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    Esther Perel ON: Finding Love & the Real Reason Couples Break Up

    enJuly 12, 2021

    Podcast Summary

    • Enjoying Summer with IKEA and Creating a Great Work Environment with UKGIKEA's outdoor essentials make summer enjoyable and affordable. UKG's HR, pay, time, and culture solutions help create a great work environment.

      Summer can be more enjoyable and affordable with IKEA's outdoor essentials. While individuals spend approximately 90,000 hours working in their lifetime, it's essential to prioritize creating a great work environment with UKG's HR, pay, time, and culture solutions. At CVS Health, healthier living is happening in various ways, including wellness destinations, virtual care, in-home evaluations, and mental health services. To effectively request something without causing a protest, communicate what you want without criticizing the other person. Esther Perel, a renowned psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author, emphasizes the importance of understanding relationships and offers insights through her books, TED talks, and podcasts.

    • The importance of connections in life and their impact during quarantineRecognizing the value of relationships during challenging times, while also acknowledging the challenges of maintaining intimacy and passion in long-term commitments.

      Relationships, while bringing great joy, can also cause significant pain in our lives. Esther shares her personal experience of recognizing the importance of connections after experiencing the loss of loved ones during the aftermath of World War 2. During the quarantine and lockdown, relationships have been accelerated, highlighting what truly matters and revealing both strengths and challenges. However, the lack of novelty, exploration, and risk-taking due to the need for security and stability has resulted in the erotic side of relationships being stifled, leaving many feeling drained of life and energy.

    • Setting clear boundaries, maintaining routines, and practicing kindness during times of extreme pressureClearly defining work-life boundaries, sticking to routines, and showing kindness foster strong relationships during uncertain times.

      During times of extreme pressure and uncertainty, such as the ongoing pandemic, effective approaches to relationships involve setting clear boundaries, maintaining routines, and practicing kindness. The loss of boundaries between work and home can create stress, so establishing delineations can help recreate structure and stability. Routines provide a sense of continuity and consistency, while turning routines into rituals adds a special touch. Kindness and civility, rather than striving for perfection, foster a positive and supportive environment in relationships. Examples from various couples under lockdown illustrate the importance of these practices in helping people stay connected and thrive during challenging times.

    • Maintaining clear rituals, routines, and boundaries during isolationEffective communication builds emotional understanding and respect in relationships, creating deep connection.

      During times of isolation, maintaining clear rituals, routines, and boundaries with your partner is crucial for feeling understood and validated. These simple steps can help create awareness of each other's needs and respect for each other's space and work areas. Difficult conversations, rather than showing weakness, actually build strength and trust in a relationship. By having open and honest dialogue, each person can intuit what the other needs and create a sense of deep connection. This relational awareness goes beyond the physical representation of objects like laptops or shoes, and instead focuses on the emotional understanding and respect that comes from effective communication.

    • Dancing the relationship boundary danceEffective communication, self-awareness, and small changes can lead to healthy relationship improvements.

      Every relationship involves establishing boundaries and maintaining a sense of self while connecting with another person. This dance of holding on to oneself and holding on to the other is crucial for a healthy relationship. However, when one partner feels they are doing everything while the other is not responding, it can be disheartening. In such situations, instead of focusing on changing the other person, it's essential to consider how one can change their approach to elicit a different response. This might involve communicating effectively and making requests without criticism or defensiveness. Additionally, summer can be more affordable and enjoyable with the right planning and resources, like IKEA's outdoor furniture and accessories. Overall, the key takeaway is that relationships require effort and self-awareness, and small changes can lead to significant improvements.

    • Supporting gut health and navigating reentry anxietyRecognize when extra support is needed for gut health and social interactions, and take steps to address those needs with reliable supplements and adaptive skills.

      Our gut health, like our driving decisions, can sometimes benefit from external support. Ritual's Synbiotic Plus supplement offers a combination of prebiotics, probiotics, and a postbiotic to help alleviate mild bloating, gas, and diarrhea. It's designed to be gentle on the stomach, making it a reliable choice for gut support regardless of the time of day. Meanwhile, as we navigate the post-pandemic world, many people are experiencing reentry anxiety. This can manifest in various ways, such as feeling overwhelmed by the presence of others, uncertainty about social norms, and difficulty adjusting to embodied interactions. The pandemic has also led to both gains and losses in our social skills. We've become more adept at virtual communication but may have lost some of the finesse that comes with in-person interactions. As we move forward, it's essential to be aware of these changes and adapt accordingly. In essence, whether it's supporting our gut health or reentering the social world, it's crucial to recognize when we need a little extra help and take steps to address those needs.

    • Reconnecting through storytelling gamesDuring social reentry, try storytelling games to deepen conversations, build social threads, and strengthen relationships.

