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    83. “I grew up on food stamps. At 24, I’m about to get paid $215,000 per year”

    enFebruary 21, 2023

    Podcast Summary

    • Struggling with Money Management and AdvocacyMany struggle with money management and advocacy, resources like Ramit Sethi's book can help.

      Many people, despite having access to resources like Ramit Sethi's book "I Will Teach You To Be Rich," still struggle with money management and advocating for themselves financially. Ramit shared his experience of bringing real couples on stage for mini podcasts and announced upcoming events in Philadelphia and Boston. He also emphasized the importance of his book in answering common money-related questions. Megan, a listener, shared her pattern of avoiding money and feeling like she doesn't truly own it. Niles, her partner, had saved Megan's money in the past due to her past financial irresponsibility and lack of trust in her judgment. This dynamic is causing issues as Megan is about to earn a higher income than Niles. Ramit encouraged listeners to listen to the full podcast and watch it on YouTube for body language and facial expressions. The takeaway is that many people, like Megan, struggle with money management and advocating for themselves financially, and resources like Ramit's book can help.

    • Open communication and trust are vital for managing finances in a relationshipLack of open communication and trust in managing finances can lead to power imbalances, feelings of guilt and resentment, and a deep-rooted belief of not being in control of one's own money, ultimately affecting the relationship and self-worth.

      Trust and communication are essential in a relationship, especially when it comes to managing finances. In the discussed situation, Niles and Megan's lack of open communication about money led to a power imbalance and feelings of guilt and resentment. Megan, who grew up in a financially struggling household, felt the need to hide her financial struggles from Niles and give him control of her money. Niles, on the other hand, felt that he was protecting Megan by holding onto her money. However, when the truth came out, Megan felt a sense of powerlessness and a deep-rooted belief that the money she earned was not truly hers. This dynamic not only affected their relationship but also made Megan question her self-worth and ability to manage her finances independently. To build a healthy financial partnership, it's crucial to have open and honest conversations about money, establish trust, and come to a mutual understanding of financial roles and responsibilities.

    • Misunderstandings and Power Dynamics in Money MattersClear communication and trust are essential in handling money matters in relationships. Misunderstandings and power imbalances can lead to unhealthy dynamics, so it's crucial to address any underlying issues and work towards a solution that benefits both parties.

      Trust is essential in a relationship, especially when it comes to money matters. Lack of trust can lead to misunderstandings, resentment, and a challenging dynamic. In the discussed situation, Megan felt untrusted when Niall asked her to pay him rent, which led to feelings of being taken advantage of and being in a powerless position. This situation evolved into a pattern that resembled a parent-child relationship, which is not ideal in a partnership. It's important to communicate openly about money matters and ensure that both parties feel respected and trusted. Money is not neutral and can represent power, so it's crucial to address any underlying issues and work towards a solution that benefits both individuals. Additionally, it's essential to remember that money is a tool and can influence and be influenced by society, so it's important to be aware of its potential biases.

    • Effective communication and understanding of financial priorities in relationshipsOpen and honest conversations about financial priorities and goals are essential in maintaining a healthy and balanced relationship. Utilize tools like the Viator app and 8 Sleep pod cover to improve overall financial situation and sleep quality.

      Effective communication and understanding of financial priorities are crucial in a relationship. In the discussion, a friend of Ramit's, Meghan, expressed her concern about feeling like her partner, Niles, doesn't consider her financial needs equally. This stems from past experiences where Niles has historically managed their money and spent it in ways that Meghan felt were not aligned with their shared goals. On a different note, Ramit introduced the Viator app and the 8 Sleep pod cover, which uses technology to personalize temperature settings for individual sleep preferences. This can be especially helpful for couples with differing temperature needs. Meghan's situation highlights the importance of having open and honest conversations about financial priorities and goals. It's essential to establish trust and respect each other's financial autonomy while working towards common objectives. In conclusion, effective communication, understanding, and respect for each other's financial priorities are crucial in maintaining a healthy and balanced relationship. By addressing any underlying issues and utilizing tools like the Viator app and 8 Sleep pod cover, couples can improve their overall financial situation and sleep quality.

    • Childhood experiences shape our relationship with moneyRecognize and address emotional baggage around money to improve financial situation, regardless of past experiences.

      Our past experiences with money can significantly impact how we view and manage it in the present. Megan shared her upbringing in poverty and how it has influenced her perception of herself as "bad with money." She feels guilty for not being able to support her partner financially and has taken on the role of a child in their financial relationship. However, she recognizes the power of reframing her mindset and learning new skills to improve her financial situation. It's essential to acknowledge and address the emotional baggage we carry regarding money, rather than letting it become a self-fulfilling prophecy. We all have the potential to learn and grow, regardless of our past experiences.

