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    24: Dating & Relationships w/ Michaela Okland

    enJuly 15, 2021

    Podcast Summary

    • Discovering New Friends and Great Products with Anchor and Function of BeautyThe speaker shares her positive experiences with Anchor for podcasting and Function of Beauty for personalized hair care, and encourages listeners to check out Mikaela Oakland's social media and save on Function of Beauty products.

      Anchor is a free all-in-one platform for creating, editing, and distributing podcasts. The speaker, who uses Anchor for her own podcast, praises its ease of use and wide reach, allowing listeners to find her podcast on popular platforms like Spotify and Apple Podcasts. She also shares an exciting moment of making a new friend, Mikaela Oakland, through social media, and encourages listeners to check out Mikaela's Twitter and Instagram account for humor and relationship stories. Additionally, the speaker shares her positive experience using Function of Beauty's customized hair care products, which are cruelty-free, vegan, sulfate-free, paraben-free, and sustainability-focused. Listeners are encouraged to take the Function of Beauty quiz to discover personalized formulas for their hair, skin, and body care needs and save 20% on their first order.

    • Comparing current partners to exes can cause tension and distressFocusing on the present and partner's unique qualities can help maintain a healthy relationship, while comparing them to past partners can lead to unnecessary stress and misunderstandings.

      Comparing a current partner to an ex can lead to unnecessary tension and distress in a relationship. The discussion reveals a situation where a man's repeated references to his ex-girlfriend, whom he called "Taylor," led his current girlfriend to feel disrespected and unwanted. The man's depression and family issues may have contributed to these actions, but the comparisons still caused harm. It's essential to remember that every relationship is unique, and focusing on the present and the qualities that make your partner special can help maintain a healthy relationship. Comparing them to past partners can create unnecessary stress and potentially lead to misunderstandings or hurt feelings.

    • Communicating openly in uncomfortable situationsAddress uncomfortable situations directly with respect and honesty to maintain healthy relationships.

      It's important to communicate openly and honestly in relationships, especially when it comes to feelings or behaviors that make us uncomfortable. The first listener shared an experience of accidentally calling her ex-boyfriend's name during an argument, which she acknowledged was a reflexive pattern. While she has not had this happen during sex, she noted that she doesn't say names often during that time. The second listener shared her suspicion that her boyfriend's brother has a crush on her, and she feels uncomfortable with his persistent attempts to talk to her and even touch her. In both cases, the individuals were unsure of how to handle the situation and were hesitant to upset the people involved. It's crucial to address these issues directly with the people involved and to prioritize open and respectful communication to maintain healthy relationships.

    • Setting clear boundaries in relationshipsCommunicate openly, set firm boundaries, and stand up for yourself in relationships to avoid uncomfortable situations and unwanted intimacy or advances.

      Setting clear boundaries is essential in any relationship, especially when it comes to unwanted intimacy or advances. The discussion highlights various uncomfortable situations where individuals felt pressured or violated, and the importance of addressing such issues promptly and assertively. It's crucial to communicate openly and honestly about one's feelings and expectations, without feeling the need to sugarcoat or justify rejections. The pressure to please others or avoid confrontation can lead to uncomfortable situations, and it's important to remember that saying "no" politely but firmly is a valid response. It's also essential to be aware of manipulative tactics used by some individuals to make it difficult for others to say no, and to remain confident and assertive in such situations. Overall, the conversation emphasizes the importance of open communication, setting clear boundaries, and standing up for oneself in relationships.

    • Respecting privacy and setting boundariesCommunicate openly about boundaries and respect each other's privacy to build stronger, more trusting relationships.

      Communication and setting boundaries are crucial in maintaining privacy and trust in relationships. In the discussed situation, a woman felt betrayed and embarrassed when her boyfriend showed his mother and coworkers a sex painting they had made for their private enjoyment. The woman believed her boyfriend had breached their privacy by not consulting her first, and she felt uncomfortable with the idea of others seeing their intimate artwork. The conversation revealed that while some people may be more open about discussing sex and sexuality with their families, others draw a line and prefer to keep such matters private. To avoid similar situations in the future, it's essential to communicate openly about boundaries and respect each other's privacy. In this case, the boyfriend could have asked for his girlfriend's permission before sharing the painting, and the woman could have communicated her discomfort with the situation to her boyfriend and his mother. By establishing clear boundaries and respecting each other's feelings, couples can build stronger, more trusting relationships.

