58. Gay Icons: Our Friend, Dorothy

The term "metrosexual" emerged in the mid-1990s, coined to describe a new wave of urban, fashion-forward men who embraced grooming, fashion, and a heightened sense of personal style, challenging traditional masculinity. However, critics argue the trend appropriates “the gay aesthetic,” reinforcing stereotypes and implying that an interest in fashion and grooming is inherently linked to one's sexual orientation.

In this episode, we’re exploring the origins of “metrosexuality,” and the complex intersection between fashion, grooming, and associated stereotypes, while examining how this trend has negatively influenced the perception and societal expectations surrounding gay men and masculinity.

Related Episodes:

• Listen to Bonus 06. Loveless in Paris
• Listen to Episode 81. Are Mustaches Gay?
• Listen to Episode 89. Beyond the Brawn: Redefining Queer Masculinity (with Erick DuPree)

Additional Resources:

• Metrosexual (Merriam-Webster)
• Metrosexual (Urban Dictionary)
• Metrosexuals (Encyclopedia.com)
• Mark Simpson (Wikipedia)
• Here Come the Mirror Men: Why the Future is Metrosexual
• ‘Metrosexuals’ Were Just Straight Men Who Loved Self-Care. Right?
• Meet the Metrosexual
• What Makes Someone a Metrosexual?
• 10 Benefits of Being in a Relationship With a Metrosexual Man
• Metrosexuals Come Out
• Metrosexuality: Effeminacy, Aesthetics and Toxic Masculinity
• What Does the LGBTQIA+ Community Think of the Term "Metrosexual"?
• Tommy Pengelly

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For years, society’s sense of body image has been negatively affected by standards that often perpetuate unrealistic ideals and contribute to the prevalence of negative body image perceptions. Some gay men grapple with an additional layer of body image issues, navigating societal expectations and stereotypes that can lead to feelings of inadequacy and self-consciousness about their physical appearance.

In this episode, Matthew Simko, a style & lifestyle expert, joins us to dish on the importance of positivity within gay culture, plus-sized fashion tips, and how we can all learn to love our bodies at any size.

Related Episodes:

• Listen to Episode 32. Gay Men and Body Image Obsession
• Listen to Episode 82. Gay Gym Culture

Additional Resources:

• Visit Matthew's Website
• Follow Matthew on Instagram

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On Sunday, June 24, 1973, a gay bar in New Orleans was intentionally set ablaze, killing 32 people and injuring another 15. Fifty years later, despite ample evidence, no arrests have ever been made.

In this episode, we’re taking a look at the tragic events of the UpStairs Lounge arson attack, the pervasive discrimination and homophobia evident in the aftermath, and renewed efforts to locate four of the unclaimed bodies of victims recklessly buried in an unmarked grave.

Related Episodes:

• Listen to Episode 17. Mobsters & Mos: How the Mafia Owned Gay Nightlife
• Listen to Episode 61. The Pulse Nightclub Shooting
• Listen to Episode 63. The Stonewall Riots

Additional Resources:

• The UpStairs Lounge Arson Attack, New Orleans: 50 Years Later
• Upstairs Lounge: Gay Culture & the Metropolitan Community Church
• 50 Years After Deadly Up Stairs Lounge Fire: New Orleans LGBTQ+ Community Still Seeks Answers
• Upstairs Lounge Fire
• Arson Attack on the UpStairs Lounge
• UpStairs Lounge Arson Attack
• Metropolitan Community Church of New Orleans
• The Upstairs Lounge Fire
• The Upstairs Lounge Fire - Luther Boggs
• Upstairs Lounge Fire, 1973: 32 Deaths
• Upstairs Lounge Arson, 1973: Aftermath
• This Day in History: UpStairs Lounge Arson Attack
• About the UpStairs Lounge Fire
• The Up Stairs Lounge Arson: Thirty-Two Deaths in a New Orleans Gay Bar, June 24, 1973 by Clayton Delery-Edwards
• Upstairs Lounge Fire, 1973: In Memoriam
• Upstairs Lounge Fire, 1973: News Coverage
• The UpStairs Lounge Fire 50th Anniversary
• A ‘Forgotten Tragedy’ At a New Orleans Gay Bar and a New Effort to Honor Victims’ Remains
• Unknown Victim of Deadly 1973 Arson in Gay Bar Finally Identified

Societal perceptions of masculinity are often rooted in traditional and restrictive norms, which can pressure gay men to conform to stereotypical ideals, leading to internalized homophobia, feelings of inadequacy, and a diminished sense of self-worth. Even within the queer community, ideals of masculinity and femininity can be at odds, creating a complex dynamic for gay men who are navigating their identity.

In this episode, Erick DuPree, a literary anthropologist specializing in the intersection of literature and culture, joins us to explore societal concepts of masculinity, how it impacts gay men's sense of self, the importance of mindfulness in navigating our identity, and their anthology, Men & The Goddess, which explores male relationships with the divine feminine.

Related Episodes:

• Listen to Episode 04. Pop Icons and Their Gay Emotional Appeal
• Listen to Episode 11. Overcoming Internalized Homophobia
• Listen to Episode 82. Gay Gym Culture

Additional Resources:

• Learn More About Erick DuPree
• Follow Erick DuPree on Instagram
• Read Men And The Goddess: An Anthology Revisited
• Read Awaken To Mindfulness: Cultivating Daily Practice & Wellbeing

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Daddy issues is a colloquial term often used to stigmatize psychological or emotional challenges that may arise in an individual's life due to a perceived absence, neglect, or strained relationship with their father. Some gay men may experience their fathers subtly distancing themselves as a form of rejection of their sexuality, which has the potential to negatively influence the way they learn to navigate and sustain lasting relationships between men.

