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    EP.46 - SQUID GAME THEORIES, BANSHINSABA URBAN LEGEND, PARANORMAL ACTIVITY STORY

    enOctober 17, 2021

    Podcast Summary

    • Shopping at Kroger: Delicious Options, Everyday Low Prices, and Savings OpportunitiesKroger offers a wide range of affordable and delicious food options, along with savings opportunities, making it a top choice for mealtime inspiration.

      Shopping at Kroger offers a vast selection of over 30,000 delicious options, along with everyday low prices and various savings opportunities, making it a worthwhile choice for mealtime inspiration. Additionally, the entertainment world is currently buzzing about the popular series "Squid Game," which has gained viral popularity for its unique concept and captivating performances, particularly from its leading actress, Sae Byeok. Despite the intense pressure and scrutiny that comes with fame, many are drawn to the allure of attention and success. However, it's important to remember that with great power comes great responsibility, and the price of fame includes dealing with negative criticism and public scrutiny.

    • Comparing cyberbullying to childhood experiences of exclusionRecognize that while feelings of exclusion from social media and childhood experiences may share similarities, the source of the pain can differ. Focus on building self-worth and resilience to navigate both situations.

      Our attachment to social media and the fear of being left out or judged online can feel like a recurring experience from childhood, such as being the last pick in a game. While the comparison between cyberbullying and being the last pick might not be perfect, both situations can lead to feelings of exclusion and low self-esteem. However, it's essential to recognize that the source of the pain can differ. While being the last pick is about skill, cyberbullying often stems from character judgments. It's crucial to remember that social media is a mind game, and it's all about perception. People may cast spells or pray for success, while others may try to bring you down. Ultimately, it's essential to focus on building a strong sense of self-worth and resilience, regardless of the judgments or opinions of others.

    • Nostalgia for the Intensity of Old-School BoxingNostalgia for the communal spirit and raw energy of old-school boxing matches, as seen in the speaker's fond memories and imagination during Squid Game.

      The camaraderie and energy of the old-school boxing matches, with corners filled with supporters, creates a unique and intense atmosphere that is different from modern boxing. The speaker fondly remembers this experience and even imagines being in someone's corner during a high school fight. In games like Squid Game, the speaker believes they could outsmart opponents by taking off clothing and using it as a defense, as well as using their jacket as a flail for distance. An intriguing theory suggests that all the deaths in Squid Game were foreshadowed earlier in the episodes through subtle clues. The speaker provides examples of how the characters' fates in the real world mirrored their deaths in the game.

    • Surprising twists and intricate details in Squid GameSquid Game's unexpected plot twists and intricate details add depth and suspense, with potential connections to other fictional worlds.

      That the intricately planned details in the Netflix series "Squid Game" add depth and excitement to the viewing experience. Sang Woo's unexpected escape and the reveal of the game creator being an old man were surprising twists that made the story more engaging. The omission of showing the bullet hitting its target implies the character's survival, adding suspense. The theory of young orphaned children being raised as game staff is plausible based on the worker's mask reveal. Furthermore, the possibility of multiple "Squid Games" around the world, each with its unique rules, adds to the show's intrigue. The connection between various games, such as Hunger Games and Alice in Borderland, could make for intriguing future storylines. Overall, the attention to detail and potential interconnectedness of these fictional worlds make for an immersive and captivating viewing experience.

    • Childhood Games and Intense CompetitionThe simplicity of childhood games can lead to high stakes and intense competition, as seen in the global success of Squid Game.

      The simplicity of childhood games, despite their basic rules, can still lead to high stakes and intense competition. The speaker reminisced about various games they played as a child in Canada, such as Red Ass, hopscotch, Manhunt, and Pokemon cards. They noted that while some games required proper execution to be played correctly, others, like Squid Game, could result in elimination with just one mistake. The speaker also commented on the global popularity of Squid Game, which has become a cultural phenomenon, particularly in Asia, surpassing shows like Stranger Things in viewership. This success can be attributed to the fact that the show resonates with a large demographic of the world, as Asian mainstream media often has a distinct fan base compared to American media. Childhood games and simple, yet intense competition continue to captivate audiences, as seen in the global success of Squid Game.

