Logo

    Chris Voss: #1 Secret Formula FBI Negotiators Use To Always Get What They Want & 4 Ways to Apply These Tactics to Your Life

    enAugust 26, 2024
    What is the central theme of Radi Devluke's podcast?
    How does mindfulness influence daily living according to the text?
    What are the risks of negotiating with uncommitted clients?
    What strategies does Chris Voss teach for negotiation?
    How can entrepreneurs build stronger client relationships?

    Podcast Summary

    • Embracing vulnerability and personal growthListening to podcasts like A Really Good Cry, She Pivots, Afghan Star, and utilizing resources from Calm can lead to profound personal growth by embracing vulnerability, connecting with others, and practicing mindfulness.

      Embracing vulnerability and tuning in to our emotions can lead to profound personal growth and connection. Radi Devluke invites listeners to join him on his new podcast, A Really Good Cry, for raw and emotional conversations with friends, authors, and inspiring figures. Meanwhile, Emily Tisch Sussman's She Pivots podcast explores the transformative pivots women have made in their lives. In the thrilling podcast Afghan Star, John Ledger shares the story of bringing music back to Afghanistan despite the danger. Another important takeaway is the power of mindfulness in our daily lives. Calm offers a wealth of resources to help individuals build positive habits, shift self-talk, and reframe negative thoughts. Chris Voss, a former FBI negotiator, shares his expertise on effective negotiation strategies, demonstrating that it's possible to make a difference even in the most challenging situations. Overall, these podcasts offer valuable insights and inspiration, encouraging listeners to embrace change, connect with others, and cultivate mindfulness in their lives.

    • Emotion labeling in high-stress situationsRecognizing and labeling emotions in high-stress situations can help the other person self-level, feel empowered, and foster self-belief and confidence. Understanding different conflict handling styles can also improve negotiation effectiveness.

      Effective communication in high-stress situations involves recognizing and labeling emotions to help the other person self-level and feel empowered. By acknowledging their feelings, you can serve as a great sounding board, guiding them towards finding their own solutions. This approach fosters self-belief and confidence, creating a positive and collaborative environment. Additionally, understanding that people have different ways of handling conflict, such as the analyst, accommodator, and assertive types, can help us navigate negotiations more effectively. Remember, the goal is to collaborate and avoid the destructive and inefficient nature of conflict. Great negotiators, like Oprah Winfrey, excel at this by maintaining a positive and collaborative approach, even in challenging environments.

    • Effective negotiationEffective negotiation is about collaboration and understanding, not winning at all costs. Acknowledging and summarizing the other side's position can de-escalate conflicts and foster better understanding, leading to successful outcomes.

      Effective negotiation is not about winning at all costs, but rather about collaboration and understanding the other party's perspective. This approach can be applied in various situations, from high-stakes negotiations to personal relationships and even in the corporate world. By acknowledging and summarizing the other side's position, we can de-escalate conflicts and foster better understanding, leading to more successful outcomes. However, in our fast-paced world, we often lack the time and models for practicing these skills. Professional agitators, who thrive on instigating conflict and gaining traction through clicks and views, make it even more challenging for us to prioritize empathy and collaboration. To encourage people to slow down and embody these skills, it may require coaching and guidance, as well as setting examples of effective negotiation and collaboration in action.

    • People's appetite for positivityEffective communication, empathetic leadership, and focusing on progress can lead to better outcomes than negativity, even if it's not immediately recognized. Understanding others' perspectives and practicing gratitude can also help in difficult situations.

      People crave positivity and are tired of negativity. The hot tour girl phenomenon showcases this appetite for something refreshing and catches us off guard. Agitators in media may get short-term profits, but effective communication and empathetic leadership can lead to faster and better outcomes, even if it's not immediately recognized. It's crucial to focus on the progress made, rather than seeking external validation. Additionally, understanding and summarizing others' perspectives can lead to effective negotiations and resolutions. Gratitude and shifting negative thoughts can also help in difficult situations.

    • Negotiation InsightsSuccessful negotiation hinges on understanding and prioritizing the other person's perspective, fostering collaboration, and addressing emotional dynamics while aligning goals, especially when dealing with self-centered individuals.

