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    48. DR. BRENÉ BROWN: How to Know Ourselves & Be Known by Our People

    enNovember 30, 2021

    Podcast Summary

    • Effective solutions to common problemsPampers offers superior absorption and leak protection for delicate baby skin, while 3rd love revolutionizes bra comfort and fit with half cup sizes and virtual fitting room.

      Both Pampers and 3rd love offer solutions to common problems in their respective fields. Pampers addresses the concern of delicate baby skin with their Swaddlers diapers, which offer superior absorption and leak protection. Meanwhile, 3rd love tackles the issue of bra comfort and fit with their half cup sizes and virtual fitting room. Both brands have earned the trust of experts and consumers alike. Pampers is the number one pediatrician-recommended diaper brand, while 3rd love revolutionized the bra industry with their innovative solutions. Furthermore, both brands offer rewards programs to make the purchasing experience more enjoyable. Pampers Club app allows users to earn Pampers Cash for exclusive savings and rewards, while 3rd love offers a $15 discount with code "podcast15." Lastly, both Pampers and 3rd love have notable figures associated with them. Pampers is linked to Dr. Brene Brown, a research professor and bestselling author, while 3rd love has gained recognition for its inclusive sizing and virtual fitting room technology. In essence, these brands provide effective solutions to common problems, have gained the trust of experts and consumers, and offer rewards programs and notable associations.

    • Effective communication of internal emotional selvesUnderstanding self and others requires emotional intelligence, self-awareness, and effective communication. Harnessing the ability to read emotions while maintaining balance is crucial for healing and connection.

      Effective communication of our internal emotional selves is crucial for healing, connection, and being truly loved by others. According to Dr. Brené Brown, we are emotional beings, and the ability to put words to our feelings is essential for being seen and understood. This book, as Glennon Doyle acknowledged, is a challenging journey towards understanding ourselves and connecting with others. It highlights the importance of managing our emotional reactivity while using our ability to read people's emotions as a strength rather than a weakness. Glennon's personal experiences of growing up in a volatile environment gave her a unique ability to read emotions, but it also led to a constant state of heightened alertness. The key is to learn how to harness this skill while maintaining emotional balance. In essence, the book emphasizes the importance of self-awareness, effective communication, and emotional intelligence in healing and connecting with others.

    • Growing up with unpredictability can lead to constant hypervigilanceIdentifying safe spaces and focusing on what we can control can help reduce the need for constant coping.

      Hypervigilance, a heightened state of awareness, can take a toll on one's mental and emotional wellbeing. Growing up with unpredictability can lead to constant hypervigilance, making it difficult to determine the cause of potential upheaval. The speaker shares her experience of limiting contact with people who demand this heightened state of awareness, even in relationships with loved ones. She also recalls a conversation with her therapist where she felt like a "turtle without a shell in a briar patch," having given up unhealthy coping mechanisms only to be left feeling vulnerable. The therapist suggested getting out of the "briar patch," which led the speaker to consider creating a life with fewer sources of overwhelm. Jon Kabat-Zinn's definition of overwhelm as the feeling that life is unfolding at an unmanageable rate for one's nervous system resonated with her. The speaker emphasizes the importance of identifying safe spaces where one can be their best, calm self, and acknowledges that there are external factors beyond our control. By focusing on what we can control, we can create a life that requires less coping.

    • The power of language and our perception of being overwhelmedRecognizing and addressing our perceived overwhelm is important for managing emotions and coping abilities, and the language we use to describe our experiences can influence how we respond to them.

      Our perception of being overwhelmed can significantly impact our emotions and coping abilities, even if our actual situation may not be as overwhelming as we believe. This idea was emphasized during a conversation about the term "being blown," which refers to feeling overwhelmed in a work environment. The speaker shared how language shapes our emotions, and the way we label our experiences can influence how we respond to them. The term "being blown" was used at a restaurant where the speaker worked, and it meant needing to take a break and step away from the kitchen for a few minutes to regain composure. This concept resonated with the speaker, who had recently given a talk about the boy who cried wolf and how our perception of situations can change depending on the language we use. The power of language and the importance of recognizing and addressing our perceived overwhelm were key themes in the conversation.

    • Labeling overwhelm as excitementRecognizing and labeling feelings of overwhelm as excitement can help us stay focused and motivated, rather than shutting down and potentially causing harm. Taking a break when needed can also improve overall well-being.

      When feeling overwhelmed, instead of using negative language and shutting down, it's essential to recognize and label the experience as excitement or "skyded." This shift in perspective can help us stay focused and motivated, rather than shutting down and potentially causing harm. The power of language is significant. Neurobiologically, anxiety and excitement present the same way, but our perception and labeling of the experience can greatly impact our response and outcome. Additionally, taking a break when feeling overwhelmed, even for just a few minutes, can help prevent burnout and improve overall well-being. The Papadot managers intuitively understood this and took over when Abby was overwhelmed, allowing her to recharge and return to work. This approach, rooted in the understanding of the importance of language and self-care, can lead to increased productivity and better overall well-being.

