Logo
    Search

    Evolving Our Approach to Treating Trauma with Dr. Bessel van der Kolk

    enOctober 17, 2022

    Podcast Summary

    • Healing from trauma involves living in the present and rewiring the brainTrauma recovery is a personal journey that requires therapy to help individuals imagine new possibilities and live fully in the present.

      That trauma doesn't just involve dealing with past events, but also learning to live in the present and rewiring the brain to feel safe. Imagination plays a crucial role in this process, as it allows individuals to envision a future where they are no longer stuck in the traumatic experience. However, trauma can make it difficult to imagine new possibilities, and therapy can help open up these avenues. While understanding the reasons behind trauma is important, it doesn't automatically lead to healing. Ultimately, the journey to recovery is a personal one, and individuals need guidance and support to find their unique path to living fully in the present.

    • Healing Trauma Through Creativity and Self-AwarenessEffective trauma treatments foster self-awareness, creativity, and positive relationships with oneself and inner selves.

      Being a therapist involves not only addressing the trauma experienced by individuals but also fostering their creativity and self-awareness. Bessel van der Kolk's work is an excellent example of this approach, incorporating various forms and modalities such as Psychodrama and psychedelic-assisted therapy. Early experiences shape our understanding of the world, and healing practices that work in one cultural context may not be effective in another. To help individuals recover from trauma, it's crucial to engage their imagination as a creative reparative act and foster a loving relationship with themselves. Internalized abuse is common in trauma survivors, leading them to blame themselves for their experiences. Understanding human development and spending time with children can provide valuable insights into this phenomenon. Ultimately, effective treatments share a core idea: helping individuals develop a positive relationship with themselves and their inner selves.

    • Early experiences shape identity and self-perception, trauma can lead to negative beliefsTrauma, particularly in childhood, can deeply ingrain negative beliefs about oneself, but therapeutic approaches like psychedelics and neurofeedback can help individuals gain new perspectives and heal.

      Early experiences and the way we are treated shape our identity and self-perception. Trauma, particularly in childhood, can lead to negative beliefs about oneself, which can be deeply ingrained and difficult to change. Psychedelics and other therapeutic approaches, such as neurofeedback, can help individuals gain a new perspective and compassion for their past selves, enabling them to heal and overcome developmental trauma. The desire to maintain relationships and a sense of belonging, even in toxic or abusive situations, is a fundamental human need. Trauma can present individuals with a challenging existential dilemma: stay in a harmful relationship for a sense of belonging or leave and start anew. Regardless of the choice, respect is due for those who face these challenges.

    • Labeling Self as 'Crazy' or 'Bad' in ChildhoodChildren label themselves to cope with dangerous environments, leading to self-protection and survival processes that can last into adulthood. Healing involves changing self-stories and developing a new language, aided by whole body approaches.

      Children, even at a young age, make a fateful choice to maintain a sense of orderliness in the world by labeling themselves as "crazy" or "bad" when faced with dangerous or frightful environments. This choice can lead to a challenging and creative process of self-protection and survival, which can continue into adulthood for some individuals. The realization that one's environment is not normal and the need to protect oneself can be a difficult and painful process, but it's essential for recovery. This process involves changing the stories told to oneself about the past and developing a new language and understanding of one's internal experiences. Whole body approaches, such as yoga, body work, psychedelics, and neurofeedback, can help individuals tolerate difficult emotions and allow the new language to emerge, promoting holistic healing and integration.

    • Mental health treatment: Embrace the toolbox approachBessel van der Kolk advocates for an open-minded approach to mental health treatment, recognizing the limitations and effectiveness of various methods, and the importance of individualized care and scientific research.

      There is no one-size-fits-all approach to mental health treatment. Bessel van der Kolk, a renowned researcher and therapist, emphasizes the importance of being open to various methods and understanding their limitations. He shares his experience with skepticism towards innovative approaches like EMDR and yoga, but also the importance of scientific research and evidence in validating their effectiveness. Van der Kolk encourages therapists not to become "religious" about a particular method, and instead, see it as a tool in the toolbox. Currently, there is a lot of excitement and research surrounding psychedelics, but van der Kolk believes we are in a honeymoon phase where honesty and collaboration are key. As money and commercialization enter the field, there is a risk of losing the focus on individualized care and the potential negative side effects. Ultimately, it's essential to continue researching and understanding the complexities of mental health treatment and the unique needs of each individual.

    • Exploring the complexities of psychedelic therapiesPsychedelic therapies hold potential for mental health treatment, but require careful consideration, proper supervision, and a holistic approach to fully understand and address mental health concerns

      Psychedelic therapies, such as those involving MDMA or ketamine, have shown promise in mental health treatment but require careful consideration and proper supervision to ensure positive outcomes. These substances can bring up traumatic experiences and should not be consumed without proper preparation and psychological support. The lack of regulation and oversight in some areas, like the internet sale of psychedelic agents, can lead to harmful experiences. Furthermore, the mental processes that contribute to mental health issues are complex and not fully understood, and focusing solely on chemical or brain area solutions may not provide a complete picture. Instead, researchers should continue to explore the connections between various systems in the mind, using more advanced tools to better understand and address mental health concerns.

    • Exploring Resources for Navigating Life's Challenges and Improving HealthUtilize practical resources like the Doctor John DeLaney Show for immediate relief and guidance, while also exploring science-based information from podcasts like ZOE Science and Nutrition to make informed decisions about health. Stay open to future advancements in technology and research for even more effective tools and treatments.

      While there are valuable resources, such as the Doctor John DeLaney Show and the ZOE Science and Nutrition podcast, available to help navigate life's challenges and make informed decisions about health, it's important to remember that progress and advancements in various fields, including mental health and technology, continue to evolve. The emphasis on practicality and directness in shows like the Doctor John DeLaney Show can provide immediate relief and guidance, while resources like the ZOE Science and Nutrition podcast offer science-based information to make informed decisions about health. However, it's important to remember that advancements in technology and research may lead to even more effective tools and treatments in the future. As for skin health, products like OneSkin offer simple and scientifically validated solutions to keep skin healthy and looking its best. Overall, it's essential to take advantage of the resources available now while staying open to the potential for future advancements.

    • Understanding Mental Health Beyond Structural IssuesMental health is complex and involves more than just brain structure, including information processing, decision-making abilities, and sense of self. The focus on hardware-specific research can be limiting, and diagnostic labels may not fully capture individual experiences.

      While brain abnormalities can result from trauma, people are capable of compensating and even rewiring their brains to maintain functionality. However, there are important aspects of mental health that go beyond structural issues and are not well-studied, such as information processing, decision-making abilities, and sense of self. The focus on hardware-specific research is a significant issue in the field, and while diagnostic labels like the DSM have their uses, they are not based on solid scientific data and can be misleading. Instead, it's essential to consider mental health in a more holistic way, focusing on functional abilities and overall well-being.

    • Limitations of current mental health diagnostic systemRenowned psychiatrist Dr. Bessel van der Kolk emphasizes the importance of studying interpersonal and interpsychic processes in understanding mental health disorders, rather than solely focusing on individual symptoms and diagnoses. The pandemic highlights the need for a more holistic and empathetic approach to mental health diagnosis and treatment.

      The current diagnostic system in the DSM for mental health disorders, which categorizes and labels symptoms, may be missing the mark when it comes to understanding the complex interconnected nature of human experiences and relationships. Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, a renowned psychiatrist, shares his concerns about the limitations of this system, particularly in relation to trauma. He emphasizes that we are all interconnected beings and that our experiences and interactions with others play a significant role in shaping our mental health. He suggests that instead of focusing solely on individual symptoms and diagnoses, we should be studying the interpersonal and interpsychic processes that underlie various disorders. The pandemic and collective trauma experiences, while different for each person, highlight the importance of acknowledging and validating the reality and severity of individual experiences. The denial of people's reality during the pandemic has caused immense pain and emphasizes the need for a more holistic and empathetic approach to mental health diagnosis and treatment.

    • Society and politics reflecting abusive family dynamicsDespite widespread suffering and inequality, effective responses are hindered by fear and trauma, making it a challenge for those affected to form large-scale coalitions for positive change.

      Our society and politics are mirroring the dynamics of an abusive family, where truth is suppressed, and alternative realities are adopted due to past experiences of abuse. Inequality and suffering persist, but effective responses are hindered by fear and trauma. The rigidity of hierarchical structures and the flexibility of imaginative processes create a challenge for those who have experienced trauma to come together and form large-scale coalitions for positive change. The number of people affected is vast, making it a significant issue that requires courage and understanding to address.

    • Transformative power of trauma and adversityUnderstanding and acknowledging the root causes of trauma is crucial for fostering compassion and supporting individuals in their healing process. Collective action is essential for bridging the gap between personal transformation and political progress.

