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    Gaming Ruined my Boyfriend’s Life

    en-usJuly 07, 2022

    Podcast Summary

    • Maintaining a Healthy Relationship Requires Both Partners' EffortEncouraging mental health support and recognizing the importance of personal well-being are crucial for a healthy relationship. Patience, understanding, and commitment are key to overcoming challenges.

      Maintaining a healthy and fulfilling relationship requires both partners' active participation and effort. In this case, the speaker's boyfriend's depression significantly impacted their relationship, and despite the speaker's best attempts to support him, the situation continued to deteriorate. The lack of motivation, refusal to seek therapy, and increased emotional outbursts led to a strained connection. It's important to remember that relationships are a two-way street, and while offering support is crucial, it's also essential for both parties to take responsibility for their own well-being and mental health. The speaker's decision to encourage her boyfriend to try therapy again, and his agreement, presents a glimmer of hope for their future. However, it's essential to recognize that progress may not be linear and that both partners must remain patient, understanding, and committed to the relationship's growth.

    • Supporting a partner with depression: Balancing understanding and encouragementBe patient and understanding, but also encourage your partner to seek help and make positive changes for their mental health.

      Supporting a partner with depression can be a challenging balancing act. On one hand, it's important to be understanding and supportive, recognizing that their depression may cause them to behave in ways they wouldn't normally. On the other hand, it's crucial to encourage them to take steps towards improving their mental health, such as seeking therapy and reducing time spent on unhealthy coping mechanisms like gaming. The fine line between being supportive and pushing for change can be difficult to navigate, and it's essential to remember that ultimately, the decision to seek help and make changes lies with the partner. The speaker's feelings of being stuck between wanting to support her partner and feeling destroyed by his depression are valid, and it's important for both partners to communicate openly and honestly about their feelings and needs.

    • Supporting a partner through difficult timesAcknowledge the struggle and offer help, avoid abandonment during partner's difficult times, and remember it's a shared responsibility to improve the situation.

      Loving someone unconditionally in a relationship, especially during difficult times, can be challenging. It's essential to be emotionally supportive, but avoiding criticism and demands for emotional needs might not be the best approach. Abandoning a partner during their struggles, such as depression, can leave them feeling more isolated and potentially worsen their situation. Instead, acknowledging the difficulty of the situation and finding ways to help and support each other is crucial. It's important to remember that being a good human being involves helping those in need, not abandoning them. However, it's also important to recognize that the situation requires both partners' efforts to improve, and it's not a one-person responsibility.

    • Addressing Depression and Gaming Addiction in RelationshipsTo effectively address depression and gaming addiction in relationships, both issues must be treated concurrently using a comprehensive approach, such as dual diagnosis treatment.

      In relationships where one partner is struggling with depression and addiction to gaming, both issues need to be addressed simultaneously. The relationship between gaming and depression is complex, as gaming can be a coping mechanism for depression, but it can also worsen mood and exacerbate depression. Depression can lead to increased gaming, which in turn can worsen depression. This cycle can be difficult to break without addressing both issues at once. In psychiatric treatment, this concept is known as dual diagnosis treatment, where both the addiction and underlying mental health condition are treated concurrently. By neglecting one issue, progress in treating the other can be hindered. Therefore, it's crucial to approach this situation with a comprehensive understanding and solution.

    • Supporting a partner with depressionBalance empathy with self-care, communicate effectively, and seek outside support when needed to build a healthy relationship with a partner dealing with depression.

      When dating someone with depression, it's essential to find a balance between supporting them and taking care of yourself. While it's natural to want to be understanding and loving, it's crucial not to excuse all their behavior, as this can lead to a toxic and unhealthy relationship. Instead, focus on managing your emotions and seeking support from friends, family, or professionals. Then, have a calm and compassionate conversation with your partner, asking open-ended questions to understand their perspective without offering opinions. Remember, it's okay to express accountability and set boundaries while maintaining empathy. By practicing effective communication and self-care, you can build a stronger and healthier relationship.