    • The Power of Language and BelongingLanguage shapes emotions and helps us communicate complex feelings. Belonging is influenced by peers and parents' reactions, and parents should be mindful of their words and actions. Learning new languages broadens horizons and deepens connections.

      Language shapes our experiences and helps us communicate complex emotions. The speaker shared an example of inventing the word "skyded" to help her child understand and express the feeling of being scared yet excited about participating in a new experience. This illustrates the power of language in giving us a handle on abstract emotions. The speaker also highlighted the importance of belonging and how it can be influenced by both peers and parents. Surprisingly, in her book "Braving the Wilderness," she found that many 8th graders' experiences of not belonging were not caused by their peers, but by their parents' reactions to their perceived failures to fit in. This underscores the need for parents to be mindful of their words and actions, as they can have a significant impact on their children's sense of belonging. Additionally, the speaker emphasized the importance of learning new languages, as it can broaden our horizons and deepen our connections with others. Overall, language, belonging, and communication are interconnected and play crucial roles in shaping our experiences and relationships.

    • Embrace your child's uniqueness and love them unconditionallyAcknowledge and love your child for who they are, approach setbacks with empathy, and foster an environment of unconditional love to help them develop resilience.

      As parents, it's crucial to make our children feel like they belong at home without putting undue pressure on them to conform. This means acknowledging and loving them for who they are, and not reliving our own unresolved issues through them. When our children face setbacks, it's important to approach the situation with empathy and understanding, rather than trying to shield them from every disappointment. We may not always know the full extent of their struggles, but expressing validation and acceptance can go a long way. The pressure to belong can stem from various sources, and it's essential to recognize that everyone's experiences are unique. By fostering an environment of unconditional love and acceptance, we can help our children navigate the challenges of growing up and develop resilience.

    • Embrace personal growth, not others' validationFocus on self-growth, acknowledge scarcity mindset, and prioritize personal needs for stronger relationships

      In order to maintain a strong center and healthy relationships, particularly with our children, we must accept and embrace the fact that our edges are not their edges. We cannot expect others to provide us with the information or validation we need to shine, and it's essential to focus on our own growth and development. Glennon Doyle's experiences highlight the importance of acknowledging and overcoming our scarcity mindset, allowing us to embrace opportunities and say no when necessary. By prioritizing our own needs and terms for shining, we can foster healthier, more authentic relationships.

    • Personal journey to defining and understanding enoughAsking ourselves what we want to be held accountable for can help make decisions with clarity and intention, focusing on joy and personal values.

      Defining and understanding what is enough is a personal journey, and accountability plays a crucial role in making decisions. The speaker shared her struggle with discernment and fear about what is enough, and how she's working on changing her mindset by asking herself what she wants to be held accountable for when considering opportunities. James Clear's quote, "we will never rise to the level of our goals, but we will fall to the level of our systems," highlights the importance of having systems in place to manage scarcity, shame, and control issues. The speaker also emphasized the power of language and how reframing opportunities as accountabilities can help make decisions with clarity and intention. Ultimately, the goal is to focus on what brings joy and aligns with personal values, rather than just trying to take on every opportunity that comes along.

    • Accountability and Commitment: Being Clear and IntentionalBe clear about what we're accountable for, align with personal values, use language to build connections, prioritize well-being of self and loved ones, and strengthen bonds through intentional communication.

      Accountability and commitment are important, but it's essential to be clear about what we're accountable for and what aligns with our values. In the conversation, Brene Brown discussed her reluctance to be held accountable for certain aspects of work, preferring instead to focus on being accountable for her personal commitments, like coaching her daughter. She also emphasized the importance of language in building connections and avoiding the "near enemy" of virtues like compassion, which in this case is pity. Furthermore, the discussion touched on the importance of providing our pets with healthy, fresh food, as we would for our families, and the availability of services like The Farmer's Dog to make that a reality. Lastly, Brown recommended her book "Atlas of the Heart" as a valuable resource for strengthening bonds and communication within families. Overall, the conversation emphasized the importance of being intentional about our commitments, valuing genuine connections, and prioritizing the well-being of ourselves and our loved ones.

    • Be in connection instead of fixingInstead of trying to fix someone's problems, be present and empathetic to strengthen relationships and navigate life's challenges effectively.

      The desire to control situations, even when it comes from a place of love, can actually hinder connection. According to Dr. Brené Brown, when we see someone we care about suffering, our role is not to fix their problems, but to be in connection with them. By trying to control hurt or discomfort, we may inadvertently sever the connection. Instead, we should aim to be present and empathetic, allowing ourselves and others to experience the full range of emotions. This not only strengthens relationships but also helps us navigate life's challenges more effectively. As Brown puts it, "the easy thing we can do is when we see someone struggling, especially someone we care about, my job is to be in connection with, not to fix." So, when life gets hard, remember to walk with it, not fix it. We can find solace in the knowledge that we're not alone and that we have the strength to face adversity together.

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