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    E287 The Bachelorette Recap with Natalie Joy

    enJuly 06, 2021

    Podcast Summary

    • Natalie's Podcast Debut and The Vile Files NominationNick's girlfriend Natalie makes her podcast debut, sharing first impressions of Wisconsin and Nick's family. The Vile Files is nominated for best podcast in society and culture, with Nick up for best male host.

      This episode of The Vile Files features a special appearance by Nick's girlfriend, Natalie, who makes her podcast debut. They are recording from Nick's parents' house during the 4th of July weekend. The podcast, The Vile Files, is up for nomination in the People's Choice Podcast Awards for best podcast in society and culture, and Nick can be voted for as best male host. An upcoming episode will feature Dominic Monahan and Billy Boyd from Lord of the Rings discussing friendship. Natalie shares her first impressions of Wisconsin and Nick's family. She has never watched The Bachelor before and only tuned in for Peter's season. The conversation between Nick and Natalie is more relaxed and less dramatic compared to previous episodes.

    • Erin's surprise discovery about Nick's podcast fameErin initially struggled with Nick's celebrity status but has come to enjoy 'The Bachelor' with him. She believes Katie is sincere and thinks Andrew is a strong contender, while finding Michael's emotions moving and Hunter's nose-blowing habits annoying.

      The speaker, Erin, was surprised to discover that her boyfriend, Nick, was a well-known podcast host on "The Bachelor" show. At first, she was unsure of his fame and found it hard to believe. However, she has since grown to appreciate the show and enjoys watching it with Nick. Erin believes that this season's Bachelorette, Katie, is sincere in her quest for love and thinks that Andrew is a strong contender. She was particularly moved by Michael's emotional moments and found Hunter's frequent nose-blowing habits annoying, drawing on her own past health issues.

    • Unexpected friendship moment between Connor and GregThe latest episode of The Bachelorette featured an intimate display of friendship between Connor and Greg, unexpected Thomas's exit, and speculation about his potential return in Paradise.

      The latest episode of The Bachelorette featured some unexpected moments, including an intimate display of friendship between Connor and Greg. The audio team may have intentionally highlighted Hunter's frequent clearing of his sinuses throughout the episode. Thomas's exit was a topic of discussion, with some feeling he was unfairly treated and others questioning his honesty. The episode opened with a gentle moment between Connor and Greg, leaving many wondering about the backstory behind their closeness. Despite Katie's strong opinions on Thomas, there's speculation he may return in Paradise for a chance at redemption. Overall, the episode was filled with various moments that left viewers curious and engaged.

    • Personal preferences for Untuck It shirts and Every natural deodorantSpeakers shared their experiences with Untuck It's untucked shirts for comfort and confidence, praising the fits, sizes, free returns, and essential oils-free Every deodorant for long-lasting effectiveness and natural ingredients.

      The speakers in this discussion shared their personal preferences and experiences with untucked shirts from Untuck It and natural deodorant from Every. The speakers discussed the comfort and confidence they feel when wearing untucked shirts, which are designed specifically for that purpose. They also praised the various fits and sizes offered by Untuck It, as well as the free returns and exchanges. Regarding natural deodorant, they emphasized the importance of using a product free of harmful chemicals and essential oils for fragrance. Each and every was highlighted for its natural ingredients and long-lasting effectiveness. Blake's entrance into the podcast was also discussed, with the speakers reflecting on his past appearances and the potential for new connections on the show. Overall, the speakers emphasized the importance of feeling good and confident in everyday essentials like clothing and personal care products. Use code VIAL for 20% off your first purchase at untuckit.com and promo code VIALL30 for 30% off your first purchase at every.com.

    • Blake's perspective on contestant tensionBlake acknowledged tension but couldn't fully understand others' feelings, appreciated for sincere demeanor, past involvement perceived unfairly.

      Blake, a contestant on The Bachelor, expressed his frustration towards the tension among the contestants due to the late arrival of newcomers. He acknowledged the tension but emphasized that he couldn't fully understand how the other guys felt since he hadn't experienced being in their shoes. Blake's sincere demeanor and straightforward approach stood out, but the constant mention of his past involvement with The Bachelorette was perceived as unfair by some contestants. Despite this, Blake was appreciated for his unique and deliberate personality. The discussion also touched upon the concept of newcomers disrupting the dynamics of the show and the contestants' reactions to it.

    • Creating Safe Spaces for Open DiscussionSharing personal experiences and feelings in a safe environment is crucial for building strong relationships and promoting healing.

