the whole thing, the culture. And as I was in Mexico, I developed into a communications coach, trainer and consultant. That being said, it's not about marketing, but it's about interpersonal communication, and I've been able to also put a focus on diverse and inclusive communication as I've been asked by the university to create courses on that for the students on international communications management. So it's full. I'm coming full circle, leaving school, I went out into the world, learned from the world, learned from the experience of being married to a Mexican wonderful man, the father of my daughter, who is now 16.

 

Severine:         So we're in the midst of our teens. It's all good. We are having a great time, wonderful relationship. I've been able to build up with Iati as I have learned to communicate as a mom. So it's like the full package of becoming a communications coach is thanks to the struggles I had with my four-year-old child back in the day when her dad and myself, we split up. So I learned to communicate, and that comes with a lot of breaking of patterns, a lot of breaking of paradigms, and shifting into a healthier relationship based on clear effective communication, respectful communication specifically. So I've been able to take that entire experience and now I can share that with other moms, with other dads, with other leaders as such, because as moms and dads, we lead our families and in business, we lead our teams. So pretty much the same from a communication standpoint.

 

Severine:         So I'm really blessed that I can bring my passion for communication to the world and do that professionally. I get a lot of fulfillment out of sharing this with others and guiding others into a better communication, better relationship with the people around them. So that's in a nutshell, and I've come back to Belgium after 23 years in Mexico. We've been here for a good year and a half. It's been a challenge to readapt to my own culture, and I think you can relate after being away from the US for quite a while and then coming back. That story of becoming immigrants and then reintegrating into your own culture brings a lot of struggles, but a lot of interesting wisdom as well. So it's been quite the journey.

 

Melissa:          Yeah, I mean it's interesting because then it's different cultures, different languages, different, and when I think about, let's say from a Spanish language and Spanish that's so generic because I don't know, I guess Mexican or even the precise province where you were in Mexico culture, I'm pretty sure that your experience coaching leaders has been quite varied, and I am sure as far as the way that you've had to adapt as a mom, entrepreneur has been just as rich in terms of the different things that you've had to incorporate in your practice and how you are as a mom for some time, and in terms of just a daughter and being a single mom, right? I'm sure it's shaped a bit of how you've organized yourself. And so in terms of your background and in terms of your journey as an entrepreneur, I'm very, very curious about how you have bubble wrapped your sanity through the different stages of motherhood. But then I'm super curious if you just shared a bit of what was going on during those moments as an entrepreneur. So maybe early on setting the foundation or when you had a change or disruption in childcare, curious how you decided to bubble wrap your sanity. I think that would be so valuable for other moms.

 

Severine:         Obviously it has grown a lot and I've learned a lot over these past 16 years. In the very beginning, I was miserable. In all honesty. It was hard because I was running a digital marketing company at the time, excuse me, and at that time I was doing full-time job as a leader, as a business owner. That's a 24 7 thing, and then you become a mom, and that's another 24 7 thing that comes along and struggling. I had a lot of struggles figuring out when to do what I mean as a baby. She was with me in her crib next to me in the office. I mean, I was carrying the kid along with me. Luckily, I got into decent and good daycare very early on. So I was able to hand her over to the experts on childcare, and I go into my office and do my thing, but it was hard to incorporate the motherhood into the professional me.

 

Severine:         I'm very driven and I can get very laser focused on working, and I would forget I have a child. I mean, it happened that I forgot to go to daycare to pick her up because I was so focused on working. I had totally zoned out on the motherhood part, and I would get a call, ma'am, already 6:00 PM we closed at four. Is everything okay? It's like, oh, shoot, okay. I'm on my way on those little things. After a while that I came to the understanding that I needed to rearrange everything that I was doing, and that's where I learned about focus management and focus management has been through the years I've become more and more proficient in, it has been a life raft for me to bubble wrap my focus, and I will schedule walks into my calendar. I will schedule everything that has to do with my child into my calendar and plan my focus for work around that.

 

Severine:         And that has helped me to bring my child, my family as a priority, but not dropping my professional activities because I am who I am and I keep going. So I think focus management has been the key for me to learn to be present when I'm working. I'm present working. When I'm with my child, I am present as a mom, even though those chunks of time, not necessarily, they're not necessarily large chunks of time, especially now as a teenager, that kind of stretches out into two adults cohabiting because 16 is almost adult and she has become very independent, which I am super grateful for. So it has keeps changing over time. But I do try and I say try because sometimes I do fail at that to be very, very present with my focus. So focusing is one thing that did help me kind of get out of that mayhem that was going on because motherhood as a professional and motherhood in all forms can be mayhem because there's a lot going on. Whatever it is that you do, whether you're a stay at home mom, because that's a 24 7 job as well, whether you're a professional, whether you're an independent, whether you're a freelancer, whether you're a public person, it doesn't matter. Mayhem happens when you have kids around.

