Podcast Summary
Focusing on inner self for true self-care: Identify true needs, draw a direct line between needs and solutions, prioritize gentle care for babies with superior diapers and wipes
Self-care goes beyond just taking care of our external needs and appearances. It's essential to focus on our inner selves and identify our true needs to provide proper care. The self-care industry may offer numerous commodified solutions, but it's crucial to draw a direct line between the needs and the proposed solutions. For instance, when it comes to taking care of a baby, prioritizing gentle protective care is vital. Pampers, the number one pediatrician-recommended brand, offers diapers and wipes that provide superior absorption and leak protection, ensuring your baby's delicate skin stays healthy and dry. By focusing on both the inner and outer aspects of self-care, we can ensure we're meeting our genuine needs and living our best lives.
From Escaping to Embracing Self-Care: Learning to ask for help and face challenges can lead to a fulfilling life, contrasting with using self-care as an escape.
True self-care involves dealing with the hard things in life and building a life that you don't feel the need to escape from. This contrasts with using self-care as an escape, like a candle or addictive substances. The speaker shares that they went from being a 0 in self-care during the first half of their life, escaping through addiction, to a 10 in the second half, after hitting rock bottom and learning how to be human through recovery. They emphasize that allowing yourself to break and ask for help can lead to valuable lessons on how to live a good, solid life. The speaker's decision to leave a broken marriage and honor themselves was a turning point in their journey towards true self-care.
Challenging the notion of selflessness in parenting and womanhood: Prioritizing self-care as an act of peacemaking and authentic living, addressing root causes for a more fulfilling life.
The notion of selflessness being equated to good parenting or womanhood is a harmful legacy that can lead to abandoning one's own needs, dreams, and identity. This can ultimately hinder our ability to love ourselves and others authentically. Instead, it's essential to prioritize self-care as the best form of others care, allowing us to bring our truest selves to the table and grant permission for others to do the same. In essence, self-care is not selfish but rather an act of peacemaking, challenging the status quo and creating a more authentic and fulfilling life for ourselves and those around us. Furthermore, the discussion emphasized the importance of addressing the root causes of discomfort and lack of fit in our lives, just as 3rd Love has done in the bra industry by providing half cup sizes and virtual fitting rooms. By focusing on solving the underlying issues, we can live more freely and true to ourselves, ultimately creating a more peaceful and authentic existence for ourselves and those around us.
Looking for validation from others instead of trusting ourselves: Girls are conditioned to seek approval before addressing their own needs, which can lead to neglecting them and even dangerous consequences. We have the power to change this and prioritize self-awareness and self-validation.
Girls are conditioned at a young age to look outside themselves for validation and permission, rather than trusting their own needs and desires. This was illustrated in a story where the speaker observed girls in a room, all looking to each other for approval before addressing their own hunger. This behavior, rooted in societal expectations, can have dangerous consequences, such as neglecting one's own needs and even death. The speaker emphasizes that this conditioning can be changed, as it was instilled in us, and we have the power to deprogram ourselves and prioritize our own needs. This is an important reminder of the importance of self-awareness and self-validation.
Neglecting Needs Can Lead to Destructive Behaviors: Recognize the importance of self-care and prioritize meeting needs in a healthy way to avoid destructive behaviors and maintain overall well-being and happiness.
Neglecting our needs can lead to destructive behaviors and an unfulfilling life. Needs, whether it be for connection, worthiness, or leisure time, will be met one way or another. If not met in a healthy and proactive way, individuals may resort to unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as excessive scrolling or substance abuse. Women, in particular, are often trained to abandon their emotional needs, leading to a lack of emotional self-care. It's crucial to recognize the importance of self-care and to prioritize meeting our needs in a healthy and grown-up way. The consequences of neglecting our needs can be detrimental to our overall well-being and happiness.
Understanding uncomfortable emotions: Recognizing and understanding uncomfortable emotions leads to self-care and growth, rather than abandoning ourselves during vulnerable moments.
Suppressing uncomfortable emotions like anger, envy, and jealousy can lead to a loss of self-trust. By constantly abandoning ourselves during our most vulnerable moments, we learn to leave ourselves during hard times. Instead, recognizing and understanding the root causes of these emotions can lead to self-care and growth. It's important to remember that uncomfortable emotions are not a sign of insanity, but rather valuable data points that can guide us towards meeting our needs. By learning to stay with ourselves and trust ourselves, we become women who know we will be there for ourselves, no matter what.