      To prepare for a successful negotiation, focus first on understanding the other person's perspective rather than jumping into your own value proposition. Achieving a collaborative environment starts by listening and identifying their priorities. Responding thoughtfully, especially in tense situations, can diffuse negativity and open up productive dialogue, even with challenging personalities. Recognizing patterns in how others react and adjusting accordingly helps create a more positive outcome. For self-centered individuals, such as narcissists, finding a way to align your goals with theirs can lead to progress. Maintaining poise and addressing underlying pressures can help mend conflicts and foster better communication. Overall, effective negotiation relies on emotional intelligence and strategic understanding of the other party’s needs.

    • Negotiating with narcissistsSetting boundaries may not be effective with narcissistic individuals, enabling them only hinders growth, focus on empowering others and collaborating towards best outcomes

      Engaging in negotiations with narcissistic individuals can be a repetitive and draining experience. While setting boundaries may seem like a solution, if those boundaries are ignored, it may be necessary to terminate the relationship. The accommodative mindset, which is rooted in the belief that the world is largely supportive, can keep us in harmful relationships longer than we should be. To shift this pattern, it's essential to recognize that enabling others only hinders their growth and our own. Instead of trying to control outcomes, focus on empowering others to think for themselves and collaborate towards the best outcome. Remember, the illusion of control is inefficient and ultimately unsustainable. By understanding the costs of control and embracing guidance and empowerment, we can build healthier and more productive relationships.

    • Long-term mindset in negotiationShifting negotiation from short-term, self-centered perspective to long-term, team-oriented one leads to stronger relationships and greater impact

      Effective negotiation goes beyond just using tactics and tools; it requires authentic intention and a long-term collaborative mindset. Whether it's in a personal relationship or a professional setting, such as negotiating a salary or a business deal, focusing on the future and the mutual prosperity of all parties involved can lead to successful outcomes. By shifting the negotiation from a short-term, self-centered perspective to a long-term, team-oriented one, individuals can build stronger relationships and make a greater impact. As John Maxwell puts it, "A leader is one who knows the way, goes the way, and shows the way."

    • Integrity and PromisesMaintaining integrity and keeping promises is crucial for personal and professional growth, but in toxic work environments where these values are not prioritized, it may be necessary to seek new opportunities where contributions are valued and rewarded fairly.

      As a leader or an employee, it's essential to recognize the importance of keeping promises and maintaining integrity in the workplace. However, not all companies or leaders prioritize this value, and it can lead to dissatisfaction, stagnation, or even toxic work environments. In such situations, it may be necessary to consider leaving and finding a new opportunity where your contributions will be valued and rewarded fairly. Negotiations, whether in personal relationships or business deals, require empathy, assertiveness, and a clear understanding of the reality of the situation. When promises are broken, it's crucial to address the issue directly and respectfully, giving the other party a chance to make things right. Ultimately, it's essential to prioritize working for organizations that align with your values and respect your worth.

    • Time-wasting clients20% of business executives negotiate with uncommitted clients, wasting time and resources. Focus on potential clients who are committed to a long-term relationship to save time and increase profits.

      Engaging in negotiations with clients who are not serious about making a deal can be a significant waste of time and resources. According to the Challenger Sale, 20% of business executives admit to engaging in such negotiations. These clients may be seeking free consulting or trying to lowball prices. By recognizing these behaviors and focusing on potential clients who are committed to a long-term relationship, businesses can save time and increase profits. The early days of an entrepreneurship can be challenging, and it may be tempting to accept discounts or work with difficult clients. However, doing so can lead to lost time, decreased profits, and a negative impact on the business's reputation. Instead, entrepreneurs should focus on working with clients who are easy to work with, lucrative, and fun. By prioritizing these clients, businesses can build stronger relationships and increase their overall success.

    • Effective Communication and NegotiationAsking 'how' and 'what' questions in a non-accusatory manner during negotiation can help uncover issues and create solutions, while overpromising and underdelivering can lead to resentment and emotional stress.

      Effective communication and negotiation are crucial in various aspects of life, including work and relationships. Overpromising and underdelivering can lead to resentment and emotional stress. When negotiating, asking "how" and "what" questions can help uncover issues and create solutions. However, it's essential to ask these questions in a non-accusatory and non-complaining manner to maintain a productive conversation. Having a neutral friend to act as a sounding board can also be helpful in processing emotions and gaining clarity. Ultimately, being aware of communication dynamics and practicing effective negotiation skills can lead to better outcomes and improved relationships.

    • Perspective TakingUnderstanding others' perspectives is crucial for effective communication and building relationships. Acknowledging and respecting differing viewpoints can lead to positive outcomes.