In this episode, we’re discussing the nuances of daddy issues, exploring their definition and manifestations, the distinct effects on gay men, featuring insightful perspectives from The Velvet Rage by Dr. Alan Downes, and exploring pathways to healing and navigating the complex terrain of daddy issues in the LGBTQ+ community.

Related Episodes:

• Listen to Episode 13. Perfectly Imperfect: Conquer Your Perfectionism
• Listen to Episode 15. Understanding Attachment Styles
• Listen to Episode 47. Say Goodbye to Abandonment Issues
• Listen to Episode 70. Good Grief: How to Cope with Loss
• Listen to Episode 71. Queer Grief
• Listen to Episode 74. Unmask Your Trust Issues

Additional Resources:

• Daddy Issues Definition (Dictionary.com)
• ‘Daddy Issues’ and Their Impact on Adult Relationships
• What Are “Daddy Issues”?
• “Do I Have Daddy Issues?” Ask a Therapist
• Read The Velvet Rage by Dr. Alan Downs
• Why is it so Difficult for Some Gay Men to Find a Partner?
• What Are 'Daddy Issues'?
• Yes, ‘Daddy Issues’ Are a Real Thing — Here’s How to Deal
• Daddy Issues: The Age-Old Stigma Around Intergenerational Relationships

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Within the many letters of the LGBTQ+ spectrum, non-binary individuals embrace identities outside the traditional binary of male or female, challenging societal norms and fostering a more diverse understanding of gender. Often overlooked, non-binary visibility is crucial in dismantling stereotypes and building a more inclusive world where individuals of all gender identities can authentically express themselves while being recognized for their unique contributions.

In this episode, Travis McMaster, public speaker and host of Caffeinated N’ Queer, joins us to share their gender identity awakening, the importance of non-binary visibility, and resources for those who are exploring their gender.

Related Episodes:

• Listen to Episode 08. Finding Your Community
• Listen to Episode 59. Say Bye Bye Bye to Bi Erasure (with Sam McClain)

Additional Resources:

• Follow Travis McMaster on Instagram
• Follow Travis McMaster on Twitter
• Watch Caffeinated N’ Queer on Instagram
• Watch Caffeinated N’ Queer on TikTok
• Watch Caffeinated N’ Queer on Threads
• Watch Caffeinated N’ Queer on Facebook
• Learn More About Alder Health Services
• Follow Alder Health Services on Instagram
• Follow Alder Health Services on Facebook

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• Listen to Episode 10. Out in the Workplace
• Listen to Episode 85. Boundaries: How to Understand and Set Them

• Code-Switching Definition (Merriam-Webster)
• Code-Switching (Britannica)
• Sociolinguistics (Britannica)
• BetterUp
• What is Code Switching and How Does It Impact Teams?
• Code-Switching: What Does It Mean and Why Do People Do It?
• Code Switching: Exploring the Types & Impact
• Redditors Sound Off On ‘Gay Voice’ and Whether They Code-Switch
• The Exhausting Work of LGBTQ Code-Switching

Boundaries are essential guidelines, defining the limits of acceptable behavior and establishing a framework of respect and mutual understanding. But due to societal pressures, stereotypes, and the historical stigmatization of non-heteronormative relationships, some gay men may exhibit people-pleasing tendencies, which makes it challenging to implement boundaries and contributes to feelings of isolation and a reluctance to assert personal limits.

In this episode, we’re navigating the complex world of boundaries, addressing the unique challenges gay men may face in setting and maintaining them, and offering insights on identifying and establishing personal boundaries for more authentic and fulfilling interpersonal relationships.

Additional Resources:

• Why Personal Boundaries Are Important and How to Set Them
• A Quick Guide for Gay Men Who Want to Set Better Boundaries
• Got Boundaries? Here's the Top 4 Boundary Struggles Only LGBTQ+ Folks Will Understand
• How to Figure Out Your Boundaries

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Happy Holidays, my LGBTQuties! As the end of the year approached, it’s important to take a retrospective look to appreciate the challenges overcome, goals achieved, and lessons learned. In doing so, we can use the knowledge gained to build a stronger foundation for the year ahead.

In this episode, we're revisiting some of our featured guest episodes, exploring topics such as sobriety, conversion therapy, media representation, and more!

Additional Resources:

• 59. Say Bye Bye Bye to Bi Erasure (with Sam McClain)
• 62. Let Go of Your Religious Trauma (with Eric Feltes)
• 64. 40 Single Gay (with Jonathan Lee)
• 66. Shoot Your Shot on Archer (with Michael Kaye)
• 72. Recovering from Recovery (with Adam Fitzgerald)
• 75. Sunday Dinners, Moonshine and Men (with Tate Barkley)
• 76. Finally Free (with Seth Showalter)
• 80. Queer Haunts: Happy Halloween (with Ralph Anthony)

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As the end of the year approached, it’s important to take a retrospective look to appreciate the challenges overcome, goals achieved, and lessons learned. In doing so, we can use the knowledge gained to build a stronger foundation for the year ahead.

In this episode, we're revisiting some of our featured guest episodes, exploring topics such as allyship, relationships, finding our community, and more!

Additional Resources:

• 16. Being an Ally (with Cheyenne Filipczyk)
• 39. We Are Family: Part 1 (with Michelle Loveless)
• 40. We Are Family: Part 2 (with Amy Loveless)
• 43. Surviving a Breakup (with Sara Sabatino)
• 45. Feeling Lonely in a Relationship? (with Jordan Nofziger)
• 50. Self-Love Tough Love (with Tillie Lee)
• 52. Gayming: Level Up Your Sense of Community (with Jonathan Steele)
• 54. Love in the Third Degree (with Eric Praniewicz)

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