      During times of reentry and social reconnection, people crave deeper and more meaningful conversations. The pandemic has caused a social atrophy, and as we reenter social situations, we are hungrier for human connection and the stories that come with it. The unknown and the unexpected bring a sense of excitement and playfulness, which is why creating a game that reconnects us with our storytelling can be an effective way to build social threads and strengthen relationships. The game, which includes prompt cards with emotional lenses and rules to break, encourages players to share personal stories and build on each other's experiences. By setting an intention and creating a safe and playful environment, we can begin to recreate the social connections that have been lost during the pandemic. If you're interested in trying out the game yourself, you can find it and start playing with your friends and loved ones to reconnect and strengthen your social bonds.

    • Exploring deeper connections through meaningful conversations with Esther Perel's 'Where Should We Begin?' gameEsther Perel's new game encourages curiosity and playfulness, helping people engage in deeper conversations about stories, desires, mistakes, and sexuality, fostering stronger relationships and friendships.

      The "Where Should We Begin?" game, inspired by Esther Perel's podcast, aims to foster deeper connections and reconnections through meaningful conversations. Esther shares her personal fear and the various dimensions of life that the game covers, including stories, desires, mistakes, and sexuality. The game encourages curiosity and playfulness, helping people drop their guards and engage in conversations that can be both fun and thought-provoking. Esther believes that this game can be particularly useful during times of transition, such as returning to work, and can help individuals discover new things about themselves and others. The game is set to be released in June and will be available on Esther's website. The conversations facilitated by the game can help people remain curious in their relationships and friendships, leading to a more playful and engaging approach to conversations.

    • Asking about objects can lead to meaningful conversationsObjects can reveal stories and inspire deeper connections through curiosity and engaging conversations.

      Objects hold stories and can serve as catalysts for meaningful conversations. During a recent interaction, the speaker discovered the significance of asking interesting questions when they inquired about a client's paintbrush hanging on the wall. This simple inquiry led to an engaging conversation that revealed the client's past experiences and inspired a refreshing connection. To encourage similar interactions, the speaker suggests an activity where individuals reflect on objects that represent their thoughts or relationships to sex, death, or money. This exercise can lead to insightful stories and deeper connections, as people share their personal experiences and legacies. The conference on sex, death, and money further emphasized the power of objects in revealing stories and emotions. Overall, the importance of curiosity and meaningful conversations cannot be overstated, and objects can serve as valuable tools in fostering these connections.

    • Sharing Objects Leads to Meaningful Conversations and InsightsCreating, connecting, and focusing on relationships and personal growth can lead to happiness and self-discovery. Approach love intentionally, make the most of summer, and consider herbs for wellness.

      Creativity and connection are essential for personal growth and happiness. During a gathering with friends, bringing an object that represents the most important discovery of the year can lead to meaningful conversations and insights. People have brought objects related to baking, nature, art, and even love, highlighting the importance of creation, imagination, and relationships. Regarding love and relationships, it's crucial to approach them with a thoughtful and intentional mindset rather than rushing into them. The key is to focus on building a strong foundation and taking the time to get to know someone genuinely. Moreover, summer can be an affordable and enjoyable season with the right planning. Companies like IKEA offer affordable outdoor furniture and accessories, making it possible to create a dreamy summer escape at home. Lastly, herbs, such as Ashwagandha, can be game-changers in one's wellness routine, providing mood and stress support. Nature's Way is a trusted source for high-quality herbal supplements, ensuring potency and purity.

    • Love is more than feelingsLove requires effort, values, actions, thoughts, and spiritual dimension beyond just feelings

      Love is more than just a feeling. It's about being the right person and building a life with someone. Love stories may be exciting and infatuating, but they don't necessarily make for a life story. A life story involves more than just feelings – it's about the experiences and challenges that shape us, such as raising children, dealing with illnesses, or migrating to a new country. Love is something that requires effort and cultivation, and it's important to consider not just how we feel, but also our values, actions, thoughts, and spiritual dimension. The emotional truth is just one part of the equation, and neglecting the other parts can lead to an incomplete understanding of our experiences.

    • The Four Horsemen of Relationship FailureCriticism, stonewalling, defensiveness, contempt, complacency, and lack of curiosity are major causes of relationship failure, requiring ongoing effort to address.

      The deepest reasons for relationship failure can be traced back to four key behaviors identified by relationship expert Esther Perel. These behaviors, known as the "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse," include criticism, stonewalling, defensiveness, and contempt. Criticism involves constant negative sentiment and overlooked underlying wishes. Stonewalling makes the other person feel invisible and unheard. Defensiveness results in blame-shifting and refusal to take responsibility. Contempt is the most damaging, as it involves looking down upon and devaluing one's partner, taking away their meaning and sense of importance. Additionally, complacency and lack of curiosity can also contribute to the deterioration of a relationship. It's crucial for couples to remember that these issues don't have simple answers and require ongoing effort to address.

    • Understanding deeper desires in relationshipsRegular communication and check-ins can help prevent misunderstandings and improve relationships, even after infidelity.

      Behind every behavior in a relationship, whether it's criticism, stonewalling, or infidelity, there is a deeper desire or need that may be genuine and necessary. Communication is key to understanding these desires and preventing misunderstandings. The notion that a relationship decision made at a young age lasts unchanged for the rest of one's life is a strange and unrealistic expectation. Infidelity, as a violation of trust, is a common experience that affects many people and can be used to understand modern love and its evolving definitions. By asking for regular check-ins and open communication, partners can improve their relationship and respond effectively to past experiences of infidelity. Additionally, the impact of infidelity extends beyond the couple and can travel through families and communities.