    • Trends in plastic surgery and body modifications can lead to unfashionable alterationsTrends change, and what was once popular may no longer fit societal norms, leaving individuals with permanent alterations that may cause self-consciousness

      The trend of plastic surgery and body modifications, such as tattoos, in various cultures, including Korea and the United States, can lead to individuals undergoing procedures that become unfashionable over time. For instance, Mark Lee, a K-pop industry figure, is rumored to have clones due to his busy schedule, but it might also be explained by the common practice of plastic surgery in Korea. However, the downside of such modifications is that trends change, and what was once popular may fall out of favor, leaving individuals with permanent alterations that no longer fit societal norms. For example, the popularity of tribal tattoos in the early 2000s has waned, and some people who got them during that time may feel self-conscious about their choices. Makeup and other non-permanent methods offer more flexibility for individuals to adapt to changing trends. Ultimately, it's essential to consider the potential long-term consequences before making permanent modifications to one's body.

    • The significance of personal choices and beliefs in tattoosRegardless of societal trends, the meaning and sentimental value behind a tattoo are what truly matter. Personal choices and beliefs play a crucial role in the decision to get a tattoo, whether it's for deep cultural significance or a confidence-boosting temporary design.

      The meaning and sentimental value behind a tattoo are what truly matter, regardless of societal trends or the opinions of others. The speaker shares their personal journey from being against tattoos to wanting to get one with deep cultural significance. They also mention the protective and possessive aspects of certain tattoos, such as the Thai Sakiya tattoo, which involves a ritual and the belief of being blessed or even possessed by a deity. The speaker also touches upon the topic of temporary tattoos and their confidence-boosting effects. Overall, the conversation highlights the significance of personal choices and beliefs when it comes to body art.

    • Unexplained phenomena can be caused by seemingly ordinary objects, but require a trusted partner for understanding.When dealing with unexplained phenomena, it's important to have a knowledgeable and supportive partner to help navigate the experience and evaluate authenticity.

      Sometimes, unexplained phenomena can be attributed to seemingly ordinary objects, but it's important to have a trusted partner to help navigate such experiences. In the discussed case, a pinata was believed to be causing paranormal activity in a store based on its erratic behavior. However, after removing the pinata, the activity only intensified. The store owner then sought the help of a shaman, who revealed that the source of the disturbance was something more profound and required a deeper understanding and resolution. This incident underscores the importance of having a knowledgeable and supportive partner when dealing with the unknown. Additionally, the authenticity of paranormal experiences and footage should be carefully evaluated before drawing conclusions.

    • Interfering with the unknown can have dangerous consequencesBeing cautious and informed before engaging with the supernatural can prevent dangerous and unintended consequences

      Interfering with the unknown can have dangerous and unintended consequences. This was discussed in relation to a potential connection between various horror movies, including "The Conjuring" and "La Llorona." In these stories, taking an object that wasn't meant to be disturbed led to supernatural entities becoming active and causing chaos. The speakers emphasized the importance of respecting the unknown and avoiding interference. They also acknowledged the potential for these events to have far-reaching consequences, even across different parts of the world. For example, they mentioned the cursed road in Korea and the Black Plague in Europe as historical examples of the dangers of disturbing the unknown. The speakers emphasized the importance of being cautious and informed before engaging with the supernatural.

    • The power of our beliefs and fearsOur beliefs and fears can significantly impact our experiences, even when there's no tangible evidence. Managing them can prevent unnecessary anxiety and stress.

      Our beliefs and fears can significantly impact our experiences, even when there may be no tangible evidence to support them. For instance, the fear of encountering paranormal entities can be so powerful that it can manifest as real experiences, as shared in the conversation about hearing strange noises while doing household chores or seeing apparitions in broad daylight. However, it's essential to note that these experiences may be more a result of our imagination and fear than actual supernatural phenomena. Additionally, people who don't believe in ghosts or other paranormal entities seem to be less affected by such fears, likely because they don't entertain such thoughts. Overall, the discussion highlights the power of our minds and the importance of managing our fears and beliefs to prevent unnecessary anxiety and stress.

    • Observing Unexplained Phenomena and Urban LegendsStay observant and aware of surroundings to notice unexplained phenomena, be cautious in elevators, and protect personal belongings from pickpocketing scams.

      The world around us may hold unexplained phenomena if we pay closer attention. This was exemplified in a story shared about a man seen doing a Spider-Man pose on a tombstone in a cemetery. The speaker was surprised by this discovery and believed that similar occurrences might be happening unnoticed. The discussion also touched on the fear of elevators and urban legends surrounding them. It was suggested that being in an elevator, especially alone, could make one vulnerable, leading to the importance of being aware of one's surroundings. Additionally, the topic of pickpocketing scams was brought up, emphasizing the need to stay vigilant and protect personal belongings. Overall, the conversation underscored the significance of being observant and cautious in our daily lives.

    • The power of human connections in manipulationPeople are easily manipulated when they feel a strong sense of relatability and connection, but not all intentions are malicious.

