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    E653 Ask Nick with Eli Rallo - My Situationship Wants Me to Take His Virginity

    enOctober 16, 2023

    Podcast Summary

    • Exploring Self-Discovery and Building Skills at Summer Camp and in RelationshipsReflect on personal growth at camp, prioritize self-reflection and enjoyment in dating, and ensure safety through authenticity and self-awareness.

      Summer camp offers children a unique opportunity to discover themselves and build skills in a nurturing environment. Meanwhile, in the real world, safety measures like wearing seat belows are essential to ensure our well-being. Moving on to relationships, Eli Rallo's upcoming book, "I didn't know I needed this," emphasizes the importance of self-reflection and enjoyment in dating. Many people struggle with communication and authenticity due to the influence of social media and apps. Despite the challenges, Rallo encourages readers to prioritize their own happiness and agency. Regarding dating apps, Rallo shares a nuanced perspective, acknowledging their potential benefits but also their limitations and potential drawbacks. Overall, the discussions revolve around the importance of self-awareness, authenticity, and safety in various aspects of life.

    • Dating apps: Changing expectations and realitiesWhile dating apps offer convenience and a larger pool of potential matches, they can also promote unrealistic standards and transactional views of relationships. Focus on getting to know people for who they truly are, rather than superficial characteristics.

      Dating apps have changed the way we approach relationships and our expectations of potential partners. While they offer convenience and a larger pool of potential matches, they also encourage unrealistic standards and a transactional view of dating. People often create idealized versions of their perfect partner in their heads, leading to disappointment when reality doesn't match up. The apps themselves contribute to this by serving up potential matches and providing immediate validation, which can lead to unhealthy situationships and a warped perspective of what we're entitled to in a relationship. It's important to remember that everyone has value and that meeting someone online doesn't diminish the potential for a meaningful connection. Instead of focusing on superficial characteristics, we should aim to get to know people for who they truly are.

    • Be honest but have an 'out' for first datesHonesty is crucial in dating, but making plans with an escape route and recognizing gender differences in love can enhance dating experiences

      Honesty is important in dating, but sometimes people feel pressured to lie about insignificant details like height to increase their chances of getting matches or dates. This can lead to a toxic dating culture. However, a piece of revolutionary dating advice is to make plans after a first date and always have an out. This approach allows individuals to evaluate if they want to continue seeing someone without the pressure of having to make a decision on the spot. Additionally, understanding the differences in how men and women fall in love can help prevent misunderstandings and frustration. Women tend to fall in love through intimacy and communication, while men fall in love through time spent apart. By implementing these strategies, individuals can improve their dating experiences and avoid unnecessary pressure or disappointment.

    • Enjoy the present moment during datingFocus on having fun and not evaluating the date in real time. Avoid assumptions and assumptions of deal breakers or icks.

      It's important to keep your expectations low and focus on enjoying the present moment during dating experiences. Instead of inflating the person in your mind and creating unrealistic stories, ask yourself if you're having fun and if you want to see them again. Avoid evaluating the date in real time and worrying about whether they like you, and try to maintain a balance between thinking about the conversation and your own feelings. Additionally, be cautious of assumptions and avoid labeling someone as a "deal breaker" or an "ick" too quickly. These concepts can be valid, but they can also be blown out of proportion. Remember, the goal is to enjoy the experience and learn more about yourself and the other person.

    • Vulnerability in relationships leads to deeper connectionsExpressing and acknowledging emotions deepens relationships, even if timing may not be perfect.

      Vulnerability and open communication in relationships can lead to deeper connections. The speaker shared that they had a panic attack during sex with someone they cared about for the first time, and the person responded by expressing her own feelings of love. The speaker was unsure if the reaction was genuine or situational, but they appreciated the vulnerability and openness. This experience resonated with the speaker, as they had also been in a similar situation where they expressed their feelings first. The conversation highlighted the importance of acknowledging and validating each other's emotions, even if the timing may not be perfect. It's normal to need time to process and express feelings, and open communication can help build stronger, more meaningful relationships.

    • Expressing love in relationshipsCommunicate openly and honestly, ask for permission, focus on caring for each other, and use positive affirmations for a strong relationship.

      Expressing love and emotions in relationships can be confusing and uncomfortable at times, but it's important to communicate openly and honestly. The timing of expressing love may not be the same for both partners, and it's okay to ask for permission to take things slow. There are many ways to make bids for connection, big and small, and overthinking can sometimes make things more complicated than they need to be. It's important to remember that everyone experiences emotions differently and on different timelines, and the key is to focus on caring for each other in meaningful ways. Positive affirmations and open communication can help remove any potential sting and keep the relationship strong.