      Communication is an essential aspect of any relationship, and misunderstandings can occur even when people are close to each other. Madonna's remarkable 4-decade-long career in the entertainment industry serves as an example of the importance of staying true to oneself and persevering through challenges. In the discussed podcast episode, a contestant named Katie shared her experience of sexual assault on a date. Although she had previously shared her story, she felt compelled to do so again in response to a question about her sex positivity. Her courage in sharing her story is commendable, and it highlights the importance of creating safe spaces for people to openly discuss their experiences and feelings. The podcast episode also showcases the diversity of experiences and backgrounds among the contestants, as some are afraid of horses and others have faced traumatic experiences. Overall, the episode provides an insightful look into the lives of the contestants and the challenges they face in the competition.

    • Responding to shared experiencesEmpathetic and understanding responses encourage people to open up and build connections, while insensitive reactions can discourage them.

      How a person responds when you share your past experiences or tragedies is crucial. Blake's response was commendable as he was empathetic, apologetic, and made the person feel safe and comfortable. In contrast, some men in the past have blamed the person sharing or made them feel like it was their fault. These reactions can discourage people from opening up, leaving them questioning if they did something wrong. Blake's handling of the situation made Katie feel connected to him, and it's essential to remember that these conversations can be difficult for the person sharing, so it's crucial to respond with care and understanding.

    • Early Romantic Connections and Unexpected TwistsBlake forms a strong bond with Katie, while the group date features unique games and unexpected moments, showcasing the early stages of romantic connections in the Bachelor franchise.

      Blake is a strong contender on the show, as he quickly formed a connection with Katie during their first encounter. Despite some speculation about their initial interaction, it's clear that Blake is here to stay. The group date featured Wells and Francisco, both Bachelor Nation veterans, and a unique game called "Bachelorette Bat Ball." While the game was edited out for time, Wells revealed that it involved talking trash during free throws. The contestants wore protective cups, and Aaron surprised everyone with his impressive physique. Overall, the episode showcased the early development of romantic connections and the unexpected twists that come with the Bachelor franchise.

    • Discussion on Hunter's Appearance and Gameplay on Reality ShowOpinions were divided on a reality show contestant's tattoos and aggressive tactics, with some finding them off-putting and others defending them as part of the game.

      The discussion revolved around the physical appearance and playing style of a character named Hunter on a reality show, with some participants expressing concerns over his tattoos and aggressive gameplay. Hunter's tattoos were described as extensive and giving off a cyborg-like impression. Some found his tactics in the game dirty, particularly an incident where he allegedly hit someone from behind. Despite this, others defended Hunter, arguing that the physicality of the game was to blame. A misunderstanding regarding who committed a dirty play led to confusion, but ultimately, Michael's injury caused the game to be canceled, saving the other players. Overall, the conversation showed a mix of opinions regarding Hunter's appearance and actions on the show.

    • Unexpected Cocktail Party TwistThe Bachelorette's unpredictable group date outcome caused tension and suspicion among contestants, particularly towards Blake, despite Tayshia's belief in his intentions.

      The outcome of a group date in a reality dating show, "The Bachelorette," caused confusion and tension among the contestants due to the host's unexpected decision. Tayshia, the host, had warned the losing team that they would be going home, but when Vanessa's team won, she changed her mind and kept them all for a cocktail party. This decision led to suspicion and mistrust among the contestants, particularly towards Blake, who had received multiple one-on-one dates. Hunter and Katie's connection was also highlighted as a potential romantic development in the show. Despite the tension, Tayshia believed that Blake would not be a villain and that the focus would shift to other contestants. The infrequent one-on-one dates added to the contestants' frustration towards Blake.

    • Hunter's overconfident behavior and Michael's heartfelt storyBeing true to oneself and taking advantage of one-on-one time with the lead can make a lasting impression.

      Hunter's overconfident behavior on "The Bachelor" came across as insecurity and was fueled by the drama rose he received from Katie. Michael's heartfelt story touched Greg, who then had an intimate conversation with Katie. Greg's authenticity and vulnerability stood out amidst the group dates, which were often lackluster and unproductive for getting to know the contestants. The audience's perception of Greg was influenced by his acting background, with some Bachelor Nation fans questioning his sincerity. Ultimately, Katie acknowledged that there were contestants she hadn't gotten to know well yet, including Michael and Justin. Michael's emotional story and Greg's genuine connection with Katie highlighted the importance of being true to oneself and taking advantage of one-on-one time with the lead.

    • Navigating Reality TV Dating ShowsReality TV dating shows can be unrealistic and pressuring, but staying true to oneself can lead to unexpected revelations and connections.