      Recognizing and understanding others' perspectives, even if they differ from our own, is key to effective communication and building meaningful relationships. This was exemplified in a speaker's experience at a corporate event where he initially faced a cold reception due to the audience's expectations of a more motivational speaker. However, by acknowledging their perspective and assuring them that his message was practical and tangible, he was able to win them over and deliver an impactful presentation. Similarly, in personal relationships, it's essential to consider whether the desired behavior change aligns with the shared values before attempting to bring about change. If not, it may be time to reevaluate the relationship and focus on finding common ground and respecting each other's unique values.

    • Negotiation empathyIn negotiations, being open to others' perspectives and considering their insights can lead to better outcomes for both parties, rather than splitting the difference.

      In negotiations, never splitting the difference doesn't necessarily mean finding the perfect blend or being inflexible. Instead, it's about being open to the other party's perspective and considering their insights, which can lead to a better outcome for both parties. Chris Voss, a former FBI hostage negotiator, shared this insight from his book "Never Split the Difference." He also mentioned his documentary "Tactical Empathy" that explores the importance of empathy in effective communication and decision-making. In the lightning round, Chris shared his best advice, worst advice, current purpose, and why empathy is a strength, not a weakness. If he could create a law, he suggested being nice first. Overall, the conversation emphasized the importance of understanding and empathizing with others to build stronger relationships and achieve better outcomes.

    Recent Episodes from On Purpose with Jay Shetty

    8 Reasons Why Traveling Alone is the Ultimate Path to Self-Discovery & Why You Should Take a Solo Trip

    8 Reasons Why Traveling Alone is the Ultimate Path to Self-Discovery & Why You Should Take a Solo Trip

    Have you ever thought about taking a solo trip?

    What do you think you'd learn about yourself if you traveled alone?

    Today, Jay unpacks the unexpected benefits of solo travel. Whether you’re an avid traveler or someone hesitant to step out of your comfort zone, traveling alone, even just once, can be one of the most powerful experiences of your life. 

    Jay explains how solo travel helps break free from the “herd mentality”—when we defer to the preferences of those around us—and instead allows us to deeply understand our own desires and needs. You’ll learn how traveling alone can expand your worldview, teach self-reliance, and push you to explore not just new places but new aspects of yourself.

    In this episode, you'll learn:

    How to Expand Your Worldview 

    How to Boost Self-Reliance

    How to Connect with New People and Cultures

    How to Build Confidence Through Solo Travel

    Whether you're seeking new perspectives or personal growth, traveling alone can be a powerful tool to reconnect with your true self.

    With Love and Gratitude,

    Jay Shetty

    What We Discuss:

    00:00 Intro

    01:48 Do You Need to Go on a Solo Trip?

    04:50 #1: Learn More About Yourself

    11:10 #2: Improve Your Confidence

    13:43 #3: Expand Your Worldview 

    16:53 #4: Develop Self-Reliance

    19:49 #5: Master Your Mind

    21:54 #6: Beat Boredom and Distraction

    23:09 #7: Vigilance

    24:55 #8: Get to Know Diverse People

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    On Purpose with Jay Shetty
    enSeptember 13, 2024

    Nicole LePera: How to Break the Cycle of Trauma Bonds & Stop Toxic Relationship Habits

    Nicole LePera: How to Break the Cycle of Trauma Bonds & Stop Toxic Relationship Habits

    What are your emotional needs?

    How do you communicate them clearly?

    Today, Jay welcomes back Dr. Nicole LePera, a holistic psychologist, best-selling author, and founder of the SelfHealers Circle, a global community for self-healing. She is the author of the New York Times bestseller "How to Do the Work," and her latest book, "How to Be the Love You Seek," guides readers on breaking cycles, finding peace, and healing relationships. Dr. LePera is known for her approachable, transformative approach to mental wellness, empowering individuals to heal themselves and live authentically.

    Nicole talks about how our earliest experiences shape our adult relationships. She explains the concept of trauma bonds—dysfunctional patterns that often stem from childhood but persist into adulthood, affecting how we connect with others. These bonds can feel familiar and even comforting, but they often prevent us from forming healthy, fulfilling relationships.

    Jay and Nicole explore how awareness is the first step toward breaking these patterns. They emphasize the importance of understanding our subconscious beliefs and the roles we play in relationships, often unknowingly repeating cycles of pain and misunderstanding. She talks about the importance of staying present, learning to regulate our emotions, and building healthier habits that align with our true selves, and offers practical advice on how to navigate the complexities of love, whether it's setting boundaries with toxic family members or letting go of unrealistic expectations in romantic relationships.

