Podcast Summary
The real work of a monk is internal, not external: Monks advised Brandon to finish his education and focus on inner growth before becoming a monk
Becoming a monk wasn't just about the external actions, but the internal work. Brandon shared his personal journey of trying to become a monk at a young age, but being advised by the monks to finish his education first. After several years of studying and traveling to different monasteries, he ultimately realized that the real work of a monk was about the internal world, not the external. Brandon still practices these internal practices, such as mantras, to help focus his mind and stay present. The monks recognized that Brandon's desire to become a monk was driven in part by a desire to escape, and advised him to build a life worth giving up before making such a commitment. Brandon's teachers were wise in recognizing his need for personal growth and understanding, and their guidance helped shape Brandon's perspective on spirituality and the importance of inner focus.
A life marked by addiction and impulsive decisions: Despite a history of self-destructive behaviors and addictions, self-awareness and positive changes can lead to a better life.
The speaker's life has been marked by self-destructive behaviors, particularly addiction to various vices such as video games, alcohol, and drugs. These addictions led him to make impulsive decisions, miss opportunities, and damage relationships. He dropped out of high school, joined the Navy, studied premed, and even pursued a professional gaming career, all while struggling with addiction. He describes his early twenties as a time of being "permanently drunk" and his later twenties as a time of being "permanently high." Despite these challenges, he has gained control of his addictive personality and no longer drinks alcohol at home. He replaced alcohol with marijuana as a vice in his mid-twenties but has since stopped smoking it as well. The speaker's story serves as a reminder of the power of addiction and the importance of self-awareness and making positive changes.
The Speaker's Addictive Personality Led Them to Seek Escapes: Recognizing negative consequences and embracing the present moment can help break addictive cycles.
The speaker's addictive personality drove them to seek out various escapes, whether it be through substances like alcohol and smoking, or activities like gaming and trading stocks. These coping mechanisms provided temporary relief from overwhelming thoughts and anxiety, but ultimately led to more harm than good. The speaker realized this cycle needed to end when they recognized the negative consequences of their addictions and discovered the concept of living in the present moment through philosophy and therapy. By focusing on the present, the speaker was able to break free from their addictive patterns and find peace.
Mental conditioning for overcoming addictive behaviors: Recognize the distinction between your ego and identity to work on shaping your ego towards positive changes for better version of self
Focusing on the present moment and conditioning your mind towards positive changes can help overcome addictive behaviors. Brandon shared his personal experience of quitting a habit not through a sudden realization but through a gradual process of mental conditioning. He emphasized the role of his inner monologue or ego in guiding him towards the desired change. The ego, as Brandon described, is the active part of our mind where we have conversations with ourselves and it forms our identity as a person. However, it's important to note that our identity to others and the thoughts in our head can be different. By recognizing the distinction between our ego and our identity, we can work on shaping our ego towards positive changes, ultimately leading to a better version of ourselves.
Understanding the interplay of awareness, identity, and mind: Through self-awareness and personal growth, we can evolve our constantly changing identity and gain new perspectives on happiness and empathy, with potential aid from psychedelics.
Our identity is not fixed, but rather a constantly evolving construct shaped by our awareness, past experiences, and present mindset. The process of self-awareness and personal growth involves chiseling away at our identity through gradual changes. The yogic model highlights three distinct parts of our internal experience: awareness, identity, and mind. Awareness, which is the present-moment observer, can help us break free from negative cycles and understand empathy. Identity, on the other hand, is shaped by our past and future experiences and can be challenging to change. Our mind holds both past and future thoughts. The speaker shared their personal journey of dealing with empathy and social cues, and how they used MDMA to gain a new perspective on happiness and empathy. Research organizations like MAPS are exploring the potential of psychedelics in aiding personal growth and understanding of empathy.
Psychedelics: Healing Experiences and Risks: Psychedelics offer potential benefits but come with risks. Seek guidance and safety measures before use. FDA approval predicted in 2022, but wait for safe and therapeutic use.
Psychedelic substances, while they may hold potential for improving lives, come with significant risks. Doctor K shares his experiences with patients who have had both successful healing experiences and those who developed mental health disorders. He advises against using these substances without proper guidance and safety measures, as the quality and safety of these substances can vary greatly. Doctor K also shares his personal experience of growing up in a dysfunctional family environment, which affected his ability to understand normal human relationships and empathize with others. He shares an incident from his past as a professional gamer, where he got drunk and hurt a teammate with hurtful words, illustrating his lack of empathy and understanding of social cues at the time. The FDA approval for these substances in the United States is predicted to happen as early as 2022, but it's important to wait until they can be used in a safe and therapeutic manner.