      Trauma and adversity can be transformative forces, driving individuals to create positive change in the world. Throughout history, many influential figures have overcome personal hardships to bring about significant improvements in society. However, for this transformation to occur, it's crucial to understand and acknowledge the root causes of trauma, rather than condemning or dismissing those who have experienced it. By celebrating and supporting individuals in their healing process, we can create a culture of compassion and understanding that fosters lasting change. Additionally, the personal experiences of individuals often don't directly translate to large-scale political change. While there have been numerous advancements in psychological mindfulness and personal growth, we've also seen the rise of authoritarianism and divisive politics. To bring about meaningful and sustainable change, it's essential for individuals and organizations to come together, pooling their resources and coalescing around common causes. This collective action can help bridge the gap between personal transformation and political progress. Ultimately, embracing and addressing shame and trauma in a supportive and understanding way is crucial for fostering the empathy, compassion, and resilience necessary for lasting social change.

    • Healing from Trauma: More Than SurvivingRecognize and validate the strength and resilience gained from surviving trauma, shift perspective with self-compassion and therapy, and harness the power of imagination for healing.

      Learning from our conversation with Dr. Bessel van der Kolk is that healing from traumatic experiences involves more than just surviving. It's important to recognize and validate the strength and resilience that comes from surviving trauma. Instead of feeling ashamed or damaged, individuals can reframe their experiences as remarkable feats of survival. This shift in perspective, facilitated by self-compassion and therapy, can help individuals move past the stuckness that often accompanies trauma and envision new possibilities for themselves. During our conversation, we explored how the imaginative function of the human mind can be a powerful tool for healing. We also discussed how children in traumatic environments are often left with a sense of internalized abuse, leading them to blame themselves or forget their experiences altogether. Dr. van der Kolk provided insight into the limitations of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) and its influence on diagnosis and treatment. He emphasized that these categories, while useful, are not purely scientific and can be subject to interpretation and bias. Ultimately, the conversation highlighted the importance of compassion, self-understanding, and the power of the imagination in healing from trauma.

    • Understanding Trauma Through Context and RelationalityBessel van der Kolk emphasizes the importance of studying unique combinations of psychology and relationality in various contexts, including the potential of psychedelic treatments for trauma, but warns of potential issues when these substances leave research environments.

      While Western mental health diagnosis and treatment can be effective, it often overlooks the importance of context and relationality in understanding and addressing psychological issues. Bessel van der Kolk emphasizes the significance of studying the unique combinations of psychology and relationality in various contexts. He is optimistic about the potential of psychedelic treatments for people who have experienced trauma, but cautions against the potential problems that may arise when these substances leave controlled research environments and enter the wider world. Additionally, van der Kolk challenges the use of the term "collective trauma," arguing that even experiences that seem similar on the surface can have vastly different impacts on individuals. He emphasizes the importance of self-compassion as a crucial first step in healing from trauma.

    • Focusing on physical and emotional well-beingTaking care of one's physical and emotional health is essential for overcoming feelings of being stuck or trapped in life. Authentic rest and recognizing personal agency can help make a difference.

      That taking care of one's physical and emotional well-being is a crucial first step towards overcoming feelings of being stuck or trapped in life. Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, the author of "The Body Keeps the Score," emphasizes the importance of authentic rest and recognizing one's individual agency in making a difference in one's life. If you haven't read the book yet, it's highly recommended. Subscribing to the podcast, leaving a review, and supporting us on Patreon are great ways to help us reach more people. By focusing on our physical and emotional well-being, we can begin to move forward and make progress in our lives. Take care of yourself, and we'll talk to you soon.

    Recent Episodes from Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson

    How to Become a Disciplined Person

    How to Become a Disciplined Person
    If we want to accomplish something in life it usually takes a combination of motivation and consistency - in other words, discipline. Discipline is both essential…and shockingly hard to develop. In today’s episode, Forrest and Dr. Rick explore how we can become more disciplined. They talk about whether discipline came naturally to Rick, and the lessons we can learn from his journey with discipline. Key topics include how to make even frustrating tasks rewarding, the relationship between discipline and self-concept, how to identify key wants, needs, and aspirations, and learning to feel good when we do good.  You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 2:30: Rick’s personal history with cultivating discipline 5:45: Finding reward in necessary tasks 17:50: Engaging in your life, and knowing what you really care about 22:35: The power of your self-concept 31:45: Breaking things down into small parts 36:45: Motivation, distress tolerance, and meta-motivation 46:35: Getting out of a negative mindset, and finding what works for you 54:10: Recap I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there.  Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell.  Transform your health with the ZOE Science & Nutrition podcast. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts. Zocdoc helps you find expert doctors and medical professionals that specialize in the care you need, and deliver the type of experience you want. Head to zocdoc.com/being and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. OneSkin focuses on delivering more than superficial results for your skin. Get started today with 15% off using code BEINGWELL at oneskin.co.  Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month! Connect with the show: Subscribe on iTunes Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Forrest on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Visit Forrest's website

    Psychological Defenses: How to Understand (and change) Your Mind and Behavior

    Psychological Defenses: How to Understand (and change) Your Mind and Behavior
    Psychological defenses are subconscious strategies we use to protect ourselves from uncomfortable emotions, and they exert a hidden power over our behavior. From denial and repression to projection and rationalization, Dr. Rick and Forrest explore how these defenses shape our actions, influence our relationships, and affect our overall well-being. They start with the function and structure of most defenses, before giving a few simple examples. Rick then dives into the role of defenses in psychoanalytic theory, their role in managing self-worth and shame, and what we can do to become less defensive over time. They close with practical strategies for working with our defenses, including a brief discussion of what we can do to help other people with their defenses. You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 2:30: Psychological and historical factors influencing psychological defensiveness 8:00: Some examples of unconscious anxiety bubbling up 12:00: Repression, regression, projection, reaction formation, and sublimation 16:55: An overview of Freud’s developmental model of the personality 24:10: A few examples of how our defenses manifest 33:40: Consciousness, competence, and joining the defense 44:00: Navigating shame and guilt 50:15: Distress tolerance 57:15: Social connection, and finding healthy outlets 1:00:20: When and how to approach others about their defensiveness 1:10:45: Recap I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there.  Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell.  Transform your health with the ZOE Science & Nutrition podcast. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts. Zocdoc helps you find expert doctors and medical professionals that specialize in the care you need, and deliver the type of experience you want. Head to zocdoc.com/being and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. OneSkin focuses on delivering more than superficial results for your skin. Get started today with 15% off using code BEINGWELL at oneskin.co.  Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month! Connect with the show: Subscribe on iTunes Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Forrest on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Visit Forrest's website

    The Fawn Response: People Pleasing, Self-Abandonment, and Standing Up for Yourself

    The Fawn Response: People Pleasing, Self-Abandonment, and Standing Up for Yourself
    Dr. Rick and Forrest finish their series on the stress responses with the fawn response: an appeasement strategy where we manage stressful situations by giving others what they want. Rick and Forrest start by discussing common symptoms, including people pleasing, self-abandonment, difficulty saying no, weak boundaries, and chronic self-sacrifice. They talk about the roots of the fawn response and its connection to complex PTSD before exploring people pleasing in detail. In the second half of the episode they focus on practical tools for developing healthy boundaries, self-acceptance, and a stronger sense of self. You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics:  0:00: Introduction 2:15: What the fawn response looks like 9:05: Power imbalances, shame, and contempt 11:35: What personal history tends to lead to fawning? 20:00: How to work on the tendency to fawn 36:30: Shame, self-acceptance, and opening up to self-expression 41:25: The fawn response in relationship 46:40: Becoming your own source of safety 52:20: Making equitable arrangements, and acknowledging your best efforts 1:01:50: Recap I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there.  Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell.  Transform your health with the ZOE Science & Nutrition podcast. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts. Zocdoc helps you find expert doctors and medical professionals that specialize in the care you need, and deliver the type of experience you want. Head to zocdoc.com/being and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. OneSkin focuses on delivering more than superficial results for your skin. Get started today with 15% off using code BEINGWELL at oneskin.co.  Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month! Connect with the show: Subscribe on iTunes Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Forrest on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Visit Forrest's website