    • Don't let fear hinder connectionBe open and honest in the present, trusting that feelings will naturally evolve and that growth is a part of love.

      Expressing your feelings and building a connection with someone should not be hindered by fear of potential future changes. It's natural for feelings to evolve, and it's important to communicate openly and honestly in the present. Don't pull back out of fear of getting too close or being vulnerable. Instead, share your positive thoughts and feelings with your partner when they come up. It's okay to go at different paces in a relationship, and it's important to respect each other's individual growth. Don't let the fear of hurting someone's feelings or the possibility of a future breakup prevent you from building a meaningful connection in the present. Trust that you'll both grow and learn together, and that your feelings will naturally evolve as well. Don't put unnecessary pressure on yourself to define love or force feelings to come. Instead, focus on enjoying the present moment and the connection you have with your partner.

    • Understanding the Complexity of Emotions in RelationshipsCommunicate openly and honestly, express feelings authentically, and remember emotions are not static. Love and appreciation can help build relationships, even if progress is slow.

      Expressing emotions, especially in the context of dating and relationships, can be a complex and evolving process. It's important to remember that feelings can change and that it's okay to express them in the moment, even if their meaning may shift over time. There's often external pressure to define love and commitment in definitive terms, but it's essential to remember that emotions are not static. The exchange of "I love you" between two people can hold different meanings at different stages of a relationship. It's crucial to communicate openly and honestly, and to give ourselves permission to express our feelings authentically, even if we're unsure of what the future holds. Ultimately, expressing love and appreciation can help build and strengthen relationships, and it's essential to remember that slow progress and taking things at a comfortable pace are not mutually exclusive.

    • Improve productivity with Canva and Helix SleepCanva offers collaboration, creativity, and efficiency for teams. Helix Sleep provides personalized mattress selection and a convenient buying experience.

      Using tools like Canva for Teams and Helix Sleep can significantly improve productivity and efficiency for individuals and teams. Canva offers real-time collaboration features and a vast library of design templates to create content, while Helix Sleep provides a personalized mattress selection process and a convenient buying experience. During the discussion, the speakers highlighted the benefits of Canva for their team, which includes collaboration, creativity, and efficiency. They also emphasized the importance of a good night's sleep and recommended Helix Sleep for its wide range of mattress options, customized quiz to find the perfect fit, and a 100-night trial. Julie shared a personal story about a complicated situationship where she met someone at work who wanted her to take his virginity. Although she initially found him endearing, she eventually realized that she didn't want to be in that role. The story serves as a reminder to be cautious and true to oneself when dealing with complex situations. In summary, using Canva and Helix Sleep can help individuals and teams create content and sleep better, respectively. The personal stories shared during the discussion added depth and relatability to the conversation.

    • Navigating First-Time Sex: Unique Experiences and EmotionsCommunication and respect are crucial during first-time sex experiences. Everyone's experience is unique, and it's normal to feel uncomfortable or unsure. Approach the situation with care and support each other's emotions.

      Having sex for the first time can be a complex and emotional experience. The speaker in this conversation initially felt uncomfortable with the idea of losing her virginity to someone who wasn't in a relationship with her, fearing being used. However, she later changed her mind and tried to be supportive and gentle with her partner, who was also a virgin. Unfortunately, the experience ended up being traumatizing for both of them due to the partner's stage fright and subsequent illness. It's important to remember that everyone's experience with sex is unique and that it's okay to feel uncomfortable or unsure. It's also important to communicate openly and honestly with your partner and to approach the situation with care and respect for each other's emotions. Ultimately, the experience may not be perfect, but it's a learning opportunity for both parties to grow and communicate better in future relationships.

    • Clear communication is crucial in romantic situationsBeing direct about feelings and clear in communication can prevent confusion and awkwardness in romantic encounters.

      Communication is key in navigating complicated romantic situations. The speaker shared an experience of a weird and awkward encounter with someone they had feelings for, which ended up in a lack of clarity and confusion. They also recalled their first sexual experience and how the anticipation and pressure made the situation uncomfortable. These experiences highlight the importance of clear communication and being direct about one's feelings. The speaker also emphasized the importance of not downplaying or watering down one's message when expressing feelings to someone. Overall, the conversation underscores the importance of open and honest communication in romantic relationships.

    • Navigating Complex RelationshipsEffective communication and understanding expectations are crucial in complex relationships. Be open, honest, and willing to learn and grow together.