Understanding complex emotions during childhood: Growing up with parents going through a divorce left the speaker feeling confused and disconnected, but as they grew older, they were able to empathize with both perspectives and gain a better understanding of their parents' motivations and emotions.
Understanding complex situations and emotions, especially during childhood, can be challenging. The speaker shares an experience of growing up with parents who went through a divorce, leaving them feeling confused and disconnected. They express difficulty understanding their parents' motivations and emotions during that time. However, as they grew older, they were able to empathize with both perspectives and gain a better understanding of why their father made the decision to leave and start his own business despite the challenges it presented for their family. This experience of not fully comprehending situations and emotions, particularly during childhood, has been a recurring theme in their life. Despite this, they maintain a good relationship with their family and have had conversations with their father about his experience.
Understanding Others and Ourselves: Empathy and understanding others is essential, but don't forget to acknowledge and address your own emotions and reactions.
Understanding other people's perspectives is important, but it's also crucial to recognize our own emotions and reactions. The speaker shared a story about a person who felt trapped in life and made a hurtful decision. The speaker tried to understand why the person did it, but also acknowledged the hurt caused by the decision. The speaker emphasized that everyone deals with difficult situations, and while it's understandable to feel trapped, it's important to learn how to cope instead of running away. The speaker also reflected on their own growth and the importance of developing empathy, but also recognized the need for self-reflection and understanding one's own emotions. In essence, the takeaway is that empathy and understanding are key, but so is recognizing and addressing our own emotional reactions and needs.
Acknowledging and processing lingering emotions: While forgiveness is important, moving past emotional baggage from past traumas requires self-awareness and ongoing growth.
Forgiveness and moving past past traumas are two different things. While Brandon may have genuinely forgiven his father for the pain caused during the divorce, he may not have fully moved past the emotional baggage associated with the experience. The conversation highlighted the importance of acknowledging and processing lingering emotions, even if one has forgiven the person responsible. It's a reminder that self-awareness and growth are ongoing processes. Brandon's story also underscores the complexities of family dynamics and the long-term impact of divorce on children. Despite the challenges, Brandon's resilience and ability to find solace in video games and online communities demonstrate the human capacity to adapt and find joy in unexpected places.
Childhood Escapes and Excessive Gaming: Excessive use of technology as an escape from real-life challenges can lead to neglected responsibilities, strained relationships, and unaddressed emotional issues.
The internet provided an escape for the speaker during their difficult childhood, leading to excessive gaming and neglecting real-life relationships and responsibilities. They grew up without meaningful conversations with their parents, which carried over into their interactions with others. In high school, they became addicted to World of Warcraft, causing them to neglect their studies and relationships. During this time, they felt overwhelmed by thoughts of the future and past but avoided dealing with them by immersing themselves in the game. Overall, their experiences highlight the potential risks of excessive use of technology as an escape from real-life challenges.
Seeking validation and belonging in unexpected places: People find value and connection in unexpected places, like online gaming communities, when they feel ignored and unnoticed in real life. However, virtual connections can't replace the depth and complexity of real-life relationships.
People seek validation and a sense of belonging, even if it comes from unexpected places like virtual worlds. The speaker shares how he felt a lack of emotional connection and value in his real-life relationships, leading him to find meaning in the online gaming community. He felt appreciated and valued for his skills and contributions in the game, which was a stark contrast to his experiences in the real world where he felt ignored and unnoticed. The discussion also touches upon the concept of escapism and how it can be a coping mechanism for dealing with difficult emotions and situations. However, it's important to note that while virtual connections can provide temporary relief, they cannot replace the depth and complexity of real-life relationships.
Observed trend of autism traits among gamers: Gaming could be linked to traits of autism, such as obsessive behavior and difficulty with social cues and empathy. This may be due to learned behavior or rusting of empathy-related brain areas from online interactions.
There may be a connection between being a professional gamer and having traits associated with being on the autism spectrum. The speaker notes that they have observed this trend among gamers, particularly in relation to obsessive behavior and difficulty with social cues and empathy. However, they also suggest that this could be learned behavior rather than something inherent. The speaker shares their own experiences of struggling with social relationships and empathy, particularly during their teenage years. They also propose a theory that online relationships can lead to a rusting of the parts of the brain responsible for empathy and understanding social cues, making it easier for gamers to interact online than in person. Ultimately, the speaker believes that the high prevalence of social difficulties and empathy issues among gamers, combined with the fact that gaming is now a majority pastime, suggests that there may be a correlation between the two.
