How to Deal With Morning Tantrums (& Aggression)

Does your child take forever to work on that math assignment?   How long is long enough? Every kid has THAT subject in their schoolwork. It takes them forever to do and seems to be an infinite source of frustration. 

Thankfully, there is freedom and even benefits in calling it quits at the right time.

Today I'll talk about the mistake of pushing our children to do every problem. Hitting a certain number of problems alone does not accomplish the education we seek for our kids. Small chunks over time yield fruit. 

How do you eat an elephant?  One bite at a time.  

In this episode, you’ll hear:

• A mama's concern for her child’s slower processing speed,
• My experience with my daughter’s multiplication struggle,
• Methods for effective and stress-free learning

Time stamps:

2:05 Children with slower processing speeds

2:41 The problem with doing ALL the problems

3:29 Goal of education

4:12 Effective stress-free learning method

5:48 Teaching my daughter three-digit by two-digit multiplication

6:51 Our children want to do a good job for us

Related Links From This Episode:

• Episode Website: How Long Is Long Enough
• Homeschooling The Unregulated Child

When homeschooling our kids, it's easy for us to get overwhelmed when our kids are struggling to learn.  Add in our kids' frustrations and their overwhelm can result in difficult behavior such as meltdowns and "tantrums".    

And how we respond as parents makes all the difference. 

In today’s episode, I chat about how God’s grace changes the way we help our children through their hard behaviors. He is big enough to handle our tantrums as adults and He is certainly big enough to handle our kid’s tantrums. 

In this episode, you’ll hear:

• My experience with both my own and my daughter’s frustration with learning a new math concept
• How our relationships with our kids and homeschool lessons can not be separate
• And how God’s grace applies to teaching our children

Listen in and see if this resonates with you.  And if you're looking for more support to help your child navigate their own frustrations with learning, check out The Unregulated Child: Sensory Systems & Self-Regulation in Your Home & Homeschool. 

Time Stamps:

4:23 My daughter’s frustration with algebra

7:28 How God sees our frustration

8:19 Continual pushing breaks relationship

8:58 God’s BIG Grace

10:50 We can’t control our kids

Links from this episode:

• Website home: www.aheartforallstudents.com
• Homeschool Parent Training: Homeschooling the Unregulated Child
• RELATED EPISODE: Zones of Regulation & Self-Regulation For The Family
• Barely Surviving To Outright Thriving Online Course For Moms

Should you train your kids to obey right away?

That’s the question and that’s the topic I’m discussing in today’s episode. 

A sweet friend of mine asked this question a year ago and I answered her in a Facebook Live.  She asked this:

“I was at a parenting conference this weekend.  The person leading the workshop told us that it was our job as parents to teach our children to obey right away.  He said we needed to expect this of our kids because that’s how we train our children to listen to and obey the Holy Spirit.   This didn’t sit well with me.  What do you think?”

Well, as you can imagine, I had lots to say about it.  I remember hearing this from dear friends as we parented our kids in the earlier years.

Ultimately, if it was ever possible for any of us to obey right away we would not need Jesus. All throughout the Old Testament we see the Israelites desperately trying to obey all the laws.  To obey right away and yet they never could.  They failed miserably over and over again. 

And in God’s ultimate wisdom, provision and love, He chose to send His Son to live the perfect life for us because we will never be able to do so on our own.  Friends, we can never do it perfectly.  We are considered righteous because of Christ’s work and not our own.  

So where does this idea of obey right away come from and how do we discipline our kids well?

I discuss this concept deeply in my book Behind the Behavior as well as in my online course Barely Surviving To Outright Thriving.  

If you’re Christian mom who has struggled with an overwhelming sense of guilt when your child continually displays challenging behaviors, this is the episode for you.   

Listen in.  And be encouraged and equipped.  Don’t forget to subscribe and write a review if you found this helpful.   Shoot me an email at Lindsay@aheartforallstudents.com  Would love to hear your thoughts.   In this together!

If you are new to the idea of home education, you may be one of those moms looking to know how to homeschool.  It is not school at home.  Homeschooling is a lifestyle focused on educating each individual child so that they grow into a thriving adult.

So if you are overwhelmed and searching for answers as to how to homeschool, give yourself lots of grace.  Learning anything is a process and does not happen overnight.