 

Severine:         So finding a way of dealing with everything and having that clarity of what is needed so you can set your priorities has helped for me to work my way through motherhood, and then those terrible first two years, that was really, really hard for me to adapt to motherhood. I mean, I can adapt in any professional situation like that because I've got quite some experience, but as a mom, it was very new and it was very hard because it's never what you've expected. You think motherhood's going to be something, and then you become a mom and it's completely different, nowhere near what you thought it would be because all our kids have their own personalities, they have their own needs, and it's a lot of impromptu stuff going on. So yeah, learning to be flexible, that has also been, I mean, the flexibility factor of motherhood I think is key as well, to understand that you will have to be flexible at certain times because things happen with kids and allowing yourself to step out of the rigidity of an agenda and working. And that's why working with focus management has helped me because I'm stepping away from time management

 

Severine:         Because knowing that I need a block of focus for a certain task, I can move that block of focus around in my agenda, but I know I need to focus on a specific task, so I'm not stuck to, oh, from that time to that time, I need to do this because if something happens, I am flexible to move things around. So that has been a couple of the key things for me.

 

Melissa:          The way that you bubble wrap. So my question just because, let's see, here's where it's really hard for me, and maybe other listeners can appreciate this or listeners can appreciate this idea of focus management for me, let's imagine I say, okay, three hours, I don't know when or where on my calendar this moment, but for three hours I'm going to write one email, and I know it might sound like, that's crazy, Melissa, three hours for an email, no joke. Sometimes an email will take me three hours. Okay, so there's the three hours. I put them on a Monday and I have them from 8:00 AM when my kids are in school until whatever, three hours later, right? 8, 9, 10, 11:00 AM not a problem. I'm sitting down, I'm typing away. I'm like, yeah, I got this. Then the school calls me 10:00 AM in the middle of the fricking email as I'm actually putting it together and it says, oh, your kids stepped on poop on the way to school. You might want to spare them from embarrassment. I literally got a call like this and bring them a second pair of sneakers or whatever, or trainers, depending on the country that you're in.

 

Melissa:          How in your history have you thought about those interruptions of your focus? Because that's a chunk, right? So you just said as my example, that's three hours. Here's a block. So then what do you do in that moment? What do you do? What did you do as an example?

 

Severine:         I would evaluate, first of all, how urgent is the situation? I mean, speaking about needing a decent pair of sneakers, I would ask the teachers, are you able to wash them on the spot? Is there a solution you can do without needing me to go to the school? I think there would be some kind. I mean, in this case, if your child is fallen off a tree, falling out of a tree and hurt their head and they need to go to the hospital, obviously you drop everything in that instant and you go, that's a non-negotiable. Leave everything and go mom situation. But in your situation, I would just ask, okay, is this very urgent? What time do you need to be there at school? And I would say, yes, I will bring a pair of sneakers when I pick 'em up at noon, and that would be for me, the end of the phone call and I would go back to focusing on what I was doing.

 

Melissa:          So for me, it's hard to then get back into that focus point. Are there, it's

 

Severine:         The being disrupted.

 

Melissa:          Yeah, because sometimes my experience has been like, I'll get angry. So a lot of moms, for example, they'll say something like, and it depends on their situation. They've complained about this notion of default parenting. So let's just imagine it's two parents and it's always the mom that gets that call. So there's also this emotional residue that I might now bring back to this fricking email. So I'm trying to be really, really practical based on what literally happened to me. So I'm just wondering, okay, so now being skilled in focus management, what might be one tip, actionable tip that a mom can employ when her focus is broken due to an interruption like the one I shared?

 

Severine:         I'm going to speak for myself and share what works for me. I cannot speak for you or anybody else, but what works for me is whenever I'm pulled out of my focus for whatever reason, first and foremost, I try to plan my focus moments smaller. I will break a big task up into subtasks, for example, in your case, a big email that needs a lot of investigation. And because if it takes three hours, it means that you're looking up stuff and you're picking things out of different angles and you're crafting something. So I would break that project up into smaller chunks so that I can work in pieces of maybe half an hour, an hour at a time. If for whatever reason in the middle of a focus moment, I am interrupted by an emergency or by something because first and foremost, when I am focusing, I will put my phone away and the only phone calls that can come through are from my family and from school.