    How to Create a Secure Relationship with Elizabeth Ferreira

    How to Create a Secure Relationship with Elizabeth Ferreira
    Somatic trauma therapist Elizabeth Ferreira joins Forrest to explore how we can create more secure relationships. They talk about the lessons they've learned from their relationship, the impact of trauma and prior relationship wounds, and how very different people can make things work. Topics include complex PTSD, how to work through disagreements, changing our model of relationships, and learning how to actually support your partner. I loved this conversation, and hope you enjoy it! You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics:  0:00: Introduction 1:10: The myth of relationships solving your problems, and self-awareness 4:25: Me, you, and us 13:45: Changing your partner by changing yourself 16:45: Embracing the challenges of vulnerability 23:25: Disagreeing well, making specific requests, and holding space 33:05: Learning how to support your partner 37:40: Five different styles of relationship 40:55: Moving from trying to please your partner to showing compassion 45:15: Love as a choice, and expressing wants and needs positively 49:30: Simply liking your partner I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there.  Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month! If you’re navigating something messy, call The Dr. John Delony Show. Dr. John shares practical advice on how to connect with people, face depression, overcome anxiety, and learn what it means to be well. Listen wherever you get your podcasts.  Transform your health with the ZOE Science & Nutrition podcast. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts. OneSkin focuses on delivering more than superficial results for your skin. Get started today with 15% off using code BEINGWELL at oneskin.co.  Connect with the show: Subscribe on iTunes Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Forrest on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Visit Forrest's website

    Becoming Self-Confident, Learning Healthy Relationship Skills, and Trusting Yourself: June Mailbag

    Becoming Self-Confident, Learning Healthy Relationship Skills, and Trusting Yourself: June Mailbag
    Dr. Rick and Forrest open up the mailbag and answer questions from listeners. They explore how to deal with chronically negative people, managing avoidant tendencies that get in the way of us finding a great relationship, and separating normal desires for support from more problematic ones. They then talk about how we can build self-confidence and become more internally referenced, before closing the episode with a sticky situation involving supporting an aging parent.  If you’d like to send in a question to be answered on the podcast, join our Patreon or email us at contact@beingwellpodcast.com. You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics:  0:00: Introduction 1:00: My friend is chronically negative, what can I do? 13:05: How can I move past a cycle of avoidance that’s inhibiting my ability to find a good relationship? 26:05: I want to be supported by my partner, but I’m worried about becoming enmeshed. How can I seek help in a healthy way? 39:30: How do I stop seeking validation from others? 45:20: How do I react to ongoing criticism from an aging parent? 58:15: Recap I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there.  Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month! If you’re navigating something messy, call The Dr. John Delony Show. Dr. John shares practical advice on how to connect with people, face depression, overcome anxiety, and learn what it means to be well. Listen wherever you get your podcasts.  Transform your health with the ZOE Science & Nutrition podcast. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts. OneSkin focuses on delivering more than superficial results for your skin. Get started today with 15% off using code BEINGWELL at oneskin.co.  Connect with the show: Subscribe on iTunes Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Forrest on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Visit Forrest's website

    The Psychology of Manifesting: How to Create the Life You Want

    The Psychology of Manifesting: How to Create the Life You Want
    Forrest and Dr. Rick explore “manifesting:” the idea that our thoughts impact the world around us, and by changing those thoughts we can change our lives. Talking about manifesting is complicated, because on the one hand our thoughts really do matter. On the other, manifesting is closely tied to a small mountain of problematic pseudoscience. They discuss and debate some of the issues with manifesting and the law of attraction before focusing on how to apply key psychological principles to create the life you want.  Rick and Forrest talk about creating clarity around our goals, setting intentions, improving self-worth and self-efficacy, and overcoming some of the negative unconscious beliefs that can get in our way, before exploring authenticity, consistent effort, and working with fear and inhibition. Then Rick closes the episode by walking us through a practical example of how to change a belief. You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 3:00: Defining manifestation, and separating psychological and supernatural mechanisms of action 6:55: The mind-body connection, and the psychological aspects of manifesting 15:50: Charlatanism, preying on uncertainty, and the problems with the law of attraction 25:20: Changing behavior vs. changing thoughts, and the lure of the supernatural 32:10: If you want to skip the context, start here. 32:35: Getting what we subconsciously believe we are worthy of, and “don’t know” mind 38:50: Identifying wants, surrendering to the best within us, and using pain as a guide 48:55: Embracing the reality of consistent effort 54:55: How to change a negative belief 1:08:10: Recap I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there.  Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month! If you’re navigating something messy, call The Dr. John Delony Show. Dr. John shares practical advice on how to connect with people, face depression, overcome anxiety, and learn what it means to be well. Listen wherever you get your podcasts.  Transform your health with the ZOE Science & Nutrition podcast. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts. OneSkin focuses on delivering more than superficial results for your skin. Get started today with 15% off using code BEINGWELL at oneskin.co.  Connect with the show: Subscribe on iTunes Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Forrest on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Visit Forrest's website

    Understanding the “Flight” Response: Anxiety, Avoidance, and Feeling Safe

    Understanding the “Flight” Response: Anxiety, Avoidance, and Feeling Safe
    Dr. Rick and Forrest discuss the “flight” response to stress, which includes feelings of anxiety and fear, avoidant behavior, and an underlying sense of insecurity. They explore the emotions and behaviors associated with the flight response, and how we can build up a stronger, more secure sense of who we are. Rick shares some practical tools that will help you change your self-concept, safely apply principles from graduated exposure, and feel safer from the inside-out. I’ve loved this series on the stress responses, and think you’ll get a lot out of this episode. You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:00: The purpose of the flight response, and when it is and isn’t useful 5:35: Social withdrawal, conflict avoidance, and preserving safety vs. comfort 12:15: The trouble with low likelihood, high-cost risks 16:35: Exploring our capacity for stress, and identifying the risks worth taking 26:30: Feeling “sturdy,” and why we choose the flight response vs. other stress responses 33:30: Graduated exposure  39:05: Learning to trust our new capabilities as we change 44:50: Overdoing a change as a form of self-sabotage, and reserving the power to flee 54:25: Responding to anxiety 1:01:40: Being present with painful situations we can’t escape 1:08:40: Recap I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there.  Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month! If you’re navigating something messy, call The Dr. John Delony Show. Dr. John shares practical advice on how to connect with people, face depression, overcome anxiety, and learn what it means to be well. Listen wherever you get your podcasts.  Transform your health with the ZOE Science & Nutrition podcast. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts. OneSkin focuses on delivering more than superficial results for your skin. Get started today with 15% off using code BEINGWELL at oneskin.co.  Connect with the show: Subscribe on iTunes Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Forrest on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Visit Forrest's website

    Managing The “Fight” Response: Anger, Repression, and Self-Regulation

    Managing The “Fight” Response: Anger, Repression, and Self-Regulation
    Dr. Rick and Forrest continue their series on the stress responses with the “fight” response to stress. They explore anger, repression, and the balance of self-expression and self-regulation before talking about how we can claim the adaptive aspects of the fight response without falling prey to its more problematic aspects. A major focus of the episode is resentment and repression, alongside related topics like empowering yourself, managing expectations, and “experiencing out.” You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:15: The useful aspects of anger 5:40: Specific behaviors associated with the fight response 8:35: Giving yourself permission to express anger 13:40: Navigating resentment 21:40: Thwarted expectations as a source of unhealthy anger 32:05: Claiming your anger, and being wary of its seductive nature 35:45: Developing an authentic sense of empowerment 39:45: Going from complaint to request 43:30: Antidotes to unhealthy anger 52:40: Challenging authority without feeling intimidated or shamed 54:20: When we’re angry at ourselves 59:00: Recap I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there.  Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month! If you’re navigating something messy, call The Dr. John Delony Show. Dr. John shares practical advice on how to connect with people, face depression, overcome anxiety, and learn what it means to be well. Listen wherever you get your podcasts.  Transform your health with the ZOE Science & Nutrition podcast. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts. OneSkin focuses on delivering more than superficial results for your skin. Get started today with 15% off using code BEINGWELL at oneskin.co. Connect with the show: Subscribe on iTunes Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Forrest on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Visit Forrest's website

    Everything You Need to Know About Therapy

    Everything You Need to Know About Therapy
    In this mega-episode, clinical psychologist Dr. Rick Hanson and Forrest Hanson explore everything you need to know about therapy. They share how you can get more from therapy, finding the approach that’s right for you, and some perspectives on why therapy is so expensive. They then run through the five major schools of Western psychotherapy before discussing a few alternative modalities. You’ll learn how long to stick with a therapist before looking for alternatives, questions to ask a prospective therapist, and how to maximize your results. You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:40: The biggest factors that contribute to therapy going well 7:25: Finding the therapeutic modality that works for you 14:00: The cost of therapy, and the problem created by insurance companies 20:35: The five major schools of western psychotherapy 21:20: Psychodynamic therapy, and investigating the unconscious 23:20: Behavioral therapy, and variable reinforcement 25:55: Humanistic psychology, and seeing the good in yourself 29:05: Cognitive therapy, why insurance companies like CBT, and exploring our beliefs 36:15: Mindfulness-based therapies, and being with our experiences 41:15: Family systems therapy, social justice, somatic therapy, and non-Western thinking 46:20: The differences (and similarities) between therapy and coaching 52:40: How long therapy should take, and how to evaluate if it’s working 1:02:15: The role of client motivation  1:04:55: Questions to ask a prospective therapist 1:10:15: The importance of the therapist’s engagement 1:12:50: Common qualities Rick found challenging with past clients 1:16:05: The importance of internalizing change, and recognizing what’s really shifting 1:21:20: Recap Forrest is now writing on Substack, check out his work there.  Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month! If you’re navigating something messy, call The Dr. John Delony Show. Dr. John shares practical advice on how to connect with people, face depression, overcome anxiety, and learn what it means to be well. Listen wherever you get your podcasts.  Transform your health with the ZOE Science & Nutrition podcast. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts. OneSkin focuses on delivering more than superficial results for your skin. Get started today with 15% off using code BEINGWELL at oneskin.co.  Connect with the show: Subscribe on iTunes Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Forrest on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Visit Forrest's website