    • Unique experiences and surprising discoveriesPeople have distinct preferences and experiences, leading to unexpected findings and behaviors. Respect individual differences.

      People have unique preferences and experiences, which can sometimes lead to surprising discoveries or behaviors. For instance, the speaker was intrigued by the existence of influencer twin sisters who sell ass cheek paintings, which she found out about through an unusual circumstance. This experience made her reflect on her own boundaries and how they differ from those of her ex-boyfriend. Additionally, the topic of eating ants was brought up, revealing that people's willingness to try new things can vary greatly. The speaker shared that she has not tried eating insects before due to her personal preferences and fears. In contrast, her boyfriend developed a fascination with ants after watching a survival show and started eating them. These examples illustrate the diversity of human experiences and the importance of respecting individual differences.

    • Cultural differences and personal habits causing misunderstandingsRespect each other's boundaries and communicate openly to avoid misunderstandings and disagreements in relationships due to cultural differences and personal habits.

      Cultural differences and personal habits can lead to misunderstandings and disagreements in relationships. In the discussed situation, the man's practice of eating ants, which is common in some cultures, was found to be disgusting and taboo by his partner. Despite her requests for him to stop, he continued to eat ants, seeing it as a unique and enjoyable experience. This behavior caused tension and discomfort in their relationship, highlighting the importance of open communication and respect for each other's boundaries. While some may view the man's actions as harmless, others may find it unsanitary or even disturbing. It is essential to acknowledge and respect each other's perspectives and find a compromise that works for both parties. In the end, it is crucial to remember that everyone has unique experiences and preferences, and it is important to approach differences with understanding and empathy.

    • Finding a balance in relationshipsEffective communication and compromise are essential in maintaining harmony in relationships, even when unusual circumstances arise.

      Compromise and understanding are key in relationships, even when unusual circumstances arise. The wife in this situation found herself in a predicament when her husband's method acting for a play took an extreme turn, causing inconvenience in their shared living space. While she acknowledged his dedication to his craft, she also had valid concerns regarding her ability to work effectively at home. The husband's method acting had him spending most of his time under the couch, which was the only suitable spot for the wife's work setup. After multiple attempts to find a solution, the wife made the decision to throw out the couch and replace it with a desk. While her husband was initially upset, he eventually adapted and continued his method acting in new ways, even improving his performance. The incident highlights the importance of communication and finding a balance between personal needs and shared spaces in a relationship.

    • Balancing Work and Personal Life: A Couple's DilemmaEffective communication, empathy, and mutual respect are essential for maintaining a healthy relationship. Recognizing each other's needs and finding compromises are crucial in balancing work and personal life, especially during the pandemic.

      Effective communication and consideration are crucial in maintaining a healthy relationship. The discussion revolves around a man's method acting as a bug during work hours, which significantly impacts his wife's ability to focus and work from home. Although the man believes his behavior is harmless and part of his acting, the lack of consideration for his wife's needs and career causes tension. The situation highlights the importance of recognizing each other's needs and finding a compromise that benefits both parties. Additionally, the conversation reveals the challenges of balancing work and personal life, especially during the pandemic, and the importance of finding solutions to minimize distractions. Overall, the conversation underscores the significance of open communication, empathy, and mutual respect in maintaining a successful relationship.

    • Acting Transformations and Personal StrugglesActing roles can cause mental and physical strain, support from loved ones is crucial, and prioritizing in relationships can be challenging.

      Acting roles can require extreme physical and emotional transformations, which can have negative effects on actors' mental and physical health. The discussion also touched upon the importance of support from significant others during such demanding projects. Furthermore, the speakers expressed their excitement about attending a play called "Metamorphosis" and planned to meet the actor who played the creepy character. Lastly, a woman shared her dilemma about throwing away her dinner instead of letting her fiancé have it, sparking a debate about apologies and prioritizing in relationships.