      Communication is key in navigating complex relationships. The speakers in this conversation are unsure about the status of their relationship and are struggling to express their feelings and desires to each other. Ineffective communication and conflicting expectations have led to confusion and discomfort. To move forward, they could try having an open and honest conversation about their feelings and intentions, and consider exploring the possibility of adding romance and intimacy to their existing friendship. It's important to remember that relationships are about growth and learning, and that it's okay not to have all the answers right now. The key is to approach the situation with patience, understanding, and a willingness to listen and learn from each other.

    • Expressing Feelings in a RelationshipBeing open and vulnerable with your partner is crucial for deepening the connection and avoiding feelings of being stuck in a gray area. Try proposing a date as a low-pressure way to explore feelings.

      Expressing your feelings to someone can be scary, but it's necessary for growth and moving forward in a relationship. The speaker in this conversation is hesitant to tell her partner how she feels due to fear of rejection and being in a limbo stage. However, continuing to prioritize each other and expressing love and care can help clarify the relationship and potentially lead to something more intimate. The idea of proposing a date as a first step towards expressing feelings was suggested as a low-pressure way to explore the relationship further. Ultimately, being open and vulnerable with your partner is essential for deepening the connection and avoiding feelings of being stuck in a gray area.

    • Expressing feelings confidently in relationshipsBeing clear and confident in expressing emotions can help build a stronger connection and foster mutual understanding.

      Effective communication is key in navigating relationships, especially when one partner is unsure of their feelings. Articulating your feelings confidently and directly, while being willing to face rejection, can help guide the other person and clarify the relationship dynamics. It's important to give the other person space to respond and not put undue pressure on the situation. If rejection occurs, it's essential to handle it calmly and respectfully, allowing for the possibility of future growth in the relationship. Overall, being clear and confident in expressing your emotions can help build a stronger connection and foster mutual understanding.

    • Effective communication in relationshipsExpress feelings confidently, share emotions, set boundaries, remember opportunities for growth, and use effective products like Lume deodorant for confidence

      Effective communication is crucial in relationships. Regardless of gender roles, it's essential for both parties to express their feelings confidently and clearly. Being vulnerable and sharing emotions can help set boundaries and establish expectations. It's also important to remember that rejection or initial disinterest doesn't necessarily mean the end of the relationship. Instead, it may be an opportunity for growth and self-discovery. Additionally, using safe and effective products like Lume deodorant can help individuals feel confident and fresh in various situations. By communicating openly and taking care of oneself, individuals can build strong and fulfilling relationships.

    • Discovering Effective Alternatives: Lume Deodorant and Article FurnitureLume deodorant keeps body odor at bay for 72 hours, while Article offers affordable, high-quality furniture with fast shipping.

      Lume deodorant effectively controls body odor for up to 72 hours, making it a clinically proven alternative to daily showering. This aluminum, baking soda, and paraben-free product is safe for use below the belt and is currently offering a special discount for new customers. Meanwhile, Article is a go-to source for high-quality, affordable furniture with a wide selection and fast shipping. During the conversation, the topic of deciphering potential romantic cues came up. It was mentioned that an old friend, whom the speaker had not seen in 10 years, might have been flirting at a recent wedding. However, the friend has a reputation for being a flirt and the interaction could have just been part of an inside joke. The speaker was unsure and seeking advice. While the discussion around Lume and Article provided valuable information, the key takeaway is the effectiveness and convenience of Lume deodorant and the accessibility and affordability of Article's furniture offerings.

    • Expressing romantic intentionsIf unsure about someone's feelings, be clear and direct to avoid confusion and move forward or move on.

      If you're unsure about someone's feelings towards you and you're interested in pursuing a romantic relationship, it's important to be clear and direct in expressing your intentions. The speaker in this conversation had been unsure about whether a guy was flirting with her or just being friendly at a wedding. She had spent the night trying to read the situation and was confused about whether to pursue a potential relationship or just remain friends. However, it became clear during the conversation that her primary interest was in pursuing a romantic connection. The advice given was to be clear and direct in expressing her feelings, rather than trying to be friends if that wasn't what she truly wanted. The stakes were low, and the potential for rejection or disappointment were minimal. By being clear and direct, she would either move forward in the relationship or move on, without creating unnecessary confusion or awkwardness among mutual friends.

    • Being confident and clear in communication can be attractiveConfidently proposing plans and expressing interest can be more desirable than vague or indirect language. Flirting can be a turn-on, but make sure the other person is comfortable. Rejection is normal, focus on moving forward.

      Expressing confidence and making clear intentions when reaching out to someone can come across as more desirable and attractive. Instead of using vague or indirect language, be confident and straightforward when proposing plans or expressing interest. For example, instead of saying "let's grab a drink if you're free," try "let's grab a drink this weekend." Additionally, being flirty or expressing attraction can be a turn-on, but it's important to make sure the other person is on the same page and comfortable with the level of flirtation. Lastly, remember that rejection is a normal part of the process and not a personal failure. Instead of dwelling on it, focus on moving forward and making plans with friends or enjoying a quiet night in.