 

Severine:         So if that happens, which is a very small chance, if that does happen, I evaluate the situation, I look at the urgency of the situation and I see, do I need to act now and leave everything as it is and go If yes, I do so, and there's not much you can do about that. If it's not a huge emergency, can somebody else take care of it? Can I count on somebody around me? In your case, it could be your husband. In my case, it could be my brother, for example, or my mom. If I could ask them to step in and take care of the situation, that's the second thing. And then the third thing to go back to my focus, I will get up, walk around, do a breathing exercise and set my mind back on the focus. But I literally get out of my chair because I can understand the feeling of frustration. I was on a roll and they interrupted me, and it's like, I can't get back into it. Just snap out of it if need be. Go outside for a little, walk five minutes, come back, breathe, drink some water, sit down and continue. That's what works for me to get back into my just snap out of whatever is troubling me and to get back into the focus.

Melissa:          That makes a lot of sense. And I think anyone that's listening is going to totally appreciate the fact that you also said that you break up the task into smaller steps, but then on top of that, the time that you allot to them is way smaller. So it's kind of like you're setting up the game so that you win. It's like, how can I make this favorable? So I'm sitting here, I can't control outside factors or the world, so how can I make it so that today or this moment is going to feel like a success? And being super honest, I haven't done that in a lot of instances. So there's so many different frames of thought that I have read. For example, Cal Newport Deep Work, his book is about having extraordinary deep, deep focus in big increments of time. And it's interesting because while that might work for someone that does not have to take care of their kids, I have three kids.

 

Melissa:          Each kid is a variable. We're talking exponential potential for interruptions in the course of a day. But point of the matter is, I think what you just said, for me at least, and anyone that's listening, I would love to hear your thoughts, what you're getting out of C'S wisdom. But for me it's like, okay, there might be many ways that you can, what is it? Slice up an onion, an apple, whatever. But if you're a mom, I think it's really important to understand, depending on what your kid needs from you, it's important for you to tailor what's going to make you feel like you have the greatest chance of success. To be honest, you don't want to end your day looking at your to-do list and saying, and again, I didn't get through it.

 

Severine:         And that's the main idea. If you do work with a to-do list, and I have for many, many years, and I tend to go to to-do list for certain things, but I always make it bite-size, make the task. So you get to tick off a whole bunch of things on the list because that makes mean it's a human thing to tick things off and feel good about it. It's like that little spread of, yay, I did it, and if the yay I did, it means that I don't know you were able to read 10 pages in a book. That's great. I mean, I've got a whole stack of books I need to read, and I'm being gentle on myself setting smaller goals. I'm a big goal girl. I love big goals and I love big challenges, but I always break 'em up into smaller pieces so it's manageable and I can shift away and be flexible if needed.

 

Severine:         But I always, obviously you need the discipline to get back to what it is that needs to be done. No use for you to break up a huge project into 10 bite-sized pieces and not start, you have to go tackle piece number one to move on to piece number two and be disciplined in making sure that over, for example, you set your goals for the week, but you're flexible on moving things between Monday and Tuesday, for example. It's not, flexibility is not from, oh yeah, I'll do it next month. It's being disciplined and having those goals, but being reasonable and taking into account all those factors that can interrupt. I mean, life will happen with kids, it certainly does. So there always may be something impromptu. And also one of the main things I want to share is make sure you plan for me time. One of the things that I've seen as a mom, and I did that in the beginning as well, is I would forget about me. It would be the kid and work the kid and work the kid and work. They didn't work. And then, oops, I have a husband.

 

Severine:         So I would start planning a little bit of meet him because unfortunately my marriage did break and we didn't make it past four years with her in it. We spent 10 years together. But one of the reasons was I was so focused on work, work, work, work, work, and also, oops, the kid, the kid that I had forgotten. I had a husband. My marriage went down to drain because there was no time to focus on that. There was no way for me to manage all things together. But anyway, it is what it is and it was all good. And that is something that in my later marriage and my second marriage, I did plan on spending quality time with myself, quality time with friends. And it's not that I would see my friends every day, every week. It would be maybe once a month, but it would be quality time because that as well as a woman, as a mom, like they say, it takes a village to raise a kid or kids, and it also takes a village to support each other and building your village, having your support system there for you to listen and to speak with and to have fun, got to be something fun in there.