    • Understanding infidelity as a search for selfInfidelity can be a sign of personal growth or a relationship's end. It's important to explore the meaning behind it and prepare for the challenges of moving on.

      Infidelity in a relationship can lead to a profound sense of self-loss and a shattering of the belief in the relationship as a sacred bond. It's important to understand that the affair may not always be about the partner, but rather about the individual's search for lost parts of themselves. The healing process requires understanding the meaning behind the infidelity and exploring options for growth or separation. People often know when it's time to move on, but may need time to prepare internally and externally before making the decision. The process of leaving can be eased by preparing for the practical and emotional challenges that come with it. Ultimately, the goal is to learn from the experience and make a decision that allows for personal growth and happiness.

    • Embrace differences and find humor in conflictsConsider if truth is wise and kind, not just true. Helping others can make us feel less scared and helpless. Promote empathy and understanding.

      True love and great partnerships involve embracing differences and finding humor in conflicts, even though they can be defeating at times. The best relationship advice is to consider if a truth is wise and kind, not just true. Insulting words, while sometimes seen as a form of truth, may not be beneficial. The biggest lesson learned in the last 12 months is that helping others can help us feel less scared and helpless. If a law could be created for the world, it would be one that promotes empathy and understanding, encouraging us to consider the impact of our words and actions on others.

    • The Intersection of Relationships and PurposeUnderstanding the significance of relationships and purpose, we must attend to both, healing past wounds, and treating others with respect for personal growth and fulfilling relationships.

      Relationships, like purpose, are essential aspects of human life that deserve respect and care. Esther Perel, the author of "The State of Affairs" and "Mating in Captivity," shared her insights on the importance of relationships and how they intersect with our sense of purpose. According to Perel, the first time Virat considered the concept of purpose was when he met a monk who lived a purposeful life, inspiring Virat to question the meaning behind his own existence. Perel emphasized that relationships, much like purpose, require attention, respect, and fulfillment. She also highlighted the importance of healing from past wounds to create healthy and meaningful relationships. In essence, relationships and purpose are interconnected, and treating others with decency and respect is crucial for both personal growth and fulfilling relationships.

    • Exploring opportunities for growth through media and connectionsEmbrace resources like podcasts, affordable home essentials, and healthcare services for personal growth and enhanced well-being

      We have the opportunity to expand our perspectives and shift our mindsets through various forms of media and connections with others, thanks to resources like podcasts and online content. Esther Perel, a guest on the On Purpose podcast, emphasized this point, expressing her gratitude for the chance to connect and inspire listeners. She also highlighted the benefits of affordable home essentials from IKEA and the advancements in healthcare services from CVS Health, adding to the potential for positive change and growth in our lives. Personally, I was inspired by Esther's insights and her emphasis on the power of connections and self-improvement. Additionally, I appreciated the mention of Nature's Way herbs, which have been a crucial part of my own wellness journey, particularly for maintaining digestive health. By embracing these opportunities for growth and utilizing resources like podcasts, affordable home essentials, and healthcare services, we can enhance our lives and make the most of every moment.

    Recent Episodes from On Purpose with Jay Shetty

    Rob Dial: How to Break the Cycle of Procrastination & 3 Ways to Change Your Repeated Thoughts

    Rob Dial: How to Break the Cycle of Procrastination & 3 Ways to Change Your Repeated Thoughts

    Why do we always put things off until the last minute?

    How can we stop the habit of procrastinating?

    Today, let's welcome Rob Dial, host of the Mindset Mentor Podcast and author of "Level Up." Jay and Rob reminisce about their seven-year friendship, sharing how their mutual interests in mindset and Eastern spirituality brought them together. 

    The conversation delves into the role of fear in holding people back, with Rob distinguishing between primal fears (like pain and death) and intellectual fears (like failure and rejection). He offers strategies to overcome these fears by focusing on positive outcomes instead of negative possibilities. They also explore the topic of procrastination, with Rob emphasizing the importance of having a strong "why" to drive motivation and action. 

    Rob reflects on his spiritual journey and how silence and introspection have helped him find peace and purpose. He also shares the key lesson he has learned: what we seek externally is often something we need to find within ourselves.

    In this interview, you'll learn:

    How to overcome fear

    How to connect with your 'WHY'

    How to overcome procrastination

    How to change negative thought patterns

    How to accept and love all part of yourself

    Let's continue to seek deeper understanding and connection with themselves, emphasizing the value of inner peace and presence.