With everything in life, internal motivation is the game changer that propels us forward in any endeavor.  We want our resistant readers to learn to enjoy the experience without stressing about making mistakes.

Conversations and dialogue between a trusted adult and a child is not only life-giving but also build up language and reading comprehension skills.

Bottom line, when you read aloud to your child of any age, you remove barriers to reading, increase foundational language skills and deepen relationships.

Win!  Win!

Related Resources:

1. How to Help a Struggling Reader: The Mother of All Guides
2. Orton Gillingham Approach and All About Reading- Why They Work!
3. How to Choose the Best Homeschool Language Arts Curriculum!

Do you have a kid who melts down at the slightest frustration?   

Wait... Is that you banging your head against a wall? 

I get it.  I really do.  I know how brutal it can be to navigate our kids' intense emotions and behaviors.  Because the reality is that when our kids are struggling, melting down, are irritable, refuse all the things... it's exhausting and frustrating.

If we want to do more than just survive the hard days, we moms need to equip our kids with self-regulation tools. 

In today's episode, I'm sharing one of my favorite self-regulation tools, the Zones of Regulation chart.  More importantly, though, I'm discussing the importance of self-regulation and executive functioning for the entire family.

The truth is that it's not just our kids with ADHD, Autism, sensory processing and behavioral "issues" that need help with self-regulation and executive functioning.  Nope, adults need to focus on their own skills as well.  And that includes me, Friend.  Truly it does.

We are all just people.  Parents and kids alike.  And it's crucial that we understand that we're all a part of the dynamic.  And while it's so hard to parent a child who doesn't fit in the box, the number one thing we can do to support these amazing (and God-designed little people) is to love them through a relationship.

And that means that for us to respond well when our kids have meltdowns, tantrums, or simply refuse to do anything they're asked at home or in our homeschools, we've got to be our healthiest selves as often as possible.  (Let's be real--- no mom is ever going to be perfect at this--- especially me.  We're shooting for a new pattern- not perfection).

I'm also excited to announce the release of my new in-depth training: Homeschooling The Unregulated Child: Self-Regulation in Your Home & Homeschool.  In it, I'll teach you all about God's design of the brain, and sensory systems and how both impact behavior and learning.  Then I teach you how to move forward with your child.  Get excited!  This is good stuff!

Listen in and circle back to me with questions and thoughts.  In this together!

Help!  "My kid hates math!  I hate math!"

Math.  You either love it or you hate it.   Our kids either love it or they hate it.

I hear you and I hear this all the time from moms and kids.  The problem is that often it's just the way we approach teaching math (or any subject) that gets in the way of our kids' ability to learn.  I'm no exception.

The traditional education model is so deeply engrained in our collective minds, that we are often held back simply because we don't check those expectations at the door.  I've been doing this a long time and I too catch myself falling into the "school has to look this way" trap.

When it comes to math, we've got to be careful not to fall into these traps that can prevent our kids and ourselves from moving forward.  Again, I'm preaching to myself here. 

This is especially important when homeschooling our kids who have learning differences such as ADHD, Autism, dyscalculia, or other executive functioning issues. 

So, in today's episode, I offer 11 homeschool math teaching tips for how to best teach math to struggling students.    Listen in, see what resonates and give them a try.  Circle back to me and let me know what you think.  Ask your questions and together, we can change the narrative for our uniquely-wired thinkers. 

And get excited because I've just release Homeschooling The Distracted Child: Priming the ADHD Brain For Learning.  I presented this training at the 2020 NCHE Summit for Teaching Exceptional Children.  Now you can have lifetime access to this in-depth homeschool mom teacher training to support your ADHD student. 

I also share one of my new favorite homeschool resources Cross Seven Classical Memory Work.  Ah-MAZING!!!  I've been using it for about a month now and I cannot be more excited about this program.  I'm a HUGE fan of memory work as an essential tool in the learning toolbox and Cross Seven is AMAZING!  Did I tell you how AMAZING it is?!!!  Check it out for math memory work (memorize those math facts for good!) and so much more.

And I also mention Times Tales Multiplication Memory System.  Both of these resources are fantastic for supporting your child's foundational math skills.  Check them out!