    Healing After Trauma with Dr. Peter Levine

    Healing After Trauma with Dr. Peter Levine
    Somatic psychology legend Dr. Peter Levine joins Dr. Rick and Forrest to explore how we can use body-based approaches to recover from traumatic experiences. Peter uses his personal history with trauma to illustrate the practices he’s taught to thousands of people through his work. They discuss the importance of resourcing experiences, creating safety, developing interoception, abandonment wounds, bringing a diverse perspective to somatic work, and working with shame.  Please be aware that this episode includes a description of sexual assault. About our Guest: Dr. Peter Levine is the creator of Somatic Experiencing and the Founder and President of the Ergos Institute for Somatic Education. He’s taught at a number of universities, has received Lifetime Achievement awards from numerous organizations, and is the best-selling author of several books, including Waking the Tiger, Healing Trauma, and his most recent book An Autobiography of Trauma: A Healing Journey. You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 2:15: Peter’s dream about publishing his recent book 6:40: Themes connecting the personal and professional for Peter 10:15: Physicalization, pendulation, and decontextualization of trauma 16:15: Presence with others, and moving gently into shame to move through it 20:55: The fundamental view that we our innately healthy, and completing the arc 23:05: When the prompt “feel it in your body” doesn’t work 28:15: Advice for when you don’t have access to therapy or a SEP practitioner 30:35: Tenderness 34:30: Anchoring in the here and now when accessing past memories 39:35: Conceiving of yourself as a source of safety 43:30: Generating your own internal wellbeing 46:20: Acknowledging the reality of your history, patience, and completion 49:45: Living by dying 52:15: Recap Offer from Dr. Rick: If you'd like to improve your self-worth, check out Rick's new 4-hour, live online workshop. You'll learn methods and practices that can actually change your brain and your habits, so you start nurturing your sense of worth and belonging. Our listeners can get 20% off with coupon code BeingWell20: https://selfworthworkshop.com/ Forrest is now writing on Substack, check out his work there.  Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors If you’re navigating something messy, call The Dr. John Delony Show. Dr. John shares practical advice on how to connect with people, face depression, overcome anxiety, and learn what it means to be well. Listen wherever you get your podcasts.  Transform your health with the ZOE Science & Nutrition podcast. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts. Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month! OneSkin focuses on delivering more than superficial results for your skin. Get started today with 15% off using code BEINGWELL at oneskin.co. Connect with the show: Subscribe on iTunes Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Forrest on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Visit Forrest's website

    Related Episodes

    Invisible Wounds Healing from Trauma: Episode 30: What is Mindfulness Really About?

    Invisible Wounds Healing from Trauma: Episode 30: What is Mindfulness Really About?

    Hey there, it’s Kerri! Thank you so much for joining me on this latest episode of Invisible Wounds Healing from Trauma. This is episode 30 and we’re going to talk about what mindfulness really is, and why it’s so important!

    I’m so glad that we’re walking the path towards healing together!

    So just a quick reminder, I’m not a clinician, counselor, or physician. I’m a Certified Trauma and Resiliency Life Coach, a Certified Trauma Support Specialist, Advocate, and someone with lots of lived experience with trauma. Also, the information presented in this podcast is for educational purposes only and not meant to replace treatment by a doctor or any other licensed professional. 

    Alright, let’s dive in!

    Mindfulness is a term we hear everywhere. Mindfulness meditation, being “mindful,” practice mindfulness. Just what does being mindful mean anyway? What does that look like and feel like?

    For a bit of background, mindfulness originated from ancient eastern, Buddhist, and Hinduist philosophy as far back as 2500 years ago! The term comes from the Buddhist concept of “Sati” which relates to the “moment to moment awareness of present events.” However, the more modern translation of “Sati” came in 1881 when Thomas Williams Rhys Davids, a Briton in Sri-Lanka, identified that mindfulness was the closest translation to the meaning of the concept of “Sati.” Although practiced widely in the East, it didn’t really become a “thing” here in the West until the 1970’s. Mindfulness first appeared in the United States because of Jon Kabat-Zinn, a professor of medication emeritus and creator of the Stress Reduction Clinic and the Center of Mindfulness in Medicine, Health Care, and Society at the University of Massachusetts Medical School. Kabat-Zinn first learned about the philosophical tenets of Buddhism while studying at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. In 1979, Kabat-Zinn opened the Stress Reduction Clinic at the University of Massachusetts Medical School. There, he adapted Buddhist teachings and created a program called “Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction,” or MBSR. This program put MBSR into a scientific framework and diluted the connection between Buddhism and mindfulness. But it still wasn’t until 1990 that his publication of “Full Catastrophe Living” brought global attention to his work. Since then, awareness and practice of mindfulness continued to grow. That’s your history lesson for today!

    Also, practicing mindfulness does not mean meditation! That’s one way to practice it, but by no means the only way! If you mediate and love it, that’s wonderful! For many of us with trauma histories, meditation can be extremely difficult. Trying to sit quietly with our thoughts in our head is typically something we avoid like the plague! We are already in our own heads enough, we sure as hell don’t want to go there on purpose!

    For me, learning about mindfulness began in learning about Trauma-Informed Care. I talk about that principle in different ways in almost every podcast. It’s “What happened to you” as opposed to “what’s wrong with you?” It’s the whole brain-body connection in experiencing trauma, our environment, our past learning histories, genetics, everything that has shaped us into the being we are right now. We’ve learned that in experiencing trauma, it affects how our brain wires itself, how our nervous system is always “on” scanning for danger, even when there is no present danger. That constant flood of chemicals throughout our brains and bodies, getting us ready for “Fight, flight, or freeze” prepares us for danger. Even though we aren’t in danger in the moment, our brain tells us we are. That’s one reason why so many of us have different mental health issues including anxiety and panic! We always wonder why our anxiety and panic levels can just suddenly come up out of nowhere, often without reason! I’m home, sitting, relaxing, watching TV, suddenly a panic attack hits! Our brain is doing what it’s supposed to, trying to keep us safe, we just have to find ways to shut off that constant threat mode, and remind it that it’s okay, we aren’t in danger right now thank you very much!

    Mindfulness is firstly awareness. It’s being aware: Aware of your surroundings, awareness of that moment, awareness of your breath, sounds, physical, mental, and emotional sensations. As survivors of trauma, our brains are almost always either in the past, or in the future. We can be flooded with memories of things, people, places, events, in which we were hurt. Sometimes they are just fragments of things, things we aren’t even really conscious of, but they’re there. Then we can be constantly worried about what’s going to happen next! Next could be the next minute, hour, day, week, month year, the rest of our lives, we worry about it all. So, we are either ahead or behind, but not really “here” in the now, in this moment. Our thoughts swirl around in our brains and that keeps us distracted, unfocused, not able to really to think clearly. We often try to distract ourselves by mindlessly scrolling through social media, YouTube, or online games. It’s avoidance, we are avoiding dealing with it all!  I do it too and I think of gathering my thoughts like trying to “herd cats” very difficult….but not impossible! In my very earliest episodes, when describing what trauma does to our brains and bodies, especially when we experience them in childhood, but it can happen at any age, our brain reverts to survival mode only. It shuts down everything but our basic survival functions. So, our heart beats faster, our breath comes quicker, our blood pressure goes up, our muscles tense up,  we are ready to respond to danger. Our brain shuts down the “thinking” part of the brain called the pre-frontal cortex that’s responsible for things like language, memory, impulse control, learning, logic, and reasoning. So, you really can only react to things, you can’t think things through, can’t question, can’t be logical. Mindfulness can begin by being aware that this is what is happening to us. Then we can plan to take some next steps in order to “flip the script” and become more aware of ourselves in the process.