      Reality TV dating shows can be challenging and unrealistic environments for genuine feelings to develop. During his experience on the show, Greg struggled to connect with Katie due to the artificial nature of the situation and the pressure to perform. Michael, on the other hand, reminded Greg to let go of his inhibitions and enjoy the experience. Despite Greg's initial sadness and insecurity, he ultimately took Michael's advice and sat down with Katie, leading to an unexpected revelation about his "resting sad face." Although Greg was initially taken aback by Katie's observation, he came to accept it and moved forward. The show also hinted at potential romantic developments with other contestants, such as Blake, leaving the audience in suspense. Overall, the discussion highlights the complexities and unpredictability of reality TV dating shows and the importance of staying true to oneself in the face of adversity.

    • Race and Parenthood Discussed on The BachelorAndrew and Katie's heartfelt conversation about race and parenthood added depth to his character, highlighted the lack of diversity in past Bachelor seasons, and emphasized the importance of open and honest discussions.

      The contestant Andrew had an important conversation with Katie about race and his desire to be a present father, which added depth to his character and showed his sincerity. Additionally, the conversation highlighted the lack of diversity and representation in past seasons of the Bachelor franchise. Aaron's behavior towards other contestants, particularly his dislike for Hunter, was also discussed. The contestants shared personal stories about growing up without a present parent and the importance of being a good parent. The conversation during the date about learning one thing from parents resonated with both Katie and the contestant. Overall, the episode showcased the importance of open and honest conversations about race and parenthood.

    • The importance of being present in children's livesBe present for your kids, have open conversations, and strive for authenticity in parenting and relationships.

      Being present in your children's lives is crucial, as the speaker shares how they wish their absent father had been during important moments in their life. Additionally, they plan to have more open conversations with their kids about life, including topics that may have been avoided in their own upbringing. The speaker also discusses the portrayal of relationships in a show they've been watching, noting the aggressive make-out scenes and the varying levels of clothing worn by the characters. Overall, the importance of being present, open communication, and authenticity in parenting and relationships emerged as key themes in the conversation.

    • The Contestants Showcase Their Unique PersonalitiesConnor charmed with music, Michael displayed vulnerability, Hunter used aggression, Trey remained carefree, and all went the extra mile for Katie

      The contestants on The Bachelor continue to showcase their unique personalities and approaches to winning Katie's heart. Connor, a talented musician, used his charm and confidence to make a strong impression. Michael, an endearing and experienced man, displayed his vulnerability and genuine connection with Katie. Hunter, despite his aggressive behavior, managed to secure a rose using a classic Bachelor tactic. Meanwhile, Trey, who received a drama rose last week, remained carefree and focused on enjoying his time. Hunter's telescope, brought from home, added an unexpected element to the night, highlighting the contestants' willingness to go the extra mile for Katie. Overall, the episode was relatively drama-free, but the contestants continued to showcase their diverse personalities and strategies.

    • Hunter's Clear Communication StyleHunter's direct approach sets him apart, showing his commitment to Katie and the competition, contrasting with James's mysterious behavior.

      Hunter's clear and direct communication style is a defining characteristic of his personality. He makes it clear to Katie that he's there for the long haul and has no intention of backing down, even if he's misconstrued. This trait extends to his actions, as seen when he brings a backup rose to the ceremony and makes it clear that he's not going anywhere. Hunter's straightforwardness contrasts with James's more playful and mysterious behavior, adding intrigue to their dynamic. Additionally, the conversation hints at potential developments for other contestants, such as Mike and Thomas, leaving viewers eager to see what's next on the show.

    • Supporting creators and engaging with contentListeners can contribute to the success of podcasts and build connections with hosts and guests by supporting creators through subscriptions, ratings, and nominations, and engaging with content on social media.

      The importance of supporting creators and content that resonates with us. The hosts expressed their gratitude to their listeners for tuning in and for showing support through subscriptions, ratings, and nominations. They also announced an exciting upcoming episode featuring Billy Boyd and Dominic Monaghan from Lord of the Rings. Additionally, they highlighted the significance of following Natalie Joy on social media, emphasizing the double "n" and "j" in her handle. The hosts encouraged listeners to engage with the show and share their appreciation for the content. Overall, this episode underscored the importance of community and collaboration in the world of podcasting and entertainment. By supporting creators and engaging with their content, listeners can contribute to the success of the show and build a connection with the hosts and their guests. So, if you've enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe, rate, and nominate The Vow Files for best podcast under society and culture, and for best male host. Don't forget to follow Natalie Joy on social media, and join us tomorrow for another great episode. Thank you for listening!