This contains affiliate links.  However, I will never recommend anything that I don't stand behind.  Thank you for your support, Friend!!    :)

What do we do when our kids are out of control?  When our kids' first response to frustration is to chuck things across the room or to kick and scream and hit?

Tara, a sweet momma from A Heart For All Students private community, asked me this question last year.

My boy turns into the Hulk when he is mad!  What do I do?"

In today's episode I speak to Tara's problem from a lot of my own personal experience.   Tara, you are not alone, Friend.

When we were in the thick of it with my son, he hit, kicked, bit, screamed, threw everything and more.  It was awful.  Sadly, for years I felt completely alone and isolated when none of the good Christian parenting strategies I knew to use worked. 

It took years for me to finally realize that this child needed a new approach to parenting and that required me to SHIFT MY THINKING.

Today we discuss two of the four steps of the 4 step parenting framework in my recently released parenting course, Barely Surviving to Outright Thriving.

1. Relationship
2. Emotional Vocabulary

I will specifically walk Tara through her scenario with the exact steps I recommend to use with our kids when they are in full-blown meltdown mode.   Step by step, I'll walk everyone through a meltdown and how to navigate it with confidence.

We address self-regulation, executive functioning and God's brilliant design when He made our kids SMALLER than us when they don't have a fully developed prefontal cortex. 

Who knew it's ok to not freak out when our little kids hit us?  I'll tell you why it's ok to take a deep breath and respond differently. 

So, that's why we're here today.  Listen in, be encouraged, and regardless of age or diagnosis, know that these principles work.  You've got this, Momma!

Don't forget to subscribe & write a review if you found this episode to be helpful.  Grateful for you.  In this together!  One mom at a time, we can change the narrative for kids with ADHD, Autism, anxiety or no acronym at all. 

For more homeschooling and parenting support, visit me at A Heart For All Students. 

Join Barely Surviving To Outright Thriving and find freedom from the chaos and move the needle forward with your child.  

I recently posted a question to the moms in A Heart For All Students Private Facebook Community. 

"It's Saturday!  Another school week in the books.  What do you hope will be different next week and how can we help?"

One of our moms replied with this:

"We finally decided to do family photos after like 5 years. Scheduled them several weeks ago for Saturday & ...my daughter got sick.  We had to cancel. The best part is, the only place she’s been to pick something up is the doctor’s office a week ago.  Sometimes I have no idea why I try."

That one hit me like a ton of bricks.  Sometimes I have no idea why I try.

The reason it hit me so hard was because I had this exact narrative in my own head just a few days prior.    If you're new to the show, you may not know that A Heart For All Students was born out of years my own mom burnout.  The adoption of my son & the ensuing years of absolute chaos, stress & isolation led to the mission.

"To equip moms to empower outside-the-box kids to thrive as the people God has created them to be."

Kids who don't fit the box of the world's expectations often struggle terribly in the traditional systems of parenting, education and even within the church.  This may look like:

• Meltdowns (physical and emotional)
• Rages
• Volatile behavior
• Inattention 
• Poor academic performace
• Bullying
• Shaming by adults who see behavior as always willful
• Self-shame & more...

When you're the mom of a child struggling, your heart breaks daily.  Fighting for the right supports, for others to show compassion for your child.  The doctor's appointments, interventions (speech & occupational therapy), tutoring, late-nights reading everything you can to help your child.

Physical exhaustion of it all.  Then add a child who struggles w sleep every single night for 6 years. True story. 

Mom burnout is real.  If you have a child w special needs such as ADHD, Autism, Sensory Processing Disorder, Anxiety, dyslexia, etc... it's even more so.   But we still try.  We still bother.  Because we LOVE our kids fiercely.  Even though we know deep down that there is a high likelihood that it'll all fall apart, we still bother.

My thoughts on why we should even bother.  What God spoke to my heart just a few days before I read from Sweet Kara of AHFAS tribe of moms. 

Be encouraged, Friend.  Mom Burnout is real & it's imporant that we openly aknowledge our pains & struggles.  Our needs matter.  If we pretend they don't, we end up stuffing them deep down until we explode & then we're no good for anyone.

In today's episode, I'll address the topic of motherhood & shame.  I discuss shame's role in our mom burnout and how we must fight against it.   We take those shameful thoughts captive to Christ and then we teach our children to do so as well. 