      People are easily manipulated when they feel a strong sense of relatability and connection. This was evident in a personal story shared about encountering a shoe cleaner who made the person feel like they were friends, leading to a purchase. However, the seller didn't truly care about the person's well-being, only their money. This dynamic is similar to the character Sangwoo in Squid Game, who manipulated others to win. Smart people, when put in desperate situations, can become dangerous. But, it's crucial to remember that not everyone has a malicious intent, and some people may struggle with betraying others, especially when they've shared personal stories. Ultimately, when survival is at stake, anything goes. It's a tough reality to accept, but it's essential to understand the power of human connections and the potential consequences of exploiting them.

    • The Timeless Appeal of Violence in MediaPeople have been drawn to violent media for centuries, with some arguing for its poetic or romantic aspects, while others suggest desensitization prepares us for real-life situations.

      Despite the ongoing discussions about canceling violent media and culture, people continue to enjoy and be drawn to it. Violence in media, whether in movies, video games, or literature, has been a part of human entertainment for centuries, and it seems that its appeal is timeless. Some argue that there's a poetic or romantic aspect to violence, as seen in classic works of literature like those of William Shakespeare. Others suggest that the desensitization to violence through media might be preparing us for potential real-life situations. Ultimately, the debate around the role and impact of violent media is complex and multifaceted, but one thing is clear: it continues to captivate audiences and spark intense discussions.

    • Effectively spreading messages through popular mediaUsing movies and TV shows to reach a wider audience with important messages, like communication skills or family values, can be impactful and memorable.

      Incorporating important messages into popular media, such as movies and television, can effectively reach a wider audience without worrying about viewership numbers. This method can be compared to using subtle tricks or techniques in everyday life. For instance, during high school, the speaker used to watch romantic comedies to improve communication skills, despite their cringeworthy nature. The entertainment industry caters to the demand, and successful franchises, like "To All the Boys I've Loved Before," can extend their storylines to meet audience expectations. However, a good message at the end of a movie can leave a lasting impact, as seen in "Squid Game," where the winner's newfound wealth did not bring happiness. Another intriguing theory about "Squid Game" suggests that the old man, Gi-hun's opponent, may have orchestrated the entire competition to find his long-lost son, Ji-hoon. This theory adds depth to the story, emphasizing the importance of family and the lengths one might go to protect or reunite with loved ones.

    • Netflix's 'Squid Game' and the Main Character's Tragic MotivationThe main character's desire to help his sick mother fuels the story, but his failure to do so leads to tragic consequences. Potential theories suggest a second season with Jennie, and the significance of red and blue colors in the game.

      That in the Netflix series "Squid Game," the main character's desire to help his sick mother drives the story, and his inability to do so in time leads to tragic consequences. The potential for a second season with Jennie from Blackpink as a replacement character raised questions about the direction of the story, and some theories suggest that the main character may return as a staff member in a potential new storyline. Another detail discussed was the significance of the colors red and blue in the game, with the staff being red and players being blue, and the main character's decision to dye his hair red potentially hinting at a return to the games as a staff member. Overall, the conversation revolved around the potential for a second season and various theories about the story's direction.

    • Inspired by the 2008 economic depression, Squid Game explores deeper meanings and resonates with viewers on multiple levels.Squid Game's success comes from its relatable storytelling and engaging, thought-provoking games that present life-or-death situations.

      Creating art, especially when it resonates with a global audience, requires careful consideration to preserve its original impact. The director of Squid Game drew inspiration from the 2008 economic depression, and the show's deep themes and relatability are what set it apart from other casual good movies. Squid Game's simple yet intense games, while not physically violent, still present life-or-death situations, making it an engaging and thought-provoking masterpiece. The show's success lies in its storytelling and relatability, as it explores deeper meanings and resonates with viewers on multiple levels.

    • Squid Game's Complex Strategies and Potential PlayStation ConnectionThe unpredictable nature of Squid Game's challenges and potential PlayStation references add depth to the show's themes of survival and corporate influence.

      While the rules of the Hunger Games may seem basic, the unpredictability and variety of games in Squid Game make it more strategically complex. There's a theory suggesting that Squid Game could be a subtle advertisement for PlayStation, with elements like the triangle, circle, and square symbols reminding viewers of the PlayStation controller. The use of Sony Xperia phones in the show further supports this theory, as Sony is the company behind PlayStation. These connections may be intentional or not, but they add an interesting layer to the show's themes of games, survival, and corporate influence.

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    What is emotional blackmail? The structure of emotional blackmail begins with a demand, followed by pressure to fulfill the request, and finally, being threatened with punishing consequences. The threat can be blatant or subtle. Subtle threats come in the form of pouting, sulking, passive aggressive comments, while blatant threats are overtly articulated consequences of ‘if ____, then ____’.