    To begin with, it’s okay to slow down or stop. It’s okay to pause, to take a break, to be still. It’s actually more than okay it’s very necessary! We can’t go full tilt boogie physically and/or mentally all of the time, at some point, the machinery will break down, then we are often sick, physically, or otherwise. We have to begin to realize that we are living beings that need care. We are physical beings, living organisms that need more than just the basics to get by. We need more than just air, water, and food. Our brains and bodies are designed to do, learn, adapt, grow, and thrive: we can do amazing things! We are not here to just “get by” or just “get through” our days. We need to feed ourselves with new things, new challenges, new  opportunities to learn, and grow. We also thrive on connection to others; we really aren’t meant to

     

    spend our days alone. However, our traumatic experiences have altered how we see not only ourselves, but how we see the world around us. We’ve been in survival mode so long; we don’t know any other way. Anything we DON’T know or anything new is scary, we’ve learned to be afraid of anything challenging because we don’t believe in our abilities to be able deal with things. So, we don’t try, don’t take a chance. Our world becomes smaller and smaller and that just feeds into our feelings that something is “wrong” with us, why aren’t we like other people? Why do we struggle so much? Why can’t we just “be happy?” on and on it goes…

    Nothing changes overnight, boy I wish it did! We can’t change long-term, well-worn, habitual patterns overnight. Mindfulness begins with awareness, awareness of this moment. In this moment, if there is no real danger present, we are safe. We can practice breathing techniques, grounding exercises, and other mindful activities. For example, anything we do can be a mindfulness activity. Eating can be mindful. Many of us eat on the go, bolting down our food quickly, eating on “autopilot.” We often don’t make good food choices and can stress eat. That is totally me! I have bolted down my food for years. As a kid I didn’t want to have any part of my toxic family dinnertime! As I worked my first jobs, I was a waitress, shoving food in during a short break. Those habits kept on throughout my life. And stress eating? Hell yes! Food has always been my first line of comfort. So, to change this, think about planning a meal that’s good and nourishing for your mind and body. Prepare this meal with some excitement, thinking about how good this is for you. Plan to sit for this special meal you’ve created away from distractions. Turn off the TV, put away your phone. When you sit down for this special meal, you might think about appreciating this food and all of the things that made it possible.  As you are eating, eat slowly, chew thoroughly. Think about how your food tastes to you, think about all of the healthy nutrients as warm light spreading throughout your brain and body, nourishing every part of your being. You can elevate the experience of food to a whole new positive level! Another simple mindful activity is washing your hands. When you wash your hands, as you rub the soap over them, through your fingers,, feel the temperature of the water, how does it feel? Feel the connection of your hands rubbing together, connect to that feeling. Do this for about a minute to really bring that awareness to your mind. Literally anything we do can be made into mindfulness moments. When we shift awareness from those autopilot behaviors into this moment, into the “now” we create new neural pathways in our brains. We can see so many things more clearly, we can learn how to regulate or calm ourselves in so many ways. We can take these moments and be grateful that we are building new habits, new ways to see ourselves. It really makes such a difference in our healing process; I’d say it’s the first and most important step we can take for ourselves!

    As with everything else, it takes effort, practice, and intention. It’s a new goal we can set for ourselves, but we have to actually DO it, build it into our daily lives. I know that when we are struggling, everything feels like it takes too much energy, we just don’t have it. I feel that way so much! But we already know that the way things are going right now in our lives, aren’t working for us. We are looking to make changes or are at least thinking about it. So why not give something small, something doable, something simple a try? We have to start somewhere, sometime, someway, with something! So why not here, now, today, with one small thing you can try to being to practice mindfulness? It’s not going to hurt anything, it doesn’t have to cost anything, and it’s not that you have to change your entire life now, just

     

    something small, simple, and relatively easy to do. We take those baby steps forward, one tiny step at a time to create a new habit. After you practice it over time, it becomes a normal part of your routine. Then you can add in something else, so on and so on. It’s a pain in the butt to begin with but it is so worth it!

    So, this is where I like to close us out with a new exercise that we can add to that “mindfulness” toolbox we’re building together! Remember, you don’t have to do this now, or at all if you don’t want to, but you might just listen and tuck it away in your mind for future reference.

    This is a writing exercise. We are going to try and identify one small thing we can do and do it mindfully. If you’d like to try this with me, please get a notebook, a piece of paper, even a sticky note and a pen or pencil. You could even type it out in a word doc if you like. Whatever way you participate is fine, as long as it works for you, that’s what matters.

    I’d like to invite you to find a place that’s quiet, calm, and as free from distractions as possible. If you’d like you could light some candles, put on some quiet calming music, burn some incense, or use some of your favorite essential oils on the palms of your hands. Breath in the scent. Remind yourself that you are in a safe space, you are safe in this moment, in the now.

    We always start with our mindful belly breathing. Breathe slowly in through your nose, your belly naturally pushing out as you inhale, to a count of 5. Hold your breath for a count of 1. Then slowly exhale out of your mouth, your belly should naturally move in as you exhale, to a count of 5. Do this five times.

    Think about the different areas of your life. You could break these out in the following types for example:

    Physical, mental, emotional, environmental, social, financial, spiritual, personal growth, education, career, relationships, creative life, community, there can be many kinds. It depends on you and what you think is important.

    1.       Write down what you feel the different areas in your life are. If you only want to write down one or two, that’s perfectly okay.

    2.       Next, look at the different areas that you’ve written down. As you read through them, think about the importance of each one as it relates to YOU and your life, and what’s important to you, not what you think others would WANT you to choose as important. Write down your top two or three areas. If you only wrote one down, and that feels the most important right now, that’s your list.

    3.       As you look at this shorter list, look at what you wrote out as your most important area, the one that matters to you most right now. What part does this area play in your life? Write that out, any ideas, thoughts, feelings, you have about what this area in your life involves.

    4.       Thinking a bit more about this, and what you’ve written, does this area of your life impact or involve another person? If so, write out who it is, and how they are impacted by this area of your life?

    5.       Next, what is one thing you would like to see change in this area of your life? What would you like to have happen differently?

    6.       If this change to this area of your life were to happen, what effect would it have on you personally? Would you be less stressed, less anxious, more settled? Would it even bring you a bit of happiness, some joy, more connection? Would you feel more positive, a bit healthier, like you had a bit of control over your life and its direction?

    7.       Next, what is one small thing you can do, that is within your control to do, to take some action in beginning to bring this change from your paper to reality? Something that isn’t overwhelming, a small first step.

    8.       Finally, how will you bring this small step into your daily life? What time of day will you do this? How will you hold yourself accountable for making sure you’ve done this daily? For example, you can set reminders in your calendar on your phone or computer, use a task list with reminders, or even choose a friend or family member to be your “accountability buddy.” Remember, this should not feel like a punishment, just be a way to have some checks and balances in place to ensure that you are successful. It helps us to have a framework that’s supportive while we are building new habits.

    Whatever you choose to work on, small consistent efforts daily bring about long term and lasting change. You’ll have some days where it works, and others that it doesn’t and that’s okay. If you have an off day, just pick up the next day and get right back to it. Doing it consistently is the key, that’s how we learn, grow, and get healthier. If you need to change your approach, or times of day, or anything you need to in order to make it easier, do it, just don’t quit. Keep doing it. When we stop, we go back to being frozen, stuck, unable to move. We have to take action in order to make things better for ourselves, unfortunately, no one can do it for us. We have to actively participate in our OWN rescue. We’ll get there together,  I promise!

    I hope this exercise was something you found helpful, and it’s more tools to add to our “mindful” toolbox that we’re building together. Whenever you need to go to that toolbox and pull out any skill, we’ve learned in order to feel more grounded, safe, and connected, do it!! I have created a list of all of the techniques and exercises we’ve learned on my website invisiblewoundshealingfromtrauma.com and will add to it as we go along. I’ve also put each exercise to beautiful video and music on my YouTube Channel Invisible Wounds: Healing from Trauma! Please subscribe if you like what you see and hear!

    Thank you so much for taking the time to listen today, and please keep on listening! Wherever you listen, please like, subscribe, favorite, follow me, and share widely! What you think really matters to me too, so comment on the show, what you think, whatever’s on your mind. You can find me on Facebook at Invisible Wounds: Healing from Trauma, Twitter at Kerriwalker58, and my website invisiblewoundshealingfromtrauma.com.

    Look for my new episodes dropping every Monday on all of your favorite podcasts, music, and listening apps! Please take extra good care of yourself, and we’ll talk soon!

    Invisible Wounds Healing from Trauma: Episode 31: It’s Never Too Late: The “Psychology” of Hope!

    Invisible Wounds Healing from Trauma: Episode 31: It’s Never Too Late: The “Psychology” of Hope!

    Hey there, it’s Kerri! Thank you so much for joining me on this latest episode of Invisible Wounds Healing from Trauma. This is episode 31 and we’re going to talk about why it’s never too late and what hope is and what role it plays in our lives.

    I’m so glad that we’re walking the path towards healing together!