 

Severine:         Doing that also helps balance out everything else, specifically me. Time, time with friends and time with your partner. If you have a partner is super important so that you can fill up your cup to then give it to the kids. You can't run on empty, right? Because if our car runs low on gas, we go get gas. Or if it's an electric one, you plug it in. But we forget to plug ourselves in to that source of joy, that source of energy that is our friends, our family, our spouses, and have some decent me time to recover. So you can keep pouring into the kids' cups.

 

Melissa:          Agreed completely. And I think it's interesting because for me, I feel like, okay, I hear that message, I hear that message, I hear that message. It's exactly the same idea in terms of nutrition and health and dieting and exercising. I've heard that message, I've heard that message, I've heard that message. But I want anyone that's listening right now to just look at her calendar right now today and just see, did you put anything that is going to be remotely fun or restful for yourself today? Absolutely. That's something that's like undeniable because if it's not on the calendar, oftentimes it doesn't get done. So that for me is a huge, huge point of advice for anyone that's listening, that's like a quick little check mark. And you know what? If you do have something on your calendar, then put a check mark there so you get that high that Severine was talking about because that counts too. That is totally just as important ing. Where can listeners find you, learn more about you and send you a dmm if they got value out of this conversation.

 

Severine:         You can find me on LinkedIn with my name, nonsense. I'll share all the links with you as well as well on Instagram, coach ens and on Facebook, same thing, coach ens. It's easy to go find, and right now my website has been translated into Dutch, so for the English speakers, it won't be much value on that website unless you want to learn Dutch. Come on over ine na.com. We'll be back online in English later this year. But for now, social media is the easiest to reach out and send me a dm and I'm always open for a talk.

 

Melissa:          Thank you, Severine

 

Severine:         Pleasure.

 

Melissa:          Severine is so generous. I wanted to just share with you three points that I know you can apply immediately to your life and feel way less overwhelmed. Point number one, chunking down your projects, chunk them down, almost making it as if it's impossible for you not to be productive in that increment of time. So what does that mean? For example, as pivoting was saying, if you're going to write an email and there's different elements to this email, such as the research phase or the writing phase, maybe chuck it down so that this way you're only spending 30 minutes on researching during one point of time on your calendar. Really being generous with yourself as far as giving yourself ample time to accomplish that one thing, but setting yourself up to win is key. The second point is really about making sure that you are absolutely giving yourself some grace.

 

Melissa:          If you are a new mom or if you will become a mom, you need to understand that you have no idea what is ahead. I think Cine said it best. Nobody really knows what it's like to be a mom until you are a mom. So this uncertainty, the same uncertainty you might feel if you're making an investment in your business. Think about it, magnified 10 times as a mom because the stakes are that much higher because it's your child. It is a piece of your heart, so give yourself grace because you do not know what's ahead. And that is, again, why being nimble, which as an entrepreneur, you must be as a mom. It's just like this non-negotiable characteristic that anyone who has been a mom has had to embrace. Third point is the following. Reach out to your girlfriends who are mom entrepreneurs. You can share this episode with them and use it as your excuse to reconnect with a mom, entrepreneur.

 

Melissa:          A lot of us need connection. This conversation with Cine really originally started as a check back in get back in touch conversation on a Saturday morning for me. But I wanted to then really capture ING's wisdom for you, and it became a podcast reconnect with your mom, entrepreneur, friends. I think it is so important you can create connection opportunities for you all the time, and that is something that I wanted to just point out. Cine is an amazing person. She's ahead of me in terms of her motherhood journey and her business journey, and it is for that reason that I will say this conversation is going to help me very specifically as I plan out my upcoming week, I'm going to chunk down my projects even more aggressively. Hope you have the best day ever. Share this episode with your mom, entrepreneur, friends, and reach out to me on Instagram.

 

Melissa:          I want to hear from you. What about this conversation really landed. I'm at Melissa Laina, Emelia ssa, L-L-A-R-E-N-A. This information will be in the show notes. I appreciate you immensely. Have the best day. Reach out to me on Instagram. I want to hear from you. I want to be sure that I'm putting content out there that is going to apply to your life and is going to help you feel sensational and just more focused and clear on what needs to happen so that you can build the biggest business of your dreams, have the most impact, and still be a present mother.