    • Appreciation for tender and emotional stories shared by the hostsThe hosts, Eli and Nick, shared their gratitude for listeners' engagement and discussed Eli's upcoming book release, encouraging support for local bookstores.

      Learning from this episode of The Vyle Files is the appreciation for tender and emotional stories shared by the hosts, Eli and Nick. They expressed their gratitude for Eli's listeners and their sweet engagement with the podcast. The episode was particularly tender, and they acknowledged that not all episodes are this way, as some contain more dramatic stories. Eli's upcoming book, "I Didn't Know I Needed This," was a topic of discussion, with its release date set for December 12th with HarperCollins. The hosts encouraged listeners to support local bookstores and preorder the book. Eli's social media handles and podcast, "Miss Congeniality," were also mentioned. The episode concluded with a teaser for the next episode, featuring Izzy's return to discuss his relationship status with Stacy after his heartbreak on Love is Blind. The hosts hinted that the answers to burning questions about their relationship would be shocking. Listeners were encouraged to send in questions for the "ask Nick" segment and tune in tomorrow for another episode of reality recap.

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    02:11:38 - More Perfect Match
    02:13:39 - Outro

    The Viall Files
    enJune 25, 2024

    E766 Ask Nick - He’s Choosing His Family

    E766 Ask Nick - He’s Choosing His Family

    Welcome back to another episode of The Viall Files: Ask Nick Edition! We start off the episode by responding to our previous Ask Nick’s comments. Then we get to our callers… 

    Our first caller is wondering if she should tell a coworker about his girlfriend’s affair. Our second caller feels like her boyfriend goes mute around her family. And, our third caller wants to move, but her boyfriend wants to stay close to his family. 

    “You’re literally talking to a version of your boyfriend right now”

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    Please make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode and as always send in your relationship questions to asknick@theviallfiles.com to be a part of our Monday episodes. 

    To Order Nick’s Book Go To: https://www.viallfiles.com 

    If you would like to get some texting advice, send an email to asknick@theviallfiles.com with “Texting Office Hours” in the subject line! 

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    The Viall Files
    enJune 24, 2024

    E765 RR - Perfect Match w/ Stevan, Brian Baumgartner, Love Island, Gypsy Rose, & Justin Timberlake Arrest

    E765 RR - Perfect Match w/ Stevan, Brian Baumgartner, Love Island, Gypsy Rose, & Justin Timberlake Arrest

    Welcome back to The Viall Files: Reality Recap.

    This is a fun episode! Brian Baugartner, from the Office, joins us to talk all things barbecue and build his perfect reality tv cast. Meanwhile, Stevan Ditter from Perfect Match zooms in to talk all things drama in the villa… How was his experience? How is he with Alara? What is he doing now? 

    “We have to ask you, did he kiss Melinda?” 

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    Please make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode and as always send in your relationship questions to asknick@theviallfiles.com to be a part of our Monday episodes. 

    Listen To Disrespectfully now!

    Listen on Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/disrespectfully/id1516710301

    Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0J6DW1KeDX6SpoVEuQpl7z?si=c35995a56b8d4038

    Watch on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCh8MqSsiGkfJcWhkan0D0w

    To Order Nick’s Book Go To: http://www.viallfiles.com 

    If you would like to get some texting advice on Office Hours send an email to asknick@theviallfiles.com with “Texting Office Hours” in the subject line!

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    Timestamps:
    00:00 - Intro
    02:59 - Household Headlines
    07:40 - Rihanna
    09:46 - Stay At Home GF
    13:33 - Icks
    17:46 - Filming
    18:37 - Proposals
    24:13 - 90 Day Fiance
    27:19 - Gypsy Rose
    29:19 - Clayton
    32:33 - Love Island
    42:02 - Welcome Brian
    01:03:26 - Getting Grilled
    01:11:40 - TikTok
    01:13:33 - Build Your Burger
    01:24:40 - Reality TV
    01:28:45 - Book Promo
    01:33:03 - The Office
    01:35:29 - Perfect Match
    01:36:50 - Stevan
    01:56:51 - Perfect Match Final Thoughts
    02:03:09 - Outro

     

    The Viall Files
    enJune 20, 2024

    E764 RR - Summer House, Perfect Match w/ Elys, Bach Bios, Kenya Moore Suspended, and RHONJ

    E764 RR - Summer House, Perfect Match w/ Elys, Bach Bios, Kenya Moore Suspended, and RHONJ

    Welcome back to reality recap. Today we start off with Nick’s first Father’s Day. Then we get to our drama: Kenya Moore being indefinitely suspended from the current season of RHOA, Football Player, Isaiah Bugs being arrested AGAIN, and Lindsay Hubbard being grilled at the Summer House Reunion Part 2. Meanwhile, Elys Hutchinson from Perfect Match joins us to talk about her experience on the show!