So, "Why do we even bother?"   We bother because we love our kids and families so fiercely.  And sometimes, it's the bothering that's the whole point.  

Sign up for the FREE Devotional & Teaching Series & learn about executive functioning, behavior & a Gospel-based way to parent differently so our kids thrive!  

These days it every mom has had some experience teaching their kids at home.  As millions of families were thrown into remote learning for the first time, many felt like they were drowning. 

Whether you are a seasoned homeschool mom, or if you are teaching your children at home for the first time, you know it's not an easy feat.  A HUGE issue so many homeschool moms face when teaching their kids is engagement.

If you have a preschooler, a kiddo in kindergarten or if you are teaching any resistant child, no doubt you've had to be creative to get your student to want to learn.

Often, teaching younger students can often feel like stapling jello to a wall.

Part of the problem is that many parents believe homeschool life is supposed to look like traditional school except at home.   

And often, this is where the resistance to learning comes into play.

Get excited, Momma, because here's something to get excited about!

Homeschooling  is not supposed to look like school at home!!  This is a good thing because that means you have more power than you think!  :)

In this episode, I will offer some reasons why younger children and even older students hate learning.  I'll tell you what you can do to change that in your homeschool. 

I specifically discuss one simple strategy that I use to engage my 6 year-old son in learning.   (Hint... I use it with my older children as well as myself.  It works for all people as a strategy to help us all overcome the obstacle of having to do that which we really don't want to do.)

Whether you have a preschooler or a high schooler, the general principle behind this technique can be implemented for all learners. 

Stop beating your momma head up against the wall, and try this homeschool teaching tip to engage your child in learning! 

To read more:  Teaching Tips For Preschoolers (Hint... Works for Adults Too)

For More Support & To Learn About God's Design of The Brain, Executive Functioning, Behavior and all the things... check out our Resource Library! 

For more information, post transcript and time stamps visit:  https://aheartforallstudents.com/aheart-30/

There is nothing I talk about more than the importance of our relationships with our kids.  Nothing.  

If we don’t have a healthy, loving and trust-based relationship with our children we have no power.  Period.  The End.

For way too long moms, including myself, have been fed this garbage that says that if you don’t nip bad behavior in the bud, that your child is going to fail.  Your child will rebel and ultimately, it will be your fault.

When your child disobeys, it’s your fault, Mom.

If your child ends up doing drugs, it’s your fault, Mom.

When your child struggles with grades, organization, impulse control and all.the.things… it’s your fault, Mom.

Whether we received this message intentionally from the world, our churches, our parents, neighbors, friends, or ourselves, buying into this is a life-sucking lie.

In today’s episode, I discuss the number one most powerful weapon we mothers (and fathers, teachers, police officers, pastors, youth leaders, children’s ministry leaders, speech therapists, occupational therapists, anyone who works with kids…) has:

The ability to INFLUENCE our children through RELATIONSHIP.

There is nothing more powerful especially when raising a child with ADHD, Autism, a child of trauma, a child with a fight-or-flight response that is in overdrive.

These kids (and all people) need to feel safe in order to receive and process the information that we want to impart to them.

As I discuss and teach extensively in my new online parenting course, Barely Surviving to Outright Thriving, relationship must come first. 

And often, this means, that we moms are going to have to be willing to shift our perspective when our kids display “poor” behaviors.  We are going to have to use our adult executivefunctioning skills in order to stop, breathe and look behind the behaviors.  

By looking behind the behaviors to seek the root issues, we then can equip our children, through relationship, with the tools and strategies they need to better handle disappointments, frustrations, transitions, big emotions, and such… in the future.

Kids can’t hear us when they feel threatened… because these kids with ADHD, autism, trauma (even a little “t” trauma), executive functioning issues, anxiety, learning differences, etc… these kids are living in fight-or-flight… by no choice of their own.

They need to feel SAFE inherently.  Not by your adult brain reasoning standards, but by an immature, scared, and not fully developed child’s standards.

What would that have looked like for you as a child?

Listen to today’s episode to learn more about how to handle the worst behaviors in a way that works.  Through relationship.   

For more information, post transcript and time stamps visit:  https://aheartforallstudents.com/aheart-29/