    In this interview, you'll learn:

    How to recognize trauma bonds

    How to break the cycle of reactivity

    How to set healthy boundaries

    How to cultivate self-awareness

    How to develop emotional resilience

    How to foster a growth mindset in relationships

    Remember, every moment is an opportunity to choose differently, to show up for ourselves with kindness, and to build the relationships we truly deserve.

    With Love and Gratitude,

    Jay Shetty

    What We Discuss:

    • 00:00 Intro
    • 03:44 You Create Change
    • 06:58 Toxic Family Members
    • 11:21 Change is Voluntary
    • 14:33 Deep Rooted Emotions
    • 18:35 Why We Struggle in Relationships
    • 22:58 The Unmet Needs
    • 27:27 We Project What We Think to Others
    • 34:29 Familiarity with Chaos
    • 38:18 Is It Genuine Love?
    • 41:55 Panic Attack
    • 48:54 Chronic Illness
    • 53:54 Countering Beliefs
    • 57:17 Physiological Shifts
    • 01:01:11 What is a Trauma Bond?
    • 01:04:25 Attraction Based on Familiarity
    • 01:06:24 Inner Child Work
    • 01:09:41 The Habit of Showing Up Authentically

    Episode Resources:

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    On Purpose with Jay Shetty
    enSeptember 09, 2024

    12 Hard Lessons I Learned In The Last 12 Months - Birthday Special

    12 Hard Lessons I Learned In The Last 12 Months - Birthday Special

    What lessons have you learned from your past 12 months?

    How have your goals evolved over the past months?

    Today, Jay reflects on the 12 key lessons he has learned over the past year. He begins by discussing the idea that the seeds we plant—our actions and intentions—manifest as either flowers or weeds, the importance of pursuing meaningful actions for personal fulfillment rather than external validation, and how to distinguish between setting goals and choosing growth, underscoring that genuine progress requires a commitment to personal development rather than simply aiming for outcomes.

    The episode highlights the importance of protecting one's purpose from external distractions and maintaining a clear focus on one's path, the challenges we face as opportunities to grow into who we're meant to be, and the concept of defining experiences proactively to shape our own narratives rather than letting circumstances dictate our identities.

    In this episode, you'll learn:

    How to handle envy with love

    How to act for fulfillment, not praise

    How to focus on growth, not just goals

    How to guard your purpose from distractions

    How to use challenges to evolve

    How to stay open to unexpected help

    Stay open to the unexpected, protect your passions, and choose growth over comfort. By doing so, you not only transform your own life but also inspire those around you to do the same.

    With Love and Gratitude,

    Jay Shetty

    What We Discuss:

    00:00 Intro

    02:29 Lessons Learned in the Past 12 Months

    03:50 #1: The seeds you planted in the past will grow into flowers or weeds today.

    07:08 #2: Envy will erode your life.

    10:27 #3: People forget things quickly, do the right thing and what's meaningful to you.

    13:06 #4: Everyone sets goals, not everyone chooses growth.

    15:00 #5: Don't let anyone deter you from your purpose.

    16:45 #6: Your challenge is designed for you to become who you're meant to become.

    18:37 #7: You'll let things define you if you don't define them first.

    19:35 #8: Help can come from unlikely sources in unlikely ways.

    21:34 #9: Try to see things as an invitation, not an impediment. 

    24:07 #10: Sometimes to get to your dreams, you have to take the stairs, the elevator, or come through the roof.

    25:17 #11: The people you leave behind will feel left behind no matter what you do.

    26:35 #12 Love is not enough.

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    On Purpose with Jay Shetty
    enSeptember 06, 2024

    Nicky Jam: How to Forgive Yourself From the Past & Free Yourself From Shame and Trauma

    Nicky Jam: How to Forgive Yourself From the Past & Free Yourself From Shame and Trauma

    Are you struggling to overcome your past trauma?

    Are you looking for ways to heal from it?

    Today, Jay sits down with renowned reggaeton artist and songwriter Nicky Jam. Nicky's music career took off after a series of successful mixtapes and collaborations with other artists, including Daddy Yankee, with whom he formed the iconic duo Los Cangris. His work has earned him international fame and multiple awards, establishing him as a major influence in the reggaeton and Latin trap genres. 