    • Maximizing productivity and saving time with email management toolsUsing advanced email management software and techniques can save over 10 hours a week and reduce stress

      Productivity and efficiency in managing daily tasks, such as emails, can significantly save time and reduce stress. The use of specialized software like Superhuman, which allows for advanced features like keyboard shortcuts and AI summarization, can help streamline email management and save over 10 hours a week. Additionally, investing in high-quality products, like Peak Tea, can bring a sense of luxury and care into daily routines. The speaker's personal story of moving out and paying for college at a young age demonstrates resilience and determination. However, they still hold feelings of shame related to their family background and financial struggles. Despite this, they have developed a cautious relationship with money, prioritizing affordability over luxury. Overall, the discussion highlights the importance of finding tools and methods to increase productivity, as well as the power of personal experiences in shaping our attitudes towards money.

    • The Dangers of Credit Card Debt for Young AdultsCredit card debt can lead to severe consequences, including collections and long-term financial impact, even for those without income or proper understanding of their spending.

      Credit card debt can easily spiral out of control, even for those who don't fully understand how they work or can't afford the purchases. Megan's story illustrates this, as she racked up thousands in debt at a young age, despite having no income. She was driven by a desire to fit in and feel worthy, leading her to make purchases she couldn't afford at stores like West Elm and Nordstrom. The consequences were severe, with collections and a long-term impact on her financial psyche. This experience, which was influenced by her mother's own financial struggles, highlights the importance of understanding the risks and responsibilities that come with credit cards, and the potential consequences of overspending.

    • From poverty to law school: Meghan's inspiring storyDespite hardships, Meghan earned a full ride to law school with a high GPA, demonstrating resilience and determination. People often keep past struggles private, but recognizing patterns can help us understand how they shape our lives.

      Success and hardships can coexist in people's lives, and sometimes, the most impressive achievements come from those who have overcome significant challenges. Meghan, for instance, grew up in poverty but managed to earn a full ride to law school with a 3.9 GPA. Her story is a testament to resilience and determination. However, she is not alone in keeping her past struggles private, as there is a sense of pride in not sharing intimate details. The conversation also highlighted the importance of recognizing patterns and understanding how they shape our lives, even as we move forward. Overall, the discussion underscores the complexities and nuances of people's experiences and the importance of compassion and understanding.

    • Childhood financial insecurity shapes adult relationships with moneyPast financial struggles can influence present money management and resilience, inspiring determination to create a stable financial future.

      Our past experiences with money, particularly those involving hardship or instability, can significantly impact our relationship with money in the present. This was evident in the discussion between the interviewee and the interviewer, as they shared stories of growing up with financial insecurity and the long-lasting effects it had on their families. The interviewee's experience of losing their father's job during the recession and the resulting financial instability led to estrangement from their family. Conversely, the interviewer was inspired by the interviewee's resilience and determination to improve their financial situation, despite their challenging upbringing. The conversation highlighted the importance of acknowledging and learning from our past, while also striving to create a new, more stable financial future. The interviewee's upcoming significant salary increase, while a cause for excitement and anxiety, presented an opportunity to put these lessons into practice.

    • Trust and communication in managing financesEffective communication and trust are crucial for managing finances in a relationship, focusing on a shared plan and perspective rather than feelings of obligation or constant fights over money.

      Trust and communication are essential in a relationship, especially when it comes to managing finances. The lack of trust and constant fights over money can lead to feelings of obligation and staying in a job one doesn't want. It's important to have a plan for money that both partners believe in and feel empowered by, rather than constantly feeling like one has to pay for everything. The numbers may not always be the issue; it's the perception and feelings towards money that matter most. For instance, having a large amount of debt or loans doesn't necessarily mean one can't afford to go to law school or make significant investments. It's all about perspective and understanding the potential return on investment. Ultimately, open communication and trust are key to creating a healthy financial partnership in a relationship.

    • Considering Value and ROI Alongside Cost in Personal FinanceEvaluate expenses and investments based on cost, value, and potential return on investment for informed financial decisions.

      While cost is an important consideration when making financial decisions, it's not the only lens to look through. Expanding our perspective to include value and return on investment (ROI) can lead to more nuanced and effective decisions. This concept, known as money lenses, allows us to evaluate various financial situations with a clearer understanding of potential outcomes. For instance, some expenses, like a luxury item or personal training, may not have a clear ROI, but they can still bring value to our lives. In contrast, other investments, such as education or business opportunities, can have a measurable ROI and should be evaluated accordingly. Additionally, learning from experts in various fields can help us make better decisions in our own lives. For example, MasterClass offers access to a wide range of instructors, from film directors to chefs, for a relatively low cost. Furthermore, investing in learning a new language can open up new opportunities and experiences, especially when traveling. Babbel offers an effective and affordable way to start learning a new language with quick, 10-minute lessons. Ultimately, it's essential to adopt a multifaceted approach to personal finance, considering not only cost but also value and ROI. By doing so, we can make more informed decisions and improve our overall financial situation.

    • Reevaluating Guilt-Free SpendingCouple should balance saving and spending for long-term financial happiness and well-being, not just focus on saving every penny.