Difficulties in processing social cues and interacting effectively in person for gamers: Effective communication and emotional intelligence training can enhance academic performance and esports team performance.
Our extensive use of technology and online communication can lead to difficulties in processing social cues and effectively interacting with others when we're in person. This issue was highlighted in a personal experience with a gaming team living together for months, where they struggled to deal with conflicts and understand each other's emotions. Research supports this, as a study involving 12,000 students in America showed that social and emotional skills training improved their academic performance by an average of one letter grade. In the context of esports teams, communication skills training has been found to help teams perform better, although the impact can be challenging to measure due to the variability in tournament results. The speaker's own experience reflects this, as they felt isolated and unmotivated during community college, leading them to join the Navy instead. The importance of effective communication and emotional intelligence is clear, and it's encouraging to see that these skills are increasingly recognized and addressed in various settings.
The Military: A Stressful and Complex Experience: Joining the military can be rewarding with travel and cultural experiences, but also comes with intense stress, lack of control, and potential for arbitrary punishments, leading to a high suicide rate.
Joining the military can be an extremely stressful experience due to a lack of control over one's life and the possibility of arbitrary punishments. The intense training and pressure can lead to mental turmoil and, in some cases, even suicide. Despite the challenges, individuals may also find travel and cultural experiences rewarding. The speaker's decision to join the Navy was driven by a desire to change his life, but he found the experience to be more stressful than he anticipated. The military environment is filled with a diverse range of people, some of whom struggle to cope with the demands and pressures. The speaker's mother was initially supportive but concerned, and he was eventually able to travel and gain new experiences. However, the stress and lack of control over his life took a toll on him, and he encountered several instances of arbitrary punishment. The high suicide rate in the military is a significant concern, and the speaker personally knew many individuals who had taken their own lives. Overall, the military experience was a complex and challenging one for the speaker, filled with both rewards and hardships.
Questionable implementation of mental health efforts: Despite organizations addressing mental health issues, the quality and impact of these programs can be limited due to unqualified leaders, stigmatizing approaches, and lack of effective solutions.
While organizations may check a box when it comes to addressing mental health issues, the implementation and effectiveness of these efforts can be questionable. The military, like many institutions, provides suicide prevention training, but the quality and impact of these programs may be limited. The use of unqualified individuals to lead these sessions and the stigmatizing approach to mental health in certain settings can even worsen the situation. This is not unique to the military, as evidenced by the discussion of Reddit's mental health support bot and the punitive approach to suicide prevention in prisons. It's crucial to critically evaluate these efforts and strive for more meaningful and effective solutions. Brandon's personal experiences highlight the importance of self-care and alternative methods like psychedelics in managing mental health.
Understanding why professional gamers tend to be younger: Neuroscience insights into hyperfocus could explain why gamers' careers are short-lived, with an average length of 2-4 years.
As our lives expand and we begin to care about more things than just one focus, such as video games, our minds may have a harder time achieving the same level of hyperfocus. This phenomenon is not unique to everyone, but it's a common experience for many, especially in professional gaming communities. As players age and their priorities shift, their brains may subconsciously pull them away from their previous intense focus. This can be due to concerns about school, jobs, relationships, or other normal life matters. Understanding the mechanisms behind achieving hyperfocus from a neuroscience perspective could provide valuable insights into why professional gamers tend to be younger, with an average career length of around 2 to 4 years. For instance, in DOTA, top tier teams often have older captains, and some players have been competing in MOBAs for close to a decade. This longevity could be attributed to the player population and the specific demands of the game.
Breaking into competitive gaming becomes harder due to accumulated knowledge and experience of existing players: Focus and dedication are crucial for improvement in complex esports games, mental training plays a vital role, and professionals optimize performance in both traditional sports and esports.
As the player population in competitive gaming grows, the competition becomes more intense, making it harder for new players to break in due to the accumulated knowledge and experience of existing players. The focus and dedication required to excel in these complex games is a significant barrier, much like in traditional sports where physical limitations limit practice time. However, in esports, there is no such limitation, making the ability to maintain focus during training a crucial factor for improvement. The discussion also highlighted the importance of mental training and the role of professionals in optimizing performance, whether in traditional sports or esports.