    Nicky recounts his first foray into music, packing groceries and freestyling at a supermarket, which inadvertently launched his career despite his young age and the informal nature of his work. He opens up about the difficulties of his upbringing, including his mother’s struggle with substance abuse and prostitution, shaping his understanding of normalcy and family life. This background set the stage for his initial break into the music industry, where early rejections and setbacks paved the way for his eventual success in the Puerto Rican mixtape scene and beyond.

    Together with Jay, Nicky also discusses the challenges of maintaining authenticity and personal happiness amidst fame, expressing discomfort with being seen as a role model and emphasizing the importance of understanding and support for mental health, especially for men in the public eye. Despite ongoing struggles with PTSD, anxiety, and the scars of his traumatic past, Nicky remains hopeful and driven, looking forward to continuing his career and making a positive impact through his work and personal experiences.

    In this interview, you'll learn:

    How to handle early setbacks

    How to deal with the pressure of expectations

    How to use personal struggles as a source of strength

    How to maintain creativity under pressure

    How to find redemption through new opportunities

    How to help others through your work

    Nicky's story demonstrates that with unwavering determination and a genuine approach, it's possible to transform challenging beginnings into legacies of success and enduring influence.

    With Love and Gratitude,

    Jay Shetty

    What We Discuss:

    • 00:00 Intro
    • 03:12 Earliest Childhood Memory
    • 04:06 First Deal
    • 06:44 I Was Happy with the Album
    • 08:15 Life on the Streets
    • 12:06 There’s a Different World Out There
    • 15:22 Looking for Billy
    • 17:20 Simpler or Complicated Life?
    • 19:05 Commands Don’t Work on Me
    • 24:58 Battling Alcohol Addiction
    • 31:06 Drug and Alcohol Problem
    • 34:20 Finding Help
    • 36:40 Feeling Alone
    • 39:18 Almost Dying
    • 42:52 Prison Life
    • 45:59 Moving to Columbia
    • 52:00 My Mom is Different
    • 54:48 Do You Pray a Lot?
    • 58:01 Reconciliation
    • 59:49 Forgiveness
    • 01:05:31 I’m not Retiring
    • 01:09:24 My Album is My Story
    • 01:10:11 Some Misunderstanding People Have
    • 01:12:37 Surgery and Recovery
    • 01:13:46 Talking is Therapy
    • 01:15:12 Nicky on Fast Five

    Episode Resources:

    Dubbed by ElevenLabs and this link: https://elevenlabs.io/jay_shetty

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    On Purpose with Jay Shetty
    enSeptember 02, 2024

    10 Proven Strategies to Boost Productivity & Create a Clear Plan for Achieving Your Goals

    10 Proven Strategies to Boost Productivity & Create a Clear Plan for Achieving Your Goals

    Do you feel unproductive?

    How can you boost your daily productivity?

    Today, Jay talks about how to become productive without feeling burned out. In a world where productivity often leads to burnout, Jay offers practical and transformative strategies to help you achieve more while reducing stress. Whether you're feeling overwhelmed by an endless to-do list or struggling to manage your time effectively, this episode provides the tools you need to reclaim your focus and energy. 

    Jay shares the importance of creating a workspace that fuels productivity and how subtle changes, like scent and sound, can enhance your environment. He also highlights the significance of workplace trust and how identifying whether an issue is people- or system-related can save you time and energy. He wraps up with insights on "monk mode," a method to achieve deep focus in the midst of distractions, and encourages listeners to experiment with these principles to find what works best for them..

    In this episode, you'll learn:

    How to focus on one task at a time for better productivity

    How to identify key drivers of success 

    How to lean into your momentum for maximum output

    How to use a 'to start' list instead of a to-do list

    Tune in to discover how to be productive without compromising your well-being, and walk away with actionable tips that you can implement immediately. 

    With Love and Gratitude,

    Jay Shetty

    What We Discuss:

    00:00 Intro

    02:29 Burnt Out Already?

    04:03 Tip #1: Doing One Thing at a Time

    10:10 Tip #2: Clean Your External Space

    12:40 Tip #3: Create a To-Start-List

    14:17 Tip #4: Give Yourself Positive Validation of Task Completion

    18:51 Tip #5: No Email Until 10AM

    19:47 Tip #6: Goal of the Day, Goal of the Week

    22:03 Tip #7: Know When is Your Most Productive Time

    23:41 Tip #8: Create a Space of Workplace Trust

    26:21 Tip #9: Focus on What’s Causing Success or Failure

    27:42 Tip #10: Lock Into Your Task

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    Chris Voss: #1 Secret Formula FBI Negotiators Use To Always Get What They Want & 4 Ways to Apply These Tactics to Your Life

    Chris Voss: #1 Secret Formula FBI Negotiators Use To Always Get What They Want & 4 Ways to Apply These Tactics to Your Life

    What's a simple negotiation trick you can try today?