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    The Viall Files
    enJune 24, 2024

    E765 RR - Perfect Match w/ Stevan, Brian Baumgartner, Love Island, Gypsy Rose, & Justin Timberlake Arrest

    E765 RR - Perfect Match w/ Stevan, Brian Baumgartner, Love Island, Gypsy Rose, & Justin Timberlake Arrest

    Welcome back to The Viall Files: Reality Recap.

    This is a fun episode! Brian Baugartner, from the Office, joins us to talk all things barbecue and build his perfect reality tv cast. Meanwhile, Stevan Ditter from Perfect Match zooms in to talk all things drama in the villa… How was his experience? How is he with Alara? What is he doing now? 

    “We have to ask you, did he kiss Melinda?” 

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    Listen To Disrespectfully now!

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    Timestamps:
    00:00 - Intro
    02:59 - Household Headlines
    07:40 - Rihanna
    09:46 - Stay At Home GF
    13:33 - Icks
    17:46 - Filming
    18:37 - Proposals
    24:13 - 90 Day Fiance
    27:19 - Gypsy Rose
    29:19 - Clayton
    32:33 - Love Island
    42:02 - Welcome Brian
    01:03:26 - Getting Grilled
    01:11:40 - TikTok
    01:13:33 - Build Your Burger
    01:24:40 - Reality TV
    01:28:45 - Book Promo
    01:33:03 - The Office
    01:35:29 - Perfect Match
    01:36:50 - Stevan
    01:56:51 - Perfect Match Final Thoughts
    02:03:09 - Outro

     

    The Viall Files
    enJune 20, 2024

    E764 RR - Summer House, Perfect Match w/ Elys, Bach Bios, Kenya Moore Suspended, and RHONJ

    E764 RR - Summer House, Perfect Match w/ Elys, Bach Bios, Kenya Moore Suspended, and RHONJ

    Welcome back to reality recap. Today we start off with Nick’s first Father’s Day. Then we get to our drama: Kenya Moore being indefinitely suspended from the current season of RHOA, Football Player, Isaiah Bugs being arrested AGAIN, and Lindsay Hubbard being grilled at the Summer House Reunion Part 2. Meanwhile, Elys Hutchinson from Perfect Match joins us to talk about her experience on the show!

    “you know what? I was wrong.”

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    Timestamps:
    00:00 - Intro
    02:55 - Father’s Day
    08:11 - Housekeeping
    11:40 - RHOA
    19:38 - Football
    22:03 - Bachelor Credit
    23:04 - Red Lobster
    30:33 - The Apprentice
    43:28 - Jenn’s Men
    01:08:55 - Picking Noses
    01:14:59 - Summerhouse
    01:33:39 - Perfect Match
    01:40:19 - Elys Joins
    02:02:19 - More Perfect Match
    02:06:20 - RHONJ
    02:11:46 - Outro

    The Viall Files
    enJune 18, 2024

    E763 Ask Nick - Flirting With an NHL Player

    E763 Ask Nick - Flirting With an NHL Player

    Welcome back to another episode of The Viall Files: Ask Nick Edition! We start off the episode by addressing your gentle parenting responses and diving into the ideal dating expectations of men. Then we get to our callers… 

    Our first caller wants to shoot her shot with a professional athlete. Our second caller is back with her ex, and is afraid to tell her parents. Finally, our third caller is thriving in her occupational industry but is afraid it turns off the men she’s dating.

    “As a woman who’s very successful and passionate about her career, that should never feel like a negative for you”

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    The Viall Files
    enJune 17, 2024

    E762 GD w/ West Wilson - Summer House, Girlcode, Sleep Training, and Perfect Match with Tolú

    E762 GD w/ West Wilson - Summer House, Girlcode, Sleep Training, and Perfect Match with Tolú

    Welcome back to The Viall Files: Going Deeper, with Summer House’ West Wilson. 

    To start things out, we invite Tolú Ekundare from Netflix’s Perfect Match… She shares her experience matching with Izzy Zapata, Dom Gabriel, and Chris Hahn. Then we get to our interview with West. How was his first season? Who does he still talk to? Does he regret his relationship with Ciara?

    “When someone shows you who they are, believe it.” 