Learning to Stop Abandoning Ourselves: Self-care involves identifying needs and using tools like reset buttons for emotional processing and difficult conversations, setting boundaries, and taking care of commitments.
Self-care is essential for personal growth, and it starts with learning to stop abandoning ourselves. Easy buttons, such as substance abuse, shopping, or overeating, can help us escape momentarily but ultimately leave us feeling worse. On the other hand, reset buttons, like drinking water, taking a walk, or setting boundaries, help us stay present and process our emotions. Self-care extends beyond the conventional practices and includes having difficult conversations, setting boundaries, and taking care of our commitments. The goal is to build a tool chest of self-care tools and identify our needs to create a life worth living without the need to escape.
Embrace Self-Care as Joan of Arc: True self-care means facing and addressing needs, setting boundaries, recognizing societal limitations, and prioritizing healthy food for overall wellbeing.
True self-care involves facing and addressing our needs, rather than avoiding them. This means setting boundaries and being the "Joan of Arc" of our own lives, even when it's difficult. Additionally, it's important to recognize that societal expectations, such as toxic masculinity and toxic femininity, can limit the range of emotions and experiences allowed for both men and women, leading to negative consequences. Instead, we should strive to allow each individual the full experience of being human, rather than confining them to narrow gender roles. Lastly, just as we prioritize the health and wellbeing of our pets, we should also prioritize real, fresh, and healthy food for ourselves, rather than settling for less. By taking care of ourselves in this way, we can set ourselves up for peace and better serve those around us.
Connecting with your soul for self-care: Prioritize short moments of self-connection to recharge and understand your needs, whether through writing, reading, dancing, or any other joyful activity.
Taking care of oneself, especially during challenging times like the pandemic or raising young children, is crucial for maintaining balance and well-being. Glennon Doyle, in her response to Sarah's question, emphasized the importance of remembering one's soul and committing to activities that connect us to it, no matter how small. These moments of self-connection can help us recharge and better understand our needs. For Sarah, who feels overwhelmed with her young children, Glennon suggested finding short moments in her day to reconnect with her soul, whether through writing, reading, dancing, or any other activity that brings her joy and authenticity. Similarly, Nick's question about burnout highlights the need for educators, and all professionals, to prioritize self-care to avoid exhaustion. By remembering our souls and tending to our needs, we can not only survive but thrive in our various roles.
Seeking validation and connection when self-care isn't enough: When unable to stop burnout sources, validate needs through connection and clarify values for a better solution
When we find ourselves in situations where we're unable to stop the sources of burnout in our lives, it's important to acknowledge the situation and seek validation and connection with others. Instead of constantly searching for alternative self-care solutions, we can come together and collectively express that "not this" is not working. This not only validates our individual needs but also helps clarify our core values and drive towards a better solution. As the speaker mentioned, it's similar to the Naomi Osaka model – recognizing that it's not our sole responsibility to make things work but rather our right to say "not this." This approach can lead to increased connection, less aloneness, and a more visible recognition of our needs.
The Power of Quitting and Self-Care: Embrace quitting as a spiritual practice, learn new languages, reconnect with your soul, and practice self-care to live a balanced and fulfilling life.
Quitting, or taking breaks, is an essential part of creating and living life to the fullest. The speaker emphasizes the importance of recognizing the need to quit and embrace it as a spiritual practice. She shares her personal experience of caring the most during the day and the least during the night, and how this approach helps her survive and thrive. Additionally, she encourages learning new languages as a way to broaden horizons and make the most of international experiences. Another suggestion is to find ways to recognize and reconnect with the soul outside of roles and responsibilities, and to create an "easy button list" of self-care practices. Overall, the message is to embrace the power of quitting and self-care in order to live a more balanced and fulfilling life.
The Power of Resilience and Self-Belief: Trust yourself, keep going, and remember you're in control of your life. Overcome challenges with resilience and self-belief, finding your way back home to yourself through joy and pain.
Key takeaway from this week's episode of "We Can Do Hard Things," featuring Tish Melton and Brandi Carlile, is the power of resilience and self-belief. The speakers share their personal experiences of overcoming challenges and hardships, emphasizing that no matter how difficult things may seem, we have the strength to get through them. Melton and Carlile encourage listeners to trust themselves, keep going even when they feel like giving up, and remember that they are the ones in control of their lives. They also remind us that everyone experiences joy and pain, and it's essential to find our way back home to ourselves through it all. The podcast, produced in partnership with Cadence 13 Studios, encourages listeners to rate, review, and follow the show to continue the conversation and support the content.