    • Experience of disrespect in a relationshipDisrespect, lack of communication, and selfishness are harmful to a relationship. Stand up for yourself and prioritize respect and consideration.

      Disrespectful and abusive behavior in a relationship is unacceptable. In the discussion, a woman shared an experience where her fiancé disrespected her by spitting in her food and demanding to share her dinner without asking. This behavior was met with strong resistance from the woman, leading to a heated argument and a ruined dinner. The incident was seen as a major red flag and a sign of selfishness and entitlement on the part of the fiancé. The woman made it clear that she would not tolerate such behavior and refused to apologize. The incident highlighted the importance of respect, communication, and consideration in a relationship, and the need for both partners to prioritize each other's needs and feelings. The discussion also emphasized the importance of standing up for oneself and not tolerating abusive behavior, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant it may seem. Overall, the takeaway is that respect and consideration are essential components of a healthy and happy relationship.

    • Partner spitting in food is a clear sign of toxic behaviorRecognize and address toxic behavior like spitting in food early on in relationships, as it's a sign of disrespect and potentially dangerous dynamics.

      The actions of a partner spitting in your food is a clear sign of abusive and toxic behavior, which should not be tolerated or excused. This behavior is not a red flag, but a direct violation of respect and dignity in a relationship. The underlying motivations of dominance and control are unhealthy and indicative of potentially dangerous dynamics. It's important to recognize and address such behavior early on, rather than ignoring it or making excuses. Additionally, the cost of awards on Reddit is a separate topic, but the discussion around the abusive behavior should not be trivialized or dismissed.

    • The Importance of Empathy and Attention in RelationshipsBeing empathetic, attentive, and considerate towards a partner's emotional needs and possessions can prevent significant distress and damage in relationships.

      Insensitivity and lack of attention to a partner's emotional needs and important possessions can lead to significant distress and damage in a relationship. The story illustrates how the accidental disposal of a cherished item, a t-shirt belonging to a deceased friend, led to intense anger and frustration for the girlfriend. Despite the boyfriend's good intentions and initial lack of awareness, the incident highlighted a deeper issue where he failed to fully understand and appreciate the emotional significance of the item to his partner. The boyfriend's dismissive attitude towards her upset and upsetting discovery of the missing t-shirt further escalated the situation, potentially contributing to the girlfriend's decision to leave the relationship. This incident underscores the importance of being empathetic, attentive, and considerate towards a partner's emotional needs and possessions, especially those that hold deep personal meaning.

    • Miscommunication and insensitivity in relationshipsBe attentive to your partner's emotions and belongings, as misunderstandings and mistakes can be resolved through open dialogue and a genuine effort to understand and make amends.

      Effective communication and consideration for others' feelings are crucial in maintaining healthy relationships. The text discusses a situation where a man, in an attempt to clean out their shared space, accidentally disposed of some of his girlfriend's belongings without consulting her. Despite his apologies and efforts to make things right, the situation escalated due to miscommunication and the involvement of her family and friends. The man's insensitivity towards the importance of the items to his girlfriend and his inability to acknowledge the impact of his actions led to a breakdown in trust and ultimately, the end of their relationship. This incident highlights the importance of being attentive to our partners' emotions and valuing their possessions as extensions of themselves. Misunderstandings and mistakes can be addressed through open dialogue and a genuine effort to understand and make amends.

    • Boyfriend's insecurity leads him to control girlfriend's relationship with deceased best friendEveryone deserves a relationship where their past is respected, not used for control or manipulation

      Jealousy and insecurity can lead individuals to control and manipulate their partners' relationships with their past, even if those relationships are no longer active. The discussion revolves around a boyfriend who was threatened by his girlfriend's deceased best friend and tried to get rid of reminders of her. This behavior was perceived as insecure, controlling, and toxic by the commentators. The girlfriend had shared a significant bond with her friend, and the time they spent together covered many important life moments. The boyfriend's reaction was disproportionate, and his attempts to minimize the importance of the friendship were seen as an attempt to make the girlfriend feel less connected to her past. The takeaway is that everyone deserves to be in relationships where their past is respected and not used as a source of control or manipulation.

    • Miscommunication and misunderstandings in relationshipsEffective communication involves active listening, empathy, respect, setting realistic expectations, and being open to compromise to build and maintain healthy relationships.