    FOG: Emotional blackmail, although incredibly powerful and hurtful, can become normalized by both the receiver, and the doer.  Another way to know if you may be being emotionally blackmailed is to check in on if you feel as though you are in a fog. FOG stands for Fear, Obligation, and Guilt. These three components cause us to feel overwhelmed and make it so it is difficult to find our way out of an imbalance of power, unable to clearly see the dynamics, and make us have a tendency to comply.

    The Need to Please Disease- When we are vulnerable we have a tendency to rationalize unhealthy and unloving treatment in an effort to protect ourselves from further guilt and fear. We can end up giving in, no matter the price, just so that the other person is not angry with us. The lethality and toxicity of constant giving in accumulates until the person who is the target of emotional blackmail becomes depressed and angry, and internalizes this to become self-hatred.

    Water wearing down the rock: Constant compromise and giving in to something and someone that does not feel aligned with your own needs and desires can wear you down. Like water wearing down the boulder, you become the pebble- a smaller version of yourself. By having the courage to look at what is really happening in the dynamic, you will find opportunities for change and growth.

    Stand up for your own truth.  Everyone is terrified of other people’s anger and retaliation- this is a core fear that goes back into childhood for many. Despite anger being such a powerful force, there are behavioral strategies that help equalize the balance of power and help you become more assertive and self-protective. It takes courage to stand up for your own truth, however it is worth it.

    Honest look at ourselves. None of us are immune or exempt from being emotional blackmailers ourselves. Take time to look at your own patterns around getting others to do what you want. How do you handle when someone disagrees with you, or doesn’t want what you want? Do you plead? Coax? Get pouty? Become punitive? Do you punish through withholding things or love? Do you take their denial personally and as a threat to the relationship itself? Do you say things like “If you really loved me you would…” Or “if you really cared about us you would…” We are all guilty of some of these at times, and the question is not if, but rather to what degree and how often?

    Admit and Acknowledge: Do you feel like you have been emotionally blackmailing someone? Begin by labeling your behavior as such. Then, find the courage and humility to sit down and tell the person you are bullying that you are aware of your actions. Naming and sharing this goes a long way. Admitting and acknowledging is a way of fessing up and owning your actions and it creates a climate of much greater safety. With this safety healing and repair can begin. Saying sorry will not be enough however. You will have to show the person you have hurt that you are ready to own your actions through behavioral changes over time. And elicit their help! Ask the person you have hurt what they need from you to feel safer, and more trusting. Find ways together to move forward, and stay open to getting counseling!

    Admitting and acknowledging is a two way street! It is important to look at your own responsibility and behavior as the compliant one as well. Read through the following checklist to find out if you are a target of emotional blackmail:

    -       I tell myself that giving in is no big deal

    -       I tell myself that giving in is worth it to get other person to quiet down/calm down

    -       I tell myself that what I want is wrong

    -       I tell myself that it is not worth the hassle- I’ll give in now and take a stand later

    -       I tell myself that it is better to give in then to hurt their feelings

    -       I don’t stand up for myself

    -       I give away my power

    -       I do things to please other people and get confused about what I want

    -       I acquiesce

    -       I give up people and activities I care about to please the other person

    Yes to the above? Don’t wait for the other person to change. Do the above statements resonate with you? If so, it is time to look inside and find the courage to make changes yourself. Find the emotional maturity and empowered stance to stop the victim/blame cycle by realizing that you do not need to put yourself second any longer. Be willing to look to your past to see if complacency is an automatic, inherited, or learned behavior that began in your childhood. Be willing to take the reins in your own hands and set limits and boundaries. You have just as much responsibility as the blackmailer to change the dynamic, and you have just as much right as the other person to have your needs met. This can be a difficult and daunting shift in perspective for anyone who has a history of abuse as it brings up true fear and guilt around displeasing people- reach out for support when needed!

    Negotiating for a healthier relationship. We all have choices when a relationship goes off the track. We can accept things the way they are, we can negotiate for a healthier relationship, or worst comes to worst you can end the relationship. That said, there are strategies, communication skills, and behavioral changes that are worth trying in an effort to shift the dynamics before giving in more, or giving up.  