    So just a quick reminder, I’m not a clinician, counselor, or physician. I’m a Certified Trauma and Resiliency Life Coach, a Certified Trauma Support Specialist, Advocate, and someone with lots of lived experience with trauma. Also, the information presented in this podcast is for educational purposes only and not meant to replace treatment by a doctor or any other licensed professional. 

    Alright, let’s dive in!

    I really wanted to talk about why it’s never too late, for ANYTHING! When we are really struggling in any area of our lives, we can feel hopeless, helpless, stuck. We can get trapped in our own thoughts, they can cycle through the same things over and over again. Lather, rinse, repeat! I used to have 4 things that bounced around in my head constantly relating back to my traumas: Fear, anger, rejection, failure. With these thoughts cycling in the background of my brain all of the time, it was natural that I acted or REACTED accordingly. My environment also reflected these things. I ended up in jobs that fostered an environment of secrecy, punishment, power control, mind games, they were totally toxic. My relationships were all over the place too. I felt like I was frantically dogpaddling as fast as I could just to keep my head above water, but I was still drowning. I just didn’t see it. That chaos in our minds can spill over into every area of our lives. I pivoted so many times trying to make things better for myself, but I was doing so within these chaotic environment. I tried to remake, redo, reinvent myself so that I would be a better employee, friend, whatever the situation. I was trying to make everyone else happy, everyone except myself! I was miserable and couldn’t understand what was wrong with ME? No matter how hard I tried, it just wasn’t working.

    What I learned over my life was that it is never too late to change, to reinvent yourself, to start over. However, the key is that you have to do it for YOURSELF, not anyone else! That’s where the psychology of hope comes into play. Hope is a powerful thing. Hope is the reason we hang on to the “why.” The why is meaning, our purpose, our reason for existing. Just going through our days, especially tough ones, we are hopeful that tomorrow will be better. It can be, you can make it that way!

    With all of our traumatic experiences, life has taught us many difficult lessons. We get to the point where we don’t expect any better, we don’t feel better no matter what we seem to do. We are tired of trying, of starting over. Hope is that little voice inside of us that keeps us putting one foot in front of the other. We keep going in spite of it all. When we want to quit, somehow we keep moving. It’s pretty amazing actually that we do go on, some people don’t. Some people do stop living, stop going on. 

    I believe that each one of us was put on this earth for a reason. Every one of us has a purpose, something we were born to do. It’s hard finding out what that is with so much chaos, and awfulness inside of our minds, however. Sometimes we really do have to hit rock bottom before we are forced to make a change. I have been at rock bottom so many times in my life. I think the most pivotal moment of rock bottom was being homeless and hungry, with no place to go. That feeling of having no way out, no way forward is absolutely gut wrenching. That time in my life set me on the path to where I am now. It has been a very long road, with lots of missteps, bad choices, more trauma, but I learned. I was so low, that I decided to take a chance on a completely new path starting with my taking a job at a small rural domestic violence shelter in Ohio where I’m from. I needed a job, any job, I applied for it and got it. This was the beginning of me finding my passion, my drive in helping others. That little voice of hope kept me going, kept me trying. That rock bottom also a year later catapulted me into a cross county move with my son Ryan and his friend Kevin. The boys wanted to go to a specific school in Phoenix. My son casually mentioned that I should come too! I was stopped completely for a moment, I froze, as I thought about it. I’m almost 50, could I do it could I make that drastic of a change? Then, on the heels of that thought was “why not?” What have I got to lose? It was like a lightening bolt hit me! So, we got rid of literally almost everything we owned. We saved up between us a decent amount of money, not a lot, but we thought it would at least get us there! We left in December, a week before Christmas. We had 2 cars, in my small car were my 2 large dogs and in the trunk some clothes and some family keepsakes. In the boy’s car they had some personal stuff along with a motorcycle in the trunk. That was it! It was 3 full days of driving; it was quite a trip! We made it to Phoenix, and I remember all of us standing outside of our hotel room just staring at a palm tree! We were amazed and felt like we’d arrived on a completely different planet. The very next day, we found a house to rent, and we moved in immediately! We spent the next 5 days with no electricity or water and the utility offices were closed because of the holiday. We celebrated Christmas by standing around a small candle Kevin had put on the seat of his motorcycle still stunned that we were actually there, we made it! We’re still here over 10 years later! We have all become fairly successful, but not without a lot of bumps along the way. Am I exactly where I want to be in life right now? Nope! Do I see more growth and change on the horizon? Yes!! At almost 60, I still have things I want to do, new things to get accomplished!

    My message to you is that you don’t have to wait to hit rock bottom to make a change! Is it scary? Hell yes! Is the outcome uncertain? Absolutely! Is it worth it? Yes! I don’t suggest you do things the way we did, I think we got incredibly lucky. Or maybe it was designed perfectly, who knows? The biggest factor is having a desire to do things differently, to do things in a new way. We know that things aren’t working the way we want them to in our lives. We aren’t well, or happy, or fulfilled in what we are doing. We  might daydream about what we really want, see ourselves in a dream life, an amazing career, living in a different place, doing amazing things! Who says that can’t be a reality for us? Who says that we can’t have all of those things? WE DO! We tell ourselves it’s ridiculous, it isn’t possible, stop hoping for the impossible. Listen closely to this because it’s really important: The only limits we have on our lives are the limits we set for ourselves in our minds! It’s true! 

    While trauma has affected us deeply, and terribly, in order to survive, we throw up barriers and walls. Those barriers we throw up as protection, as safeguards against hurt, pain, and disappointment we have created ourselves in our minds! Trauma has taught us to be scared, to feel powerless, to not take chances. We’ve been hurt and disappointed so often in our lives, we have mentally built a steel cage around ourselves. It’s padlocked tight, we’ve stayed in it and thrown away the key! It keeps everything that could possibly hurt us out, it’s true. But it also keeps us locked inside, trapped. We limit ourselves to what is immediately around us in that cage. We lock ourselves in with all of our pain and hurt because that’s what we know! We shut ourselves away from new possibilities, new opportunities, new experiences. We miss out on so much in life. Without that key, without the will to get ourselves out of that cage, we are trapped in a prison of our own creation. So, we might potentially be safe, but at what cost?

    We need to really take a good honest and open look at ourselves and where we are. What are the limiting beliefs we have created around ourselves that are keeping us stuck? When we dream about what we really want, what do we see? Where are we and what are we doing? Is there one thing that keeps coming up to the front of your mind over and over again, something you really want? Your inner voice of hope is calling to you. You need to listen more closely to it, because it’s telling you it’s time to do things differently.  It’s time to retrieve that key and step out of that cage you’ve built into something new, something you want, something that speaks to who you really are as a person. Not what others tell you to do or how to be. This is you and only you. You have the key; you just have to use it! Does it have to be a drastic life altering all at once change? No, it doesn’t! You can start small, like we always talk about, with those baby steps forward. Just the idea of change is scary for us, but we can plan a bit in order to make it less overwhelming and make it feel more real, more doable. It’s uncomfortable and steeping out of our comfort zone feels terrifying, I get it! I’m still scared so much too, but the more I learn, the more I try things, the more confidence I have in myself and what I can do. If we try something, and it doesn’t work, it’s a learning experience nothing more. It’s not a failure or that you lack any abilities, it just wasn’t the right thing for you, and that’s okay. We have to re-learn how to be curious, like when we were children. We are born curious about everything that’s the way a child learns. I am constantly wondering about things, so I am often looking things up, researching, and learning, and I love it!  We can stop and say to ourselves “I’m curious about______”  “I wonder about ______?” “What would happen if I tried ____?” “If I try something and it doesn’t work out, what’s the worst that could happen?”  All of these questions can lead to a new understanding of what we want, what we’d like to learn about. We have choices, we really do. While we didn’t choose what happened to us, we can choose to move forward now.  We can chose new ways to learn, grow, and heal. We’ll get there together, I promise! I’m learning right along with you!

    So, this is where I like to close us out with a new exercise that we can add to that “mindfulness” toolbox we’re building together! Remember, you don’t have to do this now, or at all if you don’t want to, but you might just listen and tuck it away in your mind for future reference.

    This is a writing exercise. We are going to try and identify one small thing we can do to create change. If you’d like to try this with me, please get a notebook, a piece of paper, even a sticky note and a pen or pencil. You could even type it out in a word doc if you like. Whatever way you participate is fine, as long as it works for you, that’s what matters.

    I’d like to invite you to find a place that’s quiet, calm, and as free from distractions as possible. If you’d like you could light some candles, put on some quiet calming music, burn some incense, or use some of your favorite essential oils on the palms of your hands. Breath in the scent. Remind yourself that you are in a safe space, you are safe in this moment, in the now.