      Communication and understanding are key in any relationship. The discussion showcases various examples of miscommunication and misunderstandings leading to conflict and hurt feelings. In one instance, a man's blunt refusal to reschedule a date left a woman feeling disrespected. In another, a man's unsolicited disclosure of his medical condition came across as insensitive and inappropriate. Effective communication involves active listening, empathy, and respect for the other person's feelings and boundaries. Additionally, the importance of setting realistic expectations and being open to compromise was emphasized. Overall, the conversation underscores the importance of clear, considerate communication in building and maintaining healthy relationships.

    • Recognizing toxic behaviors in relationshipsBeing in a relationship with disrespect, poor communication, and incompatibility can lead to personal growth hindrances and heartache. It's crucial to identify toxic behaviors and make the tough decision to leave when necessary.

      Relationships should be based on mutual respect, communication, and compatibility. The discussion highlighted various instances of toxic behaviors, such as narcissism, possessiveness, and lack of consideration for partners' feelings and needs. These behaviors can lead to unnecessary heartache and hinder personal growth. It's essential to recognize the signs of unhealthy relationships and make the decision to move on when necessary. As Elton John famously sang, "A tiger doesn't change its stripes." Remember, it's better to be alone than to settle for someone who doesn't appreciate or value you.

    • Effective communication builds trust and fosters meaningful connectionsBe clear, concise, authentic, open-minded, and actively listen to build trust and foster meaningful connections

      Effective communication is crucial for building trust and believability in any interaction, whether it's in person or through technology. The tone and language used can significantly impact how messages are received. It's essential to be clear, concise, and authentic to create a meaningful connection with your audience. Moreover, being open-minded and willing to listen actively can help foster a productive conversation. By acknowledging and validating others' perspectives, we can learn and grow from each other. In conclusion, clear communication, active listening, and open-mindedness are essential skills for building trust and fostering meaningful connections in any context. Remember, the way we communicate can make all the difference in how our messages are received and understood.

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    98 - CHEATING - Cheating Explained Pt. 2: Unmet Needs, Social Media & Friends - ft. Dr Tari Mack

    98 - CHEATING - Cheating Explained Pt. 2: Unmet Needs, Social Media & Friends -  ft. Dr Tari Mack
    Do unmet needs, social media interactions & cheating friends increase the likelihood of infidelity? In today’s episode - Louise is joined by Dr. Tari Mack in a Pt. 2 of the ‘why do people cheat’ episode to discuss the underlying factors that contribute to cheating and how you can protect yourself from being a victim. Louise & Dr Tari discuss Pt. 2 & 3 of the Cheating Formula, issues from within the relationship & issues surrounding the relationship. They get into: 💫How unmet needs can lead to infidelity - but that this is never an excuse💫How friends and circles around you can influence infidelity?💫Why setting boundaries in online interactions is important to prevent opportunities for infidelity💫The concepts of silence, a moral compass and lack of self control💫How to identify a cheat + what can individuals do to reduce the likelihood of getting cheated on Don’t forget to take down notes while you listen to this free online therapy with Dr. Tari Mack 🌟––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––ADDITIONAL RESOURCES: ⭐ Therapy E-Guide ‘They Cheated On Me, Should I Stay Or Should I Go: The 10 crucial questions to ask after infidelity’ ft. Dr Tari Mack, clinical psychologist ⭐ ⭐ Therapy E-Guide ‘Are They Cheating or Am I Paranoid? How to Unveil the Truth and How To Move Forward’ ft. Dr Tari Mack, clinical psychologist  ⭐ ⭐ Want more Home Truths, Voice Notes from Lu and bonus content? Join OPENHOUSE PREMIUM for weekly bonus episodes, a full back catalogue of episodes, access to our Community Area 'The House,' and our exclusive 'Ask A Therapist' room with guaranteed therapist responses. Plus, enjoy all episodes ad-free! ⭐  Recommended listening: Episode 97 - CHEATING - Why Do People Cheat: Repeated Cheating, Self-Esteem, Validation and Ego - Pt.1 ft. Dr. Tari Mack –––––––––––––––––––––––––––––– Join OPENHOUSE PREMIUM now at: https://openhouse.supercast.com/ Connect with Louise on Instagram: @iamlouiserumballConnect with Louise on TikTok: @thetherapygirl__Connect with OPEN HOUSE: @theopenhousepodcastConnect with Dr. Tari Mack on Instagram: @drtarimack––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––Music Sources⠀ Vibe With Me by Joakim Karud http://soundcloud.com/joakimkarud⠀ Music promoted by Audio Library https://youtu.be/-7YDBIGCXsY Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