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    Timestamps:
    00:00 - Intro
    05:48 - Household Headlines
    12:23 - Love Island
    17:57 - Summerhouse Drama
    21:05 - Captain Lee
    25:39 - Sleep Training
    31:08 - Age
    34:28 - Tolú Interview
    57:10 - Feedback
    01:10:22 - West Interview
    01:17:01 - New To Bravo
    01:19:55 - Saying Weird Things
    01:21:35 - Bachelor
    01:22:37 - Selfie
    01:30:54 - Your Heart
    01:43:15 - Love Languages
    01:50:26 - Dads
    01:54:12 - Team Carl
    01:59:55 - Her Take
    02:04:27 - Open
    02:14:39 - TOH
    02:30:00 - What Is Next
    02:32:52 - Ciara
    02:48:04 - Sports
    02:48:45 - Off Your Chest
    02:49:28 - Coming on ViFi
    02:53:59 - Outro

     

    The Viall Files
    enJune 13, 2024

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    What is it like to be a foster care provider? Often we think about the heartache that must come with returning a child to their biological parent... Jillana Goble shares with us the grief and the hope. If you are a foster parent, my hope is you will feel seen in this upcoming episode. If you love someone who is a foster parent, I hope you will walk away with practical ways you can support them.
     
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    Jillana holds a Masters Degree in Teaching. She is a sought after speaker on various topics around foster care, government/community partnership, adoption, special needs, grief, and hope.  She continues to mentor and walk alongside countless foster parents navigating this journey.
     
    Jillana and her husband, Luke, got married in 2000. They have two biological daughters and two sons that they fostered and later adopted. They were also reunited with their first son in foster care after over a decade apart. They are joyfully called “Auntie” & “Papa” by another child in foster care who has lived with them twice.
     
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    00:23:22 Why Jillana started Embrace Oregon -  Every Child
    *00:28:05 The Welcome Boxes - a loving gift given to a child who is being processed into the DHS system
    00:29:57 What got her first interest in being a foster parent started in Guatemala - this caused her and her husband Luke to ask, "Where are the vulnerable children here (the US)?"
    00:32:35 Their first experience in fostering
    00:33:52 What happened in Guatemala that caused her and Luke to ask this question
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    00:36:48  Jillana's relationship with her 11 year old son's biological mom - the most transformational relationship she's ever been a part of
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    00:54:07 Fostering is about holding things loosely - hope, expectations of what you would want to happen, what you think should happen, biological parents, foster children
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    01:08:00 Honoring the humanity of the biological parents
     
    01:12:49 How we can be supportive to a foster parent
     
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    How to Find Jillana:
     
    Jillana's Book:
     
    Kathleen's Workbook -Embrace You: A Guide to Uncovering the Real You
     
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    Wanna Become a Patreon Member? Click here => Patreon Information
     
    Where to find Kathleen
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    Walker was born and Bre reenrolled full time in school when he was seven months old. She had an on-campus apartment, found a great babysitter, and worked in the bursar’s office. 

     

    - Bre Sprague

    We just had a routine we get up in the morning at five thirty. That would be his in my time to have breakfast and, and you know just enjoy the quiet of the morning.  I'd give him to the sitter at about seven thirty I'd go to class between 8:00 9:00. I'd either be in class until 2:00 ish or 4:00 with some breaks in between.  I worked part time at the bursar's office as a collection agent which tell me that was all sorts of fun. Nothing like calling people to say hey the reason you can't schedule for classes is because you owe the university a lot of money especially talking to angry parents and then also you know I'd pick them up in the afternoon and we had our time between you know four thirty or five until about seven thirty when he went to bed and then I would study from 730 until midnight and we get up and we do the same thing the next day

     

    Bre was supported by advocates along the way, like her finite math professor. Bre would bring a blanket and toys to office hours, letting Walker roll on the floor while she did math problems on the whiteboard. 

     

    - Bre Sprague

    I think out of a lot of his other undergrad students he was just impressed with the fact that I showed up as you know. By that point I was 23 but with a baby to do the work because my job was not to be a mom but was to get an education to advance our life.

     

    After graduating, Bre worked at an athletic club as a personal trainer.  But the work was dollar for hour, and she decided to make a move into pharmaceutical sales.  She was motivated, a gifted connector, and did well selling pain medication.  But the work was not for her. 

     

    - Bre Sprague

    And for me I always say I was seduced out of personal training into pharmaceutical sales which is a fine industry for other people. For me I hated it. I gave up what I believed in and still believe in and preventative medicine by eating the right foods and doing the work even if it's a 10 minute walk you know to take care of your health to working in an industry that although there is a need for it there is also there is also a lot of greed and a lot of unnecessary prescribing I would say and unnecessary pushing by the pharmaceutical industry.