    We always start with our mindful belly breathing. Breathe slowly in through your nose, your belly naturally pushing out as you inhale, to a count of 5. Hold your breath for a count of 1. Then slowly exhale out of your mouth, your belly should naturally move in as you exhale, to a count of 5. Do this five times.

    We are going to explore ways to build hope in ourselves. We are going to be curious and ask ourselves some things that can help move us forward.

    1.       We talked about daydreaming, and how you see yourself in your “dream life.” When you see yourself in that best spot, that perfect space, what is it you are doing? If you had a magic wand and could magically transport yourself there, what is that perfect thing, place, or state of being you see for yourself? Write that out, what is it that you ultimately want for yourself?

    2.       Then, what would it take for you to get there? How would you get from “point A” to “point B?” The “how” of it isn’t important, rather, focus on the feelings. As you take steps towards this goal, how would that make you feel? Write out all of the feelings you can identify.

    3.       Next, think about a time from your past where you did something, and you were successful at it. Ask yourself these questions and write out your answers:

    a.       What did I accomplish?

    b.       Did I do my best?

    c.       What could I have done differently?

    d.       What did I learn?

    e.       How can I use this lesson as a way to grow?

    4.        Think about and create a  “what-if” plan. We can plan for things like obstacles, and we can also plan for success. Both can be scary, but having steps in place to prepare can help us. Ask yourself:

    a.       What happens if this doesn’t work out the way I had envisioned it? What then?

    b.       What happens if this works out as close to or exactly as I had envisioned it? What then?      

    5.       When you feel self-defeating, limiting, or negative self-talk come up (Your inner critic), how can you “flip the script”  in your mind? For example, when you think of all of the things that could go wrong with your plan to create change, ask yourself instead, what could go right? What is one statement you could create for yourself, to replace a negative thought with a more positive one? Write that out, keep it handy so whenever that negative thought pops up, you have your plan your statement ready to challenge it!

    As with all new things this takes work and practice, no magic wand unfortunately! But you can do this, you’ve got this! We will support each other every step of the way, cheering each other on!

    I hope this exercise was something you found helpful, and it’s more tools to add to our “mindful” toolbox that we’re building together. Whenever you need to go to that toolbox and pull out any skill, we’ve learned in order to feel more grounded, safe, and connected, do it!! I have created a list of all of the techniques and exercises we’ve learned on my website invisiblewoundshealingfromtrauma.com and will add to it as we go along. I’ve also put each exercise to beautiful video and music on my YouTube Channel Invisible Wounds: Healing from Trauma! Please subscribe if you like what you see and hear!

    Thank you so much for taking the time to listen today, and please keep on listening! Wherever you listen, please like, subscribe, favorite, follow me, and again share widely! What you think really matters to me too, so comment on the show, what you think, whatever’s on your mind. You can find me on Facebook at Invisible Wounds: Healing from Trauma, Twitter at Kerriwalker58, and my website invisiblewoundshealingfromtrauma.com.

    Look for my new episodes dropping every Monday on all of your favorite podcasts, music, and listening apps! Please take extra good care of yourself, and we’ll talk soon!

    Repost: MUD\WTR’s Shane Heath on How To Hire, Journaling Techniques and How Not to Use a Hyperbaric Chamber (:macro)

    Repost: MUD\WTR’s Shane Heath on How To Hire, Journaling Techniques and How Not to Use a Hyperbaric Chamber (:macro)

    FREEZE OUR FOUNDER: MUD\WTR’s Shane Heath faces his cold plunge challenge TODAY at 4 p.m. PST. Place an order in the MUD\WTR store before then, and we’ll add a little extra time to Shane’s total plunge time. Tune in to watch it all go down on IG Live: @drinkmudwtr 

    We're also donating 5% of all new sales to the MINDS Foundation, a group that provides mental health resources in India.

    While you’re stocking up on mud, listen back to our conversation with Shane where he tells the story of how a hyperbaric chamber nearly killed him.

    For weekly stories visit Trends w/ Benefits and sign up for our newsletter

    Reach out and send voice memos to podcast@mudwtr.com.

    Stalk us on Instagram.

    Want to join our cold plunge group chat? Here's the link.

    Invisible Wounds Healing from Trauma: Episode 32: How Practicing Gratitude Can Change Your Life!

    Invisible Wounds Healing from Trauma: Episode 32: How Practicing Gratitude Can Change Your Life!

    Hey there, it’s Kerri! Thank you so much for joining me on this latest episode of Invisible Wounds Healing from Trauma. This is episode 32 and we’re going to talk about practicing gratitude, and how it can make significant changes in our lives! 

    I’m so glad that we’re walking the path towards healing together! 

    So just a quick reminder, I’m not a clinician, counselor, or physician. I’m a Certified Trauma and Resiliency Life Coach, a Certified Trauma Support Specialist, Advocate, and someone with lots of lived experience with trauma. Also, the information presented in this podcast is for educational purposes only and not meant to replace treatment by a doctor or any other licensed professional.   

    Alright, let’s dive in! 

    I wanted to share with you the experience of practicing gratitude. It has really begun to change my life in so many ways. There is science behind the benefits of it, and there is a way to practice it so that it “sticks” in our traumatized brains! 

    The word gratitude comes from the Latin word gratia which, depending on how it’s used, means grace, graciousness, or gratefulness. Gratitude involves all of these things. Gratitude is being thankful and having an appreciation for what an individual has, receives, or experiences. We acknowledge the “goodness” in our lives. We can acknowledge and be grateful for ourselves too, what we’ve overcome, accomplished, and survived! This in turn can open us up to connecting outside of ourselves: connecting us to things bigger than ourselves, be it other people, nature, the environment, or even a “higher power.”  

    Positive psychology shows that practicing gratitude has a strong and consistent effect on being happier. Expressing gratitude helps us feel more positive emotions, we can remember and be grateful for our experiences. This can help us be healthier, get through challenges in a better way, and help build stronger relationships.  

    While for many, you can get a rush of joy or happiness after something really good happens, gratitude is acknowledging and being grateful for the small things, things that we often overlook. Things like the sun on our face, drinking a glass of water, a chat with a friend, the feel of your softest comfiest clothes on your skin, the smell of rain. Ther are so many small things that have an impact on us every day that we can be grateful for. 

    Now, I’m not saying this is easy! It isn’t! When we are stuck in that negative “doom loop” of thoughts that trauma constantly reinforces, it’s a hard habit to begin to break. Actually, even without trauma, everyone’s brain is initially primed this way! The human brain gives more “weight” to negative things. We tend to pay more attention to negative things, learn more from negative outcomes, and make decisions based on negative information and experiences rather than positive ones! The “bad things” that grab our attention and stick to our memories. Crazy, right? It can affect our motivation: We tend to think about what we might lose or have to give up in pursuing a goal, rather than what we will gain. Interestingly, research has shown that negative news is more likely to be seen as “truthful.” It garners more attention so it can “feel” more accurate. All of this is referred to as “negativity bias.” Researchers believe that this is likely due to evolution. Earlier in human history, paying attention to things that were negative, bad, and dangerous was literally a matter of life and death! Those people that paid attention to the negative things were less likely to take risks and therefore have a better chance at survival. This also means that these genes could be passed on to future generations! So, our brain is trying to do its job and keep us safe.  

    Research also suggests that this negativity bias starts when we are very small. While infants respond positively to their caretaker's facial expressions, tone of voice, etc., this changes at about a year old. Babies at this age begin to experience greater brain responses to negative things. So, negativity can be seen as genetic or hereditary and add traumas on top of that, it’s no wonder why we tend to see everything through a “glass half empty” viewpoint rather than the “glass half full!” So, for example you are so dreading going to work on Monday, that you don’t get to appreciate your weekend. Or you might be having a good day and one negative comment from another person “ruins” your whole day and you spend your time focused on that negative comment. As trauma survivors, many of us have that “all or nothing” thinking. So, it’s either all good or all bad, there is nothing in between. One small thing can derail us and keep us stuck. So how do we even begin to create gratitude practices when we are up against so much? 

    As always, we start small, one step at a time. When I first started my practice, every day mentally I would say inwardly “I’m grateful for my family, friends, and my pets.” There! I had practiced gratitude! Over time, I wondered why it didn’t help, why wasn’t it working? In researching a bit more, I found that there were ways to practice gratitude in a deeper way, to help connect it to my “soul” to make it stick! Gratitude is like a muscle that you can build, make stronger. We have to find ways to “flip the script” and change our automatic negative responses. Even negative things can have a positive element to them, we just have to look for it.  