    • Approaching sensitive conversations with care and understandingInstead of pressing for answers, express empathy and ask open-ended questions to encourage self-reflection and foster healthy dialogue.

      When dealing with a partner who avoids discussing sensitive topics, it's essential to approach the conversation with care and understanding. Instead of pressing for answers, focus on expressing empathy and asking open-ended questions that encourage self-reflection. For instance, "What can I do to support you?" or "What can you do to help yourself?" These questions can lead to productive conversations about how both partners can contribute to improving their relationship. However, be cautious when your partner tries to change the subject or make empty promises, as this could be a defensive mechanism to avoid the painful conversation. Instead, remain calm and persistent, and continue to express your concern and desire to work together to address the underlying issue. Remember, the goal is not to force a specific outcome but to foster a healthy and open dialogue that benefits both partners.

    • Communicating love and accountabilityEffective communication is vital in saving a relationship, especially when dealing with depression. Love and accountability go hand in hand, and both partners need to work together to find solutions.

      Effective communication and understanding the relationship between love and accountability are crucial in saving a relationship, especially when dealing with depression. It's essential to have open conversations about the role of love, responsibility, and accountability in the relationship. Love alone may not be enough to heal depression, and both partners need to work together to find solutions. It's important to approach these conversations with compassion and understanding, acknowledging that love does not excuse certain behaviors. By having clear and honest discussions, partners can come to an agreement on what their relationship entails and what each person is capable of contributing. Remember, love is an essential part of the equation, but it's not the only factor in overcoming challenges in a relationship.

    • Supporting a partner through depressionEncourage partner to reconsider breaking up, discuss reasons, recognize need for therapy, and ensure both contribute to relationship's growth and healing.

      When dealing with a partner going through depression, it's crucial to understand the nuances of supporting them without enabling harmful behaviors. If your partner attempts to break up due to feelings of helplessness, it's essential to respond with clarity and empathy. Encourage them to reconsider their decision and openly discuss the reasons behind it. However, it's equally important to recognize when accountability and therapy are necessary for the relationship's health. Avoid the cycle of enabling and disengaging from therapy. Instead, ensure both partners contribute to the relationship's growth and healing. Remember, being loving and supportive is vital, but it takes two to make a relationship work.

    • Addressing the root causes of depression in a relationshipClear communication and setting aside time for activities or tasks can help, but remember that depression can make it difficult for the other person to contribute, and individual therapy may be necessary before couples counseling.

      When dealing with depression in a relationship, it's crucial to address the root causes and encourage the other person to take responsibility for their part. This doesn't mean they have to do a lot, but clear communication about what is expected can help. For example, setting aside specific time for activities or asking for help with certain tasks. However, it's important to remember that depression can make it difficult for the other person to contribute, and it may be necessary for them to seek individual therapy before couples counseling. Ultimately, the priority should be on identifying and treating any underlying mental health conditions before attempting to work on relationship issues.

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    Links for the show:

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    PLEASE:

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    I love you. The end!

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    YT: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FXxEq0yOKDs 

    Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/codependency-and-food-weight-body-image-with/id1550681775?i=1000508146785

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    More deets on the episode: 

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    Thanks for coming on Cori! And thank you for listening, my dear listener!

    PLEASE:

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    Review.

    Subscribe. 

    Share.

    We need more ratings on Spotify! TY!

    -The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge

    -Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing 

    -If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email marissa@codependumy.com to work with me!

    -Sign up for the newsletter: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

    -Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

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    Dating Outside Your Culture with Noura Bermudez, LMFT

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    Links for the show:

    Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497  

    Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing 

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    www.instagram.com/bermudeztherapy/ 

    More deets on the episode: 

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    Noura opens up about codependency in her own life, including in her relationship with her father. She describes growing up and trying to meet his expectations and standards as a Muslim. This led to her keeping her dating life a secret from him since she dated outside her Muslim and Middle Eastern culture. She ended up marrying outside her culture and, while this put a strain on her relationship with her father, she was eventually able to heal it by putting intentional distance in their relationship and through conversations. 