     

    So, she left.  Bre was recruited into home health care sales.  There was a ninety-day waiting period for insurance to kick in.  The monthly cost for a COBRA insurance extension was $968 a month.  So, she decided to take a risk.  She was healthy, her son was healthy, surely, they could make it 90 days. 

     

    - Bre Sprague

    I mean I can see it right like I was holding it in my hand even right now and I had a mortgage that was like fifteen thirty one and I had a car payment and I had insurance and even though my base salary was seventy five grand a year which left me as a single mom going wow I really kind of made this I've got a great base salary and I've got bonus and I get a car stipend at the end of the day it didn't go that far especially with you know mortgage and student loans and all the bills that you need to live life I didn't have an extra nine hundred sixty eight dollars a month laying around so I made the decision to take a gamble and not to do it

     

    Her company paid for 30 days of COBRA coverage.  And on day 31, Walker came home from school drained; he was too tired to go to Boy Scouts.  His belly hurt too much to eat dinner.  Bre was concerned, she kept him in her room that night. 

     

    - Bre Sprague

    So I brought him into my bed to sleep that night and the vomiting started at about 1:00 in the morning and I was almost every hour on the hour he just kept getting sicker and sicker and I would I would give him fluids and anything I put in him would come right back up

     

    She called the doctor, and they said it was probably the flu. 

     

    - Bre Sprague

    And I was in the position that so many Americans are when you put off going to the doctor or to the E.R. because you know you don't have you don't have health insurance and you don't know what it's going to cost. And so, it kept getting worse.

     

    By that evening, Walker was lying, exhausted in the tub. 

     

    - Bre Sprague

    And I don't know if you've ever seen somebody who's in respiratory distress, but you get this you can't even do it naturally you get this upper chest breathing it's basically a good death rattle is what it is. You get this upper chest breathing and you get. He was so white, he was so white, and I was on the phone with my friend Dr. Jesse. And he goes you can't wait any longer. You have to go you have to go to the E.R. now.

     

    Bre went to the ER.  Walker saw six different doctors throughout the long night.  He was vomiting, continuing to decline.  Walker was taken to surgery to remove his appendix the following afternoon.  By that time, Walker was full of infection and the surgery took three hours. 

     

    - Bre Sprague

    After the surgery the doctor comes out and he says I am so sorry but he's, he's full of infection inside and you're going to watch your child get sicker and sicker and sicker. And there's nothing you can do about it. There's nothing I can do about it until that abscess forms so I can go in and I can get the infection all the way out he goes So we're gonna give him around the clock antibiotics but he's gonna get really, really sick this week. And that week was probably the toughest week of my life because you know I called into my employer and I said Listen I'm not coming in. I can't be in right now and explain what was going on. I explain that my child could die because it was that bad.

     

    - Bre Sprague

    And he, he was so sick and I felt like I was grateful that my mom was able to come up and help and I had some good friends who came but it was a very scary time and I said to my employer that I wasn't coming into work and they said well you haven't been with us long enough to give you FMLA. And I said I don't care. Don't pay me. You know I'm going to be in the hospital at least two weeks and if not, I'll be back to work as soon as I can. And so, I really need a rep in the field. And they paused. I said I really don't need your job. And I got up and then I said Oh my God what did I just do.

     

    - Bre Sprague

    I have no job, but it was it was the right thing to do. It was scary.  It was you know when your child looks at you and your child say you know mom if I die will you come to my grave because he knew how sick he was. Those are words I don't ever want any parent to have to hear and thank goodness he after he had another surgery when they got the abscess out and he was like a different child immediately.

     

    - Bre Sprague

    And we had lots of medicine and great care, but it was it was painful, and it was it was scary to go through not being so uncertain. And while you're going through all that stuff watching your child you know be sick and cared for. You're also dealing with trying to get assistance from people who represent the state to try to fill out the right paperwork to see if you can get the medical bills covered. And that's, that's another element of stress and, and, and so it really was something that even if I hadn't left that job and that standpoint there wasn't any empathy to begin with.

     

    - Liesel Mertes

    Yeah, I hear how just there was so much of a lack of anything on the other side of the phone as you think about that interaction. It's kind of an imaginative exercise but like what would what would you have wanted to hear in that moment as you're talking and saying I can't come in for the next week and this is really scary.

     

    - Bre Sprague

    I would have wanted to hear. Please keep me posted. I. I hope that your son is okay and that he's going to pull through and I'm gonna be sending you know good thoughts and that we're going to do what we can on our end to support you. And we look forward to you coming back fully present to work.