    Say a friend cancels a planned outing you had with them at the last minute that you were really looking forward to. Your brain might jump to “they don’t really like me, or like spending time with me, they always do this” etc. Instead, you might acknowledge your disappointment but instead say to yourself “they must have needed to take some time for themselves, and I’m glad they feel that they are safe to do this with me.”  “I’ll be there for them when they need me.” “We can always reschedule.” Say you get a flat tire. Instead of thinking of all of the negatives associated with it, you could be grateful that you have a job to help pay for the repairs or be grateful that you have friends or family that will come to help you or drive you home. If rain spoils your planned picnic, remember that there will always be sunny and fair days to do it again. Be glad for the life-giving rain. Have your picnic indoors instead!  

    When we focus on the positive rather than the negative, we get a release of “feel good” chemicals in our brains called serotonin and dopamine. These are associated with greater happiness and pleasure. Thinking this way also reduces our stress hormones which can lead to less anxiety and boost your mood! As this positive “domino effect” continues, it can reduce symptoms of depression, anxiety, panic, etc. So, we might sleep better, focus a bit more, create self-esteem, and be more patient not only with others, but with ourselves. We find “glimmers” or threads of things throughout our daily lives we can be grateful for. It isn’t a magic wand, it won’t fix everything, but it is a positive first step in creating better things in our healing journey. So, we begin by being mindful, practicing being present in the now Go back through your “mindfulness toolbox” and practice anything we’ve learned together or find something YOU have found that works for you in order to be more present. Then create a gratitude practice plan My plan is that I practice my gratitude routine in the morning every day, while I’m having my coffee in bed. It sets the tone for my entire day! It does take some time, effort, and intention. Remember we are trying to change those well-worn pathways into new healthier ones. We learn, we acknowledge, we re-direct our thoughts, and we create change we need!  

    So, this is where I like to close us out with a new exercise that we can add to that “mindfulness” toolbox we’re building together! Remember, you don’t have to do this now, or at all if you don’t want to, but you might just listen and tuck it away in your mind for future reference. 

    This is a writing exercise. We are going to create a gratitude plan. If you’d like to try this with me, please get a notebook, a piece of paper, even a sticky note and a pen or pencil. You could even type it out in a word doc if you like. Whatever way you participate is fine, as long as it works for you, that’s what matters.  

    I’d like to invite you to find a place that’s quiet, calm, and as free from distractions as possible. If you’d like you could light some candles, put on some quiet calming music, burn some incense, or use some of your favorite essential oils on the palms of your hands. Breath in the scent. Remind yourself that you are in a safe space, you are safe in this moment, in the now.  

    We always start with our mindful belly breathing. Breathe slowly in through your nose, your belly naturally pushing out as you inhale, to a count of 5. Hold your breath for a count of 1. Then slowly exhale out of your mouth, your belly should naturally move in as you exhale, to a count of 5. Do this five times. 

    1. First, decide when you will practice your gratitude plan It can be anytime you choose but consider starting out your mornings this way. It really can start your day off in a wonderful way. 

    1. Think of what “tools” you will need for your practice. Writing is really important and empowering. Get a notebook, or even if you’d like, a dedicated special journal to write in daily. Get a writing implement you like; I like to use gel pens Whatever you use doesn’t have to be expensive or “flashy” it has to feel right for you. If you’d like to use an app, there are lots out there. However you do it, it needs to speak to you and your heart.  

    1. Place your notebook, or journal, and pen or pencil where it is easy to get to. I have mine right on my nightstand so I can get it and start writing in the morning when I am ready. If you are doing this on your computer, use whatever format is comfortable for you whether it’s word, acrobat, or any other tool.  

    1. Start out by identifying three things you are grateful for. Remember, this is going to reflect what YOU appreciate, no matter how small It might seem. If things don’t come to you right away, sit with it for a bit, and surrender to the moment. It will come. Whatever it is that you appreciate, write those out. You may have days where you write out what you are grateful for, and you won’t “feel” it but do it anyway. When that gratitude does come up, feel it in every fiber of your being. You could put your hand on your heart, feel that life, that feeling of thankfulness.  

    1. Bring gratitude mindfully into your day. Take time to stop a moment, breathe and think “I am grateful.” Take that moment to connect with gratitude, the fact that you ARE grateful and are working towards good and positive changes in your life, knowing that it will spill over into all parts of your life.  

    1. Below are lots of journaling prompts you can use daily. After identifying what we are grateful for, we can go deeper into what these things bring to us, what they mean to us, and how they make us feel. We can begin to be creative with our answers and descriptions. We can flex and strengthen that gratitude muscle.  

                  Journal Prompts 

    The more we practice, the more we open up our minds and hearts to what we DO have rather than what we don’t. Even in the darkest of times, we can find something to “anchor” us, something we can be grateful for. I remember in my most desperate times, I can look back now and be grateful for my body, that it kept me alive, and going in spite of everything. I am grateful that even in those most awful moments, when I wanted to give up, that small quiet voice within me refused to quit. I still have to challenge my thinking every day, re-direct my thoughts. But it’s really working, slowly, one step at a time. If I can get better, so can you! We are doing this together, and we’ll get there I promise, just don’t stop. Even if all you write is “I am grateful, I am writing in my gratitude journal” 3 times, that’s okay.  

    I hope this exercise was something you found helpful, and it’s more tools to add to our “mindful” toolbox that we’re building together. Whenever you need to go to that toolbox and pull out any skill, we’ve learned in order to feel more grounded, safe, and connected, do it!!  I’ve put each exercise portion of my podcast episode to beautiful video and music on my YouTube Channel Invisible Wounds: Healing from Trauma! Please subscribe if you like what you see and hear! 

    Thank you so much for taking the time to listen today, and please keep on listening! Wherever you listen, please like, subscribe, favorite, follow me, and again share widely! What you think really matters to me too, so comment on the show, what you think, whatever’s on your mind. You can find me on Facebook at Invisible Wounds: Healing from Trauma, Twitter at Kerriwalker58, and my website invisiblewoundshealingfromtrauma.com. 

    Look for my new episodes dropping every Monday on all of your favorite podcasts, music, and listening apps! Please take extra good care of yourself, and we’ll talk soon! 

    Invisible Wounds Healing from Trauma: Episode 22: The Price We Pay Is Way Too High

    Invisible Wounds Healing from Trauma: Episode 22: The Price We Pay Is Way Too High

    Hey there, it’s Kerri! Thank you so much for joining me on this latest episode of Invisible Wounds Healing from Trauma. This is episode 22 and we’re going to talk about the unintended “price we pay” in being involved in a relationship involving an abusive partner. I’m going to add a disclaimer here, because we are going to be discussing specific aspects of Domestic Violence or Intimate Partner Violence and it could be triggering. If it is, pause the episode. Do some mindful belly breathing, or any of the other tools we’ve learned, or one you like to use to get grounded, centered, and feel safe. Then come back when you’re ready.

    I’m so glad that we’re walking the path towards healing together!

    So just a quick reminder, I’m not a clinician, counselor, or physician. I’m a Certified Trauma Support Specialist with lots of lived experience with trauma. Also, the information presented in this podcast is for educational purposes only and not meant to replace treatment by a doctor or any other licensed professional.  An added note: If you are in a relationship where your safety, mental, physical, and emotional health are at risk, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for help in leaving the relationship safely and other resources. If you are in a situation where you feel you are in immediate danger, please call 911!

    Alright let’s dive in!

    In the last few episodes, we’ve gone over different types of relationships including abusive relationships, and how those of us with trauma histories can be particularly vulnerable to becoming involved with relationships involving abuse. I want to start off by reminding ourselves that IT IS NOT OUR FAULT! There is so much guilt and shame we associate with ourselves, and our choices. Our trauma histories have already gotten us to the point where we don’t believe in ourselves. Then our abusive partner just reinforces that belief by putting us down, telling us we’re “stupid” or we’re “no good.” We don’t think we can feel any lower than we already do, but layer on top of layer of that reinforcement sinks us right to the bottom.

    I hope these exercises are something you found helpful, and it’s more tools to add to our “mindful” toolbox that we’re building together. Whenever you need to go to that toolbox and pull out any skill we’ve learned in order to feel more grounded, safe, and connected, do it!! I have created a list of all of the techniques and exercises we’ve learned on my website invisiblewoundshealingfromtrauma.com and will add to it as we go along. I’ve also put each exercise to beautiful video and music on my YouTube Channel Invisible Wounds: Healing from Trauma! Please subscribe if you like what you see and hear!

    Thank you so much for taking the time to listen today, and please keep on listening! Wherever you listen, please like, subscribe, favorite, and follow me! What you think really matters to me too, so comment on the show, what you think, whatever’s on your mind. You can find me on Facebook at Invisible Wounds: Healing from Trauma, Twitter at Kerriwalker58, and my website invisiblewoundshealingfromtrauma.com.

    Look for my new episodes dropping every Monday on all of your favorite podcast, music, and listening apps! Please take extra good care of yourself, and we’ll talk soon!