    “you know what? I was wrong.”

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    Please make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode and as always send in your relationship questions to asknick@theviallfiles.com to be a part of our Monday episodes.

    To Order Nick’s Book Go To: http://www.viallfiles.com 

    If you would like to get some texting advice send an email to asknick@theviallfiles.com with “Texting Office Hours” in the subject line!

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    Timestamps:
    00:00 - Intro
    02:55 - Father’s Day
    08:11 - Housekeeping
    11:40 - RHOA
    19:38 - Football
    22:03 - Bachelor Credit
    23:04 - Red Lobster
    30:33 - The Apprentice
    43:28 - Jenn’s Men
    01:08:55 - Picking Noses
    01:14:59 - Summerhouse
    01:33:39 - Perfect Match
    01:40:19 - Elys Joins
    02:02:19 - More Perfect Match
    02:06:20 - RHONJ
    02:11:46 - Outro

    The Viall Files
    enJune 18, 2024

    E763 Ask Nick - Flirting With an NHL Player

    E763 Ask Nick - Flirting With an NHL Player

    Welcome back to another episode of The Viall Files: Ask Nick Edition! We start off the episode by addressing your gentle parenting responses and diving into the ideal dating expectations of men. Then we get to our callers… 

    Our first caller wants to shoot her shot with a professional athlete. Our second caller is back with her ex, and is afraid to tell her parents. Finally, our third caller is thriving in her occupational industry but is afraid it turns off the men she’s dating.

    “As a woman who’s very successful and passionate about her career, that should never feel like a negative for you”

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    Please make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode and as always send in your relationship questions to asknick@theviallfiles.com to be a part of our Monday episodes. 

    To Order Nick’s Book Go To: https://www.viallfiles.com 

    If you would like to get some texting advice, send an email to asknick@theviallfiles.com with “Texting Office Hours” in the subject line! 

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    THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS:

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    The Viall Files
    enJune 17, 2024

    E762 GD w/ West Wilson - Summer House, Girlcode, Sleep Training, and Perfect Match with Tolú

    E762 GD w/ West Wilson - Summer House, Girlcode, Sleep Training, and Perfect Match with Tolú

    Welcome back to The Viall Files: Going Deeper, with Summer House’ West Wilson. 

    To start things out, we invite Tolú Ekundare from Netflix’s Perfect Match… She shares her experience matching with Izzy Zapata, Dom Gabriel, and Chris Hahn. Then we get to our interview with West. How was his first season? Who does he still talk to? Does he regret his relationship with Ciara?

    “When someone shows you who they are, believe it.” 

     Start your 7 Day Free Trial of Viall Files + here: https://viallfiles.supportingcast.fm/ 

     Please make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode and as always send in your relationship questions to asknick@theviallfiles.com to be a part of our Monday episodes.

    Listen To Disrespectfully now!

    Listen on Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/disrespectfully/id1516710301

    Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0J6DW1KeDX6SpoVEuQpl7z?si=c35995a56b8d4038

    Watch on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCh8MqSsiGkfJcWhkan0D0w

    To Order Nick’s Book Go To: http://www.viallfiles.com 

    If you would like to get some texting advice on Office Hours send an email to asknick@theviallfiles.com with “Texting Office Hours” in the subject line!

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    Timestamps:
    00:00 - Intro
    05:48 - Household Headlines
    12:23 - Love Island
    17:57 - Summerhouse Drama
    21:05 - Captain Lee
    25:39 - Sleep Training
    31:08 - Age
    34:28 - Tolú Interview
    57:10 - Feedback
    01:10:22 - West Interview
    01:17:01 - New To Bravo
    01:19:55 - Saying Weird Things
    01:21:35 - Bachelor
    01:22:37 - Selfie
    01:30:54 - Your Heart
    01:43:15 - Love Languages
    01:50:26 - Dads
    01:54:12 - Team Carl
    01:59:55 - Her Take
    02:04:27 - Open
    02:14:39 - TOH
    02:30:00 - What Is Next
    02:32:52 - Ciara
    02:48:04 - Sports
    02:48:45 - Off Your Chest
    02:49:28 - Coming on ViFi
    02:53:59 - Outro

     

    The Viall Files
    enJune 13, 2024

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