      While the couple's financial situation is currently strong with low fixed costs, solid investments, and aggressive savings towards their wedding, their approach to guilt-free spending is lacking. They prioritize saving every penny, even if it means driving extra miles for a small discount or only buying one croissant a month. However, this mindset may not serve them well in the future when their financial situation changes and they have more disposable income. The expert suggests they reevaluate their approach to guilt-free spending and consider increasing it to a reasonable amount, as denying themselves small pleasures may lead to a lack of enjoyment and appreciation for their hard-earned money. Ultimately, finding a balance between saving and spending is crucial for long-term financial happiness and well-being.

    • Learning to Take Control of FinancesMegan needs to learn new skills and develop a healthier relationship with money to break her pattern of avoiding it and gain financial autonomy.

      Megan needs to learn to take control of her finances and advocate for herself instead of avoiding money and handing it over to others. The conversation revealed that Megan has a pattern of avoiding money and feeling uncomfortable dealing with it, leading to a lack of autonomy and potential resentment towards those she gives her money to. To break this pattern, Megan needs to learn new skills and develop a healthier relationship with money. This may involve setting up individual accounts for each person in a relationship, as well as finding positive role models to emulate. By recognizing her past experiences and creating a new model for herself, Megan can take control of her finances and build a more secure and fulfilling financial future.

    • Evaluate money matters, define personal rich lives, establish systemsCommunicate openly about finances, set clear goals, consider context, and plan effectively to maintain a healthy and prosperous relationship

      Assessing the financial situation in a relationship is crucial, and setting clear financial goals based on individual rich lives is essential. The order of action should be evaluating money matters, defining personal rich lives, and establishing systems to make it happen. It's also important to consider context when evaluating spending, as what might seem extravagant at one income level may be reasonable at another. Additionally, renting in high-cost areas can sometimes be more cost-effective than buying, as demonstrated by investing the difference instead. Overall, open communication and a well-planned financial strategy are vital in maintaining a healthy and prosperous relationship.

    • Personal approach to calculating costs and benefits of financial decisionsConsider both financial and lifestyle factors when making personal financial decisions, aim high in planning, and make informed assumptions to guide your choices.

      Personal financial decisions, such as whether to rent or buy a property, involve considering both financial and lifestyle factors. The speaker shared his personal approach to calculating potential costs and benefits, encouraging listeners to make informed decisions based on their unique circumstances. He also emphasized the importance of dreaming big and not underestimating potential earnings and investment opportunities. Despite the challenges of estimating future income, he encouraged listeners to aim high and make assumptions to guide their financial planning.

    • Communicating Financial Goals and ValuesEffective communication is crucial for financial harmony. Starting early, understanding compound interest, and managing risk are important retirement strategies. Openly expressing desires and learning to handle disagreements can strengthen a financial partnership.

      Effective communication and understanding of financial goals and values are crucial in a relationship. During a discussion about retirement savings, the importance of starting early, compound interest, and the role of risk management were emphasized. The couple, who were saving for a down payment on a house, considered the possibility of enjoying their wealth earlier and improving their quality of life in the present. However, one partner expressed hesitation in expressing her desires due to fear of judgment. It was suggested that open communication, articulating wants, and learning to handle disagreements are essential skills to maintain a harmonious financial partnership. While there are no guarantees in life, having a solid financial foundation and open dialogue can help couples navigate the complexities of their financial journey together.

    • Effective communication and intentional planning lead to financial successClear communication and deliberate planning help balance savings and spending for a more fulfilling budget.

      Effective communication and intentional planning are key to achieving financial goals and improving overall quality of life. In the conversation between Niles and Megan, they acknowledged that their achievements were not by chance, but the result of deliberate effort and planning. They discussed their savings plan, with a portion set aside for guilt-free spending to create meaningful experiences and memories. Initially, they felt uneasy about the idea of spending money, but with $30,000 in savings, they realized they didn't need to keep saving every penny. They decided to allocate more funds for enjoyable experiences, such as attending a tennis tournament. The conversation left them feeling much better, and they recognized the importance of balancing savings and spending for a more flexible and fulfilling budget. Niles even took the initiative to send Megan a portion of her own money back as a gesture to help her build trust with managing finances. This example illustrates the importance of clear communication, intentional planning, and taking small steps to build skills and confidence with money, even when the stakes are low.

    • Open communication and trust are key to financial success in a relationshipAvoiding money conversations can lead to financial instability in relationships. Rebalancing budgets and acknowledging past experiences can help build trust and create a successful financial plan.

      Effective communication and trust are essential when it comes to managing finances in a relationship. Megan and Niles shared their experiences of avoiding money conversations and learned the importance of rebalancing their budget together. They discovered that their financial habits were influenced by childhood experiences and learned to trust each other more with financial decisions. As a result, they reallocated their savings to include fun money and made a plan for their wedding and honeymoon expenses. It's crucial to acknowledge and address any avoidance tendencies and work together to build a financial plan that suits both partners. Megan and Niles' journey serves as a reminder that open communication and trust are key to financial success in a relationship. For more insights on personal finance, follow Ramit Sethi on YouTube, Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, and subscribe to his newsletter. Don't forget to check out Ramit's book, "I Will Teach You to be Rich," for practical tactics on building a successful financial system.

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