    With Love and Gratitude,

    Jay Shetty

    What We Discuss:

    • 00:00 Intro
    • 01:53 Starting a Podcast
    • 04:04 Why Do We Struggle to Focus?
    • 09:17 Dealing with Intellectual Fear
    • 14:44 What’s Your Most Repeated Thought?
    • 18:20 What is Your WHY?
    • 24:49 Overcoming the Fear of the Unknown
    • 30:32 Going for the Things You Aspire
    • 35:39 There Are Different Forms of Addiction
    • 41:53 Our Truth is Always within Us
    • 46:50 Take a Pause to Reconnect with Yourself
    • 50:22 The Duality of What We Value
    • 55:44 How Do You Pick Yourself Up?
    • 59:40 What Life Lesson That Changed You?
    • 01:04:41 Lesson Learned the Hard Way
    • 01:07:48 Rob on Final Five

    Episode Resources:

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    Why Love Is Not Enough & 5 Things to Focus On More in Dating & Relationships

    Why Love Is Not Enough & 5 Things to Focus On More in Dating & Relationships

    Do you and your partner share values?

    How do you support each other emotionally?

    Today, Jay taps into the  idea that love alone is not sufficient to sustain a healthy relationship. While love is important, other elements such as shared values, emotional maturity, consistent patterns of behavior, and trust are crucial for long-lasting partnerships. Societal norms often romanticize love, leading people to overlook these essential factors.

    Jay discusses the significance of understanding and respecting each other's values, as well as recognizing and addressing patterns of behavior. Emotional maturity, which involves managing and expressing emotions healthily, is highlighted as a key component of a stable relationship. Support and partnership are deemed more critical than love alone.

    In this episode, you'll learn:

    How to communicate your value to your partner

    How to develop emotional maturity

    How to support your partner's emotional growth

    How to build trust in your relationship

    Remember, love is important, but building a relationship on trust, values, and emotional maturity is key.

    With Love and Gratitude,

    Jay Shetty

    What We Discuss:

    00:00 Intro

    01:07 Do They Love Me?

    04:42 #1: Love Makes Us Forget the Importance of Values

    08:56 #2: Love Makes You Forget Patterns of Behaviour

    16:09 #3: Love Makes You Forget How They Treat You

    19:29 #4: Love Versus Support

    21:46 #5: You Forget the Importance of Trust

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    Jonathan Haidt: Why Social Media Has Caused a Collapse in Mental Health & #1 Way to Solve Your Anxiety

    Jonathan Haidt: Why Social Media Has Caused a Collapse in Mental Health & #1 Way to Solve Your Anxiety

    How are smartphones linked to anxiety?

    What mental health issues are linked to excessive social media use?

    Today, let's welcome Jonathan Haidt is a renowned social psychologist, professor at New York University’s Stern School of Business, and a widely published author. He is known for his research on morality, culture, and the psychology of happiness. Jonathan's influential books include "The Righteous Mind: Why Good People Are Divided by Politics and Religion" and "The Coddling of the American Mind." His latest work, "The Anxious Generation," examines the profound impact of social media on young people's mental health.

    Jonathan highlights the unprecedented global collapse of mental health among youth, describing it as more significant than the COVID-19 pandemic, with girls being particularly affected by anxiety and depression, and boys showing significant social development issues.

    The conversation also addresses the academic debate regarding the root causes of this mental health crisis, with Jonathan presenting compelling data and experimental evidence to support his view that social media is a primary driver. He offers actionable solutions, including delaying smartphone and social media use until later ages, implementing phone-free school policies, increasing outdoor play, and advocating for collective action by parents and communities. 

    In this interview, you'll learn:

    How to create a healthier digital environment for kids

    How to implement age-appropriate tech usage

    How to encourage outdoor play and physical activities

    How to talk to children about the risks of social media

    How to foster resilience and emotional strength in kids

    How to create a supportive community for parents

    Together, let's take a comprehensive look into the mental health crisis the youth is facing today and take note of the practical strategies for creating a healthier environment that supports their well-being.

    With Love and Gratitude,

    Jay Shetty

    What We Discuss:

    • 00:00 Intro
    • 01:55 Global Synchronized Collapse of Mental Health
    • 08:12 Social Media is for Adults to Network
    • 10:20 The Science Behind Anxiety
    • 14:51 Variation of Emotions is Necessary for Kids
    • 17:45 Play Helps Kids Learn
    • 19:12 How to Make Playtime More Effective?
    • 22:59 The Effects of Technology on Different Genders
    • 29:24 Going Through Puberty on Social Media
    • 32:08 How Parenting Has Changed with Technology
    • 34:27 Efforts to Regulate Smartphones Use for Children
    • 44:21 Women Are Always Judged for Their Looks
    • 49:26 Verified Social Media Account
    • 56:58 Why Tap Into Our Spirituality
    • 01:03:56 What is Happening to Us?
    • 01:11:31 The Greatest Distraction of Human Value
    • 01:16:23 Jonathan on Final Five

    Episode Resources:

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    If You've Been Feeling Drained... Listen To This (9 Steps To Recover And Avoid Burnout)

    If You've Been Feeling Drained... Listen To This (9 Steps To Recover And Avoid Burnout)

    Do you often feel exhausted or burnt out?

    Are you struggling to manage your stress levels?