    We shift gears to Noura’s specialty: dating interculturally! She describes what codependency with family can look like in women who date outside their culture: living a secret life, hiding, secrecy, yearning for her family’s approval, not feeling okay until the parents’ feel okay, strain in the relationship, feelings like resentment, and attempts to convince/negotiate with family to approve of their partner. Sounds like My Big Fat Greek Wedding, yes???

    Noura lists the short- and long-term consequences of codependency in these women, including sadness, a sense of grief, abandonment, underlying unhappiness, and attempts to conform to the family’s expectations by dating within the culture. Noura’s opinion: codependency and conforming with family’s expectations is not sustainable. 

    Noura encourages women who want to date outside their culture to prepare for their family having their own reaction, getting in touch with their values and their ‘why,’ leaning on their support system, and inviting conversations. For the harsher realities like racism, prejudice, and disownment that may come when attempting to date outside one’s culture, Noura encourages seeking professional help, setting boundaries, and cultivating one’s own autonomy. 

    We conclude with Noura emphasizing how radical acceptance, intentional distance, and having conversations with family can help the most in these situations. 

    Thanks for coming on Noura! And thank you for being here, dear listener!

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    See you next week! 

     

    Codependency in YA with Tess Brigham, LMFT

    Codependency in YA with Tess Brigham, LMFT

    -YA: Young Adult. What does codependency in Young Adults with their parents look like?

    -How does social media compound codependency and “comparison-itis?”

    -How can Young Adults stop caring so much about what others think to pursue their dreams?

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    Thanks for listening!

    More about this episode’s guest: Tess Brigham (LMFT, BCC) is a Licensed Psychotherapist and Board-Certified Coach and specializes in helping young adults learn to "like their now, now" and discover their unique life path so they can go out into the world and make an impact.

    www.tessbrigham.com

    Twitter: @MFTTess

    Instagram: tess_brigham

    Tess's handbook: https://3mg74tfz.pages.infusionsoft.net

    Check out:

    www.codependummy.com

    www.codependummy.com/challenge for the 30-Day Self-Validation Challenge!

    @therapywithmarissa on IG
    https://linktr.ee/codependummy

    More deets on this week’s episode:

    We begin with hearing about what brought Tess to work with young adults. “I didn’t find them, they found me.” She describes the vulnerability and critical milestones that young adults pass in their 20s and 30s which motivated her to work specifically with them. Heck yes!

    Tess shares with us her definition of codependency and how she witnessed that often when she worked with other battling addiction. Tess opens up about codependency in her own life, including with you son, where she unintentionally enabled his social anxiety in an unconscious effort to keep everything calm. 

    Tess describes ways she has witnessed codependency in the young adults she works with, especially where one young adult is highly codependent with one parent. Marissa opens up about aspects of her codependency in young adulthood and how that relates to social media. 

    Tess expands on how social media can lead to “comparison-itis” where we do things out of comparing or being compared to others. This can lead us to do things that are out of alignment with our true values so Tess helps her clients get in touch with what they want. 

    “What do you want?”

    Tess sympathizes with the young adults in her practice, as well as with our listeners, since they often do feel like they are “behind” if they aren’t measuring up to their peers. Tess shares ways to combat this type of thinking and reminds everyone “careers are long. Relationships are long. Lifetimes ARE LONG.”

    We conclude with a discussion on boundaries and how, after setting them, it’s okay and normal to have to set them over and over and over again. 

    Questions for homework:

    How does social media compound your codependency?

    Are you codependent with one parent in particular? How come you think that is?

    Do you struggle with feeling “behind?” How do you then put yourself into restrictive/rigid jobs, relationships, housing situations due to feeling “behind?”

    What do you want in this life? How are you working towards or against achieving that?

    Thanks for listening! 

    Tess's handbook: https://3mg74tfz.pages.infusionsoft.net

    Marissa’s info:

    marissa@codependummy.com
    www.codependummy.com/challenge

    @therapywithmarissa on IG

    Wanna work with me? Go to www.therapywithmarissa.com

    Help keep the lights on here: https://linktr.ee/codependummy