Pressure and expectations in gaming can lead to emotional instability: Maintaining balance and enjoying gaming can prevent emotional instability and improve focus
The pressure and expectations of being a professional gamer can lead to a loss of focus and enjoyment, causing emotional and mental instability. This was the experience of the speaker, who felt their value and ability to perform were slipping away, leading to stress and anxiety about their future. They tried various methods to regain their focus, but ultimately realized they had lost their initial passion for the game and were playing out of habit rather than enjoyment. This negative cycle can make it difficult to achieve the hyper-focused state required for optimal performance. Emotional processing and support can help break this cycle and improve focus. Ultimately, maintaining a balance between gaming and other aspects of life can help prevent the intense pressure and expectations that can lead to this negative experience.
Struggling with Close Relationships: Despite recognizing the value of relationships, Brandon finds it hard to fully engage due to past experiences of self-reliance, leading to a sense of disconnect and a desire for closer connections.
Brandon is struggling with the concept of forming and maintaining close relationships due to his past experiences of being alone and self-reliant. He recognizes the value of shared experiences and friendships but finds it difficult to fully engage and process them due to his ingrained habit of dealing with things on his own. This results in a sense of disconnect and a desire for closer relationships that he feels ill-equipped to achieve. Brandon's use of abstract language during the conversation highlights the complexity of his feelings and the need for more concrete examples and strategies to improve his ability to connect with others.
Brandon's Misunderstanding of Friendship: Brandon mistakenly believes his deficiency in friendships stems from a lack of problem-solving skills, but it's actually due to his focus on logic over emotional connection.
Brandon feels a sense of deficiency in his friendships and believes it's his fault due to his tendency to over-explain and logically analyze situations instead of focusing on the emotional connection. He feels like he's playing catch up in social interactions because he spent the first 20 years of his life isolated, mostly on the computer. The root of the issue is a misdiagnosis – Brandon is not lacking the ability to solve the problem, but rather, he's trying to address the wrong problem. Instead, he needs to learn a new approach to building and maintaining friendships, focusing on emotional connection and shared experiences rather than logical explanations.
Recognizing when blame isn't ours to carry: Understanding root causes of self-blame, challenging patterns, and seeking deeper connections can help us progress and form healthy relationships.
It's important to recognize when we're taking on blame that isn't ours to carry. This can lead to a cycle of self-blame and feeling powerless to change situations. While it may seem comforting to believe that everything is our fault, it can actually limit our ability to fix problems and form healthy relationships. Instead, understanding the root causes of our feelings of deficiency can help us make progress and consider new possibilities. It's also essential to be aware of the patterns and routines we've developed that keep us from getting closer to others, and to challenge ourselves to consider the potential benefits of building deeper connections.
Fear of vulnerability and control in relationships: Genuine connections require mutual respect and understanding, not control and manipulation.
Controlling interactions with others and denying them the choice to accept or reject you can lead to a lack of genuine connections. The speaker in this conversation expresses a fear of showing vulnerability and being perceived as an intense or overwhelming person. However, by withholding themselves and not giving others the opportunity to truly get to know them, they are perpetuating a sense of distance. It's important to remember that genuine friendships cannot be built on control and manipulation, but rather on mutual respect and understanding. The speaker's fear of disingenuousness may stem from past experiences of superficial relationships, but it's crucial to recognize that the streaming world or any social scene can be a place for genuine connections if we are open to letting others in and accepting them for who they are.
Overcoming Fear of Vulnerability in Friendships: To build stronger friendships, practice vulnerability and self-expression through sharing hidden thoughts or experiences during meditation.
The speaker is struggling with the concept of genuine friendships and the fear of being stuck in unauthentic relationships. They are trying to cultivate real connections but are holding back due to past experiences and a fear of vulnerability. The speaker believes that their mindset of viewing friendships as circumstantial may be hindering their ability to form deeper connections. To overcome this, the speaker is encouraged to reach out to people and share hidden thoughts or experiences as a part of their meditation practice, not as a means of forming new friendships but as a way to practice vulnerability and self-expression. This exercise is suggested to help the speaker overcome their fear of sharing and build stronger, more authentic relationships.
Embracing vulnerability for growth and deeper connections: Sharing feelings of vulnerability can lead to growth and deeper connections, despite fear of rejection. Past experiences may cause us to hide these feelings, but observing reactions can teach us that people do care.
Acknowledging and sitting with feelings of vulnerability and ugliness, despite the fear of rejection or being perceived as "pathetic," can lead to growth and deeper connections with others. Our tendency to hide these feelings and lean on logic instead can stem from past experiences of not being cared for or validated. However, by sharing these feelings authentically and observing the reactions, we can learn to trust that people do care and give them the opportunity to show it. It's important to remember that everyone has their own struggles and it's not a sign of weakness to open up and ask for help or care.