    How can you get better at persuading others?

    Today, Jay welcomes former FBI lead international kidnapping negotiator and author of "Never Split the Difference", Chris Voss. He is renowned for his innovative negotiation strategies that emphasize empathy, emotional intelligence, and tactical communication. After retiring from the FBI, Voss founded The Black Swan Group, a consultancy firm that provides negotiation training for businesses and individuals. He is also a popular speaker and has taught negotiation at various business schools.

    Chris discusses his journey from being on a SWAT team to becoming a lead FBI negotiator. He shares that his career path changed after a knee injury and his growing interest in crisis response led him to hostage negotiation where he found the work more satisfying than his previous roles, emphasizing the importance of decisive action in crises.

    Chris and Jay discuss how human beings are naturally wired to be negative as a survival mechanism, which impacts negotiations. He reframes negotiation as a collaborative process rather than a confrontational one and suggests that effective negotiation often goes unnoticed because it looks like seamless collaboration. They also talk about gender dynamics in negotiation, with Voss providing advice on how women can better negotiate in environments where they might be undervalued.  

    In this interview, you'll learn:

    How to calm tense talks

    How to negotiate with narcissists

    How to disarm aggression

    How to foster collaboration

    How to build rapport

    In any situation, effective negotiation is not about winning at all costs but about creating a shared path forward that benefits everyone involved. 

    With Love and Gratitude,

    Jay Shetty

    What We Discuss:

    • 00:00 Intro
    • 01:23 Becoming a Lead Negotiator
    • 04:08 Suicide Hotline Conversations
    • 08:03 Labeling the Negative Emotions
    • 09:35 Negotiation Isn’t a Form of Conflict
    • 14:59 How to Get Someone to Collaborate with You?
    • 21:15 How Do You Slow Down?
    • 25:10 How Do You Prepare for a Negotiation?
    • 29:54 Biggest Negotiation Mistakes
    • 31:42 Always Look for the Patterns
    • 40:20 Used and Taken Advantage Of
    • 44:21 The Illusion of Control
    • 46:17 What’s Your Intention?
    • 48:37 How to Negotiate a Better Salary?
    • 50:49 Reward Strategy in the Workplace
    • 53:33 Negotiating Unfulfilled Salary Raise 
    • 58:57 How Can Women Negotiate Better?
    • 01:00:57 Negotiations That Don’t End with a Deal
    • 01:05:03 Work with the ELFs
    • 01:11:05 Polite Boundary Setting
    • 01:16:29 How to Not Be Emotional When Negotiating
    • 01:22:08 Are You in the Right Relationship?
    • 01:25:55 Respecting Other People’s Values
    • 01:30:52 Tactical Empathy Documentary
    • 01:34:01 Chris on Final Five

    Episode Resources:

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    They Weren't The One For You and That's Ok (8 Steps to Breakthrough Heartbreak)

    They Weren't The One For You and That's Ok (8 Steps to Breakthrough Heartbreak)

    How did you realize they weren't the one for you?

    How did you cope with the heartbreak?

    Today shares a detailed exploration of the emotional journey involved in recognizing and accepting that someone you once believed was "the one" for you, wasn't actually the right person. Often, it’s common for people to convince themselves that someone is the perfect partner, even before that person has committed or shown signs of being a suitable match. This can lead to heartbreak when the relationship fails, but  it’s okay because the person wasn't truly right for them either.

    Jay also discusses the importance of understanding whether the person was truly healed from past wounds or whether they were presenting a version of themselves that wasn’t authentic. Consider the idea that sometimes people stay in relationships out of fear of being alone rather than genuine love or connection. And if a partner is unable or unwilling to engage in meaningful conversations, they might not be the right person.

    In this episode you'll learn:

    How to recognize when someone isn't right for you

    How to focus on your partner's reality, not ideals

    How to prioritize meaningful conversations

    How to stay self-aware after a breakup

    How to balance emotions in a relationship

    Remember, it's okay if someone wasn't the one for you—what matters most is that you remain true to yourself and continue to seek the love and connection you deserve. 