    Today, Jay talks about exhaustion, burnout, and stress, highlighting their prevalence with statistics showing that a significant portion of young adults and women report feeling drained. He introduces a practical approach to tackle these challenges, encapsulated in the "triple A" formula—Accept, Action, Attention—which encourages acknowledging negative feelings, taking actionable steps to address them, and paying mindful attention to one's mental state

    Jay also introduces the concept of "reset periods," whether it's an hour, half-day, or full day, to allow for complete mental and physical rejuvenation. The importance of self-compassion is also emphasized, encouraging individuals to replace inner criticism with supportive self-talk, which can significantly improve overall well-being.

    In this episode, you'll learn:

    How to break negative thought cycle

    How to manage your energy levels

    How to use stress strategically

    How to practice self-compassion

    How to get out of stressful situation

    Don’t let exhaustion control your life—take action today and start feeling refreshed and empowered. Listen now and share with someone who needs a boost!

    With Love and Gratitude,

    Jay Shetty

    What We Discuss:

    00:00 Intro

    01:06 Do You Feel Drained?

    03:10 #1: Learn to Break Repetitive Thoughts

    06:27 #2: You Don’t Need to Be on Full Energy All the Time

    10:20 #3: Learn to Say NO

    14:05 #4: Be Strategic with Your Time

    17:02 #5: Have a Reset Day

    18:35 #6: Be Kind to Yourself

    19:59 #7: Allow Yourself to Vent and Let It Out

    21:24 #8: Get a Restful Sleep 

    23:00 #9: Wash Your Mind the Night Before

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    Taylor Hill: How to Navigate Emotional Challenges & Ways to Practice Gratitude in Lifes’ Unexpected Hard Times

    Taylor Hill: How to Navigate Emotional Challenges & Ways to Practice Gratitude in Lifes’ Unexpected Hard Times

    How does gratitude aid during emotional struggles?

    How does focusing on positives improve our emotional well-being?

    Today, let's welcome supermodel, content creator, actor, and philanthropist Taylor Hill. Discovered at the age of 14, Taylor has worked with fashion houses and luxury brands around the globe and has graced the covers of prestigious fashion magazines, including Vogue. Beyond her modeling career, Taylor is the founder of Tate and Taylor, a media content platform and community inspired by her late Labradoodle, Tate. 

    Taylor speaks candidly about her emotional journey with her late Labradoodle, Tate and the profound bond she shared with him,  describing how he was more than just a pet – he was a soulmate and a source of unwavering support. She also opens up about the challenges and triumphs of starting her modeling career as a teenager, highlighting the pressures and responsibilities that came with her rapid rise to fame.

    Inspired by her journey with Tate, Taylor founded Tate and Taylor, a media content platform and community for pets and their humans. She explains the mission behind this venture, which aims to support pet owners and raise awareness about animal welfare.

    In this interview, you'll learn:

    How to handle emotional challenges

    How to manage early career success

    How to stay fit mentally and physically

    How to manage grief and loss

    How to pursue your purpose

    How to find joy and gratitude everyday

    Taylor's story is a testament to the strength of the human spirit and the healing power of unconditional love, an inspiring message for anyone facing their own struggles and searching for meaning in their experiences. 

    With Love and Gratitude,

    Jay Shetty

    What We Discuss:

    • 00:00 Intro
    • 03:50 Earliest Childhood Memory
    • 09:30 Modeling at 14 
    • 12:52 Going to School Wasn’t For Me
    • 15:26 Victoria Secret Model
    • 18:18 Audition Process for Models
    • 20:20 Having the Right Team
    • 24:52 Discipline of a VS Model
    • 33:32 VS Comeback
    • 38:55 Experiencing Burnout
    • 42:12 Losing Tate
    • 51:33 The Signs and Symptoms
    • 01:13:01 Healing From Losing Your Pet
    • 01:19:40 Pregnancy and Miscarriage 
    • 01:44:52 Alone Time While Grieving
    • 01:53:02 Emotional Support From Your Partner
    • 02:04:01 Everyone’s Journey is Different
    • 02:10:39 Building the Tate and Taylor Brand
    • 02:20:52 A Brand for a Cause
    • 02:24:48 Taylor on Final Five

    Episode Resources:

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    Do You Compare Yourself or Your Relationship to Others? 5 Surprising Ways to Stop Letting Comparison Steal Your Happiness

    Do You Compare Yourself or Your Relationship to Others? 5 Surprising Ways to Stop Letting Comparison Steal Your Happiness

    Do you compare your relationship to others?

    How can you identify and manage your triggers for comparison?

    Today, Jay introduces the concept of social comparison theory, explaining the differences between upward - where we compare ourselves to those we perceive as better off, can lead to feelings of inadequacy if done with envy rather than a mindset of learning, and downward comparisons which involves comparing ourselves to those worse off, which can provide a temporary boost in self-esteem but is ultimately unproductive and unkind.

    He shares practical strategies for reducing comparison, such as being mindful of social media usage, identifying personal triggers, and investing in self-improvement. Jay also stresses the importance of understanding the deeper, often hidden aspects of people's lives and why we usually compare our internal struggles with others' external successes, leading to a distorted and unfair self-assessment.