     

    - Liesel Mertes

    I mean I'm struck that one it's such a deep and miss on a human level but even if you were just representing like a business asset like you've been recruited this way you've been trained you've been wooed. I mean they've spent money and they've invested something in you and even if you're just looking at it from mishandling an investment like what a loss let alone to really realize now this is an actual person that matters even if you're just reducing it like

     

    - Bre Sprague

    I felt disposable. I felt that they were in such a growth mode looking at what they wanted to accomplish as a company and growth and they have done very, very well since I was with them but it did not leave me with a positive a positive feeling moving forward even when I was going.

     

    - Bre Sprague

    I felt very defeated moving forward even looking for a new a new job and looking at wow like I have a lot to offer here.

     

    Bre does have a lot to offer and this situation made her feel like she was being treated as a liability to her employer because of her responsibilities as a single parent.  And this doesn’t have to be the case. 

     

    - Bre Sprague

    And you know for me when I look back at everything and I talk to other single mothers and other single parents and single fathers who do it you just find a way to make it work. You stretch the dollar you, you find a way to make sure that the needs of your child are taking care of and that's an asset that's thinking outside the box that's being able to go oh wow like let's look at this from a different perspective.

     

    - Bre Sprague

    Yeah, I really feel that a single parent male or female is a huge asset or a single caregiver because there are a lot of people who are taking care of parents who are having to live with them now. And you know as a single parent that that asset and what I say that you know you're showing up you're, you're doing what needs to get done you're structured you're scheduled and I feel like that and I'm not saying that every single parent or every employee like that is like that be great if everybody was but you know it, it isn't a huge asset to any organization when you have a person who is driven to take care of the needs beyond themselves.

     

    In caring for the needs of her son, Bre has had to make sacrifices in her life to sustain both a career and her son.  If she had to miss work for a doctor’s appointment, she made up the time late at night (just as she did in college). Bre missed birthday parties because of sales trips.  She didn’t take a proper vacation until her son was 13 because she needed to save her vacation days in case he got sick.  All of these decisions and others are part of the calculus of a working parent. In the midst of juggling all these concerns, single parents also have to manage the judgment of coworkers.    

     

    – Bre Sprague

    but too often I feel like single parents get that rap of not being able to show up fully because they might be you know you'll hear someone say they're leaving work again early. Well maybe they're leaving work because their child has a therapy appointment. Maybe they're leaving work because it's the only time the dentist can get them in. You know maybe, maybe they're leaving work because they just need to go and have a picnic with their kid because they haven't spent any quality time with their kid and about two weeks. And I think if the if the leadership within the company doesn't create a culture where everybody whether you have children or not can show up and do their best work and feel safe and not feel judged then no matter what your station as I think everybody ends up feeling like just a number and a cog in the wheel and a liability.

     

    I’d like to interject a reflection here.  Bre talked about the power of the side comment, the coworker who snipes, “They’re leaving work early again…”  Often, when we think about culture in organizations, we focus on the power of top-down change.  But culture is comprised of a hundred little interactions.  How you talk about your coworkers, that matters.  Think of the difference.  You see a single mom leaving at 4 PM.  What if, instead of snarking about how you wish you could just leave in the middle of the day, you say, “She is a really dedicated mom.  I am amazed how she juggles so much and still does such great work.”

     

    In the space of workplace culture, Bre also noticed that there was a different standard applied to men than was applied to women. 

     

    - Bre Sprague

    I love men and this is not meaning to be a bash on men. A lot of it is our society and still how programmed we are. And the, the double standards that do exist against women in the workplace. You know I, I know of fathers who coached baseball teams who have to leave work early to go and coach baseball and it's like wow that's great. He's coaching the baseball team and that same excitement and that same you know.

     

    - Bre Sprague

    You know really applauding and cheering somebody on as a woman needs to be there because all too often it's not. And, and if we want more women to be able to step up to the table and roles of leadership, we need to create cultures where you know what it's OK, you're a mom. That's part of who you are. You know it's OK. You know your kid got sick and isn't it great that we now have technology that you can work from home for a day if you need to work from home you know or that you know you can do the companies that do unlimited PTO as long as you're getting your work done.  You know your kid got sick and isn't it great that we now have technology that you can work from home for a day if you need to work from home you know or that you know you can do the companies that do unlimited PTO as long as you're getting your work done.  And I think that's the key factor is that moving away from cultures that are micromanaging the old way of thinking to saying how do we allow somebody to show up as their full self

     

    Moving forwards, Bre wanted to be part of a company with a culture that was inclusive and supportive.  Inclusion. This is a term that is used in business and it can bring to mind inclusion along the lines of gender or orientation of race.  But what does it mean to expand inclusion to include those who are living through disruptive life events or are in the midst of life circumstances that fall outside of the norm? 