    With Love and Gratitude,

    Jay Shetty

    What We Discuss:

    00:00 Intro

    01:54 They Weren’t For You and That’s Okay

    05:04 #1: When People Show You Who They Are, Believe Them

    09:09 #2: They Never Showed Up When It Mattered

    10:55 #3: They’re Still Healing

    12:41 #4: They Kept Saying We Can’t Do This

    16:37 #5: You Were Chasing the Whole Time

    18:53 #6: They Made You Feel Detached

    19:13 #7: You Are More Scared Of Being Alone Than Be With Them 

    20:58 #8: They Couldn’t Open Up in Meaningful Conversations

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    Dr. Aliza Pressman: How to Avoid Your Parents Mistakes & Raise Confident and Resilient Kids

    Dr. Aliza Pressman: How to Avoid Your Parents Mistakes & Raise Confident and Resilient Kids

    How do you help your children build confidence?

    How do you teach your kids to be resilient?

    Today, Jay welcomes Dr. Aliza Pressman. Aliza is a developmental psychologist with nearly two decades of experience working with families and healthcare providers. She is the host of the Raising Good Humans podcast and an expert in parenting strategies and child development. Dr. Pressman is also the author of The Five Principles of Parenting: Your Essential Guide to Raising Good Humans, where she offers practical advice and insights for parents looking to raise emotionally resilient and well-rounded children. 

    Aliza begins by discussing whether everyone should become a parent and emphasizes the importance of being intentional and reflective before making that decision. She suggests that potential parents should think about their own values and how they want to approach parenting. She explains that having a strong, secure bond with a child is crucial for their development and that this bond can evolve over time, even if there have been mistakes along the way. 

    Some children are more sensitive and require a specific environment to thrive, while others are more adaptable. She encourages parents to be mindful of their child’s unique needs. The discussion moves on to discipline and encouragement. Dr. Pressman suggests that discipline should focus on teaching rather than punishing, with clear boundaries set for the child’s safety and well-being. When it comes to building confidence, she emphasizes that helping children develop skills (competence) is more effective than simply giving praise.

    In this interview, you'll learn:

    How to handle parenting guilt and shame

    How to set boundaries for your child

    How to build your child’s confidence

    How to discipline effectively

    How to foster independence in your child

    How to build a secure attachment with your child

    By focusing on building secure attachments, setting clear boundaries, and fostering independence, parents can create a nurturing environment where their children can thrive. 

    With Love and Gratitude,

    Jay Shetty

    What We Discuss:

    • 00:00 Intro
    • 02:57 Should Everyone Be a Parent?
    • 04:29 How Do We Get to Be Who We Are?
    • 05:50 Secure Attachment Relationship
    • 07:15 Feeling of Guilt and Shame as a Parent
    • 11:07 Tiny Moments to Build Resilience
    • 15:31 The Tendency to Overcorrect
    • 17:03 What is Effective Reflection?
    • 21:44 Learn to Reflect with Your Children
    • 26:31 Failure as a Parent
    • 31:14 Different Forms of Communication with Children
    • 35:10 What is the Right Approach to Discipline?
    • 39:10 Three Parenting Styles 
    • 41:36 Tension and Rejection Can Be a Motivation
    • 45:34 Dealing with a Child Who Doesn’t Want to Open Up
    • 50:12 Your Presence is Important
    • 51:46 How to Have a Social Media Conversation?
    • 57:12 How to Raise a Confident Human?
    • 01:01:40 Allow Kids to Showcase What They Learned
    • 01:05:53 Adults Can Work on Themselves
    • 01:07:23 Aliza on Final Five

    Episode Resources:

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    6 Steps to Detox from Your Phone & Reduce Your Anxiety Levels

    6 Steps to Detox from Your Phone & Reduce Your Anxiety Levels

    How often do you check your phone daily?

    Do you feel anxious when you’re away from your phone?

    Today, Jay addresses the growing concern of excessive phone and internet usage, exploring its detrimental effects on mental and physical health. He begins by explaining how activities like swiping, liking, and commenting on social media provide our brains with dopamine hits, which can create a cycle of dependency and compulsive behavior. Despite the benefits of technology, such as increased connectivity and access to information, many people feel less connected and more distracted, anxious, and impatient.

    Jay elaborates on the neurological aspects of dopamine and its role in pleasure-seeking behaviors, emphasizing that problems arise when we expect constant rewards from our online activities. He draws parallels between the brain's response to food and its response to digital consumption, advocating for a balanced approach that avoids overindulgence in either.