    In the episode, you'll learn:

    How to identify your goals

    How to set mutual goals

    How to be mindful of your triggers

    How to invest in self-improvement

    By seeking deeper connections and understanding the full context of others' lives, we can develop more empathy and reduce the impulse to compare and shift our focus from external comparisons to internal growth and relational strength, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling and authentic life.

    With Love and Gratitude,

    Jay Shetty

    What We Discuss:

    00:00 Intro

    01:28 Comparing Ourselves to Other People

    04:32 Social Media Makes Unhealthy Comparison

    05:27 The Two Social Comparison Theory

    12:53 Everyone Has Different Values

    14:26 Focus More on the Good You’re Doing

    16:11 Focus on What It Take For You to Get There

    17:39 Get to Know People Deeply

    19:33 Be Conscious of Your Own Triggers

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    Dr. Casey Means: 5 Early Warning Signs of Disease & What Your Body is REALLY Trying to Tell You

    Dr. Casey Means: 5 Early Warning Signs of Disease & What Your Body is REALLY Trying to Tell You

    Do you want to be able to detect the early warning signs of disease? 

    Do you want to learn how to manage your stress effectively? 

    Today, Jay welcomes Dr. Casey Means, a Stanford-trained physician, a leading voice in the field of metabolic health, and the co-founder of Levels, a company dedicated to improving health through continuous glucose monitoring. She is also an author, with her latest book, "Good Energy," focusing on metabolic health and its impact on overall well-being. Dr. Means has been featured in prominent publications such as The New York Times, The New Yorker, The Wall Street Journal, and Forbes. 

    Dr. Casey Means highlights the alarming rise of chronic diseases, including diabetes, heart disease, and obesity, which she attributes to the modern lifestyle and its impact on our metabolic systems. She emphasizes the importance of understanding metabolic health, which she describes as the body's ability to efficiently convert food into energy at the cellular level and encourages us to take control of our health by becoming more attuned to our bodies and the signals it sends. 

    Jay and Dr. Means focus on the importance of a balanced diet, adequate sleep, regular physical activity, stress management, and reducing exposure to environmental toxins. And the inspiring stories and scientific evidence to illustrate how simple lifestyle changes can lead to significant improvements in health. 

    In this interview, you'll learn:

    How to improve metabolic health

    How to manage stress effectively

    How to make dietary changes

    How to optimize sleep

    How to trust your own body

    How to stay physically active

    This compelling vision for a future where individuals are empowered with the knowledge and tools to take charge of their health, leading to happier, healthier, and more fulfilled lives is attainable. 

    With Love and Gratitude,

    Jay Shetty

    What We Discuss:

    • 00:00 Intro
    • 02:55 Who Do We Trust with Our Health?
    • 12:12 Become the Healthiest Version of You
    • 18:27 What is Metabolic Health?
    • 25:39 2 Ways Your Body Communicates with You
    • 34:56 The Concept of Inflammation within the Body
    • 40:15 How Does the Health System Work?
    • 51:33 Why Ban Pharmaceutical Company Ads?
    • 56:42 How Banning Pharma Ads Will Affect the Economy
    • 01:02:47 Academic Research Funded by Pharma
    • 01:05:35 Eliminate Added Sugar in School Lunch
    • 01:11:05 The 5 Essential Biomarkers
    • 01:23:10 How You’re Eating Matters
    • 01:24:37 The Benefits of 7000 Steps
    • 01:29:37 What is Social Jetlag?
    • 01:34:51 We Are a Process Not an Entity
    • 01:44:57 Casey on Final Five

    Episode Resources:

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    8 Signs You Are Subtle Settling In Your Relationship & Overcome the Fear of Being Alone

    8 Signs You Are Subtle Settling In Your Relationship & Overcome the Fear of Being Alone

    Do you often feel unappreciated by your partner?

    Do you avoid addressing issues to keep the peace?

    Today, Jay tackles a common yet often overlooked issue in relationships: subtle settling. He begins by acknowledging the pervasive uncertainty many people face about their partners and the fear of being alone that often drives them to stay in unfulfilling relationships. Is it true that the lack of current excitement or passion necessarily indicates settling.

    One of the key questions Jay poses is whether individuals feel they can be their true selves with their partners. He highlights the importance of authenticity in relationships, sharing anecdotes about how people often hide or underplay parts of themselves to be more likable, which ultimately leads to losing their true identity.

    In this episode, you'll learn:

    How to foster emotional availability

    How to deal with unrealistic expectations

    How to ensure mutual respect in your relationship

    How to discuss important issues in a healthy way

    Healthy communication is another crucial aspect in all relationships. This episode is a must-listen for anyone seeking to ensure they are not compromising their happiness and well-being in their relationships.

    With Love and Gratitude,

    Jay Shetty

    What We Discuss:

    00:00 Intro

    01:24 Subtle Settling

    02:26 #1: Do You Feel Like You Can Truly Be Yourself?

    07:18 #2: Do You Discuss Important Things In A Healthy Way?