    Feeling your fear: Shifting yourself out of an emotional blackmail situation requires the willingness to tolerate the discomfort of displeasing someone, and often this can bring up fears. Many of our fears are old feelings that we mistake as coming from current events. We confuse our past with the present, and so when we get hurt we react in accordance with prior experiences. We will do nearly anything to protect ourselves from our fear of other people’s anger. Differentiating the present from the past will leave you with more confidence and many more choices for ways to react. Help yourself see that you are now an adult, no longer hopeless or dependent, and that your past does not need to dictate your experience any longer. From this knowing, ask yourself ‘what is the worst thing that can happen?’ Then believe you have the courage and resilience inside to handle this. Lastly, it comes down to allowing yourself to feel fear, and being with it.

    *NOTE: There are certain situations and people where the fear is very warranted. If the person emotionally blackmailing you is completely locked into their angry defensive way of being, then you must ask yourself if it is really worth it or possible to work with them. Listen to your fear in these situations as it may be protecting you from true threat.

    Be with your guilt: Guilt, along with fear, is often the major contributor to complacency. The fear of guilt itself is a powerful force. Realize that you can tolerate the guilt- no one died from guilt! Your dignity, self-respect, and health will all thank you for addressing this. Have a talk with your discomfort- take a close look and ask yourself the following questions:

    -Is what I did or want to do malicious?

    -Is what I did or want to do cruel?

    -Is what I did or want to do abusive?

    -Is what I did or want to do insulting?

    -Is what I did or want to do belittling?

    -Is what I did or want to do demeaning?

    -Is what I did or want to do truly harmful?

    If you answer no to these questions, then there is nothing to be guilty of. That is not to say that changing your behavior won’t be uncomfortable, but you can begin to redefine the discomfort as a sign of growth and change!

    Do it and the feelings will show up! Many people incorrectly assume that they need to feel stronger before they can take steps and make changes in reaction to emotional blackmail. This is not true! As you begin to shift to a new set of behaviors, the sense of empowerment will follow. Others may be shocked by your changes, and have strong reactions. Allow for this and do not take it on! It may not feel great at first, and that is OKAY.

    How to de-escalate the conflict: Blackmail thrives on conflict and escalation, and pushing one person lower and lower on the power structure. A natural tendency when we are emotionally attached is to get defensive, however defensiveness breeds defensiveness. If you can find non-defensive responses, the emotional blackmailer will no longer be able to attack and you WILL shift the dynamic. This requires learning to protect yourself, versus defending yourself. Doing so requires non-defensive communication skills. For example, try saying “I am sure you see it that way, and you are entitled to your feelings, however I am not willing to have this conversation now, let's talk about it when you are calmer…” Other non-defensive communications that can shift the other person’s resistance and defensiveness sound like:

    “Can we talk about why this is so important to you?”

    “Will you help me understand?”

    “It is not acceptable for you to continually make me feel guilty and scared- how can we work together to find a way to get your needs met in a way that doesn’t compromise mine?”

    “I feel as though you are pushing me and our relationship to the edge of a cliff and I don’t know if you are taking me seriously when I say I am not happy. I want to find ways together to solve our problems and conflicts in a way that doesn’t leave one of us feeling emotionally battered- can we talk about this?”

    “I am not willing to live this way any more, I need to be treated with respect and caring and want to find ways to make us both feel safer and more loved”

    “You could be right, however I am feeling…”

    Stop! And take a breath. Next time you are asked to do something you are not okay with, first thing to do is to STOP. Take a breath. This immediately pulls you out of your habitual pattern and away from the automatic reaction. Instead of saying yes, or no, say “I am not able to make this decision right now, I need to think about this. I’ll get back to you- but I need some time to figure out how I am really feeling about this”. This stance will allow you to calm down, garner your strength, and have the time necessary to connect with yourself beyond the fear and guilt. A healthy decision is made when we are able to balance and check in with both our intellect and our emotions- this takes time. Putting things back on your own timeline will make for your ability to be in your integrity and this will inevitably shift the power structure!

    Resources

    Find out more about Susan Forward's work at her website

    Email Susan at susanforward6@aol.com  if you are interested in phone consultations- she responds to each email personally!

    www.neilsattin.com/blackmail Visit to download the show guide, or text “PASSION” to 33444 and follow the instructions to download the show guide to this episode with Susan Forward!

    Our Relationship Alive Community on Facebook

    Amazing intro/outro music graciously provided courtesy of:

    The Railsplitters - Check them Out

    Ep 142: Morgana Robinson

    Ep 142: Morgana Robinson

    Taskmaster champion and award-winning comedy actor Morgana Robinson is next on the bookings list. But who let the stray dogs out?


    Morgana Robinson stars in Newark Newark which is on Mondays at 9pm on Gold. Watch here.


    Follow Morgana on Instagram @morgana_robinson.


    Recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.

    Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design) and Amy Browne (illustrations).


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