    In this episode, you'll learn:

    How to become more conscious of your internet use

    How to have wifi-free meals

    How to replace morning phone use with healthier habits

    How to stay mindful when using technology

    How to engage in a cell phone detox

    The ultimate goal is to create a healthier, more intentional relationship with technology, leading to a more fulfilling and balanced life.

    With Love and Gratitude,

    Jay Shetty

    What We Discuss:

    00:00 Intro

    01:46 On Your Phone All the Time?

    05:32 Losing Control Over Phone Use

    06:19 Six Steps to Phone Detox

    07:01 Dopamine

    11:23 People Aren’t As Happy As Before

    13:39 How Often Do You Check Your Phone?

    14:27 Cortisol

    17:26 Step 1: Become More Conscious

    19:19 Step 2: Wait an Hour Before Going Online

    21:18 Step 3: The WiFi-Free Meal

    23:45 Step 4: Watch What You Consume Online

    24:54 Step 5: Limit Potions

    25:48 Step 6: Intermittent Fasting

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    Alexis Ren & Allie Michelle: 3 Ways to Stop Putting a Guard up in Love & Why You Need to Change Your Mindset On What Success Means in Dating

    Alexis Ren & Allie Michelle: 3 Ways to Stop Putting a Guard up in Love & Why You Need to Change Your Mindset On What Success Means in Dating

    How can you start letting your guard down in love?

    How can you become more open and vulnerable in your relationships?

    Today, let's welcome Alexis Ren and Allie Michelle. Alexis is a model, entrepreneur, and social media influencer with over 18 million followers on Instagram. Known for her advocacy of mental health and self-empowerment, Alexis has leveraged her platform to promote wellness and personal growth. She is also the co-founder of "We Are Warriors," a female-driven wellness community focused on fostering self-love, strength, and growth among women worldwide. 

    Allie is a bestselling author, spoken word artist, and certified yoga, breathwork, meditation, Reiki, and craniosacral therapist. She is passionate about holistic health and personal development, which she incorporates into her work. The duo are the co-founders of "We Are Warriors," a female-driven wellness community focused on fostering self-love, strength, and growth among women worldwide. 

    Alexis and Allie's friendship began when they were preteens and they share how their relationship has been a cornerstone of their personal growth, providing mutual support through life's challenges. A significant turning point in their friendship occurred when Alexis's mother passed away, leading to Allie’s family adopting Alexis. 

    A significant theme throughout the discussion is the balance of masculine and feminine energies, which Alexis and Allie explore in depth. They describe how these energies play out in their lives and work, with Alexis often taking on a more masculine, action-oriented role, while Allie embodies a more feminine, intuitive approach. They emphasize the importance of recognizing and honoring both energies within oneself and in others, as this balance has been crucial in their personal and professional lives.

    Alexis and Allie also address the societal pressures that women face, particularly around beauty standards and career expectations. Both women emphasize the importance of breaking free from limiting beliefs and societal expectations to find deeper fulfillment and authenticity.

    In this interview, you'll learn:

    How to support a friend

    How to manage criticism

    How to build a strong friendship

    How to stay authentic

    How to handle creative blocks

    How to empower others

    Embrace the balance of your masculine and feminine energies, break free from societal expectations, and empower each other to thrive on the journey to self-discovery and growth.

    With Love and Gratitude,

    Jay Shetty

    What We Discuss:

    • 00:00 Intro
    • 03:38 Beginning of a Friendship 
    • 08:25 Growing Together Independently
    • 10:21 Going Through Big and Small Changes
    • 15:19 Creative and Emotional Intelligence
    • 18:30 Validating and Complimenting Each Other 
    • 21:59 Types of Archetypes
    • 27:18 What's Holding Women Back?
    • 29:46 Start Embracing Your Feminine Energy
    • 33:38 Why Did It Trigger You?
    • 41:00 How to Prepare for Life
    • 45:23 Living an Internally Peaceful Life
    • 52:44 Balance Between Masculine and Feminine Energy
    • 01:02:25 Dealing with the Imbalance in Your Energy
    • 01:07:00 You Can Do Uncomfortable Things
    • 01:10:16 The Best Journaling Practice
    • 01:14:39 Speak to Your Subconscious
    • 01:16:55 Try Leaning Into the Moment
    • 01:23:27 Relationship Checklist 
    • 01:28:38 Alexis and Allie on Final Five 
    • 01:37:46 Giving Each Other the Grace of Change

    Episode Resources:

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.