    13:19 #3: Do You Feel A Sense Of Respect?

    15:36 #4: Are You Scared Of Being Lonely?

    20:58 #5: Do You Compare Your Partner To Other People?

    22:23 #6: Do They Understand Why You Are The Way You Are?

    23:53 #7: Can They Tolerate Your Weaknesses And Can You Tolerate Theirs?

    24:53 #8: You're Subtle Settling If It's A Financial Decision

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    Anitta: 6 Ways to Heal Your Inner Child & Let Go of Past Trauma

    Anitta: 6 Ways to Heal Your Inner Child & Let Go of Past Trauma

    What does healing your inner child mean?

    How can you heal from past trauma?

    Today, let's welcome Grammy-nominated global superstar, Anitta, who has become a leading artist of a new generation of Latin American music. Her album "Versions of Me" surpassed 1 billion streams on Spotify, and she earned a Grammy nomination for Best New Artist in 2023. Known for her energetic performances and bold personality, Anitta is also deeply spiritual, integrating various practices to maintain her well-being and authenticity.

    A significant part of the episode focuses on the duality of Anitta's identity. She explains how she balances her stage persona with her true self, Larissa, and the importance of nurturing both. Anitta shares the struggles she faced with comparisons, societal expectations, and the pressure to maintain a certain image. Her journey towards self-acceptance and self-love is a powerful testament to the resilience of the human spirit. 

    Jay and Anitta also talk about the importance of staying grounded amidst success, sharing her daily routines that include meditation, energy cleansing, and connecting with nature. Despite facing criticism and backlash, she remains committed to expressing and celebrating her culture through her music and public appearances.

    In this interview, you'll learn:

    How to stay grounded amidst success

    How to overcome comparisons

    How to heal from past trauma

    How to manage your health

    How to cultivate self-love

    How to handle criticisms

    Anitta's story is a reminder that true success is not just about external achievements but also about inner peace, self-love, and staying connected to one's roots.

    With Love and Gratitude,

    Jay Shetty

    What We Discuss:

    • 00:00 Intro
    • 03:39 How Do You Prepare for a Performance?
    • 05:05 Meditation Practice
    • 08:17 How Elevate Your Energy
    • 11:06 Comparison is Making Us Unhappy
    • 16:04 Successful But Unhappy
    • 29:24 Doing Things for Your Happiness
    • 37:04 Health Scare
    • 38:10 Healing Emotional Trauma
    • 42:46 What Are You Here For?
    • 45:19 Getting Off Birth Control
    • 51:12 Two Energy in One Body
    • 58:32 Society’s Double Standard in Dating
    • 01:01:38 Different Religion and Faith
    • 01:11:30 We All Have a Choice
    • 01:16:10 Challenges and Hardships Along the Way 
    • 01:24:22 Dealing with Conflicts
    • 01:29:14 Opportunities for Better Exposure
    • 01:34:14 Finding Balance in Life
    • 01:35:21 Anitta on Final Five

    Episode Resources:

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    7 Habits to Be Present When Everything Feels Like It’s Moving Too Quickly (Busy People Listen Now)

    7 Habits to Be Present When Everything Feels Like It’s Moving Too Quickly (Busy People Listen Now)

    How can you recognize when you need to slow down?

    And what are the benefits of slowing down in everyday life?

    Today, Jay addresses the growing concern about how to slow down in our fast-paced world. Many of us feel like time is flying by, and Jay offers practical tips to help us feel more present and in control. 

    Jay recommends connecting with ourselves, looking at our schedule, and reaching out to loved ones. By waking up 20 minutes earlier than needed, this small change can set a calm tone for the day. And there is power in silence and spending time in nature. Silence helps reduce our brain's cognitive load, and being in nature makes us feel more present and less rushed.

    Throughout the episode, Jay provides easy-to-follow advice to help us slow down and enjoy life more fully, reminding us that slowing down is about being more present, not doing less.

    In this episode, you'll learn:

    How to slow down time

    How to change your daily habits

    How to plan for your day

    These small changes can make a big difference in how you experience time. Remember, there's more to life than increasing its speed. Let's slow down together and savor every moment.

    With Love and Gratitude,

    Jay Shetty

    What We Discuss:

    00:00 Intro

    01:31 Time Flies By So Fast

    04:21 #1: Wake Up 20 Minutes Before You Actually Have To

    08:40 #2: One Device At A Time

    11:35 #3: Take 30 Seconds To Engage All Five Senses

    13:44 #4: Obey Speed The Limit

    16:32 #5: Being Present With Your Breath To Align Your Body And Mind

    18:25 #6: Find And Create Moments Of Silence Everyday

    21:19 #7: Observe And Be Present In Nature

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    Related Episodes

    8 Habits of Happy & Successful Couples to Improve Your Relationship

    8 Habits of Happy & Successful Couples to Improve Your Relationship

    A lasting relationship doesn't just thrive on love alone. It takes a lot of work… a lot of hard work from both partners. 