    E482 Ask Nick - Addicted to Toxic Work Situationship

    E482 Ask Nick - Addicted to Toxic Work Situationship

    Welcome back to another juicy and exciting episode of The Viall Files: Ask Nick Edition! On this show, we’re here to help with all your burning questions about dating and relationships! We bring on our first caller, who has been in a long distance relationship for a long time with her boyfriend. After it looks like they are able to move much closer and no longer have to do long distance, our caller wonders how to best transition into this new phase, being able to enjoy each other but also respect the space they might need. Our next caller finds herself stuck in a toxic work environment when a situationship starts to go astray. Having an intense  emotional relationship with someone you work with everyday, our caller feels stress when not being able to set proper boundaries both at work and in the situationship with her coworker. Our last caller struggles when her husband's friend continues to try to insert himself and befriend our caller’s family. After her mother says she’s getting DMs from this friend, our caller is unsure how to read his intentions and how to set boundaries while also potentially being supportive if need be. 

    “My therapist called him a drug” 

    Please make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode and as always send in your relationship questions to asknick@kastmedia.com to be a part of our Monday episodes. 

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    E308 Ask Nick - Finding The Baby Daddy

    E308 Ask Nick - Finding The Baby Daddy

    On today's episode of Ask Nick we begin with a woman who never got a DNA test on her daughter to find out which of the two men she slept with was her father. Years later she is realizing that it's not who she thought it was and doesn’t know if she should to tell him. Our next caller knows he is addicted to porn and has found his dream girl but knows his addiction is getting in the way of their relationship and he is ready to do what it takes to not lose her. Third, we speak with a gentleman who is starting to notice some co-dependency issues in his relationship. Finally, we speak with someone who was in a situationship but she considered it to be a relationship. When she tried to leave the relationship he would go back and forth on his feelings to keep her in his life. 

    “It’s like Titanic every Sunday night, like I will never let go…”

    Please make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode and as always send in your relationship questions to asknick@kastmedia.com to be a part of our Monday episodes. 

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    E469 Ask Nick - He Divorced Me For The Nanny

    E469 Ask Nick - He Divorced Me For The Nanny

    Today we’re back with another exciting episode of Viall Files: Ask Nick Edition! We’re here again  to answer your questions about navigating relationships and situationships. Our first caller shares that she is having a hard time setting boundaries with her ex-husband since their marriage ended mostly due to him having an affair with their nanny, yet never admitting to it while they were married. She wonders how to move past this and be grateful for her new lease on life while also managing having to co-parent with her ex. Our next caller is concerned for her best friend as our caller finds her new boyfriend to be disrespectful of boundaries and constantly pressuring them both. She loves her friend and asks how to best support her while also telling her about her concerns while not pushing her away due to her distrust and dislike of this guy. Our last caller is very comfortable in her home town with family and a great job she's worked hard at. Yet, she wonders if she is just letting her life and opportunities for love pass her by in staying there versus moving away and trying to expand her horizons. 

    “It can be addicting to feel bad.”

    Please make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode and as always send in your relationship questions to asknick@kastmedia.com to be a part of our Monday episodes. 

    Pre-Order Nick’s Book: https://www.abramsbooks.com/product/dont-text-your-ex-happy-birthday_9781419755491/

    Support a Local Bookstore: https://bookshop.org/books/don-t-text-your-ex-happy-birthday-and-other-advice-on-love-sex-and-dating-9798212185622/9781419755491

    Check out our new "Introvert" merch at http://www.viallfiles.com today!

    If you would like to get some advice on Office Hours send an email to asknick@kastmedia.com with “Office Hours” in the subject line! 

    THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS:

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