     

    - Bre Sprague

    You know and I feel like inclusion in in in creating a culture that is inclusive, is that is inclusive. It allows people to, to be vulnerable no matter what boundaries need to be in place. I think it's totally fine. I love it.

     

    One of the, the, one of my many hats that I wear the boss my CEO of that company she hasn't had to say to me but she and I have joked that she has no problem telling somebody that this is probably something you should be talking to your therapist about and it's and it's true that like you can have that vulnerability and say hey I'm going on I'm coming into work I have this going on for example my grandmother died in January and I went into work and I just was honest is that if I seem a little bit off today it's because I am my 97 year old grandmother died and there was no need I mean she was in Florida and arrangements had to be made it wasn't like I needed to be off of work but there was a you know that awareness could bring some clarity so they might understand why I might seem a little off not laughing at our jokes quickly.

     

    - Liesel Mertes

    Well in some way it gives it gives people more of the story. It's like in any relational dynamic you provide an answer to the question if you don't know:  oh, she must be upset because of what you know people are providing their own answer if they're perceiving that you don't give them a context.

     

    - Bre Sprague

    Yeah, I am big on clarification.

     

    MUSICAL TRANSITION

     

    - Bre Sprague

    It's not about balance it's about juggling. It's about being okay with leaving some dishes in the sink at night because that extra half an hour of sleep is so much more important than those couple dishes that just need to be put in the dishwasher. It's about not stressing over the small stuff.

     

    - Bre Sprague

    And you know if somebody even little things like you know I used to spend a lot of time on in the car driving for sales reps jobs and oh this person cut me off. Well maybe that person was just trying to get to muffins with moms like give somebody Grace and give yourself Grace and that's really what it would be that it's

     

    - Bre Sprague

    there's no such thing as perfection. It's just about doing your best with what you can at the time forgiving yourself for when you feel like you haven't shown up as your best and then just truly knowing that you have worth and that you're not perfect but you're a good parent and a good employee and a good friend and a good daughter.

     

    Knowing that you are a good parent, a good employee, a good friend and daughter. These words are powerful; are you a person that gives these words of affirmation?  Because there are people in your life, in your workplace, that would really appreciate hearing them. 

     

    - Liesel Mertes

    Bree thank you for sharing.

     

    - Bre Sprague

    I'm really grateful to have had the opportunity to meet you to be on the show. I am a fan of your mission of your work because people we've heard over and over again people don't leave jobs they leave poor management and they leave toxic cultures and all too often people will make a quick lateral transfer and they're not making any more money but the environment that they're in has been so toxic that they cannot stay any longer.

     

    - Bre Sprague

    And I'm a huge fan of what you are trying to accomplish and what you are accomplishing because when a person can show up as their whole self in a workplace happy employees stay happy employees are productive and that's what we really need to try to cultivate more of. And so, congratulations to you and kudos and keep doing the good work. I agree. Thanks. Thanks for that.

     

    - Liesel Mertes

    Those words of affirmation I receive them so.

     

    MUSICAL TRANSITION

     

    Three lessons or perhaps questions emerge from my conversation with Bre.

     

    • How inclusive and accommodating is your company to the needs of single parents? If you don’t know, ask the single parents that work with you. Create a focus group, send out a confidential survey.  Then consider, what can you offer to show support to single parents?  By offering support systems like flexible working arrangements and results-oriented hours, you can give essential support as well as differentiate yourself as an employer of choice. 
    • Conversations with people in the midst of disruptive life events really matter, do you feel equipped to have those conversations? As Bre was sitting at the bedside of her sick son, she had a phone call that changed her work trajectory.  Bre’s life was upended and the company had to absorb the cost of recruiting and retraining her replacement.  This could have been avoided.  What if that person, on the other end of the line, had been able to offer basic support and empathy?  If you would like further training for yourself or your staff in how to have these conversations well, consider engaging a workplace empathy consultant. 
    • Vulnerability can be a way of bringing clarity to a situation. For Bre, that looked like letting coworkers know that her grandmother died and that she was compromised as a result.  Are you a part of a culture that allows people to feel comfortable expressing their emotional location?  Do they believe that they will be met with empathy when they are vulnerable?  If not, what can you do to bring more of this clarity and open communication to the workplace?  If you are in leadership, perhaps this starts with sharing some of your own need for empathy and support. 

     

    As a parting note, Handle with Care will be taking a two-week break.  We will resume the podcast at the close of July as we help you build empathy at work.    

     

    OUTRO