    It isn’t a simple walk in the park or a picnic at the beach. It’s about putting into heart the daily grind to make the relationship work while enjoying the feelings of happiness and being loved and appreciating your partner’s effort every single day. 

    In this episode of On Purpose, Jay Shetty enumerates the habits that make successful relationships work and last for a long time. 

    Sama Tea is now available! Go to http://samatea.com/onpurpose to order a box of Sama now and get access to our free live monthly tea parties, be the first to try out new tea flavors and receive a free exclusive download that shows my personal routine and rituals.

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    • 02:55 The relationship habits of successful couple
    • 03:54 Habit #1: Respect their value even if they have different values
    • 09:14 Habit #2: Try to notice the small things
    • 12:08 Habit #3: Encourage, not discourage each other
    • 14:35 Habit #4: Have a balance between time together, time alone, time with friends
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    8 Unrealistic Expectations We Have in Relationships & 8 Ways to Replace Them for Success in Love

    8 Unrealistic Expectations We Have in Relationships & 8 Ways to Replace Them for Success in Love

    In every relationship we have, we often set expectations. When these expectations aren’t met, we feel unloved and uncared for. And sometimes, we feel that it’s not working and that it isn’t true love.

    What we fail to realize is that our expectations are based on our standards, our own ideals, our own terms. OURS, not theirs. It’s one sided. We want the other person to meet our standards, ideals, and goals; but we never consider THEIR own expectations of us.

    In this episode of On Purpose, Jay Shetty explains why setting unrealistic expectations only leads to a failure in your relationship and builds up your insecurities.

    Sign up for Jay Shetty’s free “Pursuit of Purpose” Live Masterclass at www.jayshettypurpose.com

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    • 01:34 What are your expectations when you’re in a relationship?
    • 03:45 Expectation #1: We create a list of expectations that we will find
    • 07:07 The three G’s: Goal, Growth, Gratitude
    • 11:20 Expectation #2: Our partner should be perfect
    • 15:50 Expectation #3: Expecting your partner to make you happy
    • 18:56 Expectation #4: Our partners can read our mind
    • 22:20 Expectation #5: Know how to do things we usually do that we’ve never explained
    • 25:33 Expectation #6: Have it all together all the time
    • 27:38 Expectation #7: Our partner want the same things we want
    • 30:03 Expectation #8: Our partner should understand us immediately

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    S03.E12 - Carlton Part 1: Am I really willing to do the work?

    S03.E12 - Carlton Part 1: Am I really willing to do the work?

    In this episode (Am I really willing to do the work?), I discuss the feeling of knowing when you know and how they led to Carlton dating someone he randomly met prior to graduating college as well as their journey in marriage. 

    We discuss the importance of being intentional when getting to know someone. We break down the process of knowing that you know and how specific experiences can solidify how a guy feels about a woman. We also dive deep in what it means when a guy says “you know when you know”.

    Help support the podcast so it can continue to give you quality content. Donations of support can be made via Zelle to thinklovewife_donations@neloeffect.com. Contributions will go towards things like equipment, studio time, and operational costs to keep this podcast going.

    This episode is sponsored by Nelo Effect, a coaching and consulting service that helps people turn mindfulness into action as they navigate the dating world as well as in their relationships. Learn more at https://neloeffect.com/dating-relationship-advising/ 

    We are on all major platforms. Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, GooglePlay Music, TuneIn, Castbox, and many others. Don’t forget to subscribe and share with your friends.

    Follow @ThinkLoveWife on Instagram and Facebook. Send questions or topics you’d like us to discuss.

     

    E482 Ask Nick - Addicted to Toxic Work Situationship

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    Welcome back to another juicy and exciting episode of The Viall Files: Ask Nick Edition! On this show, we’re here to help with all your burning questions about dating and relationships! We bring on our first caller, who has been in a long distance relationship for a long time with her boyfriend. After it looks like they are able to move much closer and no longer have to do long distance, our caller wonders how to best transition into this new phase, being able to enjoy each other but also respect the space they might need. Our next caller finds herself stuck in a toxic work environment when a situationship starts to go astray. Having an intense  emotional relationship with someone you work with everyday, our caller feels stress when not being able to set proper boundaries both at work and in the situationship with her coworker. Our last caller struggles when her husband's friend continues to try to insert himself and befriend our caller’s family. After her mother says she’s getting DMs from this friend, our caller is unsure how to read his intentions and how to set boundaries while also potentially being supportive if need be. 

    “My therapist called him a drug” 

    Please make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode and as always send in your relationship questions to asknick@kastmedia.com to be a part of our Monday episodes. 

    Pre-Order Nick’s Book: https://www.abramsbooks.com/product/dont-text-your-ex-happy-birthday_9781419755491/

    Support a Local Bookstore: https://bookshop.org/books/don-t-text-your-ex-happy-birthday-and-other-advice-on-love-sex-and-dating-9798212185622/9781419755491

    Check out our new "Introvert" merch at http://www.viallfiles.com today!

    If you would like to get some advice on Office Hours send an email to asknick@kastmedia.com with “Office Hours” in the subject line! 

    THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS:

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